Social Media Is Not Your Trigger (Here’s What Is)

Today we will talk about why the social media feels so triggering. So when it comes to social media, we oftentimes believe that we're just triggered because it's our nature and that triggers us into watching porn. But let me tell you right now, that is not the full story. That's just what you see on the surface. You can actually change what happens so you don't feel triggered anymore next time you see a woman on social media that's dressed in a way that triggers you. What we need to also understand is we cannot remove all of the triggers. If you walk in the streets, you walk into a mall, you will see women that are dressed in a way that might personally trigger you. You might watch a movie, you might walk down the street. You can't just fully remove these things. So you got to learn how to react differently to the same exact pictures you see on social media so that it doesn't have any more control over you. And that's exactly what we're going to talk about in this video, because As I say here, the image came first, but the desire did not come from the image alone. Here's what your mind added in between. That's the most important part. So let's talk about McDonald's. A burger, as you can see right here on a billboard. Let me ask you a question. Is it the shape of the burger that's forcing you to want it? Is it because it looks good because of the way that it's Position? No, I mean, look, it's just bread, meat, cheese, sauce in a certain shape. But the desire, when does it appear? The desire to just eat the McDonald's? It appears when your mind adds a story to it. It's what you tell yourself subconsciously. This is why we work on the subconscious. Let me show you. You think in that moment unconsciously, that would taste amazing, or I feel stressed. This can give me some form of comfort, or my life is boring and dull. I feel lonely. This would make me feel a bit better. You believe McDonald's is going to give you that subconsciously. So the burger is not just a picture of meat, cheese, and bread, whatever. It is more than the picture, and your mind, it promises something that's greater. Like think about it. It would taste amazing. I feel stressed. It can give me some form of comfort. Maybe I'm anxious and I can just like take a break and just focus on the experience of eating a tasty hamburger, or my life is boring, dull. I'm lonely. This can finally make me feel better. And you see, this is what creates the desire. It's not just the food. So what happens on social media? The same exact thing happens basically. You see an attractive woman and at first it's only like the image of a person. Then your mind adds a story so fast that you don't notice it. And again, this is why we work on the subconscious. You start thinking, if, if you are mindful, you'll see that you start thinking of something. You start thinking, oh my God, she's so attractive. Imagine if I were to sleep with her. I wish I could attract such a woman. If I were to sleep with her, it would be like an accomplishment. You may not say these things out loud, but subconsciously you believe them because for years you've conditioned yourself to these things. I feel like a loser right now. I don't feel good about my life. I'll never get married or have any type of intimacy anytime soon. And she reminds me of the fact that, man, I'm just there by myself. I'm lonely in my room and there's not much going on in my life. Or what would it be like if she wanted me? Imagine such a beautiful woman. Or imagine if I were to get married with a beautiful woman. And she would give me intimacy. And suddenly the desire is created and also it fuels the desire. And you suddenly really want to do the deed because the image now is not just, oh, beautiful woman, let me just scroll past. It's, oh my God, this reminds me of all of these nice things that I really crave in my life right now. So your mind has turned it into a promise that I'm going to get all of these things if I were to watch porn, if I were to just have sex with her and so on. So the real change, and this is what you got to understand, So the real chain is not, oh, a woman on the screen, then it creates the desire. Instead, it's the woman on the screen, the image on the screen. Then you add meaning with your own mind to that image. You tell essentially yourself a story like, oh, I'm just by myself. My life is boring. I feel like I'm not worthy. People do not want me. Imagine a beautiful woman like this, or any woman would want me and sleep with me. Then I would feel accomplished. Then I would feel valued. Then I would feel loved. Then I would feel worthy. And suddenly you're like, well, I want to feel these things. Well, maybe let me watch porn because it's a substitute for these, for real intimacy, for a real woman. You see what happens? This is why it can feel like the woman caused the feeling because she appeared first, but appearing first is not the full cause. It's the story. Now, a lot of men will say, okay, it's, it's just my nature. It's not the story. It's just like, it just happens. Like I saw a woman and suddenly my