How to Deal With Strong Urges to Watch Porn

In this video, I'm going to give you access to a video I've made recently for my students inside of my coaching on how to deal with strong urges. Now, this has been literally the most asked question ever since I started coaching 4 years ago, where people always and constantly ask me, Samir Gardner, how do I handle strong urges? Right? And that's been the worry for most people as they feel as if like they lose control in that exact moment. So in this video, I'm going to show you both the root cause as to why do you have these strong urges in the first place. Where are they even coming from so that you can cut them from the root and not really have them anymore, as well as understanding how can you actually deal with desires in the moment when you are in the thick of it, right? When you are facing those desires so that you can then by the end of this video really have this sense of confidence knowing that this is just a desire that is not going to make you go back to PMO again and have you feeling shame and guilt. Now this is a pretty long video because it covers many different aspects that are not only going to be valuable when it comes to you handling urges, but also to you quitting porn and masturbation in the long term. So please, if you want this video to actually work, you need to be focused first of all. So turn off your phone or any notifications, really focus and take this seriously because this could be the video that's going to really change everything for you. And I'm about to present information to you that you've never came across before. So focus, take down some notes, and whenever there are things to reflect on, then make sure that you actually take the time to reflect. All right guys, so I'm going to go in depth into the topic of how to deal with strong urges, okay? That has been over the past few years of me coaching people in my experience, the most asked about question, not from people that I would be coaching per se, but more from my audience and people that I wasn't necessarily coaching one-on-one yet. Okay? And that has been one of this dilemma for people where they're like, well, how do I do it? Yeah, I can be free for months, years, whatever. But it's like, how do I deal with the sudden strong urge that's going to essentially overpower me? Right? So we're really going to go in depth into this video. Right? Take your notebook or take the workbook if you have it. And write down some notes, right? Jot down some notes. Now, this is not like a video that I would say you would watch straight from the start if you just joined the one-on-one coaching, for example, right? But I would argue that it would be a video that you'd watch a bit more down the line, okay? A video that once you really understand the materials a bit more in depth, then you'd watch. Because this is not to say that this video contains concepts that are so hard to understand, but instead that I'm presenting multiple different aspects and different ways to deal with this specific problem that's going to go to the root of that problem as well as how to deal with it practically, right? Like in terms of action, because of course going to the root means like going over like why do you even have the urge in the first place? But there's also the thing of like dealing with the desire in the moment, which is what most people ask, right? So we're going to really tackle both within this video, okay? So the preface is, okay, kind of wanna tell you again, like this is more of like a root-based approach per se, not necessarily root as in like why do you have the desire, but more so like, you know, the foundations. I can tell you how, okay, to deal with emotions, desires, pain, challenges, suffering, you know, changing yourself, transcending, things of that nature, right? But if there's no why to change, and there's no clear goal, okay, then why change the same habits you've been indulging in for years? By indulging, there's no negative connotation. I hope you know that. I'm just saying you've been doing for years. What's the real purpose? What's the real purpose of changing? It can't just be because it's good for me, because someone else on the internet said it was good for me, because this NoFap coach or the self-improvement YouTuber I'm listening to says to quit porn. Sure, it's very good. Like, you know, and these type of information that you might get from other people will probably create that desire within you to change and quit porn, right? But it's like, okay, why do you want to change your life for the better? You know, good for what exactly? This is what I want you to really, you know, think of. The why, okay? When you have a clear why, a clear image of how you want to change and why you want to change more importantly, what's going to happen, this is why it's so powerful, is you're going to have an unconscious blueprint to make your decision. Like you have a blueprint in the back of your mind of, okay, I should make this decision right now in that moment because this is going to be better for me. When you don't have that, sure, you know that like for example, eating junk food is bad for you, but if you don't have an unconscious blueprint, then what happens is, yeah, you know it's bad for you, but at the same time, like it feels good to eat it maybe for you. And maybe also it provides an escape. So it's like, well, you know, it's almost as if like both options to eat junk food or not are as valuable, if that makes sense, in that moment. I mean, depending on the situation, obviously. But then when you have like an unconscious blueprint, what happens is you start stacking reasons to essentially not eat the junk food. And so it becomes like, oh, if I make the decision to not eat junk food, and this is more on a conscious level that it happens, but if I make the decision to not eat the junk food, then what happens is I'll be able to essentially get all of these benefits. All of these reasons that I have for not eating junk food are going to actualize. We're going to go a bit more in depth into that so I don't just ramble off this point. Think about it like this. I still remember talking to one guy, he was like 22 years old, and he told me this, and this is very common amongst people that are about to be fathers, right? So this guy was, he had a pretty tragic story. But remember when I was in Vegas earlier this year, 2025, went to a business mastermind and the guy that I was hanging out with, we were going down the popular streets of Vegas. I was talking to him and he said to me when his partner, told him that he was essentially going to become a father, he said that suddenly he started to have this thing in the back of his mind of like, let me get rid of these bad things in my life that won't help me with this specific goal of being a good father. And let me add the things that will actually help me with the specific goal of becoming a father, if that makes sense, of being a good father. Right. And