A Root-Cause Approach to Fetishes

I just made a video in my course explaining exactly how to get rid of your fetishes. Yes, those that you think are impossible to get rid of, you think are just wired inside of you because you've been acting on them maybe for years. This is the exact process that my students take so that they make these exact desires, these exact fetishes, these quote-unquote deviant acts something that's of the past and that they move on from. Now look, if you watch this video, obviously you have to apply the steps I'm about to present to you. If you just watch the video alone and you do nothing, even though the steps are pretty easy and they don't take too much time, but if you don't do them, then nothing is going to happen. But if you do do them, I can promise you that your whole narrative will change and you'll see things differently. Differently, but not just a bit different, but drastically different. So I'm excited. Go and watch the video. It's going to change everything for you. Deviancy and finishes. So let's get to the root of them so that you can really change them, or maybe you even wanna keep them, or really learn how to examine them so that you can decide what will be the best course of action that you can take in regards to them. Okay? So I'll just preface this by saying that adopting the self-image of someone who is deviant can only harm someone in most cases. It oftentimes also obviously leads to isolation, and isolation in most cases is only negative as it means a lack of opportunity. I mean, it means a lack of social connections. I mean, it means, that you'll miss out on so many different things. And of course, if we talk about like, okay, I'm gonna isolate myself so I can work on certain things, then that can definitely be very beneficial. But here we're talking about because of deviancy, that there could be a huge issue when it comes to that. Okay? So people who see themselves this way often isolate themselves as I just discussed. And they believe that they're not like other people, which is essentially, to simplify it, the definition of deviance here. Not like the rest of the group. You're not adhering to the social norms of that group. So they also tend to believe their preferences can never change. And this is like one of the, you can say, most destructive part of adopting that self-image. It's that belief that I don't think I can even change that. I mean, what happens actually is that they never really examine their preferences, okay? Because to be deviant, quote unquote, to have like a sort of fetish is simply a preference. But because they feel shame, they just avoid questioning overall. Like they just avoid questioning themselves because they think like, okay, this is like so bad, I shouldn't even look at it. I shouldn't even acknowledge that I want it. But then they still act upon it as if they really like it, which is the case. Okay, so I'm making this video and I'm prefacing this video to say that this is something which can easily— I mean, okay, when I say easily, of course, I don't mean like tomorrow you're not going to have even the desire to do it, but you can make drastic change and you can really not even want this specific fetish It's just most people don't even try. They have this belief that it's so hard, therefore they don't even try to do it in the first place. But the people, and this is why I say it's easy or effortless, it's because if you think it's easy or effortless, then guess what? You're probably going to at least try. And by you at least trying, you're definitely going to make progress, if not completely have obviously very good results. That you're going to be satisfied with. So what is deviancy? Okay, deviancy has obviously different definitions. I mean, there is a statistical one, which is like, well, if you've been to university, you find the deviant, the deviancy in, for example, the mean or median, and it contains like the standard of error. But we're not going to talk about this if you don't statistics. I didn't like that course. But anyways, most people think of deviancy in pathological way, in a pathological way, meaning that there's something wrong with you on a physical level, similar to when an organ stops functioning properly. But is deviancy inherently, I mean inherent, sorry, in a certain act? Is deviancy there in a certain act? Is it part of a certain act? That's the question you need to ask yourself. So for example, okay, I don't want to be too graphic, okay? But oral sex in general can be seen as disgusting in one culture or environment, okay? So if you go to, uh, you can say more conservative places, and sometimes it's not even about like, uh, a place, uh, that is conservative or not. I mean, just the culture, the environment, regardless of if if they're conservative or more liberal, oral sex can be seen as disgusting. Like, oh, you use your mouth to do other things that are pure and then you're about to have oral sex. Like, it doesn't make sense, right? While in other cultural environments, and we're talking about conservative or even liberal ones, it is praised and considered important. And by praised, I just mean like, oh yeah, this is something which is