A coach who quit porn years ago argues NoFap backfires by keeping porn on your mind through constant suppression. He says porn desire is learned behavior that fades naturally in weeks without the struggle, and that counting days creates false pride instead of real change.
Hey guys, I wanna quickly explain why I don't actually do NoFap after having left porn for now a very long time and coaching countless men to do the same. And we have many guys that have left porn for over 1 to 2 years. The reason why you must leave NoFap is that NoFap creates a state of constant tension. What do I mean by that? It's very simple. There's something called the ironic process theory. Now it was a research done in the late 1900s, but to give you a brief explanation, when you tell yourself, don't think about porn, don't go back to porn, am I free from porn yet? Why do I still have the desire to do it again? Am I going to struggle? Maybe I'm going to come back again. I need to keep myself busy and do something about this as soon as possible. Well, what happens is your mind keeps on scanning for that very thought to ensure that you're not like thinking about it, which ironically just keeps that thought alive. It's like a cognitive trap at this point. Also, there is a problem with I really want to not want to watch porn, right? You see where this can be an issue where it's like you're trying to suppress your desire to suppress a desire. And another problem that a lot of people don't understand is that the desire for porn is nothing natural. It is not because of your hormones. It is not because of your testosterone. It is not because of you being wired that way because you can see so many beautiful women on a screen in a split second. Your desire for porn is actually something that you have cultivated over the years and you've attached certain emotional needs probably to it that have nothing to do with your body, your biology, or your chemical makeup. And once you understand that, you understand that porn has as much power as video games has over you. And that leads to the next point. Why is it that when it comes to quitting porn, we want it so bad, we want to quit so bad, but we seem to struggle? Whilst when it comes to other behaviors that have a similar makeup, such as video games, movies, animes, we just have the intention to not go back. And after a few weeks or maybe a few months, we naturally move on and we find better things to do. And to add on top of of that is the simple thought that if you were to quit porn, that would be like an achievement where people might be impressed by you, just like if you got a high-paying job or if you just ran a marathon where people would be like, wow, this is an achievement. We think that people would react the same way when the reality is people don't care about how many days you've been free from porn. We attach so much of our self-worth and our sense of— and we almost do it for pride rather than to just make our life better and to get closer to God, for example. This is the problem with NoFap. You now have this identity and you're part of this group or movement on the internet, but you don't have to. So guys, really think about these points and don't fall for this cognitive trap.
