Why Your Nervous System Can’t Handle the Life You Say You Want

What if the biggest block to you experiencing more love or more abundance is simply your nervous system? Like, on one hand, you may want to attract a loving relationship. You may want to attract more abundance. You may want to attract whatever it is you've been wanting in your life, but at the same time, you may not feel safe if that thing was actually in your life. You might find that when you finally start meeting somebody that you could have a deep connection with, you might find you subconsciously sabotage it. You do things that make it to where that thing goes away, that person goes away. You might find that when you actually start to make a certain amount of money, part of you feels uncomfortable. and you end up doing something or spending the money to where then you're right back to square one. Now, in this video, I'm going to show you how to reset your nervous system to actually allow in the love, to allow in the abundance, and to allow more of what you want into your life without actually resisting it from your nervous system. So the first thing you want to learn about this process is that the people in your life, the situations in your life are a reflection of what you have normalized in your nervous system. So for example, for me, for years, even after I was a teenager, I would attract jobs, managers, girlfriends, et cetera, that represented a certain energy that was familiar to my childhood. And for me, that was having a controlling person in my life that I had to fight for freedom against. Even though I could say, I don't want this in my nervous system, there's something about it that feels familiar. There's something about it that kept attracting those people into my life. So even though the ex-stepmom left my life when I was 17 years old and no longer I had someone controlling me, I had freedom, was allowed to go to school and do things, go to school activities and stuff without having to earn them, allowed to have friends, et cetera. What happened is in my nervous system, that freedom actually felt like anxiety. I remember like being allowed to watch TV, being allowed to play video games, being allowed to have enough food to eat and like all of these things. It felt like I'm not used to this. There was literally anxiety. And you wanna know what was weird? There wasn't as much anxiety when I was at the old house, walked outside with my brother doing yard work all day. I knew where my boundaries were. I knew where I was allowed to be and not allowed to be. And even though I had to fight against it, I had to game the system to have a little bit of fun, Like when my dad and ex-stepmom weren't home, we would like go out and do a little bit of work for like 2 or 3 hours. And then for another 4 or 5 hours, we'd kind of just chill and hang out. We knew how to game the system. We knew where our boundaries were. We knew how we could feel safe. But there was always someone we had to fight against and tiptoe around. So then as an adult, that person leaves my life, well, guess what? Subconsciously, I'd had managers that were controlling and manipulative. And guess what? I'd go to upper management and what would happen? The same thing where things weren't fair. They were protected by upper management. And what ended up happening is same story. It was familiar to the past. So very often what happens is we attract people, situations, and we say, I don't want this. But what actually might feel familiar is the not having of something. And another aspect of this you could think of as well is when people want love or people want abundance, many times what can happen is they want it, which means they lack it. It'd be so amazing to have love in your life. It'd be so amazing to have abundance. And that amazing energy creates resistance. There's this idea that comes from a book called Reality Transurfing. Aaron Doughty, and it's a book that was written by a Russian quantum physicist. And it's— it talks about these basically about how every reality we can possibly imagine already exists. It's about energetically tuning to it, but that there's these balancing forces in our reality. And these balancing forces play off something that's called excess potential or excess energy. So anything we give a lot of meaning Anything we get a lot of importance, we put it on a pedestal and we separate ourselves from it. So it's like anytime we do that, we create resistance and we have to remind ourselves to see it as natural. And this is where the calm regulated nervous system comes in. For example, I was meeting up with a friend of mine a few days ago. She owns a very successful business and her goal is to sell this business in the next year because she wants to have kids with her new husband. And she is in a spot where what she wants to do is sell her business. That's like her baby. She wants to sell almost all of the equity, but she wants to just be involved enough to where she doesn't have to do the CEO work and all this stuff. And she's connected to this company that's helping her sell the business. And what happened is once that company told her how much they think she can get for the business, and that is 97% accurate, the window that they gave her, she got super excited. I could sell it for this much. Then I could have kids. She wants to have a whole bunch of kids and she doesn't want to be like in her laptop all the time working. She ended up getting excited about it. She ended up putting it on a pedestal, really wanting it to happen. And you want to know what happened? All this weird stuff started to happen where actually her numbers of her business went down. She started to expect to experience more blocks. And what happened is that firm reached out to her and said, hey, your numbers are winding down and I don't know if we can still get the same number. And she was like, oh my goodness. And she realized that she was sabotaging it. And actually what happened is she read that, she saw my videos on Reality Transurfing and she reached out to me and she's a friend of mine. And she's like, I want you to know that it's completely shifted everything when I started taking down the importance. She realized that she was not tied to a