How To Remove Unwanted Sexual Desires or Fetishes
In this masterclass video, Samir Gardner addresses the challenge of unwanted sexual fetishes that often develop after prolonged pornography use. He argues that the biggest obstacle is a state of fear, which impairs reflective thinking and prevents individuals from examining why they are drawn to a particular fetish. Gardner explains how fear leads to a self‑image of being “deviant,” which reinforces isolation, further consumption of taboo porn, and a cycle of shame. He differentiates between external motivation (changing to please society) and internal motivation (changing because one truly wants to), emphasizing that lasting change requires the latter. The core practical tool he offers is a repeated “Why?” exercise: writing down the reasons for enjoying a fetish, probing deeper with successive “why” questions to uncover personal meaning and subconscious drivers. He illustrates this with a cuckold fetish example, showing how layers of meaning can surface, often revealing irrational roots. Gardner also discusses cultural relativism, noting that what is deemed taboo varies across societies, and cautions against adopting a deviant self‑image based on external judgments. He critiques fear‑based NoFap messaging, suggesting it benefits content creators by keeping viewers stuck in fear. Finally, he advises viewers to list short‑ and long‑term benefits of abandoning a fetish, reinforcing internal motivation, and invites questions in the comments while promoting his coaching program.
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All right guys, so we're going to do a masterclass on how to remove fetishes because I know that this is such a huge struggle for many people who have been watching porn for many years and they accidentally over time develop certain preferences for genres that will be considered very, very taboo, not just by society, but you know, by maybe their future partners, right? And they really don't want to ruin their relationships because of that. They don't want to get looked at in a weird way. They don't want to get caught. And I totally understand that. So Today we're gonna really teach you guys the most simple and effortless way to really just remove them. And trust me, it is not that hard, okay? So let's get into it. Now, the first thing is, and that's the biggest problem for most people, is that they are in a state of fear, okay? And so the problem with being in a state of fear is not just feeling fear, right? The biggest problem with being in a state of fear when it comes to getting rid of your fetishes is that you just can't really think properly, or at least analyze properly, that fetish if you're in a state of fear. Because just think about it, when you're in a state of fear, what do you do? Do you just sit down and actually reflect and analyze things properly? Probably not, right? And let me explain something very important. What happens with most people is because they are in a state of fear when it comes to tackling their fetishes, they just never even look at the most basic and the most important thing. And that is why do they like that fetish? So first, we really need, okay, we really need to get out of that state of fear. We need to completely get out of it and be like, you know what? And I explained this in many of my videos. You know what? I actually want to engage in that fetish. I actually like it. Whether that be anything that you, you want to embrace it. You want to be like, okay, Yes, maybe society and my friends and my loved ones would think I'm really weird if they know that I have that fetish, but let me embrace it. Yeah, I actually like it. Yeah, I've been watching. I mean, I like it. Just embrace it for this video, right? I'm not saying for the rest of your life because we're going to be able to make some changes anyways. So that's the thing because another big problem on top of that is that most people that have fetishes that are considered to be deviant or taboo, as I said, based on society, adopt what? Okay, a self-image. Sorry for my writing that is trash as always. Adopt a self-image of someone that is deviant. And when you have the self-image of someone who's deviant, guess what? You act according to your self-image. And what does that mean for most people? That means that they will just sit in their home and be those creeps that, you know, can't even get into a relationship because they have such weird fetishes. And so you're just gonna act according to that. You're not even going to go and try to meet new people. You're not even going to go and try to get into a real romantic relationship because you're so scared that they're gonna find out that you do those deviant activities. And so that fuels your self-image even more and you stay even more at home and consume more of that. On top of that, what is worse is once we adopt the self-image that we're someone deviant, we might also watch more porn that is considered to be deviant. Because we're like, you know what, that fetish is so weird, no one is going to accept me. So I guess porn or even maybe paying people to perform that fetish is the only true way for me to get some form of sexual gratification or some form of love, validation, attention, and everything you can think of when it comes to a real relationship. And that's what is dangerous. It's not the actual fetish itself, right? Because if you really think about it, what is a fetish? It's you learning to like something to the extent which you might like it a lot. Okay, for example, for me, when I drink coffee for the first time, it was disgusting to me. It was like, this is the worst thing I could ever drink. You know, I don't even know if I— and that was like a Literally 2 years ago, I was like, this is disgusting. I'm