Your nervous system is blocking love and abundance…
Aaron Doughty argues that a dysregulated nervous system blocks love and abundance. When you attach too much importance to outcomes or people, you create resistance and stay stuck in controlling patterns. By returning to a calm, childlike presence and practicing breath work and bodywork, you can become outcome-independent and allow universal flow to work through you.
Chapters
What if your biggest block to attracting love and abundance is simply in your nervous system? What if the degree to which you have a calm, regulated nervous system is the degree to which you are magnetic? And what if literally right now you are blocking that love and connection from coming in because you may have normalized a dysregulated nervous system? You may tolerate people that are controlling, you may tolerate a certain type of person or temperament, maybe emotionally unavailable people, and because of that, it's taking up the energetic space that is blocking deep love and connection from coming into your life. Now, one of the things I've learned in my journey is that the deep love and connection comes from calm. It comes as a result of regulating the nervous system. It comes as a result of not making what other people think's very important and not putting the external on a pedestal. So in this video, what you're gonna learn is a new concept that I'm gonna be sharing with you that has to do with understanding importance and things we make very, very important that also dysregulates the nervous system. And what you're gonna learn is how to go back to the energy of when you were a kid playing in the sandbox, not attached, not trying to get certain results. You were in the moment. And in this video, I'm gonna show you step by step how you can do that for yourself. I'm gonna show you how you can take things off a pedestal to see it as natural. I'm gonna show you the most powerful ways I regulate my own nervous system. And by the end of it, you'll understand that if you simply apply this in your life, you will begin to attract new people as a new reflection, new synchronicities as a new reflection, and also new opportunities and magic when you begin to trust the unknown. Because the truth is, when you let go of the ego's desire to control, you will allow yourself to feel calm and regulated and you will allow the universe or God or the divine to flow through. So in this video, that's exactly what you're gonna learn. And by the end of it, you'll understand how you can apply that in your life. Like, have you ever had it happen where when you're in a certain energy or a certain state of being, you only attract, like, certain people will reach out to you out of nowhere, or you find yourself synchronistically running into a specific person, and that that then represents kind of like, oh, I might have to like take a couple deep breaths, regulate my body, my nervous system, and start focusing on that. And on the other side of it, have you ever had it happen to where you were feeling great, regulated, you were feeling excited about something, calm, also excited, Like sometimes I think what happens when it comes to like attracting love or attracting deep connections is there's this assumption that it's supposed to feel like there's this crazy high, the aliveness, not realizing that for deep connection to actually happen, when you normalize connection and it's like there's this calm presentness It's like this calmness and that that calmness is what creates connection. So this is all connected. And recently I just got back from Europe and one thing that I'm going through right now is I realized that right before I went to Europe for 5 weeks, I ran a live event there. What happened is as I was going to Europe, Before that, I had about a week or two of really busy stuff I had to take care of because I was leaving the States for 5 weeks. So I was go, go, go, go. Then I go to Europe and in Europe I run a live event. I'm traveling to multiple different cities. It's epic and amazing in many ways. At the same time, it's go, go, go, go. And it was like on flights a lot. It was like I could tell the flying caused inflammation. The flying all the time was like kind of like every travel day was kind of like a stressful day. It was dysregulating to the nervous system. And then it was kind of like I'd go get into a new environment, be there for a week, and then go to a new environment for a week. And it was like my nervous system was constantly kind of like, yo bro, where am I? "and what kind of food are you eating?" The food is incredible. I was eating like, you know, I went to Paris, probably the best food was probably in Paris in my opinion. But there was amazing food all over. I went to London, Amsterdam, Lisbon, Ibiza. Don't say Ibiza apparently, say Ibiza. And then Paris. And then it was like my body was getting used to new foods, new things to digest. And then when I came back, I was in LA for a week and then I came to Austin and it was like, I was go, go, go, go, go. And what I've realized recently is what I'm going through right now is I'm finally like relaxing my nervous