The Date Your Wife Experience | Why Most Marriages Slowly Fall Apart

I love it. I love it.

I love it. Well, we're here.

We are here. We're in Costa Rica on my 50th birthday, and it's a perfect time for us to launch the Date Your Wife experience. One of the topics that we have taken on as a couple publicly for the past 8 years has been our marriage. What have been some of the benefits of us talking about the ups and downs of our relationship publicly online as a podcast?

Um, I think it gives people permission to feel like you're not alone. Honestly, when Garrett and I started sharing more of our truth, doing this podcast was a safe space where we felt like, oh my gosh, are we really actually talking about this? But then so many people would relate to our story and it opens up conversations for people. And it's interesting because we're, we're just now deciding to launch this experience and even him and I are still like, should we do this? But I think that that's when you're the most qualified. It's like when there's resistance against something and you have to look at what you've built and who you are. And I think that's, that's truly why we're doing this.

This year was the first year I started mentoring couples, um, both individuals who are power producers that are married that happen to be in our Warrior programs, and it's been incredible to see what happened with proximity and also with just conversation where a couple could open up. With tools like AI and so many other support tools available as well as therapy, this has created different environments for couples to try to find their truth. But the hardest part in any relationship is the ability to communicate. Can I communicate the darkness of my soul to my spouse? Can I communicate the pain that I'm feeling? Can I communicate the desires, the fantasies, the longing? And I feel like we have gotten to a place where we can be very open about things. It's not always easy. Why?

Nothing's ever easy. You look at raising kids, you look at your business, and for some reason we fall into this fantasy of that your marriage should be a certain way, but you've put more work into your children or your business or whatever it is. And then you have these false expectations of what marriage should be when you're unwilling to put each other first, but also put the work into your marriage. And one of the things that's been unique about Garrett and I is it may look a certain way on social media, but we spend an immense amount of time together to have these conversations. 'Cause we know so many couples that live in kind of like survival mode that they get to the end of 15, 10 years, 20 years together, kids, and then they're like, I don't even know if I like you or if I wanna be with you. And so it's more the, the game is changing. It's more than just like coexisting and raising. It's being able to connect with your partner while doing all those things. And it's, and it's not easy, but we have a standard in our relationships that we put a different standard in other areas of our life. And so that's where I feel like you and I are different, is that we put a standard inside of our marriage and our relationship that a lot of couples don't.

Communication is tough. One of the things we're gonna be doing inside the Date Your Wife Experience is creating an environment for couples to come together, just like I have in training and just like Danielle has in training for 15 years in our personal brands. But doing it with couples. And we've done this before. We did a test on this about 3 years ago and it worked incredibly well. Uh, Danielle was actually about 4 years ago and then we had our baby Charlie, who's now 4 and a half years old. And we decided at that time that it was just too much with everything else we had going on. But over the last year in particular, as I've seen currently, there are 9 active divorces going through. I've seen well over 45 divorces inside and outside of Wake Up Warrior that we're connected to in the last just 2 or 3 years. These are couples have been together for 15, 20 years. And it's, there's an onslaught on marriage and there is an attack on marriage and it is difficult to run a business, have kids, and at the same time to stay passionately in love with each other. So we're gonna create this container and we're inviting you into the container here at Date Your Wife Experience. Whether you've listened to the podcast or you're an active student of Wake Up Warrior or a past student of Wake Up Warrior, this is an opportunity for you to come with your wife. To this experience, or if you're a woman who's been watching the programs with Danielle and I, the podcast, to bring your husband to come experience this too. Now, communication opens up is a very difficult thing. You and I have gotten in hundreds and hundreds, if not a thousand plus debates and arguments over the years. What do you see this environment creating for couples that maybe we didn't have access to?

