Debunking Urges of Porn

All right guys, so today we're going to debunk urges, okay? Urges are not about biology. So let me explain how you can actually debunk them so that you don't even feel them for porn and masturbation, okay? Obviously this is not going to be about sex because, um, it would be a way different topic. And you know, it's— I don't think it holds much purpose to talk about, you know, um, urges regarding sex because I believe that they can be used to your advantage if you actually know how to use them. But that's another topic, like I said. So look, what is an urge? Okay, the thing is, an urge, okay, by NoFap means like something which like you have no control over, right? It's like, oh, you just have it and you know you cannot do much about it, right? It's like biology, right? It's like what is confusing is that like there's two theories behind urges and both we don't know if they're true or not, okay? The first theory is like, oh, it's because of biology, right? You watch porn because, man, there's so many women on one screen and you're able to reproduce with all of them, and that's why you watch porn, right? And then the other theory is, oh, uh, you watch porn because you're addicted, so that's why you have an urge, right? So it's like, okay, is it about biology or is it about addiction? Okay, and one thing that breaks, you know, both of these things, okay, biology and addiction, is that you'll realize that you don't watch porn when you feel, um, good, right? You don't watch it when you feel good. You only watch it when you feel down. And I'm not saying like down like you're depressed, but for example, if you're bored, lonely, uh, sad, um, frustrated, uh, when you feel some kind of negative emotion. Because when we look at the opposite state, which is happiness, it's like there's no— like we don't even feel the urge. right? We don't even feel like watching, but we think, oh, it's disgusting, right? Well, if you compare that, for example, to sex, right? If you compare that to, let's just compare it to sex, for example, right? Now, if you feel happy, you could still think about sex, right? And you could still quote unquote want sex. Now, why don't you feel porn, masturbation? Obviously, there's the aspect of perceived benefits, and that's why I don't wanna compare it so much to sex, But if we compare it to hunger, right? Because, okay, if you're— if it's about biology, then would you— why don't you feel urges the same way that you feel hunger? Meaning that, why don't you feel, um, urges when you feel good? Like, hungry— like, if you feel happy, you're still hungry, right? When I'm happy, I'm still hungry. I still want to eat food, right? Yeah, maybe sometimes I'm distracted, so I don't really think as much, but it's still the physical sensation. Happening, right? There's still the kind of biochemical reaction inside of my body that tells me, eat food, eat this food, right? And if you get to the point of starvation, you can actually die, right? You can actually die from starvation. Did you know anyone that died from not having sex, masturbating, watching porn? No, obviously not, because hunger is a survival need, whilst porn, masturbation, let's say sex and reproduction, right, and intimacy, It's simply a desire, okay? It's simply a desire. So that means that it's something that you want to do based on the value it gives you, right? And I'm not gonna argue and say, oh, there's no value in engaging in reproduction and all of those things. Like, obviously there's like some evolutionary benefits, but you still have fully control over it. There's still some people on this earth that, like priests, for example, like asexuals, like many different kind of people that literally don't even indulge in sexual behaviors. right? And I'm not saying to like pursue that lifestyle by any means, not at all, right? That's, that's not what this channel is about, but it just shows us that we have full control over it. We have mental autonomy. We're able to choose, right? If they're able to just like go without sex and it's not really a struggle, it's not like they, they're chained to a wall and cannot have sex. They just choose to. And obviously some will argue that some of them still do have sex and I, I can understand that, but obviously that's not 100% of the cases, right? So it shows that there's still, I mean, we're still able to control ourselves, right? And not control in terms of discipline, but just in terms of choice, just in terms of like, oh, I want to do this, I'm gonna pursue this, right? But you gotta be convinced of that choice. Now urges, okay? Because, okay, hunger, you don't feel the, I mean, you feel the hunger when you're hungry, you feel the hunger when you're busy, you feel the hunger when you do all of those things because the physical sensation. Urges, you need to first think in your mind that you have, that you want something, right? That you desire something. You desire, for example, having sex because you think it's gonna give you pleasure or it's gonna give you sexual relief. Or you watch, watching porn, you have an urge to watch porn because you think it's gonna relieve your pain. You think it's gonna relieve your boredom. You think it's gonna relieve your loneliness. So you have an urge, okay? And I'm gonna explain, but you not have an urge. Now, the thing is, the urge didn't come from physical sensation. You know how like your stomach growl when you're on, you're angry, or how you feel like certain physical sensations which you cannot really get rid of except if you do something physically to your body, uh, you know, through the mind. It's kind of hard. You can kind of like suppress it, but it's like you're still gonna feel something, right? And