How to Break the Binge–Relapse Cycle for Good

Why do we binge? Why is it that we go a few weeks, a few months without porn, without masturbation, and then we have one slip-up and we binge for the rest of the day or for the next few days? And look, I've been there before and I've helped countless men who had this exact struggle of complete freedom to binging. And that was a cycle for them where they would go a certain number of days, a certain number of weeks, or even sometimes months. And then they'll come back to porn. But then that cycle of binge, relapse, binge, relapse, will happen for years. I'm not talking about just once or twice, but for years. And there are specific reasons why this happens, and in this video I'm going to go over them so that you can really get to the root of this, to the specific issue, and learn how to really move on permanently, where you get to a state where you don't even think about going back to porn. You don't even have the desire to do it again. You just moved on and you're pursuing your goals, your dream life, meaningful things instead. Now, one of the main reasons why people binge is because they have an all-or-nothing mindset, a dichotomous style of thinking, or what we call a black and white thinking style. It's either they're in or they're completely out. And the issue here is not even porn itself. It's not even masturbation. Believe it or not, it's actually NoFap. NoFap has told you that quitting porn is about streaks. It's about a certain number of days that if you just watch porn once, the progress doesn't matter anymore. It's all erased. You start back at square zero. They also told you that one of the most important things things in life is to be completely free from porn, to have the longest streak possible, because the longer your streak, the more benefits you'll gain, the more your life will overall be successful in different areas of your life. So we put so much importance on quitting porn, and we also have an all-or-nothing mindset when it comes to this. This is a very dangerous combination, because now you're saying, this is so important, but if I just mess up once, then it's all over. So guess what happens when you PMO? Well, it's all over, and this was so important. There's nothing else that is as important, maybe in your mind. So of course you'll binge because when you binge and you have these counting days mindsets, you think, well, I'm on day 0. You're operating based on that belief that you're on day 0. Therefore, why don't I just like enjoy it for the rest of the day because day 1 starts tomorrow? Or sometimes it's demoralizing to know that you're going to start at day 1 tomorrow. Might as well just enjoy it for the next few days and then I'll start like a few, a good streak because being on day 2 is still painful. You see how like counting days and having this NoFap mindset is only destructive to an individual. It's like imagine you're making progress at the gym. You're going there, you're showing up and you see your physique changing by the day. And then one day you eat junk food and you don't show up at the gym even though you were supposed to. And there's another problem with this approach. If you make quitting porn a strict goal of I need to be free forever, you have good intentions. Like imagine you skip the gym that day and then suddenly you're like, oh, I'm back to square one. You know that's not the case. But why is it the case with PMO? Why is it a relapse means you're back at square one? And square one from what? Square one based on your progress in life? Probably not. Square one based on your achievements? Probably not. It's just you're playing the wrong game. You're playing a game where you're bound to lose. And I'm saying bound to lose. Yes, it is good that you really, really want to quit to the point where you're willing to try as hard as possible. But there is in the a effortless way to go about it. And this is what I'm going to present to you. Now, another problem with this NoFap sort of mindset, this all-or-nothing mindset, is that we often make quitting porn such a strict and rigid goal. It's like a rigid rule that you have of, I need to be free forever. Or sometimes it's, I need to be free for 90 days. Then when I'll achieve 90 days, I'll be free forever. And then you might get to 90 days and then you still face your desire and you still have those desires and you might even come back to PMO. Then you think, oh no, actually I need to go to 1 year without porn and masturbation. So then it's never really ending because it's also always in the back of your mind. You always fear, oh, I'm on day, let's say, 455, but I fear going back. And this is the issue also. You're always thinking, okay, I'm on day this and that. You start fearing that you're going to come back. Meaning, when you feel fear, it means that it's going to be in your mind. It's going to be something you constantly worry about. How can you move on from something, how can you be free of something if you're always worried about that thing? By definition, you're not free if you're always worried about that. The guy on day 15 that is not worried anymore and he doesn't fear porn masturbation is actually way more free. And the likelihood that he actually stays free for longer permanently is much higher as he will move on and start maybe new goals and maybe live his life and do different things. Whilst the other guy is worried too much and he's spending too much time thinking about what if I relapse, what if I go back, oh, I need to fight my desires today, and so on. In any ways, when you say my goal is to be free from porn forever, when will that happen? What is the criteria that needs to be met in order for you to be free forever? Is it that you need to have zero thoughts about it? You need to have zero desires? You see how like the goal is so strict that you make it almost impossible to achieve Not saying that permanent freedom is impossible, that's not the case, but to really make it your focus, to make you becoming permanently free your goal, sometimes is also so far out, you think it's going to take so much time that you don't see it happening anytime soon. Therefore, you're not going to have that open optimism, and therefore, you're not going to probably want to continue whenever you're faced with the desire. And again, going back to the all-or-nothing mindset, if you just slip up once, which is completely natural, completely normal with any behaviors we leave behind. We go back to it as, yes, we have the intention, we want to quit forever, but we were used to those behaviors. We were used to the