The origins of your host Armand Kadima pt 2... Ep 2

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Is there a such thing as a work husband or work wife?

They say, you know, you my work husband. No, the hell I ain't no chicken nuggets. None of that. I cannot be relied on at work for your ass.

I wish a woman would come to me, be like, that's my work husband. I'm like, no, he's not.

Power 108.9, especially for the people. The opinions and views expressed by this program are those of the program, program host and guest and do not necessarily reflect the views of Power 108.9 and its officials. We hope you enjoy beautiful people, ascended people, conscious people. Welcome conscious intercourse. Armand Kadima, your host, along with Ebony Emma Peel. We're back.

We are back.

We're here.

We're live and live and direct.

Indeed, indeed.

Ready to pick up, pick up where we left off. Such an interesting show.

Yeah.

Getting to know Mr. Kadima.

The inaugural show, right?

The inaugural show. Yeah, the inaugural show. You know, getting a good introduction of who you are and.

Yeah.

Where you come from. Your journey.

Exactly. You know, left some controversy on the table a little bit.

You know, you just, you just going kind of hard with the, you know.

With certain things, huh?

It's all good, though. That's what. That's what it's about. Right.

Certain things we're not going to reiterate.

It's okay.

All right.

You know, we wanna, wanna. We don't want to keep everything cool, calm and collective.

Indeed, indeed. We trust. Everyone is lovely out there enjoying this amazing, amazing weather, as most of us that are here in the Northern Hemisphere.

Yeah.

Or if, you know, realizing heat. Heat waves.

Yeah. You know, this heat. This is. This is that Southern heat. This is. This is hot.

Yeah.

But I can't complain. You know, I'm moved here from Chicago, so.

Indeed.

I'll take it.

Where are we?

We are. Where are we? Right. Where are we? I'm everywhere, my friend.

We're on the web. We're online. Yeah.

We in the atl.

That, too. That part.

Georgia. Atl. Georgia.

That part Right.

Where it's hot.

Hotlanta.

Hotlanta, indeed.

Indeed. You know, it's been a beautiful, you know, couple weeks, you know, reflective.

You.

Know, touched on a lot of different, you know, topics. Conversations on the last. The inaugural episode, the inaugural program, and really, you know, laying down the foundation of what conscious intercourse is and how it's come to be what it is. You know, mostly it's been my journey. Our journey, rather, you know, because I am part of the whole. We are one. Our journey as a people. Just from my perspective, you know, from my experience and just sharing, you know, my perspective on things, on reality, as we call it. So we shared a lot about my background, you know, origins in the Congo, journey to America, you know, some. Some tragedies along the way.

Yes.

You know, the transition of both my parents and then my siblings and I just having to figure out what life looks like from that point forward.

At the age of 18 for you.

Yeah, I was 18.

So much.

Indeed. Right.

So both your parents, you know, being, you know, the head of house.

Yeah.

Taking on the responsibility of taking care of and protecting your siblings.

Exactly. Right.

Yeah. That's a lot.

Yeah. At 18 years old, it's like, here I am. I'm the. I'm the eldest of the three of us, and we're just, you know, my sisters are still in high school. I'm in freshman year in college, and it's like, where do we go from here? So it was.

So where did y' all go from there? You said. I think you said last show, that they. Your uncle stepped in and helped.

Yeah, you know, my uncle, my mom's younger brother, you know, he was around. He stepped in, but it was. I Think I touched up a little bit about this. But it was a challenge for him to come in and. And an attempt to raise two 16 year old, you know, young women.

Because he had children of his own as well.

Yeah, I think, but he had like a toddler at the time. Younger child. Yeah. So it was quite of a journey because you, you know, you have, you know, teenage girls at six.

So you, you chose not to go. Like, what, what made you stay behind?

Well, no, I chose to go. So my sisters and I, we had a conversation, we huddled and said, hey, I offered to drop out of college and for us to just get a place together and just figure it out. But they was like, nah, bro. Like, you got a football scholarship. You're, you know, you've. One of. You've been wanting to play football for, you know, your whole life. This is, you know, this is your thing. You're in college, you're playing football, you're doing what you want to do, what you've always wanted to do. So go do that. Yeah, it was very wise of them to actually, you know, have that, that fortitude at that age to be able to empower me, encourage me to pursue, you know, college and, you know, pursue my football career. So. So yeah, the agreement at the time was that they were gonna stay and, you know, move in with my uncle and let it be what it was. But unfortunately, that didn't last too long. I think a few months later, they. They kind of fell out. My sister's. My uncle fell out and my sisters are out on their own.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

And they were how old?

16. I think they just probably were about to turn 17. Yeah, so 16. 17. Ish. So, yeah, so they ended up having, you know, 17 years old. I don't even know how they got an apartment, you know, but back in the days, they just, they figured it out. So they, you know, I went to college, you know, pursued my college education. Education and, you know, played football and they, you know, they remain. What you mean? What kind of question is that?

A question, A real question.

You ain't heard of me yet. Damn. You said. You said that like that.

