Joey's Case Study - How He Left Porn and Never Went Back

All right, guys, so we're here with Joey. Joey has been able now to quit porn for good, and he's also someone that I actually met in real life. One of the few guys that actually had the chance alongside with Josh, if you saw the other video that I posted recently. So yeah, man, Joey, if you can tell us more about yourself.

Hello. So yeah, I'm Joey. I'm 29 years old. I'll be 30 in like 5 weeks about. And yeah, I'm an AI developer. I have an agency and I work in automation processes for law firms.

Awesome, man. So yeah, can you tell us, Joey, like a bit more about like sort of your backstory before you left porn? Like what was your life before you really just completely break free from porn?

You know, when, um, it's just the fact that you start realizing that I can do everything that I'm not doing, and just by going through like an obstacle that basically is like meaningless, right? It's the— it's just like it— there's nothing good that comes from it. It's just you're watching, you're watching the screen, and that's literally ruining your life just by watching a screen. And you start realizing this, like, why am I doing that? And, um, and then, you know, you just, just come to the realization that, you know, is it really a problem, or am I, am I making it a problem? You know, it's like, it's, is it really like Is that life sabotaging, or is it me that's sabotaging my life?

Yep.

And you start realizing that, you know, it's like, is it a habit? If I am aware, like, I am moving, like, I am going somewhere privately, I am turning on my laptop, I am typing the website, I am sitting and watching. Like, it's like, if it's a habit for me, like, a habit is something that you're not aware that you're doing. Right, like when I sit, like when I sit for too long, I have a bad habit of sliding down, you know. So this is, this is a habit because I don't realize it's a bad habit. I don't realize, you know, I have that tendency. But then once someone tells me, like, if I want to stay slid down, that's not a bad habit, like I'm choosing to. I'm telling you, I'm telling him, like, no worries. I'm, uh, I want to stay slow down. It's the same thing when, um, when you, you go and watch like the everything that you shouldn't be watching, you know, it's yourself telling you like, hey, this is bad. And if you tell him like, oh no, it's fine, I'm gonna do it anyway, like you're literally taking that decision. It's you. Yeah, it's you who's taking that decision. And it's just like the fact when you start realizing like, why, why, why am I taking that decision? You know, like I don't do cocaine because it's bad, but I'm gonna do this instead. Like, it's like it makes no sense, you know? Like, it's just if you want to take this, the decision to be like, to be straight, do what you have to do. Just Hustle, you, you choose that, you know?

Mm-hmm.

Like, I don't have a habit to, to go to work. It's just like I wake up and I decide today I'm gonna work.

Exactly.

The same thing with watching all the stuff. You wake up and you decide you want to watch. Yep.

100%, man. 100%. And the, the big thing with this is like, look, the NoFap slash like porn recovery space always preaches this idea that like Oh, you're gonna be flooded with dopamine cravings and urges, and then suddenly you're gonna lose control over yourself and you're just going to mindlessly type the porn site and then mindlessly just watch the videos and scroll and then just regret what you've done, right? Which makes zero sense. And when you, for example, do like Joey, which is just to take responsibility and realize like, I'm making that decision, right? There's no one forcing me to either watch porn. There's no one forcing me to not watch porn. I'm the one deciding what I want to do. Just like, for example, someone decides to work hard or decides to not work at all, right? And so we have the ability to choose. We have free will. Free will is like, literally, it's the most simple thing to understand. And one of the gifts that God gave us, basically, if you think about it, right? But people act as if they don't have it and that they can't do anything about it and that porn is somewhat going to overpower them. But really all that's happening is you're giving the power to porn and you're basically removing the power from yourself and you're giving it to porn, right? And then you're saying, oh, porn is doing this to me. Porn is triggering me. Now I'm gonna lose control and just fall into it, right? And we're not just saying like man up, right? Like just toughen up, you know? We're saying like this is the objective reality, right? I always give this example, just for example, in the course, maybe Joe, if you remember, like if I gave you $1 million, but you gotta stop watching porn, would you be able to do it? Everyone says yes. So it's like, is it a question of you can't do it? Is it a question that you don't want to do it, right? And when I say don't want to do it, I'm not saying like you, you actually don't want to do it. It's just that you see reasons, you know, this is what we call the root cause, you know, the subconscious reasons as to why you want to do it. And so we need to tackle them. But at the same time, you just gotta know that you have full control over that, right? So cool, man. Now, now that you've like left porn behind, right? And this is not a part of your life anymore. Like, how has your life changed overall?

