The Brutal Truth About Why You Still Haven’t Quit Porn

I've been wanting to make this video for a pretty long time. I've been coaching people for years now, right? And I have came across this problem myself, and it's one of these things where it has nothing to do with mindset per se. Has nothing to do with psychology, which is the main thing which I talk about on this channel, that I coach people about. And I kind of want to give you a wake-up call instead. I want to give you this big brother speech, this talk that maybe your father never gave to you, because I had to learn most of the things that I know today by myself just watching videos. Now, thank God, of course, I've managed to do or achieve things that were essentially good and positive out of that research. And learning to be a man, right, learning to quit porn, learning to change your life for the better most people are simply doing the wrong things. I can be sitting here telling you about Carl Jung, I can be telling you about psychology, I can be telling you about Viktor Frankl's model of logotherapy, I can be telling you about the best and best mindset stuff that will completely change the way that you perceive a subject in depth. But if you as a man, you're not willing to go and take action, to go and be uncomfortable, to go outside of your comfort zone, to have a little bit of courage and do something, and most importantly, to take responsibility for your life and start taking responsibilities as in things that will force you to level up in life and putting yourself at risk because I'm assuming you're watching this video, you probably don't have kids yet, right? Here's what you need to understand. I've been talking to many people, right? And again, This is something I struggled with, so it's not like I'm— please don't, don't think I'm judging these people whatsoever. You know, I'll just share my story real quickly. When I was 17, I dropped out of school, and when I dropped out of school, I was working on myself, right? So I would go on my laptop, record videos on YouTube. You know, I still have those YouTube videos on my channel here. I would read books, and I would think I would be productive essentially, and For me, the idea of like, for example, getting a job was like, no, I won't get a job, this is slavery, whatever. I was brainwashed at that time in a negative sense, right? And so what happened is for 2 years, not only did I have no friends, but I was doing the same exact routine every single day. And I made little, to no progress. Imagine that for 2 years, you're just sitting in your room alone doing the same exact things that are not even outside of your comfort zone. Yeah, okay, I'm working out. Yeah, sure, I'm working out at home doing push-ups, doing pull-ups, doing squats. I'm meditating, right? As much as it did change my life and improve my life, it didn't allow me to grow as a man, right? And I was just doing this routine and I would think that, oh yeah, if I record another YouTube video, suddenly my life changed. And sure, my life could have changed if I just recorded better YouTube videos, let's say. But even then, I wasn't really putting in the work, if that makes sense. And so my life became hard because it was easy and boring and I wasn't doing what would be uncomfortable, if that makes sense. I didn't go and get a job so I could make money and then maybe move out and like become a man because now I have responsibilities, I need to pay bills, things of that nature, and I need to face real life. Because at that time, let me tell you, when I went there to get a job, even though I didn't get jobs before that, I was scared. I was scared of going for an interview. I was, even though I was this self-improvement guy for 1 or 2 years, you know, studying social skills, doing things of that nature, I just wanted to cope out of an interview. And it's not like fear is bad. Actually, fear is good if you act, you know, despite fear. You know, it's one of the greatest things. It's called courage. But do you realize that my life was the same because I was doing the same routine? And even though it was productive and, you know, You know, today I do the same routine every single day, but like I'm way, way more intense, right? I 10x what I do essentially compared to back then. But I would be doing the same things. I wouldn't be, you know, having any responsibilities. I had no bills to pay. I didn't have to meet people in real life. I didn't have to confront real life. I was just spending my whole day in my room. And so I say this because talking to people that I want to help and I want to genuinely see them change their lives, and I know that oftentimes they didn't get pushed by their parents, their environments, their, you know, the society, maybe didn't have a good father figure, right? And look, I had to learn things myself, right? So it's not like I, I had someone that taught me everything. Not at all. I had to learn literally everything from, well, let's say 95 to 96% of everything I learned was through me reading books and watching videos. But when you don't have that guidance, right? And what happens is, as I've seen many and many times over and over again, The biggest problem that people face becomes something so trivial, something so easy to overcome, right? The adversity that they face is so small compared to what they could be facing, yet they feel neurotic about it. Neurotic meaning they feel negative emotions and feel like they can't overcome that, and it becomes the biggest dilemma inside of their lives. If, for example, you can't stick to something, right, let's say a gym routine, right, this is basic level. If your biggest problem in your life is, let's say, that you're scared of getting, you know, let's say, to meet new people, right, like to meet and you go for people so you can make friends, and there's like, let's say, an event, and let's say you're so scared of that, and because of that you don't do it. Let me tell you, okay, that you're living a life where you're yourself putting yourself down. You don't understand that