I heard it.

Like you ain't see these highlights on espn, huh?

Damn, I missed it.

You clowning.

My bad. I missed it.

Man.

That's a shot right there. Was that. Was I any good?

I'm just saying, I got. I gotta ask. All black people wanted to know, you know, I'm black.

Of course I'm good. Oh, what you mean?

Oh, okay.

You know, I did my thing you know, did my thing, you know, know my excuses that I got hurt, you know.

Hurt. Excuse. The injured. The injury. Wow. The injury.

Dang.

Just a prominent. Just. I mean, he was on your way, man.

You coming for me right now on. On Live on the Airways.

It sounds like that was your. Your safe haven. That was. That's what kept you going.

I mean, yeah, you know, football. Football was, you know, it's. You know, it kept me focused on. On a goal. Right. You know, out there with teammates, know, pursuing, you know, what I enjoyed, what I had passion for.

Okay.

So, yeah, you know, I did my thing for Valley State. Shout out. Wildcats D. Right.

The injury.

Yeah, about. About that.

About that injury.

All right, fast forward, fast forward.

Injure. What we injure.

You know, just saying it was a little, you know, a little knee injury.

It put you out the game, huh?

It was. It was rough, man. You know. You know, you tear the major ligaments in your. Your left knee, the three major ligaments in your left knee. But I did. I thought I came back, did my thing, you know, but it got to the point where I just lost. Lost love for the game. I think I had, you know, not having the type of support, you know, family support, you know, my mother not being there, my father not being there.

Wow.

You know, really nobody else. You know, my sisters were younger, so it was like the games, you know, I will see all my teammates, you know, embrace their families after the games. And I was just, you know, that's important. Yeah. And I would just be there by myself, just, you know, kicking, you know, kicking dust, you know, kicking the dirt.

Like nobody cheering you on.

Yeah. You know, so it was, you know, it got to the point where it was just. It was challenging, but, you know, I did my best. And my junior year, I just, you know, kind of hung it up. I said, you know, I needed to focus on what seemed like more of a promising career, you know, hitting the books and figuring out a way to earn a living once I finished school, you know, make sure I had some, you know, a way to put, you know, money on the table, food on the table, rather on top of the money.

Money on the table. You can put the money on the table. Yeah, that's smart.

Yeah.

So you didn't have that, you know, basketball, I mean, football career, you know, I mean, it's. Figure out another way.

Yeah. You know, you gotta have that plan B, Right. You know, playing a football, the NFL that, you know, that just didn't. Didn't work out. But I made sure I focused on plan B and got my degree. You know, I walked. And while in college, interestingly enough, you know, I met a young lady who ended up becoming someone I married.

Okay.

So that was probably one of the best things that happened in college, you know, in addition to the degree. Yeah. So.

So what year? What year? College year.

Wow. Asking the year, too, right?

I mean, like your freshman year. Sophomore. Junior.

When I met her. When I met her.

Yeah. When you took on, you know, got married, like.

Well, I didn't get married to. After college.

Okay.

You know, but we were, you know, we were pretty serious, though. Yeah, we're pretty serious. You know, we met, you know, fell in love in college. And in the midst of all that, there was, you know, some controversy, some drama.

Come on. Drama. What's the juice?

Yeah. You know, I ended up conceiving a child in college with another young lady that. That was not the one that I was about to marry. Yeah. So things got really, really exciting.

He was having too much fun in college.

Oh, man. You know, middle little country town with nothing to do, but.

Yeah, I remember that drink. Yeah.

Smoke, party, extracurricular activities. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I remember those days.

So, you know, things happened and it was a. It was, you know, it was. It was a learning experience because I. I was having a child.

Yeah.

Yeah. With the woman who was not the one that I was with.

So how did that. What kind of told. Did that take on your relationship?

Oh, man, it destroyed the relationship, essentially. It was. It was rough. You know, we, you know, you know, we figure it out. We.

Were you not happy? Were you just having fun? There's just some random. Random.

It was just random. It was, you know, it was just. It was something that just. It was just, you know, it was. She was a friend of mine. We had class classes together. So it just happened to be one night. You know, I got into it with my girl and.

Oh, it was. It was revenge.

No, it wasn't revenge. It was more like stress relief.

Wow.

Stress relief from, you know, so, you know, some people. People pop Advils. You know, people drink. You know, people smoke. You know what I'm saying?

Wow.

Yeah. Me, you know. What did Marvin say? You know, I needed some healing. I needed some healing that night, you know, Marvin. Marvin, you know, knew what time it was when he. When he put that on wax. And then it just, you know, and then it just turned out to be what it was.

Yeah.

Yeah. But, you know, beautiful thing came out of it, you know, conceived the child, you know, beautiful baby boy. You know, even Though it caused, you know, I think for me it was more of a learning experience, you know, learning how to balance two women and their personalities and their emotions and actually, I didn't learn how to balance it. I failed miserably.

So. So she, she.

So I felt miserably.

So she decided to stay with you.

You through all that she did on.