body reacted to it. Men can feel a sexual desire. Biology, testosterone can be part of that. I'm not denying that whatsoever. We're not animals either. We have a mind. We have our cognition, meaning our instincts do not rule us. We don't just act based on instincts. Compared to animals, we can choose to go against our natural instincts. We can decide to not eat food even though it's in front of us because we think, well, if I fast, I'm going to lose weight. An animal cannot do that. Most animals don't think like that because they don't have that cognition. So yes, you have the desire. Yes, it's a natural desire for women. You shouldn't remove that, but it doesn't mean that you just create it and act on it 24/7. Without control. You have full control over that because let me challenge you and show you that it's not all about desire. Why is it, as I say here, that the same picture, the same woman on social media that you see can feel powerful on one day, one day it feels like, oh yeah, I just need to do it. Oh my God, she's— this just triggered me. And another day you see the same exact thing and it feels flat because let's say you're happy. You feel like life is amazing. You just accomplished something. Maybe you got a promotion at work. You just got done with a nice gym session, and then you're about to meet your friends. Even if you were to see like the most beautiful woman that's half naked in front of you on your phone, you would see her and think, "I don't really care. Let me just scroll past," or "Let me let me not watch that. That's disgusting." But on days where you feel lonely, when you feel unwanted, you feel just like you're by yourself, life is dull and boring and you don't really like it, and you feel anxiety, you feel stressed, you feel some type of emotional pain, or maybe you feel a bit depressed, suddenly the desire is much stronger. So is it about biology? Is it just about testosterone and hormones and, ah, this is just my nature? Or is it about wanting something out of it that has nothing to do with desire, that has nothing to do with your nature, but rather you want to feel better. You want to feel valued. You want to feel worthy. That's the story you tell yourself. Okay. So imagine you see a beautiful woman and she triggers you. You're like, oh my God, she's so beautiful. And it's on, let's say Instagram. And then you're just there and you have like the desire to go and watch porn or masturbate, whatever. But then later you learn, That oh, actually that woman was fully AI. She's not real. It looked like she was real, but she wasn't. My question to you is: What were you responding to in the beginning? Was it just your nature, your biology because you saw a real woman? No, there was no real woman. So you were responding to a picture, and it wasn't the picture itself that triggered you. It was the story about the picture. It was, oh my God, she's beautiful. Oh my, imagine if I were to sleep with her. I wish I could be the type of guy that sleeps with these beautiful women. I wish I could get married and build a family and have some real intimacy. You see, that's the story is what matters. It's not the picture because if the picture mattered, if the woman mattered, then why are you getting triggered by a robot? It would make no sense whatsoever because if you knew that it was a robot, In the beginning, you would not even create the desire or the urge. You would not even feel triggered because in your mind, the story you would tell yourself is this is not real. So I'm not going to feel any desire for that. I hope I'm helping you really break that illusion right now because it's all an illusion. You can go on social media and feel no desire whatsoever. That's what I teach my students. That's why I do myself. I still use a lot of social media because of the nature of my work, helping men, posting content on social media, and you see stuff you don't want to see. I'm on Reddit often, and on Reddit it's even worse. You get sent full-on porn. I swear by God that it has no effect on me whatsoever. If a man sends me a picture of a naked woman, I will just click off, block him, And that's it. And I'll just continue on with my day. Obviously, I'll probably think like, why did he send me this? This is stupid, but that's it. And of course, I might be shocked initially because I'm like, I didn't want to see this. But hey, you can't fully control that. As you can see, it's just the AI example shows that it was caused— the desire, the trigger, the urge— by what you believe you were seeing. It wasn't caused by what you were seeing. It was caused by what you believe you were seeing and what it meant to you, the story. So the same point with men presenting as women. This is the example I use often. Imagine there's a beautiful woman walking down the street, or maybe even on social media. You only see the back, and so you see like, okay, she has like a nice body, and you feel the desire, like, oh my gosh, beautiful, so beautiful. And then that same exact woman turns around And you see, it's actually a man dressed as a woman and he made his body look like the one of a woman. Are