feeling so agitated. I don't like that. I feel like I'm going to go crazy. But then a year later, now I love coffee. Now I can drink black coffee like it was the most tasty thing on earth because I've learned to like it over time and I learned to attach personal meaning to it, which is also a very important component when it comes to your fetish, personal meaning aspect. And same thing when it comes to video games. I used to play the Wii and then I went and played Minecraft, and then I went and played Fortnite, and then I went and played Rainbow Six Siege, and I was playing those games a lot, right? So if you really believe that people are gonna watch the same type of porn videos all of their lives, you're probably mistaken. Of course, if it's been years you've been watching it, you might come across these videos and learn to like. Because look, here's the thing, if you watch the same type of porn videos over and over again, you'll just get abd— you'll just get habituated, right? It's like you've watched it, so let me try something new, right? Out of boredom. And here's the crazy part. The first time you ever watched porn, I'll make the assumption that you probably didn't really find it so enjoyable, even if it was what people consider normal porn. Why? You probably felt nervous, stressed out, curious. But then after a few sessions, you started to learn to like it. You understand? You do the same thing with other preferences, right? So there's nothing wrong with you. And I'm not saying this to make you feel better. I'm saying this because this is the truth. And the first question we want to ask ourselves is, are you more in a state where you feel like you need to get rid of that fetish, or you're more in a state where you want to get rid of that fetish? This is a very important distinction. A lot of people feel like they need to stop that fetish because society will tell them that they're weird, because society doesn't accept of that fetish, for example. So it means that they're motivated by external external factors. But when you say you want to quit that fetish, it means you're motivated by an internal factor. And obviously, that's when real long-term change happens. It's the same as if like your mom was to tell you, stop playing video games, you're playing too many hours a day. You really think you're going to be motivated to quit video games? No. But if you yourself want to stop playing video games because you see that, you know, it could be better for you, and that there's X and Y and Z benefits, then you're probably going to be way more likely to leave that video game behind. And so to really just start things off, and this is the only exercise which you'll need to do in this video, and this is the most important, is to ask really to yourself the one and only question that is very simple that will change everything for you. And that is why. Now, sorry for the drawing. I know it's not looking good, but why, why do you want to do it? Put all of that. Please don't judge yourself. Okay. Fully embrace that you want to do it and ask yourself, Why? What do you gain out of it? Now please don't make this mistake and then be like, oh yeah, I like it because it provides me a lot of pleasure and I feel comfortable and everything. Let's say these are your reasons and you're like, no, no, but that's weird, man. I shouldn't be thinking like this. No, no, no, embrace it, fully embrace it. It can be anything. It can be, oh yeah, I love it because it makes me feel feminine, right? Like anything, anything. Be fully honest with yourself. This is what I do with my students when I coach them. They are fully honest with me I'm not there to judge them. I want you to do the same thing with yourself. Why do you like that certain fetish? And write it as if you're like describing someone you love or something you love. And if you're fully honest, you don't feel shame, guilt, and you just write down whatever comes in your mind and you embrace that you like it, you're going to find the exact reasons as to which you want to engage in that fetish. And that's going to probably create cognitive dissonance because you're going to realize that the reasons for which you like that fetish, since they've never been uncovered before, are probably reasons that don't make sense at the moment or anymore. A very popular fetish that would be considered taboo for most is being a cuck. So you want to be like, okay, now I'm not gonna go into explicit details, but you want to be like, yeah, I love that fetish which I just mentioned because, and then you wanna be as detailed as possible. It can be like, Because I love seeing my woman partake in intercourse with another man. And then you want to ask yourself, but why do I like that? But why do I like seeing that? Okay, and then you want with that answer to ask yourself, why? Okay, so I love seeing her partake in intercourse with another man because it creates more sexual excitement. Okay, why do you want more sexual excitement through this fetish? Because it's so special. I get to do something that most society considers so taboo, and because of that, it makes me feel like I can express myself. Okay, why do you wanna express yourself like that? Hmm, because when I was 18, my loved ones constantly, when I was 18, my family constantly told me to not do this and not do this and not do that. Okay, so why do you wanna go against that? Because back then it made me feel like I was worthless because I couldn't do much. And because of that, I never really pursued my goals. You see, we start to go into reasons which are rational to the subconscious, but once you bring them to the conscious, you realize that it's purely irrational. And that's what really creates that cognitive dissonance where you have like a juxtaposition of two