Parenting Demystified... Ep 4

Keep up with Power 108.9 on social media.

Instagram @Power 108.9 and Facebook 108.9.

It's. It's the. It's the exact same thing. It's at power 108.9.

Oh.

Oh, okay. Power 108.9, a station for the people. I like to welcome everybody. The number one Favorite station at ATL, power 108.9. Question. What's the only station where you can get R B, hip hop, pop, and talk radio?

Time's up.

Power 108.9, a station for the people. The opinions and views expressed by this program are those of the program program host and guest and do not necessarily reflect the views of Power 108.9 and its officials. We hope you enjoy.

Okay. It's something different. Hey, I like that. What's up? What's up, y'? All?

Conscious intercourse. We are back at it again on this beautiful Wednesday.

Yes.

Another full moon.

Is it another full moon?

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Strawberry full moon, as they called it.

Strawberry moon.

Yeah.

Okay, so what's that? What's this? What's the strawberry moon? I don't know. Oh, you know. Okay. I thought it was about to enlighten me. Like. Okay. The strawberry moon.

Yes, it's called a strawberry moon. You know, I guess that has something to do with how, you know, indigenous civilizations, you know, monitor the celestial bodies for seasonal changes for, you know, went to plant and harvest crops and things of that nature. So for whatever reason, this one in particular is called the strawberry moon. And so I don't know all the specifics. Like I said, we're gonna have to get an astrologist.

Yeah.

To kind of just enlighten us on what some of the stuff that'd be interesting. Yeah. Perhaps means as conscious people being aware of our environment, our universe, you know, the planetary alignments of the celestial bodies is think of importance.

Absolutely.

So, yes, it's, you know, it is that time. That time of the month where the skies at nighttime are bright and shiny.

Okay. You can see the stars visible.

Indeed. Indeed. You know, Father's way. Father's Day is around the corner.

Father's Day is around the corner.

The only time that fathers are recognized for being fathers.

Ooh. Is that true? The only time.

I don't know. There's only one Father's Day.

There's only one Mother's Day.

This is true.

But, you know, those days should be celebrated every day.

They should. Right.

They should be celebrated. If you got a good Father, a present father, a good present mother. They should be celebrated every day.

Yeah. Good parents, right?

Good parents.

Yeah. Yeah, it's definitely a. One of the greatest gifts and responsibilities of life.

Amen to that.

To bring forth children and to watch them grow and mature, you know, and to realize that their every need, you know, at a certain point is dependent upon you being able to fulfill those needs. You and your, you know, the father and the mother, the father and the mother being able to provide those things.

You said to a certain point, right? Well, yeah, because eventually, at what point does that stop? When do you stop providing for their needs, man?

Maybe, maybe you don't, right? When they move out your house.

No, I don't think it stops there.

So it never stops. Right. It's an ongoing thing, you know.

That's my understanding. That's my understanding. Especially when you, when you have a strong support, you know, supporting family. My mother was my rock.

Okay.

And unfortunately, I lost my mother to cancer in 2015, but.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Yeah, I was, you know, depending on her for a lot.

Correct. Yes.

She came in and helped me with, with my children when I needed her. You know, I'm grown, you know, at this point, but, you know, when I needed her, she was there.

Yeah. That's powerful. You know, that's, that's really, really powerful.

That's real. So she could have been like, girl, you grown. Yeah. You know, you take care of your own problems.

But she wasn't exactly.

She was always there. My biggest support, my biggest fan, my, my everything, my rock. Like I said.

That's beautiful.

Yeah.

Yeah. I unfortunately didn't have, you know, my parents around since they transitioned in my teenage years, but I remember my mother in law was instrumental in being there for us, you know, anytime we need to drop the children off somewhere or, you know, at that time she lived with us, you know, and we just be a support, be able to have that, that third person, you know, that additional support within the household or nearby to be able to, you know, support with the children, looking after them. Somebody you could feel like.

Yeah, you got a pretty big family, so I'm sure that that support is needed.

Yeah, indeed. Indeed. Yes. Support is critical. Right. It takes, it takes the whole village concept.

Right, that's what I'm saying, that village concept, you know, so when does it really end? You always, you know, you're supposed to always be there and support and. Yeah. You know, keep it, keep it growing, keep it going.

Correct. But is it, is it on you, though, or the parents to be, you know, solely responsible for providing that support.

I think up to a certain point it is.

Yeah.

That's my understanding that, you know, you take care of your children until they're grown, but even when they're technically considered grown grown, you know, they're not like I, I, I always say, you know, I have a 18 year old and I can't wait till I turn, you know, 18, I'm gonna move out. When I turn 19, I'm gonna move out. You're not ready. You're not ready. And I don't think it's a good idea to push our children out the house at 18 and sometimes not even 21, you know, 40 now. 40. Yeah. That's a, yeah, that's, that's enabling. So it's not right.

Just be in the basement.

Yeah.

Or the pool house.

You know, they got to be contributing something to the house if they there at 40.

Well, yeah, I mean, in antiquity, you.

Got to be doing something now, you know, if you still home at 40. Yeah, yeah. Maybe you paying the bills? Maybe, maybe that's what I'm saying.

Yeah.

Maybe I'm taking a break at this point.

Yeah. Because the home just expands. Right. In antiquity, you just added on a hut. Right. You didn't move across town or across.

You just got a compound.

You just added. Yeah. You were just like, okay, we're gonna build this little hut over here for you.

I don't think nothing's wrong. Get back to that. When I say back to that, I know, you know, you know, some of that, you know, those little ways. Practice in Africa and, you know, but I think we should get back to that.

You know, like, Uncle Phil had the full house. Right.

You know, somebody was in the pool house. You know, he took on his nephew.

Yeah.

You know, you know, we should get back to that. I think we really should.

Yeah.

But we got such, you know, everybody want to be independent, everybody want to worry about self. You know, a lot of people don't think like that anymore.

So you're saying people are selfish?

