Debunking Urges and Relapses (Private Training)

All right guys, so urges and relapse debunking. Okay, so let's remove the false ideas around the concepts of urges and debunking. This is very important. Okay, so biological urges for porn are not true. Let me explain. There's no biological urges because when it comes to porn, right, or masturbate, who is born wanting to watch porn or masturbate a lot? I want you to ask yourself, because first, porn is a video which has been created by human beings. Second, masturbation is something that we learn to do and that some people don't even want to do. I still remember the first time that I decided to try masturbation because I was watching porn. So that's how I knew about it. It felt weird to me and I didn't even want to do it, to be honest. I'm not going to go too much in details, but it just felt weird to me and it didn't feel pleasurable in any sense, right? I was more scared than anything, right? We have a natural predisposition though to want to be with women, to be loved, to love and to have sex. I mean, that's part of it. We're not gonna say like we're just asexuals, right? There's a huge difference though, okay, between a biological need like hunger and the desire for something which we have inflated the value of. We have inflated the value of masturbation, porn, and lust, right? To the point where we feel so much that it's like we need to do it. Like, it's not that we need to do it, but that we really, really want to do it. And almost feels like we have no control over that, but we do have control. So let's just debug biology, okay? Sex is not a survival need, but a desire. You can die. I'm sorry, you can die. Sorry for the mistake here. You can die not having sex, okay? You can die never watching porn. You can die never masturbating. It's not like you're just gonna explode. Porn is a screen with women. Do you have urges to watch people eat food when you're hungry or fasting? I want you to think about that, right? I'm not saying like, just believe me blindly. What purpose does masturbation serve? If it's to have a release of semen, well, understand that we have a natural self-cleansing mechanism and masturbation needs to be learned as a behavior. Many tribes, you can do your own research, never engage in it, right? And many tribes also practice abstinence sometimes because of birth, right? In some cases, not every single tribe, but yeah. So we have a natural self-cleansing mechanism. Your body will literally do, and we're gonna explain this further, will literally release semen naturally if you don't have porn, if you don't have masturbation or sex. If it's a biological origin, that would mean that you have no control over it, that it will be forcing you to do it. Obviously, you are predispositioned to be with opposite sex, but people want to PMO because of the value they place on it. Okay, the easiest way to tell is that they don't want to PMO when they feel happy, only when they feel down, looking for a fix. And also, you know, when we feel angry, if I'm busy, I'm gonna feel angry no matter what. But if I'm busy, I don't feel the need to just masturbate, watch porn, or have sex, right? It's very different. Why do some people feel the desire to do it after a few hours of after doing it for a few days or a few weeks or months, or they binge, or they never feel the desire at all when it comes to porn and masturbation. This is what I realized. I was like, sometimes I would not watch porn for, let's say, a month. Then I would do one session, right? I would watch porn, masturbate, and then I won't feel the desire for like 2 to 3 weeks. I wouldn't even feel like doing anything. I was just having nothing, no arousal or anything. But I also realized that even if I watched it like 8 times in a row, the day after, I could still decide to turn myself on and feel like the quote unquote urge as they call. But I just decided not to. This is the thing, you decide, okay? Why is it that when we're busy or we think of something else, we don't desire it? Unlike hunger, I need to the need to breathe, the need to drink water, which is constantly going to be there when it is actually required from the body. I'm not saying that you should never engage in sexual behaviors. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that there's no value with sexual behaviors, like for example, sex. I'm just saying that it's just a desire. It is a desire. Just like you have a desire for something. For example, a lot of people have a strong, a very strong desire to own a supercar. Or to look at supercars or to watch videos about supercars. I don't have that personally, so I cannot relate. But it is a strong desire which they obviously made up. Now with sex, obviously, like real sex, not porn masturbation, real sex, we obviously have that natural desire within us to be with opposite sex. But that doesn't mean that we lose control over it. And it's just a desire, not something that you need, that your body necessarily Needs no matter