very— it's part of intimacy. Praised as in it is one of the key to have satisfied, to feel satisfied in intimacy and to please the partner, right? The opposite sex. So in the first culture, a person might be labeled as deviant for engaging in it, even within marriage. And even if it satisfies both parties, mean like the woman and the man, for example. And then the other culture, the same behavior is seen as completely normal and sometimes even encouraged. Even if, let's say that both individuals might feel uncomfortable doing it for whatever reason. So it brings the question, what do you base this on? What do you base deviancy? Like, okay, my fetish is wrong or good. My preference is wrong or good. Is it based on your environment? And how do you react to your preferences? Well, obviously, if we're talking about sexual preferences, you probably don't even express them in the first place anyways. Or is it based on how you were brought up? I mean, I'm not saying these two are the only way that you're going to base yourself, base, you can say morality, or base if you're— I mean, yeah, it's morality. I mean, if your fetish is right or if it's bad? Like, is it based on these things? Because here's the issue. Often religious people, for example, this is like, uh, if, if you're religious, you're going to totally relate to that. Often religious people don't actually base their actions on objective morality. God, essentially. Let me repeat. Often religious people don't actually base their actions on objective morality. God. Instead, they follow their culture or environment or social group, the group that they essentially associate with. And that can be like your friend group. That can be like you're in school and the people in school, what they think is cool. That can be your work environment. That can be like on social media. You're active on social media and you associate yourself with a certain type of group, like maybe it's a specific diet, maybe it's a specific type of group when it comes to fitness, when it comes to a certain lifestyle. In the same way, okay, non-religious people often just follow what's around them. And I'm not saying, like, non-religious people are just sheep and just follow whatever is in front of them. I'm not saying that, obviously, that's not what I imply, but I'm saying people don't ask, what should I base my values on? They just think, okay, well, this is what most people are doing. And it's just like based on their very narrow and small group. Maybe it's their city, maybe it's their neighborhood at this point, or maybe it's their school. Maybe it's their work environment, like I said, and they base their what is good and bad, not knowing that the same, for example, preference, if we're talking about sexually, because we're talking about fetishes, that same preference that some people think is bad, other people might think is totally cool or normal. And so the dilemma is when you express yourself, and of course, sexual preferences aren't something you usually express anyway. I mean, to go and say to someone that, or even to your friends, oh yeah, I have this specific fetish. I really want to do it once I'm married and once I have intimacy. You probably don't really talk about that anyways. And so the fear is probably just tied to your future partner if you're not in a relationship already, right? So here's the thing though, and this is the thing that most people don't understand. When you're confident in who you are and you don't care too much about this approval, but I mean you're not completely detached. It's not like, oh yeah, I don't even want love. I don't even want any kind of validation. It's like, yeah, you want those things, but it's like, I get that validation already from whatever. Maybe it's from God, or maybe it's from my projects. Maybe it's from the way that I live my life, my inputs. Anything. And you're like confident. You're like, yeah, I mean, I shouldn't depend on the validation of the opposite sex and I shouldn't depend on the opposite sex reaction to me, whether that be like you're in a marriage, whether that be like women in general, their reaction when it comes to them maybe finding you attractive, them maybe thinking that, oh yeah, this man, I want to be with him. Essentially, they're reacting positively to to. And if you base that validation and you base your sense of worth and your sense of value based on that, and so obviously you're going to be scared of, okay, I have this certain preference that maybe I want to act upon in my marriage. And obviously you don't have to act upon your preferences, like your fetishes, but you can definitely, I think that because you would have that fear when you're, let's say, for example, married and you have this certain preference and you're like, what if she disapproves of me? And you put a lot of weight onto that. If she, for example, rejects me, you think like, oh yeah, she doesn't want to do that fetish and she thinks I'm weird because of that. and if she reacts that way, then that means that you're not worthy, that you're not valuable. Then you see where the problem is. The problem is not your preference, it's not your fetish. It is just the worth that you put