Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Them (How To DETACH, LET GO & MOVE ON)

Why is it that certain people pop into your mind randomly and what does it actually mean? Why is it that some people, when they're thinking of other people, they are subconsciously literally sending them energy and that energy has an effect of normally repelling that person? And what can someone actually do to completely transform the energy dynamic around to stop dissipating their own energy and to stop repelling love and connection from coming into their life. Well, in this video, I'm gonna show you step by step what's really going on, what's really hidden in your subconscious shadow. I'm gonna show you how to look at this aspect of yourself to let go what this person represents. I'm gonna show you how to integrate the unresolved energy so that you finally start to feel more whole inside of yourself, and then you attract people that can actually reflect back that wholeness. Now, this actually came as a question on a recent Instagram Live that I did, and I went deeper into understanding the different facets of it using Carl Jung or union psychology to understand the shadow aspect of what's really going on. So what someone said was, this person just keeps popping into my mind. What does it mean? And then what happened is I went through and I was thinking about what I, and how I would respond to it. And I started doing even more research on like this person that other people keep thinking about. And a lot of times people will find themselves that watch my channel, my letting go videos tends to attract people that maybe have challenges with letting go of people. And there's an attachment to what people think. There's an attachment to people and whether they're coming around or not. And what I tend to realize is that these people have a story around the other people. So understand this first off, this is one of the first things to realize that can really begin to start shifting the energy. With you in this regard is one, what you think of as them. So when we say stop sending them energy, understand the them is a representative pattern. It is a form of symbol. Carl Jung talks about this also in the form of archetypes. There are certain archetypes that are within our consciousness and certain people on the external are reflections of certain archetypes. They're reflections of certain symbols of energy. Now, at the deepest levels of reality, people are reflecting back to you your own subconscious mind. They are reflecting back what you believe to be true about you. So if we have this stick figure right here, and it has beliefs like, I'm not worthy, men suck, women suck, et cetera. Guess what? As a reflection, you're going to attract into your life, you're gonna attract situations that say, oh look, I'm not worthy. How can people on the outside choose you if you believe you're not worthy? And at the same time, if you believe all men suck, Well, guess what? Are you gonna attract men that can meet you in a healthy way? Are they gonna be consistent? Are they going to choose you? Are they gonna be reliable and in integrity? If you have a belief that says that men aren't reliable or I can't trust them, how can you attract men into your life to reflect that energy back? Well, you see, this is where a lot of times people get confused because their subconscious mind may say men suck, women suck, they're not reliable. And what happens is then people on the outside are reflecting these energy patterns back. And here's one of the major things that can really shift if you begin to apply it in your life. Realize that this right here is not who you are. This is not you. This is a pattern. This is a belief. This is a story. It's not who you really are. And what happens is when you begin to realize that this is a pattern, it's a story, it's not who you are, that's where then you also realize it's not them that is the problem. You see, for a long time, when I was, after my awakening, I attract people into my life that were symbolic representations of an old pattern. The most common one was a woman that was controlling because from 7 to 17, I had in my life a woman that was controlling where things weren't fair. This woman was normally protected in a way where even if my brother and I said what was happening on— going on at the house, we'd get in more trouble. Well, years later, here I am working at Nordstrom's in women's shoes with the manager that's protected by HR, that talks down to people, that gets away with everything. And it's a very similar story— controlling woman, things aren't fair. Now, what I eventually had to do, and this is one of the things I really want to show you when it comes to the healing is understand that that person in your life that's reflecting back an energy pattern you don't necessarily enjoy, that pattern, that person is representing a pattern or a story or an energy that may be familiar, but that's inside of your field. You see, it may actually just be unresolved energy. It may be autopilot beliefs, but it may also be unresolved energy. So for me, in 2012, I went through my spiritual awakening. I started meditating. And what I realized is that the pattern in my life of attracting, I'm like, oh, interesting. I believe that this is what I attract, controlling women into my life. I believe that it's not fair. I believe that it should be different. I believe that this person's protected by upper management. And eventually, just like as a kid, person was protected from, you know, even if we talked to people at school what was going on, similar pattern, similar energy. So what I ended up actually doing is forgiving my ex-stepmom. And I didn't