what, right? Now preference against biological urges. What we have is a preference. Would you say you have biological urges to play video games, to hang out with your friends, to watch YouTube video, to play your favorite sport? The reality is all of those things you could say no to, right? I'm not saying like just you're never gonna have a social life. Obviously you want to have a social life, but you could just decide like, oh, I'm not gonna hang out with friends, I'm gonna hang out with family. I'm not going to hang out with friends. I'm going to go to the gym, whatever. Right? It's a desire. Because if it was a need, then you constantly feel it throughout the day. If you don't eat, you will physically feel and also psychologically feel it constantly. Right? And another thing which you'll realize is, you know, like the kind of like desire to release, right? To watch porn, masturbate. It goes like this, right? It goes up and down. Like for most people, I'm not saying like for everyone, but for most people, it's like sometimes you feel the desire a lot and then they just go on with the day, they do other things, so they don't feel it at all. And then maybe 2 days from now they feel it a lot and then it goes down. Like compared to hunger, which is like you're going to constantly feel that physically, that you're empty and that you need to eat for days, like as long as you don't eat, basically. Right. So it's not an urge, it's simply a want. And want is the emotion, okay? This is very important. It's not an urge, it's not like a temptation, it's not a trigger, it's just a want, okay? You just want it. A want is the emotion associated with perceived benefits. You want something for what you think it will give you. This is actually like the real thing. You want something for what you think it will give you. I don't want to, for example, Let's say, okay, let me just give you a simple example. If let's say, for example, I have this notebook right here. Well, if I have no reasons to write on my notebook, then why do I need to write on my— I'm not going to want to write on my notebook. But if I get told that if I write on my notebook, I'm going to be able to learn new things, I'm going to be able to get all of these benefits, I'm gonna be able to journal, I'm gonna be able to have better, I don't know, concentration, I'm gonna be able to do this important exercise that will change my life, then I'm gonna want to write on my notebook, right? You understand? Like there's benefits. So that's the thing. With PMO, we've been associating so many benefits. When I say so many, like a lot, which we talked in the past videos, right? The same way there are some people that are obsessed with cars and they look at videos of cars every day. When they see a beautiful car, they stare at it, they constantly think about it, they feel a huge desire to own one, right? And look, if you desire cars, like, there's nothing wrong with you, right? We all have our desires, right? Because they want that car for whatever they think that car can give to them personally, right? A lot of people don't really analyze that because there's no point in analyzing, but it's like sometimes they think that the supercar, I mean, they link it to, oh, women are gonna be impressed by them because They have a supercar, they love the feeling of going fast and being able to feel that freedom. And they link so many benefits like these to supercars. So obviously they want a supercar, right? And so perceived benefits of porn. Well, for a lot of people, they think it's a substitute, right? In a sense of, I'm not in a relationship, that's why I watch porn. I don't have sex, that's why I watch porn. You see, they think it's unconsciously, it's a substitute for real sex, for real intimacy, for having a real woman in your life. Experience, it gives me a sexual experience that gives me a taste of intimacy, love, and for you. That's what people think porn can give them, right? Loneliness, it makes me feel less lonely when I watch it. It's like you're having real intimacy, right? Or you're distracting yourself. Obviously, right? Pleasure, it gives me so much dopamine and I feel so good, so much pleasure. Relief, it helps me relieve any emotion and relaxes me. That's what people believe. You see why we always used to want porn now? We unconsciously believed for so many years that it was like a magical drug that comes with downsides, but so many benefits like these during the time we watch it. Remember, we want PMO when we feel down, Never when we feel genuinely happy, okay? What you have is a sexual hardware, okay? Your sexual drive is like a computer hardware, okay? This is very important you understand this. Your sexual drive, like, you know, the ability to get aroused, the ability to perform in bed, whatever, the ability to basically get in the erection, right? And so it's like an hardware, okay? Obviously, like, you know, I'm not gonna deny that we have morning woods, right? And it happens without your control, to