so it's almost as if, because we all know fatherhood is one of these things that we can argue intrinsically, intuitively will be something that will motivate a human being depending on who they are and what do they want. But in most cases, it will motivate them to just take their life way more seriously and really improve their lives in a positive sense, right? And so this guy was like, it just immediately made me stop doing certain things, right? Not as in cause and effect, but it made him realize, okay, maybe I should stop doing this specific habit, maybe it didn't tell me anything, but maybe it's like, for example, smoking, or maybe it's, for example, hanging out with people that just wastes time, things of that nature. Because he realized, well, now I have a kid, right? I'm going to have a kid. It's in the future. It's not like, yeah, I had the kid. And sadly, what happened with the story, not to shock you, but his partner died when she was pregnant, which is very sad. But what happened is he said that at that time, he had this unconscious like you can say, you didn't say it word for word, but it's like a blueprint of like, okay, I should make the decision based on that specific thing that I'm going to be in the future and I'm going to have in the future, right? And so the vision and the why kind of like acts as that, if that makes sense, as like imagine you were to become a father, right? Because right now, okay, your life or maybe your approach to PMO, quitting PMO would be, okay, well, if I don't PMO, I'm going to maybe keep a streak, meaning like I'm going to feel good and I'm going to have that momentum of of not watching porn. This is like a benefit, like a reason. Or I'm going to have more energy. I'm going to have more motivation day to day. I'm going to have no shame, essentially. I'm going to feel better. And then with PMO, PMO, it's like, oh, well, if I PMO right now, let's say that I'm stressed and I'm feeling not well, I can be relaxed. I can fix my loneliness. I can relieve the pain. I can feel more pleasure. And sure, if you've been watching my videos, you know that these benefits are like illusional in the sense of like, PMO is not like a drug that you intake and that it suddenly removes these problems from your life. I would argue that it just delays and distracts yourself from whatever problems that you're facing in your life. And these problems might be causing these emotions or the sense of being uncomfortable, but that's another topic, right? But you see how the scale is kind of like equal. As in like, yeah, you have good reasons to PMO, but you also have good reasons to not PMO, right? Now with a clear vision and why, right? This is what happens most of the time, right? Now, of course, when I say most of the time, because it just depends on like, you know, you as an individual, right? There's no one size fits all, right? It's not like, oh yeah, if I tell you that, you know, quitting PMO porn is going to give you the ability to deal with stress, but then it's like, you don't really care about dealing with stress, right? Then it's like, well, like the benefits or that the reason doesn't really appeal to you. But if I said that to someone who is like a leader that deals with a lot of stress and he wants to be the best leader, so he knows that he needs to deal with stress. If I told him that quitting porn would help him deal with stress, it's going to appeal to him and that's going to become one of his motivating factors to not watch porn, right? Both in the short term and the long term, right? So if you have a clear vision of why, it's like imagine you still have the same reasons to PMO and the same reasons to not PMO, but now you have things both short-term and long-term that's going to motivate you 10 times more at large, right? For example, right, this is just an example. This doesn't have to mean that you have to do the same exact, to have the same exact reasons in your vision or why. But for example, imagine you have, okay, I'm a father. I'm going to become a father in let's say a few years and I want to be the best father, right? You have that really clear vision around that, right? And you know why you want to have that and you have a clear mission. Okay, I'm going to help people that struggle with the same exact thing I struggle with. I'm going to make that my mission or I'm going to do that now, whatever. Legacy. I want to have this amount of kids and be able to build this building for people in need, whatever. And role model. Okay, I'm going to become the guy that has this physique and that he is strong. He can protect other people. People come up to him to ask him questions because He has knowledge about different topics because he reads so many books, whatever, right? You see, it's like once you have that, it's like, okay, if I quit porn and I have these goals, that means if I quit porn, it's only going to benefit me to get this, if that made sense, right? And so when you face, let's say you just decide to quit porn, it's been 7 days, and then it's like, yeah, you kind of feel the desire to go back to porn, whatever, what people call, an urge, right? Even though I don't use the word urge, it's like, well, now you have like these very, very strong reasons to not PMO that might make PMO, I'd argue, even completely irrelevant, right? And so what is an urge though? Okay. An urge, according to definition, is like a strong, sudden desire or impulse to do something, often something that brings quick relief, right? Or sometimes pleasure. But the thing is with an urge, what we need to understand is that people use that for porn and they say someone will always want porn because of these sudden urges that will always reappear. And that's the misconception. Let's debunk this. Do you get the urge to PMO the same way you get the urge to pee? And what do I mean by that? I'm not saying that your desire for watching porn or masturbating is fake. Not at all. I'm not saying that you shouldn't desire porn or masturbation by any means. There's something wrong with you if you desire it, or it's completely unnatural. I'm not saying that, right? What I'm saying is I'm kind of like challenging the notion that you have what people would say, not word for word, but what people would say is, is very strong, compelling desire that would almost overpower you, right? The urge to pee is kind of like that, right? Where it's like you have to pee and if you don't pee, your body is going to force you to go and pee, right? Maybe it's going to do it by itself. I don't know, I never went to that extent, but your body is going to really make you uncomfortable until you can finally relieve that, right? And so with PMO, do you have the same thing? That's the question, right? And also with peeing, okay, you have the urge to pee even if you are busy, even if you're having a fun time with your friends, that you're feeling happy, that you're feeling accomplished. With PMO, we don't even think about PMO. We don't even desire