The Art of Letting Go... Ep 11

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Hey, what's up? What's up? What's up, good people? You are tuned into conscious intercourse on power 108.9.

Conscious intercourse.

Your hosts, Armand Kadima, Peace and co host, myself, Ebony and Appeal.

What's up, beautiful people? Conscious people. What's good?

How y' all doing out there? What's the vibe like? What's the energy like? How you feeling?

Right? How you vibrating?

How you vibrating? No, no. Yes. Yes.

Some people say the hump day.

Yes, it's something.

What does that mean?

It's the. It's the middle of the week. It's the hump that you got to get over to get to the other side.

Oh, that's what that means. Like a camel's home.

Like a camel's hump.

Got you.

It could be that.

Hump day. It is, right?

You know, Hump day. Hump day. Still in this retrograde, right?

Retrograde. Ooh, we Mercury, right?

Still in this Mercury retrograde.

Yeah.

Work through it for the energy familiar.

The energy has been crazy, right? The retrograde energy.

Yeah, it's. It's been interesting, right?

TV stopped working the other day, then. Phone been tripping, right? Laptop been tripping.

Out of whack. I don't know if y' all have noticed it, but pay attention to that. Around this time we mention that. See if you notice anything, right? See if you notice anything.

Communication is thrown off, right? My Uber Eats order is messed up. I'm getting other people's food. Literally.

Literally. That did happen.

Uber Eats has been screwing up everything lately.

Oh, man. Man, I'm blaming on the retrograde, right? I'm just blaming everything on the retrograde right now. Like, you know what? You know, let it go.

You know, your. Your husband, your hus. Boyfriend, wife, significant others, whatever it is, children. Everybody. Everybody tripping right now. Energy just off, stressing you the hell out. Like, everybody's stressed right now. Your boss, your job. Like, ain't nothing working right right now.

Blame it on the retrograde, you know.

The stock market, everything, inflation, everything, right?

Yeah. Just gotta just, you know, focus on the things you can control, right?

What is that?

I don't know.

Just something you can control.

Hey, you, yourself and how you react to these things.

I don't even know about that.

You. You let it stress. You. You let it stress. You just gotta learn to release and let go.

Release and let go.

Release and let go of what you can't control. Which leads us.

Let go and what? And let God, right? There used to be a song we should sing back in the days. You got to let go and let God have his way. Yo, we used to sing. We used to sing that song at church.

Oh, yeah, man.

Got to let go and let God.

You got to.

You know, you got to.

Because sometimes when you force things, you make situations worse. Jesus.

Take a wheel, please.

Take the wheel. Exactly. I can't no more. I just. I can't do it, you know, that brings us to today's topic, which is let go, you know, and how do you know when to let go?

You know, when it gets too hot.

Or when to hold on, when to fight for something, right? You know, it's. It's like damn if you do, damn if you don't, right? But how do you know?

How do you know, right? And why do you have to let go, right?

You know, I think you come to a point where you should let go when you feel it's. It's weighing on your. Your soul wearing. Weighing on your peace of mind, you know, just. It just becomes too much a burden to. To. To carry.

But what exactly are we talking about here?

Whatever. Anything. Anything that disrupts your peace.

Like your job.

Like your job.

How you gonna pay your bills?

Hey, figure something else out.

Let go.

Okay? Let go.

I'm like, yes.

Whether you. Your children got. Bye.

Let go the children.

Let go. Like, bye. I'm done. I can't no more. Y' all got it.

Let go the children. Let go the job. Lego that relationship.

Let go the relationship, you know, just let all go. No, no, no seriousness. Like, some things, you really have to just let go, you know, because if it weighs on your. Your, Your heart, your conscience, your peace of mind, it's not worth it. It's too. It's. It's too. It's. It's too much, right? And I think that's a sign when you came. When it disrupts your peace, it's a sign to let it go.

But how can your peace be disrupted? Isn't your peace like your inherent right to just be peaceful? Like, how can somebody else or something else take your peace away? Right?

Because it happens. I mean, it's. It's unfortunate. It shouldn't be that easy for things to come in and disturb our peace. But it is. It happens. Energy is contagious, you know, and it's transferable. So you got to try to remove yourself from those environments that's causing, you know, unrest.

But that unrest ultimately is within you, though, right?

Absolutely. So that's a discipline. That's all you're speaking of, a discipline to have self discipline, to not allow that.

So are these things the root cause of the distress?

We're not having self discipline or, I.

Mean, just because we're saying, okay, we gotta. We're blaming or identifying the source of our distress as these external things. The children, the husband, the wife, the job. Right, right. The Uber driver.

Right.

That messed up. You got the wrong order.

Right, right.

There's all the weather. Right. The stock market. Like, there's all these things externally that are happening.

Right.

That are causing your distress. Right, right, right. Can you really stop these things from happening?

No, you cannot, because these are the things that's behind your control.

Can you let them go?

Some things you can't. And that's. That's the part of deciphering what you let go, what you work through. You know, you have to. You have to know how to distinguish those things.

Okay, so how does that commence? Like, how do you begin to distinguish. What is the process? Okay, we talk about letting go. Like, how do you even. Like, okay, certain things you. I get it. You gotta let go. Right? Certain things you gotta push through. Like, how do you really know which. Like, what's what? Like, how do you know?

Let's start with relationships. Okay?

No, let's not go. Let's not go there. What? We gotta start with the hardest thing. Can we just do easy? Let's go down. Start with the hardest thing.

You start with the hardest thing and then you ease it out.

All right, we'll go with the hardest thing. Relationships. Okay?

Relationships. Now, we all know relationships can be difficult. Nothing, you know, nothing worth having is going to be easy.

I love that saying.

You know, I believe that.

Okay. I really believe that nothing worth having is going to be easy.

Right.

Okay, Got it.

But at the same time, you cannot not. You cannot allow it to disturb your peace.

