The Conversations Married Couples Avoid | Truth, Resentment & Intimacy

Because I just was about ready to die. Dinner.

Because I had no idea. It was like, I was like, what the heck's going on? Like, what is this? Like, who is this girl?

All right, well, welcome to this week's Date Your Wife Experience. We are excited to announce a couple changes, and the biggest thing that has happened this week, which I am celebrating, What are you celebrating?

Okay, well, you know what, you guys? Here's the thing. I have good excuses, and today I had a very good excuse, but I'm not going to go into that.

There was shit coming up the toilet.

Literally. In the tub. I—

okay, there was shit coming up our tub.

There was literally like— he's like, are you going to be on time? And I was like, I really—

I'm really going to be on time, but I'm stressed right now because there's literally shit And I knew that was going to be a permission slip to be late, so I left the office and I drove over there and waited out in front of the office and texted her every 3 minutes saying, hey, are you coming down? Are you coming down? Let the shit go. Let it go.

Let it go.

We've got a show to do.

I just closed the bathroom door and I texted my nanny and I was like, don't be scared. I need you to go clean some shit up.

Literally.

So welcome to the Flints. Welcome to the West. Welcome to the world. Who other couples do we have? The Lambs couple. We have— we've got a whole bunch of representative single guys here. Not single, but dudes here without their wives. And we love that you guys are here too. We got— oh, we got Mike and crew who showed up. Love it. Okay, we got another couple. Listen, here's the deal. You're always welcome. One of the things we're going to introduce tonight before we get into a concept is this. I have been leading men for the last 15 years. Like, this is what I spend my— like, there's professional surfers, basketball players, there's LeBron James. There's what I do. Which is full-time in the paint for the last 15 years, guiding and creating frameworks for individuals having breakthroughs. Spent the afternoon with an amazing couple, spending time every single day with our teams constantly over the last 15 years trying to figure out what is the perfect model for allowing a couple of things to occur. Number one is for a container that is safe that people can have conversations. So that's one thing. The second thing is curriculum and conversation within that container. that people can follow that lead them to experiencing themselves and experiencing results in their life that maybe they didn't before. The third piece in this is creating a dynamic to where community and conversation can be part of the equation, right? So there's what you can figure out by yourself, there's what you and your spouse can figure out together with God, and there's what happens when you put you around other couples, okay, other individuals, so that you don't feel alone. And 99 out of 100% of the time, I have watched the following, which is we get to a place of thinking we must be different. We are alone and we're the only ones going through this. How many of you can understand what I'm talking about with this? Hands to the camera. So you think we're the only couple that has this conversation, we're the only couple that has this debate, we're the only couple— it must be my wife, she is a unicorn crazy woman and that's why we have this situation. Or vice versa, my wife would say this about me, you must be the only guy that's like this. And I said, I beg to differ, I have thousands of men that confirm that's not the case. So We are building the Date Your Wife community experience, which is allowing for day-to-day and week-to-week experiences so that when we put together challenges like we do every week, instead of just hoping it happens, that we can actually be part of the conversation as couples every single week.

Plus accountability.

And accountability. So we're gonna be rolling that out. That's gonna be starting. And what will happen is inside the community, when we have a call like this, that's where it'll be posted, and also details on the challenge for the week, Follow-up from our teams, as well as the ability to track things like date nights and pictures with each other, as well as specific activities we're going to be rolling out every week, every day with the group so that we can all move forward together. So as powerful as it's been, I think it's our 5th week doing this.

Yeah.

You know what's crazy? Like, when we kind of like— we've wanted to do something with couples forever. And it's funny because like our most popular posts are like with us together. We have over a million downloads on our podcast. We run into people at the airport. They're like, oh my God, you're from the Date Your Wife podcast. I'm like, do you know what we do? So it's kind of at this place where we're not even trying to be like marriage coaches or therapists. But what we realize is that we give people permission. Even today, we had a podcast today and I was like, I don't even— like, we got done and I was like, I'm like feeling like, what did we talk about? Did we give any value? And at the end of the day, what I realize what we do is we have real conversations as a couple and we've been through a lot of shit. So it's like we open up conversations for so many couples. But a lot of the conversations that we've had, we've kind of like brought them to a close. And so I think that that's what's so important is like you can go to marriage counseling and therapy, but we really want to create like a marriage community so that you don't just feel isolated and alone. And for me, it was like when Garrett was like, do you want to do therapy in the beginning? And I was like, it kind of makes you feel like you're a little bit broken.

Mm-hmm.

And you're like, okay, if I have to. And now I'm kind of like, no, you should do therapy like you go to the gym. But not only that, there's not a lot of like married couples communities. Like there's just not. And I think that there needs to be because you have your men's communities and you have your women's communities and, and, and men kind of like have their opinions and women have their, their opinions. But if we can bring it together, we can eliminate a lot of tough conversations between couples and just make it more of like an open conversation.

So we'll talk a little bit more about that today as we get going. So welcome. We're going to get ourselves grounded, get started. The way that we have every single week. I have found this to be not only a powerful way to start conversation and to start calls, but also a way to ground everyone so that the truths that are discovered and the conversations that are had can go forward with you beyond just the call, that they can become something practical for you day to day. So go ahead and close your eyes. We're going to say a prayer to get us started. And close your eyes. Close your eyes. If you're sitting with your spouse, go and reach over and hold their hand. If you're by yourself, then be with yourself. And we're going to go ahead and take a deep breath in and release. We're going to do this 2 more times. Again, deep breath in here just a moment with your nose, and then we'll release through our mouth. Deep breath in, number 2.

And release.

A lot go on today. You got kids, you got money, business, games, all of it that's occurred. And now here we are. So on this 3rd breath, we're going to take a deep breath in. We're going to hold it at the top. And as we hold the top, we'll hold it for about 10 seconds. And as we do, I want you to bring your attention, your awareness, just your heart. Just pay attention literally to your physical heart beating. But the place I want you to sit in as you were aware and witness your own heart is the fact that God is the power that continues to make this Heartbeat. So no matter how buried things can feel at times in marriage, and no matter how difficult, and no matter the process of revealing newness in you, you are here to unbury yourself just a bit more this week. And deep breath in.

And hold.

And release.

Father, as we get started tonight here in this Date Your Wife Experience call, there are individuals and couples that have both come to the conversation tonight. We ask that your Spirit would be here, that you would guide the conversations with ourselves with you, that you would guide our conversations with our spouse, and that you would guide the conversations as we as couples and individuals break up to discuss different ideas and topics tonight. That tonight we would leave renewed, that there would be an increased sense of hope and also possibility to be able to navigate the next step and the next move forward inside of our relationships. And Father, that we would sit with you at the core of each one of us and as our marriage, unifying us in a world that is currently doing everything it possibly can to tear us apart. From social media to the comparison game to the contrast of raising children, to the money stress that comes with it. Father, tonight we would remember one simple thing, that you are there with us the entire way.

Yes.

