Reacting To NoFap's Horrible Advice on Reddit

All right guys, so guess who's back? We're gonna react to what? To the NoFap space. Okay, you know me, I don't like the NoFap space and there's specific reasons why. But what we're gonna do, we're actually gonna give advice to these people and at the same time we might, uh, kind of roast them. Because not roast the people specifically, I'm not someone who's gonna insult, but more so the ideology. Okay, because the ideology of NoFap is completely completely false. And it's literally why people struggle. So let me explain. Okay, so let's say, let's just take a Reddit post. Why not? Cool. So done 60 pushups. The aura of NoFap is unreal. I did 60 pushups in 3 sets today before I hadn't been capable. Okay, cool. So this guy is actually feeling good, being able to make progress, which is a good thing when it comes this because you need to be happy not watching porn and not be miserable. That's like normal human nature, okay? Uh, you know, it has nothing wrong people talking good about like, you know, not watching porn. Uh, why does no one respect porn addiction? Okay, okay, let's read this. This is something I wanna— I kind of wanna dig into. Post on— I don't know, was that bottom of porn addiction being sober? And make comments on this regarding my usage on the term sober and it being addiction. Just another example on socially unacceptable porn addiction, which adds to the shame, which leads you to fit more. But if I'm a drug alcoholic, I get all the sports equipment in the world. Now, the reality is both being a drug alcoholic, quote unquote, as an addiction, and being an addict to porn, both concepts are flawed, to be honest. I'm not going to get too much into the drugs, the alcohol, the iniquity, because obviously that's not the topic of the video. But what we need to understand is I understand his point of view. It's like, oh, if you're an alcoholic, you'll be respected by everyone, you'll be treated differently, which is a huge benefit that alcoholics gets to have. It's like, oh, you are the alcoholic. So now, yeah, you drank too much yesterday. Oh, it's cool. You're an alcoholic. That's the reason why. So you don't have to go to work today. You don't have to have the same responsibility as everyone else. That's a huge benefit in people's minds. So it makes them want to drink unconsciously. Just imagine you can start taking responsibility for your own life because you drink alcohol. That's literally one of the benefits that they get, right? And I think one of the things that he's kind of jealous about here in this post is like, oh, why don't they feel the same empathy towards me? Why don't they give you the same benefit, right? I'm not saying that that's what he feels like inherently, but I'm saying that it might be because a lot of the times we try to have people, we try to justify our actions And since there's a lot of shame and guilt around porn, because we try to justify our, I mean, when we try to justify our actions, we're basically trying to remove the shame and guilt associated with this so that we can feel better about ourselves, which is noble human behaviors, right? It's like, why blame yourself and take responsibility for something that is quote unquote shameful for someone else? You know, why take responsibility when you can just blame something else or blame someone else which seems rational and that the other person will believe, right? That's like really like deep mental processes that people have, right? Let's look at other things. I'm kind of sick, right? I don't know what happened, but all right, all right. Has anybody else fallen into this trap? When you start off watching normal porn due to lust and then watching taboo stuff due to the intensity. So it's not due to the intensity, right? Like the thing is, In a sense, I kind of agree. But at the same time, it's not because of intensity. Because the reason why you will go to more taboo stuff, quote unquote, first of all, okay, we got to say that the taboo stuff, it's still porn at the end of the day, right? You're still watching a lifeless video. It's literally just like right now I'm in front of my computer, right? You see, I'm in front of my computer. It's literally just my computer screen, right? I'm watching my computer screen. Okay? If I watch a video on my computer screen, it's still the computer screen, right? But what changes is how I interpret the computer screen to be. So if it's a video, I might interpret it different. If I'm watching a widescreen, I might interpret it different, but it's still all in the mind, right? So when you say watching taboo porn or watching vanilla porn, there's no difference to be honest, right? Because it's still in the mind. You still gotta interpret it, right? Now obviously, like the video itself is different. I'm not, saying that it's not different, right? But I'm saying that the way you interpret it, right, the way how you say what is bad, what is good, makes no sense because both are just videos, right? They're not physical. Okay, so yeah, there's a lot of people that are talking about how their boyfriend watch porn. Okay, poor dude, rude by boobies. Okay, bro, that here I was A craze. What's a craze addict? For over a decade, since I was 12, I watched everything imaginable, literally at least once every single day. When the moment came, when I finally saw my first movie in real life, I felt nothing. It was just movie on the screen. I touched them and I felt nothing. Like I had all the other things behind. I've said it all. And now the real thing is born. I thought I wanted to do all of this craziness. Now nothing can compare to the pixels on the screen. The feeling about it. To be like, myself, save yourself. So hopefully NoFap can return to my kid bedroom state. Okay, so the thing is people inflate the value of porn so high and because they inflate it so high and they're comfortable inside of their bathroom, for example, or inside of their bedroom, what happens is they have time to just mentally fantasize so much that they just feel so good what they're watching porn because pleasure is in the mind, right? So when you mentally fantasize, what happens is you just, I