Her st by you? Yeah, well, yeah, I guess.

I guess you could say I had it on her. But we got into it and we weren't really. We're not together.

Oh, so y' all broke up? You didn't say that though.

I mean. Yeah, I guess you could say it like that. It wasn't. Was it a breakup? We were just like, cool.

We were just in your head. Y' all were broke up, but not in hers.

No, we weren't broke up. We were just. We're talking, right? Then we just stopped talking. That's what it was. You know, you talk and then you stop talking and then you talk again. So in the midst of us, stop talking. Yeah, we had a disagreement. We had a disagreement and we stopped talking for a little while. And when we stopped talking, you know.

Yeah.

Some action occurred, right?

Action. Some action.

So, yeah, so we ended up, you know, staying together and working. Working through it. And, you know, once, because I graduated that year and once we left school, we moved to Atlanta. And, you know, we always talked about going to church, right? So we, like our first week in Atlanta, we decided to go to church. You know, the church that I. That I attended prior to going to college. So, you know, I was, you know, I had a pretty, what I consider a good relationship with the minister there. So I go to the church and he's not preaching. This minister that I have a relationship with, he's like a, you know, I remember him as being like a father figure. I remember he helped me raise the money to. To help bury my mother. So, you know, he was, you know, he was a stand up guy, you know, but then he wasn't preaching. I walk in, I'm like, yo, where buddy at? You know, some other dude up there? I'm like, yeah, some other dude up there. Where my dude at? Where my guy at? Yeah, and so, you know, we did the church thing that morning. And then after church, I see him, he runs up to me, he's like, hey, you know, I see you. I'm like, hey, you know, how you doing? You know, we used to call it, you know, brother, how you doing, brother? So and so I'm like, I'm doing great. It's been a long time. I'm graduated. I'm a grown man now. You know, I'm back home and decided to come back to church. Church, right. And he's like, great, great to see you. He's like, I see you with a woman and a child. I'm like, yeah, yeah. You know, I'm with the woman. And, you know, she, you know, she has a child and we're together. He's like, okay, y' all living together? I'm like, yeah.

So she had a child already?

She did, yes.

Okay, so this was not your child?

This is.

So you wasn't with your child? She had her child prior to you getting together?

Indeed.

How old was her child at the time?

The times, I think she was like three. So you came right in around two weeks. She was like. She was. Yeah, she was two. Yeah. No, actually, she was. Yeah, she just turned three, actually. Yeah.

Okay, so now you got two children.

Yeah, exactly. Yes, yes. You know, yeah, that.

Okay.

Oh, responsibilities. Exactly.

So you moved to acl and of course you left. Left. Left your son.

Yes. Yeah, he actually. Yeah, well, she went home. I didn't leave. So she went home to have the child.

Okay.

And because she actually, she didn't come back to school that following semester after, you know, the incident occurred.

The incident occurred?

Yeah.

She got pregnant.

Yes. Literally, like. And it's crazy, you know, it was like a one time thing with me and her. Like, it was the first time ever and the only time. And it was just. It was. Was meant to be. You know, we came together specifically to create this child.

Okay.

Yeah. So. So, yeah, so he, you know, going back to the minister, he's like, are y' all living together? I'm like, yes. He's like, no. Paul said it's better to marry than to burn. I'm like, paul? Who's Paul? I was like, oh, Paul from the Bible. My father's name was Paul. So I was just like, you told.

My daddy, he ain't say that.

My daddy's saying that. I'm like, he's like, it's better to marry than to burn. I mean, that struck me. I'm like, damn. Like, he's like, he's like, you shacking up? And that's, you know, that's against, you know, Christianity.

Yeah, it's not Christlike.

It's not Christlike at all. Well, I'm gonna leave it. Okay.

Go ahead. Go ahead. Tell us how you feel.

Well, I don't know. When you said Christlike, that's.

That's That's Christlike. That's what Christian.

I don't think Christ was smashing. I don't know if that was the case. So I think everybody that's out here smashing isn't Christlike. What I'm saying. I'm just saying. I don't know. So anyways, you know. Yes. It wasn't Christ, like, you know, So I was like, all right, well, you know, we're gonna. We're gonna do this. We're gonna. We're gonna have to really reconsider shacking up and whether or not this is the right thing to do. Yeah, it seemed that way, right? I'm just like, man, like. Because I'm looking at her like, damn, I'm the one that brought you here to this church, you know? And now it's like we got a conundrum on our hands.

Not a conundrum, though.

A conundrum. I don't even know how to spell it, but I can say it. Somebody recently said con. Dundrum, and I was like, yeah, conundrum, conundrum.

So what is it? Is it. Is it conundrum or conundrum?

I thought it was conundrum.

Okay, so now you got to break it down. What does it mean?

It means some issues.

Oh.

Some problems.

Okay.

You know, some things we must figure out. Right? So. So we. You know, we. We had some conversations, and then he was like, oh, you know what? I. You know, I offer premier counseling classes. You know, it'll be this much. I'm like, damn. Like, it's a hustle now. This one turned into a Paul thing, and that was like, a hustle to get these services. Premier to marriage counseling. I'm just like, damn, son. For real. Sun done.