system. And from that, there's so much clarity that comes. There's so much alignment that comes. And things become clear. But there was like a 2 or 3 day stint where I had to like, in a way, kind of like accept that the high highs from being in Europe and the new foods and all this stuff, I'm actually getting like, part of regulating my own nervous system is like eating very basic foods, simple ingredient foods. And notice how that makes, and how that, makes me feel. Starting to normalize feeling calm. I went to a, like a body worker type, like person that was able to like feel into certain parts of like my muscles, my body, and could tell that like the whole right side of my body was kind of wound up. And part of that is just that go, go, go energy. And when I would work out sometimes I would feel this like pressure on the right side of my head when I was like pushing it. And I was like, you know what, maybe what I have to do is actually like pull back a little bit and relax a little bit. So I started focusing more on my nervous system. What that meant is instead of pushing it really hard and keeping that energy going, I focused on relaxing. I focused on, I focused on like I took a bath. I focused on things like I was, The first step of regulating your nervous system is being aware of if you're wound up or not. Does that make sense? The second step might be to actually start to normalize space, even normalize silence. I was coaching someone yesterday who told me that when she's speaking to people, She's very uncomfortable with silence. She feels like she has to fill the space because she doesn't wanna waste people's time. But what happens is a lot of times when you fill the space, you're not allowing people to actually even integrate what you're saying. The last London live event I did, I feel like I finally got to a place at live events where I could like, 'cause I'm basically speaking for like 3 days straight, like 8 hours a day. And I finally was getting more and more comfortable with silence, slowing things down. And it has such a powerful effect on the room and it creates a more regulated nervous system for the group. It's interesting, it's like there's a group energy It's almost like in running live events, there's a group consciousness, almost like a group nervous system. And if I want to regulate the nervous system of the group, I have everyone taking a deep breath in, a deep breath out, and actually feel the separation between them and the walls, them and above and below, and then they're much more relaxed. And when they're relaxed, it's easier for me to get into a flow state. So part of it's selfish. So if you have questions about this, go ahead and put it in there. Even with coaching, even with coaching, like when I, the most, when I'm coaching people either at a live event or in person or on Zoom, one of the most healing things is just having people around that, or being around people and being calm and regulated. And if someone's processing something or sharing something, instead of trying to fix and get in there, taking a deep breath and observing from a neutral place, that many times creates the safe space for people to heal. That makes sense. So that is, that is the main thing. Now what I'm going to be doing is answering some questions, see what comes up. You go and put the questions in the Q&A box to the side over here. It's always a balance of kind of like going back and forth between what I wanted to talk about and then getting into a flow state. Okay? Basically, I start these videos and then it's like the goal is one of you will pop up with a really good question and that good question will insinuate a flow state. So where's the good question? Where's the good question? Let's see it. Those are good questions. How does one become outcome independent? Outcome independent. So if there's an attachment to outcome, there's an attachment to control. If there's an attachment to outcome, there's an attachment to attachment too. So have you ever noticed that when you're good either way, there's a trusting of God or the universe? When someone is outcome independent, if you wanna become outcome independent, think of it like your ego thinks it knows what's best. Your ego has an outcome that it wants. That ego that has an outcome it wants is robbing the divine from giving you what's actually meant for you. Think about that for a minute. Insinuating that the ego knows what's best might be getting in the way and blocking what's actually best for your soul, what's actually best for your nervous system. Because tie this back to what we were just saying, right? You might be outcome dependent and you might want a specific person, but that specific person might not be the best for your nervous system. It might be dysregulating, but you want it. And maybe you want it 'cause it feels familiar. It's attachment, attachment to what's familiar. So a lot of times what happens is the ego at a certain point, think about this, if you want to detach from outcome and you want to experience a big transformation, right here on the video around letting go of attachment. Think about this. When you were a