mean, the pleasure comes out because you're mentally fantasizing, you're mentally having pleasure. Pleasure is mental, okay? So when they have a physical experience, the reason why it feels kind of messed up, I mean, weird and it feels nothing, because it's probably stress, right? Most people, the stress ages. So when you stress, ages, most of the time you focus on your stress, anxiety. You're not focused on mentally trying to enjoy that thing, if that makes sense, right? Because you could enjoy the sex, right? You could enjoy, uh, anything. You could enjoy anything in life the same way that you enjoy porn, the same way you enjoy sex, the same way you enjoy masturbation, the same way you enjoy playing sports. You can enjoy anything because pleasure is dependent on you. It's dependent on your mind, right? And you can see pleasure in anything. Now, the reason why it felt nothing is because he couldn't see the pleasure in sex. He decided to not see it because he was instead focused on stress and anxiety probably, or because he was maybe thinking about something else whilst doing it, which is totally normal. Not a sex therapist though. So look, let's see other takes. Guys, I failed. Okay, first of all, there's no such thing as failure. I've been trying to stop NSFW all day, not all day, today, and I feel like I could lose it, especially after 2 days. "And I feel I don't deserve this girl." So the problem with NoFap is that once you watch porn, they say that it's a failure. And they completely disregard why you even watch porn in the first place. You bitches always win because when it comes to watching porn, porn is a choice. You decide to watch porn most of the time when you feel bad because you think that porn is going to give you relief. You think that porn is going to give you sexual relief, you think that porn is going to give you stress relief, you think that porn is going to give you emotional pain relief, you think that porn will give you pleasure and you're bored and you're lonely. So you're doing what you think in your own mind will be the best solution in order to feel more happy, to feel better than you are feeling right now. You're doing it in your own mind, you're choosing the best option in your own mind. But once you realize that porn is not the best option because it's literally giving you none of that, you realize that you just don't want to watch porn. So right now, yeah, okay, this guy wants to watch porn. There's no such thing as failing because he wants to watch porn. He's not forced to watch porn. He wants to watch porn for specific reasons. Right? And now the problem with NoFap is they tell you that you failed, that it's shameful, and that, look, you don't deserve this girl anymore. Right? They don't say this directly, but then they say it indirectly. They tell you, oh, you're going to feel like a loser. You just wasted all of your energy, you just lost all of your confidence and everyone else says that, so now you believe it, whatever, right? So now the thing is porn and masturbation, like porn is a lifeless video, masturbation is a physical act, right? That is with an orgasm. Like they're not things that are gonna kill you, right? I'm not saying this so that you do, that you go and watch porn and masturbate, but I'm saying that they're neutral. They're literally neutral in a sense that the only thing The only way it can affect you is if you let it affect you, okay? Because in and of itself, if I'm watching a movie, it's not going to affect me except if I let it affect me, except if I let the ideas of the movie influence me, except if I let, let's say for example, I get a massage, right? And let's say that the massage, I perceive it to be something bad for me, which will never happen. But because I perceive it to be bad, then that makes it so I feel bad about it, right? Which obviously will never happen. It's the same thing with masturbation. But the thing with masturbation is that the shame, and guilt around it, right? Which I understand. I'm religious myself, right? I'm very religious, very, very religious. But what I can tell you is that once you basically remove the shame and guilt and instead you just look at porn and masturbation for what they are, they're just a video and masturbate and like a physical sensation that ends with orgasm. And you say, oh, that's it? Like there's nothing special about it. There's no stress relief, there's no pleasure, Nothing magical, there's no special chemical. You realize, man, there's no point in watching porn, there's no point in masturbating. I don't even feel like doing it. It's really that simple, right? So there's no such thing as failing. Instead of saying, oh, I failed, oh, I've been addicted, oh, I feel shame, oh, this is bad, whatever. Just accept that you watch porn because you like it and ask yourself why. Why do you like it? And then once you know why, debug those reasons. I have many videos on my YouTube channel that says how to debug pleasure, how to debug stress relief, how to debug withdrawals. How to debug boredom, how to debug masturbation so that you even feel— okay, you don't even feel like doing those things. Okay, so let's see, uh, more posts here. Okay, let me see it. Why do you tell bits here? Okay, so why should I do NoFap? Uh, okay, part of the— this is a good question because like most of the people just go into the NoFap space without even asking themselves why should I do this. They just go because Apparently it's the best thing to be masculine, right? But they need to understand why it's good for them so that they can actually succeed with this, right? You don't do something without no reason. You never succeed to do something if it's for external reasons that you don't really care about. If it's someone pressuring you, for example, and then that you don't even want to do it, right? So look, okay, let's help this guy, okay? Tips on resisting the urge to fantasize. At this point, I keep myself busy all day. I work hard, exercise hard, read, journal, meditate, and I stay off social media almost completely. I feel like I generally have enough discipline and positive self-talk to ride out any random urges if, when they come. My only significant