Why You Attract Feminine Men or Masculine Women (and what to do about it)

If you are attracting either feminine males or masculine females, there is a reason for that. And in this video, I'm going to show you exactly why that is, what you can do to switch that up if you desire, and how you can more so also heal feminine or masculine wounds inside of yourself. Welcome back to another video. My name is Aaron and I help people expand their their consciousness. Now on this video, first off, I know that my hair is different. If you're watching this video right now, it's my first video doing it with my hair a little bit different. I'm getting used to it. We'll see what I do and see if I go back to normal. Anyways, back to the video. So in understanding that, uh, all of us carry within us both feminine and masculine energy. Now I've made a couple other videos on that of understanding the masculine feminine energy. I'm going to go ahead and link those below in case you're interested in them. Now The thing that I've noticed even in my own life as I go through the shadow work of integrating more and more of myself is that for a period of time I was attracting more masculine females into my life. And one of the reasons being was because I think of some inner wounds that I had from growing up. And I've noticed this in a lot of other people, especially a lot of spiritual people too. I've seen it and this is— there's nothing wrong with this. Understand that we all have feminine and masculine energy inside of us. The thing that sometimes happens though is something happens when we were younger and we then make a certain meaning or we start to play out things in a certain way that then depolarizes our own energy. So for example, let me share this with you. Now when I was growing up, many of you know between 7 and 15 years old, if you've watched some of my other videos, I know I talk about it a lot, but 7 to 15 years old, I had an abusive ex-stepmom in my life and she was very masculine. And my brother and I had almost no freedom. We weren't allowed to have friends, we weren't allowed to watch TV. A lot of times we were just locked outside working outside. We were given a TV dinner in the morning and, or no, we were given cereal in the morning, TV dinner at night. We were very light and skinny. And then after my dad divorced her when I was 15 years old, all of a sudden we had all this freedom again. Now, even after my ex-stepmom left my life, now first off, one of the things that my brother and I had to do to get by is we had to please her, meaning we had to do things that would make her happy. Like, um, if we wanted to go to some school activity, we would have to clean up and do all these chores and do all this stuff and then look to her and say, oh, was it good enough? Can I go to the school activity? And that was the kind of mentality that my brother and I developed. And then we would also see our dad as the masculine presence in our life. My dad is like the nicest guy in the whole world. And what ended up happening is the role model that I had as as the masculine was a very— it was a more feminine energy that was letting the masculine run the show. And the masculine is my ex-stepmom. So then even after 15 years old, when my ex-stepmom left my life, I was then dating when I was allowed to, you know, although, you know, 15 years old. And then I started dating. And what I found is that I kept attracting women into my life that were very controlling. And women that were controlling were also, these were also in a way much more masculine women. And that just kept happening. I kept attracting more masculine women into my life. Meaning by masculine, I mean controlling, very trying to be very dominant, trying to tell me what to do, nitpicking me. That was a pattern that I kept attracting into my life until I became aware a lot of a lot of this information. And I eventually integrated those old wounds, integrated that shadow. And really, with this process, awareness is key because as you become aware of it, you then begin to change your energy and then you attract something different. So it's awareness that's the key. Now, if you find that you are attracting either feminine men or masculine females— women— then it is because your energy, your leading energy, is the other side. So for example, if you are a You know, this can work either way. This can work for also same-sex, you know, if even in same-sex relationships normally there is one that is more polarized masculine, one that is more polarized feminine normally. Now when we're talking though, imagine there's a— just for the example state, imagine that there's a woman that is attracting feminine men. Then most likely the woman inside of herself has a bit more masculine energy activated and doesn't have anything to do with physical looks or anything like that. It's just an energy dynamic. If a, if a man is attracting a, a masculine woman, then it's the same thing. He may have more feminine energy inside of him. Now that's because the way that polarity works, we always attract our reciprocal. So there may be a little bit, maybe, maybe somebody who's almost 50/50 but just leans a little bit more towards the masculine. Well then that person will attract somebody that leads just a little bit more towards the feminine. So it's important and powerful to be aware of these different things and then also to see how you can balance that within yourself. Now, what I've done in my own life is I have done my own inner work and I've been able to more so realize polarity and understand how I can embody that polarity with myself because it's a night— it's a funny thing. For a long period of my life, I was more in that feminine type role where I was attracting the more dominant, like, try to tell me what to do phase. But then eventually what happened is I started to become more and more aware of it, and I started to more so then embody that divine masculine. Now here's the difference between the divine feminine, divine masculine, and then you can see maybe how you can polarize and heal yourself within so that you start to depolarize your energy the way that you want. Every one of us has a leading energy. And our leading energy, like the, the leading energy of that feminine period of my life