adversity, challenges things to overcome is the best things you could wish for. Because on the opposite side of things, you will still be this guy in his 20s, his 30s, his 40s, struggling with the same exact things because you never really went on and tackled something greater or went on and solved the greater problem. Like, let's say for example, you just something even a bit bigger, like you had to pay rent and you had, you know, for example, you were helping, let's say, your parents, or maybe you decided to do something outside of your comfort zone, you decided to book a trip and live somewhere else, you never really took those risks, you never really, you know, faced challenges, do you understand, right, that you're probably, and this is not me just trying to use fear, this is me giving you a wake-up call, because the probabilities of you living the same exact life and being the same exact person and struggling with the same exact things is probably going to remain high. When I was 19, um, 20, okay, I didn't have money, okay, and I still remember it at that time. I had a sales job and it didn't work. And again, I like to look at life as, did I do everything in my power to accomplish that thing, right? And the answer to that would have been no, because yes, I did work hard. I was working 10 hours a day just on that sales job, for example, but I didn't do all that I could. Now it's not like I'm regretting that, because I can't really change the past, as cliché as it sounds, but also the information I had back then, my mindset back then was different. So I'm not gonna judge myself based on the information that I have now, if that makes sense. So I didn't make money, okay? I made $1,000 or €1,000, so let's say $1,200 over 6 months. Of sales work because I got paid for 2 weeks, uh, and I didn't have any jobs like during those 6 months besides that one sales job. I did get one, but I made no money from it, right, because it was commission-based. And so I got the opportunity to essentially move out with someone else, right, move out of my parents' house at the age of 20. And I remember watching this video from Tucker Carlson, who's like a journalist, and basically he said that in life, if you want to grow, right, and he gave this example of if you have a kid, right, you're going to be working like never before. And a lot of people have this mindset of let me be ready as a man, right? Let me be mature enough so then I can have a kid. But what he presented as an idea is, why don't you get a kid, right? You get your wife pregnant, and then that's going to force you to become that man that is going to be a great father. And so I kind of took the same mindset, and I highly recommend you take the same mindset to your life. Where I was like, you know what, I'm going to move out. I'm gonna take that risk. Now, mind you, I had no money, no jobs, nothing was coming in. What happened is a month, or yeah, a month before that, I started, you know, focusing. I was still coaching people at that time, but then I started coaching people more, and then I certainly, you know, started focusing all full-time on my coaching. And thank God, some great things happened in my coaching and now I was able to essentially live off my coaching, okay? Just 2 weeks before moving out, not just 2 weeks before that, I didn't have any money. And I told my parents, okay, look, I'm gonna get a job and because obviously I can't let my parents pay for me. That's gonna be one of the tips also that I'm gonna give you guys is, if you still get things paid for, I highly suggest you don't do that anymore because it's going to force you to take responsibility. As they say, a lion that has been in a zoo his whole life and has been fed the meat and doesn't know how to hunt, if you put him in a jungle, he's gonna be dead, right? And so you don't want to be the type of guy that relies on other people because that's just going to, diminish your growth as a man, right? You're not gonna have responsibilities, and responsibilities is one of the best ways for you to just not just be a man, but as is the subject of this channel, quitting porn, for you to transform your life and let go of these behaviors. Because once you transform yourself and you change yourself, as a byproduct, you'll get rid of certain things in your life, and that might be porn, right? So that's just one way to go about it. Now I move out, right? And right before moving out, something happens where I lose all of the money because there was a problem with certain payments that I received. And the platform, like, the platform was known to just like hold the money, whatever. So I just lost all my money. Now mind you, I literally have $0, $0. okay? And I'm moving out and I need to pay rent. And rent, because I was splitting it, it was not too, too expensive, but it was still me going from zero to let's say $1,000, okay? So I went on and right after that, after losing the money that I made that I was going to use to pay my rent, I got randomly invited to a job. To like a 10-day job at this movie casting thing where it's like they needed people in the background. It was actually for the movie "Karate Kid." So it was one of the greatest life experiences. Now, here's two things that you need to realize with what just happened, right? First, you need to put yourself in those risks, right? You need to realize that Yes, mindset shifts are good. If you can train your mind to love taking risks, to love being uncomfortable, to love doing the hard work, that's great. I've done that and it changed my life. But one of the prerequisites in order to really put that into effect and make sure that you're consistent with that and really make sure that you even cultivate that desire to do the hard work, to take risks, to face challenges, and just to live an uncomfortable life, as you probably desire to do, is to take action, is to put yourself in the fire and then see that the fire is not as hot and continue being in the fire until your body adapts. And when I say fire, it's not like most of these things that we're facing on a