Loneliness Is Not Why You Watch Porn

Loneliness is not the reason why you watch porn. Let me explain. I remember a few years ago when I struggled with porn and masturbation myself, and I was trying to quit, and I was reading posts on Reddit, I was watching every single video, and I thought that loneliness was the reason, the main reason why I couldn't stop watching porn. And at that time, I was super lonely. I was more than lonely. I had zero friends, not even one friend. The reason why is that I cut off all of my friends at that time because they were toxic and I wanted to start my own projects, my own businesses, and I wanted to change my life around. And so I was just in my room, going to a job, working part-time around people which I really didn't enjoy being around because they were toxic, they were just talking about drama and so on. And so every single week I would come back to, adult content. I'll be motivated within the first few days. I'll be like, I'll never go back to it again. And then I'll just feel like so lonely just in my room. Like, you know what, I don't want to do it. But you know, I would have like this tug of war. Should I do it? Should I not do it? And it really, really was painful because I just kept on coming back. I kept on repeating the same cycle. And on top of that, I was craving social interactions. I had no friends. I was lonely. So I thought that this was the issue. And I did so much research reading Easy Peasy, trying to find why is it that I still go back to porn and why porn doesn't solve loneliness and so on. It was super hard, but what I realized is I can't just be around other people in order to not watch porn. I knew that having like an active social life would definitely benefit me greatly, especially for my mental health, because like I said, I would crave social interactions to the point where I would wake up in the morning and I would be depressed because I knew that today I'm going to repeat the same routine, the same exact thing. I'm just going to read a book and I'm going to work out. Then I'm going to work on my projects, my businesses at that time. And I'm not going to meet anyone. I'm not going to do anything special. So I knew I obviously would benefit greatly because I remember in these times I would go like 1, 2, 3, 4 weeks without any social interactions. I had no friends. And when I would be around other people, I actually had no desire to watch porn for the next few days after that. So I knew it would benefit me because also I felt like so much better. I felt alive, I felt more driven and so on. But I was like, okay, but what if I am lonely for more than a week? Would it mean that I just go back to porn? Like I gotta tackle the root cause. There's something deeper than that. For most people, we're not doing drugs when we feel lonely, when we hit rock bottom, when we feel at our lowest. A lot of us don't drink alcohol. A lot of us don't go to prostitutes. Sure, there are people that do, But I knew that loneliness was not the reason why I would go back to porn. It was something deeper than that. Like I said, loneliness was a huge issue for me. I'm telling you, it was super painful. You wake up in the morning and you don't even want to wake up. You just want to stay in your bed because life is so dull and meaningless. It's super hard. And just for a moment, I just want to say that if you're lonely, yes, getting friends, yes, getting around other people is not going to cure your struggle with porn forever. Yeah, in the short term it might make you feel better, you might not want to watch porn at all, but if we take that away, does it mean that you'll go back to porn like I said? But I'm telling you, please fix your social life still. Please sign up maybe to a martial arts club. That's what I did and it really made me feel better. Maybe move to a new city where you can meet like-minded people. I also did that and it really changed everything for me, not when it comes to quitting porn, but just for my overall mental health because I really suffered from loneliness. It made me feel hopeless at times thinking that, look, this is my situation and I can't do anything about it. I don't even want to put in the work to change because I just feel so lonely. I just want to get a simple social interaction. It was super depressing. But anyways, let's get into it. So loneliness is not the root cause. It is really the setting. It is just a factor. It's like junk food. Junk food can be in front of you, but does it mean that you'll have to eat junk food just because it's in front of you? No, a lot of people that really value eating healthy, they might not even bat an eye at junk food and think that it's disgusting, that it's just going to have a very negative impact on their health, and they'd rather just take their chicken breast with broccolis and eat it whilst other people are eating junk food. I basically do that. That's why I'm saying this as a joke. But look, a lot of people, they just look at the surface. They think, oh, I'm lonely and I want pleasure. I want some form of excitement. My life is boring, I have no one around me, let me go and watch porn. I need a release, I haven't had