Le piège du burn-out : vouloir plaire à un boss qui te méprise

My friends, good evening. You know, there are two types of changes in life. The first is a change that you decide on your own. It's a change that you want to control, that you want to make. For example, it's New Year's Eve and you decide to do some exercise, or you decide to stop eating takeout because it hurts you. That's what we call a resolution. Well, it doesn't happen all the time on the 1st of the month or January 1st, but it can happen at any time of the year or even in your life. This type of change is very hard to maintain. Why? Because between us, it has an artificial side. Indeed, you've decided mentally, you see, to do or not to do this or that. And it costs you a lot of effort. And then sometimes you fail. Sometimes you get to February and you don't remember your New Year's resolutions anymore. But there is another type of change. This change is very profound. It comes from within. You don't control it. It's not a choice on your part. It's not that you choose. No, it's imposed on you. It comes from within. It's strong, it's powerful. And you can always think about dismantling the mechanisms a little, saying how I got here, how it happened, all that. But deep down it's something so powerful you don't need to make an effort. And then generally you can always evolve later. But it's not something you're going to reverse one day. Let me give you a simple example that I've seen in myself. I can't tell you tonight why I changed in this way, but let me describe the situations so that we can agree. Previously, I was in a company and I had a line manager who hated me. I remember one company in particular. There was a reorganization, you know, a buyout, a merger, something like that. And then we called everyone together, we had a meeting. And then you had the CEO, his right hand man who spoke and everything, so and so left. So and so joined the company, so and so retired. So and so was fired. This team over there, that team over there. The net result is that you find yourself next week under a new manager. The guy might have a bad reputation and he hates you. That happened to me. The guy I arrived, he couldn't stand me, just like that. And then he. He had his favorites. And what was he going to do? Well, he only had his favorites for his favorites. And for the others, their work, their contribution, their opinion was completely disregarded. You do what you want, it's worth absolutely nothing. So what was I like before when I found myself. How did I react when I found myself in such an uncomfortable position? Of course, at the time, what I was doing was giving it my all. That means I was telling myself, I'm going to prove my worth. I didn't say it to myself as clearly as that, but I think that's what drove me. I was telling myself, if the guy hates me, if the guy despises me, if the guy treats me this way, it's probably because he didn't see the value in my profile, in my work. He may have lacked vision in that regard. And I'm going to give him less proof of how valuable my work is to the company, to the team, to what you want, to humanity, to the universe. And so I gave it my all. And that's it. Now, that's the first situation. What's changed today, for a few years now, I started to slip away from that. And towards the end of my life, when I was in business, I slipped more and more into it. And today I have even become very radicalized in it. I mean, I have come to understand one thing. I have come to understand that these people who hate you like that, like that, without there being any incident. I am quite happy that if someone. There is an incident between us now he lends me his car and I ram it, or he finds text messages from me on his wife's phone, things like that, you know, things in life, human things, and then he hates me because of that. I am quite happy that there is a reason, there is a past. But I have become intractable, especially in the workplace. A neighbor has the right not to like me like that. He has the right. I mean, it doesn't matter. He doesn't say hello, I don't say hello. That's it. But in the workplace, someone who shows me like that right away, that they hate me and despise my work, those are the people I take more prisoners with these days. Those are the people you can't have a conversation with. Those are the people you can't establish a respectful and working relationship with. You're not required to have friends outside. But there's no way. There's no point in doing what I did. That's what I did. I pushed myself to burnout, I pushed myself to overwork. I pushed myself to overload, to stress, to fatigue, in order to prove my worth to people who immediately despise me. With those people, you'll never be able to. And honestly take it from someone who's really Tried everything. You don't have to burn out and all that to try. Take it from me directly, there's absolutely no way you can change the way these people see you. If Demblay hates you, I assure you, don't bother. It's useless. Don't make an effort. It's useless. Let me tell you something. I'm going to exaggerate, I'm going to caricature, but just to give you an example so that the message gets through, let's say you give so much of yourself in your field, you work so hard, you achieve such excellence that you're nominated for the Nobel Prize, that finally they call you from Sweden, they tell you to come, you come, they give you the Nobel Prize. Do you know what that person will say? Ah, the Nobel Prize. These days they give it to the first person who comes along. Back then, the Nobel Prize was something. It was a very respectable award. But today, there you go. I didn't win the Nobel Prize, but I've heard comments about me