You're.

You're, you know, you're gonna have moments, but it's like, okay, this is just too much. Like, we're always. We're always fighting.

Okay?

We can't come to common ground.

Yes.

You know, you come in with an attitude. We're giving each other the silent treatments. We can't compromise. Or should we compromise? What is compromise?

Like what?

Like, it's like you have to find when it's like, all right, I. I give up. I can't do this anymore. It's not worth it.

Okay, that's interesting. So you get to the point where it's not worth it. You're like, you know what? I don't want to do this anymore.

Right, right. The fussing, the fighting, the fighting, the lack of sleep. Because.

Yeah, well, yeah, that's got to go.

You know, because we know what happens when you don't sleep. Sleep, you know, that caused all type of issues and stress, you know, stress to take you out of here. Seriously. So are you going to allow somebody to do that? Stress you out that much? Were you sick?

Yeah.

You Know, you're stressing, no, you may love that person. You can love someone and let them go.

Let them go, you know, show them the door. Right.

You know, you can. You always trying to, you know, get somebody to see your point of view or always feel like you got to prove yourself to somebody and it don't matter how hard you try, they not gonna get it. They're not gonna see nothing past themselves or their needs and, you know, their. Their, you know, their desires. Some people can't see past that.

Indeed. Right?

Not saying don't try. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not suggesting that you don't try. But it's like when you get to that point where you've tried, you tried and you tried again, but how do.

You know that you've tried enough? Right? Right.

Mr. Producer? You know, when you tried enough, like I said, when it's just start to weigh on your way on your health, weigh on your mental health.

Okay.

You know, it's like breaking it down. What's, you know, what's easy, what's hard, right? And you got to. You got to, you know, decipher. All right? You gotta, like, make a list.

All right?

You know, the good, the bad, the ugly, right? Is the. Does the good outweigh the bad? Is it more hard than easy? And if the hard is. Is just too much, then that's saying, let it go.

So if it gets too hard, let it go. Is that what I'm hearing?

If there's too much hard and not enough.

But you just said. You just said that. What's.

Yeah, it's like weighing it. You know, it's. We fight too much. We don't have enough love. We don't have enough good times and good moments. It's like those things are out the door now. We look at each other, we come into the room, you know. You know, you. You always comparing it to what? In a relationship, you kind of always comparing it to how things were in the beginning, right?

Yeah.

You mean the beginning is just so blissful. It's just so beautiful. You see each other. You see each other, you light up. You just like, oh, my God.

Everything is easy.

Everything is.

And easy to talk, to have conversations, to find some place to eat, like, everything's easy.

Everything's easy.

You're, you know, like. Yeah, conversation was, as I mentioned earlier, you know, picking a movie, right? Picking a place to go, right? It's like you speak each other's words before they can identify. Exactly.

Right?

Everything is easy. Right? Then Life jumps in. Right.

And it's like, okay, which could be responsibility, responsibilities.

Exactly.

Right. You know, now you're. Now. Now the relationship has evolved into duty and responsibility.

The hard. The hard stuff comes in stuff. Right. It's like, okay, we got to pay bills.

Yeah.

Because we're out to help each other. Right. Or whatever. Right. Because typically we get a relationship, there's a. There's a sense of dependency on one another because we. Most people find themselves living paycheck to paycheck.

Right, right.

So financial survival or finance? You know, financial. So I guess I'm gonna say survival. Right. The ability to, you know, pay bills, to do all these things that are required of us to keep them more. Whether it's rent, mortgage, utilities, you know, gas, light, children, there's all these financial things. So when you're in a relationship and it's romantic and you're evolving, then the easy stuff is great, right?

Yeah.

Then the hard stuff comes in the fight. Finances.

And it's usually finances. You. Finance is usually the core of a lot of.

That's the hard stuff. Finances.

Relationship problems. Absolutely. It's finances.

Okay. You know, so finances is hard. So we're gonna say. We've identified that.

People. Yeah, yeah. To most people, I mean.

Yeah, financial. You know, we're in the age of financial bondage, in a sense, so financial hardship is a major challenge.

Absolutely.

So, okay, what else?

Just as people, you know, we. Space, right?

Oh, space.

You know, sometimes we need space. Space that is so profound, and we don't recognize it. It's like we around each other all the time. It's all so good. And it's like, ugh, there you go.

Yeah.

Oh, there she go. Oh, it's just him. No, it's just her space. Like, oh, maybe we just need. Maybe we need a little break.

Right. To miss each other a little bit.

Miss each other a little bit and that, believe it or not, it works.

So. Space, to me. Yeah.

Space.

That.

That's so giving each other time to process things. See, we are individuals. We cannot. We cannot, you know, just. Just disregard the fact that we all have individual needs. Even though we come together in relationships as couples and love each other, we still have individual needs and things that we have to process individually, you know, and we need space. Some time to do that.

Space to process is very critical. Right. Because things happen. You say things, you know, or you don't say things. One person likes to talk. The other person is real quiet. You know, they want to, you know, reserve things until they mull them. Over, you know, for three, four, five days.

But, but then, but even that, it's all on how you perceive that. Because some, like you said somebody could be talkative. The other person could be not. And you could be like, oh, you're giving silence. And it could not be that. It could be just. That person may not be the type that want to speak every time something comes to their mind. Like, like, like me, for instance. Like I, I like to process things. I don't like to speak, especially when I'm angry.

Angry.

When I'm angry or, or just, or frustrated. I don't like to speak out of anger or frustration. I like to process it because it can come. Whatever can come out my mouth in those moments just may not be the, may not be a good thing. It just may not come out right. You know, the way I want it to come across to come out. Because I'm angry.

Yeah.

You know, but if I, if I take a moment to just give me a beat, just let me process, let me go think about it first before I speak. I'm that kind of person. But not everybody is like that. Some people just like. And then it's like, all right, yeah, then I'm silent.

