My Deadly Simple Approach to Killing Lust

Porn is simply a mental fantasy. You don't even need to worry about the porn. The truth is, okay, your fantasy is appealing for one reason, for what it's going to give you. And most of the time, what it's going to give you is whatever you lack, right? Because for example, if you, for example, I don't know, like let's say that you really, really, really want to retire your parents, then you're going to quote unquote fantasize. We don't say fantasize, but let's say you're going to daydream sometimes of retiring your parents and how that would feel, right? You'd feel better, right? You'd feel confident, maybe, right? I always visualize when I would listen to music, I would just kind of think of me being confident, being prideful, achieving all of those things, whatever, right? I would visualize that, right? And sometimes I would do it without music. Sometimes I would do it just with my own thoughts, right? Whatever, right? It's daydreaming. It's like a fantasy. And I do that in order to feel a certain type of way, which is, for example, feeling confident. Let me close that door. So I'm doing that to feel a certain type of way. For example, confident, right? Because, for example, maybe I felt like I wasn't confident enough that I wouldn't be able to achieve my dreams. But when I'm thinking about this now, then I feel confident, and then because of that, I feel like I can achieve my dream. You see, like, it's kind of like a self-fulfilling prophecy. But then the thing is, okay, the thing that is very interesting is you do the same with PMO. You do the same with your fetish, your fantasy. When I realized that the fetish that you, that everyone has, that I had, like, for example, oral sex, right? Oral sex is like the most common one. Everyone dreams about this nowadays. It seems like it's the best thing on earth, even though a few years ago it wasn't really talked about as much, right? And I'm, you know, obviously there's no statistics, but it's not as if they were putting that on a pedestal as much as today, right? I'm getting, you know, oral sex. I want to say the word, but you know what I mean, oral sex. But then I was like, what does oral sex mean? And I realized that for me, for example, and maybe it's different for you, but probably similar. But for me, if I receive oral sex, to me that means that I am basically receiving love and worthiness. I'm feeling worthy and I'm feeling, you know, validation basically. And so just to give you a quick backup, the reason why feeling worthiness and love for me was important was because when I was young, I literally I was taught that no woman, no woman at all would like me. I literally thought that. I genuinely believed that in my whole heart that I would die alone, right? Because I don't even remember what happened, but I thought I was ugly and all of those things. And then maybe it was bullying, whatever. And then on top of that, when I went to high school, no woman, no woman. I talked maybe to 2 women, talked to them as just a normal conversation. Obviously, I'm not saying that I didn't talk to any woman for saying hi or whatever, but I'm saying like real conversations, 2, okay, literally 2. And on top of that, no woman was ever interested in me, in being with me, right? Even though all like pretty much the rest of other men had some form of relationships. And to me that confirmed it, right? So then when I would, watch porn, right? The way that, you know, the porn industry is kind of using their marketing is they're saying like eventually the best way to feel love, to feel affection, to feel, you know, that the opposite sex desires you is to watch porn because they're showing their whole body, they're ready to do anything for you, they're ready to give you your own personal fantasy at any time, right? That's the way they portray it, right? And what happens is it's like, you know, just like me thinking of retiring your parents or you thinking of retiring your parents in order to feel a certain type of way, you do the same thing with your fantasy. Now you start thinking, you know, to watch videos over the years like, oh, okay, that video, that girl did this and she showed, you know, she did such a dirty thing. But that means that, oh, if she did such a dirty thing, that means that she must love that man. So you start associating that with love. You start associating the oral sex with love, with validation, with worthiness. And you're like, okay, yeah, she's doing something so taboo. And you think in your mind that's the only way to feel love, worthiness, affection, right? Even though there's like many different ways that don't require lust at all, okay? And you have the belief in the back of your mind because of this cultural knowledge we have nowadays that sex is ultimately the highest form of love in that sense, right? I'm not saying like, you know, true marriage, it's bad, whatever, obviously not, right? You know, I'm someone that waits until marriage. But what I can tell you is that they kind of tell you like, you know, your fantasy, right, of let's say a certain position, a certain act of sex is basically not only the most pleasurable thing on earth, but also the number one way to prove that you're getting