you know, with urges, there's none of that. There's none of like physical sensations. You can create the physical sensations down there, right, in your genitals, but you need to think, you need to fantasize for the— for this to happen. You literally need to use your own mind to create that feeling. It doesn't just happen out of nowhere. You need to create your own mind, okay? And that just shows us that it's really different. It's not biology, okay? And some people might say addiction, right? I'm gonna make a video debunking addiction, but what is an addiction, okay? Because the truth is, if you believe that, you know, porn is an addiction, then obviously like urges are going to be like you're gonna think you're gonna, you're having urges, okay? It's the same thing for withdrawals. I did a video debunking withdrawals. Withdrawals are just like a sensation, whether it's physical or mental or emotional, whatever, and we attribute it to the concept of withdrawal. It's not like there's something inside of your body called withdrawals that you can actually scan and, you know, remove from your body physically. No, it's just all in your mind. It's like you feel something, there's something happening inside of your body, for example, sickness if you take a drug, Or for porn, there's no, like, there's literally no side effects, quote unquote, except from your own mind, your focus, your brain, whatever. But there's literally no side effects. And even your brain, like, you need to let, you kind of need to use your mind in order to either have a positive or negative impact on your brain. Because you first learn something through your mind and then goes to your brain and your brain goes through your environment. Your environment gives feedback to the brain and the brain gives feedback to the mind. Okay, that's how it works. I might be unclear yet, but no worries. Okay, let me just explain. So if it's about addiction— now I don't want to make this video debunking addiction, but if it's about addiction, then like, why don't you feel urges when you're busy? Okay, you're addicted, but like, you know, addiction is a very, very flat concept because how can you define addiction? Some people will say, oh, you know, if you watch porn when you don't feel like it, then that means you have an addiction. So people will say, oh, if you watch porn once in your life, you have an addiction. If you watch porn when you're supposed to go to work, you have an addiction. Like, what is— there's no, like, you cannot quantify it, right? It's just like, oh, you have an addiction. Oh, if I say so, right? Which makes no sense. And you know, there's a big, big, big business behind like the recovery space, right? And the treatment space, because it's like, okay, if you like imagine, okay, just think about this for a second. I wanna change your perspective. Imagine you have an industry like the porn industry and you have an industry like the porn recovery industry, which obviously you can say I'm a part of, quote unquote, sadly. But both of these industries, okay, they kind of feed into each other because think about it, if you're watching porn just as a habit, right? And then one day you say, you know what, I'm gonna stop. Boom. Like there's so many people I know that just said, you know what, I'm gonna stop. I wanna change my lifestyle. Stop, boom, never went back to it. Or I mean, at least that's what they said, right? And it's been years, right? They haven't went back to it, no urges for porn or whatever, right? Obviously you cannot know 100%, but also you cannot know 100% that people watch porn in the first place, right? So it's that thing, okay? Now when you have this concept, okay, you watch porn, you enjoy it for the pleasure, it's not that big of a deal, right? It's just like, oh, people watch it. But then if they move on, for example, from life, Let's say, for example, they get into a relationship. Boom, they leave porn. It's not that hard for them. Now the thing is, and the problem we have is that also the porn industry obviously has some marketing where they say, oh, porn is gonna relieve your loneliness. It's gonna relieve your pain. It's gonna relieve your boredom, right? Just go and come and watch it. And yes, it's bad. I mean, it influences us in a negative way because now we believe that porn is gonna give us those benefits, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, meaning that We believe in something and because of that, it happens to us, right? We act according to that. Now the thing is, there's this marketing, but then you go into like the porn recovery space, AKA the NoFap space, and they tell you, oh, you know, you're addicted. So you don't really have much control over that. Now guess what? If you get the benefits of like being lonely and it's loneliness relief, it's a boredom relief, it's gonna give you a ton of pleasure, it's gonna allow you to just like, be less bored, be less in pain, just overall relief from your life and escape from your life. If you have all of these benefits from the porn industry, okay, let me write it with a right pen, but if you have all of these benefits from the porn industry and the recovery industry, now we have two problems, okay? Because you get the benefits here, right? You get the, the benefits, and then they tell you that you're stuck. So imagine, okay? And you'll see how this ties back to urges, but this is very, very, very insightful, okay? Okay, let me just write this better because this is kind of sad. See, benefits and you're stuck, okay? So now the thing is you get all of these benefits, but then you get told that you cannot really do much about it, right? Because you're addicted. Like you've been watching for so long. But the