Some people process faster than others. You know, it may take you four days to process. Takes me four seconds, you know, processing. So I, I, you know, I get it out.

This is true.

Cuz I'll process it, you know, this is very true. So it's, it's getting to know the person. Right?

Right.

And learning to identify whether or not you being with that person is actually worth it. Right. Like you said, it's identifying. Is this worth it for me?

Right.

Is this beneficial for, like is, do I have to struggle right now for some type of better benefit down the line? Right. Because ultimately it also comes down to making a list of pros and cons. Right?

Right.

Are there more pros than cons in this relationship? Right.

Right.

And do they align with one another? Are these difficulties in the beginning? Right. Is the person receptive, willing to change and evolve? Right.

Right.

Those are a lot of different things. Right. Is this person just hard headed, not willing to adjust? Is it, is it always their way or the highway? Is it, you know, so there's a lot of factors that go into that. Only the person, the people within the dynamic can truly, you know, assess whether or not it's worth it or not.

Right? Right.

And then I suppose once you're able to do that, then you can decide whether or not it's worth sticking through or is it something that you just got to let go right now and let.

God. Because sometimes it could even just be a break.

Okay.

Right. Especially when you around each other all the time.

It's been around each other all the time. Not a good thing.

I don't know. It depends.

I think you're onto something.

I mean, I don't know. Sometimes, Sometimes people can grow. It's like being claustrophobic, you know, it's like, like I just let. Just, just maybe I wanna, maybe I wanna do something that you don't like for a minute or maybe, you know, you don't like certain TV shows, but you're always around and I want to watch my TV show, you know, you don't like when I'm chewing gum and popping in my gum, but I want some gum right now that I want to pop my gum or whatever. It could be something petty, something serious, but just having your space. Sometimes I think it's important and not saying that you could, you know, if you got a house, like, you go, you go over there.

The man cave. Go in the man cave.

Go in your man cave.

Yeah.

What's the woman's the she? The she shed or the she.

She just made that up because the man has a cage, a tent.

Oh, my God. Anyway, this is your space.

The red, the red tent.

Your space, whatever that is. It's like you should both respectfully allow that. And if it's. I'm going out with my girls, I'm going out with my guys.

Like, yeah, so that, so finding things to do outside of each other.

Yeah, let's. Giving each other some space, you know?

But why is that? Why do we need space, though? Like, you're so in love, you're feeling this person. Like, what do you need? Space. I'm so, I don't get it. Like, why do you need.

I mean, you could be in love, but you need space. Because. Why, what do you mean?

So is it naturally who we are that we. Yes. Need to separate ourselves from sometimes things.

Sometimes. And if you're speaking like, like attachment.

Like you brought up that word, attachment. We're getting too attached to each other. Is that it seems like that's a bad thing.

Like, let me say something. I don't mind. I don't mind that I like, I like attachment sometimes. Like, you know, I like to snuggle and be around my guy and just, you know, we do to stay at home, sit on the couch, watch. Right up under your T shirt, like right there. I, I, that's me. I Could do that. But all the time.

No, no, you want time to.

Sometimes. Not all the time, but sometimes, especially when you know and if you know you're mate well enough, you can feel those energy changes.

Okay.

It shouldn't even have to be a big conversation. You should be able to pay attention to things and know when it's time to just give you. Give your partner some space.

Okay, so, because. So is it matter that. That a lot of these issues could simply be related to space? People just getting like.

I think it's one of the issues.

I think claustrophobic or whatever you want to call it, right. The. The lack of space. Right. Because I'm just trying, for me, I'm trying to understand what is psychologically necessary as to why we need space. Right? Because I think a lot of us, I've. I've had that, you know, circumstance where I've been in a dynamic where, you know, I'm in love, I'm feeling good, everything's great. But then it's like a certain point comes about where it's like, you're getting on my nerves. Like, like go somewhere, right. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, like, I just want to be alone. Like, get off of me. Like, you know, I'm doing something right now. Like. Yeah, but what is. What is that?

It could be many different things for.

Many different people, but then you could go around and be somebody else and not feel that way. You just don't you want to be away from that person, that energy?

Perhaps.

But you know, for example, when I was younger and I was dating, I could be tired of this one person and they get on my nerves, but I want somebody else's. But I get around somebody else. I'm like, oh, this is great because it's new. Exactly.

So it's like once they get familiar and that's just how people are, you.

Know, so see, something gets familiar. Like it's like that toy, right? Oh, man. Tired of playing with this toy. Who. Naturally who we are. Possibly, that we need just variety and change.

Possibly. Or space. It. It may not.

But space has changed, though.

Space is. Space is change. But it doesn't necessarily have to be variety because, you know, when you say. See, when you, when you say variety, you know. Yeah. When you say variety. I'm not saying that, oh, you should have. Go out here and have. Sleep with multiple people or be with.

Just go have a dinner or, or.

Entertain multiple people, whatever, go to the movie. But those things. And if you're in a committed relationship you have to. You have to be responsible. Now we talk now, if we're talking about a marriage or committed relationship, then you have to.

Those words.

Hey, you know, not everybody are afraid of those words. You know, it's. It's. It's real life, right?

It's a man thing.

It's. I don't know, it's a you thing. Not everybody is afraid of that.

Right?

I'm just saying.

Can we take a poll in here? Is there a. Is there. Is there a poll? We need to install a pole in here. Not one of those polls that you're thinking about.

You're thinking about. Sometimes you just need space.

Space to do what?

To think.

People don't like. People don't like to think. People don't like to do that. It's called meditation. People don't like to do that.

And you need space to meditate, right?

You do.

You do. So it could. It could just very well be that. Okay, Meditating.

