You’ll Find This Video When You’re Ready For Real Love

One of the most attractive qualities there is is to have a calm, regulated nervous system. In a calm, regulated nervous system, you will both attract to you people that you can actually go deep with, and you will repel away from you people that have a dysregulated nervous system, or people that when you relate to, keeps you in fight or flight. So many times what happens is from childhood, if it felt normal and familiar to be dysregulated, you might find yourself attracted to people where there are these high highs and low lows because it feels familiar, where maybe you're chasing dopamine, chasing approval, And it's something that happens as a response to your nervous system. And that's why one of the main things that I regulate— that I recommend people do is learn how to regulate your nervous system. It has to do with breathing. You simply take a deep breath in, let it go. Put the awareness inside of your body and recognize that you then from that place can begin priming yourself for that regulated nervous system to then attract to you. Like, be aware of what happens in your life when that happens. Like, I've had very interesting things happen the more that I regulate my nervous system, things in my life have shifted very quickly where things either move out of my life or new things or opportunities come in my life. It comes as a response to that nervous system. So part of this too is the awareness of the energy of how you're feeling. How you relate to other people, and how you feel inside of your body in general. That's why I recommend the frame technique. So by the way, when I do, when I come to Airbnbs, do you guys see what I had to do up there? I had to put like random posters and stuff up there because do you see how, okay, let's see. And certain— okay, the sun's starting to move. That's good. It was like super, super bright, and I had to, you know, I had to finagle a little bit and figure it out. So anyways, what are your questions? I am here to answer some questions. I just wanted to start it off with that awareness that The degree to which you regulate your nervous system is the degree to which you will attract people in your life that mirror back safety. The degree to which you don't regulate your nervous system is gonna be the degree to which you attract people that put you in fight or flight where chaos feels familiar. And remember, familiar, familiar, familial. Do you see? Do you see? Do you see the connection? Familiar, familial, familial. So there are different ways to regulate your nervous system. Um, one of them is about, first off, simply becoming aware of what's happening in your body. A lot of times what I think happens is people's, it's almost like the ego is what's in survival. The ego tries to control, the ego tries to get its needs met, and therefore when the ego is just running rampant because there's no awareness on it, that's when you might stay in fight or flight. But once you become aware of how you're feeling in the moment, you can then choose to breathe. Like everyone right now, take a deep breath in Let it go. Begin to put the awareness on the space in between you and the walls, in between you and your environment, and realize that the more you put the awareness inside of your body with different somatic practices, which also includes feeling the emotion you're resisting feeling, which is such a paradox, right? Because so much of the ego's desire to control is the ego's desire to control what it feels, the emotion that's inside of the body. But if you let yourself feel what comes up with even the Letting go technique, for example. The letting go technique is where, remember, it's very simple. You guys wanna know how to let go? Like the power, the magnetic power of letting go. It's emotional transformation, it's nervous system transformation, it's everything. And the letting go technique is simply becoming aware of what you're feeling, Welcoming the emotion, letting it be there instead of trying to control it or push it away. Let it be there. Welcome it in. It's like if you're at a door and you're just like welcoming someone in. Normally it's like your emotions come to the door of your house and you're like, get out, no. And it keeps trying to come in, but you keep trying to force it. And you're like, no, go over there. Look at that person's house over there. Look at their yard. And you're trying to get them to go over there. But if you just welcome them in, maybe they have a message for you. Maybe the emotion is at your front door and it's like it just wants to come in for a minute and be like, listen, you just don't accept me. If you would just allow me to be here for a couple minutes, I would then transform into a fricking phoenix or something. I'd be like in Harry Potter and I would transform into a phoenix. But you're not even letting your emotions turn into a phoenix. Why? Why? 'Cause you're just telling them to go away. The emotions come to your front door and you say, no, no, just like that. Get away. I don't want you here. You're not welcome here. And then your emotions are like, well, I'm just gonna keep trying, bro. So what do they do? They just wait a little bit. That's called suppression or repression. And go over there, they're just hiding in the side yard. Your emotions are hiding in the side yard because you're not letting them in just to give you a message and for you to just like, it's literally for you to just let them in and be like, it's okay. It's okay. Like there's a part of you that feels Whatever the emotion is, if there's a part of you that feels abandoned, in fight or flight, afraid, in fear, doubt, whatever it is, anxious, it's coming up to your door. It's like a past part of you, an inner child part of you is coming up to your door and you're like, no, how do I get rid of you? I just wanna get rid of these emotions. "Just get