That's a lot. That's a lot. That. Take that he wasn't ready for.

I just, you know, for me, it was like. I just. I just got back in town. I'm trying to get a job. I'm trying to pay some bills. I got two kids. I got a woman. Like, I'm just like, now you trying to hit my pockets for this, you know, thing I didn't even really was planning for. So I was like, all right, I. I don't want to burn, right? That. That. That. That. That burning thing that right there is. Those seem like fun, you know?

Know.

So, you know, we decided to go through marriage counseling. So we go through the marriage counseling, and, you know, eventually we get to the point we finish. We're like, all right, we're ready to get married. And then it's like, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. The church won't let us marry in the church. Why not? Well, they won't let this particular minister marry us. Apparently, he was being unchristlike with other women.

Oh, wow.

So those. Some controversy in the church going on in the pulpit. Yeah. So I'm sitting here like, yo, you trying to get me to get married? And you can out here smashing. You out here smashing congregation. That's what I'm saying. You know, you out here making Sunday.

Calls, you know, private Sunday class.

Yeah. You know, I will study, you know what I'm saying?

Wow. But this somebody you looked up to?

I did. You know, it's. So it was. It was quite. It was, you know, as a young man, not really having a father, you know, not. Not from here. So I really didn't have a lot of elders or, you know, male figures that I could really, you know, reach out for advice. He was one of the ones, only ones that I, you know, really had. So it was.

How did that make you feel? How did that make you feel, taking advice from somebody who was being unchristlike?

I just, I didn't even really process that. It was just. It was also sudden, you know, it was just like, you know, it's like I looked up to him. I, you know, I, you know, I knew who he was as a person. You know, I knew his family. So, you know, I thought he was a good man. So I just, I didn't want to judge him, you know, or to try to, you know, we all make mistakes, right? You know, and I. Because I understand it, you know, I mean, here I am, you know, I got my own little situation going on, right? So I wasn't going to be judgmental. I, I, you know, I just. We just figured out we found another church that would let him, you know, officiate us. And we did that. Right? Got married, actually, just. Just did it. We kind of just went through the motions because it. Personally, I felt like I wasn't ready for it. Neither was she. We just, you know. Yeah, just did it. And then, you know, it's started, you know, the American dream, right? You know, we get. We get jobs. Her and I both get jobs. You know, we were working. We're, you know, she eventually gets pregnant within a. Within a year. So here we are, we're starting a family, right? We're pursuing the American dream where we're going to church on Sundays. I got a corporate America job. You know, she has a job, you know, I guess corporate America job. As well. So we both got corporate America jobs. You know, we have children, we're going to church on Sunday, you know, we're working on building a, you know, a white picket fence, know, around the yard.

Yes.

You know, we're doing, you know, living it up, the American dream. So, you know, times past, we, you know, have additional children. We had. Have twins. We ended up having conceiving twins, you know, and we. We jumped to, you know, four children and then me, five. Right. So here we are. I'm. I'm in my mid-20s, 27, 28, you know, five children on child support. I'm really living the American dream. I'm in all the databases, you know what I'm saying?

Oh, baby mama put you on child support, man.

Child support.

Wow.

You know, some in all the databases. I'm really, you know, realizing the. The American dream, you know.

Yeah, he's starting to get the hang of it.

Yeah. You know, the black male in America, you know, dream, you know, I'm realizing I'm living it in living color, as they would say.

Yeah.

You know, so I'm doing my best to, you know, to hold it down, maintain work, you know, just, you know, time. Time goes by where, you know, just learning, figuring this whole marriage thing out. You know, we have our ups and downs. You know, we have our moments, our disputes. You know, we also have our happy times where, you know, are great. You know, we're.

I hope so.

You know, we're taking the children to the park. You know, Saturdays, you know, we go to Stone Mountain. You know, we go. Do we do the firework shows on fourth of July, you know, we're doing all that family stuff, you know? Yeah. You know, so we're. We're doing the best that we can.

That's good.

And the next thing you know, it's like, I don't like you. I don't like you either. It's like, what's going on? What just happened? Right. You know, we're, you know, I'm working 60, 70 hours each week. She's at home with four children. So we get home, we're like, yeah.

Yeah, that's a lot.

I'm trying to run away. I get home, I'm trying to figure out a way to go hide in the basement somewhere. And she's, she's, she's. And she's in my spot. I'm like, what you doing hiding in the basement? Like, this is my spot. Both trying to hide. Right. Cuz, you know, running from the children. Running from the children. The Responsibilities, you know, take a toll on the relationships. You know, this. You know, the. You know, you're working, you know, you got school for the children. You're, you know, it's just paying bills. You're taking on a lot. Yeah. You know, working for Georgia Power, you know, working for, you know, Wells Fargo Dealer services, you know, working for the landlord. Right. Because you're working just so you could pay these people.