You know, I, I follow a lot of, I follow a lot of couples therapy and things like that, and I just feel like it's very It's very surface. And what you can expect from this is like, we're not perfect. And I think that that's a great place to start. I think if you put yourself on too much of a pedestal, it's like, it's not achievable. And I even think there's kind of like resistance between us wanting to do this, but a calling to do so. And that's how everything starts is God tells you to push forward or do something, or you just have this inkling that you should move forward and you don't know why, whether you believe in God or not, or just something that's pulling you forward. And I feel like For us, we, we have been together for— I've been with you for more than half of my life.

Yep.

25 years. And I still am in this place where I'm always looking to grow together and individually. And I think that's the challenge with couples is that you forget to grow together and individually. And truthfully, that mixed with time under tension is where we're at today. And I don't think we give ourselves enough credit. And that's honestly why I want to launch this program is because I know We're, although we're not perfect, we don't need to be. There's no such thing as perfect. And I think that you have to, a lot of people are scared to launch something because they think they have to be at a certain point. And I'm like, you always will teach where you're at.

Danielle and I have been the standard for a lot of couples with the simple game of what we have figured out already. Now we're constantly improving right here behind us or behind this camera, sitting in a giant mineral water hot tub. We were having debates here on my 50th birthday. About topics we've talked about for 25 years. Sex, intimacy, communication, feeling desired, feeling wanted, feeling seen, not feeling seen, feeling heard, not feeling heard, which they never end. If you look at two dynamic beings, we're not the same human beings we were when we met 25 years ago. We're not the same human beings we were a year ago. And the challenge in your marriage is the fact that you are both growing. And if you're connected to Wake Up Warrior or you're not, either way, you have two beings that are trying to get on the same page, not once in a while, every week. Trying to get on the same page every month, trying to stay on the same page every year. And if you don't, the drift becomes inevitable. Like, I'm telling you now, Danielle and I not had the communication skills and the reps and practice and the willingness to mess it up and fuck it up and do it wrong and get in arguments and yell and scream and talk about divorce over and over again over the last 25 years, we could not be here. Now, this can be scary to have conversations like this because these are conversations are going to go open up in the Date Your Wife experience and the dynamics will expand on this page outward. It's going to be a safe space.

Like, I think that a lot of people will say like, I don't need therapy. I don't need this. And it's like, women need a safe space to share. So whether that's therapy or an open environment or groups, I think this is a place where you're like, okay, I'm feeling that now I can communicate this to my husband.

Well, for a long time, Danielle thought I was the only one who felt that way I did as a man until she got exposed to other men and got to see and meet other men over the last decade and a half and recognize that it wasn't just a situation in me. It was a situation in all men. The same thing goes for me with women. And this idea that somehow Danielle was strange in the way she looked at things, although she is strange and I'm strange, so we're strange in our own ways. There was a harmony in which women were looking for something. And so many of our guys come to Warrior and their wives feel on the outside. And the last time we did the Date Your Wife experience similar to this, for the first time women got to come to the inside of Warrior and also find out they're not alone. It also creates a game for couples to recognize just because you have fights and just because you have debates and just because you have questions and fantasies and desires and dark thoughts and light thoughts, It doesn't mean you're wrong, nor does it mean that you're alone in having those feelings. Everybody has them. Every couple thinks, did we make a mistake? Every couple feels, are we going to make it to the next level? Do we just settle at the level we're at? What is it that's kept you going? Meaning, like, let's just be straight. I mean, I've drifted over the years many, many times. I'm questioning myself, questioning us, questioning our relationship.