And that tonight you would show yourself in the words that are written down in journals and typed up on keyboards, and that in conversation, that as we listen to one another, we could hear your voice in our spouse, and we could hear it even in some of the truths that may be hard to speak and share tonight. That we would hear it from other couples and other individuals, and that we could leave tonight inspired, invigorated, and more aligned with you in our marriage and our relationship is our prayer as we enter a moment of silence for just 60 seconds. And Father, as we sit in this silence, we ask that you would meet each individual, meet them where they are, meet them with the feelings they need to be prepared for tonight, meet them with the words that possibly they need to feel and sense inside, Or the vision they need to see. And we close this prayer and open up this moment of silence for 60 seconds with our eyes closed. In the sacred and holy name of Jesus the Christ, amen. And deep breath in and release. And for the next 60 seconds, we're just gonna sit eyes closed and just be here. And we begin that time in 3, in 2, in 1, off we go. And deep breath in and release. Great job. Go ahead and open your eyes. Welcome to tonight's call and to tonight's experience. So we're going to introduce an idea. And then we're going to get into an individual experience with this and then a collective experience with your spouse. So this concept or principle was introduced by Dan Sullivan, who runs Strategic Coach. I was part of his programs for 10 years as an early entrepreneur. This was over a decade ago. But he wrote a book that you may be interested in called The Gap and the Gain. It's a great book, great audiobook to listen to, and deals with the contrast and comparison. I'm going to give you the Cliff Notes version of what the book is. There's a reality that you sit in right now in yourself and in your marriage that is true for you today. There is a part of our minds that is computed to progress and to expand and to desire for more. No matter where we are today, this part of our mind is constantly moving forward toward— he compares the idea of the horizon. We live right here in Miami. From our condo, you can see the horizon out. to the ocean that sits out in front of us. The horizon is an interesting place because no matter what, if we get on a yacht and we start going that direction, we will never actually get there. The horizon is always moving. It's an idea. It's an illusion. And there's an aspect of our marriages that no matter how good things get and no matter how much we progress, there is a version that we can see that is the next step. There is more to be had. Okay, emphasis on point with this. Back in 2023, Danielle and I had what I thought was it all. And we've talked about this before. But there was something else Danielle was seeing that was possible for our marriage. And she approached me in 2023, put her hand on my chest, and said, I can't feel you. This shook our marriage because this was a request she was having of our relationship that I thought was being delivered. There was a request from her, a horizon that she could see that was different than what we were experiencing. Now, I felt like I could feel her. At some level, and she could feel me, but there was something more that she was searching for. This desire for more pulled us forward. The challenge with the horizon, though, in pulling us forward is the fact that if we only focus on pulling ourselves forward constantly, it's very difficult to be present with what has happened. So the second part of this is the gain. The gap is the place between where you sit today in your marriage and the place that you desire to be or that keeps evolving for you. And the gain is looking back from where you are today to what's been. And the energy of this is gratitude and appreciation for what you have pulled off, which is looking back. But the game of looking forward pulls us forward. The game of looking back fills us with the fuel to be able to continue the journey, which is gratitude and appreciation for what we have accomplished as a couple. So we're going to enter an exercise, and for the next 3 minutes, we're going to be writing individually. And we're going to be looking at the past. We're going to look back from where we are today, and we're going to look back over the last month. And I'm going to have you look at one specific thing. What is one or 2 items that you are grateful for in your spouse for how they have showed up? Something they've done, a shift they've made, or a pivot they've made in how they've operated, something they accomplished with you as their— as your partner.

Hmm.

So we're gonna spend a minute and a half looking at one or two things you've noticed in your partner. As we look back over the past few months, what has your partner done to shift or change or add value to the relationship that you can be appreciative for? The flip side of this is gonna be looking at yourself. What can you see in yourself that you have done that you are proud of when it comes to your marriage and how you have shown up? This idea of being grateful for what you have done gives you the fuel to be able to continue to move to this perpetually ever-moving horizon. So we're going to spend 3 minutes on this to get us started for tonight. This is just an exercise by yourself of looking back over the last month, last 2 months, at very specific things you have done and very specific things your spouse has done or shown up in a certain way that you can be grateful And appreciative for how they've shown up. Now, there may be a laundry list of things that they have done that have been the opposite. We are not focused on that. We are focused on what they have done. If you're clear about what the exercise is, give me a thumbs up so I know you're clear. Beautiful. So this is an individual exercise. If you're here by yourself, great, that makes it simple. If you're sitting by your spouse, again, don't share your answers yet. This is just for you and what you're seeing. Okay, so we got 3 minutes left. We're gonna put some music on and we're going into the Gain of gratitude. Gain of gratitude looking over the last month to 2 months. We're off to the races in 3, in 2, in 1, off we go. Okay, welcome back. All right, so we're gonna start off, we'll give you an example. Do you wanna go first?

Of course I wanna go first.

Okay, you what? Take it away.

I feel like specifically with you in the last, like, month or two, I feel like you're more stable, which I feel like I've always been the one that's, like, played the role of, like, I got to be the stable one. I got to be the, like, not strong, but just stable, immovable one. And I feel like recently, like, I've been more of the crazy one, and I'll, like, throw shit at you just to see how you respond sometimes. And I'm like, okay, he's still like, you're still pretty stable. You've had a few moments, but like, we all do. So I feel like that's one thing that I've noticed with you the last, like, year or two. You've definitely worked on, like, reactivity, but just like recently it's like immovable, like just like stable. Whereas previously, like, it was very reactive. So I'm like, it makes me feel more safe.

Beautiful. What's one thing about you?

That I can appreciate in myself?

Mm-hmm. How about you, Shauna, the last month or two?

Um, I would just say patience for where I'm at in this season. I think that I, like, because I'm a producer and like I have kids, I think I can be very hard on myself to where I'm like always living in the, like, living in what's next. And so I think when seasons have been Tough. I expect more out of myself. So I've kind of been to this place where I can appreciate letting go and being patient.

Beautiful. Okay, my example for Danielle, uh, it actually happened today. It actually happened today and yesterday.

Oh.

Yesterday she offered to bring me a smoothie to work, unprovoked or unrequested.

But I didn't.

She didn't bring a smoothie to work, but nonetheless, the fact that she offered to bring me a smoothie was like, what? I was like, wow. Like, she doesn't do that very often. So like this in the morning, and out of unprovoked, she sent me a message, hey, would you like me to bring you something to work today? I said yes. She said, would you like a smoothie? I said yes.

I didn't know you got those delivered.