I think a lot. I think we are. I think a lot of people are selfish. But I think, but, but I think that has a lot to do with traumas and stuff that we've learned, you know, from our parents and our families. But then again, I don't know, my family, we were kind of close growing up. My cousins, we were always around each other. You know, you would think my mom and my cousin were sisters the way, you know, her children and my mom's children. Were together. You thought that we were all siblings. We were close growing up.

Cause y' all was in the hood. Y' all had no choice.

We was definitely.

Where y' all gonna go? Ain't no bus coming here.

Dang. Is that what it was?

I couldn't even get to the bus.

Dang. That's why we was close, because we was in the hood.

They had no choice.

That's messed up.

You know, y' all share the same fire hydrants as a. As a sprinkler system.

Don't, don't, don't. Don't hate on the fire hydrant. Those are the best hood moments. What? On hot days like this? It's 100 degrees outside, y'. All. Oh, man, the sprinklers, the. The fire hydrants. Yeah, that was the best.

You know, that's the water part.

That was the water part. We could. We look forward to it.

I love it. I love it.

Don't hate on the. Don't hate on the hydrant.

I love it. I'm just saying that.

But, yeah, see, even. Especially in the hood. You know, people talk about the hood a lot, but growing up in the hood, it was close. Everybody was close. Like, anything, anytime, some. Some went on with somebody's children, it got back to the parents quick. Like, everybody knew what was going on. If mom. If my mom couldn't make it home, I'm home. I'm locked out the house. You got the neighbor, like, come on over here, baby. See your mama get home. You want something to eat? You know you could. Yeah, we was always good. Even if we got to sit out on the step, we. I felt safe in the hood, but that was when I. When I was growing up. I don't know. It's not the same. Yeah, it's not the same. No more. Children don't even want to go outside and play.

Yeah, well, that's another. You know, that's another issue. This, you know, artificial synthetic world that's.

Being created, but it has a lot to do with parenting. Parenting is not the same no more. We got children raising children, children raising children. That's what's going on. And you got. You got. You got roles where the grandparents have no choice but to raise their children. Not when it's like I'm stepping in and helping you raise your children so you could do this and go to school. See, my mom helped, you know, know, help me with a situation. Unfortunately, you know, I lost my husband. Okay. So I had. Yeah, I had to, you know, lean on my mom for support So I can go back to school, so I can work. So that's different. You got some people that just don't want to be parents, you know, so grandparents have no choice but to step in and take, take over.

So what happens? What does that mean? People don't want to be parents? Like, like what, what circumstances create that?

People not wanting to be parents? Yeah, many different reasons. I don't think it's just one. I think it's different reason. People feel like they don't know what to do. They don't know how to be parents. They never had real parent examples. So they're afraid. It's a whole life, it's a whole person you have to be responsible for. So it scares a lot of people.

Okay, so that means how do you prevent that?

Right.

How do you prevent circumstances where parents don't want to be parents or circumstances where children are raising children?

Oh, and that's, that's, that's what we need to prevent babies having babies, first and foremost.

Yeah, yeah.

So we prevent, you know, that situation and having children to be faced with that challenge.

So how do we prevent that? Like, how do we prevent that from happening? Cuz, you know, these children.

Ah, supervision, you know.

Supervision.

Supervision. Yeah.

Make them stay home till they 40. Exactly. No, right, no, exactly. Right. Because it's like.

But that's what I'm saying. I think it's hard right now because everybody's forced to work. Everybody. I mean, we all have to work.

Not only that, I'm going back to another perspective. Like I remember when I was in high school, people were having sex rampantly throughout high school.

Yeah.

You know, freshmen, sophomores, juniors, seniors, you know.

Yeah.

Like it was on. People were doing it in school, beyond the bleachers. Like it was going down in school. Sneaking on school buses, like it was going down.

People, you know, skipping school, just don't even go.

But then people would get pregnant.

Right, Right. A lot of teen pregnancy.

We had a whole TV series that won Emmys, you know, by Team Muhams, you know, and we watched the stuff unfold on tv. So it's like, do we, how do we prevent that? How do we keep these children from having sex? Or can we even stop it or prevent it? Like what, like what is. As parents, what do we do about that?

Supervision. Back to supervision. You know, you guys, I know we're all working. A lot of people have busy schedules. But try to, you know, know, know what's going on with your children.

But it's a super. I remember me being like, approached by girls to have sex with them. I just was too green to even know what to do. So I was. Luckily, I didn't even get none. Right. But ultimately. Right. Too bad. I was like, I wanted it, but I just didn't know. I was, you know, I was shy, I was timid. I'm like, insecure.

But no, a lot of these children are not shy or timid.

No, these girls, these girls weren't fast. They weren't. I mean, a girl took me home if we skipped. She made me skip track practice to take me home.

That's what I'm saying. Listen, I. I've read some, some notes that was sent to my son.

Yeah.

And I'm like, oh, what.

Yeah, exactly. Right.

What did she say to you? Do what? After, after class.

That's what I'm saying.

Right.

It's in their music that they listen to. It's everywhere.

Yeah, exactly. It's in the music. It's in all the movies. It's, you know, it, you know, and it's natural.

It's.

Yeah, it's innate.

By the time we reach 12, 13. 13.

But again, supervision, you know, having your parents present, you know, really, really concerned about what's going on with your day to day.

Yeah.

And talking to you about things. So you're not out here just super curious. So you got some kind of foundation where your, your parents are open and talking to you about these things you're curious about.

Correct. Yeah.

Not, you know, not every parent is comfortable doing that, you know. So now you got the children sneaking and.

Yeah.

You know, I don't want to talk about sex. I don't want to even hear about you having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Don't. Never. Oh, I know you. I know you got a girlfriend.

Yeah.

And I don't want to have to, you know, I know you got condoms in your wallet. I ain't gonna go there. But, you know, you, you 18, you. You would. I'm sure it's on your mind, but if it is on your mind, let me tell you how to do it. Right. Like, let's have this uncomfortable conversation. I think that's just what we have to do, especially with our teenagers, because if we not having it, the TV having it, the radio having it, the music is having a conversation with them, so we got to get there first, you know.

