Pov: Night Talk in Japan on How to Quit Porn
A speaker in Kyoto argues porn is an acquired taste, not a disease, and outlines four steps to quit: consume counter-information, build a detailed vision of your desired life, take on a challenging physical or social task yearly, and rebuild your identity through concrete changes like moving or starting a business.
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If you're struggling with quitting porn and you feel a ton of shame because you've been doing it for so many years that you feel like maybe potentially if you get married, like, your partner will find out about those weird fetishes, just listen to this video. I'm gonna really help you really quit this once and for all and really remove that shame. You gotta understand that when it comes to quitting porn, Porn is not a disease. What do I mean by that? I know you know that it's not a disease, but you treat it like one, right? So for example, the most common example of that is when you go and you tell yourself, oh look, I didn't want to watch porn, but I'm addicted, right? It's, it's something that happened to me. And once you tell yourself those things, What happens is you can't have agency, you can't take responsibility over that action, and so you cannot even examine it at the root. Okay, what you want to do, okay, is to realize that porn, masturbation, your fetishes are simply acquired tastes. What do I mean by that? You know, when, for example, you drink a coffee, right? Let's say you drink coffee for the first time in your life. You'd probably not really enjoy it, right? Especially if it's black coffee, because it has a bland taste, because it is something which just overall doesn't taste good, and all of those things, right? And so what happens is with coffee, over time you learn to like it. But the thing that you don't realize is over time you can also learn to unlike something. And so once you understand that, you understand that, hey, Essentially, you don't have to worry about anything. I'm sorry, guys, I'm getting a bit spooked out. What is this? Just in the middle of Kyoto and I see this beautiful places, but what is this? Anyway, I digress. You want to really realize, okay, that this is something which you can move. On from it. This is not something which will be with you forever. The reason why maybe it's been years that you've been trying to quit and you feel like you can't is because you treat it almost as if it was a disease again, right? Someone that has a disease, what does he do? He constantly checks if he's good. He constantly checks if he's healthy. Maybe not every single day, but frequently, right? And he's worried about getting sick again, right? And that's normal. But then porn is not a disease. Porn is something that you learn to like, maybe a bit too much, maybe infrequently, maybe you do it once a week, maybe it's 5 times a day. It doesn't matter. It is just something you learn to like, right? For example, for me, there are things that I learned to like, right, that I do every single day. So for example, um, I learned to like to eat, uh, chicken breast. And if I don't eat chicken breast, I'm probably going to feel very anxious. The reason is, is that mentally I told myself if I don't eat chicken breast, I'm not going to be in shape. And because of it, and if I'm not in shape, then I'll never be able to, um, be a great leader. I'm not going to be able to do this and that. But if I am in shape, I'm actually going to have the best of the best. If I literally go a day, okay, a day without my usual diet, I'd probably feel some type of anxiety, stress, or just feeling uneasy, right? Obviously, I can deal with that. But I really don't want to miss my diet. Right? Same thing for the gym. And I'm not saying these things to brag, but I just want to show that it's possible because I used to be that guy that couldn't go without junk food, that couldn't go without PMO, that couldn't go with doubt, video games. And then I just learned, okay, again, acquired taste. I learned to like doing things that I now felt were going to be more aligned with what I wanted in life. And that was, you know, gym, diet, whatever. But what you need to understand is you can get into the same state with anything in life, with any behaviors. You can get into the state of you like that behavior so much and you hate not doing that behavior so much that it's like you just want to do the behavior, right? It's just a fortress to you, essentially, okay? And this is the thing that allowed me, okay, my students to just quit forever, right? What you want to do to facilitate that process is to feed yourself information that would counter those beliefs and that would help you adopt these new beliefs, right? So for example, I'll give you a very unsexy, a simple solution, I would say. And that is to simply go, okay, simply go and read or watch videos or consume information that would give you benefits and reasons why to do this behavior. Okay, very simple. Once you feed yourself those things, it's going to just click, okay. But if you want to make it even more strong, right, You want to create a compelling vision. Okay. If you watch my 10-hour course, one of the bonus videos talks about that. So I highly suggest you do go and watch that. But inside of the vision, that's going to help you with getting that bigger picture in mind, right? Having that clarity