Yeah.

Eventually. Just takes a toll on your relationship because you're. You're always frustrated. I'm all, you know, it's just one of those things where I'm always like, I got bills in my mind. I'm sleeping. It's bills, bills, bills, bills, bills.

You know, got five kids. You got five kids.

You gotta be here. Five kids. Child support, out here. Trying to suspend my license every other week.

Better figure it out.

Yeah, yeah. Got to the point. It was just stressful, so I'm irritable all the time. You know, she's stressed out because she's at home with the children all day, and she's like, I'm not having adult conversations. She's just talking to babies all day. Just got to the point where we were just at odds all the time. And then she's like, oh, let's. You know, let's. Let's figure something out. Let's. Let's go to marriage counseling. Let's do something. I'm like, all right, whatever. So eventually, we go to marriage counseling, and in the first session, I get diagnosed with anxiety disorder. I'm like, damn. Like, I'm retarded now. Like, straight up, like, actually, I think my children tell me I'm not supposed to use that word anymore. Yeah, yeah. I said, that's insensitive. So I'm mentally challenged.

That's what. That's what. Anxiety. That's what you got from anxiety, that you're mentally challenged?

Yeah. So, you know, the gentleman told me that I was. It was probably due to some type of chemical imbalance in my brain.

You were taking on a lot, you know, he had a lot of pressure on you, yo.

Yeah.

You know, trying to figure it out.

Yeah.

Taking on a lot, you know. You had a lot of pressure on you, yo?

Yeah.

You know, trying to figure it out.

Yeah. So I'm like, anxiety. I'm like, damn.

That's normal in the black community.

You know what? That's one of my homeboy said, because I hit my homeboy who doesn't have my homeboy up. I was like, yo, they said, I got this white man Said I got anxiety.

Yeah.

He's like, bro, you're black man. In America. What you mean? Like, every time the police pull up, you got anxiety. I'm like. He's like, yo, you're a black man in America. Of course you got anxiety. I'm like, damn.

So I'm like, all right, that's it. Okay.

Yeah. So, you know, after about six months, I'm like, man, you know, you know, my wife, you know, her name was Yolanda. Yolanda was like, yo, yeah, you may want to consider that because, you know, I've been googling it, and that sounds just like you. This got your picture right next to anxiety. I was like, damn. Like, for real. So eventually, after a little while, I decided to get on, you know, I guess they prescribed me some meds. I started taking anxiety meds. I, you know, I fulfilled another, you know, American dream checklist. You know, prescription pills. You know, I was like, graduate from college, Check. Get married, check.

Child support.

Get on child support. Check. Prescription meds, check. I'm saying. So I got that one. You know, I checked another box.

Yeah, that's. That's a lot. That's a lot. That's a lot. That's a lot to take on so young, so early.

Yeah, you know, so, you know, I hear the little, you know, hear the sound coming in.

We're gonna take a break and come back to his anxiety issues and find out how we get conscious from here.

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A station for the people, mental health awareness. Let's make our mental health a priority. This is Dr. S and you're listening to Power 108.9. Hey. Hey, what's up? What's up, y'? All? We back with conscious intercourse with Armand Kadima. Getting a little inaugural conversation. We still dwelling on the, the whole, the whole way.

Conscious.

And of course was brong about, you know, and Armand's story and how we, how we got here.

Indeed.

Talking about his marriage. The ups, the downs of marriage so young with children going through marital counseling, you know.

Exactly.

Anxiety and anxiety. Mental illness, man.

Mental health. Mental health is so, so, so important.

You, you, you, you know, I think anxiety plagues us all. We all, we all deal with a.

Little bit of that. Yeah.

You know, it's not, it's not necessarily a mental illness or, you know, it's. Yeah, it's how we cope. It's how we deal with trauma.

You know, I mean, I hear that. I just never thought that. I thought I was normal.

You don't know. That is, that's the point. That is very normal. Anxiety is normal.

He said I had a chemical imbalance in my brain that needed to be fixed with drugs. These pills to, you know, balance it back out. He was like, well, you know, I told him how, you know, when I was in college, you know, I, you know, I used to burn all the time. And he was just like, well, if it was, he was like, if it was legal, I'll prescribe it to you. But, you know, he said, you will see, he's like, he pretty much. He said I was self medicating in college, you know, because I tell people the only reason I made it through college is because of, you know, my relationship with, you know, the young lady named Mary Jane. Mary Jane used to, you know, got us through. Yeah, Mary Jane used to get me right.

A lot of people.

Mary Jane would come over and make everything.

Everything all right. You know, self medication.

Yeah. Mary, Mary, Mary is amazing.

Yeah.

You know, so I get on the anti anxiety meds and, you know, you know, life is cool, but, you know, this. The side effect was that I would, you know, I would start. Food will start tasting better.

Yeah, the munchies.

Oh, man. So you gained some pounds grubbing. Man, I would eat like. I remember one day at work. True story. The vending machine was left unlocked. Omg.

Wow.

