You will attract love once you choose you (how to choose YOU)

Why is it the more you look for love, the more you energetically push it away? And why is it the more you are non-attached from love actually coming into your life, the more love and opportunities actually comes into your life? Well, energetically, what is happening is there's an energy that's subconsciously under the surface that's either attracting love to you or it's either repelling love away. And when you understand what I'm going to share with you in this video, it will completely transform the way in which you show up around other people. It'll change the energy in which you show up on dates. It will change the energy in which you show up in your relationships, and it will allow you to go deeper and to feel more free for you to be yourself. Now, energetically, I want you to think of it like this. I've shared this topic before, but we're gonna go deeper on it. When you think of someone else, you are energetically sending them energy. And when you energetically send them energy, you actually dissipate the energy out of your body. And there's an energetic pull of either wanting them to like you or wanting their approval or wanting something from them. You might even want to ease their tension, whatever it is. But whatever that is, that energy is leaving your body and dissipating your own presence from you showing up for you. So what happens is you end up draining yourself. And what happens is many times this person can feel that energy that's being projected at them and it feels intrusive. If you've ever walked into a store store where there's salespeople, you might feel that energy where you can feel, "How are you?" You can feel that they want something from you. And that energy literally repels you from wanting to give them what they want. Even if you walked in and you wanted something, I've had that happen where I go into a store to buy something and I can feel it. And I actually wanted to buy something, but it felt almost uncomfortable because I could feel that energy being projected at me. Now on the other side of it, if you were to meet somebody that was not attached to you doing anything a certain way, there was no condition to how you were being for them, there was no sense of subconscious control, what would happen is it would feel easy to be around that person. Now subconsciously what happens is many people push their energy out of their body when they go into a room. Now this is subconsciously because maybe as a kid, you felt like you were only safe if you were easing the tension in your family. You might have, as a kid, as a survival mechanism, said, how does mom and dad feel? How does the family feel? And if I ease their tension, then I can feel safe inside of myself. So as an adult, you might be subconsciously sending them energy, thinking that if you think about them, what's gonna happen is that's the mechanism to get what you want. It actually repels what you want. So when you think about it from this frame, understand that what happens is when you push your energy out of your body, you dissipate that. And when you dissipate your energy, you're leaving yourself. And asking, who do I need to be for them? That creates an energy of blockage. That creates an energy of repelling. So one of the most important parts of this to understand is that this pushing your energy out is not only a physical thing that you might be doing, but it's also a metaphor for who you believe you need to be to be loved. So if you believe that you are only loved if you are perfect, if you give, if you abandon yourself, then you're gonna attract people that either exploit that energy or you're gonna attract people that you project that burden onto that then repels. And also subconsciously, you will feel burdened when you're around other people, and that might intimately create some type of avoidance or blockage to love. You might be literally avoiding emotionally available love because there's an energy where that's not familiar, and what you know is how to play the game of trying to get their approval or validation, et cetera. It feels normal to take on the burden of their energy. So if you think about it like an energy and you think about it like when you go into a room if you are sensitive to other people's emotions and energies, then likely you're pushing your energy out. And when you push your energy out to include them, you then take on the burden of their tension and you're then asking, who do I need to be to ease their tension? Who do I need to be to get their approval and validation? And guess what happens? You start changing your frame. You start changing your center of gravity. You're dissipating your energy. So this is a metaphor for you coming back to you. This is a metaphor for you to stop abandoning you. And as you stop abandoning you, you will then find that a love and connection comes into your life more than ever before. But when you are loving you and you are choosing you, you are not so tied to what other people do or don't do. You see, the only reason you might be wanting their approval and validation is because you've left you. You've left your body energetically and you've pushed your energy out to include them. And what happens is that can come off like a form of control, et cetera. But by dissipating your energy field, that's very depleting for you. Now, first off, it's not your fault. This is something that you may have learned as a survival mechanism as a kid. This is something I learned by having a very strict controlling parent in my life. Having a stepparent that was controlling and manipulative, then it was, I was tuning to her to say, who do I need to be to get by? And it would always change. It wasn't a consistent way of being. It was like, what were her emotions