smoking, we were used to the junk food, so we do it a few more times and then we leave it. I'm not saying that you need to go and watch porn again. No, I'm saying that if it does happen, interpret it as this is just me making a mistake. Let me repent, let me move on with my day. Let me not panic about this. Why would I panic about this? I wanted to do it, now I realize that maybe it's not worth it. Let focus on other things that are important to me. Let me not do it again. And then you have the intention. And even if you're going back to it a few more times, you'll see that on one point you'll do it less and less to a point where now you're just not, you don't even care about it as you're more focused and you care much more about other important parts of your life. Because if you say your goal is to be free forever and you really make it the goal to reach, to achieve, what if you just slip up once? That means that you'll probably interpret that as evidence that maybe you'll never ever even become free. And all that to say, permanent freedom can be effortless if you go about it the right way. The first thing you want to do is you want to change your objective. Instead of having like strict rigid rules like never watch porn ever for the rest of my life, which is again possible. I'm not implying that this is hard or impossible. Not at all. But rather when you change strict rigid rules for more flexible guidelines, you're like, I'm going to quit porn. My intention is to quit this forever. So I'm going to do my best when it comes to avoiding it. You know what? If I go back to it, if I do it again because I'm bored or for whatever reason, then I'll just repent and move on with my life. And eventually I'll be free forever. Or maybe you can make your goal to not make it a streak, but rather let me do it as less as I can. If I can zero, if I do it once this month, 29 days, which I haven't done it. So that's good. Therefore, you're going to feel more hopeful. You're going to feel better about this. You're going to feel more confident and then permanent freedom because you don't feel that shame because you don't think I failed. Therefore, I'm going to fail again. It's going to be much easier. It's going to be natural to you. You'll start experiencing life without porn and you'll see objectively this is much better. Why do I even need to do it once a month? Let me just completely cut it off. Let me get used to it. And everything becomes easier as you also think more rationally rather than emotionally. And let me give you this example. Imagine that your goal is to stop swearing because recently you realize that swearing is bad for you. It's— you're giving the wrong impression. It's not professional for your job. You want to get closer to God, and you know that this kind of gets in the way. Would you count the days of you not swearing? Or would you think more, okay, let me just try to not swear. Let me do my best. Maybe even if you want to be more advanced, let me think of the benefits I'll gain from not swearing. How it's going to help me with my career, with achieving success, with getting closer to God. Let me look at that. Let me make that the goal. You don't count the days of you not swearing. It is a decision that you make because you think it will benefit you. This is exactly how you want to see porn. Do not make quitting porn the goal. Make quitting porn a decision that you make because you believe that it will support your goals, support what's important to you. Let me repeat, do not make quitting porn the goal, but rather make it a decision that you believe will support your goals, what matters to you, your purpose, what's meaningful, what drives you in life. To just sum it up, to make it very simple for you, instead of again making quitting porn a goal, making quitting masturbation this specific hard goal of I need to be free for this amount of days or I need to be free forever, that essentially quitting PMO is something to achieve. Because it's not, it's a decision. Instead, let me quit and focus on what can I gain from quitting that would actually, instead of making quitting PMO an achievement, focus, focus more on, on what do you actually want to achieve and look at how quitting porn masturbation is going to help you with that. Completely ditch this notion of I need to count the days. Completely ditch this mindset of if I slip once, then it's the end of the world. And I'll just add this. When you watch porn and masturbate and you feel shame and you you're not productive. And for me, when I first found out about NoFap, I would do this. I would go on a few days without porn and masturbation, and then I would go back, I would relapse, and then I would feel down for days. I'm talking about for 4 days straight, I would do nothing but stay in my bed, watch videos, try to motivate myself. I had no confidence. I believed this was a pure self-fulfilling prophecy that I couldn't talk to my family, I couldn't talk to people around me because I watched porn. And it's shameful, or that's how we just naturally react when we watch porn. But that was all the lie that I was told by NoFap. I didn't realize before I really moved on forever. The last few times that I PMO'd, I realized that I was able to do the bad deed and I realized, oh, I can be as productive. Yes, I did waste time. Yes, I do feel bad. Yes, I'm going to repent, but I can be productive too. I can just continue my day as if nothing happened. What would happen is I would just go back, work on my projects at that time. I had a clothing brand. I would just be productive, and then I would just talk to people normally. And I realized nothing was holding me back. I was holding myself back. So do not hold yourself back by making quitting porn such a hard goal and making it a catastrophe whenever you have one slip up. Because when you react differently to slip ups, when you have this growth mindset and you think, okay, yes, I did slip up. Yes, I did make maybe the wrong decision. Maybe it wasn't as beneficial as I thought it would be. And it goes against my morals. But let me think out how I can grow from this. Let me bounce back from this and do more in my life. Let me go and sign up to this martial arts class so I can just overall make progress and not waste my time anymore. This is when real change is going to happen and it's going to be permanent change. You're not going to go back to that cycle over and over again. If you want to learn how to remove the pleasure that you associate with porn, I made a full in-depth guide. Just click the video right here and I'll see you guys in the next video.