kid, you were maybe at some point present to the moment. You were playing in a sandbox, metaphorically, maybe literally. You were playing in the sandbox. You were having a good old time. You were making little sandcastles. You were like doing the shovel thing or you were playing with Barbies, whatever you did in the sandbox. You were in the sandbox just having a good time. You were playing, you were in the moment, you weren't attached to outcome, you were playing. You might've been playing house, you might've been playing cars, or you, what did I play? I had like action figures and stuff. And you were present to the moment. And then what happened? Something happened. Maybe fight flight, maybe you got in trouble for something. Maybe you got yanked out of the sandbox. Whatever it was, there was some uncomfortable emotion there. And with that uncomfortable emotion, there was a decision that was made. That decision was, I can't just trust. I must control. I must avoid pain. To avoid pain, I need to be attached to outcome. So what it is is it's partially a trauma response to not trusting what is, not trusting the moment to be. So if you wanna learn how to become outcome independent, which means not outcome dependent, partially has to do with the awareness of the ego and what the ego wants. What does the ego want? The ego might want approval. The ego might want security. The ego might want validation. And whatever the ego wants, that's why there's a benefit. You believe there's a benefit to controlling because The unknown is scary, but the unknown is also God, the divine. So in a way, you're robbing the divine and God from bringing you something because you're insinuating you know what's best. You see? So a big part of this is realizing the awareness of the ego, the awareness of why you believe you want what you want. Have you ever had something that you thought you wanted and then you got it and you realize, hey, this wasn't everything I thought? Maybe you thought you wanted it and you pushed for it and you forced it and you created more resistance and you end up blocking it. Because understand, whatever you really, really want, guess what happens on the other end of that? Whatever you really, really want, guess what? You really, really lack. When you really, really want it, you put it on a pedestal. You create something called excess importance. Everyone type in excess importance. Excess importance is a fancy word. You make things really important, you create resistance, and guess what happens? You literally, it's like there's balancing forces in reality that keep that thing from you because you're resisting it. The reality we live in is due to resonance. It's due to resonance. And what happens is when you realize that it's not about having things on a pedestal and wanting, it's about letting it be natural. Does that make sense? Let it be natural for your identity. Let it be natural for you to have deep connections in your life. Let it be natural for you to be in abundance. Make it really, really important. You give this area of your life a lot of resistance. Decrease the level of importance. That will also help you regulate your nervous system. Now you could say that a dysregulated nervous system normally has made things in life very serious. You stopped playing in the sandbox, and instead of playing in the sandbox, it became seriousness. Life is so serious. That seriousness creates pressure. And what if a lot of, how many of you have had it happen where you had a challenge or a problem and then what you do is you keep forcing, you keep trying to make it work, you keep trying to make it work and then you go for a walk, you go for a walk, you let go. Yeah, figure it out later. What happens? What happens when you go for the walk? You let go of resistance. right? You figured things out. Does that make sense? Does that resonate with your heart chakra? Just kidding. So, so understand that when you decrease the level of importance you give anything, you allow yourself to actually receive that thing. You want to select it and choose it. Knowing I'm good either way. This is the key to it. This is the key. You're good either way because you accept and you're present to the moment and you accept the divine that is all around you. You recognize the divine that is all around you. The importance is when you start making things and the external important and then it dysregulates your nervous system. So you could say there is a direct connection between importance and your nervous system. Think about that. And what I'm saying is make it important, but not too important. Let it be natural for you to feel calm because the other side of this is, okay, make it important that you have a strong regulated nervous system. Well, then you put that on a pedestal and what ends up happening? You create lots of resistance because you're like, "Oh my God, Aaron said I have to regulate my nervous system if I wanna create more connection in my life. I gotta go regulate my nervous system. Don't talk to me, Becky. I need to regulate my nervous system. Kids, go in the room. I gotta regulate my nervous system." And then you get