Well, just, I want to go back to the idea of dopamine and, you know, people using this as an excuse that, oh, there's dopamine. Think about like when you go to the movies, you know, if you go to the movies at 3 PM, you know, you're going to enjoy this. You're going to have dopamine. Are you going back at 5 PM, 7 PM, 9 PM every single day? You enjoy it, you had dopamine, but then you didn't go back until like months afterward, until like there was a good movie that came up, you know. And even that, like, you thought like, is it really worth it, you know?

Yep. Even though—

think of all the things that you enjoy doing, you're getting dopamine. But you're able to live your life through it.

Yeah, exactly. And if we just understand that dopamine is just released in the anticipation of a behavior, you realize, and this is the real definition, I'm not making this up, you just realize that, look, dopamine is just you choosing to release it when you enjoy doing something for specific reasons. It's like you have full control over it. We're not saying you're going to never release dopamine. I'm saying you release dopamine for so many other things. Yet you don't say, oh, I'm addicted to going to the movies. I'm addicted to playing video games. I'm going to play 16 hours a day. Or even the most simple explanation is, look, yeah, food contains dopamine, let's say if people say that. But why don't you then just eat a bunch of food without any control, right? Like without controlling yourself. People don't do that. People choose to eat whatever they want. People choose to watch movies or not. People choose which movies they want to watch. And we have full control over that, man. So yeah, so yeah, man. Um, so touching back on the question of like, how has your life changed now that you like, you left porn and everything?

Honestly, I think one of the most powerful things that I was able to do, like, I realize now it's powerful, I didn't realize before, of getting used to being bored, you know, because we like, it is such a powerful Like life hack, if you're used to being bored and then just think about what you want to do, like it is so, it's so powerful because you're thinking about your future, you're making plans, like you're thinking, oh, what I'm gonna do, I don't have anything to do. Yeah, just sit down then, you know. Like success isn't about doing more of what you're doing, it's about doing less of the things you shouldn't do. I like that. Yeah, this is what I realized it is, you know, like, like you don't need to take 13 more courses, you know, just do like, just be, do less of what you're not supposed to do, you know, and just sit and think and plan. Like, you don't even know how much you can plan and think when you're bored. Like, people have experienced that. Most of people don't even know. They're like, oh, I'm bored. Like, yeah, just reflect on things, you know? And afterward, you, you'll stop being bored because everything you think about now, you want to apply it. Yep. And then this is the switch. This is what I realized, like, that switch can happen is when you get bored for a bit And I'm not talking like for like, you know, a whole year of you being bored. Like, it literally takes like 5 days.

Yeah.

And then you start applying things. Like, it's not, it's not a process. Like, yeah, it takes 90 days for your brain to, to rewire, but like, it's not for you. Like, it's gonna change like within like the same week. You know, like, let your brain do the work. You know, he needs 90 days. Okay, you would be different like within 2 weeks. You just drastically change your life, you know.

Exactly, exactly.

It doesn't take 21 days to get rid of a bad habit. Like, it takes like days, like a few days, you know.

Yeah, it's not too hard, right? That's why I say it's effortless in that sense. But you touch like on a very, very good point of now that this is out of your life and this is the main benefit I always tell to other people, which is now you're able to be bored and really think, right? Just think like people in this day and age, we're fed with distractions all over the place. And PMO is a huge one, right? Because PMO means that oftentimes, I mean oftentimes it is packaged with, oh, let me do it for a few hours, right? Which takes a lot of time, right? And that means that you're not thinking about anything meaningful. On top of that, afterwards you feel shame, you feel guilt, so you distract yourself even more. And so you just spend like days, months, years being distracted, never, like you said, planning about the future, thinking about things that are meaningful to you that will motivate you to do new things, for example, or that you could reflect upon, right? I always give this example. Well, if you're bored and you have nothing to do and you're just there thinking, you're going to know more about yourself Or maybe for example, you're gonna think about something or someone that means a lot to you, right? Like let's say for example, you have one of your siblings and you start thinking about like, oh yeah, my brother, I love hanging out with him. And you start thinking about like memories and you feel good and you're like, I need to give him a gift, right? And then you think about giving him a gift and then you go and give him a gift, for example. And then boom, like you start actually like doing meaningful things in your life. But when you're constantly distracted, you never reflect. And when you never reflect, well, look, life is just going to pass by. It's almost as if you're living in another dimension, right? And you're never present in that sense, right?