I agree. You know, and, and the children also have to be comfortable enough to approach you with those types of conversations.

Right.

Without feeling like you're gonna ridicule them or you're Gonna, you know, yell at them or whatever. Right. Whatever relationship and, you know, paradigm you have with your children, right. That it's one that allows them to come and talk to you about everything.

Right. And I think that's important, like breaking that. Breaking that seal, like being able to make. Have them comfortable enough to share certain things with you. Because as much as I talk to my. My boys, you would think that they would just tell me anything, but they don't. They still still.

Like, that's the thing, right?

Come on. Like what? Like I want to know.

Because that's what I'm saying. Can we really prevent this?

Right.

Or is this part of life? Or is it just part of how we're created as sexual.

We have a lot of influence. We have the most influence on our children and how we raise them. Absolutely true. Right. No, you have to be. You have to be open with your children. You cannot just let, you know, they're gonna, you know, they're gonna see it out here. They're going to hear it out here. So you have to, like I said, be the one to introduce the conversation first, just to see where their head is with it.

But if they. If they want to do it, they still want to do it, right? They're still going forward, but they don't.

Want to do it more when you tell them they can't.

True, true. But what happens when they still do it and then bring forth the child?

Right, because that's. That. That can happen then.

Of course that happens.

It happens all the time. But, you know, you did your part as a parent. At least do your best.

Then what happens, you know, to those children that are now being brought forth.

By children, then that's what happens. And that's when, you know, you have the grandparents taking care of them, children still trying to. Still trying to figure out who they are growing up. Yeah. So.

So shouldn't it be how we should be it. Shouldn't it be that. That parents should have the understanding that if their children bring forth children, that they'll be ultimately responsible for helping or even raising those children? Actually.

I don't think it should be expected. It should be understood that it's. It's likely that you're gonna have to support. But I'm not about to be expected to take care of my grandchildren. I want. I want it to be, you know, like, oh, I want my babies in here. You take them back. I just, you know.

Yeah, but these are children. They don't know how to take care of children.

That's why. Then that's why you have those preventative measures. You talk about that and you make sure they know if you have a child, that's your responsibility. So make sure you can provide. Make sure you getting out here, I mean, it's like, it's like you have to, you have to tell them. You can't let them think that is. That it's not going to be their responsibility to take care of their own children because then they gonna. Of course they ain't gonna care about just having a child and throwing them on you. Like, it's like, all right, you gonna take care of it? No, I'm not. I'm never going. I'm never gonna let them think that that's the case.

But shouldn't it be how it wasn't? That's, that's how it was in antiquity in the village.

Right.

Cuz children are not really. They don't really belong to anybody per se.

Right?

What you mean children, they don't belong to anybody. They belong to God. They're children of God.

Like, okay, this is true. But we are respons. As parents, we are responsible for our children until they are adults.

To a certain extent. I think the vill. I think the village is responsible for the child that's born within that village.

Right.

Cuz we're talking about the village approach. The village should be responsible for the children that are brought forth in that village.

Yeah, but we don't live in villages, so.

Exactly. So being that we don't live in.

Villages and we don't have the village mentality.

Correct.

Either.

So we don't have the mentality. We don't live in those villages. So now it's strict guidelines.

It's parenting.

It's strong parenting to prevent children from creating children.

At least try. It starts there. It's, it's, you know, that's where it starts.

In situations where both parents have jobs, children are going to school.

No, I'm agreeing. It's tough.

No, no, it's impossible. But I, I hear you could use the word tough. I'm like, it's impossible.

I don't think it's impossible, but it's tough. It's a challenge.

Well, it hasn't worked.

What hasn't worked?

I don't see it working.

What, what hasn't worked?

This concept of strong parenting to prevent children from being. From having sex and creating children.

It works.

I think it's circumstantial.

I think that. I think that's a better way of putting it, but it works. Circumstantial it's definitely circumstantial, but it works. It's just that a lot has failed because we have so many children having children.

I mean, we're products of children having children.

Yes, we are.

And this has been happening for generations after generation.

But I was. I was grown before I had my child was grown. I was out the house.

How young were you?

I was 21.

Oh, while you're grown at 21, huh?

Well, I was technically grown. I was out the house. You're grown. I understand.

You could drink liquor.

I was. It was my responsibility.

Wow.

You know, I was technically grown. Wow.

Okay. According to.

Even though, like, I had no idea that my mom would, you know, drop everything and come support me. And I didn't expect her to do that. Yeah, but she did that. Wow. You know, but at that, at 21, I was. It was my responsibility, you know, I was technically grown.

Wow. Okay. According to.

Even though, like, I had no idea that my mom would, you know, drop everything and come support. Support me. And I didn't expect her to do that. Yeah, but she did that. Wow. You know, but at that, at 21, you're technically grown. Yeah.

According to, you know, what the papers say.

Yeah, according to what the papers say.

Yeah, you're grown. That's an interesting perspective, that you're grown at 21. That you could, you know, create your own life and start having children.

And of course, we still growing. Of course, at 21, you don't know what you're doing. You have no idea what you're doing.

So why are you raising children?

Because that's. It happens.

Because it was.

Because I was on.

It was.

I was doing grown things.

Exactly.

Grown things. So.

Exactly.

I got grown. Consequences.

It's true.

Right. So that's how. That's what happened.

So how do we teach our children to manage those urges, that energy.

Right. Communicating by keeping it real with them and just. And just, you know, showing them how to protect themselves and how to be emotionally responsible.

Children, to be responsible emotionally. All of that, all those things you just talked about. We're going to have children actually manage.

I'm not saying that they are going to be great at it, but I think that you have to introduce that, that concept to them.

I'm just saying. But you're. These are still children. They are 13, 12.

Yeah.

We're asking to be responsible adults. Can even manage a lot of cultures.

They marry, they married. They marry children off at 14.