a release in a long time. I don't even have a partner. I've never been married. I am waiting until marriage. I need to stay busy because right now my life is boring. And as we say, an idle mind is the devil's playground. So they think, look, loneliness, boredom is essentially the reason why I go back to porn. But it's so much deeper than that. Now, why does porn feel powerful? Why does porn specifically feel like, like in the moment, it feels like you're not lonely anymore? It's very simple. And I've talked about this in my video debunking the pleasure of porn. I've made two videos debunking the pleasure of porn. Highly suggest you watch them. The information presented in these videos are literally going to blow your mind and you will not be able to see things the same way afterwards. Now, for a lot of people, they think, okay, I just watch porn and, uh, when I'm lonely because of the dopamine hits. Because it makes me feel better. But the reality is there are so many other things that can make you feel better. I mean, you can play video games, you can take drugs, you can watch a YouTube video. Why is it that porn is almost like this thing that's just special? It's just different compared to the rest. A lot of people will say, well, it's just, it's easy and accessible. So is video games, so is YouTube videos, so is social media, so is junk food, so is even socializing with other people. You can go to a gym, you can go there. Of course you need social skills, but That's another thing. The real thing is that what happens when you watch porn is not that the, the woman in a video, they just trigger something in your brain and suddenly it just hijacks your biology and you lose control over yourself. You become like a wild animal. It's not that. It's very simple. You can do the test right now. Imagine something that you really, really desire. For example, you may desire having a family and having kids, being married, being in a big home. It's peaceful. You're like a on the countryside. Just imagine a goal of yours that you really want to achieve, and imagine that you already achieved it. How would it feel? You need to obviously visualize this properly. You'll see in that exact moment that you'll get the feelings as if you already accomplished it, even though you did nothing. Why? Because your thoughts, what you think about, they create feelings. When you're lonely, what do you want? You want feelings. You want to not feel lonely. You want to feel connected, appreciated, worthy. You want to get feelings overall. For some people, as you can see here, they want to feel seen. They want to feel valued. They feel like they've— they feel like they're not worthy of getting into a marriage, for example, and building a family right now. So they go to porn because porn itself does nothing. But when they watch porn, they visualize themselves having intimacy and intimacy in that moment, they feel valued, they feel worthy, they feel seen, they feel comfort, they feel relief, they feel maybe a sense of accomplishment. Do you see how simple it is? Is that when we watch porn, we get those feelings. Look, the woman that you see on these websites, is that what you're after? Pixels on a screen? No. As human beings, we're always after feelings, not physical things. Do we want a Lamborghini just because of the material of the Lamborghini? Do we want to get married just because we want to have a partner in front of us? No, we want the feeling, how it's going to make us feel. When people say, "I want money," do they want a specific number in the bank accounts, or do they want a feeling that is attached to that? As humans, we're just after feelings. And then when we look at porn, when we look at masturbation, when we just look at fantasy, what you're thinking about, you're in full control with porn in comparison to like real intimacy. In real life, you have to work hard, you have to get your finances right, you might be rejected even still. You have to do what it takes, basically. You're not in full control. There are different external factors like the economy, like your environment, the woman's reaction to you— does she approve of you? And so on. And so it's not easy, and it's like anything in life. If you have a career or a business, you go to the gym, you have to put in the work. You won't get it overnight. But with fantasy, not porn specifically, but with fantasy You get it right away because you just think about it. You're in full control. Therefore, you can't fail. You can't be rejected. You can't be criticized. That's why fantasy becomes so appealing in comparison to the real thing. The real thing is the real thing. It's completely different. But fantasy is something that gets us only the feelings. It doesn't get, gets us the physical thing like a woman, for example, a marriage and so on, or real intimacy, but we get the feelings just for a short moment. So the same feelings that we think we'll get from intimacy, we'll get them from our minds. We do this with anything. I mean, look at people when they watch sports. They are engaged. They see the soccer player, the football player playing, and then their heart is beating. And people also do this with