around like, what do you want long-term? And long-term motivates human beings a lot, right? Just think about— and having that vision long-term of, oh yeah, 'In the near future, I want to be married, have kids, be in the greatest shape possible.' And I'm not just saying like general things, I'm saying like specific things. And you go in depth with those things based on your, you know, life, right? And what your dream life looks like. What's going to happen is now quitting porn suddenly becomes something you're internally motivated to do. And it's not something you want to do just because you feel shame if you watch porn, or because Oh, your brain is going to get messed up, right? Instead, you'll be motivated internally because you'll be having so many strong reasons why in the back of your mind. And what's going to happen is unconsciously you'll move towards not watching porn, if that makes sense. So this is one thing. And now when it comes to dealing with shame, you can understand that you want to build that new identity, you want to go towards a new version of yourself, of course. If all of your life you've been feeling shame because you watch a certain show on porn, you want to go and do a drastic action. Um, today I was watching a video from one of my mentors, and in this video, he explained a Japanese concept which I forgot the name of. It was something along that, that started with M. But basically, that Japanese concept— and so what he suggested was that every year you do one challenge that is so hard that it will change the way you think, and that it will change the perception that you have about yourself right now. Of course, I'm not telling you these simple mental techniques. Instead, I'm telling you like a bit more of a physical challenge. But this is what I've done. I've done a marathon. I've done going online on social media, even though I was terrified that my friends will find out. I've done some of those things, right? And it drastically changes the current version of yourself, and you start becoming that new version of yourself that you want to be, right? And that obviously will mean in most cases, in 99% of the cases, that the shame will also be removed as a byproduct, right? And this is not the only solution, but it's one of the best solutions and one of the most transformative solutions. I talked to many guys who watch certain genres of porn in the past that would be deemed as unacceptable based on society's standards. And they have so much shame that it's like they just don't even take action towards, for example, getting married, towards, for example, pursuing certain goals, because they feel like they're unworthy of those things because of the jars of porn that they watch. Even though we all know logically, many people— because most people watch porn anyways— many people did watch those porn charts, and maybe even worse than that. And yet they own it in a sense that they don't obviously brag about it, but, you know, they, they just think it's normal. And then they get into a relationship, a marriage, and they're totally okay, right? Obviously those charts can have an impact on those relationships. But as you can see, it is something which you want to tackle. And the best way to tackle it is to build a new version of yourself. Because what happens with building a new version of yourself is you get to essentially take more action in your day-to-day. You, you can watch videos on how to quit porn, how to remove fetishes. Information is very important, 1000%. You need to start with information. But the problem is people just overload themselves with information and they don't even take action. And by action, I don't mean you go and you go do certain exercises on how to quit porn. No, I mean you go and live your life. People just stay inside of the room, looking at videos, looking at forums, being in communities, asking questions. It's cool you do that in the beginning, for sure. It's going to give you a ton of help. But at a certain point, you want to move on and just really live your life, really live your life like you want it to be lived. And of course, as a byproduct, it's going to help you quit any behaviors as you're going to experience better things. People don't even experience anything meaningful in their day-to-day, and then they're worried about, uh, how do I quit porn? It's like, go and fix your life, you know, go get a good job, go get a good career, start maybe a business if you want, right? And all of those things. And so, guys, it's really that simple. It's not even that hard. You will— maybe for you, the next actionable step in your life is to go and change your environment, right? Move to a different city. Highly suggest you do that. I've done that, it changed my life. I've done that a year ago. Maybe it's time for you to go and get married. Maybe it's time for you to go and start that business, that project, right? I know it sounds very cliché, maybe even cringe, because you heard that before, but there's nothing new under the sun, right? And you need to understand that you can always blame your past, you can always let your past hold you back, right? Or you can take responsibility for it, feel less shame, right? And take action. And so you, so you can build a new version of yourself, not the version of yourself that you— and instead move on from the past version of yourself that you were like for so long.