The things that you're talking about years old, the things that you're talking about adults can't even manage.

Right, right.

We're going to ask 15, 16 year olds to do those things.

But maybe if we were, maybe if we were introduced to that, that thought process at 12, 13, 14, we would have a different mindset.

So maybe we should change our. Scrap our school system.

Oh, our school system sucks. We know that's.

Did you just say.

I said that out loud. But I, I'm sure the world agrees. They're taking so many important programs out of the school and out of the school systems that you know that the children need like extracurricular activities like sports. Like it's like, you know, except for.

Football.

They got football in there, you know, home economics, you know, you know, just, just things that teach children about the day to day life.

Yeah, that's a very interesting perspective.

But again you can't, you can't expect your school system to teach your children. See that's what a lot of, a lot of people are, you know, putting it on the school system and that's where we're failing.

So how we're going to do that, how we're going to be able to create an environment to where we are properly, we're parents are able to provide financially simultaneously providing the adequate and proper education to their children without sending them to these public schools that are failing us.

That has to, you know, I think each individual family will be different depending on their circumstances. Some families don't have two parent households, you know, where maybe one is going out and making the money and one is home care taking care of children, you know, or they, they work their schedules out to where there is always someone home paying attention to the children or checking in. I think it has to be communicated so it could work, but it can, you know, or maybe one is going out and making the money and one is home care taking care of children, you know, or they, they work their schedules out to where it's always someone home paying attention to the children or checking in. I think it has to be communicated so it could work, but it can work, but we have the households broken down so it all starts there, right? Like that's the thing. They don't want mom and dad in the household and there's a lot of families that don't have mom and dad in the household.

Who's this day?

Who's what?

Who's they?

When I. What do you mean?

You said they don't work but we.

Have the households broken down so it all starts there, right? Like that's the thing they don't want mom and dad in the household. And there's a lot of families that don't have mom and dad in the house.

Who's these? They.

Who's what?

Who's they?

When I. What do you mean?

You said they don't want. I'm like, who's they?

Who you talking about they don't want what?

No, you said they don't want two people wanting. I'm like, who's they?

Who you talking about they don't want what?

No, you said they don't want two people in the household.

I mean, I mean, this is the system, the way that the family. The family. Yeah, the system.

The agents.

The agents.

These, these agents.

Because you know what I mean, you know, the, the family dynamic has been broken down.

Household.

I mean, I mean this is the system, the way that the family. The family. Yeah, the system.

The agents.

The agents. These agents to cause exactly what's, what's happening right now. So that's the thing. I think this conscious dialogue is important and it, it, it should be in our schools. We should have sex education back in the schools. You know, we should have home economics back in the schools.

No, those are, you know, critical and pivotal and fundamental, you know, learning platforms for our children. And we ultimately, you know, as, as, as a civilization, well, at least in this, you know, modern day society, have really moved away from the essence of who we are as a people.

Right.

And how we interact with one another, how we raise our children. And it's. And ultimately we're seeing the byproducts of those little decisions. Those decisions.

Those situations. Correct. Absolutely.

So now we, we have to figure out how to, you know, create a at least birth plant rather, you know, plant the seeds to return to who we are, you know, how to the ways of our ancestors. Maybe it's not necessarily going back to how our ancestors did it. Maybe it's just figuring out a way that we could tap back into, you know, what they did now they did it.

Yeah, we gotta have more conscience in the course. Yeah, we gotta bring back the whole concept of the village, Right?

Indeed.

Keep dropping them seeds.

Yep. Gotta keep doing that.

Absolutely. And we will. And we will. And we will.

All right. Pay some bills. All right.

Gotcha's Intercourse.

Foreign. They force feed you on social media. Yes. Then get connected to power 108.9 A station for the people.

If you're a content creator, social media, socialite influencer, or simply love to record current events, you need the joystick. The joystick is an essential tool for every type of digital content creator. It holds two or more mobile phones or tablets allowing users to stream and record hands free on multiple apps simultaneously, and it's lightweight and portable. For more information or to purchase your Joystick today, visit our website. Record current events you need the Joystick the Joystick is an essential tool for every type of digital content creator. It holds two or more mobile phones or tablets allowing users to stream and record hands free on multiple apps simultaneously, and it's lightweight and portable. For more information or to purchase your Joystick today, visit our website@www.joystick.com my powerful.

And pristine people, it's your boy Emoney, your favorite engineer. Check it out if you want to get involved with Power 108.9 as far as partnerships and advertising. If you want to reach our 50,000 plus listeners and viewers per week, please.

Email@Www.Joystick.Com My powerful and pristine people, it's.

Your boy Emoney, your favorite engineer. Check it out if you want to get involved with Power 108.9 as far as partnerships and advertising. If you want to reach our 50,000 plus listeners and viewers per week, please email power1089adsmail.com that's power1089adsmail.com Speak to our Marketing director so we can get you set up and ready to go. Let us help you reach your targeted audience and expand your brand. Question what's the only station where you can get R and B, hip hop, pop and talk radio or 1089 A D s? Gmail.com that's Power1089@adsgmail.com speak to our Marketing director so we can get you set up and ready to go. Let us help you reach your targeted audience and expand your brand. Question what's the only station where you can get R, B, hip hop, pop and talk radio?

Time's up.

Power 108.9 a station for the people.

Tomorrow let's talk about January 6th. My little brother talking about what happened on January 6th blocked his ass. He's in Facebook jail on my page.

Yep, Ask me that dumb question.

Time's up.

Power 108.9 station for the people.

Tomorrow let's talk about January 6th. My little brother talking about what happened on January 6th.

Blocked his ass.

He's in Facebook jail on my page. Yep.

Ask me that dumb question. Power 108.9 a station for the people.

Mental health awareness. Let's make our mental health a priority. This is Dr. S and you're listening to Power 108.9.

Yeah. So that's a whole conscious intercourse. We're back. Back at it again for the people.

Mental health awareness. Let's make our mental health a priority. This is Dr. S and you're listening to Power 108.9.