Well, no smoothie came, but nonetheless, it was the effort. I appreciated that. The second thing is, is, um, the— she responded to a share I did with her today. We had some conversations. We have date morning on Thursdays. We go to the gym together. And I shared a 5-minute audio with her, asked her to listen to it, me trying to express some of my feelings. of where I've come from and what I'm going through. And when I picked her up to come to the show tonight and be here with you guys, her words were used to verbally express her appreciation for sharing that with me— with her. So that was— again, these are new things for us in the last year as a couple where the exchange between us unprovoked, which was kind of a debate for us for a long time about words of appreciation. The second one for me is I radically reduced my alcohol intake The last 2 to 3 months and have been showing up more present with her. And the second one was I held space for our daughter Ruby, who was having an incredibly difficult time. And both of us were very concerned about her the last 6 months to a year. She's 15 and she was spiraling into just not a good place. And I was proud of how I showed up and held space for her over several days, over a week. That has caused a massive shift in her behavior, how she's showing up. Including me going to the gym with her on Saturdays, every Saturday, which she looks forward to, which is new for us.

Yeah.

So those are 2 things I saw. Those are 2 things she saw. Here's what we're gonna do. If you're here by yourself and you're not here with your spouse, you're gonna fire an audio note to your spouse about the things that you have seen in yourself and what you have seen in them. If you're here with your spouse, we're gonna take the next 3 minutes for you to share. So each one of you are gonna get a chance to share what you've seen in yourself, what you've seen in them. So again, if you're here with your spouse, you're gonna have that conversation. If you're here by yourself, you're firing an audio away or a video to your partner who's not here with you. If you're clear about what we're doing for the next 3 minutes, give me a thumbs up. Okay, let's go. It's time to talk it up. We're going in 3, we're going in 2, we're going in 1.

Off we go.

All right, so we had a chance to share. Let's come to Ben and Ingrid Warren. Let's bring you two into the mix.

Yes, sir.

All right, Ben, fire away. What have you— what have you seen in yourself, and what have you seen in this amazing woman next to you in the last month or two? Um, we've got a—

it's, it's been a stressful couple of months across several different aspects of our life with parenting and, uh, you know, business, other things. So we've been through these stressful moments several times throughout our marriage, countless times. crazy things happening. But over the last couple of months, I think she has really done this amazing job of realizing some of the pressure that I'm under from all these different areas and had grace and love and support for me, um, as opposed to judgment. And, um, she's really expressed that really well. And, um, you want me to go ahead and do self now as well?

How did that— how'd that feel to experience that from Ingrid?

To you, it's like I told her a minute ago. It's like it, it, it, it's so— it, it hits me in a spot that not only makes me withstand that pressure at a much higher level, but want to do the, the work to, to make myself better on, on the parts where I'm falling short or the parts where I do break down.

Wonderful. Wonderful. Ladies, I want you to understand your words come with fuel. Whether you want to accept it or not— this was hard for Danielle to get for a long time— whether you want to accept it or not, I am telling you right now, leading men, there is no fuel that comes with more fury than his wife's words of encouragement, appreciation, and gratitude. I'm not saying it doesn't go the other way, but what you just heard from Ben is exactly the truth I have found with 100% of the men I've led in the last 15 years. Some women get this, some women do not get this. But the ones that do get it recognize that your words come with prophetic power and God's voice into their life. They will fight, hunt, kill, protect at a level that you cannot understand with simple words of appreciation. It's not trying to take it away from the guys. It's just— that's why I can point to the 2 things Danielle did in the last 48 hours. They don't seem like big things, but to me they're massive. She offered me to get a smoothie. My wife cares about me. Now, she didn't show up with said smoothie, but that's okay. I, I was— I, I didn't need a smoothie. I already had a smoothie delivered to me, but I was like, said yes either way, even though I already had a smoothie that was delivered from the team. I love that she did it. So wonderful. All right, Ben, what did you see in yourself?

Working hard on my emotional stability. That part of it comes through the stacking that I've been doing and things like that, but I had a, you know, kind of a breakdown with some stuff happening with my 18-year-old and just hit hard and then led me down a path with her support of working to become more emotionally stable so that I could withstand some of that.

Beautiful. Ingrid, would you agree? Has there been a bit more containment the last month or two?

Absolutely. In fact, it was one of the things that I wrote down for the first question that I had noticed in him is that in specifically in parenting, I'm able to identify a lot more thoughtfulness and strategy in parenting as opposed to being reactive. And I really appreciate that he's making the effort.

And when he is less reactive, which, by the way, ladies, just so you know, most men are reactive. Like, this is a thing. That's a thing. Unfortunately, in the business world, our reactivity in many ways gets us paid. We react to situations all day long and our pressure is not. This was the biggest challenge Danielle and I had for a very long time. was the fact that I was not able to hear her truth without my reactivity. And as the pressure rose from business and kids and marriage, unfortunately, we spent many years with me in a place of perpetual reactivity to the point that she stopped sharing at all. So when he gets to a place of containment that you're feeling it, Ingrid, what does that do to you?

That provides— Emotional stability in the home, stability for me. Because like Danielle, I feel also like some sort of sense of responsibility to be the stable one, to be the grounding one, to be the calm one because of his nature and the way that I am in my nature. And sometimes I've been able to identify that I have some resentment Towards the fact that sometimes, I guess, I don't get the privilege to be unstable sometimes. So, to have him provide that for me so that I can feel human and that I can feel like I can share some of my weaker emotional moments and it not break us is comforting to me because it— to steal her word, it feels stable.

Yep. Danielle, speak to that, what it was like for you. What Ingrid's saying is exactly what you were—

Yeah, I think, like, when you're a mom, Or a wife or whatever it is, you always feel this, even if you work or you don't work, you always feel this sense of like, he's providing, whatever, I can't ruffle his feathers, I got to be the calm one, I got to be the strong one, I can't let my kids see this, or I can't let him see me this way. But what happens is if you do that for too long, eventually you're just going to blow up because you're human. So before you hit that twice a year blowup factor, And hit to this weird resentment and disconnection. It's important that we do not only feel safe to share, but feel safe to be human. Like, feel safe to be like— and now I kind of preface it. I'm like, I'm on my period, or I'm, I'm, I'm mad at you and I don't know why. Like, it's like you're having a human moment and it's just acknowledging these feelings and communicating it to your spouse.

Beautiful. So, Ingrid, what's one thing you saw in you?

Prayer. I've been very intentional about praying over my husband, whether he knows it or not. And having the power of God intercede for me, for us and our marriage, and protect our family has been the single most effective thing that I've seen work.

Beautiful. Ben, what does it feel like as a man to know that your wife has been praying over you and for you, even when you don't know it?

It's, uh, it's powerful.

Yeah.

Uh, allergies.

Yeah.

Um, I can't tell you what, what it's meant. And when I have— and I, I feel, I do feel it. Like, we're— our marriage was on— we were on the edge of divorce a year ago. So it's been a journey to get to, and we have a long way to go. But it's powerful.

Yeah, I want you to receive it. Yeah, waterfalls, step through it. I get it. Like, as a man, you've been trained to be a certain way. Me too, which is to do it alone. Unfortunately, in that aloneness, that rugged individuality— that's why Warrior was built— but also it's a place where we isolate from the one who actually cares the most. And so we feel alone. And then the reactivity comes out from the pressure inside of it. But I want you just to sit here and receive this. You have a beautiful woman who is interceding with God and praying for you. Like, this is massive.