know that that was gonna, by the way, result in a different external reality, but I owned the energy and the pattern. And I said, this is inside of me. Because here's the thing, here's the thing that can also really shift if you really begin to apply it. It is so damn addictive and easy to not own this and instead to say they are the problem. You see, this isn't fair. This person's treating me this way. This person's not to be trusted. This person did this and this person over there that did that thing. The power is then outside of you and you're literally sending them energy and you're giving away your power. Now here's the thing, it may feel familiar to give away that power. You may also get a dirty little payoff, a dirty little payoff for giving that up because it's like, see, things weren't fair when I was a kid. See, this is just how all men are. This is how all women are. And here's the thing, that gives you a certain sense of certainty. Have you ever had it where you felt attract, like you're attracted to certain things that may be toxic and you're like, why am I attracted to this? Some people can call this Stockholm syndrome. And like a narcissistic abusive relationship, sometimes like people will hold people captive or control them. And then once that person becomes free, they're like, This is uncomfortable and they wanna go back or they don't wanna leave that person. Well, they found even though this is toxic and I have to fight for freedom and all these things and I can't be myself, this feels familiar. Familiar. Family. Familiar, familial. It's like my favorite thing to show the etymology of the word. You've probably seen me do it in my videos. And like familiar, familiar, familial, mind blown. But nonetheless, we fight for familiar. So part of the awareness of this transformation is you have to stop telling yourself the story. It's not just them and the story about how awesome and amazing they are and why you keep thinking about them and why they're popping in your mind. They may be popping in your mind according to Carl Jung, because there's unresolved energy that they represent. And part of your psyche wants to release that energy. Part of your shadow wants to release that energy. And also, the story that you tell yourself about them may be unintegrated parts that they have developed. So for example, in relationship, There are certain aspects of my own consciousness I can tell. I normally date women that have a very deep level of emotion. They feel deep level of emotion. I believe one of the reasons that is, is that's one, something that I am subconsciously wanting to develop and integrate more inside myself is really feeling deep level of emotion. And a lot of times I find I attract women that are very, very much want to like embody their power at the next level. Maybe I represent someone that's really gone out into the world and been in my power in a certain way with success and all that. And people are like, ooh, that's, you know, there's like a subconscious part of them that wants to be that expressive and put themselves out there and stuff like that. I've been able to recognize this pattern in different relationships. But nonetheless, there are some people that may feel attracted to someone that's very charismatic. And maybe subconsciously they have that charismatic energy and archetype inside themselves, but they tell themselves a story. This person, them with that pattern is what I need to feel happy, whole, and complete. But you see, that's the challenge is that the power is being projected onto someone else. And the story is that they are the ones that possess it, not you. But you have it within yourself. You may be looking for resolve with that energy. You may be finding that energy to be familiar, so you fight for it. I think even when I say that I attract controlling women in my life, after my ex-stepmom left when I was 17 and my dad divorced her, I attracted managers, other people in my life that reflected back that energy. And what that was reflecting back to me, I believe, is I remember a very specific moment where when my dad was divorcing my ex-stepmom, I remember where there was this dramatic moment where we went back to the house that we lived at for years before we moved into with our grandma in this like little 2 or 3 bedroom house with like a whole bunch of us that were living in there, but we had freedom. We go back to this house to get our clothes and there's this dramatic scene where clothes are being thrown into the dirt and stuff, and there's just like this altercation. And I remember, as crazy as it sounds, that now we have freedom, my brother and I allowed to get enough food to eat, we're allowed to have friends, go to school activities, don't have to earn it, we're allowed to watch television and play video games and all this like stuff that we were pretty much capped from doing. There was something that felt safe, safe, which is a concept about being at the house and knowing where my limits were, right? It's like I knew that I wasn't allowed to watch television and do all these other things, but I also knew this was my boundary of what I was allowed to do and this, a lot of stuff I wasn't allowed to do. But there's something that felt safe about that little kettle in a way. It was an interesting realization because I think subconsciously there was a lot of anxiety that came from the freedom. I remember feeling like I'm allowed to have friends, watch TV, eat enough food, all this stuff. And there was this anxiety that came and I wasn't used to feeling that much anxiety because normally I was more used to knowing where my box was. I'd feel fear if I got in trouble, but I knew where the