when I was going through that, when I first started dating, that wasn't really my leading energy. That was a wound from something that happened back in the day. And many times there will be women, or same-sex, you know, doesn't matter, that's just an example. There'll be the same thing where they may have and think that they have to be a more dominant way in order for them to then get by, in order for them to be safe. So for example, the, the divine masculine is leading, direction, planning, wants to win, stillness, breathes deep, craves freedom, is decisive. And if it's wounded, it will normally then lack trust. It can be controlling. It can be then also closed off. This can happen from abuse. This can happen from many different things, or even just having a model role parent go, uh, role parent growing up, a role model a certain way growing up that then has that, that kind of developed within. On the feminine side, the divine feminine within us— remember, both, all of these are within us, just at different degrees. The divine feminine wants to relax, craves love and safety, is more about intuition, likes to move, likes to dance, leads with emotion, expresses herself, wants to feel love, The wounded part of the divine feminine is people pleasing, indecisive, unworthiness, lack of boundaries. Now in my own life, when I had that part, when I was starting to have more of that feminine energy, it was because I had the wounded feminine inside of me because the masculine was so dominating in my life growing up. So I became a people pleaser. I would then try to make the person I was with happy, which, which is a more feminine trait in the way that I was doing it because it was coming from a place of, um, a place of like nurturing and wanting, wanting to give. And remember, there's no right or wrong with this. And even then, even after I talk about all this, you may still have a leading masculine or a leading feminine, and that may be just something you learn to own. There's nothing wrong with that. There are, there are men that are more feminine that end up with women that are more masculine. That's, that's okay. There's nothing wrong with this. But the thing to be aware of here is what is your leading energy that actually feels right for you? Because what I realized with myself is in my business especially, I'm very masculine in my business and I've always been like that. You know, since I've had my business these last 3, 4 years, I've got a very distinct focus. I move in a certain way. I have a very strong sense of willpower. I'm a very blunt person in general. So when I started to do this inner work, I started to realize that this, this wounded part of myself, the feminine, isn't really who I am. So So when I was in a way in relationships trying to please, I would then fall out of my leading role and I would then be the star of their movie. The thing with the masculine is the masculine wants to be the star of their own movie, wants to hold the frame. And deep down, the feminine wants to relax in the confidence of the masculine frame. That's what the feminine really wants if the feminine is honest. And if it is, if the feminine is arguing with that, it's probably not really the feminine. That's the masculine that's activated that says, no, I don't want to give up that power. Now you still, there's still a power in the feminine there. Of course there is, but it's about understanding this balance. So if you are a feminine man, for example, what you can begin to do is to become aware that first off, what is your leading energy? What actually deep down feels right for you? And then what you can begin to do is to maybe see if there's any wounds there, any wounds from things that happened in the past that may have had you depolarize or shut out certain parts of yourself to then give you certain parts. For example, I lacked a feminine, uh, energy growing up because there was so much masculinity in my life with my ex-stepmom. Uh, my dad was working a lot. My real mom wasn't in my life till I was 15 because we were kind of brainwashed from seeing our real mom from our ex-stepmom. Now because I craved that nurturing, I craved being nurtured, I craved being cared for. What I ended up doing is activating the feminine energy inside of myself to give myself that energy. And on the other side of this, I have seen this with people before that are maybe more feminine at their core but then have a wounded masculine inside of them. And maybe what happened is they saw that one of the— they couldn't trust the male in their life. Maybe their dad cheated on their mom or something happened there. And then what happened is that feminine energy then had to activate the masculine because inside that feminine energy said, I can't trust the masculine because last time this happened, the masculine, it, it did a whole bunch of bad things in my life. So I'm going to activate the masculine inside of myself so that I can then protect myself. Well then what happens is then that masculine energy is going to then compete with the other masculine energy, or that masculine energy that's activated is going to attract the feminine energy as the balance. Now this may not be who you naturally are. This might not be who you naturally are if it's the activating the feminine, but what you can begin to do to heal is to give yourself and wash yourself in that unconditional love, maybe in meditation. That's something that I did. I started to nurture myself, love myself, love the version of me that was being in abuse and the version of me that was being controlled, nurturing that version of me. And as I did, I started to feel differently. And on the other side of this, what the feminine can do, or the, maybe the woman that feels like is activating more of the masculine inside, is begin to comfort yourself, begin to give yourself that, that, um, that masculine energy that you've been doing in, in covert ways because you couldn't trust, and then learning to trust more so, to trust that, that masculine energy, and even to trust it outside of yourself, just like as the mask of the, the wounded feminine can begin to trust it outside of yourself too. But then to also try on something new. So for me, what that means is this is what— this is something else I