out of this, get out, get out." And then this inner child part of you is like, "I feel even more abandoned, no, no." And then it's like, "Okay, I'm just gonna go hide in the side yard over here." And you're like, "I'm gonna suppress you, suppression part of the yard." And then that part of you is just hanging out in the suppression part of the yard. And then what happens is something else trigger comes up And then all of a sudden, here come those emotions. Ding dong. You're like, no, not again. If you were to just let those emotions in, which are also connected to past parts of you that have not felt certain emotions, that where you didn't let it be okay that they feel, then what would happen is they would come into your house, they would feel that emotion, and instead of you being like, get out, No, you can just stop, leave now. You could just be like, hey, I see you, it's okay. It's okay that you feel anxious. It's okay that you feel fear. It's okay that you feel this. It's okay. And then that part of you starts to release, maybe cries, maybe gets angry, maybe it thinks you're still not listening. There might be layers to it. But what happens is you then finally give a way for that part of you to process. So when we're talking about a calm, regulated nervous system, what a lot of people do is they avoid feeling emotions because they're afraid if they feel the emotions, they're gonna attract bad things. They're afraid of feeling the emotions just because they don't feel good. They feel yucky. I don't want to feel yucky emotions. So what happens is the emotion comes to the front door and you say, no, get out of here. Go over in the corner of the yard and just hang out there until some other trigger comes up. Then you can come ring the doorbell again. I don't want you to ring the doorbell again, but you will. You see? So what I'm saying is to regulate your nervous system. What you do is you actually welcome it in. Come on in, come on into the house. How would you talk to the inner child part of you that you normally have been rejecting, trying to get rid of, trying to change, or trying to fix? You trying to fix your inner child, your broken, pathetic inner child who needs fixing? You coming to save the day? Dun, dun, dun, dun. I'm going to save my inner child now. My inner child needs saving. What does that insinuate? Your inner child is broken and what they feel is not okay. When you try to fix someone, what are you signaling? The way you are is not okay, and I can help. If I have something to do with it and I can help you, I will feel better about myself, and then if I help you, you will be the the way that I want you to be, and I will also take your power from you. This is called enabling. So what are we learning here? What are we learning? Regulating the nervous system is about welcoming in. Imagine your emotions show up at your door. Imagine those emotions are representative into a certain inner child part of you. They show up at the door and they're like, hey, I'm just looking for a place that you can hold some space for me and let me feel what's coming up and just let me know it's okay. I will then transform into a fricking phoenix and fly away, fly so high away. And that's what will happen. But guess what? No, get out, get out. Go over to the neighbor's yard. Go over to the part of the yard labeled suppression. Go hang out in the weeded garden. It's like, you know, child's like, why, why, why are you, why are you talking to me like that? Why? You're like, well, I just want to fix you. Come into my house. I'm going to fix you. You need fixing. If I could fix you, I would feel good about myself. Of course it's gonna make more shame come up in your body because I'm trying to fix you. Like, do you ever feel calm and regulated if someone's coming up and they're just trying to fix you? How can I help you? Can you imagine the salesperson? Imagine there's two salespeople, you go into a store. Someone is asking me, do you miss selling shoes? I absolutely, I miss it so much. I think about it every day. I have dreams about it. Of course I'm being sarcastic, but imagine you go into a store and there's two people. One person's like, can I help you? Can I? I'll feel really good about myself. I'll make commission. Huh? Does that wire in, I feel really safe right now? Or if you come in and there's someone else that's there that's calm, that's present, that's attentive, doesn't mean they're just like aloof. But how would you feel in those two energy dynamics? Even if you were to be in like a breathwork ceremony, for example, I'm certified in a certain breathwork process and we do them at my live events sometimes. And what will happen sometimes is one of the things we got trained to do is when we walk around and people's eyes are closed and they're feeling emotion, they might be feeling anger or sadness or, laughing or whatever, imagine they were to peek their eyes open and imagine they peek, they're crying, they peek their eyes open and someone's like, "It's okay, it's okay. Just feel better. I hope you change how you feel." Would you feel safe or would you be like, "Okay, I'm gonna change how I feel." And instead, if you were to be present with them and let, "It's okay." There's different energy between, "It's okay, don't feel what you feel," and it's okay. Can you feel that? It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Why do you feel that way? It's uncomfortable. Please stop. Can I fix you? Can I give you something? Do you want water? Do you want a tissue? You can wipe your tears. Or instead of that, it's okay. It's okay to feel what you feel. It's okay, you feel angry, anxious, sad, it's okay. Different energy, right? So when we talk about a calm regulated nervous system, the thing in this live that I'm trying to help you become aware of is your relationship with your inner child and your inner child that wants certain emotions to be felt