timeline any longer of when she had to sell their company or even for how much she had to sell it. And she was telling me now that like the company she's talking to that's helping her sell it says, you know, because it's a whole process. She's like, oh, they're like, we might look, we're going to look at it at the beginning of next year. She's like, yeah, whenever, beginning of next year, August, Q2, it's all good. And because she has this energy where she's good either way, there's no increased importance that's ramping up her nervous system and making her think that it's become a means to an end. Selling my business equals freedom. Selling my business equals security. And that's what happens a lot of times with our nervous systems is we put things on a pedestal and we assume that once we accomplish something, then we can feel whole, then we can feel enough, then we'll be complete. And this is why so many people block love or so many people block abundance from coming into their life. Because they want the thing they want to come into their life. The first thing that's blocking it is they actually want it. Now, if you want it, you are not it. If you want it and it's on a pedestal, it means it's very important and is not natural for your identity. And this is why having more fun in the process can be so powerful. This is why not believing that once you get to the end result is going to complete you is so powerful for you taking your power back, falling in love with the process, falling in love with your connection to God, connection to something greater than you that can actually allow it to flow through you. So this is many times where people actually block what they want from coming into their life because their nervous system is tethered to outcome. Their nervous system is in fight or flight. Their nervous system is trying to control And their nervous system thinks that when they get their result, their dream partner, the abundance they want, that they're gonna be like excited on top of them. It's gonna be so amazing. Oh my gosh. That's not sustainable. The key to a calm regulated nervous system is first off realizing that that calm regulated nervous system is something you can prime in the present moment through your breath, Just take a deep breath in and out right now. Let it go. And recognizing that you are good either way with whatever it is you want to attract into your life, whatever it is you want to attract into your life, you are good either way. So the thing to realize too is that certain emotions with what you want might not be familiar. It might be that you are wanting love and connection, but maybe part of your nervous system is tied to a pattern that says that the only way you can get love and connection is if you first off get approval, because that's a condition to love. So you might be finding people in your life that bring you into fight or flight because you're trying to prove yourself to them because you believe that that's the condition you need in order to feel love and connection. But here's the thing, your nervous system is primed for fight or flight. Your nervous system is primed to believe you have to prove yourself to people. And what that ends up doing is that ends up creating the resistance. And many times what'll happen too, I've seen this happen where People are only attracted to certain people that don't want them. They're attracted to people that are emotionally unavailable. They're attracted to people that are turned away from them because they're trying to prove themselves. If I can get them on board, then I will be enough. But really what's happening is the emotion that's been familiarized is feeling not wanted. And one of the most powerful ways for you to heal your nervous system in this example, in this, in this way, is to connect to the inner child part of you that is craving that feeling from other people. I realized that for a long time I would ignore my own inner child. I realized that as a kid, there was a part of me that believed that in order for me to be worthy, I had to achieve, I had to be successful, I had to create, which later on became creating a business, doing all of these things. And instead of me being in the present moment and enjoying life, I always had to be doing, I couldn't allow myself to be calm. So in my business, it was like I was always working, working, working, stress, stress, stress, because that was what's familiar. You know, I've realized this at different levels of my success, even, even before I was on YouTube. Think about this. Before I was on YouTube, I worked a 9-to-5 job I didn't like, fighting against upper management. Things weren't fair. Managers were protected by HR, and it was this whole thing. And even people that I worked with, we were all trying to get a union at Barney's New York, and it was this whole thing and trying to get a union because things just weren't fair. And I ended up leaving, ended up not union, ended up not going through because of one vote. It was like 50, 50% of the people. And they hired all these people to come in to brainwash us. And we had to go to these required meetings to like them saying unions are bad, this is why you don't wanna do it, blah, blah, blah, blah. And what we ended up doing is not getting it. And it was familiar, not fair energy to childhood. Is how it felt. But what happened is I was fighting against that, and then eventually I decided, you know, it was a good thing that happened because eventually I decided I'm going to go after YouTube. I'm going to follow my passion. I'm not going to have people tell me what to do very soon because I was actually talked down to by managers in a certain moment. And I decided I'm going to go for this. Then I did. Then I went daily on YouTube, created a bunch of success, quit my 9-to-5 job. Then for years, I was like, I became my own boss. But what happened is I became so hard on myself that I felt like once again, I was in a form of box. I take a 9 to 5 job and I created it in a new way. And I felt like once again, there was a lot of struggle. Things couldn't be easy. I literally at certain points felt like if I didn't keep creating videos, I'd lose everything I've ever created. And a reflection of this was I remember