PMO. I'm saying for most people, I'm not saying for everyone, right? But for most people, We don't even think about PMOing in those instances when we feel happy, but only when we feel negative and bad. And so this here just like completely dismantles the concept of, oh yeah, we PMO simply because it's biology, right? Because it's our desire. Well, it's like, okay, if that's the case, then why is it that you only do it when you feel negative and not when you feel positive? Because if it's biology, then for example, if I'm hungry, I got to eat food. Even if I feel happy, I'm still hungry, if that makes sense. Sure, my psychological state might, for example, suppress some of these desires, for example, to eat or to drink. I might forget about them for a second, but then at one point they will really surge and then they'll be there and almost forcing me or else I'm going to have some bodily effect. Now the question is, what are these bodily effects with PMO? Sure, there's arousal, right? But then arousal is not necessarily linked to PMO itself. It can just be linked to the real desire for intimacy. Okay? So that's another topic. But yeah, the desire to PMO isn't some unstoppable force that controls or lingers in your mind until you give in. It's just a passing desire or thought, powerful only if you believe it is, right? And I wanna touch upon, a very, very interesting thing to demonstrate that. And that is a research by Marius Romm. So that research was done in the 20th century where Romm compared healthy hallucinators with psychiatric patients. Okay? So healthy hallucinators, like people that had hallucinations and were hearing voices and things of that nature, right? And they found that the main difference was this, okay? It was that healthy non-patients, the healthy hallucinators, believed that they were stronger than their voices. Whilst psychiatric patients, those that were in psychiatry, those that were essentially had a negative response to their hallucinations and it was actually having an effect on their lives, they saw their voice as powerful and threatening. And that was the main difference. The main difference was just this belief that, oh yeah, my voices that I hear in my mind or these hallucinations that I have, well, they're not as powerful as me in a sense of they can't overpower me. And because of that, they can't really do anything to me. And so it had no negative effect on their lives. Whilst on the flip side, the people that believe, and of course this the whole thing of schizophrenia and psychosis and things of that nature, or hallucinations, they're a different topic that requires us to go much more in depth into that topic alone. But they saw those that were essentially true recovery for their hallucinations, they simply saw their voices as powerful, threatening. And because of that, they thought that their voices were overpowered. Because of that, it led to different sets of actions and as well as negative effects on their lives. This is key to understand. And so it's just a desire. So desires exist for many things in life. You might feel the desire to sleep with a prostitute. I always bring up this example in my book. You can feel the desire to sleep with a prostitute, yet you know that desire won't compel you to take that action. Sure, I know some cases, And this is not uncommon. And by uncommon, I mean like this is not uncommon within the space of people that say they heavily struggle with lust, right? There is, I'll say by uncommon, it's still rare to a certain extent where people go and actually pay prostitutes, right? I'm not gonna deny that. But for some people it's a hard, hard, hard no. They might think about it, they might even desire it, they might even, go on their website and look at it and see the different options, but they know that they will never pay one. Because here's the thing, that desire, first of all, comes from you. But second, your thoughts and your desires cannot overpower you. They're not like an external force coming there to force you to do something which would be, of course, bad for you. It's more so, again, like a desire means like rationally you think that this is going to help you in the moment. And I don't want to go in too much in depth into the topic of prostitutes and saying, for example, someone that wants to sleep with a prostitute, it's not there's nothing wrong with him, but sometimes he might be thinking, well, I never had intimacy. And so if I were to have intimacy and pay that, maybe I would have an experience of sex. And then maybe that's going to help me know what sex is like before I get married, for example. It might seem irrational, but then What's irrational when they say out loud might be rational to them. And so that's how we need to really go about it. But look, okay, if it comes from you, which means you're the one creating it in the first place, you always have also control over it. This is the thing people freak out about, the desires, about their own desires. And sometimes because they freak out and have that shame associated with that, they just then completely leave it to emotions and they don't rationalize what decision should they make. Right? So for more, I would have a video on disproving urges that I highly suggest you watch. At the moment that I'm recording this video, it's not been uploaded yet. I'm still working on it, but it will be there soon. Okay. So video games, video games is something which, you know, we could argue is as a very similar makeup to PMO. Okay, both are on the screen. Both have concepts that relate to real life, right? For porn, we can argue that there's reproduction and intimacy, which are things that humans universally desire. And then for video games, we could argue there's even more where you have the social aspect where you can get like in a tribe. That's an argument where you can have like this tribe effect where you have a group of friends and you're going on missions and you're accomplishing things. The second thing is you have competition, which especially for men is something which we could argue is in our innate predisposition to want to compete with other people and to want to win. Third, there's also the concept of achievements, which is very, very prevalent within video games where you can rank, you can climb up the ranks, just like we could argue, if you were to live in a tribe. I mean, even today in a society, right? We have like jobs and we have like businesses and like making money, income. There's like ranks, right? That we can climb up the ladder, whatever, right? And there's more like fourth, like novelty. There's always new things to see, new things to accomplish. There's updates, there's things of that nature, right? And so we could argue that video games could be even more addicting based on the concept of addiction that people use for PMO. And so the thing is, if you don't have video games anymore, do you have an urge? So this is the thing I want you to kind of like really go over. From