NoFap Is Way More Dangerous Than You Think
Samir Gardner argues that NoFap's addiction narrative misunderstands dopamine and that labeling yourself an addict through shame makes quitting harder, not easier. The DSM-5 doesn't classify porn as addiction, and 92% of men watch it without considering themselves addicted. He says real freedom comes from quitting without adopting a NoFap identity.
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NoFap is actually way more dangerous than you can think. If you don't understand what I'm about to say in this video, you might be stuck forever in an endless cycle of relapsing because of NoFap. I still remember the first time I ever tried NoFap. I was literally searching for videos on YouTube on how to be attractive to women because I thought that I was literally the ugliest guy on earth and I just wanted some love and some attention. And then I suddenly came across NoFap and I realized, yeah, I mean, I need to get on this. And I got on it. But let me tell you one thing. It took me months, years to even quit. And I've been talking to many people for the past years, and some of them have been trying to quit for more than 5 years, and they've been watching porn for decades. Then I realized, well, why is it that like all my other bad habits, like junk food, video games, social media, binge-watching Netflix, binge-watching YouTube videos, being just overall lazy and just staying in bed, Why is it that like all of these were so easy for me to overcome and I just left them behind and they even have really a desire to come back? But with porn, for everyone it's different. You probably relate. So I had to think and I realized that the overall framework that is used in the porn recovery space is total bullcrap. Now here's why and how you can actually break free from this so that you can actually break free from your PMO habit. The first thing is they tell you that porn has a huge amount of dopamine. That's why you keep coming back to it because this is the only thing that can give you a lot of dopamine. And then they try to justify it by saying that you watch more extreme and then more extreme and then more extreme jars. But if you understand psychology and if you understand how dopamine is released, you'll realize that this is totally false. I know you're like, no, Samir, I mean, you know, porn has so much dopamine, you're literally reproducing with so many women. But just listen to this. What dopamine is, dopamine is the anticipation in order to get a specific reward, meaning you're being motivated to get a reward, right? You get that rush of dopamine in order to get that reward. So for example, if I'm hungry and there is food in front of me, well, I'm gonna get a rush of dopamine so that I can be motivated to eat that food to get the reward of satisfy my hunger, for example. But for example, if someone tells me, just run for 30 minutes and you'll get $1 million. I'm gonna get a rush of dopamine before I run because I think, wow, I'm gonna get $1 million. So I'm gonna be motivated to run. It's that simple. You don't even get the rush of dopamine whilst you're watching porn. Most of the time you realize that when you're watching porn, when you just like take a break in the middle of it, realize that this is actually boring. But it's before you anticipated because of a reward. And what is that reward? For most people, it's stress relief, pleasure, sexual relief. They think that they're gonna feel euphoria. They think that they're gonna get some form of intimacy needs being satisfied. But that's all belief-based, because it's because you literally believe that porn can give you that, even though it cannot. And because of that, you release dopamine. And then all you do with porn, to be honest, is you just engage in a mental fantasy, the same way as if you were daydreaming about having intercourse. So that's the thing. And then NoFap comes in and tells you, no, but you're addicted to dopamine. No, it's just that You've been inflating the value of porn so high that's like you really want to have it. And so you anticipate it. Second thing, they create this self-image that you are a deviant person who is an addict to this. They literally tell you, you have an addiction. So you start associating yourself with someone who has a porn addiction. And that's not pretty. That means that now your actions are gonna be aligned with your self-image because that's what you do. If you perceive yourself in a certain way, then you're naturally gonna act that certain way. So for example, instead of thinking, ah, you know, maybe I shouldn't watch porn today, and then not really thinking much about it, it's like you see yourself as, no, but I have an addiction, it's gonna be hard, I should say no to myself. No, no, I'm not gonna watch it. Then you end up watching it, then you feel shame, then you say, I'm never gonna watch it again. And it's kind of like you're taking actions as if you were actually an addict. And for most people, being an addict is like literally thinking of people that take drugs and then they go on the streets and they lose everything. And that's, as you can see, a very destructive self-image. So you don't even think that you have control over yourself, but because you think that you're an addict, you now start, you now stop even thinking rationally. This is what we did with video games. This is what we did with junk food. This is what we did with all of these other bad habits that we just left behind and like, a few days. We just thought rationally, well, can junk food really give me the pleasure I'm looking for? And we thought, not really. I mean, eating healthy though, and then you start reading about the benefits of eating healthy, you know, it's all rational. Video games, you realize like it's a waste of time. I mean, you know, I can literally play video games in real life, right? Nothing was emotional. Nothing was like, oh, I need to quit video games. You just inform yourself on how quitting could be beneficial for you. and you chose to just leave it behind and live your life and pursue something else. But to be honest, we can do the same exact thing with PMO. We can do the same exact thing with habits. You might feel a bit uncomfortable at first, and that's normal, but you get adapted to it very quickly. And humans always adapt to anything, even the harshest conditions. I was reading recently the book Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, and they were talking about how they were in these concentration camps in World War II, and they were at the lowest of the lowest states. They were starving, they were cold, they couldn't do anything with their lives. They were so skinny that they could just see their bones. They were fainting. But yet they adapted and found ways to be happy, whether it was for them by getting back to their religion or finding some form of happiness in the little things. They always find ways, humans always find the answer if they want to find the answers. So that's what's happening. So when you get told by NoFap, no, but you're an addict, and look, here's the proof, here is scientific proof that, you know, porn addiction is real and why you're an addict. Well, you gotta realize that you can use simple logic to debunk this. For example, the DSM-5, which is the organization that classifies addictions basically, says that porn is not an addiction. Rather, it is just something mental that based on people's beliefs, they think they're addicted to, and based on their shame and morality. And still nowadays in Western societies, it's like 92% of men that watch porn, but not everyone thinks they're addicted. A lot of people leave it behind, especially when they get into relationships. So don't think that this is something controlling you that's just gonna force you to go back to it because then you just gave up basically. So when you understand those two reasons, you literally understand that if you really start like detaching yourself from this NoFap movement and instead you just embrace that you wanna live your life and it's not a part of your identity anymore, you'll realize like true freedom's actually gonna come. Freedom doesn't come from 90 days of being on NoFap. Freedom comes from choosing to quit porn and then living your life and pursuing something that makes you way happier. And you'll realize like actually like it is way easier and effortless than you think. I literally talk about this in my book, which might launch soon. So if you want to learn how to leave behind, I actually have a real course with real information that has nothing to do with NoFap, which is 2 hours long. And it's in my free private community, which you can join with the link in the bio. And also, if you want to be coached by me one-on-one so that you can quit as soon as possible within 14 to 28 days forever, then you can book a call with me and I will talk to you personally. Anyway, Samir Gardner, I'm out. Peace.