Yeah.

So exactly. Back to back.

Yeah, it's.

Yeah, parenting, right. That's Big P word.

Right? Because it's, you know, it's a partnership, right.

You know, between sometimes and sometimes it's a. So it's a soul, you know, soul partnership.

You know, but that's, that's not ideal though.

No, it's not.

It's not ideal. It's almost like.

But it's reality.

It's an unfortunate reality.

Yeah.

So from, just from idealistically speaking, it should be a parenting. It should be a partnership, right?

It should be a partnership where you.

Have mother and father, right? What does that even mean?

Never mind. You know, this is old. Old folks don't know nothing.

I've heard the song. Okay, we'll come back to pushing Pete. I think I know what it means, period. Pushing P. We're gonna talk about that.

We get you there. It's okay. It's okay. But yeah, we, yeah, we, we gotta get with the concept of, you know, even. Even if parenting is not, you know, a two parent household, it still get done. You know, unfortunately, that is our, our reality.

I mean, you still get it done. But is it effective?

What do you mean? Yes, it can be effective. Can't be. Listen, we have all kinds of circumstances and it. And it's effective.

Let's define effective just Cuz you're able to do something doesn't make it effective. Effective, right. Just because you could do something does not make it effective. You could paint a building with your feet.

The thing is, what do you make it effective? The thing is, what is your goal? Like it could be effective, but is it effective in a good way? Is it, is it moving towards the goal?

What's the goal?

That's the. That that needs to be put in place. That's what I'm saying. No, but the goal, if you are in a position, if you have to raise a child by yourself. Right?

Yeah.

If you're still doing everything you can. Yeah. To make sure your child gets a good education, good food, good shelter, all that. You're doing the best you can. That's effective.

No, it's not.

That's so.

No, it's.

No, it's not.

No, this is not. This is not a knock on any single parents.

But how is that.

No, no, I'm just. I'm just going to share with you. This is not a knock to any single parents out there. I'm one.

Right.

Doing the best you can is not a knock on, on any parent. On me, you, whoever out there is a single parent.

Okay?

It's just not effective. What I mean by effective is that raising children requires a minimum two people requirement. At minimum two people.

Okay?

So if you. Anytime you're doing it for less than two people, it's not going to be effective. That's all. I'm simply saying, just because you could do do it doesn't mean that it's effective.

So effective to you is perfection.

No.

What is. What is it?

Effective means that children need both dynamics.

But. But reality is that they. Exactly. There's a lot of cases and they.

End up growing up and. No, they end up growing up having issues.

But not all. That's not the case. That's not always the case.

Okay.

You have. You have unique situations. Every unique situation is not an issue. It doesn't have to be bad.

Nobody said. I didn't say anything. But you're bad.

But you're speaking as if it is. It doesn't. You know that you don't have successful cases.

I don't know what successful.

I don't understand what effective means.

Effective means that this thing requires. For example, when you're cooking, Right.

Yes.

You may open the cabinet and you're missing some certain seasonings.

Okay.

The objective was to make that thing tonight that requires that seasoning. This is in that seasoning.

Okay.

You open the cabinet, you're missing all those things. So you take other things to supplement.

It's called improvise. It's called improvise.

Exactly. But you didn't achieve your goal of making that thing to taste.

I'm going to achieve my goal. And it's gonna. It's still gonna be good.

No, that's.

That's a bad.

No, that's because you're being good. That's because you're being proud of.

No, that's because it's still gonna be good. Because I know how to cook.

No, exactly.

I know how to substitute milk. Well, for what I'm simply saying is that.

What I'm saying is that improvising is.

Is exactly what.

Let's define what improvising.

You make it work with what you have.

Exactly. But that does not make it effective.

Just going to have to agree to disagree.

No, this is not about agreeing disagreeing thing. It's just what it is.

Okay.

Children require masculine and feminine energy.

Yes, they do.

Wait, hold on. You can't raise them with just one aspect of it and assume that it's going to be. I improvised. I did the best that I could. That doesn't make it effective.

Okay.

It makes it like doing the best that you can and improvising and doing. Making the best of what you got. You know what I'm saying? Chitlins. No, hold on. Slaves were given chitlins to eat. Hold on. So they seasoned it and called a soul food. But they're still dying of high blood pressure and all these diseases. Like Kendrick said. Right? What did Kendrick said? They said the catering back to the parents. What I'm saying is. But it's. I'm just trying to give an analogy that makes more sense. Like you could take something and improvise. That doesn't mean it's the best thing for you or for the children. That's what I'm simply saying. No, no, but exactly. You could best you could do with chitlins. I get that. But that still doesn't mean that's your best thing for you to eat. Just because you improvised in a made of soul food, that does not make it.

In that case, you're right.

It's the same thing.

It's not. It's not the same thing.

Yes, it is. You need two parents. So do you. Do you need two parents to ready to raise a child?

No, I think it's ideal.

Why then why didn't God allow just people to have children on their own?

I'm not saying it's.

No, no. Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. You just said. No, no, you just go back.

But I know, I know parents. I know situation where both parents were in the house and you still got messed up children.

That's the thing I'm trying to say. Exactly. I said this is what I'm going back to my point exactly. At minimum, you need two parents. But even with that, they fall short. So typically you need a village. Okay, so a minimum. I said at minimum. And it's just. So you needed two parents. At minimum, you need two. So when you don't even have the minimum, the end product is going to be flawed.

Okay?

That's all I'm simply saying. Because otherwise our creator would have made it possible for us to just have children on our own. That's what I'm simply saying. And there's a reason why you need two people.

But all I'm. All I'm simply is saying is that it can be done.

No, that does not. Anything can be done. That does not make it right. That's what I'm saying. It doesn't make it effective.

Well, okay.

As simple as that. This is not like a. It's just what it is. I didn't.

It's not ideal. It's not. It's not ideal because everybody. Because it, it can be done and it has. No, no. Just because in certain circumstances, because it been. It has been affected.