today? So then imagine going out and dating and tuning to the other person and then leaving myself. This is something I had to learn to come back to myself. I had to learn and accept that not everyone is gonna resonate with the real me. I had to recognize that some people are gonna like me, some people aren't gonna like me. But if I had to push out my energy field to figure out and manage their emotions, that is very draining. And I think often people say, oh, dating is so draining. Dating is so energetically, dating is draining if you believe you need to be somebody else for someone, for everybody. If you need their approval and validation, that will feel draining. But if you let certain people like you and resonate with you and you let other people don't, it's not nearly as draining. It's just you think you need to be a different way around certain people, and that of course is extremely draining. So really what this is about and what this will help you do and what I'm gonna show you in this video in multiple different ways is how to get to the root of this pattern of you leaving you. When I learned this years ago was at a life transformation spa that I went to in Costa Rica where a teacher was at the front talking about consciousness and energy. And she had everyone in the group basically said, "Send me energy, send me energy, send me energy." And she said that when that happens, what happens is it has a repelling effect. It feels intrusive because energy is subconsciously leaving their body and going towards her. But she said when everyone brings the energy back into their body, brings the energy back into their body, brings the energy back into their body, then there's a gravitational effect. You can literally feel magnetized towards the crowd. And this is something that I've brought into my live events. I've had people come to the front of the room at my live events to feel it. And it's something that you can energetically feel. When people are inside of their own body, comfortable with themselves, and not needing anything from you, what happens is you are then allowed to feel safe around that other person. If you think about it, like, people feel what you feel about you, and people can feel if you are present inside of your body. But when you are out and you are pushing your energy out of yourself and tuning to them, you can subconsciously feel that something is happening under the surface. You can feel when someone wants something from you. So subconsciously, What happens is you repel that which you want because it creates a disturbance in your energy. It creates an energy that feels intrusive that then has a repelling effect. And this is, a lot of times when people hear this, they start realizing, oh wow, this is a pattern that I've been going, tuning to other people. And I've been, this is why also I feel so burdened when I go out in public. So often what'll happen is people that are subconsciously pushing out their energy and they don't even know it, what ends up happening is they feel burdened when they go out in public and when they're around other people. It's literally because, by the way, they feel responsible for other people's emotions and energies. So that's why, of course, they go out in public and they might feel that way. Because when you go out, you're literally seeing other people as a part of an extension of you. And then asking yourself the question, who do I need to be for them? So literally it's like you stop being yourself. You stop being the real you because you're asking yourself, who do I need to be to get their validation or approval or whatever? And as you stop being the real you, you start repelling actual love and connection. So realize that the common denominator here is that when you push out your energy, you're not being the real you. Energy is leaving your body. And yes, maybe this was a survival mechanism when you were a kid. I know in my childhood, when I was a kid, it didn't necessarily feel safe for me to express the real me. It didn't feel safe for me to be able to have challenges come up or to have uncomfortable emotions. That was something I processed by myself. So what would happen then is that as an adult, there was also this tuning to other people to say, how do I need to be in order to get validation approval? But then it's like something feels off. Have you ever met someone where something just feels kind of off? You're not sure what it is, but then you meet certain people that you feel very safe, calm around. And what happens is you could feel inside of your body how you are with other people. And that can also be something where you can see when you yourself might be pushing your energy out, trying to see who do I need to be for you? That's when you've already started to dissipate yourself. I was talking to a friend yesterday who was explaining to me her, she has a kid and a husband. And what happens is her family was in town from London. And she was explaining how as her kids were growing up, she was talking a little bit about her childhood to her family. And one of the interesting things was the mom said something interesting to her. She was like, oh, it was so interesting. When you were 8 or 9 years old, you'd be completely sick and you'd be inside of your room and we wouldn't even know about it. And she then said, well, the reason I never told her, I never expressed it to you was because I didn't wanna like be a burden. "I didn't think you guys could emotionally handle it." As a little girl at 8 years old, she felt like she wasn't allowed to have uncomfortable emotions because she was normally told to go back to her room and to come out when she figured it out. So what ended up happening now as an adult is she's realizing, "Wow, I didn't feel comfortable to express my own emotions. I felt like I had