6. What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder? How Did It Happen?

You're listening to the choose youe Podcast. Episode number six. Hi, I'm Carmen Sakurai, certified life strategist and advocate for victims of narcissistic abuse. In this episode, I want to delve deeper into what exactly narcissistic Personality disorder is, discuss the cause and how the narc's distorted logic shapes their behavior. Let's begin. Now that I've addressed a few of the most asked questions and concerns for survivors, I wanted to take a step back and focus on what exactly narcissistic Personality disorder is. Let me begin by saying a clinical diagnosis of a personality disorder can be made only by qualified professionals. But identifying potentially dangerous people is not only for the experts. We all can be negatively affected when we allow these people into our lives, making awareness and prevention the most effective form of self protection. That said, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a very real illness. In the DSM 5, which is the Diagnostic and Statistic Manual of Mental Disorders, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is categorized as a cluster B personality disorder. Other disorders in this cluster includes borderline personality, histrionic personality, and antisocial personality disorder, which includes psychopaths and sociopaths. Now, having Narcissistic personality disorder is not the same as having narcissistic traits. I know I covered this before, but here's a refresher. We'll start with narcissistic traits. People with narcissistic traits don't necessarily suffer from a mental illness or a personality disorder. They simply feel entitled to the best of everything and most interested in gaining power, money and prestige. But unlike those with npd, they have an overabundance of self esteem. Now, Narcissistic Personality disorder or NPD on the other hand, is a personality disorder in which a person has an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others feelings, the inability to handle any criticism, and a sense of entitlement. These narcissists suffer from serious childhood traumas due to neglect, shame or being placed high on a pedestal, resulting in a dimmed conscious and the inability to feel guilt or remorse. The emotional part of their brain is damaged. They have failed to develop the ability to see beyond their own needs, leaving them unable to emotionally empathize with others and totally dependent on external approval, adulation and affirmation for validation and regulation of self esteem and self definition. They're left without a solid identity and this is virtually impossible to recover from. And when trauma is beyond the brain's ability to process, it's buried deep down in the subconscious mind as a way to survive. This is why narcs create a false self which they defend with their life. They have a false sense of superiority and entitlement, believing they're better than everyone else. They fantasize power, success and being physically attractive. They exaggerate their achievements and expect acknowledgments and celebration in proportion to the exaggeration. Narcs believe they're special people who can only be understood by those who are above average social status. And from those internal beliefs come the charming, confident, intelligent and fun outward identity they've created for themselves. And it's the person they believe will draw the most positive reaction from others. However, they're unable to genuinely grow into this ideal person due to the lack of empathy. They're not only unable to emotionally bond with others, but also with themselves. And as such, narcissists lack a functioning personality. They absolutely depend on approval and admiration from others to gauge their self esteem and worth. This isn't something narcs simply appreciate receiving, like how the rest of us feel when we receive compliments and acknowledgement. Narcs need to receive adulation, admiration and approval to survive. Now, because narcissists aggressively defend their false self, when there's a real or even a perceived threat to their inflated ego or self esteem, they go into what's called a narcissistic injury. Narcs respond to narcissistic injury as if it's a threat to their very existence. The response is intense and very often out of proportion. We call this narcissistic rage and can be delivered to the victim as silent treatments to full blown verbal and physical violence. This is to put the victim back in his or her place and restore the narc's self esteem and worth. So while narcissists appear to have this humongous ego and confidence, the fact is there is a deep rooted sense of worthlessness. And although they've buried this horrible feeling into their subconscious, it's because they feel so worthless that they depend on extracting approval and admiration from others to survive. Now I'd like to close this up with this. Yes, narcissists have become this way due to unfortunate circumstances beyond their control. And as empaths, which most victims of narcissistic abuse are, we don't like to turn our back on anyone and we give the worst of them the benefit of a doubt. But look at it this if someone suffered from an incurable and contagious illness that spread just by sharing their air, I'd feel sorry for them, but I would do everything in my power to avoid contamination to save my own life. Same goes for narcissism. Narcissist. So please choose you. Thank you so much for joining me. If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe to this podcast on itunes, Spotify, or on your favorite podcasting app. And if you know someone who can benefit from the information covered, please feel free to share. Resources mentioned in this episode are listed in the Show Notes. I'm Carmen Sakurai, and until next time, choose you. Do it for yourself and for all of us, because our world is a better place for having you in it. Love and God bless.