on that, the reactions that the opposite sex is going to have when it comes to that. And people often find that more attractive if, sorry, people often find you more attractive when you, let's say for example, you have this certain thing that is maybe weird, like people in your environment might think is weird. For example, let's put sex aside. Let's say for example, you're the type of guy that just dances and doesn't care about people's reaction. You just dance in public and you just sing out loud. It might be weird to people around you. They're like, I would never do that. I mean, They never see anyone doing that. But the opposite sex, I'm telling you, female, female nature, I'm telling you, if you don't care, and this is very, how can I say? This is basic knowledge that you need to understand. If you don't care and you just do it and you have that confidence, they'll find that more attractive that you do this weird thing. Than someone that just tries to suppress whatever he wants to do just for the sake of other people. And so even if they disapprove, you won't really care anyways. And on top of that, they might want to actually do whatever it is when it comes to the fetish. Now obviously there's certain fetishes that of course there's certain lines that we don't want to cross. But if you have a certain preference, let's say for example oral sex, even if they say no, you can also, like, and this is another thing, like interpreting, like if you interpret that as like, oh, they reject you as a person rather than they reject like this act that you want to do, then it's going to change everything. Obviously, like interpretation changes everything. And now that we reduce the shame, we realize, okay, like it's not about like the fetish itself, it's just about like how you put so much worth into like the reaction of the opposite The reaction of maybe even people around you if they were to find out. Now we want to ask ourselves and to be completely honest and accept whatever answers come up. Ask what do you truly want? If you were able to do this, what would it mean to me? So you have this sort of finish. And again, I'm not here, I don't think you should try to go with this approach that I need to remove this fetish. I need to remove this desire. You don't need to. There's no shoulds. To have a should only makes things worse. To think like, I should do this, it's like, okay, based on external factors that you were told a few years ago or based on other people's expectations of you, and you're never going to change if it's just should. Okay, anyways, you just want to ask yourself, being honest, okay, if I were to, yeah, I want to do this fetish. I want to engage in it, what would it mean to me if I were to do it? Without judging yourself and without trying to deny or be biased, what do you truly want out of that? And you'll see, you'll just be honest. You don't want to have the goal of just asking yourself that question so that you can change your fetish, but just to examine it. And you'll say, oh, okay, it's because of this. It's because I want to feel maybe masculine because I never really felt masculine in my life. And now that you have this answer, hypothetically, you can be like, okay, well, I can maybe just feel masculine, like with this other thing, which is going to actually make me feel masculine. So what would happen? Imagine you say, I really, really want to engage in this fetish because if a woman does that with me, it means I am worthy. This helps you see the value you unconsciously attach to that fetish. And there's nothing wrong with you if you attach that. Actually, it's gonna be very easy for you to detach it. But anyways, you really get to like say, okay, like this is the value attached. Do I still want to keep attaching value to that? Like, like the worthiness, for example. And once you see it, you can examine it and analyze it and then change it. Okay. So what to expect once you go through this process, the fetish will start to lose its appeal. You might, you might still want it, want it sometimes. And that's normal, but don't worry about it. It's like junk food. When you stop eating it, you still want it at first, but over time you care about it less and less. You may still crave it once in a while, but nothing like when you used to indulge in it. Okay, guys, like, this is something very important that you really understand, because the moment you understand that your fetishes are just preferences and there is a bit of, like, you can say, like, irrational value that you attach to it, And by irrational, I just mean it's still rational to you, but it's irrational as in it's outdated. It's like you used to attach that value to that fetish, and then you never really look back at what was the value that you attached back then to that fetish. And then you're now aware, you made the unconscious conscious, as we say, and you realize, oh, okay, actually, That doesn't make sense anymore. And it's just like you dissolve like that value, like that desire at the root. Okay. So in the next video, we're going to go over the, the buggy pleasure, but I hope this was helpful and I'll see you then. Let me know if you have any questions on WhatsApp.