So once you go, okay, incorporate. So we need to incorporate space, right? So. So are these what we're talking about as far as space? Are these, like, tactics or techniques to incorporate in a dynamic where you find yourself overwhelmed or stressed with someone? Or are these some of the methodologies that you have to incorporate to evaluate whether or not this is worth.

Yes.

Maintaining or worth letting go?

I believe so.

It's like after you incorporate all these things, right? Whether it's like we talked about, you know, a good deal about space, we get that there's. There's other things as well, right? There's people talk about counseling, you know, guidance on figuring out, you know. Compatibility, Right? That's another great word, right?

Compatibility. Like, are we even compatible? You know?

Exactly. Because it's like, why do you have to let go and let God, right? Did you begin to let God?

Did you.

It's a great question.

Are you operating out of, you know, out of, you know. Lust?

Yeah, exactly. Love.

Is it really love? Is it love? Have we come to this point because the lust has. Has. Has run dry?

Is it dependency?

Is it dependency?

Right?

You know, is it. Is it just attachment or is it, you know, just loneliness? And you feel like you just want somebody there, then you just grow tired of this person and you just want somebody new. That it never was really love anyway. You were just lonely and trying to have somebody fill a void.

Exactly. Right? You know, compare me. Companionship, loneliness. So a lot of things happen, right? There is dynamics where people do things or don't do things, or you have expectations and people don't meet these expectations. So there's. You get to that point of frustration because of the presence of something or the lack thereof.

Right, right, Right.

Either somebody's not own up their end of the bargain, somebody lied, somebody misled you. So all these things, right, that occur when you reach that point, it's like you have a list of things that are causing you stress. Right. Is it, you know, are they cheating or are they always, you know, passing gas in the bed at night, time to go to bed? Right.

No. Are they, are they triggering something that's undealt with within you that you haven't healed from?

Exactly. So it's identifying these things. Like are you, is this person actually there to help you evolve? And like you said, deal past certain things.

Right.

Like, are you aware of those things?

Right.

What type of, how are they reflecting yourself? Because a lot of times what we see in others is a reflection of ourselves.

Absolutely.

So then how do you know? Is it letting go, perhaps you unwilling to truly face yourself? It could be like, is it, is this, is this situation harmful to you? Is it, you know, I understand letting go when something's detrimental harm, you know, when it comes to domestic abuse, like there's no tolerance for that at all.

Right, right.

When it comes to certain things. Right. If you have a commit, if you're in a committed relationship, infidelity or, you know, the lack of transparency or lying. Right. There's certain things to me I feel like are deal breakers, right. Based on your arrangement, based on your dynamic.

Right.

So outside of those things, other things that you're having issues with, detrimental to.

Your well being, that's what you have to process. That's what you need space and time to meditate, to process.

Yeah. And from a compatibility perspective, are you simply just incompatible? Were you, was there infatuation in the beginning? Right.

Right.

And then infatuation wears off and then incompatibility issues didn't arise. Are you truly incompatible?

Right.

Right. So there's a lot of factors that.

You know, that plays into whether or not you should let something or somebody go.

Yeah. But is it, is it letting go, meaning that you're kicking them out, or is it letting go just saying, you know what, I surrender. I'm just going to allow this thing to take its course. So what does that let go of me? Because it can mean a lot of different things.

It could be like, okay, that's what you have to figure out. You could be like, I'm a let God take the wheel. I'm gonna put this lead this in God's hand and just, just go. But if it's still, if it's still affecting your, your peace of mind, your health or whatever, then, then, I mean, let it go. Get rid of it.

Get out of it.

Get out of it. Yes, you can run fast.

So, so get out then.

Get out.

Yes. Oh, wow, really? So let's talk about that.

Let's talk about that. No, because some people need space. And what does the comments say? Yeah, somebody said, space my ass. Okay, well, you know, some. Hey, but then that could be, that could be somebody that got attachment issues, you know, because somebody hears space and it's like, oh no, they're gonna go mess with someone else. Or maybe it's someone else involved. So the insecurities that then, then you bringing up insecurities. And it could really just mean. I just need time to think. I just need time to process. It's just a lot happening so fast that I can't process. You're always around, so, so how do.

You process that in a one bedroom apartment, right? You're in a one bedroom apartment, right? You got bedroom, living room.

Communication comes in. And that's why I said paying attention to your partner, right? You have to, you have to pay attention. You can't just be so self absorbed that you're not paying attention to what's going on emotionally with your partner. You know, it's just, it's just, it's just noticing it and addressing it. Okay, I, I, you know, I noticed you've been kind of short with me lately. You, you know, got these one, one, one word answers. You know, you're not, you know, you're not as excited as you used to be. When I walk in a room, you just seem just, just real irritated. What's going on?

You know, Exactly.

It's just questions like do, do you need, you need me to go, you need me to go to my mom's house? Or, you know, you need a pass. A pass, A pass, A pass.

I'm gonna go to the amusement park. Hey, I want to go to Six Flags for a couple, you know what I'm saying? And get a free pass on all the rides.

Wow. Whatever it is, it starts with communication, right?

Communication is key.

Communication is key. Talk it through, you know, get this pass to this break, Michael. Let's, let's get this fast while we figure that out.

Let's take, let's take time, right, to ponder, to ponder upon exactly. About space. Wow.

We'll be back, y'.

All. Conscious intercourse.

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I'm sorry. Power 108.9. A station for the people. What's going on, y'? All? This is Tony Hightower and you are listening to Power 108.9 conscious intercourse. Yes, we're back.

We are. We are talking about letting go and letting God. And letting God. And how do you know when to let go and when to push through?

But letting go is like the most difficult thing ever.

It can be. It can be very, very difficult because.

It'S like you have these attachments.

Yes.

To circumstances, to out people, to outcomes, to the money. Right. These things are almost like life and death in some circumstances. It's like. Like with a job, for example, the job could be getting on your last nerves. It's stressing. It'd be stressing you out. Right, Right. Somebody yelling at you at work.