box was. So then there's this anxiety. It's like, well, where are my boundaries? I'm allowed to do these things now. I have all this freedom. "Something might happen." "Well, don't you worry," the universe says. "You like this kind of energy. Let me attract this person to you that you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around. Let me get this person in front of you to reflect back that energy that's your manager when you're selling women's shoes, that's controlling and very similar to your ex-stepmom." So it was in a way, It wasn't the universe was doing it to me, punishing me. It's that energy is what's active. That's what I actually subconsciously got a payoff for. See, this isn't fair. See, we have to go to HR, try to get this chick fired, but see, HR protects her. See, all these similar stories. But then what did I end up doing? I ended up forgiving my ex-stepmom. And one of the ways I did that is I realized that the same way she treated my brother and I, she was treated by her dad in its own way. I heard some stories about that and I was like, oh, interesting. So she was treated that way. That's why she is. That doesn't make it right, but it does help me understand a little bit more. But I also realized that that led me to my spiritual awakening. All that pain from childhood led me to an immense amount of growth. Like, I wouldn't be here right now with a marker in my hand in front of a beautiful, glorious whiteboard that you can hardly read because I don't have the thicker markers, traveling the world, doing what I love. I'm running a live event in 2 days. I literally live my dream life. I may not be doing that if it weren't for the pain of my childhood. I almost guarantee it'd be very different. So in a way, I'm grateful for it. So in 2012, I had this awareness. I wasn't already living my dream life, but I had these big epiphanies and I learned meditation and I felt so expansive. And I, in a way, was so grateful for my life because I was no longer in that cage. And I forgave my ex-stepmom. And you wanna know what happened? As I resolved that energy inside of me, Ex-stepmom energy left. It no longer resonated with the person that I had become. That manager got fired within 2 weeks of me meditating and forgiving my ex-stepmom, which is a very egotistical thing to say, 'cause it's like I worked with 8 other people in women's shoes, in salon shoes at Nordstrom's. Am I to say, I forgave my ex-stepmom, and then the person that represented my ex-stepmom left my life within a very short period of time, I am the cause. No, I'm not saying that, but I am kind of saying that because reality is a reflection of the subconscious mind. So maybe in my reality, that's what happened. Maybe there's parallel realities that coworkers are still in, or the old version of me is still in fucking 12 years later, 13 years. How many years has that been? Time goes by fast. Anyways, kind of get the idea. So how do you resolve energy? Well, if you, if you keep attracting people that are narcissists or controlling or that you can't trust or that are not loyal or where they suck, first thing you have to do is realize that there's maybe a part of you that you could begin to nurture. A part of you that maybe didn't have his needs met growing up, that you could even feel that energy and let it be okay to feel it. And then also realize that maybe this is familiar. Maybe this is a familiar energy. And maybe there's a certain part of myself that this person represents as a pattern. Because people get so caught up when they believe this person is the thing, this person is the one, this person is, And they have this whole story. And I've seen people that just get caught up with the story about this person, not understanding or realizing that person is representative of a pattern that may be unintegrated. It's a pattern. They may represent qualities that you have, that they have within themselves. Here's another common thing that some people live in the pattern of. So what maybe happened is somebody wants someone else, and then what happens is once that person— maybe that person's hard to please, or maybe that person's not facing them and doesn't want them back— they want this person as long as this person doesn't want them. And as soon as this person comes around and wants them back, they then say, Ew. And they don't want it anymore. I was actually at the gym yesterday talking to someone that was telling me that he specifically is attracted to women that just don't like him. This guy has lots of options and could be in a relationship, but he only, he told me this, he's like, I only am attracted to women that don't, that doesn't like him. I'm like, I was like, it's so interesting that you're aware of that. But then it's like, 'cause it's like a selection thing. It's like, he's like, yeah, there's this one chick and I just, we started to connect and then I expressed how I felt to her and she was like, ugh, and like ran away. And I said, and you know, that's like an energy that he feels like attracted to. And I was like, well, if it was somebody that actually met you and was able and wanted that with you, would you be attracted? And he was like, no. He's literally attracted to a pattern. And I've seen friends go through this, by the way. I have a couple friends that have been in the same pattern. And I've literally, for one of my friends, I actually wrote this on a whiteboard and she said this actually helped. That's why I'm sharing this right now. There's this one video that I sent her as a friend. I sent her this whiteboard video. I thought of posting it on YouTube, this little video where I'm like, listen, 'cause we got so sick of my friend just like