that are in the nervous system that has simply not been allowed to be felt. And if you just let them be there, that can be a very powerful transformation. Someone says, my boyfriend was suffocating me with asking me if I feel okay 1,000 times a day. Yeah, exactly. You okay? You okay? Okay. I do anything for you? Can I do a thing for you, bro? Just be. Chill out. But part of that might be, yeah, I wonder what it is for you. Did you express? Yeah, it's up to you. So a big part of this, so to kind of summarize everything we're talking about so far when it comes to a calm regulated nervous system, a huge part of it is simply allowing the emotions to be there instead of the pattern of trying to control reality and other people to help you avoid feeling certain emotions. Let the emotions be there. Feel it, welcome them in. In the metaphor of being at your house, ding dong, someone ringing on the door, you open it up, it's maybe an emotion, a past version of you. It might be an inner child part of you that wasn't allowed to feel anger or sadness or anxiety or whatever. And what happens is normally what we do is we say, no, we shut the door, we slam it, we tell them to go somewhere else, go to the neighbor's house, go to the corner of the yard where all suppression emotions live. Don't come into my house. And what happens is we keep the dysregulation happen. It feels familiar for it to be under the surface. But here's the kicker. Who's ready for the kicker? I've mentioned the kicker, but I'm gonna mention it again. If you would let that inner child part of you or those emotions in and just allow them to be, and you say, it's okay, not it's okay, it's okay, can you please stop feeling it 'cause it's so uncomfortable? It's okay, it's okay. And you're present, What happens is in that present energy, you then allow them to feel, you signal it's okay, and that part of you then begins to integrate, and then it turns into a phoenix and it apparates out like Harry Potter. It can apparate Dumbledore. You turn, you turn literally into Dumbledore's phoenix. Just saying. Does that make sense? So that's what happens. So a big part of regulation is allowing yourself to feel what comes up, being present with those emotions, allowing them in. You can make the choice to let them go, but that's a powerful— that's a powerful part of it. Being aware of your breath, breathing. Is another part of it. Identifying when you're dysregulated and what is the trigger to that dysregulation. And that's magnetic. Now remember as well, something we've talked about in prior lives as well, is you are the most magnetic version of you when you do not have an agenda. When you have an agenda, When you have an agenda, whether you want someone's approval or validation, whether you want them to be a certain way, whatever it is, when you have an agenda, people feel that. When you don't have an agenda because you're good either way and you're present inside of your own body, you are magnetic. Because you're not trying to get anything out of reality. You're just being. Like if you were to imagine going on a date and you go on a date and the questions you're asking yourself is, does this person like me? There's an agenda there and there's a projection that's happening. But if you go on a date and you're just enjoying yourself, you might ask yourself, oh, are there certain values we have in common? Is there synergy here? You might ask yourself those questions, but do you see how the questions are different? Instead of saying like, what do I have to do to get this person to like me? That is putting the power outside of yourself and being at the effect, not the cause. When you're present in your body and you're asking yourself, do I have things in common with this person? Be curious. That's also magnetic, just to be curious, to be present. You see the difference there? It was like when I used to sell women's shoes back in the day, and one of the huge shifts for me was when I went into work and instead of trying to sell a certain amount, the intention was on connecting to people. It's a more pure energy. You could say it's an agenda, but it's a more pure energy that also, think about this, it's also in alignment with them. Here's a powerful reframe for understanding interrelational dynamics and relationship to self. You create a win-win scenario. Someone's coming inside the store, let's say, to buy something. You connect with them, and by connecting with them in an authentic way, you can then add value to them and help them. It's a win-win. If your intention is, I just want to sell a certain amount, does someone come into the store and they're like, I really hope there's a sales commission person that I can make their day today? Probably not, right? They're not like, how can I make someone's sales quota for the day? I'm going to go into the store and I'm going to help make someone's sales quota. Eh, you don't really think about that. Well, in the same way, do you think people are like, How can I validate a whole bunch of people today? So when you go, if you go out and you want validation or approval from other people, other people aren't like, I'm just sitting here with all these stacks of paper to validate people and approve of people. And my goal is just to approve and validate people. There's someone I can validate. Yes. That part of this is letting people, you want to let people have an opinion about you either way, whether they like you or dislike you. You give them the option to choose. That's a magnetic quality to have, whether they choose you or not. Do you see the difference there? So when you're not attached to outcome and there's no agenda, and you're being, that's when you're magnetic. And one of the reasons it's magnetic is because you are being in the present moment, not wanting or trying to control reality, which by the way is an ego survival mechanism. The God energy inside of you