to be a certain way in order to receive love and approval, et cetera." But imagine what would end up happening if you ended up having that energy that you carried everywhere where you weren't allowed to express the real you. You were not allowed to express emotions that were uncomfortable. That energy then begins to be underneath the surface. And when your energy is underneath the surface, you will attract people into your life to bring that energy out of you. So imagine if you're a people pleaser, or you're a nice guy, or you're somebody that has this like nice girl, whatever, and you believe that in order to be loved or approved of, you need to fix tension or abandon yourself for them, what ends up happening is you end up abandoning yourself to make them happy. And what you'll find is that you'll also attract people into your life that allow you to continue to play that energy. So you might attract people into your life that are very aggressive because maybe you haven't allowed yourself to become comfortable with aggression. So this is the energy underneath the surface where you could feel sometimes that people pleasers or nice guys have this energy that just wants to come out, but it's just under the surface. And instead of being authentic and real, it's like, everything's great, sure. And it's like, who are you really? And often this is why women are so confused because a lot of times in the social condition to say, we want nice men, nice guys are great, but they're not really attracted to nice guys. They're not attracted to nice because nice comes with an agenda. Nice comes with an easing of tension. And many times in attraction, tension is actually good. Tension of when you express how you feel to someone else, there might be tension there. When you're expressing the real you of something that actually you don't agree with, there could be tension there. And if you're not attached to what they think or not, that then shows them who you are on the inside. That shows them your polarity of you being comfortable inside of yourself. But if you believe it's your job to ease tension, you'll continue to push your energy out, dissipating your own energy. And when you push your energy out, you're literally subconsciously abandoning yourself. So my transformation for this energy was when I learned something called the frame technique, which is where you learn how to feel that of the separation between you and other people, the space in between you and other people. And as you do this simple meditation practice, it can completely change how you show up around other people because then you start to feel safe inside of your own body. This is when you realize that their tension is not your tension to manage. And this is when you start abandoning yourself and you start choosing you. So pushing energy out, is something that depletes your energy. And when you bring your energy inside of your body and give yourself permission to access the parts of you that you've been afraid of, that's when you'll start to be free. That's when you'll start to be the real you. And that's when you will then allow people to come into your life that resonate with that real you. And a big part of this process for me though, I will say, was really learning how to be Vulnerable. Vulnerable, meaning expressing what I really felt. And the first couple times you do this, by the way, like literally your body will like, might come up with like fear. It might come up with this very uncomfortable sensation. And it will be something that's coming up because you're just, it's unfamiliar for you to express yourself. When it's like almost like there's a memory in your body of when you were a kid and you express yourself and then there was pain or there was rejection or there was go to your room and figure this out, come out when you're more presentable. That energy will have you suppress it. So then as you start to be vulnerable again, express how you really feel, show your true colors, what you find is that then you might be afraid that comes up. But normally what you'll find is that then as you start expressing it, you start to give yourself more permission. And as you start giving yourself more permission, you start to feel more free. And as you start to feel more free, you start to accept yourself more. And as you start to accept yourself more, you're not so tied to what other people think and say about you. You're not so easy to take on their emotion and responsibility for their emotion. That's pretty much what guilt is if you think about it. Guilt says, I feel responsible. Your tension is my tension. I feel responsible. As a kid, that may have been familiar. You may have felt responsible for mom and dad's emotions. But what happens is as you start to create this energy inside of yourself now, that's when things on the outside can begin to change as a reflection. So understand that the most powerful way for you to attract love is for you to, instead of pushing your energy out, is for you to bring your energy in. And this symbol of pushing your energy out is the symbol for, as a kid, it was a mechanism you believe you needed in order to feel safe. It's a tuning to an energy to walk on eggshells and to figure out who you need to be. But along that process, you abandon yourself in many different ways. You might say yes when you really mean no and vice versa. You might find yourself tolerating people that have more toxic energy. You might find yourself in dynamics that feel familiar to childhood, but literally are reflections of you abandoning yourself over and over again. And energetically, if you think about it, with abandoning yourself and pushing your energy out, you bringing the energy back and choosing yourself, that means choosing vulnerability. That means choosing to express the real you. That