beliefs where one is, oh yeah, that fetish feels so good. And on the other side, you're like, well, I want to do it because my family would always block me from expressing myself as a teen. and I never pursued what I wanted to pursue. So then the individual might realize, well, I don't need that fetish in order to do that. And that's when changes happens drastically like this, right? But you need to take your time with this. So take any fetish without going into details, right? That can be the ones where it's like findom, right? Sissy, animals, whatever, right? I'm not gonna, I'm never gonna judge you for this, right? When I coach people, they tell me whatever they want and I never even look at them and I never ever thought they were weird for saying, I change, as I struggled with similar things in the past. Now, another question you might ask yourself that can serve somewhat of a substitute for, for that question is, if you were to really do that fetish, if you were to really partake in that fetish in real life, what would you gain out of it? And here again, be fully honest, fully embrace that you want to do it, but ask yourself, what do you believe you'll gain out of that? And here's another thing I want you guys to be aware of. Don't rely on what society defines as taboo or weird. Don't define your behavior based on what society or your culture or your loved ones defined as weird or taboo, shameful, or deviant, because also that can be purely subjective. Now, of course, objectively, watching porn and engaging in sexual immorality is immoral, right, if you're a believer. But now I'm talking about fetishes specifically, right? What is the difference between watching homemade porn and watching your fetish. The only reason why you think that one is weirder than the other is because you've been told over and over again from society that this is weird, right? Let me give you an example. Like, in North America, for example, homosexuality for a lot of people is seen as something that is good and you shouldn't be feeling any shame about, right? And if you show a desire for the same sex, a lot of people would not even judge you for it, right? But then if you take that same preference and go in a more conservative country, if we If we think Russia, if we think Saudi Arabia, Poland, the UAE, almost sexuality would be seen as something completely taboo and very weird. So you see, it really depends on the culture most of the time anyways. So I'm saying this so you don't have to adopt that self-image that you're like a weird deviant monster who's watching different types of porn, because for other people, your genre of porn is totally normal and totally acceptable. You gotta remember, it's not about the fetish. Let's say that this is and ice cream, right? You know, if you are about to eat ice cream, is it the shapes of the ice cream that is so special to you? Is it the ingredients? No, it's very simple. It's just what it means to you to eat that ice cream. For some people, it's nostalgia. For, for some people, it's an intense amount of pleasure whilst they're eating it. For some people, it's a way for them to cope with their emotions. For some people, it brings them back childhood memories when times were better. And so when they eat the ice cream like they to do when they were a kid, they kind of like feel like they're going back at that time. And this is what we call personal meaning. And it's the same exact thing with the video that you watch about your favorite fetish. It's not the pixels on the screen, it's not even the woman's body, it's not even the actions that they're doing physically. It is what does it mean to you if you were to partake in that fetish, or when you're watching that fetish, when you're fantasizing about that fetish, what does it mean to you? So one thing that you can reflect on is what would you gain if you were to leave that fetish behind? List out all of the short-term first, and then the long-term benefits that you would gain from leaving that behind. And trust me guys, this process is very simple. The only reason why for a lot of people it's so hard for them to move on from such fetish is because, like I said in the beginning of the video, they have so much fear. You, you might believe that you have a problem within yourself, within your brain, and that you can't do anything about it. It's like you can't come back to that quote-unquote normal state. It's like you're stuck there now, when in reality that's not the case. Please, I'm not saying this so that you watch my videos, but please be aware that all of these NoFap gurus that talk about unwanted sexual desires, they, they obviously want you to watch more of the videos, right, or join their coaching program. And that's not a bad thing. I want you to watch my videos. I want you to join my coaching program. But you just got to know that The reason why they say you have unwanted sexual desires and it's gonna be so hard for you to get rid of it, it's gonna be practically impossible, you're gonna have these weird fetishes, and they put you in that fear with those videos, I've watched those videos, is because it benefits them. Once you're in fear, they know that you'll come back to them, okay? Because when you're in fear, you cannot think properly. When you cannot think properly, well, you can't analyze anything. When you cannot analyze anything, then you cannot solve any problem. When you cannot solve any problem, guess what? You're gonna be stuck in the same position. So please guys, do the exercise here and really reflect on it. And even in the comment section down below, you can really ask any questions that you might have. I hope this was helpful. You can watch more of my videos if you wanna learn how to really quit porn, masturbation, lust more in depth.