my personal experience, I went and played video games, and I say this multiple times in so many of my videos, that I used to play video games hours and hours a day. Okay? And by hours a day, I don't mean like, oh yeah, just play after school 2 hours. I would play after school 4 hours at least, depending on the day, right? Sometimes it was more, sometimes it was less. And then I would wake up and try to play when there was school break or over the weekend. I would play for easily 12 hours a day during summer break. I would play up to 16 hours a day. I literally, okay, I was invited by my family invited. I mean, they wanted me to come with them to different vacations, like going to the United Kingdom, which is, I'm from Canada, like United Kingdom is like a country that not many people can visit, right? To Morocco because I'm African and Morocco is also such a nice country to visit. And I was like, oh no, I don't want to come in. I created an excuse at that time saying that Yeah, I just want to go and I'm going to get a job so I can't come with you guys. But the reality is I just wanted to play video games. I would bring my Xbox to other people's place to continue playing my video game instead of talking to them. And I would bring up the excuse of, no, but it's because I have no one to talk to when I'm there with you guys. And so that's the thing. Now, when I left video games, did I have incredible powerful urges to go and play again, right? This is the thing we're going to tackle. Okay? For me, video games, and also for most people, I'd argue that play a lot of video games, not just people that just play once in a while or they just play a few hours a day for fun. For me, video games at the level I was playing, it was like an achievement because I would be very good to the point where I would be able to compete. And achieve the higher ranks in that video game, right? Where it's like, if I were to play even more or a few more years, I'd probably reach, you can say, the high level, like you can essentially play professionally, right? And then there was also the relief for loneliness. I was very lonely at that time, right? I had no friends. I would be bullied, things of that nature. So it's like, for me, I was able to have friends on the video games that I would play with every single day almost. Then third, escape from problems. I was bullied, things of that nature. My life was not good. I had no achievements at all. No woman ever liked me. So it's like I would use it as escape from my problems. I would be getting, again, the competition, the achievements, being able to compete with other people. And then there's the sense of power, being able to, for me to play video games, in real life, I wouldn't be able to express myself. I was the nice guy. I was the guy that didn't want to fear of being rejected. I didn't want any confrontation. But then when I was playing video games, it was far much easier for me to do so, where I would trash talk and then just express myself and say, "Oh, you're bad. We just beat you," whatever. This is my past to sum it up. But yeah, so you see I'm getting all of these things from video games. So the question is, okay, if I take away something that once gave me what I craved in life, here, what I craved in life here, and I thought that video games was going to give it to me, isn't it natural that I'd still want it when I abstain from it? Okay? I'm saying, is it natural I'd still want those when I decide to abstain from what I thought would give me those things? Okay? This is the thing I want you to really reflect upon, because if we really think about it, it's not like just a random powerful urge, right? And then we say, oh no, it's just an urge, it's just withdrawals. And we just blame it on dopamine, on addiction, on serotonin, whatever people use nowadays. But is it just normal that I'm getting all of those things? So yeah, of course I'm going to still desire what I thought was going to give me all of those things if I don't have it anymore. It's like imagine I have an headache and then the only solution I would know is this specific pill, and then you take out the specific pill as a solution, I would crave that. I would try to find a way to get it so I can finally fix my headache. It's really that simple. Now, okay, think about it. Imagine this. Imagine you go and let's say you're lonely, a single man, and is 30s or late 20s and you live in your apartment and maybe also you could just kind of personalize this example to your specific situation as it might relate. But imagine this, right? And imagine that you are that man and you go to your family's house and you guys have a nice dinner. Everyone is there. You guys eat, you guys have fun. Maybe your sisters and brothers, they bring their kids, whatever, right? And you're having a fun time, you're feeling happy, right? You have essentially no desire to PM, right? In that instance, probably, right? In most cases, you'd be like, yeah, I mean, it's not even going to be something that should be even thinking about. You feel happy and things of that nature, right? But then you come back home and you're alone, right? You're there just before bed, you're there on your table, eating food before going to sleep. And then suddenly you sit there and you're with your thoughts. You don't have a distraction, you're not on your phone, whatever. And you start thinking about your life and you're like, I'm not where I want to be. No woman ever liked me. I feel hopeless. I feel like I will be lonely forever. Maybe PMOing right now would be a good idea since I haven't done it in a while and I believe it'll help me forget about these problems and calm my mind down. right? And then you start thinking, no, but I'm going to lose my streak. And I know that God is watching, but I really need an escape from this situation. Here's the thing, right? What happens is your stress and the emotion starts rising up, right? And of course, once you have stress and emotions, then it becomes physiological, meaning it becomes a bit physical. And it's not just psychological anymore, but you want to do it. But at the same time, you're afraid that you don't like facing those thoughts, right? You're afraid and you don't like facing those thoughts. Sorry. So you think, well, this can be my pill to feel better. Let me use my current situation to rationalize why I should PMO. And so here's what you need to understand. When it comes to this, we simply rationalize. Think about it, right? If you have these thoughts and they make you feel uncomfortable, and then you start stressing about the fact that you start to like make PMO, like, or you start to think about PMO as a potential, you know, solution to like getting rid of these thoughts and getting rid of these negative emotions. And then because of that, you feel fear and you feel stress and you feel anxiety. And then now you're like, well, PMO is going to also help me get rid of that same fear, stress, and anxiety that I'm feeling because