Amen.

And at the same time, your reactivity is going down by containment through stacking and finding your truth. And now look what's happening to both of you. And there's a give and take that starts to rise in you two that allows you to ultimately create together something beautiful. Well done, both of you. You're beautiful. Now I feel like you two should kiss. Oh, the kiss cam.

That's like, we now pronounce you— Exactly.

Well done, you two. Beautiful share. Okay, we're gonna go into a second activity exercise with this. Truth is hard. Guys, I sat this afternoon for several hours with a couple here in our office that I love both of them deeply, and they're in a very challenging season. Pressure from kids, pressure from business, pressure in marriage, pressure everywhere. Very large company, both in the company, a lot of pressure. The conversation we had this afternoon as we sat for almost 3 hours was this idea of truth. So Danielle and I could sit in truth. The problem we had for years was the fact that Danielle would share her truth and I would share my truth, and our truths did not line up. By default, we assumed that the truth that she was sharing— I did— was inaccurate, and she assumed my truth was inaccurate. It wasn't a spoken assumption, but it was something we both experienced. So we would attempt to share our truth, but when sharing my truth It would cause triggering reactivity in her. When she shared her truth, it required— caused triggering reactivity for me. And so there ultimately was not a real safe place for us ever to speak our full truth, either one of us, for fear that speaking the full truth that was true for us would cause a response of collision, conflict, reactivity from the other. So we isolated. And we would poke back out, and then we'd isolate, and we'd poke back out, and it just wasn't safe. So, Danielle, speak to what my reactivity was for a very long time to you attempting to share your truth with me.

Well, first, I want to talk about, like, when you go to share your truth, a lot of times you might be mad at your significant other. Like, you're like, I want to tell them that I'm pissed off at them. But the reality is you're hurting for other reasons. But it comes across like, I'm going to share— like, you know, like, you know, 5, 10 years ago, it would be like, I want to share my truth. But it was really like, I'm pissed and I want to tell you why I'm pissed at you. And now, as we've matured and have lots of conversations, it's like, okay, before you have this conversation of like, why am I mad at you? It's like, okay, well, what role did I play in this truth? So if I can deliver this a little bit better, then I can— because you'll do it with me and I'll do it with you. We can share our truth where it's not like, I'm mad and here's why. And it doesn't turn into a fight. Whereas like, you know, younger version of us, when we wanted to share our truth, it just became— it came across like, I'm pissed, and then reactiveness and all this stuff. And years of me being the one that was, you know, trying to be the strong one or the stable one, the reality was I just didn't want to fight. It's just like, I don't want to irritate you. I don't want to fight. And so Even though you were very reactive, I also was in a space where I didn't want to fight. And I had to go to this place where you were less reactive so sure that I could share. But people always say, you're spicy. I'm like, I'm really not spicy, you guys. People have listened to our podcast for years and they say I'm spicy. I had to become spicy to get a word in with you. Otherwise, I was just kind of like a doormat because you were so much more of like a stronger reactive personality, and I was just like keep the peace personality. So I had to kind of kick back a little bit. And then over the years, it was to this point where I was like, I don't want to like have to feel like I have to kick back. I want to have a conversation where I'm not scared to communicate my feelings, but I also want you to be able to deliver like your feelings or whatever it is. But it, it took me kind of being spicy to be like, hey, like There were some moments where I delivered it very soft where I'm like, I can't do this anymore. And there were some moments where I'm like, I can't fucking do this anymore. And the reactivity, I think you finally got to the place between the spiciness and the soft delivery that you were like, wow, my wife's hurting. I should probably work on this. And it's one of those things. It's like same with my patterns. It takes constant reps before you notice an improvement. And no matter what, like, when your spouse decides to change, the other person always is asking, how long is this going to last? So there's this kind of like building up of trust of like, how long are these patterns going to last to where I feel safe to share? Clear.

So here is the exercise.

I don't know if I answered your question.

You did great.

Okay.

That was fantastic. So here's the exercise. We're going to look into you. And we're going to look at a current situation, okay? Either a repeating narrative of a, of a collision or a conversation or an irritation that continues in your marriage, whether you've come to resolution with it or not, or something that you haven't spoken about yet that you are currently still harboring, something that you feel. The challenge with this is the fact that we know and we have built unspoken agreements with everyone around us. Unspoken social agreements of how we're gonna operate. And that takes a minute to get over it. But part of getting to the bottom— this was what I was doing today sitting with this couple— was creating a container for the full truth to get out. And it took us 2 hours because the truth kept coming out and causing the other one to respond a certain way until we got to a place where the truth could be seen on the table as viable from both perspectives. Neither one was right. Neither one was wrong. So the challenge comes in sharing truth is the fact that we share truth, and typically the way we share it makes the other person wrong to justify our truth. How many understand what I'm talking about? Give me hands to the camera. So to make this shift, then we're going to start with you with a simple statement: I feel. Okay, I feel this singular statement starting allows you to take ownership of it. I feel this. it doesn't mean it's true for you, but this is what I feel. So when Danielle came to me in 2023 and she was sharing how she felt, it was a reason why it rocked me so hard, was because there was no anger, there was no yelling, there was no threatening. There was her speaking about her soul dying and not feeling me, and that the pain that she was in. Now, I received that at the time from a place Of attack. It wasn't how she approached it, but I was so hurt in what I was hearing that I didn't know how to react. So I spent weeks in stacking trying to unpack what was going on and what she meant and what it was. Over the last 3 years, 3 and a half years, we've been able to communicate in a totally different way. But it starts with a place of saying, this is what I feel. I don't need you to accept what I'm saying is true for you, but what I'm feeling is this, because it is possible. for you both to be experiencing the same children, the same financial stress, the same opportunity, but you're seeing it through 2 different views. Same movie, 2 different perspectives.

Mm-hmm.

This is our therapist in 2022, who we sat with for 2 hours every single week for almost 2 years. And we got done our very first one, we came to each other sitting there in therapy and we said, we don't know if we're gonna make it. Like, we don't know if we're gonna make it. And he listened to us for about 45 minutes and got done and said, good, you're both seeing the same movie. You're both looking at it from totally different vantage points. You're literally saying the same thing. But we couldn't see it. So we're going to start with an exercise of just what is the thing? There is a thing. Now, it's easy to be like, everything's great. But this is now where it comes to horizon, because oftentimes it becomes difficult to speak about what is, but it also becomes difficult to speak about what you want. This has been a more recent thing for Danielle and I, which is our marriage is better than it's ever been. Yet there are things that both of us want to experience in marriage that when we express them in the beginning, a year and a half ago, they were hard to hear because the interpretation becomes, well, I guess right now isn't working. So it's both a game of not working, which we can speak about, but there's also just the desire to experience more, which can also cause conflict because the narrative becomes, well, I guess where we are sucks and we're no good and this marriage isn't what it needs to be.

No, no, no.