stressed out about regulating your nervous system, creating importance. Have you noticed that anytime Like people that don't want to age, it's very, very important we don't age. I'm gonna do all the biohacking stuff. I'm gonna sit with red light therapy. I'm gonna do 60 things 'cause I don't want— The people that don't wanna age the most, that wear all the biohacking stuff and they dedicate their lives to it, a lot of times they make it so important They create resistance. They're not in the present moment. They're trying to get somewhere else or they're trying to stop a process that's natural and they age faster. And you ever notice that? Not all of them, but some of the most vibrant magnetic people you've met that look young and have youthful energy are people that are present to the moment. They're not trying to not age. They're not people like, "I'm gonna live to be 185 years old." Wanting to live to 185 years old also takes you outta the present moment. And it's also probably a form of ego that wants to control instead of trusting the divine, trusting God, still following your intuition, still following like healthy diets and stuff. But do you guys see what I'm saying here between the difference between nervous system to importance, to letting go, right? Yeah, it's funny, like even having a drink, like I don't drink alcohol, but you can drink alcohol and feel guilty about the alcohol and that might be not worse, but that might have more of a negative effect than if you're in a celebratory mood and you drink and maybe when you drink you have a regulated nervous system and then it's like you absorb it differently. I'm sure they've proved this before. Like even when I was in Lisbon, for example, I was in Lisbon, there was this place we would go eat and it was called Timeout Market, really busy place. They had all this crazy good food. But what happens is going there, there's a lot of people around, there's a lot of stimulation around. And what I noticed for myself is that when I'm around a lot of energy, a lot of loud noises, it's kind of dysregulated to my nervous system. I don't think food digests as well when I am in that energy. So it kind of like, if I were to eat, with on the beach or in nature, or if I were to eat and actually chew my food, be very present, what some people call drink your food and chew your water. Isn't that an interesting idea? Drink your food, meaning chew it up so much it turns into liquid, and chew your water, it's like just don't drink so fast. Digest better. But what happens is there is a, there isn't a connection between my nervous system when I'm eating to how the food digests. So there's a, there's a connection. So the key to this is understanding this energy and understanding where your nervous system is. It's always the first step is awareness. Some of you are asking about my voice. It's because I just entered the last stage of puberty and now it's permanently like this, okay? I just turned 20. I'm now 20 years old. I started making YouTube videos when I was 11, okay? No, so part of regulating the nervous system has been since coming back here, there's been like a clearing. Like I got congested for a few days, went away, and then now it's just kind of in my throat. But what it is is I feel like it's my nervous, I'm finally in parasympathetic from not traveling so much. So it's like everything's clearing away. I actually feel better than the last couple days. And it was just annoying feeling like congested. But it's going away. I feel a lot better. Thank you for your concern. Or I've just— I've gone through the final stage of my voice dropping. As my dad got older, his voice got deeper. I'm like, one day I will be teaching and I will be speaking like this, but it will sound normal and natural. So Yeah, I'm 20 years old now. I started YouTube in 2017 and, um, I was 11 or 12 or something. I don't even remember. You guys look at my videos, you'll see I looked very young. So I'm just kidding, obviously. Yeah, I'm in my 30s, not my 20s. I've been doing YouTube since I was 20-something. Yeah, so I'm fine, I'm fine, okay? I don't think, like, I appreciate all the nice wishes. So yeah, I look great for 20, right? When it comes to what we're talking about, okay, what's your biggest insight so far? We've got importance is connected to the nervous system. Anything you make really, really important, you create resistance around. What a lot of people do is subconsciously they make it important how other people see them. They make it important, the attachment to outcome of how things happen. And they rob the divine or God from bringing them magic because they insist the ego knows what's best. They insist the ego knows what's best. And if you wanna become outcome independent, Allow the divine to flow through you and you won't need to control from the ego. You are connected to the divine. That makes a big difference. So a lot of things in your life shift when you let go of trying to control and you start allowing. This is a lot of what I teach also, even when it comes to coaching. When I'm coaching in live events, a lot of it is creating a safe space and being in