means choosing to set boundaries. That means choosing to feel inside of your own body and recognizing that their thing is not your thing to manage. Their tension is not your tension. And what happens is as you begin to also own the dark part of yourself that you haven't been allowing yourself to feel, that's where you'll start to feel more free. It won't feel comfortable. Like, when I went through my transformation of this, there was an aspect of me where I could tell that I was playing out this energy in many areas of my life. Part of it was with certain family members where I, in a way, it was like codependency where I felt like I had to fix certain people in my family. I had to pay and help and do all these things that I thought was helping when in fact it was enabling. And what happened is as I started to set the boundary and I started to clean up the energy, guess what ended up happening? I then turned into the bad guy. And at first that wasn't even an option 'cause like, I don't wanna be a bad family member. I don't wanna be bad. But I recognized that to be bad, I thought being bad was actually having boundaries when it was actually good. It actually allowed other people to grow up. It allowed other people to learn. And for a while, there was an anger there or an energy where it was like, screw Aaron. This is, he's like, he's being bad in this way. But I had to recognize that me not abandoning myself and me letting people actually grow up was actually the insight. And very often what you'll be doing when you set boundaries with someone else or you stop pushing out your energy, including their tension and your tension, this is your thing to manage, you then allow them to grow up. You allow them to sit with their tension and either they will sit with that tension or they won't and they'll find someone else to play that energy dynamic out with. But either way, you are free. So it's a win. It's only not a win if you view it as you lost something or you felt like it was your job to continue to manage their approval and validation. So you become more free when you recognize that it's not your thing to manage and that actually what you think of as your burden or what you think of as bad for them actually might be good for them. It's like when people tune to mom and dad and they want mom and dad's approval and validation. And maybe mom or dad wanted them to go to a certain college and become a certain type of profession and they didn't want it. And they're afraid of letting them down. Well, understand that if you believe it's your responsibility, of course you feel burdened, but you might also believe and think that it's like not good for them. That actually may be the life lesson they came here to learn is how to have unconditional love for their son or daughter. Instead of having the conditions. So you literally might be selfishly robbing them from them actually learning the lesson they came here to learn because you're staying in your old pattern. Kind of changes the perspective. I say that because people pleasers, they wanna do the right thing. They wanna do what's good for other people. Well, what's good for the other person you think of as good for the other person might be enabling the other person. So you're literally, you're actually being selfish and you don't even know it. This is selfish. This is allowing you to stay in familiar patterns. And when you begin to reframe it in this way, you could start realizing that this might be what's best. Them feeling tension and managing their tension is not your thing to manage. And then as you're able to stand in your own frame, this is your initiation into a new you. So I've had to learn how to embrace the bad parts of myself and expressing the real me wasn't bad. It was just something I judged. I was judging the power inside of me. In the same way, I feel like because growing up, I had a controlling stepparent in my life and that this controlling stepparent in my life was somebody that had the energy of, there was a certain energy of power there, even though it was toxic and there was manipulative strings to it, there was a certain level of power that I was then avoiding inside of myself. Because I was afraid that if anybody felt tension, I was gonna become that. I was gonna be that, like if I was to express any anger at all, it'd be like this controlling manipulative anger, which of course that was just, a belief. So the freedom for me was when I learned how to stop pushing out my energy, stop trying to be who they wanted me to be, and I started owning the unprocessed anger and energy inside of myself that I wasn't allowing myself to feel. So maybe this is an opportunity for you to completely transform your life and realizing that your focus is not on trying to attract love, Your focus is on trying to project and push your energy outside of yourself. Your energy instead is focused on owning the energy inside of yourself. It's on owning the aggression or the unprocessed energy from the past, the parts of yourself that you don't allow yourself to access. Your lesson or your focus is on stop abandoning you, start choosing you. Start feeling the emotion you haven't been allowing yourself to feel. And as you start to own that energy inside of yourself and access that part of yourself, you'll find that you are then more magnetically attractive because you're being the real you. And guess what? This isn't draining to be. This is easy to be. It's just about you giving yourself permission. Now, if you wanna learn how to apply this energetically into your body to completely transform your energy from the inside out, The Frame Technique is the most powerful energy technique I have ever found. I have a video right here about it. You can check it, watch it, do that meditation, and watch how your life changes.