I just want to experience more. I want to experience something different or deeper with you. So whether it's a desire for something more beyond what you're currently experiencing, or it's the elimination of something that's going on right now and the shift in something more, we're going to spend 2 minutes, and I just want you to write from a situation. If maybe you've had this conversation with your spouse already and it's a repeating conversation, or maybe you've not had the courage to have it yet, At all. But for the next 2 minutes, we're gonna put some music on. I want you just to write, I feel, and then we're gonna fill in the blank, about, fill in the blank. I feel this about this, and then your thoughts and feelings around that thing. Okay, we're gonna get a chance to share this in a specific way here in just a minute, but for right now, we're going to just spend 2 minutes by ourselves. If you're clear about what we're doing for the next 2 minutes, give me a thumbs up. Beautiful. Here we go. We got two minutes on the clock. We're going in three. We're going in two. We're going in one. Off we go. Okay. So I'm gonna give you one more minute, and I want you to add to it. Okay. When you look at the situation, I'm going to share mine here in a second with Danielle live. She doesn't know what's coming. And as you think about the situation, what place does it put you? Like when you look at this topic or you look at this conversation that you've either not had. Or the thing you've not shared about what you're feeling, or possibly you have felt it, not being able to get this across or having it received or feeling like you're seen or heard in it, where does this leave you? Again, we have tons of strategies as human beings, one of which is we will stonewall. We just put up a stonewall and we hide behind the wall. This is one of the individuals in the couples that I was working with today.

Just stonewalls.

And then hides behind the wall. Okay, the other one is attack, which is we, we will attack and aggressively push things forward. And the third one is we'll deflect, which is we're constantly distorting things. So regardless of what the mechanism has been to keep you safe, where does it put you when you either don't feel seen, you don't feel heard, or this has not been expressed? Where does it ultimately leave you? If you're clear about the question, give me a thumbs up. Okay, what is the place that it puts you? So I want you just to think about this for a second and type a few thoughts down on it. And let's give us 90 seconds to continue on this question. We're going in 3, we're going in 2, we're going in 1, off we go. Okay, so I'm gonna give you an example because we're gonna get a chance to share here in just a second. So I'm gonna read mine to Danielle. Are you ready? Real time, it's coming at you.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

I feel that I'm responsible for all our financial losses, but rarely acknowledged for our financial gains. Meaning, if I win, there's little celebration. It's just expected. If I lose, there's an abundance— abundant amount of opinion about how I could have and should have done differently.

I—

There's an— I don't even need a response.

Oh, no. I've known that.

Got it. So like, this example of something like right now is like a piece that I feel in me, right, about it, which is like, no matter if I win and I keep winning, there's, there's very little acknowledgment of the wins. But if I lose or I make a bad decision or something doesn't turn out, there's always an abundant amount of opinions about how I could have, should have done it differently, or how you would have done it differently. Which leaves me in a place of feeling like, okay, I can't ever win. I never get celebrated for what I do right. I just get feedback and coaching on what I did wrong.

Do you want—

Here comes—

I was like, go on, you're fine.

Here comes the practice. Okay, here comes the practice. There's no defense. There's no defending her position. That's not the— that's not the role of the exercise. It's just for her to feedback to me what she's hearing me say. I'm doing this real time with her because you guys are gonna be doing it real time too. Okay, so the game here is very simple. The goal is to get to a place where people feel safe to express what is, and for the partner to simply be in a place of acknowledgement in what they're hearing. You don't have to agree, you don't have to disagree, you don't have to coach, you don't have to fight. You don't have to just— hey, here's where I'm at, this is what I'm feeling, this is my truth. And then the reciprocal, which is assuring that your partner feels heard by sharing back with them what you're hearing. Okay, so what I'm hearing you say is— and that's a statement— what I'm hearing you say is— and then we're sharing back. Okay, I'm mirroring back to you what I just heard you say to make sure that I'm hearing it correctly. Okay, Danielle, you ready?

Mm-hmm.

All right, so I'm gonna give it to you again, and then you're gonna drill from your side. What I'm hearing you say is— So that I feel that you understand what I'm trying—

You don't have to repeat it. I can go.

Okay. Well, off you go.

What I'm hearing you say then is you don't feel validated and appreciated for the wins and often believe there's more focus on the losses.

Yes.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

Don't be sorry I feel that way. It's just the way I feel. It's good.

Well, I can feel I have empathy.

You can feel empathy.

Okay.

So this, this is the exchange we're looking for. It took 2 hours to get to a place where we could have it. And then these were on very spicy conversations across the board. And a marriage is shaking intensely. Like, if things don't get regulated, this is a closure conversation, like over. And I've watched this happen with our guys and their spouses in many topics around sex, around kids, around money. And the inability— and most of it comes down to one simple thing, which is people don't feel heard in what they're sharing because it's not safe to share. So we're going to put 3 minutes on the clock, and you're going to have a chance to share with your spouse. Now, if you are here by yourself, I am not suggesting that you fire an audio to your spouse right now. So you just get to hang out for a minute and kind of think about your thoughts, because firing an audio at your spouse without being in the context of this conversation will not turn out well. For you, likely, and we're not going to take that risk. So for now, you just kind of hang out for a few minutes with us. But if you're here with your spouse, you're just going to take a minute to share. The response is, I feel, and then we're going to share, and then the response is going to be, what I'm hearing you say. Again, we're working on the exercise here of just being seen and heard in an environment where sharing is occurring. Okay, if you're clear about what we're doing for the next 3 minutes, give me a thumbs up. Okay, perfect. Here we go. We are into share time with your spouse. We're going in 3, we're going in 2, we're going in 1. Off you go. Okay, so we just had a share, and, uh, we're gonna demo again for you. One of the things you'll find here is we're just gonna model out in front of you what we're asking you to do. I don't lead from what I don't live, so if we're not living it, we're not gonna talk about it here at Warrior at any level, regardless what the experience is. So I gave Danielle a chance during our share to share. I'm gonna have her share again. So we can demo it back, and then we're going to go into a 3rd exercise.

So go ahead.

I can't remember exactly what I said, but I feel that you are never content and there's like an unworthiness in yourself. And that's why you go out and try to prove yourself to the world, to me, to everything else. And I think I used to feel responsible for that unworthiness, like maybe I wasn't doing enough or showing up enough for you. And I got to this place where, like, I cannot— I can do my part. I can do my part, but I can't do the inner work for you. And I can't— I can't remember what else I said, but I can't, like, I'm not— I can't help myself. I can't hold myself responsible for your happiness because then I'm unhappy. So I just kind of have to be in a space of, like, supporting you, but also— I don't know. I don't remember exactly what I said.

Okay, well, what I'm hearing you say is that you're aware of a pattern that runs at the core with me that could spark from sexual abuse as a kid, could spark from a lot of things from my childhood, which we've talked about a lot in the past, of an inherent unworthiness that sits, which has me very discontented with no matter what I create, no matter how big it gets. And that for a while you tried to carry that and be the stabilizer that helped try to fulfill in that contentment, but have recognized that that's impossible for you to do. And so you've gotten to a place of recognizing that that's on me to work on.