I always say, like, no matter what situation you're in, you played a role. You know, so whether I feel like I'm right or wrong, or I'm the victim or not the victim, I'm like, okay, I have to like step outside of like the situation and be like, what role did I play a part of? And that's really helped me have patience for myself and you. And I think that a lot of times, you know, it's like divorce is the answer, and maybe sometimes it is, but I think if you don't truly look inward and also look to your partner to like help serve them, you're just gonna get in a different situation. Not the same. You're gonna get in a different situation and it might be a temporary fix. We don't know. But it's like, for me, I had to have this kind of awakening of like, I am 50% of the relationship and so are you. So that's what's kept me going is knowing that like, whether I thought you were wrong or right, I played a role or part of that, whether it was lack of communication. Or whatever that was. I have to take radical responsibility for being inside of the relationship. And when I look at it that way, I can have a lot more patience. And also for ladies, like, we tend to like wall up, and men do too, in their own way. And so it's made me have tough conversations without putting up a guard and allowing you to share, me to share, and back and forth. So this experience Honestly, like, if this was available for us, would have made a massive— because therapy is different. We've gone through so much therapy, and it's different when you're like, I'm not alone. And not only that, it's like, we're all striving. When you're in it, think about it, when you're in a group and everybody's winning, what does it do? It inspires you to do better, to be better, to be accountable. And nobody's really done it on the couple's level. No, you've done it in individual spaces, and you show up and you're like, I'm gonna be a better, better mom, a better wife, a better woman, but I'm like, but are you gonna be a better couple? And that doesn't come with therapy and it doesn't come with direct one-on-one coaching. It comes in an environment with other couples where you're like, wow. And we learn from our students. Mm-hmm. We're like, wow, that inspired us. So I'm not just do— we're not just doing this cuz I, like, I think this will help us. Anything that you do in life and you feel inspired by God or whatever it is, consider that it's not— it is to help other people, but it's for you to grow as an individual. And when you grow, other people grow.

So you have an opportunity here with us and really it wires down to the building. Many of the first people coming to the Digital Wealth Experience and being part of this with us virtually and then in person quarterly, which we'll roll out the details on this after we get started. I'm going to roll out the first wave of this and give us an opportunity not just to get our feet wet, but also to get your feet wet and give you a chance to test this and try it out. Here's what I know across the board, 15 years at Warrior Access have been everything, right? This place that we're at in Costa Rica right now is beautiful. In order to get into this particular villa that we're in, that we had to take a 3-hour flight from my, uh, from Fort Lauderdale, take a 3-hour car ride up in the middle of the jungle. You have to have access. Access is required. So there's certain access I have to find in my wife, and my wife has to find that in me, and we're going to provide that environment here at Date Your Wife Experience for you to find. Access to what though? First thing is going to be action maps. Strategies and tips that we've used and things that we've used as a couple, as well as all the other couples who are finding success in using the Warrior Principles to integrate a deeper connected marriage and communication, sex, and intimacy. How do we bring those things and bridge them to children? And how do we bridge them to the conversation of business? So there's going to be a collaborative experience happening with tons of power couples that are part of this, where action maps or specific actions of what you can do, simple things like date night. Like we have a program scheduled every single week. We go on date night 2 or 3 nights a week. We work out every morning on Wednesdays until 12 noon. We go on vacations every quarter. And once in, once every 2, 3 months, we have a staycation. This creates enough space and time for us to be able to have the real conversations. So we're going to create that environment every week with you in a virtual setting to where you and your spouse can literally come on a date with us and have an experience with the rest of the couples who are part of it. These action plans are also going to be locked into association, which is it's not just Danielle and I and you two. It's going to be you two, Danielle and I, and another 50 to 60 to 70 other couples, all part of a virtual experience, which we've mastered here over the last 15 years at Warrior. In creating an integrative experience for you to talk as couples with other couples, to have time to talk with each other alone during this process, then gather with other couples to debrief notes and get ideas and insights from what they're doing that could help you. You know what, what power has it brought to you, Danielle? Just association with sitting with other couples where we're sharing or they're sharing and we pick up something from members and then they pick up something.

Oh yeah. It's all about community. It's, it doesn't matter where you're at. Everybody has a different perspective. And I always say, being a teacher, you learn the most. And so for me, I mean, I told you, I was like, I feel like we are more qualified and called to do this. And I think this has been nudging both of us for a while. And so there's a lot of pressure in that because we have built a lot individually and together. And I think people wonder, like, are the Whites real? And I'm like, We are real, and I, I'm excited to learn and grow from this program and in so helping other women feel free. I think that I have experienced an immense amount as a, as a woman, as a mother, and as a wife of a freedom that I don't speak about. And I think, I think that you have spoken to men for years, and I think people are waiting to hear from me and I'm excited for this program. I think it'll help us grow together, and I'm excited to hold a space where other people feel free. I know for women especially, it's, it's very hard with men to feel open and safe and free, and I, I hope that this program does that.