No, it's not just because people turn out supposedly good because we see them on tv. Oh, I came from a single parent household. I got a Harvard degree and I got this. And they did this. Yes, they did that. But we see these. You know how we.

As.

I'm trying to share with you. I'm. I'm trying to share with you. We see these things on TV or on news or, or I was. People look good from outside looking in.

Right? Right.

Oh, they, they. You don't know what they're dealing with every single night. And I. You don't know what the issues are. Having a relationship with their woman or their, their husband. There's these issues that occur because of that lack of that other parent in the household. Just because it could be done doesn't mean that it was effective because there's things that they're lacking from the other parent. I know people that have raised. I know fathers that have raised single children and I've know mothers have raised. There's always something that's.

No, I, I'm a product of that.

I understand something that's gonna be missing there. So it's not effective. That's what I'm simply saying. At minimum, you need both parents. So that's all I'm simply saying. Because otherwise we will be able to create on our own.

But like we do as people, we cope, you know, and we, we. We.

We're resilient.

We are very resilient. And sometimes if you don't have. Have parents, you don't have the mother in the household, you don't have the father, you find other ways to cope and to, to. To make up for that. What. And other supports for that. What. Whether it be a, A sister circle, whether it be. Whether it be a fraternity or sorority.

Exactly.

You find different ways to get that energy into. To make up for those things you lack. And you just, you know, that's what you do. That's because we're resilient and you find what works for you.

Because, because even like you said, and even the. If you Said it was effective. What would. What would they even want us to. If they knew it was effective to still raise a child by your own, why would they allow you to do it?

Are we talking about they.

Again, you mentioned the Asians today. They're taking a parent. They're taking somebody out of the household. Why would they do. If it's effective to do it on your own? Why would their agenda be to take the father?

It's most effective when the. Both parents.

No, no, no, no, no, no. We're not going to say most. No, no, it's. No, we're not going to have most. No. The reason they do is because they know it's not going to be effective. That's why they do it. Why would this. You think they just want to remove the most in front of effective. Their agenda is to. Oh, let's make it less effective. No, they're trying to destroy.

They are so.

But destroying means removing a father out of the household to destroy this family. That's their agenda. So if you. So to me, it cannot be effective without the father.

Okay.

That's all. I'm simply saying, because you know what?

I'm not going to argue too much. I want every man to feel that way. I want every. Every man, especially every black man to feel. Feel that way and know that and be present in the household. So. Okay, let's keep spreading that word. Yes, let's. Let's make it effective. Correct. Okay.

So.

Yes. And let's. Let's keep, you know, having that dialogue. Yeah, let's keep having that dialogue of having. Keeping the men and keeping the black family together.

Exactly. You know, we got to keep the, you know, like I said, it's a partnership. Right. You got to have mother and father, and each of those parent has. Should have perhaps certain roles or responsibilities in the dynamic.

Right.

I believe that men and women are different.

That's absolutely true. Very different.

There are certain attributes and skill set that a woman possess that men don't possess and vice versa.

Absolutely.

So that's why you need.

And we need both those aspects, those in their family dynamic.

Correct?

Absolutely.

So then when it comes to the dynamic of parenting, you should have one person operating in a certain capacity and the other person operating in another capacity. What are those capacities? I'm just curious, like, what are those capacities?

What are the traditional capacities? I mean, should they be traditional?

Because, I mean, from your understanding, I.

Understand that the man is the man, a woman is a woman. The man is the provider. To go out and, you know, it's.

A man, provider and the woman the.

Nurturer, you know, to keep house, take care of the children, you know, cook, clean, all those things. But, you know, we have some instances where the woman is out making the money and daddy's home cooking every day.

Is that effective?

Is it? So it's. I mean, I don't know. I don't. I don't know.

I mean, Mrs. Doubtfire, was she affected?

She was a nanny. She was Daddy. But, you know, that was a. What? No, I'm not doing this.

I got you.

Downfire.

I got you there for a minute.

Oh, wow.

I'm just saying, though.

So I was a desperate. That was a desperate daddy.

Exactly. Doing whatever he need to do to.

Get whatever he had.

Children's lives, Right?

Yes, but. But yes, there are. Ro. There. There are roles.

So. So those rules. Can those roles be interchangeable? Is that what you. Is that what you're saying?

I think those roles have been interchangeable.

Have they?

Have and they have been, and they're successful.

Well, somebody please call in or chime in on this.

Effective, please, because it happens and it happens.

But is it effective? Like, you know, I don't.

I don't. I don't. I don't.

Can a father really stay home and be the mom and, you know, and raise the children and cook and clean and be a nurturer and do all those things? And we're not talking about penguins either. We're just talking about.

Well, I think. I don't think that's in the true nature, but I think in certain circumstances, you know, in situations, it happens. Like, like, you know, like widowers, you know. Well, that's, you know, that's a circumstantial situation.

Yeah. But even in those circumstances, like in antiquity, Right. When you talk about widowers or widower.

Right.

Or widows, rather, what typically happened in antiquity when someone transitioned or passed away. When a husband or wife passed away, what was one of the first things that the elders of the villages did?

Pulling somebody else to take on. Take on that role.

Correct. Because it can't be done by one person.

Right.

They were intelligent enough to know that it's ineffective for one person to raise children.

Right.

So therefore, they brought people in immediately to fill in that.

And that's, again, that's the village mentality.

Correct.

Right.

So in this modern day and time, it's asinine for us to expect people to be single parents and be effective, but we, but we live in a society where everything we do is ass backwards. Right. So straight up, so of course, in this society where everything's asked backwards. Oh, that's normal. Like, hey, single parents is a normal thing.

Yeah, yeah.

It's been normalized. It's more normalized.

You know, unfortunately, that's. That's true.

And, you know, it's. It's a travesty because we find ourselves spreading ourselves thin as single. I know a lot of single moms. I remember watching my mom as a single mom. You should not live a life like that.

You should not.

You know, it literally kills.

It does. It. Does.