Disrespecting.

Disrespecting you, harassing you, harassing you.

Right.

You're not making enough money. This.

You know, somebody's getting paid more than you, doing less work than you.

But letting go means that you got to not figure out how to get a new job or potentially go a while without having a job. Right. And then, you know, you got to pay bills, you got your children, you got dick. You know, all these things.

Right, Right.

That's from a job perspective. But then we get into what we were talking about before the break. Relationships. It's like you have these attachments. You feel like you love and care for this person. Right?

Right.

But then it's like letting go. It's like no longer seeing that person. Right. You know, all those good things that you have with that person, you're no longer getting those. Exactly.

You know.

We'Re Marvin at.

That. That sexual dj.

Right? You're like. Exactly. You know, so you have all these good things that you're gonna miss out on by letting go.

Right.

You know, be familiar. Because literally when you get in, especially in these relationships, especially when they are long, you know, multi years, you actually become like attached to that person. That person is like your family. They're like part of you, you know?

Absolutely.

You know, all the exchanges, you know, have occurred, right.

It was like second nature. First time, you know, you get some good news, first thing you want to do is tell your partner.

Exactly. Call, text, right, whatever. So you gotta. You gotta like release and let go, all of that. Right. So I get it in a circumstance where someone is like very, very, like bad. Right. In the situations where. Because it's crazy thing about it is, even when people are abused and it's still a match, they're still attached to the good things. Right.

To the good things. Or the hope that they will change. Because sometimes people always go, they're gonna always be who they are.

Correct.

But you just love them so much and you just hope that they'll change. Like, I see better for you. I know.

And some people are actually are addicted to the bad things as well.

Very true.

Because they grew up. Yeah, right. People grew up traumatized. So subconsciously they recreate the same thing. Their known hells.

Absolutely.

I know Les Brown said that, you know, people are more comfortable with known hells than unknown heavens. Right. That stuck with me when I.

That's very true. Right.

So it's like, if you're in a known hell, how do you get out.

First recognizing that you're in a known hell.

Right. Recognizing and then letting go. Right. But letting go is just so difficult. So you have to go through. It's like a process that you have to go through. You have to go through this, you know, process of like shedding skin or, you know, apoptosis, I think that's the word. You know, when was the thing. When that caterpillar turns into a butterfly?

Yes.

Like you have to go through that process of. That looks. That's very ugly.

Right?

Ugly. It's painful, it hurts, but it's. But the butterfly is standing on the other end, you know, of the process. Right. So you got to be able to find the courage and the fortitude to recognize that this is the best thing for you. Right, Right. And once you get to that point, just gotta stick with it. Right. And you, you know, and be. That's one thing I've learned as well. It's being compassionate with yourself. Right, Right. Because you may, you know, you may fall back a couple times, you know, you'd be walking out the door, you know, and they smile at you like, hey, babe, where you going? You run right back in. It looks like the results of your poll are in.

Oh, really?

Oh, wow. Wow. That is like unfair. Wow.

Was that our. You actually put the poll up.

Wow. Wow. So three. So what. What exactly was the poll? Well, what exactly was the poll? Is this a good looking poll? Is this about who's better looking? What do we poll look about exactly here?

I don't know.

Right.

Hey, hey. They know what they talk about.

It's a lot of. It's a lot of ladies listening. That's all I know. Because they know brothers.

Hey, there's a brother's brothers.

No, I want no brothers. This is all the ladies.

You know, I'm curious, I'm curious to know the thoughts, though. Y' all call in China, you know.

You know, you know, brothers don't listen.

I want to hear what you're. What, you're. What you're relating and you know, brothers don't listen.

Brothers have adhd, you know what I'm saying? These. These all sisters listening.

Oh, really?

Yes. It was three brothers. They all voted for me. Literally. Look at that. Say, okay, brothers, let's go. So they're coming up. See, I'm waking up the brothers. Right. But what exactly is the poll, though? Let's revisit that because this is very intriguing.

I don't know. It is. Is. Is it? I'm curious to know.

So we're talking about Letting go.

We talk about letting go.

So I'm curious. We got to revisit that. Hey, can we run that back? It's a space, right? Because we have to. I have to be specific to understanding exactly what poll we're referring to.

Oh, okay.

Come on, come on. Stop it. That's not even real. Can't be. What are we polling here, producer? What are we pulling here? What are they. What are they pressing?

Oh, my goodness.

What are they pressing? Who created this poll?

Hey, I love it.

Okay, keep going. So what was the poll?

What's the name of the thing we.

Going through that messed up your Uber eats?

Yeah.

Oh, Mercury retrograde. Yeah, that's what that is. That's retrograde. It's gotta be, right? This is retro. Intrograde thing.

So, I mean, hey, we talking about letting go, right? So just so I guess, you know, what I'm saying is resonating with them, that's, you know, space.

Space. So, okay.

And not, you know, not the amusement park.

Oh, is that what it is?

You want to go to the amusement park?

So space and not.

Because I need space. Don't mean that you go, you know.

So space and not a pass. Space and not pass.

Right. Your past.

So, okay, so space but not a path. Yes. Okay. You know, I could dig that.

Right?

Can you?

Can you dig that?

To a certain extent. Like, what are we talking? Also, like you said, also depends on what is it exactly. Is the challenge in the dynamic. Right.

Right. Because I think, like I said, communicating and finding out, like, it's not. You have to talk to your partner.

Yeah.

You know, unselfishly and. And communicate. Like listening, like active listening. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not responding. I'm not communicating with you just to give you a response, but I'm actually listening to you not hearing.

But listen, I'm.

I'm not hearing, right.

Yeah.

I'm listening to you.

Yes.

You know, and. And when you listen, just apply it. Like, all right, you need space. I get it. Let me. Let me go.

Or go where?