So the Association Factor is going to access something interesting in all of you and in us, which is accountability, right? There's things you say you're going to do as a couple, they say you're going to do with each other, you say you're going to commit to each other. But my experience behind the scenes is that if both parties are not involved in that commitment, the commitment falls through. Guy says, we're going to go out on a date every week. Woman's not part of that commitment. And it doesn't happen. Or vice versa, you have a woman in a women's group who says, I'm going to make these changes with my husband, but he's not in the conversation. So the commitment's not there. So this creates a unique availability of accountability because every week we'll be returning, reporting as a group and individually about what we did in our commitments for the week following the Date Your Wife Experience protocol, which we'll be teaching you as you join the program. So we have access, we have association, we have accountability. Accountability is activated when you put yourself in the right environment. Next piece is acceleration. Many of you could be in horrible situations right now. Listen, I deal with guys every single day in marriages that are on the fringe. We talk to women every single day, and Daniela does too, where they're questioning whether this is going to work or whether we should be done. I've sat in 5 or 6 conversations in the last 6 weeks where both individuals in the couple said, either we're going to figure this out or we're getting divorced. Like divorce has become the answer. But what if the step before divorce was just getting access to a place where you could actually create it? And maybe you end up divorced. Maybe that's where you're supposed to be. But without giving it a shot, the thing that Danielle and I came to over and over again is, yeah, I could be done with Danielle. Danielle could be done with me. We could both move on. We're both attractive, powerful people that could find someone else. No question about it. But the one hesitation you have to have every single time is because you're dragging yourself into that new relationship, is anything going to actually change? And we both came to a hard truth for each other. I mean, I looked her straight in the eyes, and she looked me in the eyes and said, listen, if we take sex and money off the table, we take provision and protection off the table, we just assume we're going to be great co-parents, why do you stay? And your answer was, what do I say? Why do you stay?

Because I love you. I just feel like there's— it's more than that.

Yeah. You need not tell me, 'cause my soul keeps me here. I want to leave you a thousand times. I want to leave her a thousand times.

I always say that there's, you can do it alone, but you can go much further and farther together.

Nope.

No matter who that's with. And you can trade in relationship over relationship, but like we have a lot of history together. And so I'm like, when I get in these spots and everyone just assumes we're perfect, I'm like, when I get in these spots about every other month, I'm like, okay, where are we at? And you just have to almost like reevaluate where you're at and choose, choose in over and over again. And I think a lot of times, sadly, we settle. And when you settle, you stop growing as an individual and as a couple. And so as tricky as it is for us, we both feel this like pull to not only do it together, but evolve as individuals.

So this association leads to accountability and the accountability leads to acceleration. So results that would have taken years of therapy will be collapsed into a couple months here. Trying to do this on your own versus having a group and a tribe that you're part of that can help hold you accountable to it by just simply being in the conversation with you. So when you're showing back up on a call every week and you're saying, did you go on your date night this week? And the answer is no. Both you two get a look at each other and go, how committed are we to our marriage? Or are we more committed to our excuses? Did you plan the trip this year? You don't have to go somewhere far. You can go to the Hampton, the Hyatt, and go stay in a hotel in your city that you're in. This isn't about how much money you spend, but there's a level of responsibility and accountability that all of us as couples have been able to slip on when we're not being held accountable in a group with our peers, individuals who know what it feels like and who can look at us and say, Garrett, Danielle, you said you were going to do this last week. Did you do it?