There you go. I think he said it better than I did.

I receive it. Okay, so this This type of dialogue, what do you think happens if this becomes like the norm? Like the ability to talk like this. Let's bring up the flints. You ready, Kevin?

Always.

All right, Kevin, what do you experience from just this share with your wife?

Um, the ability to be vulnerable. I think with where I've come, what I've had to work through, oftentimes I felt like I had to keep it in a shell. I can't express my feelings because I don't want to put that weight on her. Um, and because that, I have just built oftentimes a wall around me. And at some point it just feels like I can't even see out. And so then I start taking actions or not taking actions just to survive. But just being able to express my feelings lifted a weight because I was like, man, that wasn't even that big of a thing. It would mean in my heart it was, but seeing her listen and not judge or hate me. For just expressing that actually made me think, man, there's so much more I could create because I know that she'll have that belief in me.

Beautiful.

Okay, let's come to that amazing woman with you two. What did you experience from this? You guys did great last week.

Well, um, I think like the whole you share but Also, the other person not trying to justify too. Um, that helps too, because I think a lot of times when I go to get into sharing something, I'm always ready and waiting for like the justification of feelings. And so sometimes I don't share the full truth because I don't want to hear the justifications or the reasoning behind it. Just want to share like what it is. I'm feeling. And so like having this dialogue in this way, it helps to be able to be vulnerable and share without like waiting for the lashback, or, you know, it's more of a safe situation. And I do feel like it, it was uncomfortable, but it is helpful.

Yep.

So I also thought too, Kevin, I also thought too really quick that the thing that she brought up Oftentimes in my mind, I perceived it completely different, and I didn't know it was affecting her. And so it cut deep, not because of her telling me, but more because it was like, shoot, I thought I was just being silly, and I didn't know I was damaging her. And that, that hurts, which makes me want to then be better.

Yep.

So notice the bucket it creates. There's a space in between truth. Oftentimes when we're speaking this truth, and again, on one side, when we're doing a stack, we're just free-flowing, we're just letting it all out, and we've got this safe environment, which is why stacking has become such a powerful tool for thousands of people every day, is an opportunity to just speak the full truth without any filter because there's no sense of worry of it coming back. Now, Warrior AI is doing a great job of course-correcting and slapping you in the face a bit and how it operates, but in marriage, this wasn't possible for Danielle and I. We've been together for 25 years. We could not have a conversation and share what we did. The 2 things we just shared would've led to complete defensive shutdown on both of our parts, which in my mind led to no sex, which I was like, okay, then we're not, we're not touching that because that's gonna shut sex down for sure. I am saying nothing.

Hmm.

Which I'm not saying is the greatest motivator either, but we didn't know how to communicate it. And she was not any better at hearing my truth than I was at hearing hers, because it immediately put us into a sense of like, you feel this, then I must be something. You're feeling this as my partner. That's why, like, what I shared with her tonight, this is stuff that, like, we've been talking through this. And what she just shared with me, we've been talking through this for the last year in a really deep way. Like, and it's a very painful place for me to get to, to realize I use sex as a soother. I hate it. I don't even know what to do with it, truthfully. But I look to her to soothe my discomfort with sex. Like it was a soother for me, a pacifier. Like I could have never seen it that way until last year. And that was a really tough truth for me to get to. Because what I found is that no matter how much sex we were having, it was never enough. And we've had seasons where she went ballistic with me, and I would still have these moments waking up in the morning going, how can I still feel this thing in me? Like, what is fucking wrong with me? Like, we just had sex 4 days in a row. I'm— what is broken in me that has me keep feeling this? And so as I went into it deeper, but again, it was hard. I didn't know how to share that with her. So I pour into the stacks and pour into 5,000 stacks I've spent trying to figure this out. But our goal inside of H5 Experience is for you to be able to have these conversations real time. And not spend years keeping the truth from each other. Because often an inability to speak the truth is what kills connection. It kills the intimacy, and it puts us both into silos in which no communication is had except for surface-level things that don't matter. Great job, both of you. Look at you guys just crushing it. Your hair looks amazing.

I think I think, uh, one of the cool things too is she, she has expressed to me even today that there have not been— like last week when you, when you spotlighted us last week, um, she, she told me, she's like, I'm ready to run. Like she was ready to run. And, um, always. Whenever there's emotions, I think she kind of shuts down. And correct me if I'm wrong.

No, it's true.

But this has been, this has been powerful just because, because it's given us the ability to have this communication because otherwise it just doesn't happen. And, um, and the results are great.

Yeah.

So.

It's nice because then there's not resentment too, because you bottle it up like what you said, and then there's resentment towards the person and then you don't want to have sex or hang out with them.

So, yeah, I came to Danielle about a year and a half ago and I said, I have 2 experiences with you, which— and tell me if they're accurate or they're not. I said, I feel like on one level you love me, long for me, desire me, want me. And there's another part of you that is disgusted and angry, resentful. It's like I'm getting this cocktail of energy from you even on vacation. Like, I don't know what to do with it. Is this true? Speak your truth. Am I off?

No, I feel like we still experience that at some level even now. So I don't know if that goes away. Maybe if it goes away, it's not healthy. I don't know. There's just, there's just like, it's like living in the gap in the game.

So as we've gotten more honest with it though, there's a willingness and ability for us both to be able to talk and just hold space and be like, okay, like this morning she woke up this morning. And I gave her a hug and she asked me if I was angry.

No, I just— some mornings, like, he— for me, like, I carry my energy very, like, internal. Like, I'm kind of like a great poker face. He is not that way. Like, if he is at all irritated, I'm like, it must be me. I did something. I don't think that anymore. So now when I feel his emotions, like, he doesn't have to say anything. He can lift— he's such He has such a strong aura. He can just walk into a room. So now I'm like, instead of being offended, I'm like, how are you doing? Are you good? And for me, that helps me and it helps you. But I don't know, remember why I was sharing that?

Well, then the conversation continued and you said, just so you know, my period has started today. I didn't feel like I responded some kind of way, but you feel like I responded some kind of way.

Well, you did a little bit. He did. I just have to tell him because otherwise I'm like, hey, if I cry for no reason or I'm grumpy for no reason, like, you got to tell your guy, like, when it's that time of the month so they have a little bit of grace. But he— what did you say? I don't remember.

I know. I said, oh, I said, oh, it's that time of year.

Oh yeah. He goes, oh, it's that time of the year. And I was like, no. Oh yeah. He goes, it's my favorite time of the year. Instead of just being like, oh, I'm sorry, how are you feeling? Are you cramping? Do you have a headache or anything I can get you? He's like, It's that time of the year. And I'm like, sorry to put you out, sir. It's that time of the month, asshole. I'm just kidding.

So we have— I've shared like that. We, we are, we are navigating this conversation in a fast way. So rapid fire every single day. We're just getting better and better at it. Like even in this morning, like I didn't feel like I said anything or did anything. I wasn't really— I wasn't irritated by it at all. I used to be worried about the period. Not anymore. I don't care.