Go anywhere. Or suggest that you go out or, you know, maybe. Maybe I'll do it. I'll plan for you to go, you know, to a spa day or go out with the guys or something.

Okay.

But get whatever it is that you need to do to get out of this funk.

Or.

Or maybe we just need to get out. Maybe get away from the children, because it could be. Take a vacation somewhere where we ain't. We're not working, where we're just. We're just talking to each other because. Dealing with our issues.

Because when you made that commitment in the beginning, it was because you believe that this person is.

If there was a commitment.

You know, I mean, most of the poll are things relating to commitment.

You think so?

Yeah. Because if there's a past, there's no issues of commitment. When the past. I guess this is so.

I guess this is true.

Because the only time sisters come out and be voting and polling is when there's a commitment issue. I mean, because they, they be. They'd be like, I want you to desire me and only me forever.

What's wrong with that?

Nothing wrong with it.

Are you sure you, you believe that.

Nothing'S wrong with that? I just, I just don't. I just don't see it working majority of the time.

Really?

Yeah.

Interesting.

You know, it happens for like, you know, a moment here, but something happens.

You know, this is the thing. This is the thing. We're human, right? We're human.

Allegedly.

We're going to be attracted to other people. You may have somebody like, man, you may be really, really tempted. But you, there's always a choice, Right. When you, when you, when you commit to a relationship, then you're committed.

When you're. Because I'm saying when you commit to it. Yes, Right, Right. Because at the time you make the commitment. Right?

Right.

You're in a certain mind state. You're a certain age, certain mind states, certain level of understanding. Right?

Right.

But we all know that people evolve and change.

This is true.

And from. We're in an information age. People are watching stuff on ign, social media, religion is being, like, discarded right now. And just like everything's being questioned right now, like how we as humans have been operating for the last 100, 200 years is being challenged to the core right now. Every facet of our dynamics are being challenged. You know, this whole transition from the age of Pisces into age of Aquarius is completely revolutionizing.

And you know what? That's not going to change. There's always going to be evolvement. There's always going to be outside influences.

Is correct.

But when you commit and when you decide that I'm in this with you.

Correct.

Then who cares about what's going on?

No, no, I'm just saying it's influencing you as well. I'm not. Because the thing about it is you cannot pretend that you're not impacted by the evolution of humanity.

Okay?

Right. You could sit in your box and say, okay, you know, like, I'm not gonna change. Or whatever, because of whatever the attachment of fixation you have. But you can't deny what's changing. Like people, when, when cell phones and electronics were introduced, some people were like, oh, I'm not touching that stuff. It's only a matter of time before you got on to the cell phone. You know those people that were bucking the system, but they're, they got cell phones now because we're who we are, how we, you know, we're always evolving. Yes.

Technology's evolving.

Yes.

Spirituality.

Exactly. Relationships.

Relationships.

Exactly. Everything's evolving.

But all I'm saying is communicate that'.

Things. Exactly.

You could honestly grow tired of like, you know what, I'm done with this. But communicate that. Yeah.

Maybe, maybe not done.

When you're in a marriage and when you take those vows.

Correct.

You're just in a committed relationship.

Correct.

Respect it.

Well, yeah, that's what I'm saying. But also respected by communicating.

Exactly. Correct.

Cuz to me, so, so when we.

Have issues and when we have hard times that we feel like we need some space.

Yes.

Still. Even in those hard and difficult moments. Respect the commitment.

Well, no, you respect it. Right. By being transparent and honest.

Yeah. So you saying, if you're saying, you know what, I want to go.

Yeah, get a pass. Yeah. You, you communicate that. But like, you know, babe, like, we've been at this 11 years, but I just, I feel different now. I'm. I feel like I'm evolved.

I evolved. I feel like I've evolved to not wanting. Desiring you.

No. To desire you and something else in addition to it. Perhaps. It could be a lot of different things. It could be, hey, I want to explore. I just, you know, it's like, then.

You go do that. You go, you go, you go. Like that's when you let go.

That's when perhaps, or perhaps, or perhaps it's time for you to also evolve and recognize what's happening within you as well. Because it's like this. These things impact all of us as humanity as a whole.

Yes.

So some people are, you know, very attached or fixated on certain ideologies that weren't even theirs. These ideologies were ideologies that, you know, are oppressors.

To say whose ideology is right. No, that's not about, it's not say that your ideology.

It's not about. It's right or wrong. It's about whether or not the people in the dynamic have evolved to accept other things.

Telling someone that they need to change or they need to not be fixed on something.

It's not telling them that. Not. It's not telling them they need to change. It's just everyone that we talked about earlier, everybody has to be self aware of themselves.

Absolutely.

And understand where these energies and these dynamics are coming from. Absolutely. Why do you feel the need to step out to own somebody, to feel like somebody's your property, like your mind, like your.

Even in that. Even in saying that? I think that's a. I think that's just one way of thinking. I don't think a marriage is owning something. Someone. I don't think a commitment is owning someone. It's. It's, it's coming together and saying, we're in this together.

Exactly.

And I want you to choose.

And then we're going to control how we each other by setting rules and boundaries around each other. Right.

Respectfully.

No, no, it's not about respectfully or not. It's. We're choosing rules. We're saying, okay, we're going to control each other this way. We're going to put disagreement in place.

I don't like the word control, but this just.

It is what it is. You may not like it.

It's called compromise.

Is it compromising? Oh, wow. I'm losing. I'm losing everybody, right?

Hey, hey, hey.

I'm a lone wolf out here, right. I'm a lone wolf out here, right? 310 to 1. So who.

So, I mean, hey, they can't be all women.

I don't know. I don't know what this poll is coming from.

They can't be all women.

Right. I don't know what it's. I don't know what we're polling on, but hey, right.

You, you and this ideology of, of, of. Of what you call it, communal and sharing and, you know, being. What, polyamorous?