of, me thinking about PMO, PMO, then it's like what you need to understand is like it's just rational where it's like you make a rational decision. There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing like, there's no pill that's going to fix you. It's just like a belief thing where it's like you think, well, PMO is going to help me just get rid of these thoughts, right? And that's what I want right now because I really don't want to face these thoughts. And maybe that's the only solution that is in your mind, but maybe there's also other solutions that are better than this. Maybe also the solution could be that you just, face these thoughts, right? But this is not the topic of this video, okay? And it's just to make you understand what's really going through the mind and really understanding that it's all rational. Like, you just rationalize why it should be, you know, it could be an option, right? And it's not like there's something wrong with you. The only thing, the only problem is your reactions to PMO, right? And this is what we're going to tackle right now from the root, you know, is creating that stress, that shame, that fear, that anxiety that then makes it worse for you. And obviously it becomes an emotional decision rather than a rational one. So how do I handle urges? Okay, first you want to stop caring so much about quitting porn. Super counterintuitive, super counterproductive, not counterproductive, but just counterintuitive. Let's leave it at that. But think about it like this. If you have an exam and you're at school and you need to study for the exam, right? But then if the exam in the back of your mind means so much to you, okay, it's like if you think irrationally that if you were to fail the exam, your life would be over and that things of that nature and that your self-worth depends on your grades at school, would you agree that to a certain extent, that your grades could be worse just by you overanalyzing and overstressing over the exam because then you won't be able to just think clearly and make rational decisions and answer the questions on exam with some rational thoughts and with a clear focus because just you stressing is going to impact your focus. Just you stressing is going to impact your ability to think clearly, right? So do you see my point here? And of course exams is different than when it comes to quitting porn because quitting porn, right, is a question of inaction, meaning like you just gotta stop doing it, right? It's just like something you stop doing whilst exam is like something you gotta do, right? It's action, okay? But still the same logic somewhat applies, right? Once you're free from negative pressure, it makes it easier for you to make rational decisions both short-term and long-term. Now that doesn't mean, okay, please, please don't get this wrong. That doesn't mean that if you have, for example, stress in your life or you feel some negative emotions, that suddenly it's going to hijack your psyche or your mind and your, your whole body and force you to go and watch porn. That's not what I'm saying. Okay. I'm just saying that it's going to help you in the beginning to really like see porn differently and really make more of a rational decision for the shorter meaning, like right now, and also the long-term meaning, like, you know, for you to decide to quit forever or so. Okay. So use the reflection. Okay. That was something you don't have to say, like take notes, but you can definitely answer those questions. Uh, but you don't, don't make it like too, too long. Okay. But of course, if you want to take your time, I'm just saying it's not the most important question, but if you want to take your time to answer those, it will be very good. Okay. I want to ask you, why is quitting PMO so important to you? Why is porn a bigger problem than other problems in your life? Why is it that with other bad habits, you didn't care as much? Okay. I want you to reflect actually on those, either by writing it down or just reflecting or doing both, right? Because here's the thing, here's what we want to tackle. Okay. Most people make quitting porn harder than it needs to be because they believe that if quitting is difficult, it'll feel like a bigger achievement, something to be more proud of. Okay? And this is the real thing. People create resistance because of that. Okay? This is the number one thing that makes quitting porn actually, and number one, of course, like there's other things that I could consider to be number one, but one of the number one things, okay, that actually makes quitting porn harder is that they put so much importance into quitting porn that it becomes like this exam where it's like they just F up, right? They F up because they've been so stressed and burned out. Constantly overanalyzing. Right now, of course, the same approach that you have to an exam to quitting porn is different, but it's the same kind of end result that happens. Right. And so that's the thing. Okay. Quitting porn is a good and important choice. Right. Morally, it is obviously important. This is the thing. Right. And again, I always say, when you quit porn, you lose nothing. There's nothing you lose because there's nothing you gain from porn objectively. But, um, and, and also you, you gain everything in a sense of like you can only gain things once you quit porn, right? Then you lose nothing. So it's like a very good deal in that sense, right? But if you make it your whole life, that decision to make something, uh, not a part of your life anymore and for the greater good, then it starts to feel far away, just like a goal, like something that takes too much work to reach. Because if, for example, I say, okay, I'm going to make— because usually when we set goals, we say, okay, I'm going to lose 10 pounds. And we know that 10 pounds is going to require some type of effort. And the harder it is, the more meaningful and the more that's were going to be proud if you were to achieve that thing. And so when people set the goal to quit porn, what happens is not only did they start overthinking it and start to be like, oh my God, have I achieved this goal or not? Would I be proud of myself? You know, whatever. But also it feels distant. It feels like, oh yeah, this is not just a decision that I'm going to make and then, you know, move on from it. This is something that I need to like put in a lot of effort to reach essentially, right? This is the problem that people have. Quitting porn can be just a simple choice to cut it down or stop it completely so you can improve your life in many ways, okay? Most people will quit porn without following NoFap. And this is the thing, like I said in previous videos, I've talked to people that just left porn and they never really came across the concept of NoFap. They don't even know, like it's weird. You just know, oh yeah, semen retention is when you abstain, whatever. And that NoFap is this, but they don't make it part of their identity, if that makes