validated affection and love. So when you watch those jars, it's like you're portraying that onto those jars. And that's what happens. You don't watch porn because, wow, okay, a woman is having sex with another man. Like, that doesn't make sense physically. It's that you fantasize, right? And a lot of people say like, oh, when I'm watching it, you know, I cannot stop. The thing is, you're just so indulged in that fantasy, you're using all of your mental effort into that fantasy, and you're not willing to just go and do something else that obviously, it's just you choose to, right? Okay, because if I'm daydreaming of something, if I'm, let's say for example, right, I'm poor, I don't have any money, but I'm daydreaming of becoming a millionaire, it's gonna feel good. Like, it's gonna feel good. right? Because I'm daydreaming of that, right? But maybe my definition of feeling, I mean, not my definition, my way to feel good when I'm poor is to think of a family member that I like. And then I start thinking like, wow, I had such a great time with them. Imagine if we go on a vacation to Paris together, you know? And then you start feeling better. Same thing with the fantasy with porn, same thing. You just think. It's not literally the video that's gonna give you some type of, oh my God, this is so amazing. It's just like movies. You get so indulged in a movie that you feel like you're daydreaming, that you're inside of that movie, that you're literally inside of that movie. When I used to watch anime, I'd be almost daydreaming to the point where I was like, man, I wish I was in Naruto. I wish that I was one of the characters. And then I tried to, and I was like, let me replicate that in real life and do things similar to them, right? To that point, right? But then I realized that, you know, it's not a good life, okay? And that's the thing. Fantasizing about something is normal. Like daydreaming about something is normal, right? But that doesn't mean that you need to do it with sex. That doesn't mean you need to always do it. That's what people get confused. They're like, oh, you know, sexual thoughts are normal when you have puberty. But it's like some people just think about love. Some people just think, you know, some people think about sexual thoughts before puberty. So it's like, you know, what is it? Is it the fact that they've been you know, exposed to porn and sexual ideas before puberty that makes them basically think sexually? Or is it that at 8 years old they just have random sexual thoughts out of nowhere? Think about it. Just think about it. We've been so brainwashed that we just believe that there's one truth, and that truth is a complete lie, right? We need to see the other side of the coin because your fantasy is just a fantasy. You think that that fantasy is the best way in order to feel a certain emotion, when in reality it's just that you believe it is, right? Because for example, for me, if I think about, let's say I wanna think about sex, right? I don't think about these fetishes I'm gonna do when I'm gonna get married. And I don't even really see the point in thinking about sex often. Yeah, maybe once in a while. But you know, what I can tell you is, you know, Thinking about it is like, how can I say? Thinking about like those fetishes, it's not like, you know, you have something wrong with you. It's like, oh my God, you're wired differently because you think about different kind of sexual acts that society says that is bad for you, whatever, right? No, it's not that. It's just that you believe that those kind of like fantasies that you have, those kind of fetishes, is the best way in order for you to feel Maybe love, maybe affection, maybe validation, maybe feeling worthy. And oh, that's why, like, when I talk to people in real life, the ones that, you know, and obviously I don't preach that, but the ones that, like, for example, they're with women, they're, you know, they have a relationship, or they're, you know, talking often to women, are usually, they don't care about porn. They're like, okay, yeah, porn, I mean, maybe once in a while, maybe they don't do it even at all because they're like, you know, there's no point in doing so. But the ones that, you know, and obviously I used to be in that boat and I'm still, you know, I'm a man that waits for marriage. But the ones that, you know, don't engage in those things usually have that kind of idea that like, wow, I mean, you know, porn is just like that thing that's going to give me the best form of— but it's just all a fantasy because in real life it's obviously different. It's like, imagine you think of a brand new car that you've never been in, like let's say, let's say for example Lamborghini, you have an idea of a Lamborghini that you really want in your mind. Well, when you're going to get that Lamborghini, maybe it's going to be different, right? So it's just a fantasy, you're thinking, you're not, it's not reality. Yeah, you can go and visit that Lamborghini, right? And see like how it is and you can think about that, but it's still not like in front of you, right? It's, you might still have false ideas about it. So what I'm trying to eventually essentially say Okay, is that at the end of the day, you don't need to