talk about the story about this guy, this guy, this guy, this guy. And I was like, listen, The reason you want this guy is because you only want him when he doesn't want you. When he starts turning towards you, you say, "Ew," and then you get all avoidant. And then vice versa, he only wants you when you're running. It's like it was just a reflection of that pattern. And then she watches this video anytime she's like, every so often she'll watch this video. She says she's indebted to life for me, for like, but because that video has helped her so much. So I thought that was interesting. So I'm like, okay, Of course, that's a joke, but I will take her up on that though. Just kidding. But this is the idea that some people are attracted to. But the story, story, love of my life has decided to not look at me or want me. But if I could just get this person to do it, then I'd be happy. But then that person starts turning towards you and you say, ew, I actually decided I don't want it right now. I don't, I'm not feeling it. I want to go over here. And then the person's like, okay, I'm gonna start doing this again. And you go, why are you looking over there? Don't you like me over here? And it's just this fricking game. So what you're really attracted to is not even them, you're attracted to the game. You just wanna play a game. And then you go out and you're like, why don't emotionally available men or women, why don't they wanna play the game? Well, guess what? If somebody is emotionally available, they don't play this game. It's like, if you're not interested, if you're like, okay, now I gotta pretend to be not interested because that gains attraction. No, that only works in this game. So what you do is you do that with someone that's emotionally available or like emotionally secure in their attachment style. And guess what's gonna happen? They're gonna be like, okay, I thought we had a connection, but if that's the game you play, That's how you want to go, then that's cool. They're not trying to fight for freedom, fight to prove themselves. So the thing to become aware of here is that these are all patterns. Patterns. The etymology of the word pattern is connected to paternal, the paternal, the father, but also a mimicked action. It's like something that maybe many of us maybe learned through childhood. So now you're like, okay, Aaron, I get it. I get it. These are all patterns. They're not me. They're stories. How do I change it? I just want to change it. Okay, just tell me how to change it. Okay, maybe you sound like that. Maybe you don't. I'm not judging you. Okay. However, if you triggered by that, it's the triggers inside you. Just kidding, but not really. I mean, kind of is. Let go. Here's what you're going to do. You're gonna become aware that these are patterns. And one thing you can do is you can allow yourself to feel what comes up. Now here's the crazy thing about feeling. If you allow yourself to feel an emotion for like 9 seconds or some odd seconds, I don't know the exact scientific thing, but it's like 10, 15 seconds, maybe 20 seconds, maybe it was like 17 or 19 seconds, that emotion naturally washes through you and you would naturally begin to process it and integrate an emotion. But what most people start to do is they feel the first 5, 6 seconds of an emotion and they go, story, look at this story, and they start going off on the story because they're mentally addicted to the story. If you could just let yourself feel, no story, no need to understand it, you just let yourself feel, you'll begin to process this emotion. Now the other thing you could begin to do is to represent, is to realize they represent maybe some unintegrated part of you. How can you— what— ask yourself the question, what is this person reflecting back to me? What is this energy dynamic reflecting back? Is this energy dynamic familiar in some way to childhood energy? And what would you tell that inner child part of you? How could you see, hear, soothe, and nurture that inner child part of you? And what you could then begin to do is to realize that as you do that, you begin to heal. You begin to release energy. You begin to feel more whole. And now ho'oponopono, I will say, is one of the most powerful processes I found for healing, letting go of energy that has allowed me to attract more people that reflect back the wholeness inside of me because I've taken responsibility for the pattern, but also to feel more worthy, whole, and complete within myself. And that's honestly one of the biggest things you can do to really transform is to focus on your energy field and realizing people are responding to energy that's on the inside. So one thing I did recently at a live event in LA is I did a whole entire workshop on Ho'oponopono, And it comes with understanding that the first 5 years of our life are the patterns that we keep replaying over and over again. You don't have to know exactly what these are, but in a video I show you what I learned from Mark Woolam, who wrote the book, "It Didn't Start With You." I had a session with him a week before this live event that I ran. And what I did is I shared exactly what he told me, what helped transform my life. And in this YouTube video that you'll see, you can learn exactly how to use Ho'oponopono. You can also learn what I learned about this first 5 years of my life, how you can integrate this into your life. Now you can finally heal, become more whole to attract people to reflect that wholeness inside of you. So check out that video, it's right here. What Eckhart Tolle says is you don't actually have to forgive because in your core essence of presence of the God source energy that you are, that's consciousness.