How To Quit Porn Forever (Root Cause)

I wanna ask you a question. What is porn? Is porn a video where you can see thousands of naked women, therefore it stimulates your brain because you're just like a king back in the days that had access to all of these beautiful women to reproduce with and your brain thinks that you're about to actually reproduce with all of these women? So is porn mainly something that is related to your biology or is porn something that you watch for simple psychological reasons that have nothing to do with reproduction, intimacy, dopamine, addiction? Well, in this video, I'm going to explain the concept of the subconscious story so you can go to your own personal root cause that's going to help you realize that you've been watching porn for all of these years for this particular reason. And once you become aware of that, it will be actually effortless for you to start moving on forever and quitting permanently porn. The first question I wanna ask is, What is porn to begin with? If we look at porn on a physical level, it is a mere video on a screen that is playing. And I always like to compare it to other videos like movies, like YouTube videos and so on. And I ask people, what is the difference between porn and these videos? If you say, oh, because there's much more videos that you can scroll on and constantly see naked women, is it for that reason that we become addicted to porn? Is porn literally giving you an alternative for real intimacy, and that's why you watch it. Or is porn like imbued with so much dopamine that it just sends dopamine to your brain and you have no control over it, as many people explain it to be that way. So why is it that we watch porn? The number one thing that we must do is we must never give our power to porn by saying, oh yeah, porn is so irresistible because you see thousands of half-naked women, or because there's so much dopamine as other experts have claimed, or that porn is more appealing than sex, than real intimacy. When we tell ourselves these things, the issue that we have is we start giving away the power that we have. Not saying that we are super powerful or anything, but we essentially say, look, I cannot really control myself. Porn is going to control me and make me want to watch porn and therefore watch porn. Because insert dopamine, insert a substitute for real intimacy. And this is a problem that people have. They don't look at the root cause. They don't look at why do they actually want to do it for psychological reasons, for reasons that they have learned in the past, for things that they attach to porn without even realizing. Just say it's because of X. So the first step that we must take is we need to stop saying that porn is so powerful and irresistible because you see thousands of half-naked women, and that plays a trick on your brain because your brain thinks you're about to reproduce with so many naked women. Because we need to understand that whatever we believe, whatever we expect from something is going to be what we're going to get most oftentimes. So if my perception of porn is, it's so pleasurable, it's so irresistible, it's so special because I get to reproduce with all of these naked women, even though I'm not, well, what's going to happen is I'm going to expect to feel pleasure and feel almost special and feel that desire becoming strong because I think that porn is going to make my brain feel that way. The reality is sensations and experiences are colored by our beliefs. And this is one thing that you really need to be careful of. We're going to go to the root cause soon, but There's been countless studies on this fact right here where, for example, they gave dog food to people and told them that it was just duck liver mousse and like some fancy food, and people find it to be tasting good. Or we have the famous and famous studies of when people were given blind taste tests, and we have the famous Coke and Pepsi blind test where they gave participants Pepsi and Coke, and they saw that the moment they told them, and they, they put them under fMRI, and they were basically like brain scans, and they saw that when they were told about the brand that they were drinking from, there was a different pattern of brain activation that emerged. So to simplify, we watch porn because of what we associate with porn, not because of porn itself. This is crucial to understand. Now I want you to do one thing, and it is to go back to your past. When you study, for example, therapy, you study overall trauma, which of course I'm not here to say that you watch porn because of trauma or so on. But what we realize is that For a lot of people, the reason why they continue to do something for so many years and they continue to act a certain way despite knowing that if they were to act differently, it would be much better for them. For example, if someone is too nice with other people and he can't confront other people, even though he might get into a situation where he needs to stop being nice, he needs to actually like confront and stand for himself. And he knows that he can do that, but he doesn't. It feels like something is holding him back. Well, we can Oftentimes just look at what happened in his past and where he learned that being nice was a way to survive or to deal with a specific situation. So I have one of my students, for example, that told me that in his 20s, he was extremely outgoing. He would talk and speak loudly and so on. He would