It shortens your life. It raises your blood pressure. You know, you're. It's just. It's not good. It kills you. So for me, it's like, we should have, like, some type of a system in place where, like, single parents, like this government, you know, there should be some type of a Social Security thing where, like, if you lose a spouse, they find a way to replace that place.

Your spouse.

Yeah, like, replace, like, replace your spouse insurance. Like, some, like, somebody just shows up, hey, here I am. Like, you have, like, you have all your traits lined up. Like, I need this, this, this, this, this. That.

They just. Within 30 minutes, just.

Daddy, they just show up.

That would be. I don't know what that would be, actually. I don't know.

Yeah. I just think, you know, as single parents, it's very challenging, you know, and then simultaneously, you're trying to meet. And this is the thing, at least I've noticed with women as well, it's like there's this. And I get it, especially around, you know, black women, there's this pride around feeling like you could do it all, like being super mom, Superwoman.

Right.

I see it, but it's killing them.

I don't disagree with you there.

Yeah.

I do not disagree with you there.

Too many long nights crying in pain and agony because of the. And I experienced it because I'm going through it, right. As a single father, like, trying to figure, how am I going to do this? Because, you know, in my situation, we had an understanding. I worked as a provider.

Right.

I was like, hey. And it took me a while to get here because when I first began having children, I was a child having children, so I didn't know what the hell I was doing.

Right.

So. Yes. So it was very. There was a lot of mistakes that.

Were made because there's no. There was a lot of rulebook to being a parent.

Right, Exactly. So there's a lot of things that I didn't understand, didn't even know, didn't even have the capacity or the wherewithal to even know what to do in a lot of circumstances.

Right.

So ultimately, yeah, I was not fit to be a parent, but it was a circumstance that I put myself in because I didn't know any better. And you want.

You just had to wing it.

Just has to wing it. And it. And it's an experiment.

Yeah.

And the children end up getting a brunt. End of the experiment because they're, you know, they're being taught things or shown things that are, you know, ineffective. So then we go, you know, they don't know that. They don't know that.

They don't know that. All they know is what they have. And. And they don't. They didn't lack anything.

It's not about them lacking anything. But ultimately grow up developing certain behaviors, certain mindsets, certain things that I believe are shortcomings for them. And they may have some time. Figurative. That may have to undergo certain types of transcendence to overcome those things.

Like what? For instance.

For example, how I remember being a young parent, I would spank my children out of frustration.

Okay. I would just snap and just frustration, not discipline.

Yeah, it was frustration.

Okay.

It wasn't just a discipline thing. It was like, okay, you've done enough. Like, you just did that.

Like, I'm just snapping because of your day and how.

Exactly.

What's going on with you?

Exactly. So then I'm taking off, taking my anger out on them. My dissatisfaction with work frustration because you're.

A young parent trying to manage so much.

Exactly. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm frustrated. So now I'm snapping at the children.

Okay.

Because I'm just overwhelmed now. I'm just. I'm snapping everything that they do instead of being patient enough to talk to them and understand and teach them on how to, you know, change their behavior or give them other alternatives.

Yeah.

That's one example that I think I struggle with now as a. As a more mature parent, to be like, damn, probably could have been a better way of doing this, that you're just snapping and, you know, absolutely. Locking the children in the basement.

I'm guilty. Or locking yourself in the basement.

Right.

I'm guilty of that. You know, my son called me out. You know, he's like, mom, every time you talk to me, you're yelling.

Right.

Like, you. I'm like, because. I'm like, why you got attitude? He's like, because every time you talk to me, you're yelling.

Exactly.

But I'm like, I'm Yelling. Because I gotta ask you to do things multiple times. Like, it's like, that's the only time you hear me. He's like, nope, that's how you talk to me. So I'm like, okay, let me go back. Maybe I am. But I am frustrated. One, because he doesn't listen. I do have to say things multiple times. But I'm also got the. The world on my shoulders. I'm trying to figure things out. So maybe I am doing that. And maybe that could be why, you know, he don't talk to me as much as I want him to talk to me.

Correct.

Because I'm always parenting and yelling and.

Exactly.

So finding that balance is challenging, especially.

As a single parent.

Yes. Yes. So that is a struggle that I know a lot of parents have, single or not, just communicating and connecting with their children. Like, I think it's important, Very, very important for us to do that and to find the time, regardless of our busy schedules, to talk and find out what's going on with them, take them out. Take them out to dinner or something and just sit down and talk to them without it being something, you know, you yelling at them or, you know, disciplining them for. For something. Just. Just talk. I just, you know, I just want to talk. I just want to see what's going on in your world, you know, so we can learn a lot from our children.

Indeed.

I've learned that I could learn. I learned a lot.

Yes.

For my children. And just actually listening to them, because this world is. Is something else. It's not. It's. It's. You know, they are. They are. They have a different understanding than we do about a lot of things they do.

They're. They're a little bit more advanced, evolved.

And a lot of things we think our children are not ready for. They are ready for. They're ready for those conversations, you know.

Exactly.

There they are. And we gotta have them. Those most. The most uncomfortable conversations. We gotta have them.

Yeah. No, it definitely takes, you know, take. Takes us to being patient. Definitely, to not be stressed out.

Right.

And that's why, like I said, at minimum, you need those two parents in the household. Because otherwise you're always stressed out.

Yeah.

Because not only are you not, you know, as a single parent, Right. You're dealing with your children all day. You're dealing with. First you're dealing with whatever you got to do to provide.

Right.

Then you got to deal with whatever you got to do to make sure they eat, take baths, whatever you got to do. But then you also have needs and.

Find time for yourself. I thought to say that, like, Right. When do you. When do you make time for yourself?

Because when you have. Yeah, because when you have. Exactly. Because when you have a, you know, a partner, you can at least take a break.

Like, hey, babe, you got this Tag team.

Yeah, let's do this. I'm gonna go jump in the shower. Go do this. And the other. But when you're a single parent, you're doing it all. Yeah, right, Right. And then by the time you get into bed, you're exhausted, and then you got to get up and do the same the next morning.