is not trying to control. It's just letting whatever happen happen. You can still have intention, you can still set intention, you can still have goals, but the difference is attached to them and believing that they are going to complete you, like the ego might believe. And when you become aware that that's what your ego is doing, the ego is trying to control reality, to control emotions, to control how you feel, etc. That's where there's some power. So realize that that's when you actually allow people to either decide if they like you or not. It's when you're good either way. You're good whether they like you or they don't like you and you just accept it and you realize also, let's get rid of the belief that you are going to be everyone's cup of tea. Imagine everyone has a favorite tea flavor. Everyone's sitting around a table and they have their favorite tea. And you're like, I just wanna be this person's favorite cup of tea. Well, guess what? Maybe if I talked them into it, did you know Earl Grey has Earl and Grey in it and it's so delicious and there's only this much caffeine in it and it's so good and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever. If you can accept that not everyone's gonna like Earl Grey, then you're not attached. And some people might be like, ooh, Earl Grey, haven't had that in a while. But there's no pressure. You see the difference? We're using a lot of metaphors in this live. It's kind of cool 'cause I think it kind of paints a picture, doesn't it? So you're not gonna be everyone's cup of tea. So stop trying to talk people into you as a cup of tea. You're like, "Oh, it's got this in it. I put a little lemon in it. Oh my God, it's so good. I like it so much. I hope you like it too. Do you like it? Do you like it?" Just accept. And the degree to which you grow, by the way, like the degree to which I grow, even on Instagram or YouTube or whatever, is the degree to which there are people that resonate with me and there are people that really don't resonate with me. 'Cause I'm putting myself out there. Everyone has different opinions and thoughts. Even go through the comments, you can see that. People are like, I love your hair. 'You should grow it back.' Literally, those two comments were right one right on top of the other. Everyone's going to have a different perspective. Am I worthy if I grow my hair back out? Am I worthy? Please, please like me. Give me the approval and validation. You see, just to accept that you're not going to make, like, you're not going to be everyone's cup of tea. Some people don't even like tea. Some people like herbal tea because it doesn't have caffeine. Some people like coffee and they don't like tea. A lot of people like tea. I think tea— is tea more popular than coffee? I think so. So just, you don't take it personal. You just don't take it personal. That makes sense. All because someone's, you're not someone's cup of tea. Make sense? Interesting, someone says, my OCD wants the approval and validation so bad. So OCD stands for, what does it stand for? Something compulsive disorder, over obsessive. It stands for obsessive compulsive control disorder. What does OCD stand for? I wonder what the purpose, so what is the purpose of the OCD doing? When someone says, "I have OCD," why? What is the survival mechanism? What is the ego trying to protect itself from? Losing control, maybe? What do you believe other people's approval and validation? You know, here's the crazy thing. OCD is set into place because it's trying to get reality to be a certain way so that then you could feel safe on the inside. There might be an OCD inner child part of you that doesn't feel seen or heard or wants approval and validation, but because you might not be giving it to you, it's looking and trying to control everything in reality. Does that make sense? Literally, if you were to pay attention and to approve your inner child and validate your inner child, what would happen is you wouldn't crave it so much. From the outside. It's like your inner child is looking for it. It's like, you know the analogy we used earlier of like the house and the emotion thing? So like you have a house, your inner child or your emotions are coming up to you and they're coming up to your house and they're like, "Hey, can we come in? We just wanna feel, we just want some, if you could just hold some space for us." And you're like, "No, get out, get out. You are not welcome here. Thou shall not pass." And then it's like, okay, I'm just gonna go over here. I'm gonna go to a neighbor's house. You're like, yeah, go over to the neighbor's house over there. Part of the OCD is like controlling that whole dynamic, just like controlling the inner child part of you that might come up that might feel not validated or approved of. And instead of validating and approving that inner child, it's like, okay, I'm gonna, it's wandering around. Your inner child is wandering the streets. Wandering the streets all by themselves because you haven't let it in and you haven't approved it. That make sense? Does that make sense? Does that resonate with you? Let's see. Is regulating the nervous system similar to mindfulness? I mean, there's a certain level of awareness, I would say, that comes in, but I think sometimes mindfulness implies a lot of mental stimulation, whereas somatic feeling is The, uh, the, the sweet spot is the gold. That makes sense. Is today Lion's Gate? I'm seeing Lion's Gate portal. Oh my goodness, it is Lion's Gate. Have you thought of doing cartoons? That has not crossed my mind. Somebody asked earlier, do I ever think about going like, what, like wishing I was still selling women's shoes, or do I miss selling women's shoes? No. Do I want to write and do cartoons? No. But if your inner child wants to do cartoons, you should. You should, you should do whatever you want to do. 8/8, Lion's Gate, meaning we give the dates. It's a