A woman keeps dating divorced fathers with dismissive-avoidant attachment styles, mirroring her own father's behavior. The pattern feels familiar because it echoes her childhood, but that familiarity comes with an emotional payoff that keeps her stuck. Breaking it means recognizing what she's getting from the dynamic and learning to sit with discomfort instead.
I attract men who are divorced dads, and in my head I'm like, for the love of God, can you not be another lesson, please?
Well, here's the thing. There's a reason we attract people and patterns into our life. There's some form of payoff, whether that payoff is familiarity, whether it allows us to reaffirm our belief about reality. What about that is attractive to you?
My father was a divorced dad.
What is your relationship with your dad?
He's a dismissive avoidant, and this guy is also a dismissive avoidant.
So this person sounds like has a similar energy to the dad energy that was familiar.
Well, I hope he goes and does the work, and I hope he like shows up, and I hope— but then like as I'm doing that, I'm realizing how tired I am as well. So it's—
yeah, you hope dad would also become less dismissive and avoidant, right? He's not doing the work, they're not doing the work. How are you not doing the work?
I feel like I overdo it. I'm always working on myself.
Maybe you're overdoing it because that can be a distraction to something else. Vulnerability. Yeah, exactly. Giving up and being honest to yourself and being honest of the energy that's there and looking at yourself and seeing what does this say about me. Because ultimately, whatever we're looking for in someone else, there is an aspect of ourself that wants to receive it from us.