I didn't use those words.

You did.

So you just came. You just made that up.

No, I'm just helping you, you know.

You'Re helping me clarify what I'm saying.

Clarify what you're trying to say.

What I'm simply saying is that in nature and who we are, this dynamic hasn't worked. There is in every relationship that we know of, majority of the time, there's some type of cheating that occurs 90% of the time. I can, I've met. I've been talking to a lot of men and women over the last 20 years of my life, from grandparents to my parents, you and I have had conversations. There's always infidelity. People want to hide it. That's cool. And protect being On Facebook and social media showing these happy pictures. But, oh, we're so happy we vacationed here. But then deep down inside, oh, somebody cheated at one point or another. Or he's making up for he's cheating. That's why he's taking her on a vacation, Right? So it's like it makes up for it. Oh, I cheated on you. But guess what, babe? Let's go to Hawaii and spend. You know, just ball out, right? Let me take you out and buy this new dress. So now we're gonna put it on Facebook. Look at. He bought me a G wagon. Oh, my God, girls. You know what I'm saying? But because he cheated on you, Right? But it's like, we can't deny that it's happening.

No, we can't.

So to me, it's like, why is it happening then?

That's really not being honest with you.

No, no, it's not. It's not. No, no, no. It's not about. So you think they're cheating because they're not being honest with each other.

There's no transparency there. Because if it wasn't, you wouldn't call it cheating.

Exactly. But why is their desire to go do these things?

I think that's different for any. Each. Each individual.

No, but it's happening, so it's so prevalent, though, we can't deny the prevalency of it. It's. So that means there's a side chick epidemic right now. Like, literally, there's women out there. All I'm saying is I. I don't know, but I don't hear the songs where people talking about side dudes. All I hear is side chicks. Right? There are women that are choosing.

Oh, you groping them.

Here we go. There we go. There are what? There are women out there who are choosing to be side chicks. Home wreckers.

Yeah, they are.

Like, literally.

Yes, they are.

Because why? It's like, you have women out here.

And that's the thing. And that's why it's so hard for relationship. Because. Because people are not respecting and valuing that commitment.

But why? That's what I'm saying. We get that. But why? That's. I'm trying to get to the why.

Is different for every. For every couple.

No, but it's prevalent. It's happening to 90. The divorce rate is as high as it's ever been. Like, it's not working.

We really need to address.

And the biggest thing is it's all based on. It's always. Infidelity is the biggest thing. People always Leave. And go do something with somebody else.

But that does not. That does not take away from the beauty of a monogamous. No, no. And. And committed marriage.

The beauty of it.

Because they're like.

Beauty is an IR. To beer holder. Right?

Absolutely. The beer beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

The beer holder.

Oh, my God.

Yes.

Yes. And. And there are people out there who wish to be monogamous. Everybody is. Is not just out here sleeping around and messing around.

By sleeping around and messing around. That's. That's two. Two different things. There's an extreme, right? There's people that have chosen to be in committed polyamorous relationships. True. Those people that have chosen to be in open relationships.

True.

Those people have chosen to be monogamous.

Exactly.

So it's not a one size fits all.

Exactly.

But we've been conditioned 100 of the time that monogamy is the only way. That's how we've. I mean, from every movie we've ever watched, every cartoon.

Schools, religion. I agree.

I agree. Everything.

I agree with that.

So people don't even know how to. That people don't even know that they have the option to create this dynamic as they see fit. See, the thing is, the only option.

Option. The thing is. Do what you please.

No, no. So I'm saying the option. So I'm trying to say. That's what I said. Option. Do what I'm saying. People don't have. So people. For example, I'm gonna talk about the freedom. Let me talk. Let me talk. No talk. I'm talking about men. First example. Most men will meet a woman, a beautiful woman. Right. Fall in love with her. Right. But then are afraid to tell her that they want to be open or that they want to because of the fear of losing her.

Right?

Right. So they're not. They're going to tell her everything she wants to hear. I've had people say, tell me. I had actually this conversation yesterday that women want you to lie to them. Them because they can't handle the truth. So men have actually adopted this philosophy that's been passed down in generations where they talk about women prefer when you lie to them because they can't handle the truth. So therefore say, tell me. I had actually this conversation yesterday that women. She wants you to lie to them because they can't handle the truth. So men have actually adopted this philosophy that's been passed down in generations where they talk about women prefer when you lie to them because they can't handle the truth. So therefore, exactly Even. I think somebody even told me recently that Nikki Giovanni said this. She wrote something somewhere saying that she's a woman, very renowned, you know, poet and author, writer. She said it, apparently, that women.

It's still a perspective.

That's what I'm saying. But it's like. But it's.

She can't speak for all.

But it's very prevalent, though. So what is going on? That's what I'm saying. So we're not talking about you personally, se. Or want. The.

I wouldn't even say you.

The minority. We're talking about the. I'm talking about the minority. See, it seems like this is a minority thing. The majority.

I think majority of women want to be. Want. Want someone that's honest with them.

Exactly. Honesty.

Give me. Give me the option to say whether or not I want to be in this or not by keeping it real with me.

Exactly.

If you want. If you want to be with someone. Okay, let me know. So I can then decide whether or not I'm going to stay in this.

Like you're going to let go.

Let go. Exactly.

But that's exactly right.

I think that's just the way it should be, you know?

Oh, no. Right. Hey, y' all changing your minds that quick, man?

Hey, you know, give me the option. And I know all women don't think like that. Please don't lie to me. I don't care what. What Nikki Giovanni said. Don't lie to me. I don't care. No, be honest with me all the time.

I agree with you.

Even if it. Even if it's gonna hurt me, even if I'm gonna cry and. Yeah, I don't. I don't care. I would rather hear the truth.

Yes.

Give me the option to decide whether I'm a. Stay in this or not.