Yeah, it's a capsule. It's literally a capsule. Like, you start with one, and then like 1,000 later, you realize, wow, it's been weeks that I'm here. Like, whoa. I haven't done anything in weeks. This is why I think diary, like, uh, writing in an agenda what you want to do, everything, right? Like everything you're thinking of doing, you know, eating lunch, write it down, drinking water, write it down. And then at the end of the day, realize what you did, what you didn't do. Yeah. And you know, I don't think about, oh, how I'm going to turn 2025 into my year. Think about your afternoon.

Yeah, of course. I mean, you know, you can't live in the future.

Yeah, so yeah, if you do that 365 times.

Yeah, yeah, I see.

But of course, yeah, but, uh, yeah, exactly. Just need like be aware of what you're doing, write it down, have like a visual of what you're doing, what you're not doing. And this is like how you realize how it is.

Great.

And one thing also, like, I keep thinking about is like, whatever you're watching, it's like, oh, this is a wonderful lady. If she comes out of the screen, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna flirt? Are you gonna talk to her? Are you are you able to do what they're doing in the video? Like, are you capable physically? Yeah, you start thinking, actually, no, I cannot hold her like this or whatever. So, like, yeah, go to the gym if you're not able to do this.

I mean, that's another thing, right? Because when you really think about it, porn is more like a fantasy. It's like you just kind of like— it's just like as if you're like in another universe. It's not that you're actually in another universe. It's just like you're so in your mind that you're just living this experience in your mind. You're not even living it physically. So I always also give this example within my course and within my future book, which is, look, if you're, let's say for example, you watch these videos about this certain actress every single day, if you met her in real life, probably not going to react like not even the slightest bit, like the same way that you're reacting when it comes to like, you know, watching her on those screens, right? And so that's the thing we gotta realize. It's like we, as, you know, as men, it's like the value, the inner value of porn is nonexistent. It's literally nonexistent. And we're not saying this to force you to stop. We're just saying like, look, it is a screen. You're the one just creating all of like those placebos around it that, you know, porn is not giving you. It's you that is giving, you're giving that to yourself. And there's no point in watching porn. There's just literally zero reasons. But obviously we got to tackle those reasons, right? For example, when you watch the course debunking every single benefit, understanding these things so that it really helps you just understand why you do it. And then you can just say, oh, you know what? I have free will. I can choose. Let me just move on from it. And it's pretty effortless in that sense. But Joey, what were your— Were you gonna say something?

Yeah, I know, because you said like you don't want to force them to stop. It's just like, no, there's no— we're not enforcing it on you. Yeah, we just want you to know it's a choice.

Exactly.

Like, if— like, be aware that you're, you're choosing this, you know. If after 10 years you realize you just ruined your whole life, every opportunity, you just broke it. It's on you, you know, like, those like, oh, I was addicted. No, you're not.

As a team, you're not.

People like to outsource responsibilities, you know, the same as when you snooze your alarm. You're not addicted to snoozing your alarm. You just want to sleep more. You're not addicted to sleep, you know.