Right.

So to me, it's like. It takes a toll on you, right?

Absolutely.

And especially if I can only speak for myself as a man, is that it really takes a toll on me. Because a lot of these things are not second nature to me. Being a nurturer in the same capacity is a woman is not second nature to me.

So what do you do with it? Do you just. I mean, it's not. It's not second nature to you, but you have to do it. It's like, no, do I.

That's the thing. Do I have to do it?

Well, do you. Is it. Do you feel like you have to do it, or do you feel like you have an option? Because, see, for me, I didn't think I had an option. It was no option for me.

Correct.

I have to. I have to get myself together. I have. You know, I didn't even have time to. To mourn.

Yeah.

You know, I just had to get, you know, get it together, hold it together. To take care of my boys.

Yeah.

You know, and I didn't have to. It just. There was no option. I. I have to take care of my children.

Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, so. And I knew I couldn't be father. I knew I couldn't teach them things that their father could have taught them. Correct. But I'm still gonna do my best.

Yeah, you're gonna do your best. But I think for me, as a father, as a man, I know my limitations. I'm not going to kill myself, but. Whereas women would.

Right? Yeah.

So that's the difference, I think, between. I think that's difference between men and women. Like, y' all will literally kill yourselves because, like you said, you have no option. So you will kill yourself. It was. For me, it's like, I know my limitations. I'm gonna either try to engage family, whether it's aunties, cousins, sisters. I'm just gonna be like, yo, whoever's in my community, I need help because I can't do this. And if y' all can't help me, I'm have to look at some other, you know, severe options because I. I can't kill. I'm. I'm gonna die, literally, because I just. I can't. Yeah. I don't. I'm mentally. I'm just not there.

Yeah.

That's just me personally.

It's a lot taking care of children.

Yeah. And then still having to work and do the things. It's just.

Yeah.

I'm a cry out for help. Like, yo, please. Please help. Because I can only do this for so long, even if I can even do it at all.

Yeah.

So I commend black women. I commend y' all because y'. All, you know, most men go get.

Milk and don't come back. Wow. Don't come back. That's why there's so many men on child support. You know, it's like, that's why so many men on child support, because they feel like they have an option.

You're like, no, I think men are just like, yo, I can't do this.

I don't know why. I don't know what that is. Like, why you feel like you have the choice? Like, I. Look, I ain't doing this. And like, oh, you have to. Like, we just have to do it.

I think that's the difference between men and women. Because, yeah, y' all have an attachment. You're like, yo, I.

This is my baby.

I carry this baby for nine months in my womb. There's that bond. There's. There's. There's an attachment.

Like, I ain't do that.

I have for men. It's a little easier. And all the men out there, I'm not trying to say you guys feel this way. This is just my perspective. I just feel like I remember, you know, you know, my late wife telling me one time, just her observation. She says she observed that men have relationship with their children through their mother. And typically, if that relationship with the mother is not good, they typically are not fathers to those children. I'm not saying that's the norm. There's exceptions to those rules. But typically, anytime a father leaves their children behind is because mainly it was the broken relationship with the mother.

I can see that.

To me, that was just an interesting, you know, perspective. And I've pondered upon that for years, and I've. And I see it, you know, over and over, time and time and over again. That's what I feel like Men and women are different, and that's why it's critical for me to have a two parent household. We got to figure out how to make that happen in the circumstances where, you know, someone passes away or there's someone is incarcerated, whatever. We have to have the infrastructure and the systems in place to allow this person to get support, whether it's from a. If it's a woman losing her husband, maybe it's a grandfather, maybe some uncle. Maybe it's however. Right. Maybe it's figuring out a way to get into some type of a.

So we go. So we'll create a parental. A parent relief program.

Some.

Yeah, we need that relief program.

This is how we begin to repair. You know, a lot. I hear a lot of talks.

That's not a bad idea.

Yeah, I hear a lot of conversations. Parent relief program, right?

Parent relief.

Yeah. Because I hear a lot of, you know, conversations about breaking, you know, generational curses. This is one of those things.

This is one of those things.

Maybe it's getting you into a. A speed dating program to help you find, you know, the right person.

Spouse.

Speed spouse program. You know something?

We ain't got time today. You. You in this. We doing this or not?

People connect to people that are looking for the same things.

Like.

Like I'm. Yeah, like I'm a widower, I'm a widow, and I'm looking for someone that's looking for the same thing.

Right.

Maybe get it, you know, maybe come up with an app or something to connect those people are looking for the exact same thing.

It's not a bad idea. We don't put it out there now we got to get on.

Yeah, you know, that's. That's intriguing because I just believe it's got to be. Yeah.

Because it's connecting people that's already looking for it.

Right, exactly right.

So, yeah.

Yeah. You know, that's very interesting. You list your criterias, what you're looking for.

You already.

You have already your profile, how many children you got.

No things you like, dislike, you know.

Yeah.

All those preferences or whatever, what you're looking for. Like, yeah, you may find all your matches and you choose. And y' all go. Y' all do y' all speed match or speed date or whatever.

And correct. Yes.

Your trial. Do a trial run.

Exactly right. And figure it out. Because, you know, as parents, we need as much support as we can, and eventually we got to figure out a way to build villages around our families. Right, Absolutely. And it should be critical for us to connect with one another and choose to live near each other as a. As families to where children. Where people are not.

Yeah. Right. We're not far.

We're not exactly. We're staying together, and we have that support. And we are communal because we are communal people.

I think we on to something. I think.

Conscious intercourse. Conscious intercourse, you know, that's. That's what we're doing. This, you know.

Yeah.

That's very interesting to have these dialogues that's going to help us transcend this physical reality and overcome a lot of the trials and tribulations, you know.

Yeah.

That we encounter and face with life. So with that I hear the. This tone, the music.

So soon.

Yeah. Right. Beautiful people, until next time, thank you for being with us. Conscious intercourse.