Why Porn Blockers FAIL (and How I Fixed It)

Brother, how many times have you installed a blocker and you felt good for a few days? Then one real urge hits and you just found a way around it. The blocker worked, the urge was still there. So why did you still want porn? That's what we're going to talk about today in this video. Now you don't have to delete your blockers, okay? It can give you like some form of breathing room. You really want to watch porn, but then there's the blocker. So there's like this delay and you can't just fully act on it. That's, That's kind of good. Doesn't solve the full problem, but maybe it can help. I remember for me, back in 2020, in the pandemic, I hit my first 7 days without porn. And then I went weeks without it. And then I went months without it. And I was just using that willpower, that discipline. And I thought, I just need more discipline so I can really quit forever. So I was trying my best, staying busy, getting off social media. All of the techniques you hear people talk about nowadays, just put your phone outside of your bedroom, as if it wasn't easy to just go, Outside of your bedroom and just pick your phone. And it's all about like keeping that streak alive. It's about fighting as hard as possible so you can finally quit forever. And for me, I thought maybe loneliness is the problem. Maybe it's boredom. Maybe it's the lack of purpose. Maybe it's because I'm not married yet, therefore I don't have intimacy. But none of that— listen carefully— none of that answered the question. Right before you watch porn, you need to ask yourself, what do I think porn is going to give me? What do I think porn is going to do for me? Not after you watch porn and you feel with shame and guilt, right before you do it. You probably know how it goes. You relapse, feel a lot of shame and guilt. You start installing all of the blockers. You tell yourself, I'll never do this ever again. This was the last time. I regret it. I just lost all of my energy and my drive for life. Maybe you delete social media even. And then for the next few days, you feel good. You feel like the blockers are working. You don't even have the desire to go back to porn. Then you have a rough day at work. A rough evening. Maybe you're alone and your mind won't shut up. It's saying you're lonely, you're not married yet, you're behind in life, you have not accomplished anything. So what do you do? You open the site, you type pornhub.com, and then it's blocked because of the blockers. The blocker is doing its job, it's blocking the website, but you still want to watch porn, so you try to think of another way to get in. Is there a loophole there? You think maybe I can just remove the blocker and just Turn it off for now, and then you know I'll turn it back on forever. I'll find a way to make it so I can never ever go on it. So you're basically now fighting with a software if you really think about it. But none of that is really answering the most important question of all: Why is it that sudden? I really want to watch porn. Why in this moment? I don't want to watch porn when I feel happy, when I feel on top of the world, when I just accomplished something. Why right now? I've been coaching people for years now, helping them overcome porn and masturbation, and so many people try the blockers. They try the willpower. Accountability with their friends or people they know in real life. Even video courses, they try to pray more about it, they try to keep themselves busy, they try to just have a social life, do something. Fighting, fighting, fighting. Like, they're fighting hard, they're trying as hard as possible. But the real question we never, never ask ourselves is what made porn seem valuable in that exact moment? Look, put blockers and urge or desire next to each other. Block it— they block the access to certain websites. What's urges or desires? It's is about what you think porn is going to give to you. Because imagine you again had a rough day at work, you feel stressed out, and you feel just hopeless, depressed even. You know you'll regret watching porn, it's just going to make things worse, and you're gonna have less energy. But think about it, to watch porn for 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, even more— because most of the time people actually go on a binge, they don't just watch porn once, they watch it multiple times in a row when they go back to porn. But think about that, that 10, 20, 30, 60 minutes, whatever, is 10, 20, 30, 60 minutes Of not having to deal with the mess that's in your mind right now, the mess that's making you feel these negative emotions, that's making you feel alone. It's like giving you ten, twenty, whatever minutes you don't have to deal with anything anymore. And that's exactly what you're reaching for in that example. Or maybe it's not the escape. Maybe you feel unwanted, man. I'm not married yet. I'm in my thirties. I'm not where I want to be in life. I feel like I'm just not valuable. I'm unworthy. And you think in the back of your mind, well. Porn kind of like makes me feel wanted and worthy because when I watch porn, I imagine myself having sex with a beautiful woman. And that beautiful woman, having sex with her in my mind, it feels like I'm getting love. I'm getting some sense of worthiness, of accomplishment. I just slept with this beautiful woman, even though it's in your mind. And after you watch porn, you tell yourself, man, I hate this. I gained nothing from this. It was just like 5 seconds of pleasure. I regret it. But I'm not asking you, what did you get after you watched porn? What did you get Before you watched porn, before, what did you think you were getting? Most people never answer that question, and that's why they're stuck. You can