I had so many Twinkies and Ho Hos and Honey buns. It was ridiculous. I was like, cameras in here. I was gonna grub it set me up from failure that day.

Your wife was prescribe nothing. She was good. She.

She. She good. You know, she. You know, she. She was. She's the norm of the two of us.

Okay.

You know. You know, she. You know, I would say she was a stronger the two of us because, you know, when things got really bad, she. She kept it together, you know, even when we got. Things got worse. You know, that's. That's what happened with, you know, after a couple years of, you know, being on the anxiety med. Well, anti anxiety meds, I just got to the point where I just was frustrated, you know, work. Things at work weren't going. I mean, things at work were cool, but I was working just crazy hours. And it just got to the point where I just. Yeah, stuff at work just started getting on my nerves. I started looking at ways to get out. And next thing I knew, I. I created, you know, circumstances that got me fired.

Wow.

I got fired. And so I went home. I was like, I'm done with this corporate stuff. And, yeah, I'm gonna go back to, you know, I'm gonna pursue my father's, you know, legacy, you know, which was, you know, what was, you know, importing semi precious stones from the Congo and, you know, selling them.

Okay.

And.

Semi precious stones.

Yeah. And she was not having it. You know, she was just like, what? She's like, you're gonna get fired from your job. We got bills to pay. You gonna go sell rocks.

Rocks, Right, Rocks.

She.

I know she wasn't trying to hear that.

No, she's just like five children. Five children. We got. We live in this big, expensive house. You're an accountant. You're like an accounting supervisor for a corporate, you know, corporate company. You're Gonna. You get fired and you're gonna go sell rocks? Like, are you kidding me? So, you know, in the midst of all of that, she was trying to get me to, you know, to go to, you know, counseling, and she was, you know, she said we potentially may need to separate for a little while because I got. At that point, I stopped, you know, I. I immediately just got off my anti anxiety meds. I started, you know, I started rolling up. So I started rolling up. I was in the house just burning and, you know, rolling up. She's just like, she was just like, you've lost your mind, like, completely. You're just in here. You just stop taking your drugs, stop taking your meds. You're smoking weed, right? And you're gonna go sell rocks. Like, she's like, you just, you're through. She's like, you know what? I ain't got time for this. You know, you got to get your life together. And I just, I can't be. I can't watch you spiral out of control. So she, you know, she asked me to, several times to, you know, to. To separate or to consider some high level, intense marriage counseling, but I just was. I was not feeling it, so. So she told me she was gonna, you know, file a divorce. And I was just like, I'm like, what is that? I don't say.

I don't.

I don't know what that means. Like, we married. Like, we said to death, do a spark in front of God. Like, ain't no such thing as. What does that mean? Like, you know, we said to death, do us part. I ain't cheat, you know, I ain't put my hands on you. Like, you know, like, what do you mean, divorce? I was just like, whatever. I was like, I don't. I don't, you know, I don't operate by these, you know, court systems. So anyway, she fought for divorce, you know, divorce, you know, I just signed off whatever paperwork she gave me, her attorney gave me me. I just signed off on it.

You just gave up? Just gave up.

I mean, I didn't know. I didn't know what that meant. Yeah, what do you mean I didn't know what it meant? Like, I just, I didn't. That concept was foreign to me.

So you didn't put up a fight is what you said?

No, not at all.

You just let it go?

Yeah. Like, I. I'm like, you're always going to be my wife. Like, what do you mean? Like, we. We did this in front of God. Like, it's permanent. It's you know, the set in stone.

You gonna always be my wife?

Yeah, straight up.

It's crazy.

Where you gonna go?

Just make her be married to you and she's mine. Oh, wow.

Like, she's my property. Like. Oh, what's the marriage is. It's like.

Is that what marriage is?

Yes. She's moving.

That's a misconception. That's not what marriage is.

Man. Everybody. I hear here in the streets, we talk about my man. No, my man, no, my woman. What does that mean? Like, this is my phone. You can't take this phone because it's mine.

But that's not. That's. That's not ownership.

That's not what.

It's not. It's not ownership. It's not, you know, it's a. It's a union. When you're supposed to become one, You're. You're partners. But you don't own. You don't own her. You didn't own her.

You be. But we became one.

But then you divorced.

Does how you separate one? How do you divide one?

No, the unity, the marriage. The combines to make one. The. Once it's over, it's over.

But how is it over? How do you become one and then unseparate?

Look.

Or separate?

That's. I mean, I.

You're one. Like, I don't. I don't.

That's a great way to think. That's a. That's. But it don't. It don't always work out like that. But you don't own her. But you. You didn't own her. So you know she's mine.

We're one. So you're gonna tell. So you tell me I don't own this phone.

That's. That's a material possession. Oh, that's a human. That's a person with a soul.

So we. We need to rephrase our terminologies then. So we can't say my husband. Because to me, that denotes possession. Right. My wife is mine. Like, I can't. My homeboy can't just. I can borrow your wife for the weekend.

Like, that's your perspective. No.