sense, right? And most people that really quit without really following such ideology or watching such videos, they don't really see it as an achievement, right? They simply see it as a choice. For example, deciding to get closer to God and realizing that quitting porn would help with that, right? Or starting a business and then they understand that porn would only distract them from their potential success, right? These are like two real examples. For example, I talked to one of my friends And I asked him, well, I didn't ask him, he basically told me because I'm coaching other people. He said, I've left porn many years ago when he got closer to God because he realized there was no point in doing this anymore. It was a sin. And then it's like he wanted to get closer to God and he knew that if he were to quit this, he would feel more aligned, meaning he would feel better and knew that he would be doing the right thing, if that makes sense. And so because that became more important to him in his life to become closer to God. And that quitting point was obvious that it would be something that he would need to remove in order to not actually just achieve that goal, but to make that a reality to get closer to God, then it's irrational, right? Or I know another guy that kind of went and decided to, and both of these guys, they don't have any partner. They don't have any partner, right? They don't have a relief, sorry, right? But that guy, for example, the other guy, he was a bit older and he told me that he left, I think it was like 1 or 2 years ago. And that was back then, right? Now they're still going on, right? I asked them recently, but I said to them, okay, why did you quit? And he was like, well, I started this business. He started an Amazon FBA business, like an e-commerce business. And he really wanted to be successful. He started obsessing over success to a certain extent. He always watches videos about having a Lamborghini and then being successful and then traveling the world, things of that nature. And he realized, well, if I were to quit porn, I would get rid of a distraction, something that would potentially distract me from success and decrease his likelihood of success. It kind of comes down to the question I always ask to people of, If I were to give you $1 million, but the catch is if you were to go back to watch porn, you would lose that $1 million. Would you end up losing that $1 million because you'd go and watch porn again? Right? It shows that quitting porn is not necessarily hard. It's not necessarily something that should be almost impossible and that your urges are just going to suddenly overpower you. And that in that hypothetical scenario, the PMO almost becomes irrelevant to the point where it's like even urges are argued would be something that won't even really bother you because you'd be like, no, I mean that $1 million is much more important to me. So the same thing applies here. So the shocking truth is there are people who still watch porn and live somewhat successful lives, okay? Please though, don't get this wrong, okay? There are people that do watch it either infrequently, like from time to time or frequently. There's people that indulge in bad, very bad habits. Very bad, according to my definition of very bad, where they might go and sleep around, go to nightclubs, go to things of that nature. And sure, I'm not saying that doing those things, and of course I don't advocate for those things, please. I'm like one of the guys that indulges in the least amount of distractions that you probably know of. Okay? Barely have any social media that I consume. I don't do anything but sleep around. Even listen to music. What I'm trying to say essentially is quitting porn is just not like the end-all be-all. It's not like, oh my God, if you quit porn, suddenly your life is going to be magic. But at the same time, it's a powerful tool that brings you only countless benefits and has zero downsides, as I said. I'm just saying that sometimes people think, well, if I quit porn, this is going to be an achievement. But it's like, why not just Actually focus on something that requires real effort to achieve and make that an achievement. Maybe it's a business, maybe it's fitness, like losing this amount of weight or building this specific physique. Or I'm kind of mentioning very generic examples, but it can be anything that's meaningful to you, right? But don't make porn an achievement, quitting porn, sorry. Okay? My argument, okay? I don't want this to come across as like an insult or anything, but people make quitting porn their main goal so that they can feel like they're achieving something without having to face real challenges like rejection, failure, or hardship. Think about it. Like, sure, quitting, like this is the thing, right? People say, okay, quitting porn is so hard. And if I were to quit porn, I would be like, you know, one of the only guys on earth that quit porn because most people quit porn. But then it's like, look, here's the thing, right? It's like quitting porn is not something which people first of all see as an achievement. Okay? Like if you were to, I still remember years ago I watched a video from like a NoFap video and the guy said, this is not like a guy that would preach like NoFap ideology, would be a bit against the NoFap ideology. But he said, if you go on the streets and you said to someone, yeah, I'm on day 200 of NoFap, do you think she's going to see it as an achievement, right? Or if she were to go and say to a— like, sure, there's going to be people that are going to be like, wow, this is nice, right? You have discipline or whatever. But it's like, you see, if you were to instead go and say, oh yeah, I went and ran a marathon, people are going to be much more impressed by that, if that makes sense. And other people might even see you being on 200 days of NoFap as weird. Anyways, right? But sure, yes, some people would admire that. But I'm saying don't make it an achievement. Don't make it a goal to be achieved. It is simply a decision that you make in order to better your life. Okay? For example, leaving these habits, right? A lot of people left video games. A lot of people drastically cut down on junk food. Some people completely eliminated it. Some people completely left movies. I still remember I used to watch before I left Netflix as a whole. I haven't watched a proper movie Maybe I watched like once every year over the past few years. But when I was 18, I was watching anime for the first time and didn't watch anime when I was younger. And I would watch this and I'd love it. I'd be like, wow, this is so amazing. But then I was like, yeah, but this is like, why am I watching other people that are living? I know it's the anime, it's not real, but that are kind of like doing things that I admire. And I'm like, wow, this is beautiful. I'm like, why don't I just live my life in a way that's also exciting and maybe even create animes myself in the future? That was my goal