be honest. But it's not like morning wood means that you want something. It's just like the blood flow. But sexual hardware is something which you decide to turn on and then start using the computer. Okay? That's a computer hardware. Okay? It doesn't get turned on for no reasons. Only if you think or see something which you think is attractive sexually when it comes to the sexual hardware. It's the same with other things, right? Like fear, for example. You have a fear hardware, and that means you don't feel fear randomly. You only feel fear if you see or think of something which you deem as scary. You're not just like in your living room and suddenly you feel fear for no reason. It's either you think of something scary or you see something scary or something happens to you that is scary, right? And so then you activate the fear so that it can motivate you to do something about it, whatever, right? Same thing with this sexual hardware. You know, to prove this, like for example, if you see, and I always give this example, imagine you see like a beautiful woman in the street and like you look at her body, you sexualize or whatever, you activate that sexual hardware, basically you lust over her, and then she turns And because, I mean, you're fantasizing about her, whatever. She turns and you realize it's actually like a man just like dressed as a woman with woman clothing. Boom, suddenly it all disappears, right? You decide to shut down that sexual hardware and not feel aroused anymore, right? It's like, imagine like your computer is like your genitals and you can activate it and you can turn it off. You can activate, turn it off. It's fully within your control. right? And so that's what you need to understand. A lot of people think, no, I'm just forced. I'm like an animal living on instincts. No, that's not true. And relapse, okay, this is the thing. A relapse, if you can see the definition here, a relapse is of someone suffering from a disease that suffers deterioration after a period of improvement. For a disease, as you see the example, 2 of the patients in remission relapsed after 48 months. They're talking about the disease, right? Similar to get worse, ill, have suffer, worsen, deteriorate. That's what the relapse is used for. But nowadays it's used for quote unquote addictions like drugs, porn, whatever, right? Nicotine, alcohol. And so the word relapse was originally meant for hospitalized patients, right? As their health went back to the unhealthy state after being hospitalized. In a study, okay, this is very important. In a study that viewed their choice, you know, the people that viewed their choice to drink alcohol as a relapse rather than a choice that they made ended up binging 9 times more on alcohol than those that just seen it as a choice. This is an actual study, right? And there's other studies that, basically prove this concept, which if you want more info, in my book it talks about it more in depth. Now here's the thing, before referring to the concept of relapse, the problem is instead of saying— this is the thing, because there's no such thing as a relapse when it comes to porn, right? It's not like your health gets worse, like it's not like you got hospitalized and that you were like in an LSD state. It doesn't apply to that. The problem is instead of saying I want to watch porn, use the concept to imply, you know, the concept of relapse to imply that you you have failed without wanting to. It's like you got forced to be abstinent, right? But the reality is you always wanted to. I'm not saying this to coerce you or force you to not watch porn. I'm saying like you have the desire, right? All of this time you've seen a lot of value in porn. So obviously, if for example, you think that porn is the best way to relieve your stress and you feel stressed out, well, you're gonna do that. I mean, you're gonna choose maybe to do that, to watch porn. right? Because you think it's the right choice in the back of your mind, even though there's consequences. We all know there are consequences. Like maybe you're gonna feel less confident, you're gonna make, I mean, you're not gonna be aligned with your faith. You're gonna have all of these downsides, but you think it's literally the best solution. It's like a medication, right? And so that's what happened. It's like you make the right choice in your mind, but then you feel shame. "That's it. That's it." It's just like in your mind you think, "This is the best choice right now, but I know that it comes with downsides, but I'm willing to make that sacrifice and pay those downsides, pay those costs in order to get that benefits, which is to relieve that stress right now because I cannot endure it anymore." I know there's morality, there are consequences to watching porn, but that's what you believe was the best and you made that choice. As much as people can say you're a monster for doing this and that you're deviant and that you're weird and that you're a pervert, look, it's just you made the