realized. This is a game changer for me. I realized that growing up, because I had so much negative tension in my life between 7 and 15 years old in relationship, I would do anything I could after that experience of 7 to 15 years old to mitigate and to dissolve tension in a relationship. So what does that mean? That means becoming a people pleaser. And here's what I realized: the leading energy, being directional, being assertive, saying what I want, that may create tension. But if I'm afraid of creating that tension, then I will fall more into the feminine of letting somebody else lead because I don't want to create that same type of tension, thinking I'm going to lead to creating the same type of tension that happened back when I was a— when I was younger, between 7 and 15 years old. So for me, this meant that I began to heal that that divine feminine inside of myself by giving myself that nurturing, that love, and like a meditation, but then realizing who am I really? And then starting to try on different ways that I can lead and be in that tension and be okay. An example of this was recently, um, I may have shared this in another video, but it's because I've been working through this and going through it and realizing it within myself. Recently there has been like some uncomfortable conversations that I've had to have, one of which was going to Sedona. There was an Airbnb there that I was scheduled to stay at, spent quite a bit of money on it, but going in there didn't really look like the pictures. The energy was way off. I didn't feel like staying there and it was during quarantine, so I would have to be there a lot. So I had to have an uncomfortable conversation of calling the Airbnb guy and saying, hey, listen, I'm not going to stay here. And then also to request, hey, can you give me like half my money back since you're able to book it out these next, like this next week? Uncomfortable conversation. Back in the day, I would have been like, I don't want to have this. Maybe I could have someone else do it. Maybe I could just email. I said, no, I'm going to lead. This is what I feel. I'm gonna be with this negative tension. And as I did it, I realized, you know what, this is okay. Not only is it okay, but something about it actually feels like— now it feels— it feels natural, feels normal. Doesn't mean that I crave, you know, negative situations, but it does mean that I'm able to hold hold my own frame and be comfortable in that energy because that is also a leading energy. Same thing. I'm a very blunt person. I actually like to decide what to do. I want to go do this, I want to go do that, I want to go do this, and then to let somebody else, the feminine in my life, kind of, kind of relax in that energy. But back in the day when I'd be trying to relieve that tension, I'd then fall more into the feminine, the people pleasing. Feeling unworthy, a lack of boundaries. So the key to this whole process really is awareness, becoming aware of your own polarization and then doing things. What could the feminine do to more so relax in her own femininity? She can move, she could dance, she could take a bath, she could surrender when she's trying to, to move ahead with a certain masculine energy. She can more so surrender. And trust. She could express emotion. She could focus on giving herself that own version of love, of also healing and realizing that maybe the, the experiences in the past, just like the experience that I had with my ex-stepmom, I can realize that that was just one experience, but that's not how it always has to be. Just same way that the feminine can realize that the masculine in her doesn't have to— it's not that she can't trust or she can't— has to control everything. It's about realizing that there was maybe an experience in the past that doesn't have to be the thing that's on autopilot playing itself out over and over and over again. Now, this is really the key to understanding this polarity. For me, also understanding that what the feminine wants— it's gonna sound kind of, you know, crazy to some people— what the feminine really wants is the feminine wants tension. The feminine wants tension. Not— it doesn't have to be negative tension, could be positive tension, but the feminine wants tension. Now the problem is, is when the masculine is a people pleaser, it's trying everything it can, that person can, to reduce that tension. Now what does tension look like? Tension looks like the masculine leading, being assertive, calling shots. Doesn't mean that the woman is just, just completely submissive and has no power. Doesn't mean that at all. But if a feminine is honest, the feminine wants the masculine to lead. And that tension sometimes comes from the masculine holding the masculine frame and not trying to be the cameo in the feminine. Because remember, if the masculine is going to lead, it needs to be able to be in that frame. That's where the tension is created, when the masculine is able to make the choices, the decisions. And to hold that frame. And this is, this is what really changes a lot when understanding this. And I see it a lot in especially spiritual men, is they don't realize this tension part of it. I didn't realize it for a long time. I would try to let go of that tension and get out of it, but that's the thing. The tension when you're holding the frame is very attractive to the feminine. And on the other side of that, what the feminine can realize is that the masculine craves that freedom. And, and that when that feminine is nurturing, it can be very attractive as well. So there's different sides of the same coin. Now, there is also a video that I have on healing masculine and feminine wounds. I'll go ahead and link it below. Check that video out. That video goes even deeper on a lot of these ideas, and some of those ideas will really change the way you go about attraction just in general, and also integrating your own shadow. So check out that video as well. Let me know, subscribe if you haven't already. Let me know if you like videos that are on this, videos on the feminine, masculine. If you like it, I will do more, maybe make a whole playlist on it. Other than that, I hope you enjoyed this video, and as always, I'll see you in the next one. Peace, much love, and namaste.