a calm, regulated nervous system. That calm, regulated nervous system is magnetic to the crowd. People feel calm and regulated and they get insights. That's why as a coach, it's very important if you're a coach or an aspiring coach to understand your attunement. It's not so much about the advice you give, It's about the energy. It's about your calm regulated nervous system. It's about the questions you ask. And for those of you, by the way, I don't know if this is like one of the last days, on Monday starts a 3-week process of coaching, hot seat coaching to help you basically regulate your nervous system and understand how to get life-transforming results not only in your life but in clients' lives if you feel called to be a coach or an aspiring coach. So if you're either already a coach or an aspiring coach and you wanna learn how to create life-transforming results for people and you wanna remove the blocks to being confident in your ability to do that, on Monday starts a 3-week process for free. It's literally a $2,000 course for free and in exchange for feedback or to make it better, and you can apply and anyone from my list gets moved to the front of the list. All you gotta do is put CCA. It's called the Conscious Coaches Accelerator. It starts on Monday. It's starting in 2 days from now. CCA, you type in CCA if you want that. So anyways, CCA, you apply, there is an application. And then once you get in, it's that the calls are every Monday, Wednesday, Friday. At 11 Central time or 12 Eastern time. And it's not just passive for people that just wanna watch a couple videos, it's for people that really wanna create inside-out transformation. I believe a lot of people watching my videos are people that are kind of on the leading edge 'cause there's an awakening happening on the planet and people are feeling called to this kind of work. They're feeling called to like, you know, whether you're into Reiki, you consider yourself a healer or, Like there's many different things that go into being a coach. But anyways, if that's you, you could type in CCA. CCA, yeah. Anyways, this is, I don't want people depending on me anymore. I don't wanna coach, I write books. So what's interesting is people, you don't wanna create dependence even with your friends. Some of you are probably in group, you're in a group of friends where everyone comes to you when they have stuff. Am I right? How many of you have experienced that? So people come to you and here's the thing, if you continue to think it's your job to fix them, they will continue to come to you. It's not your responsibility to fix them and you feeling dependent, they're depending on you because in a certain way you've tolerated and you've resonated with that dependence. Instead of empowering people and letting them figure it out themselves, but not feeling the need to fix. And there's ways to shift that energy. Part of it is the way you view other people. Like a big part of coaching is not seeing people in their energy of feeling like you need to fix them and creating codependency, which is really what you're talking about, where they need you to give them answers or they need you to regulate. Instead, the way you see other people goes into how they're responding to you. I remember this guy that I used to work with, I've shared this a few times, and what happened is a lot of people would find themselves annoyed by this guy. And what would happen is no one wanted to work with him. But what I would do is I would work with him and I got a completely different version of him because of how I saw him. I didn't let myself like dread being around him. And also I became at the, instead of like, instead of just assuming and buying into the negativity, I kind of set the frame with him. I was actually more playful and that playful energy brought about a different version of him. So a big part of this, and I actually enjoyed working with him even more so than some of the other people I worked with that weren't as negative. So realize you can have an effect. You don't have to be kind of like a leaf in the wind about that. You can allow yourself to like set the frame with people. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, I see myself more as a guide than like someone said, like it's all about how you see yourself, savior, facilitator, guide, helper. I see myself more as a facilitator/guide, which is empowering to other people to figure out their own things. A lot of it is the questions you ask in coaching. It's not you having to have all the answers. And if you wanna learn one of the most powerful techniques I've learned for regulating my nervous system, it's called the frame technique. It's what I teach at my live events. It's how you can feel safe inside of your own body. It's how you can stop taking on the energy of other people, and it's how you can start living from a state of presence instead of tuning to other people, instead of tuning and trying to control. And it allows you to feel safe in your body, which correlates with feeling safe in reality. Listen to this meditation right here and find out for yourself how it changes your energy.