powerful portal because it's a specific date, because it's 8/8 and it's two numbers back-to-back. It's so special. So if you have questions, go and put it in the comment section. How to stop comparing yourself to someone that is more successful. More. Yeah. So how to stop comparing yourself to someone that's more successful. What's interesting is that when we compare ourselves to different people, it's in a way fighting for— it's fighting to feel approved of ourselves. It's fighting for— what is it? If we are comparing ourselves, I mean, we're in a competitive mind, we're in a competitive mindset, obviously, for also comparing ourselves to other people. But when you see someone else that's more successful than you, you could think that you interacting with them or you even perceiving of them as something that has to bring you down. You compare yourself to, and then you think that like, oh, I'm not where they are. Or you can let it inspire you. It's just a reframe. Take it as a sign that you're moving in a direction towards more of what you want. I mean, that's one thing. Maybe that's the surface level though. What's the deeper thing? I guess inner child-wise, it's like, do you compare your, comparing yourself, it's comparing ourself to siblings sometimes. I think sometimes it's like comparing ourselves to siblings, not wanting to shine too bright. If I shine too bright, I'm taking attention away from somebody else or I need to shine more. So I'm comparing myself to someone else. But comparison may just be a way of like feeling familiar emotions like shame. And we recognize that we can start to see that it's just an ego survival mechanism that keeps familiar emotions intact. Interesting, right? But I stopped comparing myself when I realized it's not a game. It's not like, I mean, you could say like, here's the thing. You're— if you're comparing yourself to other people, you're playing a game of either feeling better than other people or worse than other people. Think about that for a minute. Now, one thing I've learned to do is to not compare myself to where I feel less than other people, to be aware of that energy, but also to not embrace the pride that comes with feeling better or more successful than other people. Because what happens is then it's also tied to outcome. This is where we're in the realm of fighting for outcome or to prove ourselves versus just being worthy for being. Do you see the, do you see the energy difference there? So the idea is that if we are gonna feel pride, like, okay, so for example, if I'm making YouTube videos or running live events, And if when I'm running a live event, I then have clips from that live event that go mega viral, I could say, I'm very worthy. I could then compare myself to other people on YouTube and be like, my YouTube channel is on fleek. It's doing really well. I feel great. Pride, pride, pride. But then what happens is my sense of self-worth is tied to my comparison to other people and those results. When in the same way, I could say, oh, I'm not where I wanna be. And I could feel less than or not good enough. Both, I think, are dangerous. Instead, this is why integrity is so powerful. Living in integrity with putting authentic content out there, with connecting to other people, with not being just tied to the outcome and the result. Does that make sense? It means not taking the end result and letting it internalize anything about you. Instead, focusing on the process. You see someone else that has what you want, focus on the process. Focus on being that version of you. Focus on putting yourself out there. Focus on embracing the fear, the doubt, the self, the imposter syndrome. Embrace it all. Does that make sense? So pride is then, if you're attached to pride, it's also a lower vibrational emotion that says I'm better than other people. I compare myself. It's also dangerous. I don't get, when I see a negative comment, it doesn't affect me because the positive comments don't affect me. Does that make sense? If every time I saw a positive comment that's like, Aaron, that video changed my life, or Aaron this or Aaron that, I'd be like, oh, I feel great because I'm getting that reflection. But then if I see a negative comment, oh, it's like my emotions are tied to that. So instead it's like, be committed to the process, be committing to integrity, be committed to doing the best that you can. If you're doing the best you can and you're honest with yourself, you'll sleep good at night. You don't have control. Like, remember the analogy. Can you make a plant grow? Can you make a plant grow? You say, Aaron, I can water the plant. Yeah, you could, but do you make the plant grow? You could put it in the sun, but do you make it grow? No, God makes it grow. The intelligence and consciousness of the plant makes it grow. You don't do that. That's freeing. You get that? You can be free when you realize this. You don't have to control. It's not your job. When you're comparing yourself to other people, it's like trying to make the plant grow. It's tied to outcome, the plant growing. And isn't it funny that people with a green thumb, they just believe they have a green thumb, or maybe they're just like, it's, they're not trying really hard meddling with the plant every day. They might sing songs and just be with the plants, and it's like, it's a different energy, right? So the point of this is you can't make a plant grow, and that's empowering. Your job, your job's to focus more on energy, being the best you can, living in integrity. And when you do that, you'll find that you're more magnetic. One of the most powerful Instagram Lives I've done is on whether you can actually make a plant grow and how you can let go and allow God and the universe to flow through you. If you wanna check out this video, it will completely transform the way you view letting go And allowing in, and you can check it out right here.