Well, no, I would— what I would do is I'd be like mad for like days. because of like he didn't respond the way I wanted him to. So now I just like brought it up. I was like, hey, you know what? Like, I know you're trying to be funny and thought nothing of it. Just so you know, us women, we don't wanna do this every single month. We have no choice. So if you could be a little more empathetic and just be like, hey babe, is there anything I could do for you? So for me being irritated, I wouldn't speak my truth. And I was like, I don't wanna harbor this resentment over some stupid comment that he's like, oh, once a year. He thought nothing of it. And I'm like, A month later, I'm like, remember that one time in the kitchen in the morning and you said this? I'm like—

And of course I don't remember.

And he's like, no. And I'm like, well, that's why I hate you right now.

I will say this, like, the cool thing that I experienced after last week is I didn't realize how much her emotions affected our sex life. Um, so even just after last week when we were more vulnerable, like, we finished the call and we were getting ready for bed and she was like all on me and stuff. And it, you know, it resulted in sex. And I just want to say, like, thank you for this container because I had no idea. It was like, I was like, what the heck's going on? Like, what is this? Like, who is this girl?

Like, she's all turned on. So thank you.

So hopefully, hopefully tonight's another one.

So, well, you might have killed it this time, but we'll see if we can repeat it here in a second.

Here's what I'll tell you with women. We're like, that's so sexy. You were so— you were in such a controlled environment where you shared your feelings. Why do I like this?

So this same container, and I love that you're both being open to this, what you're going to find, at least Danielle and I have found, when we stop trying to keep our world private— and what I mean by that is we stop pretending like somehow we have it figured out— there's a freedom in walking around as a couple that I find and she finds individually walking around as humans, because you're not walking around with some pretend facade on Instagram that everything's just Always awesome. Now it's like, hey, we're living and guess what? We're still moving. And guess what? We face all the what you face and we face all the stress. And guess what? We're still going. Yeah, we face these things and we're adjusting, course correcting, and we're moving, right? So much of what has been given— this is why Danielle and I kind of puke on ourselves over most of the couple stuff that's done on podcasts and books and checklists on Instagram. Here are the 4 simple secrets, and I'm like, uh, yeah. What's the truth behind the scenes? Like, we've had powerful couples coaches and therapists on our podcast over the years. And the interesting part is us having conversations off camera and me watching the dynamic of a super powerful controlling woman with a very neutered sedated dude as her wingman in the couple's conversation. And I watch the other side, which is dudes by themselves trying to talk into the marriage conversation or dominating the other direction. So we wanna create an environment here with Date Your Wife where you guys have the opportunity every week to be able to explore and express and Together with stacking and God at the core, which we have God at the core to be able to ultimately be the transformation and the tools of stacking to be able to help you work through the conversation with yourself as you're working through the conversation with each other. So beautiful share, both of you two. Okay, we're gonna go to one quick little exercise and then we're gonna go to a breakout so everybody can get a chance to talk tonight. I want you to step back from just what we've looked at as a conversation tonight, just as a container. And ask yourself a question, which is: What am I seeing from this? Because although we're having a conversation tonight, there are vastly different insights that are coming from what's being discussed. There's no assumption on my side that you're getting anything. Like I can set up a room of 100 men. I can share the same thing from a vibe board and teach a concept or a. Framework, then sit with every single one of these men and ask them what they heard. And every single one of them heard something different. This is the power of the word of God and why the Bible is so amazing, because I can sit in the word, and based on who you are and where you're at in your marriage, God will speak to you through the word in new ways based upon how you are now, what you need to see now. So what are you seeing for you? I'm going to take 90 seconds on this. I just want you to write it up for yourself. Now we're going to share this as a group in breakouts about what's the most— what's the biggest thing you're seeing tonight from the 2 experiences we had, the 2 shares, the 2 writing exercises? What's sticking for you? If you're clear about what we're doing for the next 90 seconds, give me a thumbs up. Beautiful. Let's roll with it. We're going in 3, we're going in 2, we're going in 1. Off we go. Okay, so we're gonna go into a breakout, but before we do, we're going to have the lovely and talented Stephen M. West and his Eden sex queen share with us what they're seeing from tonight. I only use lovely and talented because that's how Stephen likes to introduce me at Warriors for Christ every week. And the lovely, lovely, talented— he's reclaimed that crown himself, so I'm just giving it back to him. Stephen, Lori, what are you guys seeing tonight just in the conversation, just as an example to everyone? And then we're going to go to breakouts with everyone. Okay, we're turning it over.

Let's go, girl.

What do you got?

He's so mean. I told him to go first. Look, I remember about 3 or 4 years ago when I was trying to get away from him, looking in pockets for money, scrounging all the money I can find, trying to cash in gift cards just so that I could move away from him. And while I was doing that, I had my girlfriends would, you know, we would talk and they'd listen to me. And I'm like, well, what are you doing? And they're like, well, we're going to Hawaii next week and we're going here. And, and their lives are flourishing when I'm just in this total misery trying to get away from this because I just was about ready to die. So I'm telling you this because when my friends told me that I felt jealous, but yet happy for him. But I didn't want to hear it really because I was in such pain. So when I tell you this right now, I hope that you see it as hope of a place to to where your marriage can get, and not that I'm just bragging. But for three three years, we have been doing all of the work Garrett has taught us how to do everything that he has created every single day without missing a day. We work our tails off. I happen to be married to a brilliant man who loves me very much and never gave up and is so kind to me and listens to me and has given me freedom to speak and just be me that he never has before. So all of these conversations that— these lessons that you're teaching tonight, Garrett, and having us practice, we have, we have done that. So I'm telling all of you out there, it works if you do the work. Just, just yesterday, where he gets home from work, 8:30 or something like that last night, and he's in the middle of telling me about his day and he goes, you got more new baskets?

Mm-hmm.

And I was like, I looked at him like, And where before I would have shrunk away because I used to get hammered by my first husband on spending $5. And he— I watched the reaction go through. I watched him go because he said that, and you got more new baskets? I mean, because there's like 8 of them all lined up. It's like it was obvious. And he's like— and I watched this look go over his face, and he goes, okay. And what he did was a stack in his head. He went through everything. And later he told me, did you notice what I did? And I said, yeah. And he said, why shouldn't you have that? You're, you're an amazing woman who dotes on me, and we get along, and you You know, you should have those if that's what you want. I think, would I buy those? No, but yay for you. And he just was so sweet about it. But then, even when he was going through all that, as soon as he made that first statement, I was like, um, not— I didn't feel in my heart I had to justify it. I was ready for him to let him have his moment if he was going to have a little baby 2-year-old moment. Whether he did or didn't, I was going to be okay. And it took all the work, all these years, every day, both of us to get there. So, um, so we're good.

Get those baskets.

I got 8 baskets. I've been looking for years for the exact right size and I found them. Yay, Container Store. I love it.