I was, in Costa Rica drinking plant medicine, 2017, 2018. And I made a video every single day on YouTube for like 2 years. And this is like 2018, 2019 then. And I remember at this moment I realized that I could not not make a video for a day. I'm coming off ayahuasca the night before and here I am making a video because I feel like I have to make a video. I'd become my own person that kept me in a box. And on one hand, it's like, yes, that's discipline. On the other hand, it's like, could I just relax for a day and integrate what happened the night before? Did you see the energy difference there? It's like my nervous system was just used to struggle. And then what I would do is I would relax and not do anything, and I'd feel really antsy. I need to do something. I need to do something. I'm watching my girlfriend go through this right now in an interesting way. She's had a successful business for years. And she's in a phase right now where she's letting go of aspects of that business. And what's happening is that she's doing that, it's kind of uncomfortable for her. And not only that, part of this as well is I am now like, encouraging her to not work. And so that I can, so she can relax and she could chill out. And it's been kind of a, it's hard for her to just not do anything. And I could see that, I could see that and I can relate to it 'cause I can relate to it in myself as well. It's hard not to, when you're so used to doing, it's like, okay, well, what do I do now? Oh, I can just go, just go do what you wanna do. For her, that might mean doing certain, regulating her nervous system, relaxing, creating content for herself that doesn't have to involve other things. And it's completely changed her energy. But there's levels of it that's like, it's almost not familiar for her to receive. She's so used to having to pay for everything, do all of this stuff for herself that now it's like a relief, but also it's not familiar. Things come up in that dynamic, and receiving might not be familiar, but when you allow yourself to receive, it can be very healing and very nurturing. Even I had a friend the other day that is basically someone that's very successful in business, and she basically spent 3 or 4 hours with me, like, overlooking my business and helping me with different things. and it was so helpful and she did it for free. And for me to receive that was like almost a thing of in itself. And I had to catch myself and I still like, you know, put it on the table. I'll help you with this. I'll help you with that. You know, but I allowed myself to receive it. That may have not felt familiar to my nervous system and I'm having to just allow myself to be with it instead of resist it and try to control it. Be with it, breathe into it. And a big part of that advice, too, was me realizing that another aspect of something I'll be focusing more on within my content, with my life in general, is actually leveraging what I've created on YouTube to actually, you know, I love going on podcasts. I have some friends with some very big podcasts, and I, you know, I have like the ability to go on big podcasts, but I just haven't asked and I haven't put myself out there in some ways. Because I didn't want to be a burden or I didn't want to think, you know, I don't need other people. I could do it all myself. It's almost uncomfortable and unfamiliar to my nervous system to ask to be on someone's big podcast, even though some of these people are my friends. To find out that normally the way it works is people ask and like, that's how they— the people just come to them. And it's like, I need to start asking, which might be unfamiliar to my nervous system. But that's where the next level of growth is, is actually putting myself out there in a new way, knowing I don't have to do it all myself. So do you see how the nervous system, the uncomfortable, what you think of as uncomfortable, you embracing that uncomfortable energy may be the breakthrough for you to actually regulate your nervous system to allow more of what you want in? I'll share one other thing I thought was interesting that my girlfriend we were talking about this nervous system thing. And right before my girlfriend and I got together, we were friends, like best friends for 5 years. And then what happened is we went on a trip with some friends and it kind of became revealed to both of us that we both had curiosity around dating with each other. And we already had like a deep connection, but like, huh, let's explore this. And that's what led into our relationship. But right before that, she went on a sprint where Before she left the last place she lived, which was Austin, and then she came to LA, her and I for years went back and forth between Austin and LA, even just as friends, like separately, which is kind of a cool synchronicity. But what happened is right before she left, she had like, she got hit on by like 3 or 4 different guys and she had like all these options all of a sudden out of nowhere. And I said, what was the shift for you? Like, did you regulate? I was like, what was the regulation of your nervous system It's like, allow me in, you know? And she said it was more of what she expressed was that it wasn't necessarily that she worked just on her nervous system. It was more so what she ended up doing is instead she realized that because she was leaving Austin, it was like there was no importance on any connections that she was going to have. And she's like, I just sometimes it's fun to go on dates. She's a very sociable person, so it's fun to go on dates. So she's like, you know what, screw it. I'm just gonna go out and there's no importance. It's not like any of these people are gonna be my husband. She felt like soon she was gonna meet her person. So she's like, you know what? I'm just gonna open myself up. So she just opened herself up. And within a couple days, like 2, 3 guys asked her out. But she says it was very out of the norm in the sense that like, it's like something about her energy shifted to where it just happened all at once. And it was this thing where there's all this abundance was coming in and then she ended up leaving A couple of weeks later, she came to LA and then like a month later, we went on that