You were in an Uber ride with me where the man told us that. Right?

What he tells.

Remember he was saying that he. He drives a Uber.

Oh, he says he Ubers Friday night. He dresses from his wife.

He dresses nice on Friday nights. Friday nights ago to go at the club.

Yeah.

So he could do his thing. And then I asked him, like, would you be okay with your wife doing. I was like, no. He's like, men are different. Men can do this. Women cannot.

Not.

Right. But this is a philosophy that's prevalent out here in these streets.

All kind of messed up.

We. Oh, yeah.

So it's, like, kind of messed up.

But then to me, it's like, the.

Why.

Like, why is that? That's the question for moi.

Because we have a lot of people being influenced by religion, which is very. This or that.

Yes. You know, so people are unaware of the. That they have options, actions. So. Because they only know one way of doing something. Right.

No, people are aware. No, they have options. They're afraid that this way is going to get me to God and this way is going to send me to.

No, it has to do most.

So it's like either either godlike or, you know, I'm gonna burn in the hellfire. Well, it depends also.

I mean, if you're Muslim or you just mostly Muslim is allowed. Right, in the Hebrew culture. No, I'm saying it's allowed. God will allow you to have multiple partners and you make it to heaven. Christianity doesn't allow it. But Islam and he, you know, Hebrew Israelites allow those types of things. And other, you know, Hinduism, other religions, traditional religions. No allow those things.

It's not all of Islam. No, no. I mean, it's not.

People choose within. People have the options in Islam to have. I'm not saying that they all do it. I'm saying they have the option. It's not out. It's not a. Like a sin to have, you know, multiple partners. Right.

It's not a sin. But it's. In this day and time, it's like, you know. No, it's, it's. It's not.

Because. Because. Why not? Because it's been influenced by.

Because most men are not capable of that. Most men are not even capable of handling one woman.

So it's the capabilities then.

So if it's a capability, it's a mindset. You know, a lot of people have abused that. You know, it's been, it's been fed by. By, By. By. By ego and by flesh. It's not necessarily used as what it should be used.

What should be used for the growth.

Of the, you know, the. The dynamic of community, of family, of. Of building, you know, wealth.

And so if, if it's done in that context, then it's cool. I'm just saying there. Which I agree with you. I think polygony or polygamy or whatever you want to call it. Right. Is purposefully for that purpose. It is mostly most people that could have. Could actually in historical days that had multiple parts.

We talk about historical days these days. Men are not mentally capable. It was all handling that.

No, no. Yes, they are. It's awful because they do what. They're doing it anyways. That's what I'm trying to share.

That don't mean that they're capable of doing. They're doing it, but it's not done under the right.

Right. You know, because they're. They don't know it's an option because they've been conditioned. We're in a society where that's taboo. So they don't know that they could do it in the open. So they're. They're doing it. It's happening behind the scenes anyways. They're doing it behind the scenes.

Yeah, it's happening behind the scenes, but a lot of things is happening behind the scenes. So let's come to the forefront, not being held accountable.

Let's be authentic. Let's bring it all to the forefront and be transparent.

Be transparent.

From the beginning. From the beginning.

So don't. No, don't. Don't mislead somebody. Let somebody know who you are and what you believe.

But the thing about it is, in our societies, people are evolving, so they don't really know who they are in the beginning because they're evolving and figuring themselves out. So you have to be able to be aware and understanding that people are. Things are changing.

Absolutely.

We're in a. We're in a day and age where people are now just learning that they could be. They could choose the top.

And when you're in a committed relationship, regardless of what's changing you, you made a choice that I'm in this with you. We're both. We're both changing. We're both evolving. But even through that, we're sticking by each other. We're communicating and being honest with each other.

Exactly. Exactly. And because I've heard women say, oh, I've heard some women tell me, hey, like, another woman is not an issue. Just be. I'll let you have another woman because you and I have something that we've committed to. We've committed to each other spiritually, to be with each other. Thick and thin. Another woman is not. Not gonna do nothing for me. As long as you and I are still what we are, then that works. I'll let you. You know, I was like, okay, that's interesting. So you got a lot of different perspectives and ideologies. Some women. Some women be like, yeah, I need the help around the house. I got these seven, eight children. 10, 15 children. Yes. It'd be good to have two, three other women here helping me with you. So it's not all on me.

To each his own.

No, I get it. I'm saying to each his own.

I'm saying, no, but I get it.

But you got to pay Nanny a bunch of money. But the thing about it is, all I'm simply saying is there's.

It's all about you got to take care of all these women. Different needs, you know, That's. That's a lot to attend to.

No, but like I said, it's be. It's happening behind the scenes anyways. Hey, most men are doing this anyways. Behind the scenes.

Listen, y', all, you know, be trans. Let people know who you are and what you're about from the beginning. Communicate. If you're in a committed relationship, things are going to get rough stuff. Communicate. Right?

Yeah.

Talk it through. You need space. You need space. If you need us, you need a pass. Communicate it.

Right.

Communicate that.

Then. Compromising. Right.

Compromise, you know, perhaps.

Right. But.

But. But take into account what your per. What your partner is going through. Don't be selfish, you know?

Yeah. It's vice versa. Right. Everybody's got to be accountable for the other department, what they're going through, Right?

Absolutely.

You know.

Look at this. Yeah, this is interesting. We're gonna have to touch on this poll later.

Yeah, this poll is very, very. This scoreboard is lopsided, man. This is some. This is some merchant.

Next show, y'.

All. This is some ish right here.

The final A. Hey, hey.

Exactly. You blew me out. I like the sound of that. Conscious intercourse.

This is the problem right now, man.

You said it, men. You blew me out. I was like, okay. Conscious intercourse. We're going to blow it out the waters anyway. Yo, Once choose love, y'. All.

Always choose love. Always in any situation. Situation. Choose love. Not fear.

Take care. Peace.