worry because you just need to look at what kind of emotion, what kind of meaning does these certain sexual acts, those certain fetishes mean to you, okay? Because for me, for example, if it was oral sex, then it means love. It means like, wow, a woman is willing to do all of those nasty things for me, then that means that she loves me. But I was like, look, I mean, so I was like, bro, so you're saying that if you're married and a woman doesn't want to do this to you, that means she doesn't love you? I was like, no. Like, and then I was like, I just got brainwashed basically, right? I just got brainwashed. Or, and I realized I don't even need, I don't even need those sexualized. Okay, if they happen, cool. You know, it is what it is, right? It's like video games. Like, I'm not gonna play video games, but if a cousin invites me over and he's like, 'Let's play video games.' Why not? If a friend wants to play video games, why not? But normally, I see the point of doing so, except for the fact that he's, let's say, my friend, for example. Sorry. So you see, right, it's purely just in the mind. It's not your brain is wired differently. Like, come on. And the truth is If you believe also that, you know, because like I just gave you the example, like if I, for example, one of my fetishes was, you know, something that would be very taboo and I believe that, you know, it would be a sign that I'm worthy and then I'm in a marriage and she doesn't want to do that certain fetish because Maybe she doesn't know about those things and she's scared to do them, and maybe she finds it disgusting, for example. Well, guess what? Guess what? Does that mean that I'm now not worthy? You know, you create those false ideas. It's not that you're not worthy because she's not willing to do something that she finds disgusting. You see how society has been so oversexualized to the point where it's like we tie every single emotion that we want to feel to sex, to sexual acts, to masturbation porn, fantasy, whatever. Your fantasy is just a fantasy, meaning that it's not something real. It's not something that will necessarily happen, and it cannot happen the way that you think about it. You know, it cannot happen the way— the, the same as if it was your fantasy. It's just something you wish to happen in order to feel a certain type of emotion, and you feel that emotion just by thinking about it. I can think about saving a woman from a stranger, and I don't know, like, hitting the stranger and protecting her, and feel so masculine, confident, validated, worthy, full of love. I can think about those things, just like I think of being successful, and it makes me confident, it makes me feel worthy, whatever, right? You see, it's really that simple. But then the question is, is there a better option? Like, I mean, debug first of all the fact that you think that all of these sexual fantasies are the only way for you to feel certain emotions and why they're not. You know, just ask yourself, like, what does it mean to you in depth, right? Ask yourself that and then be like, okay, I mean, can I feel certain emotion with Maybe thinking of a different scenario, or do I even need to think about different things in order to feel an emotion? Can I just be okay with just living life and I just let it go? If I want to think about love, then I think about a woman hugging me. It's up to you, right? It can be, literally, your fantasy can be a woman hugging you and giving you a kiss. It can be you having 4 kids and a wife that loves you. That can't be a fantasy. That's why, you know, there's the sad thing I see, and I don't want you to kind of have the same belief as me here, but you know, it's like we've been so oversexualized, and not as in like, oh, we have a disease now, but like we've been fed all these false ideas where it's like, where it's like, you know, we don't even think clearly, all we think about is, oh, sex is like the best thing on earth. And we don't think about all of the other meaningful things that can be, you know, not only way more meaningful, but that are actually meaningful. Like having, like, just think about this scene, right? Imagine that you're a father, you have your wife cooking something in the kitchen, you're living in a house, like on a farm, you know, it's a sunny day. Um, I'm about to cry. Okay, I'm not about to cry, but this is meaningful to me, right? Um, the wind is just like breezing through, and you're— you see your 4 kids, you know, playing outside together, having fun. You know, they have an age gap, and they're playing football. They're playing in the field. There's cows, there's, there's animals, and they just laugh and joke around, and your wife looks at you and shows you how she just cooked the meal for all of the family, and you can all sit together, and then you'll teach your kids a lesson. Just think about, like, you know, there's way many— there's other things that are way more meaningful than sex, because sex, you know, yeah, okay, it can be meaningful, right? But You know, those fetishes and sexual desires are not something that you need to keep forever, and I'm not forcing you to keep them, uh, to erase them. I'm just saying that, you know, you have different options. Hope this was helpful.