back then. And so you see, it's just like I made the rational decision that it would be better for me. But now the fact that I love video games for the past few years is not an achievement to me. It's just like something that I'm proud of doing, proud and just grateful that I've decided to do because it bettered my life in so many ways. To cut down junk food, I'm just grateful to have done that. And to eat healthy food because I think it's giving so many benefits, right? It's helping me with so many things. And to quit Netflix and things of that nature, the same exact logic applies, okay? And so when you let go of other bad habits, did you see it as a big achievement or just as a simple choice to improve your life because you realized that there were better things to do, more aligned with your goals, right? Again, think of that, okay? Now, the 2-step process to actually handle desires in the moment, right? We're not going to kill them urges. We're just going to call them simple desires. Okay. The first thing is to understand certain desires or thoughts are completely normal, not bad at all. If something has been part of your life for so long, right? For a long time, it's natural, right? To still want it sometimes, but that want isn't a powerful force. It's just a simple passing inclination. Okay. Thoughts, desires are completely normal at the end of the day. okay? I might desire to randomly do something which I haven't done in years, but I know that I might rationalize myself, okay, should I do this or not? And that desire might come because let's say, for example, okay, let's say that I certainly feel so bored and so lonely, and I'm just there sitting in my bed like, ah, I don't know what to do. I can do this and that, but I'm kind of like, yeah, I don't know. I just went to the gym. I have nothing else to do for the rest of the day. Let's say, That happens, right? And then I'm like, oh, what if I add an Xbox? What if I went and installed this game on my computer and start playing, right? And I'm like, yeah, that could be cool, man. I have a ton of pleasure. But then I'm just going to simply rationalize like, yeah, that's true. I could have pleasure, but it's not really aligned with what I want right now. Right now I wanna focus on these other important aspects of my life. I wanna focus more on learning and watching YouTube videos about learning so I can achieve my goal of being the best leader in the future, the best coach in the future, right? So you see the reaction that I have to such thoughts, even though this is hypothetical, it's calm. I'm just like, oh yeah, this is like a desire. This is thoughts, right? Okay. Think about it like this. Okay. The concept of habitual thoughts, which states that essentially things that have been a part of your life for so long that you used to do in the past, either for a long period of time or even a short period of time might pop up again in your mind, right? As desires or simple passing thoughts, not because you necessarily want to do them so much, but just because they used to be part of your life, if that makes sense, right? It's almost as if your unconscious is just giving you these random thoughts about the conscious. I know it's not like the best explanation, but you get my point, right? Like for example, maybe in your teenage years, you used to hang around certain friends that are not your friends anymore. right? And you might start thinking about the good things that you did with them and how good it felt and like how fun it was. But you know that you're not going to maybe go and like message them and be like, oh yeah, let's hang out and do the same exact things, right? Or you might, you know, that it's not going to be compelling, all powerful force that thought or that desire to do the same things that you used to do with them. That's going to suddenly overpower you. These are just passing thoughts, right? You probably had these thoughts like this. Or for example, used to play this specific sport all of your life and then suddenly you start thinking about like, oh yeah, that used to be so nice when you used to do this. But it's just a passing thought. Like, yeah, sure, you might have the desire to play soccer and you might rationalize, okay, let me go and get my shoes and go on the field, right? Or maybe you rationalize, yeah, but it doesn't make sense right now. I don't want to do this, right? This is the thing we gotta understand. It's just like, these are just random passing thoughts, random flashbacks. They're not all-powerful desires. They're just thoughts. They're just like simple sometimes desires, okay? And to prove this point, it's like those random thoughts and flashbacks or even desires will never ever overcompel you to take an action, okay? And I wanna give this example of like, you know when you're in a building, you see a fire alarm, right? And you start thinking about like, if I were to pull this, what would happen? And then you start thinking about like, oh yeah, the whole building would start like, you know, there would be like this alarm going off and people would go out of their door and see like what's happening, right? You start thinking about it, right? And you might be like, wow, what if I tried to do this? But you know in the back of your mind you're never going to do it. You just think about it, right? It's this thing like humans think of atrocities, yet they don't act upon it because our thoughts are not going to force us to do something. For example, you're on the metro line or the train line, and then you see someone standing in front of it and you're like, what if I just push that person when the train arrives? You think about these thoughts, but you know you're never going to do them. And of course, you don't think also, and this is the thing, you don't think that having these thoughts is something bad and that you're a psychopath or You're, you ask kids or friends, no, like it's just like random thoughts. You know, these are random thoughts that you think about and you know that you have full power over them and that you, it's you that's essentially thinking about these thoughts essentially. Okay. So thoughts and flashbacks, okay. They might show up, but you're the one in control. When you believe they can overpower you, that's when worry and overthinking begins, right? And soon you might decide to create the excuse, the license to misbehave to PMO, just to escape those same thoughts that's causing that anxiety, that stress and whatever, right? Because of that overthinking, obviously, right? And this is the thing, it's nothing, it's no big deal, just like a random thought, right? Why do you have to overthink it? Why do you have to think about it so much, right? I would argue again that it comes down to a certain extent to the fact that you think that quitting porn is so important and that your life or your self-worth depends on it. And so because of that, you're like, well, I need to quit. And if I don't quit, oh my God, my life is going