Right. Because my homeboy can't borrow my wife for the weekend. Right? That. She's mine.

She's your wife. Yes, she's your wife. She's your wife.

Exactly. She's mine. So how's she gonna divorce and go.

Because that once is gonna divorce me.

Lend herself to somebody else. Like, where they do that at? Like, you're mine. Like, I own it. I'm just saying. Yeah, like, what is. What do you mean?

So you were off your meds at this time? You was off your meds, on the meds.

This has nothing to do with the man.

I see where the chemical lack was in the brain.

So that happens. And here I am, you know, you know, I'm broke, no job, no marriage, you know, divorced. You know, the attorneys are telling me that I got to pay $2,500 a month in child support and alimony or I'll go to jail.

And I use on double child support, whatever that means. Alimony.

Yeah, in addition to the other child support.

This is just.

Yeah, so exactly. Double child support.

Spiraling, huh?

So, yeah, so here I am, no job, you know, no money, and next thing I know, I meet somebody who promises me, you know, wealth and fame, and he tells me to do this, do that, do that, and next thing I know, you know, I'm locked up.

Oh, wow. What?

Yeah. So everything's just spiraling out of control now.

You done that. Talking about American dreams.

I'm saying another box. I just checked. Another milestone, you know, the divorce. Okay, the divorce box. The American dream, you know, you know, achievement, you know, list. I checked off the divorce. I'm like, all right, I checked off the divorce box, and here I am.

Now checking criminal activities.

Yeah, I'm checking off the getting arrested, you know, check box. So I'm actually doing very well. Actually, I'm checking off all the boxes at this point. So I check off the box, you know, get arrested for some just nonsense. And then at this point, I'm like. Like, where did I go wrong? Right? So fast forward, I start, you know, analyzing myself, my life, well, how I've gotten to this point. I begin to reassess my faith, my religion, my relationship with God. I start reading, studying, and I get into reading, you know, about all the major religions in the world.

World.

I start really just, you know, I'm alone. I have a lot of time on my reflecting. I start reflecting, you know, where you went wrong. Exactly. You know, so, yeah, so I start, you know, I start reading and studying. I'm learning how to meditate, you know. You know, I become vegan. You know, I'm exercising, you know, I'm looking good, I'm feeling good, you know, I lose, like, 80 pounds, like, all these things. I'm transforming, you know, And I just happened. It was my 33rd year, right? So I'm like, man, here I am, 33. Feels like I died literally at 33, and then resurrected. I became, you know, I became Awake, you know, I became awakened. I started. Okay, you know, realizing that a lot of the things that I've been taught were lies. I started questioning everything because I felt like I tried everything and it didn't. Didn't work.

So try to do things the right way. Yeah.

And it just didn't work right.

Yeah.

So, you know, I ended. I, you know, I go back to corporate America. I get a job actually, as I start meditating, you know, and practicing, you know, mindfulness. And I ended up getting a job, you know, the highest paying job I've ever had, you know, highest role as an accountant that I've ever had. And things were looking good, you know. You know, know, some, some challenges occurs in Yolanda's life where, you know, she. She has a. She has an ectopic pregnancy where she almost loses her life. And this is like a wake up call for me. It's like, man, like, life is real. Like, I just.

So this is after you divorce? She's.

Yeah. You know, she's moved on. You know, we're doing our thing. I'm dating, I'm doing.

Right.

And the interesting thing about it is her and I was really cool. We were co parenting. We were. We would talk about our experiences, remain friends. Yeah. We would talk about our experiences with, you know, dating, you know, in our dating lives. People were meeting and, you know, the nonsense that was out here in these streets, you know, we was just talking, laugh. But she ended up, you know. Yeah. Suffering ectopic pregnancy where she almost, you know, she lost consciousness, almost lost her life.

Wow.

At that point, I was just like, damn. And I realized how much I really, really loved her and I still cared for her. So we ended up reconciling, right? We ended up reconciling, coming together and, you know, starting life again.

And starting life again.

Yeah. Once more.

Okay.

So we, we know, we get together. We, you know, she wanted more children. I was like, I don't know. I'm like, we're at five right now. She's like, I want more babies. I'm like, no. So we ended up. Yeah. Right. So we proceed forth and, you know, we have, you know, we have one.

Child.

And then we subsequently end up having, you know, twins again. Our second set of twins.

Wow.

And. And unfortunately, she transitioned from complications from a C section that delivered the twins.

Wow.

So it's like. Like what the F. Right? Like, bruh. Like what the F. Like, this, this. This can't be life, you know, this can't be real. This is like a dream or A nightmare, actually. You know.

Wow. All faith tested.

Oh, man. All of it. Like. Like, literally, here we are, like eight children in.

Yeah.

You know, two brand new babies.

Right. When you were on your. Your spiritual.

Yeah. Enlightenment, awakening, you know, her and I, we got to the point, we got back together. She was, you know, consistent, telling me how happy she was with our marriage. Like, she was just like. Oh, you know, she's telling me how happy she was, how we were good. We. We finally figured it out, you know, figured out how to be as a black couple. We figured out how to, you know, how to be transparent, how to be authentic. Authentic. How to be real with one another. How to talk about anything. Anything. Right. Whatever it was.