Beautiful. And Steven, lovely and talented. She has taken all your time and she killed it.

She—

that's it, just smile and thumbs up. She did great. Now, all right, Giselle's running to buy baskets right now. Yes, this is a basket permission call that has happened. If you have desired of the baskets from The Container Store, this is your time to go. All right, so let's go into breakout and give everybody a chance to share just what are you seeing from tonight's conversation. And I bring up again Lauren Steven because again, I— and I'll, I'll keep bringing them up because of just the work that I've watched them do. And you're watching this happen in couples. We've watched this happen in Kevin over the past year. We watched the changes and we, we see the shifts happening. So the container we're creating here that you're experiencing is a conversation we want to continue every day. Like, we want this to be something that anchors down weekly where we have a specific experience, and then that experience itself leads us into a series of experiences every day for 7 days until we meet again. And then from that place, we recalibrate. And there's a map that we're gonna follow around the game of communication On specifically the topics of God, of sex, of intimacy, of kids, of money, so that we as a group can just continue to level up in who we are as couples. Like, the foundation of our future here in this country is going to come down to the stability of marriage. As we watch marriages falling apart everywhere, and I get to see this with the active divorces occurring right now inside of Warrior with men who have fought and women who have fought, and they're tapping. And a lot of this tapping is occurring because of an inability to share truth. And this has become a societal problem that has cascaded itself down into marriage. So if we can address this and serve this, it is our desire. So let's go into a share, kind of wrap up for tonight, just what you're seeing, so everybody gets a chance to talk and communicate, each individual. No one has to represent, though we had Lori represent Stephen and Lori. This is going to be all of you a chance to share.

Okay?

If you're clear about what we're doing here in our final breakout for tonight, give me a thumbs up. Okay, let's talk about it. Here we go. And if you're here by yourself, don't feel weird. And if you and your spouse are on 2 different cameras, Donna and Vaughn, that's fantastic. If you guys want to go sit together, you can side by side, or you can be separate. We're going to breakouts in 3, in 2, in 1. Off we go. Okay, so we had great conversations tonight. I'm happy about how tonight went. Feel good about tonight? Give me a thumbs up.

We're live.

Okay, perfect. So here's the deal. We are— we're making a shift, um, in timing and the process of this. So we have a community we've built, um, inside a school called Date Your Wife Experience. We're going to drop a link in chat. You can check it out. Um, it's not free. We want to create a container where individuals are vested to be part of this with us, um, because the time and energy we're going to put into it and the results that I expect out of it, and we expect as a couple for other couples in it, is serious. And I told you today, I've sat in the last 48 hours, I've sat in 3 conversations with 3 couples that are sitting on divorce's door. And at the foundation of every single one of these conversations have been the same thing, which is an inability for couples to speak truth and to be heard. People don't leave situations because of love. They leave because they don't feel seen and they're dying. So whether we're in a painful place or we're just progressing to a new place, we want to create an environment where this is a conversation that's not just had once a week for 90 minutes, but it's something that we can actively work through with the word of God, Bible. We can work through this with tools and systems and process and experiences that allow us to progress. And I've seen the progression happen inside of the environments I've created in many other ways, but this will be the first environment we create with couples. So check it out, watch the video on the page, look at what the process is about. We'd love to have you. Um, that'll change a bit of the timing of this call every week. Uh, and then involvement is just being part of the community, and then we'll be dropping details in there for when the calls are happening. The details of the challenges and experiences are coming, and we would love to have you part of it. So for tonight, we're going to wrap up. You have any final thoughts?

Yeah. I mean, I always have a final thought, but I feel like this is like one of those things where Garrett and I have been wanting to launch something for couples for a while, and I finally was like, we're ready enough. Like we're ready enough. And I know that sounds crazy. We had to work through a lot of shit even though we've been together for a long time. I think when you're ready enough is when you're perfectly called. And I think this is something that is needed in the world, within couples, within communities. And I think that not only can we be leaders and guide couples, that other couples can guide each other. And it's not just It's not just us leading and guiding. I think this will be a very powerful group that we can all kind of lean on each other. It's even in your coaching world and in my coaching world, like, I learn from my students. So we don't— like, we know where this is going to go, but we don't know where this is going to go. And I think that that's the biggest thing is like when you feel called to move forward, you have an opportunity and a stewardship to Take action to do so, even if you don't know the direction it's going to go. So we're excited about this, and we would invite all of you guys to be a part of this, not just to hear from us, but the person that you're going to become in this experience. Are you called to lead inside of this experience? And I know that to be true because in, in my company and in Garrett's company, it's not always about Garrett. It's not always about me. It's about Others leading, because everybody has such a unique voice that other people will hear me and Garrett's message differently than they might hear your message. And maybe you're called to lead and guide in your own way inside of being in a relationship and being in a couple, no matter your age, no matter your race, no matter what it is. So I would invite you to sit on this tonight, that are you being called to be a part of this group, More than just being a part of a community, but perhaps you're supposed to lead as well.

Beautifully spoken. Let's wrap it up for tonight with a little prayer. Go ahead and close your eyes. If you're with your spouse, go ahead and reach over and hold their hand. And let's take a deep breath in and release. And just let's sit with you. What stuck with you from tonight's experience? And deep breath in and release. And notice what truth came up for you, what reality may have come up in having the conversations. And third deep breath in and release. Father, as we wrap up tonight, regardless of where our paths take us from here as a group, Father, be with each one of these men and women, both the ones that are here by themselves without their spouse and the ones that are here with their spouse. Father, be with us. Inside in us, a light to continue to pursue your truth, your truth inside of us individually and collectively, that one flesh would become something of a reality, an experience that becomes normal, not the once-in-a-while scene, the same thing from couples here or there, but that we could begin to build a standard, a standard that you shining through us can show us that marriage not only continues to work but is ordained by you, that the blood of Christ may enter into the dark places inside of each of us and into our marriages where things have fallen apart a bit. For the cracks and the resentment and the pain of decisions and life lived together, some for decades, that we could begin to heal. And then that healing, we could begin to broadcast the light of your truth through us, to not only show that marriage continues to work, but that there is a purpose that you had between bringing a man and a woman together to build family, to build community. And Father, may we as a group continue to exemplify this as we move forward, is our prayer as we wrap this night. Amen. In the sacred and holy name of Jesus the Christ. Amen. And deep breath in and release. Go ahead and open your eyes. Thank you for being here. You guys are amazing. I appreciate you. We're going to start bringing snacks for Danielle. She gets starving about halfway through.

It's like 7:30 for us.

I got a snack bag and some Goldfish. I'll be feeding her.

I go to bed at 9 going forward.

So have a wonderful night. We look forward to seeing you guys next week. And for those that are there, we'd love to see you inside the community. Click on the link in the Zoom chat and we'll also be texting, emailing it to you. Have a great night. This is Garrett J White, Danielle White signing off, sending love and light. Good morning, good afternoon, and good night. Good night.