to be worse. And so you decide to not PMO today, but then tomorrow you still feel that stress anxiety. You're like, well, maybe I'm going to PMO, but then I'm going to get on a better streak next time. And it's this whole thing of like, stop making your life centered around quitting porn. So relax, remember, okay, these are just thoughts. They happen with any adverse or prancing experience. They're not powerful or controlling. Okay? Second thing, what do you want? Okay? Most of the time, we just want to feel something when we have the desire, right? It's not, if you watch, for example, the video on meaning, for example, that I've created, it's not a question of you just want some biological things within you that, this is just a way for me to explain it. It's not like your body needs something just like you need for example, vitamin A in order to survive, right? It's not like your brain is craving dopamine as everyone says, right? It's just that we want something and we believe that PMO is going to give that. It's really that simple, right? And sometimes that thought though is never examined and never challenged. That desire is never examined or challenged, meaning like you want to PMO for specific reasons which you're not even aware of because you try to suppress that. right? But if you were to be honest, you realize, oh, these are the reasons and they're irrational now. I used to do them for these reasons in the past, but now it doesn't make sense, right? And this is the thing that we usually tackle within our first call together, right? And here's the thing, right? But you know what the thing with PMO also, it's like, you know, once we realize that, okay, we want this, let's say for example, right? We want intimacy or we want to, no, let's give a better, uh, Example, I want a feeling of accomplishment. And you're like, well, would PMO actually give me that? And you're like, oh, well, no, it will only delay actually like feeling accomplished, right? And once we realize that, we actually naturally start looking for a better outlet, right? So the same guy that's like, I'm not where I want to be, no woman ever liked me, I feel hopeless, I feel like I will be lonely forever, right? What he actually wants, let's say, if he were to be honest with himself and accept that, be like, I want a woman who can love me. I want to accomplish goals that will make me feel like a man. Maybe that's what he actually wants, right? And so it's like rationalizing, okay, well, would PMO actually give me that, right? And it's not just rationalizing, but just being honest. This is the key thing. Once you're honest and you realize what are the real reasons why you want PMO right now, there's going to be almost like this cognitive distance where you're gonna be like, Well, PM, I used to think that PMO is going to give me that, but PMO actually doesn't give me that. So now I'm left with no options to achieve that, which will force you to find an outlet for that specific thing that you desire, right? That you thought that PMO would, you know, satisfy, uh, would help with. Okay. So this is the thing. Now an extra tip. Okay. If the desire for intimacy has nothing to do with PMO or what you want in that moment, like for example, what I mean by, uh, what you want in a moment, Like a feeling of accomplishing a goal, right? That would make me feel like a man, for example, right? And let's say that obviously PMO can't really help, right? If it has nothing to do with PMO, right? So if you stop delaying/distracting yourself, what would you actually, what would actually help you achieve that real intimacy, right? That's going to satisfy that real innate desire or get you what you truly want in that moment. Like for example, what's going to actually give you that, what's going to allow you to, for example, accomplish goals that would make you feel like a man? Think about that. And with these questions, the more you think about them, the more you reflect on them and take notes, the better. So you really want to, I know it might overwhelm you, but this is again like a video where you wanna take a bit more of your time, 'cause these are important things. Now, of course, if you wanna, in the coaching calls, bring up these questions with me after, let's say you watch the video and you wanna bring up these specific questions and like the answers that you ask to those questions, we will tackle them together, okay? Also, another tip is interpret differently, okay? Some people naturally desire real intimacy with a woman, right? I mean, when I say some people, I'm saying like everyone, but the reaction is different, right? Others see the same desire as a potential threat, something that might distract them or cause a, relapse, right? But other people view it that the same exact desire, the same exact innate desire that we have as humans as a powerful source of motivation, using it to become more driven, focused, and action-oriented in pursuit of what they truly want, right? I see it too, for example, within the NoFap spaces, people think, oh yeah, I have the desire, these are urges and they're going to overpower me. And then I'm going to like lose my streak, whatever. Whilst you have the other people that are like, let's say for example, that they read Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, or they read, for example, what's the name of the other book that's popular? There's that book on relationships, which is talking about, let me just find it. The book called The Way of the Spearman, right? Which is a very popular book. Like they present the idea of your sexual energy, right? As like something that can be extremely powerful and just positive to use essentially. And that will drive success in your life, both in the short term and the long term, right? It's like they have two different reactions. Like they interpret the same desire differently, right? Another suggestion is to watch a video on sexual transmutation that we have within the course is a video that at the moment of me recording this is almost finished and should be like published by then. Okay. So just to sum up this video, okay. There's no such thing as an all-powerful urge that can force you to act against your will, right? That's the first thing. Second thing, you only feel the desire because you believe PMO is a quick fix for the problems you're facing in that moment, not because of biological urges. Third, recognize that random thoughts and desires are completely normal. Everyone experiences them. Okay. Fourth, simply acknowledge what you truly want in that moment. That awareness alone helps you see that PMO won't give you what you really looking for. And then I would add that it would force you to go and improve other aspects of your life, which means that it's overall just a positive thing, right? That you realize this, right? So if you have any questions, again, please let me know. Please take notes. Please answer the questions within that video. And I'll see you in the next video.