thing which, let me just explain to you right now what an urge actually is so that you can understand because this is literally gonna be the number one thing you need to learn about this video, okay? An urge, okay, this is not working. An urge is simply a want, okay? Now I don't use the word urge because urge implies that you have no control over it. Which is not true at all, right? Let me explain. It's a want, okay? You want to watch porn so you feel, quote unquote, an urge, right? That's what people say. Now, you want to watch porn, and what is a want? Want is the emotion associated with perceived benefits. So essentially, you want, you have an urge, you want something because of the perceived benefits. So for example, some people have an urge to play basketball because they perceive basketball to be the most fun thing on earth, right? We don't say they have an urge, we simply say they have a desire, they want to play basketball. Well, it's the same exact thing with porn. You want to watch a video on the screen, you want to watch that movie, you want to play that video game, you want to go outside, you want to read a book. You can't say you have an urge. It's not because some habits have, quote unquote, less pixels and less stimulation that it's not an urge and it's discipline. No, man, I used to, when I used to love reading books, I would literally crave reading books. I will actually look forward to reading books. When I'm working on my businesses, my projects, I look forward to it because I love it. It's like I have an urge. It's like if I don't do it, I feel bad. Literally. If I go like a few hours without it and I'm doing something else which I feel is unproductive, I have an urge to go back to work on my projects. I don't call it an urge. I just say that I want to work on that. For the perceived benefits, where it's like, oh, I love working, it just puts me like in a good state, it makes me feel better. Oh, I want to make money. Oh, I want to help my family. Oh, I want to build something, like leave a legacy. You know, there's so many perceived benefits, right? It's all perceived benefits. So I want to do it, okay? That's what we need to understand. Emotion is the, okay, want is the emotion associated with perceived benefits. So when you want to watch porn because of the benefits that you perceive in porn, because they've been telling you that, oh, you know, when you watch the ads on these sites, it's like, oh, you're lonely? Come with us and watch this, right? Oh, you're bored? Ah, look, this is gonna be a lot of stimulation, right? And it's the way that it's kind of like marketed inside of the videos, inside of the website. And it's obviously using like kind of quote-unquote, you meant psychology. It doesn't mean you have no control over it. It just means that it appeals to what they've been telling you to want, basically, right? So you have all of these perceived benefits, and then the recovery space tells you you're stuck. You have an urge to watch it. You're addicted, so you're, you're gonna always come back to it. Guess what? Now what happens is you want to watch porn, so now they tell you, oh, you cannot really move on from porn because you're addicted. They, they completely ignore all of the benefits you perceive. They just tell you, oh, there's something wrong with your brain. It's been rewired differently. And so you just literally stay stuck. You literally stay stuck because you still crave porn, you still want porn because of the benefits it gives you. When you feel lonely, you're like, oh man, I need to watch porn because it's gonna ease my loneliness. Even if it's for like 30 seconds, even if it's like 1 hour or 24 hours, whatever, you get the benefit, like you want the benefit. Now, it might be pleasure, for example, they completely ignore that and tell you, oh, it's because you have a biological urge, it's because you're gonna reproduce with so many women. Bullshit. The moment you remove the perceived benefits, because they're perceived, they're not actually in porn, they're just benefits that you perceive, and because you perceive them, it becomes an active placebo. And also, what you need to understand is the mind is so powerful, it can create those benefits. If you believe that porn is gonna give you those benefits, then it's gonna happen just with your own mind. It's a placebo, not with porn, but just with your own mind, right? When you're gonna be watching porn, you're gonna create those benefits inside of you without even needing porn. And just because you use porn as a cue to say, oh, I'm gonna feel better. Because think about it, right? Do you really have a biological urge to go on a screen, watch a video about two people having sex? No. Do you have an urge to go and watch video of eating, of people eating food just because you don't have food in front of you right now? Come on, like, let's use logic. And it's not even a survival need, it's literally a desire, that's it, right? So, and it's not to shame anyone that watches porn, I'm just trying to explain like the logic behind those things because the recovery space basically clouds why you even watch porn. They say, oh, you know, porn, you know, it's bad, but you know, they don't even talk about the benefits you perceive, right? And that's what creates the urge. And once you remove those specific benefits, urge is disappeared, right? Because think about it again, you don't watch when you feel good, you watch when you feel down because you perceive benefits of like, oh, it's gonna relieve my stress, it's gonna relieve my anxiety, it's gonna relieve my loneliness, it's gonna relieve my boredom, my frustration, my depression, my emotional pain, my sexual, my sexual need. And that's