But you know why, you know why a lot of, I think couples settle is because they know the work it requires on their end. So they're like, I don't know if he or she's going to change. And what you're saying is, I'm unwilling to do the work on myself. It's not even like, oh, I hope, you know, I don't know if she's going to make it, or I don't know if he's going to make it. You're really questioning yourself. Am I willing to change who I am? Am I willing to change my patterns and behaviors to show up in this relationship? And so it takes a really a really honest answer of like, are you going to change? Are you going to hold yourself accountable? Not just waiting for your other person to show up.

Well, you've sat in a lot of dark, dark, dark nights by yourself, and I'm confident that 100% of the idea in your mind would be it would be 100% easier to leave this guy. I'm confident. So how did you make it through those hundreds of moments in 25 years? Not the one or two that happen, that happen likely every month.

How did I make it through those moments?

Yeah.

I think that women see the potential in their men and we are part of the driving force of becoming that. And so it sounds strange, but if I'm questioning that, then I'm questioning myself. Did I show up? If I see him as this potential. Did I show up in the space where he could be that person? And so I, I kind of took it on as a direct reflection of like, okay, well, how did I show up? Mm-hmm.

Well, we've had the same thing happen on my side. We have danced every topic, the topic of sex, the topic of intimacy, the topic of communication, raising children, now having grandchildren, teenagers, toddlers, blended families with my wife's stepson that now calls her mom and who they communicate back in. And we say with 5 children, cuz we do. We've gone through building businesses, we've gone through building and through losing, we've gone through rebuilding, we've gone through reestablishing, re-innovating, we've gone through lawsuits, we've gone through persecution, betrayal, we've gone through team members at our core suing us from absolute lies. We have gone through all of the gamut and amidst all of it, somehow with the protocol we've figured out, with Dave's wife experience, have been able to stay connected, stay together, and move forward. There are a lot of individuals talking about this online right now. And it's hard to listen to couples that have been married for 2 years and have no children. I appreciate what their stance is. It's also another thing to listen to yet another couple on their third marriage talking about how happy they are. Yeah, but you didn't make it through the first 2. So a lot of credibility to those that are speaking on this, but I want you to understand that we come to the table as a couple that's been together for 25 years. We have done this and led Wake Up Warrior and led Natural Beauty of Rose and led thousands and thousands of people. And we're inviting you to join us in the Datewife Experience. With you and your spouse to come participate in the first month, see what it's like. And if it connects and it fits well with you to join us every week, every month, and every quarter for an experience as an opportunity to take all the things we've learned and so many other power couples were invited to be part of this part of the Warrior Network to guide you and your spouse back to what I call Eden, the ability to be all you all the time with the person that you chose and the person that chose you. And we're going to work through the scars and we're going to work the healing and we're going to bring God into this conversation in a way that has the power to liberate and the power to leverage this experience to be able to put you in a place that you truly desire. So Danielle, any last words before we wrap up?

I just think if you've, if you've listened to our podcast or followed us and the message is calling you, like, I feel like now is the time that you take the next step forward. And it can be scary because I think that people are nervous because it might expose you. But if you can't expose you, then you can't move on from the hurt and the pain that you're currently in. And so I think oftentimes we're nervous to try something, and it's— it actually can be very liberating. So if you're listening to this, if you've listened to our podcast, I would just say, what do you have to lose? I would say go all in on yourself. And even if you just show up and you kind of sit in the sidelines for a minute, that's fine. You know, like, trust the process, immerse yourself in our world and see that we're the real deal. And I think that if you do that, you can feel our intentions and our heart, and you can see the community and the value that it, that it will offer. And I think that you will have the courage to take the next leap forward, which is choose you, choose your spouse, choose you as a couple, and understand the impact that not only could it make on yourself, your community, your family, but to really set yourself free.

So you know what to do. On this page, you see some instructions to get yourself set up with an account and to join us in upcoming call, as well as some of the pre-training to get you ready for your first experience. My name is Garrett J White, founder of Wake Up Warrior, and Danielle K White, the founder of Natural Beauty Rose and the co-host of the Date Your Wife podcast, bringing you the Date Your Wife experience today.