issue is that I often fantasize, usually before bed or in the morning. I think about previous sexual experiences, which I guess is better than fantasizing about porn, but I don't know if I should Sure, that's triggering the same dopamine response as the porn does. Okay. It generally feels good and it's hard to stop once I start. It's not a huge issue now, but I know from past experiences the fantasy session will trigger me to relapse at some point. Okay, another myth. If I let it go unchecked, on top of that, it's just a big inconvenience and has been messing up my sleep a bit. If I'm mainly just frustrated because I've built up so much discipline and so many good habits recently, I've really mastered my internal dialogue, But fantasizing is still such a huge struggle for me. If I get enraged or get triggered in some sort of way, I can pretty much always just take a deep breath and immediately talk to myself in a positive way to let the urge pass. But when I start fantasizing, I just hard stop myself. Any advice would be appreciated. Okay, so look, I start fantasizing, okay? Fantasization is not forced upon you. When you fantasize, it's because of the benefits you see in fantasizing. And usually it's not just benefits, but also beliefs, right? Because When we fantasize, most of the time we're trying to get a benefit out of it or we're trying to justify belief. So for example, I used to fantasize 24/7 about having sex because I believed that it will motivate me to work harder to pursue women, right? To pursue my goals, which will in turn attract the right woman for me, right? So I would think about sex 24/7 to motivate me, okay? But then I realized actually I'm spending less time working on myself when I'm fantasizing if I'm not fantasizing, then I'm way more of a man because I'm gonna be more religious. And for me, religion, it means masculinity. And I'm gonna be able to do what actually matters. I'm gonna be more focused. I'm gonna look more masculine in the eyes of women because I'm not thinking about sex 24/7. I'm gonna be more mature, so I'm gonna be able to lead more people. And I started linking all of these benefits to not fantasizing. And I just stopped fantasizing ever since. Maybe I'll do like once in a while, right? Or maybe I'll think about relationship, whatever. But I don't, I literally don't feel like doing it anymore. But I used to feel like doing it 24/7. That's what you got to understand. Instead of thinking this is a battle, this is an eternal battle, I need to master my internal dialogue or else it will be hard. No, it's none of that. It's just realizing that you want to fantasize, you want to do it. Don't fight your own desire because you're literally fighting yourself. And if you're fighting your own self, you can only hurt yourself. Of course. Instead, accept that you like something and see why do you like it so that you can debunk it and then see more benefits in not doing that thing and doing the opposite. Because it says, okay, triggering the same dopamine response. So what is dopamine? People don't even know what dopamine is. If I tell you what is dopamine, how is dopamine triggered, people will say, oh, dopamine is hormone. It's because of the pixels or because you see women naked. How does everyone say, oh, porn gives me so much dopamine? Then this guy says, oh, fetishization gives me so much dopamine. Bro, it's all in the head. He's right. It's all in the head. He's fantasizing. It's in the head. Dopamine response. What is dopamine? Dopamine is the anticipation to get a specific reward. So if you're getting dopamine from fantasizing, it simply means that you're trying to get a reward from fetishizing. So you're getting a rush of like, you know, this rush of like, oh, let me do this, right? You're motivated to go towards this, right? It's just like imagine that you were hunting, that you were to see, let's say, a deer in front of you, right? That you can kill it, have a lot of food for your tribe. You're going to get a rush of dopamine if your goal is to eat because you know that you'll get the reward of having food for the whole tribe, which is usual for you. So you're going to get the dopamine before you kill the edible. That's why we say the thrill, I mean, the thrill is in the chase and not the kill, right? So because we literally feel the dopamine to motivate us towards the reward. That's what dopamine is. So even Huberman, which I don't even really listen to, agrees on this. So you see he's fantasizing because, and then he says it will trigger. There's no such thing as you'll be triggered. You're literally telling me that you have no control over your own body? Okay, you're triggered. Like there's no such thing as being triggered. And once you can understand that there's no such thing as being triggered and that you control 24/7, and I'm not saying this so that you force yourself to not watch porn, force yourself to not masturbate, but it's that you realize that you're in control. Because once you realize you're in control, you realize that You choose, you always choose. You can choose to watch porn as much as you can choose to not watch porn. So there's no such thing as failing. There's no such thing as triggers. There's no such thing as relapsing because you're always in control. Guys, it's really that simple, okay? And discipline has nothing to do with porn. Discipline has nothing to do. Good habits have nothing to do. My internal dialogue has nothing to do. Porn is, yes, it's internal, meaning like it's in the mind, But this guy fights it off. He tries to fight it as if like he's denying his own self, right? He's denying his own rewards, his own desires. But instead, just reframe those desires. Realize that those desires are fake because you're literally desiring, let's say, porn for pleasure. Okay, my current camera turned off, but whatever. You're desiring porn for pleasure, sexual relief, debunk those, and then you won't even feel like watching porn. So guys, This is it for the video. My camera turned off, so I'm gonna end this video. Uh, record a new video maybe in the future, but go and watch my other videos if you want the ebook, everything further. Samir Gardner Gardner, peace.