another big myth. How is porn tied to sex, right? I have a video called Debunking Sexual Relief. And I also have many, many videos on each specific benefits that you get out of that you perceive in porn to debunk them so that you don't even feel like you're getting— I mean, so that you don't even want to watch porn in the long term. Because, you know, if you remove those specific benefits from your own mind that you associate with porn, boom, like there's no desire to watch porn. That's why people don't believe— it's because of the porn recovery space, because they, they've been told over and over again that they, they just watch porn without controlling themselves, which is not true. It's just that they want to watch porn for the specific benefits So they get an urge. The want is emotion associated with perceived benefits. They feel overwhelmed, they feel like, I need to watch porn, right? Because of the perceived benefits. Just think about it, right? If you feel stressed and porn is apparently a stress reliever, now it's literally like you have a sickness and there's a solution in front of you. Of course you're gonna want a solution. Of course you're gonna have an urge for the solution. Of course you're gonna take it no matter what because of the perceived benefits because it's going to cure your problem and cure your sickness. It's really that simple, guys. So if you want to get rid of urge, just debunk the benefits. Just completely say, you know what, let me just debunk that. I have like so many videos— not so many videos as in like so many videos explain different benefits, but I have specific videos. I have one about pleasure, okay? And let me just actually write down those, those benefits that creates the urge, okay? There is here pleasure, there is sexual relief, and of course there's also beliefs that comes into play. But most of the time it's really the benefits that creates the biggest pull, kind of quote unquote like want towards porn, okay? So sexual relief, pleasure, there's the overall emotional relief. So emotional relief, there's stress relief, there's anxiety relief, there's emotional pain relief, there's frustration relief, there's so many of those things. But mostly it's these 3, right? And on top of that, what can create quote-unquote the want, or what people call the urge, is beliefs, right? So that might be, for example, addiction. Oh, I'm addicted, right? Or withdrawals, right? Oh, I have withdrawals, that's why I need to watch porn. But most of the time, you just, you using those concepts of addiction withdrawals in order to feel less shame so that you can get those quote-unquote benefits, right? And it's not to say that you're a bad person at all, right? And that's not like what I teach. But instead, it's just to show you that like these are the reasons, these are the benefits, that's what you're trying to get out of porn. Once you remove, I mean, once you realize that they're not inside of porn, they're just based on your beliefs, you're like, oh, okay, you don't even want to watch porn. You don't even want to masturbate because the truth is there's nothing good in biology, right? And I also have a video debunking masturbation, debunking the common misconceptions and beliefs around masturbation that makes people want to masturbate. I have a video on that, go and watch it. It's an hour and 10, but it's literally the best video you can ever watch in your entire life because it allows you to simply go back to the natural state of human beings, which is they're not necessarily craving porn or masturbation. Because if they— if we just go back in time, if we just, or, you know, uh, just look at people in general that don't indulge in porn masturbation in their entire life, we see that they never been told about porn masturbation as this thing that's going to give them pleasure, sexual relief, emotional relief. You know, if you just think about someone that lives in, uh, in a farm, for example, and yeah, you might have electronic devices, but it's not to be influenced, right? It's the same way as in like You know how in society there's sometimes like kids, like very young, right? That are like 5, 6, 7, and they already know about like the, you know, certain sexual behaviors. They know about like, you know, certain trends that are like extremely weird. Like for example, like if you think about like a kid talking about like a blowjob and he's like 6 years old, right? That's happening more and more, not because of necessarily the, their biology, not because they're gonna have puberty, but because they literally learn those things. They literally learn those things through videos, through information, through their environment, through friends, whatever. So they learn those things and now they just start using it, right? And it's the same thing. We learned that, oh, porn is gonna give us pleasure. We learned that porn is gonna give us a sexual relief. We learned that porn and masturbation is gonna give us emotional relief. And if we never learned it, we never want to watch porn and masturbate, even if it was in front of us. right? That's the thing. Even if it was in front of us, because we wouldn't perceive it to be beneficial to us. We wouldn't perceive it to be like a solution to some of our problems. So really be self-aware of that because, man, it's gonna just allow you to quit like this instantly, right? It's gonna be very simple. So if you have any questions, let me know down below in the comments. I'm, I'm gonna answer the questions. If you wanna be coached by me one-on-one, I actually have, uh, a few spots left for this month. You can go down in the first link in the description and book a call with me. Anyways, it's Samir Gardner. I'm out. Peace.