choice based on the value that you perceive, okay? And if you want to make a different choice, okay, sorry for this mistake here. If you want to make a different choice when it comes to stop watching porn, then don't say you relapsed. What disease did you relapse from? Was it outside of your control? Were you like hospitalized because you had a disease and then like you went back to being unhealthy? No, right? You gotta remember that NoFap at the end of the day was created in 2011, right? From people that didn't have much knowledge about the topic. It was more like a project that they had, right? So they basically— what happened is they found a study, a very small study, okay, which is very popular nowadays, uh, of people that abstained from masturbation. After 7 days, they've seen an increase in testosterone for of like 145%. And so they created NoFap based on that, right? And then what they did, because they're not experts in any sense, right? They just attach recovery ideologies to porn, which also as a byproduct makes you more committed to being in those NoFap communities. If you really think about it, you really think that the guy who thinks, oh, I'm just free from porn, I don't need any help, is gonna stay in those communities, that he's going to go and watch all of these NoFap videos? No, there's 1.1 million users right now at the moment in 2025 on Reddit, on the NoFap subreddit, just the NoFap subreddit. And there are much more people just overall on this that are believing these ideas. If they didn't struggle and they just quit it like this, just like I did with video games, with any other things, well, do you really think that they would have a popular movement? No, because there wouldn't be any user. Okay? Because imagine everyone believed that, right? Imagine everyone believed that was just a choice, just like the choice to go for a walk instead of staying home, the choice of going to the gym instead of watching Netflix. No one will be watching NoFap videos. There will be no NoFap communities with millions of users, right? And look, I'll address the elephant in the room. There's obviously a huge business behind this. Okay, we're not gonna deny that. There is obviously huge business behind it, right? And it's the same with drugs, for example. It's the same with a bunch of things. There's business, and that's totally normal, right? And so obviously they want to make you committed to watch the content. They want to make you committed to be in their communities because it benefits them. We're not gonna deny that, right? And though the concept of urges and relapses are false because they imply that it's outside of your control, right? When in reality it was always in control. You just made the decision to watch porn based on what you believe was the best option at that moment. Okay, you have free will. Maybe you watch porn thinking it would give you something and it didn't, right? Like an empty promise. But that doesn't mean you relapsed, that you lost control, and that you did it even if you didn't want to. Imagine that you go to your friend's house and plan on just staying for like 15 minutes because you have other things to do, right? Because you're busy. but you end up talking with him for 3 hours. Was it that you lost control because you said, oh, I'm going to only do it for 15 minutes, but I did for 3 hours, that you relapsed because you've made this mistake many times in the past? No, it's just that you enjoyed it. And yeah, maybe there was the downsides that you didn't get any work done during that time, but you enjoyed it, so you chose to stay. There's no such thing such as a relapse. You only made a choice which you thought was your best option. The same way one guy might choose to buy a house, even though there's a lot of downsides and cost to owning a house. It costs a lot of money. It gives you a huge mortgage that you need to pay for years, right? You have a lot of debt, you have interest, you need to clean the house, you need to hire people to fix things sometimes, you need to do a lot of maintenance work, whatever, but people are willing to pay those costs in order to get what? The benefit of owning a house. Another guy might just save up and just choose to stay at an apartment. It's not like one relapses because he choose to do something with many costs and downsides, just like the house, and the other succeeded because he didn't buy a house, he just bought an apartment. It's just that they both compared the value and they said, you know what? There's a lot of value to the house. Yeah, there's downsides, but I'm willing to pay those downsides. I'm willing to pay those costs in order to get the benefit. The guy who bought the house perceives many benefits of owning a house, so he wants that. The guy who saved up perceives many benefits in saving up his money, but both could change their perspective and decide to do something else. It is really that simple, guy. You have free will, meaning that you can choose whatever you want to do.