hate what porn does to your life, the negative consequences, low drive, low energy, whatever, but you can still want what you think it's going to give to you in those hard moments. And guess what? The blockers is not going to fix that. Are blockers pointless? No. Think of the blocker like a locked door. The door will buy you time, but it doesn't change And listen carefully. It doesn't change why you're standing outside trying to open it, trying the handle. In that analogy, you can keep the door if you want, but stop expecting the door to fix again. Listen carefully. To fix what brought you there in the first place. Stop expecting the door to fix what brought you there in the first place. Yes, with the blockers, if the website doesn't load up because there's a blocker, it might help. You've got a few more seconds or maybe minutes to either find a loophole to remove the blocker and access the website, or to question yourself and really figure out what's going on in my head. This is where the blockers could be used. So the next time it happens, you want to watch porn, then there's a blocker that pops up. You want to write three sentences and keep it simple. You don't need to sound smart because no one is going to read them. The first sentence is. 10 minutes before I wanted porn, I felt, and then you write how you felt. Like 10 minutes right before that, what was happening? Maybe you were under pressure. Maybe you got rejected. Maybe there was something you really didn't want to deal with. The second sentence is, I thought porn would, and this is where you have to be really honest. There's no right or wrong answers. You don't want to judge yourself. Don't just write like what porn does in general, write exactly what you wanted from it. Then did you want maybe your mind to switch off, maybe to feel wanted, maybe to take a break from yourself? And then the third sentence is afterwards I felt. Now you want to have like the answers from the first two questions and kind of put them together. Let's say that you're avoiding a task and then the pressure builds and porn kind of looks like a quick way out from that. So you watch porn and then your mind kind of goes blank for a bit and the task is still there. And now you got regret on top of it. Look, porn may have given you that escape in that moment. You want to be honest about that. It didn't keep the full promise. It gave you an empty promise. Did it solve the pressure? Or did it give you more pressure on top of that pressure? And once you see it with clarity on paper, you know exactly what's going on and you know what's the question and what to change. Maybe you're thinking, Samir, 3 sentences, what is that? I've been watching porn for 10, 20+ years. And that's fair. Obviously, these three sentences are not going to just change your life overnight, but they help you see the decision right before you make it. It's not like triggers. Most people they say, "Oh, it's just I know my triggers. It's because I'm lonely. It's because there's a beautiful woman on social media. It's because the beautiful woman at work." Triggers do not explain why you still choose to watch porn. Why porn still look like the answer in that moment. Look, if your blocker helps you, keep using it. I have blockers for social media that I've been using for years, and it helps if I'm being honest, just so I don't get distracted whenever I go on social media. But the real question you want to ask yourself, what's the most important thing is, what am I expecting porn to do for me right now? What am I expecting porn to do for me right now? Also, if you ever read the Easy Peasy or the FEAR Model, I have a video that's going to be linked in the description that talks about the comparison between those 2 books and how to really quit porn for good. The video is gonna be linked down below. Just click it. It's in the description. Watch it right after this. Now, I wanna ask you something. Do you want to quit porn just to get better at fighting porn? No. Most of the time we want to quit porn so we can stop thinking about porn all of the time and remove its negative impact on our life and get back our own lives to be present with the people we care about, to work on your career, on your business. Without having to hide or carry a private life, or to have faith without feeling like a hypocrite because you're constantly doing this sin. But let me tell you that the goal is not to never have a hard day, never have challenges or adversities in life. That's impossible. It's to have a hard day without automatically going back to porn. The blockers, they might give you like a pause. You're about to watch porn and then you need to wait. Use it to ask the question I've been telling you to ask yourself. Throughout this video, and if you're 25 or older, you've made actual like real attempts to quit. You're serious about quitting porn. You've tried many things, and it still hasn't worked for you. You can book a free root cause discovery call with me. It's going to be the first link down below. It's a private 25-minute conversation where we will go over what happens right before you go back to porn, what you actually expect porn to give you, and what's really holding you back from quitting for good. I'm not gonna ask you to get outside of your comfort zone or to get graphic or to share any personal information. You can even keep your identity private if you'd like. But if you're serious and you're ready, you're ready to really draw the line in the sand and finally quit porn, you can book the call down below. If you're not ready, just follow me here on YouTube and I'll keep helping you understand the patterns without using shame, guilt, or having to fight a battle that never ends. I'll see you guys in the next one. Bye.