friend trip and that's where everything happened. But interestingly enough, I was like, what was that shift for you that then allowed all that in? And what it is, is instead of it being serious, instead of it being, are these people going to be my husband, etc., she just knew it wasn't and she just let go and she's like, I'm just going to have fun and enjoy myself and meet people, etc. And that's what happened before she came to LA. And I thought that was interesting. But what can we learn from that? Let go of control. Let go of seriousness. Let go of trying to, you know, a lot of times in dating, it's like, who's the person? Where are they? Trying to control reality to regulate our nervous system instead of understanding that we can be good either way by realizing that we create that inside of ourselves. So using our breath, using our body, feeling the space in between us and other people, and really accepting the uncomfortable emotions that come up, that's really the key to this process. Accept the uncomfortable emotions that come up when you are going out on a date, when you are putting yourself out there, when you are receiving. For me, receiving, allowing myself to receive, allowing myself not to do anything when I normally think I need to do, becoming aware that there are patterns, but that you are not your patterns. That will allow you to completely regulate your nervous system in a very powerful way. So some of the biggest blocks that people experience when it comes to this is believing that they are making everybody else in their life a means to an end. They're making everybody else a means to an end. "If this person would come into my life, then I could feel safe, then I could feel enough." But what you feel like, what is safety even? People say, "I feel safe." Safety is not an emotion. Safety is a concept. And subconsciously, you may feel safe around narcissistic people. You say, "No, I don't." Might feel familiar. Now, of course, safe, that's why safety is important to have it in the definition that safe is also calmness. Because by the time you attract love, by the time you— like, if the love you attract is just so exciting all the time and it's just dopamine high and you're trying to get their approval and validation, that's not love. That's approval and validation. That's dopamine. The key is to find somebody else that you're able to co-regulate with and to feel calm with. I remember thinking back in the day when I was selling women's shoes, like if I were to have millions of dollars and think about that back in 2016 before I was on YouTube, that would've felt like, oh my God, this is so amazing, what am I gonna do? And I probably would've just splurged in stupid stuff, who knows? I didn't have the nervous system where that felt normal and familiar, which is interesting now because now having all of that, Guess what? It feels normal. It feels natural. It's not this discombobulating thing. And because of that, it's just calm. So realizing that if you want to attract love, that's gonna involve calmness. Not to say there's not connection there in some exciting moments, but it's not just dopamine approval and validation. So realize that this is about rewiring your nervous system and bringing calmness into your identity, bringing calmness into your values when you're dating, bringing calmness into knowing you're good either way. You attract more money in abundance, great. You don't need it though in order to be worthy and enough. You can create that inside of your body now. You can create that safety inside of your body. So let's talk about a 3-step simple process that you can use. The first step is to simply become aware of what is happening in your body when you think of the next level. When you think of the loving relationship, when you think of more abundance, what comes up in your body? Excitement or contraction? Then the second step is to focus on regulating. Ground yourself through breath, movement, through stillness. Realize you're good either way. Realize that the desire is really, really wanting it, really, really putting things on a pedestal creates an energetic separation from you. When you're good either way, you're in a powerful place. Now the third step is to link that desire to calmness. Visualize the goal, breathe deeply into it, relax your shoulders, and realize that it can be natural for your identity. It's really also about an identity shift. Bring calmness into your identity. Let it be natural. You're good either way. And then as you, for the fourth step, start to incrementally expose yourself to that, even to the visualization of it, you might feel some excitement, but feel the calmness as well. And every little breakthrough that you have around love or abundance, money, focus on the gratitude for where it's already in your life, because gratitude unifies you with the reality where it already exists. It's kind of more of a Reality Transurfing concept. It's like what you want already exists. It's vibrating at a certain frequency. You think, feel, and act as that version of you and choose to be it. You begin to experience it. But remember, it's not on a pedestal. It's not this amazing thing that happens. You just select it and you allow it in. That's where things really begin to shift in your life. Then you're not creating resistance through excess potential, excess meaning, and all of this stuff. So let calm be the container for everything you have moving forward. Let your nervous system be what becomes magnetic. And as you begin doing that, as you begin holding that energy, your vibration begins to increase. And then you really allow yourself to allow it in, in a very powerful way. Now, one of the most powerful meditations I have that I think if you listen to will completely transform this for you is one of my most popular meditations, which is on raising your dominant vibration permanently. It has to do with visualizing, letting it be natural, and feeling it as if it's here now. This meditation has almost 3 million views on YouTube and many comments from people saying they've attracted what they want from it. And what you can do is listen to this meditation for the next 21 days and watch how much your life changes. I'll go and put it right here.