Exactly. And that's, that's, that's very, uh, interesting, you know. And we're not saying this again to say, oh, just man up, just toughen up, like, just, just Just be— yeah, exactly. Like, you have full mental autonomy to make the choices that you want, right? And this is the power that you have. It's just a lot of people kind of like— they somewhat like this idea of, let me not take responsibilities for, uh, the things I haven't done or the things I've done which were detrimental to me, and, you know, blame it on external force, external force like porn or masturbation or the fact that the world is over-sexualized. Look, you know, there are other people your exact age with the same amount of testosterone as you, same libido, who don't indulge in those things. And we're not saying you need to be like them. We're just saying like you have the ability to just, you know, interpret, redirect. You can choose to suppress, you can choose to do whatever you want. With that innate desire to be with women. And you don't have to go and watch porn or masturbate because watching porn or masturbation doesn't really give any value. I mean, it doesn't objectively give any value. And even if we look at the studies of masturbation, which is another subject, if you want to watch my videos on my YouTube channel to understand more, you can. Let me ask you this, Joey, like before, like you started like everything, you know, with the courses and the coaching, what were your doubts? What did you think in your mind? Maybe it was like, oh, this is not going to work out, or, oh, I've done this in the past, something similar and didn't work out. What were your doubts and how were they cleared after you really just left porn masturbation, you went through the videos and the coaching?

For me, because I just been hospitalized so much, and I couldn't, like, finish the classes, uh, in person that I was, like, in universities and everything, because I had to leave, come back, leave, come back. So at a certain point, like, you know, it was— everything was meaningless, you know? It was just like, what I'm gonna do, you know? I wasn't happy. I was like— and I was staying at home most of the time because, you know, like, all my friends graduated and left. and then like what I'm gonna do. So it was the fact that, you know, like if back then I stayed bored for a few days and started thinking about how can I socialize, like I wouldn't be falling to it, but it was just the idea of, oh no, I don't know what I'm doing, I have nothing, this at least I'm feeling happy, you know, like whatever.

You mean PMO, like participation? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And this is like, for me it was like a refuge, but, but then you realize, you know, it's not, it's not a cover that's covering you, it's suffocating you, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

And then you realize like the next day then things started going well, but then, you know, in my mind I was like, no, it's an addiction, it will take time, you know, I cannot call it cold turkey, even though I tried, you know, it would be like a few days and then I come back.

Yeah.

And for me it was like, this is normal, you know, like it's normal, it's an addiction. But then after watching your classes, it's like literally, you know, when you're tired and then someone slaps you and you're like, whoa, I'm up now. Like everything is bright, everything is clear right now. Like, it was, it was like that, you know. It's like, like, yeah, I am, I am saying to myself, oh, it's fine. The fact that you say it's fine, it means it's a decision that has been taken.

Yep.

It's not your brain that's telling you do this, you know. It's you being okay with it.

Exactly.

And this is, this is like when I started realizing, you know, Like things are going good, fine now, you know, health-wise.

Nice.

They could, they could get much better, you know, if I just put in the work. And it's not, I'm not telling you like start an enterprise tomorrow, you know, just like work an hour a day, maybe that's an hour more than what you used to do. You know, and just— and, and then you build up to it, you know, you get interest. But just, I think 7 minutes a day is enough to build an interest, is enough to get into something, you know. So it's just like, just start. Just like, oh no, I don't know what I'm starting. Well, 3, 2, 1. Whatever you just thought of, start it.

Exactly.

Yeah, man.

No, I totally agree with you here. And that's the thing, right? People just got to start whatever it is. We're not even just talking about quitting porn masturbation. We're talking about just in life in general, right? You got to start because look, most people that we coach are from the age of 26 and upwards, and we also have younger people and it's like, look, whatever age you're at right now, it's like you can do— we're not just talking about business, we're not just talking about careers, right? We're not just talking about those things. We're talking about just like in life in general also, right? Whether that's like the fitness that you want to pursue, right? Like, for example, the physique that you want to build. Maybe that's like you reading books, for example. Maybe that's you building something which you wanted to build for so many years, but you're always procrastinating on it because you were so distracted. Just do it as soon as possible. Even if it's just a small amount of work, even if it's a big amount of work, just try it and see how it is. And you're probably going to end up not only enjoying it, but seeing a lot of progress, which is going as a byproduct to make you enjoy it even more. Even though it sounds cliché to say just start now, it's like, yeah, start now. The only thing which—

You're here for a reason.

Yeah, exactly, exactly, man. But yeah, man, thank you Joey for sharing your journey and sharing these insights here. If you guys need more help, I have a free private community that you guys can join down below. But anyways, I'll see you guys in the next video.

Peace.