That's what that is.

Yeah.

Yeah. So at that. At that time, that was a total of what? Now you have a total of eight children.

Eight children, yeah.

Wow.

So here I am, you know, I'm sitting here watching, you know, I spent, you know, after she had the twins, I spent, you know, three days. Three grueling days with her, watching her just slowly and surely deteriorate and transition from, you know, what's. Whatever. Something that the doctors couldn't even explain. You know, they called it a. An anomaly, what had happened to her.

An anomaly.

Anomaly, yeah. Yeah. They couldn't really explain what was going on with her. So. Yeah. So this happens and, you know, and I'm really feel like it's over, like.

Ready to check out.

Yeah. Like. Like Fred Sanford used to say, this is the big one, man. Elizabeth, you know, I'm coming. You know what I'm saying? You know. You know, Fred G. I started feeling. I'm like, yo, this was. Man.

That'S tough. That's. That's a lot. That's heavy. That's heavy, Armand. That's heavy.

You.

All that you left with eight children.

Yeah.

That's deep.

Yeah. So I find myself, you know, a widower.

Yeah.

Single father of eight children, you know, with really not too much support. Right. Because, you know, really don't have a lot of family here. You know, it's America. Everybody's busy with their jobs, you know, their own children, you know, every. You know, and unfortunately, she didn't even have life insurance. So it's like I still got to work. I still got to figure out to provide for eight children. So it's. It's. Yeah.

Yeah.

I was really. I find myself really have to. Having to just sit still. Sit still and. And figure out who, like, who I am and my purpose here. Because it's almost like there has to be purpose, meaning and all.

You had a lot of purpose. You daddy to eight children. That's. That's a lot of purpose.

That's purpose enough.

That's purpose, definitely. There's nothing to think about. Like, you got eight children to raise, you know, that's. You step in, step up, do. Do what you got to do, right?

Allegedly. Allegedly. It sounds good. That's right.

It's like, what, what other purpose is there?

That's a Lifetime movie. Inspirational. Lifetime movie, you know.

Yeah, that's a, that's a, that's a lot. Yeah, but that sounds like full of purpose to me.

No, yeah, I mean, purpose. Right, whatever that means.

Very purpose.

So ultimately, you know, I realized that these experiences, you know, these, these so called tragedies, right, that I've experienced have brought me here in this moment, in this present moment to share, you know, my experiences with the world. Because I feel like I've been inspired with conscious perspectives. You know, I think one of the biggest things that I, I had to do is, you know, really sit back almost like having an out of body experience and analyze how I've gotten here, like from. And really this, what the story over these last two episodes has been to chronicle where I've been at, you know, over the last 41 years that have led me to this point. Wise. Wise. Right. You know, these things have led me to this point and I've had an ability, an opportunity rather to consciously evaluate my actions, my decisions, the corresponding consequences and. Or, you know, results to where I can now sit back and, you know, and consciously begin to live life and create my reality, our reality. Consciously. Hence, you know, hence really experiencing a conscious awakening to now where I believe that it's pertinent and critical for us as a people, us as an evolved being to begin to have these conscious intercourse. Sis.

Conscious dialogue.

Yes, these conscious intercourses.

Right.

Intertwining ourselves, you know, to, you know, it's like I came across something that said that survival is not our basic instinct, but rather the expression of our divinity is.

You know, so our true selves. Yeah, nature, you know.

You know, that, that, that really was very profound to me because it's like, you know, I. So I've survived, right, these tragedies because I'm still here to say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Right?

Allegedly.

But it's like, is it really my survival? Is it the fact that I'm now really expressing my divinity? Right. Because I am a God realized being. I am a product of God and actually that quote came from Neil Donald Walsh. He's an amazing author and writer. Came across some of his work and some of his work has really helped me actually make it to this moment. It was times where I didn't foresee myself, you know, making it through another day, but reading his, you know, his work really strengthened me and gave me courage and guidance and fortitude to, you know, to. To realize that I am. I'm not a victim. Right. But rather I am a divine being creating my reality in each moment by being present right now in this present moment.

Absolutely.

And consciously taking, you know, the power that's within me, the God given power to, you know, to triumph, to elevate. No, like, easy saying, turn tragedies into triumphs.

Yeah.

Make music that's fire, spit my soul through the wire, you know, because I'm a champion. I turn tragedies and triumph. Right. I ain't no rapper, but. Hey, y' all know what I'm talking about. Yeah, man, That's. That's conscious intercourse. That's what it's all about. It's. Yeah.

Thank you so much for speaking, sharing your story. That's. That's deep. Yeah, definitely, definitely Looking. Looking forward to hearing more. Definitely. Stay tuned, y'. All. Stay, Stay. Tuning in for more conscious intercourse on 108.9 power. 108.9.

Gotta have that power behind there, right?

Power.

Sam.