movies. It's a normal human reaction. We put ourselves mentally in that position. There's actual science behind that. So it's all fantasy. So here's what happens. It's very simple. You're lonely, or maybe you're rejected, or you have no one around you, or maybe you have a limiting belief that because of who you are, because of what you've done in the past, like watching too much porn, you feel overall unworthy of even getting married anytime soon, of getting a partner. So you're there by yourself. So you're like, oh, well, I want to feel valued. I want to feel like I have a partner. So you start visualizing yourself having intimacy, maybe whilst you're watching porn. For some people, they just masturbate without porn. For some people, they just fantasize without any of those two. They just fantasize on their chair. They're there daydreaming. We do this as human beings. We always daydream. When we feel negative, when we feel lonely, bored, we start daydreaming about things that makes us feel good. I myself daydream of traveling to a specific country., and it makes me feel excited. It makes me feel good. Even though I'm just in a room working on my laptop, I still get feelings as if I traveled there. We fantasize in order to get a short relief. Also, we, we get to escape if we don't like our current life situation and we feel super lonely and we think that loneliness is bad for us and we want to stop thinking of that. Then when we fantasize about intimacy, having sex, then we get to take a break from these negative thoughts. And then we feel shame after we do it, porn, masturbation, fantasizing. So guess what? We isolate ourselves even more because we're like, oh, I don't really feel worthy right now. I don't feel confident. I can't socialize with other people. If I were to get married, well, the woman probably will reject me if she were to know about my private habits. We feel like a hypocrite, and then it leads to more loneliness, and the cycle just repeats itself. Here, we just feel more lonely and it's a vicious cycle as you can see. So here's what you actually need to do. It's very simple. You need to first and foremost tell the truth. A lot of people, they just say, okay, my root cause is that I am lonely, but I shouldn't be watching porn. It's disgusting, it's impacting my life. I don't even like to watch porn. You gotta be honest with yourself. That's what I did in the past and that's what I teach my students to do. You wanna ask yourself, what is it that I actually want when I'm lonely? What is it? For a lot of people, uh, it might be something along those lines. Of course, it's different for everyone, but you want to just be like, okay, you know what, whatever comes up in my mind, let me just analyze it. Like, for example, for me, I used to be bullied in the past. So whenever I was lonely and I was not really making progress in life, like I wanted to, I felt like I was going back to the old version of myself that used to be bullied. And so that meant a lot of pain, a lot of suffering, a sense of unworthiness, and so many different things. So I was like, okay, that's what I actually want. I don't want porn, I don't want pleasure, I don't want a release or just to achieve something. I just want these exact feelings. Right now, that's how I want to feel. And now you wanna ask yourself, being completely honest with yourself without judging yourself, how does porn actually help me with that? From your perspective, there's no right or wrong answers. The answer that might come out of your mouth might be completely irrational. Might be like, 'Oh yeah, because the way that her body is,' whatever. Okay, anything that comes up in your mind, you want to write it down because then that's going to allow you to make the subconscious, the unconscious part of you conscious. So then you can alternate, you can start changing that subconscious, that unconscious. That's one way to go about it. And then you want to overall debunk the value of PMO. So this is a process that I do more in depth with my students. I have a ton of videos on my YouTube channel where you can watch videos about how to debunk, for example, the pleasure you attach to porn, how to debunk the relief that you get out of porn. And then what happens is you start seeing no value in porn. You stop seeing porn as a way to escape or as a relief, and you start seeing no reasons to go back to porn. It's very powerful, but you gotta obviously go through that process. Bottom line, you wanna ask yourself, What am I really looking for here? You gotta stop blaming loneliness. You gotta stop blaming stress. You gotta stop blaming anxiety and all of these emotions or external factors. And you gotta start looking at why is it that I go to porn when I feel lonely? And if you want more help with this, then there's gonna be a link in the description. You can book a free call with me. We can dive deeper into your situation to see how you can actually quit this once and for all. So the link is gonna be in the description, and I highly suggest you watch more of my videos on YouTube so that you can start seeing porn and masturbation through a different lens. Anyways, I hope this was helpful.