you telling me that you would just be still triggered and just have that desire? Or would you just like shut it off immediately? Because again, it's not the body that's triggering you. It is the story you tell yourself. When you see a man, you tell yourself, I cannot fantasize about that. I can't even create a story around that. I don't even want to think about it. But because initially you didn't realize that it was a man, you did create a story. You did create a fantasy. You did create the desire. The trigger has nothing to do with biology. It's all subconscious. It's all in the mind. Now, I'm not saying that biology is fake. I'm not saying that men never find women attractive. I'm not advocating for the removal of your innate desire for real intimacy for real women. I'm just saying that biology is not the full story. If seeing a real woman alone were the full cause, then learning that this was AI or this was not a real woman would not matter at all. You would still be triggered and you will still act based on that desire because you were triggered and therefore you just had a full strong desire to watch porn and masturbate and then you would be doing it. But that's not the case as we can see. And many people have actually reported to me that it happened to them where they realized, oh, this is actually a man. And then they just, felt disgusted by it. And they just had no desire like this. They completely removed the desire, completely removed the trigger in one single instance. So why does this matter? Because when you call women triggers, it almost sounds like women are just like this dangerous entity or object that just creates lust inside of men. And I'm not saying again that they're not attractive or sexually attractive, but what I'm saying is that this is not what's happening. A woman is a person. She is not reaching you through the screen and just putting a desire inside of you. The desire happens when the mind turns that person into a full story that they tell themselves. She's going to make me feel wanted, desired, valued. It's going to be like an accomplishment if I were to sleep with her because all of my friends, they brag about how they sleep around with women and I've never slept with anyone. Imagine if I were to sleep with her. You see the story. that you tell yourself, which is, by the way, different for everyone. That's why my coaching is personalized to the individual. The one-on-one coaching is just for me and them. It's personal. They get a personalized roadmap based on their situation. They get personalized videos, videos made for them, again, based on their situation because everyone is different. You gotta find out what is that story that you tell yourself. And here's proof that it works. Josh and Raul, 2 of my students back in 2023, they're more than 2 years, which is amazing. Why am I showing you these 2 guys specifically is because these 2 guys specifically use a lot of social media. Josh has a personal brand, TikTok, Instagram. So obviously he will come across that type of content. And Howell had started a successful business on social media itself. And due to the nature of the work on starting an online business on social media, there's a ton of triggering content by default. And yet they're completely free and it's not even a problem for them. So as a summary, social media does not have magic power over you. Okay. A picture does not carry like a desire inside of it. A woman on the screen is not the full cause of the desire. The image, yes, sure. It's there. It starts the chain because it reminds you of the meaning of the story that you give to that image. And that promise is what makes it feel hard to look away. It's that story. It's like, oh man, I really want to sleep with women because if I were to sleep with a woman, it would make me feel like this, or I feel accomplished. And right now I feel like I'm a loser. It's the story. And look, if you want a full free video guide, this is a video guide that I give to my one-on-one clients that shows you exactly how to desexualize your digital environment by just changing like the settings on your phone and laptop. You can click the first link in the description. It will take you to a website. Just put in your info. You'll get the full guide right away to your email. It's basically a guide that shows you how to desensualize your digital environment, like on your phone, your social media, on your laptop, so that you get exposed less to that type of content and therefore make it easier for you to desensualize your mind in the process, because it is not valuable. It is not beneficial for you to constantly expose yourself to softcore porn, or as we call it, triggering content. Not saying that it will make you relapse. I'm just saying that what you feed yourself will essentially be the thing you think about more. So when you drastically reduce your exposure to what you feed yourself, like sexualized content, it will just make it easier for you to not really think about that stuff as often. I hope that this was helpful. If you have any questions, reach out to me on Instagram and I'll get back to you.