be kind of like the center of attention. But then one day he was with a woman that another guy liked. So the other guy got jealous and was drunk and punched my students. And my student just got rocked and fell on the floor. It was embarrassing to him. Everyone, his friends, the women around all saw him like that, and he felt ashamed, embarrassed, and he never wanted that to happen again. So that day, what did he learn? He learned that if he tries to be the center of attention, if he tries to be the one that is outgoing again, that's what can occur, that's what can happen. Now, of course, this is changeable. You can update that memory, that those old learnings, those past learnings. And this is exactly what we need to do with porn. So with porn, for example, I was talking to another student of mine. We were having our first call together, and we really went and dive into his personal root cause. And he told me that when he was young, he wanted to express himself. He wanted to have people that listen to him because his parents, his family, people around him didn't care at all. And so he felt like nobody cared about him. And on top of that, he saw his friends getting into relationships whilst he wasn't. So essentially what he was trying to get is just like validation. Like he wanted somebody else to love him, to listen to him and so on. Like most human needs, like these are like basic emotional needs. And when they're not met, we often try to seek out another outlet, another way to satisfy them. So towards the same time, he started watching porn, as this was when he was on the age of 12. What happened is, as he started watching porn, he felt like he was almost getting validated because his friends were talking about like how they were essentially feeling validated by gaining intimacy from their partners whilst he wasn't. So when he would be watching porn, he taught his mind, look, I'm getting that in that sense. I'm getting that validation because I'm seeing this beautiful naked woman. I can look at her, and it made him feel like a man. What happened then is like he started doing what we call sexting, where you talk to a person of the opposite sex online and you talk about lustful things essentially. And I'm not gonna go too much in depth into that, but he started doing that and then the woman would listen to him and he started feeling more validated. He wasn't actually like getting the validation that he actually maybe wanted fully, but he felt like he was getting it in that exact moment. Because when we watch porn, it's not the video on the screen that is so attractive to us or that we desire so much. This is a video, this is not a real human being. Instead, it's the fantasy intimacy. It's what's happening in our mind where we are actively visualizing with a lot of focus ourselves having intimacy and creating those feelings that we want, like feeling validated. And we start thinking about those things. It's like we're daydreaming about feeling better, about feeling these feelings. And that's how we get these feelings. That's how we feel differently. And that this is what we're seeking out of porn. And so what we need to understand is that our past learning right here is oftentimes the same learning. It is often not updated. We need to update it because Once we learn something in the past and we never really cover it again, we never really go back to it again, what happens is it is still what we use because it was efficient back then. So we keep it and we practice it. For example, let's say I was a kid and no woman ever shown any signs of interest in me and I would be desperately craving love. And then suddenly one day there was this older woman, let's say she was in her 50s and she's shown some love to me where I actually for the first time felt some real love. And I liked that experience so much, but I couldn't repeat it, but then I learned that there were certain genres where there were women that looked just like her that I could watch on pornhub. Well, what's going to happen is now I would associate that 50-year-old woman with love. And so if I were to watch a video, it would remind me of love and I would start feeling love as it would remind me of this old memory where I'll be visualizing a certain fantasy where I'm getting love from this specific type of woman. Because I learned that this specific type of woman is going to show me love whilst other women might not. Do you see how this works? So whenever I feel like I really want love, I'll probably go to this specific jar of porn and watch porn for this specific reason. So the question is, what did you learn? What is it that you learned? I'll give you like the very simple and easy process that you can apply, though by yourself is a bit harder, but you can still do it, where you just need to be honest with yourself and you just need to say whatever comes up to in your mind and not deny anything and say whatever comes in your mind, even if it feels irrational to say. You want to ask why 10 to 15 times. So let's say you like to watch porn and let's be honest, right? We don't do things if we don't like to do them. Sure, it is sinful. Sure, it is bad for you. Sure, it doesn't bring you any objective benefits, but we still want to watch it for specific reasons. So what you want to ask yourself is, okay, sure, I like to watch when it's actually pleasurable. I actually like to do it, but why? Because I feel like I'm having intimacy. Okay, why do you want to feel