of that nature, you know what I mean? In proportion to my work that didn't involve a Nobel Prize. But just to tell you, you can't reverse the way they look at you once they've decided to assume that you don't see anything. So the mistake I made by giving it my all, you have to know 1. A manager is judged. One of the elements of judgment that his N1 will make about his work is based on the team's performance and based on the team's collective performance. So if he has a team of 10 people and you, because he despises you, work like three. Well, what you're going to do is increase the work done by the team. You're going to increase the team's performance. In the graphs, you'll see someone who's pushing themselves to the point of burnout, someone who's working like crazy, who's sacrificing their weekends and evenings. You can see that on a graph, on an intimacy graph, not even an individual graph. So how are we going to see it? Well, we'll see that their management style is excellent. Maybe they'll even owe their next promotion to your work. You know what I mean? So if someone hates you, you're going to find yourself paving the way for them, preparing their future career path, you know, so today I've changed, you know, today, for example, in my life, there are some really enjoyable things that I do. For example, making these videos is something that comes from the heart and that I really enjoy. There's writing Writing. I really enjoy writing my latest book, I'll show you. I was holding this one in my hand to End Depression, which is available on Amazon. I spent sleepless nights writing it. I enjoyed writing it. I enjoyed writing each of these lines. There's another one that I'm currently writing. I really enjoy that now. There are things, for example, sometimes I do consulting or I'm involved in community work or whatever, and then I have to deal with other people. And the profound change that came over me. And it's not an artificial change, it's not a New Year's resolution, it's not something I just decided in my head, I discovered within myself. And it's super profound today. If someone doesn't value my work, I don't work with them. It's simple. I consider that if I work with someone I want, I demand a decent level. I don't want him to become my friend. I don't want him to kiss me in the morning or anything. That's not it. But a bare minimum of respect, that is non negotiable. I demand it. It's not that I'm asking for it, I'm demanding it. If the performance of the person in front of me falls below that, okay, I'll give you zero. Zero. Nothing at all. There you go. Now, in a job you can't always give zero. But if I'm in a company today, so someone treats me the way they treated me before, well, I'll give the bare minimum. I'm not going to let the guy or the person or the girl. I'm not going to give them the chance to get me fired. I'm not going to give them excuses. I'm not going to give them money so that this person attacks me, so that they can file cases on me. No, no. But they're going to get the bare minimum. I look for the minimum below which you can get fired, above which you can't get fired. And this person will have the minimum plus to go out on the cake. I will give them back. I will give them back all the prizes they have for me. It's very simple. You don't like me, I don't like you, we don't like each other. We're going to conjugate that in all tenses and then. And that's it. But when there are people like that, you have to protect yourself from them. You mustn't make mistakes. You mustn't let them. Because you know that they will analyze your work under a microscope, that they will analyze it with a magnifying glass that they will. That the slightest thing, the slightest thing, they will want to make a killing with it. So you have to be very careful about that. You have to watch them too. You have to take notes. Because there are cases where it can. The trend can simply reverse. That means if the person is looking for you too much and you are someone who documents and all that, you can one day go to human resources and then you are very well documented. But you have to be well documented in that case. You must never, never, never. I tell you again, you never go to human resources with a feeling, with a gut feeling. Yes, I think that. I think that the person doesn't like me. No, no, you can't do that. Even if you sincerely think it and it's true and everything. No, no, you don't do that. You start with specific events, facts, dates, times, people who were there. All that fully documented. As in any story, even in a court of law, even in a criminal court, A detailed testimony with precise dates, detailed will always be worth more, will always have more credibility than a testimony from someone who is just sharing their feelings. Do you see what I mean? There you go. So today I have become someone who gives zero. When I am faced with people who do not want to appreciate me, who treat me with contempt and all that, I don't need much, honestly. Okay, okay. And once again, I have a relatively low demand. You see, I really ask for the minimum, the minimum respect. That's for my contribution for what I do. And if, If I see that I cut my losses quite quickly. Never, never push yourself into this nasty situation where you find yourself fighting against people, against contempt, and absolutely wanting to demonstrate your value. It's useless. You won't be able to. They know that this nasty game is at play and they will push you more and more towards this game. And then they win. And then you end up sick. There you have it, my friends. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this video. So far the book To End Depression is available on Amazon and see you very soon.