like you're having intimacy? Oh, because it makes me feel like a man. Okay, why do you want to feel like a man? And then you're go and go and go in depth, and you'll get to a certain point where you'll get to a deep answer. And that's when you'll find part of the root cause where you're going to be like, ah, I watch porn for this specific reason. It's like you almost uncover what's been in the dirt for so long, and you just find it. You're like, oh, so this is the exact reason why I've been watching porn. And the moment you become conscious of the unconscious, it just feels like— it's like you create cognitive distance where you're like, well, yeah, I was watching porn actually for that specific reason, but now it doesn't make sense anymore. And then suddenly it's It's like you start like to let go of that because you realize, okay, well, porn is not giving me that, but you need to be conscious of what it is in the first place. So you just want to ask yourself why 10 to 15 times. If more is needed, then sure. It might be less, it might be like 5 to 10 times, but you want to go to the point where you get like a deep enough answer. It might be like, okay, you ask yourself why and you realize, oh, I learned back then that I was ugly and that women would never ever like me. So I thought that watching porn would be the only way for me to experience intimacy. And then when you realize that, you're like, well, it's not true anymore. Now I'm way more attractive. Now I can attract women. And that's when you can start moving on. It's like you're just like digging deep and then suddenly you find that you're like, ah, okay, so this is what's been underneath all of this time. And suddenly consciously and also subconsciously, it doesn't even make sense anymore to watch porn. I have another student, for example, that I coached a few months ago. He now is totally free from porn and masturbation. I actually have this testimonial on Instagram. One of the things that we really dive deep into was that in his past, he had parents that were not really there for him. His dad was like very abusive. They called him stupid. He never really received any types of encouragement from his dad. And I just want to give a disclaimer though. The things that happened in your past, the traumatic events and so on, do not force you to go indulge in bad habits or indulge compulsively in certain different things. They might have an influence over those things, but if we just stay there and start blaming our past as to why we can't change, what happens then is we don't even try to change in the first place. So we must be careful of this because humans can actually move on from things. The moment you start moving forward and you start, for example, to do things that might be meaningful to you, you can move on from your past. And ruminating about the past, we all know, is just destructive. And it's almost a form of mental masturbation for a lot So we need to be careful of that. But when I was looking at the past of my students, he felt, as you said, like abnormal and so on. And so the overall theme was he wanted to get love that he wasn't getting from his parents. And so he learned that he could get actually love from women. For me to be with the opposite sex would allow me to finally find this love that I've been searching for, that I've not been getting for all of my life. And because he lived in America, in the Western world, where in his environment, lust was kind of like the main way for a man to be worthy of getting a woman, therefore worthy of getting love for him. What do I mean by that? Well, in his environment, I remember he said to me that people would say that if you are good at intimacy, the woman will stay with you. But if you're not good at intimacy, she would probably expose you and leave you. And so he was scared of that because in his mind, he really wants to have love. So he thought, well, I just need to be very good at intimacy. Therefore, I need to maybe lust and think about sex often and watch porn so I can learn these different things and masturbate so I can sharpen my tool, essentially. So you see, like, how does that work? Now he wants to watch porn. He wants to masturbate. He wants to lust because he learned that he's going to get a woman if he's good at lusting. And if he gets a woman, well, he's getting what he desired the most, which is love, which is gaining that validation, which is having someone that would value you, that will care about you. And for him, that was very, very important, more than most people, just because of what happened in his past where his parents didn't give him that when he really wanted that. Therefore, he had no way to really satisfy that emotional need. So guys, the process is so simple. Just ask yourself why multiple times and you'll really become aware of that. Now again, you just need to be honest. You need to stop judging yourself. You need to say things even if they seem irrational. It might be like, oh yeah, I watch porn because it feels like I'm having a digital girlfriend in that moment. Whatever it is, and really write it down and reflect on that. It only takes 15 minutes on average, and you'll be like, oh, this is why I've been watching porn. And you'll make so much progress in such a short amount of time. So this is it. If you want to watch how to quit masturbation, I've made a full video right here. You can click on it right now. Anyways, I'll see you guys in the next video. Peace.