day-to-day basis. If we just talk about relativism, we all know that we're facing nothing. Compared to what we could be facing. I don't need to go into the cliché examples of the tsunami that happened that killed many people or the current wars that are going on in the world where people are literally starving and don't even have anything and their family members are getting killed, kidnapped. We don't even have 0.0001% of their grief, of their pain, of their trauma. And yet we limit ourselves and say, oh no, but my problem, I can't go outside of my comfort zone because I'm scared of adversity. Do you realize, you know, as simple as it is to understand that as a man you can do much more than that? As a man, you can literally live your life and not have to live a comfortable life. Because I was writing my book today, I was just writing the second draft of my book, and I'm like, people don't realize this, but if you, for example, say I want to be married and have children, right? And let's say that in order to be married and have children, there's specific outcomes that you need to attain, there's specific actions that you need to take in order to attain those outcomes that will then make you a man that is ready for marriage or attractive to women for marriage, right? And so for example, let's say that these outcomes are you having financial responsibility, you having knowledge about your faith, you being a man of, responsibility, leadership, and overall you have this masculinity, and then you having physical strength, right? Or the ability to, let's say, fight, right? Let's say these were like 4 outcomes that you need as a man in order to be ready for a good marriage, because obviously you can get married to a woman and then, you know, you're, you're not the, the man mentally, you know, you're, you're not able to really handle the relationship, you don't have that maturity and things of that nature. And that would just ruin your marriage, and then you'll just end up being even more depressed. Now let's say that in order to achieve those things, you need to every day, okay, every day do some form of physical activities. Let's say you need to do 10 push-ups a day, even though that's, that's hypothetical, right? But let's say you need to do 10 push-ups a day for financial responsibilities You need to apply to 1,000 jobs so that you can get one job that will pay you a very good pay, and then you can basically be financially secure. You need responsibilities, so that means you need to move out, you know, and have your own place and pay your own bills, pay your own, you know, groceries, basic things. And then you have, you know, overall the— let's say you have just these three things at home, right? Now imagine that the actions that you need to take, as I said, apply to 1,000 jobs, do 10 push-ups a day, and all of those things, imagine that you procrastinate on them because you're like, oh no, but it's too hard right now, I'm not ready to do it yet, there's too much adversity, oh no, I feel too weak, oh no, there's stress in my life, oh no, I have too much pressure on me. The moment that you decide, you know what, I'm not gonna do it today, right? I'm gonna do it a week from now. Do you just realize that instead of doing it today, and you said, you know what, I'm not gonna start this now, I'm gonna start it in one week, I'm gonna start next week, let's say, hypothetically, that means, like, let's say these were the things that you would need in order to be married. you will 7x the time that it will take for you to be ready for marriage. 7x. So let's say that you were to achieve all of these outcomes, right? And let's say that you only have to be consistent with those actions for a year to be ready for marriage in order to achieve these outcomes. Then it will be 1 year. But if you were to say, you know what, I'm going to do it next week, and then you do it next week, most of the time people don't do it, don't even do it next week. Now you 7x, it's going to take you 7 years. And the sad thing about this is, you know, me, after talking to so many different people, right, people in their 40s done that in their 20s. I'm not just talking about procrastination, I'm talking about risk, challenges, living life, taking responsibilities. Right? Being okay with being uncomfortable and overwhelmed, being okay with letting go of your habits such as PMO, such as maybe it's video games, maybe it's music, maybe it's these things that are constantly distracting you and you're using as escapes. And now because of that, your progress is slowed down. If you're constantly escaping, you're like, I'm gonna do it next week, and then you escape to PMO because you don't like your current reality, and at the same time you haven't took action, you just then gotta literally— and this is just Big Buddha advice— you gotta almost accept that this is gonna be your fate, right? This is gonna be your reality if you decide to not change, right? Of course things can happen. Of course God will decide, you know, the destiny. But you got to be ready to not make those excuses anymore where you're like, oh no, I'm overwhelmed, oh no, I feel stressed. Because you don't realize that you feeling stressed, you being overwhelmed, will just build you up anyways. It— these are literally good things. You having responsibilities— and trust me, I've had a time where I had to pay rent and I had no money because something happened where I lost basically $1,500, which was a bit more than my rent. And because of that, I had no money in my bank account. And so I was so stressed out and I had to rely on someone that was going to pay me. And I was not even sure if they were going to pay me in the first place. They did end up paying me, but the lesson is that that pressure that I felt made me realize, you know, and this is some mindset stuff, but I was like, how can I use that to my advantage? How can I make sure that I can use that opportunity so that I can learn something new that I can then apply and improve as a human being, as a man? And I realized, you know what, that pressure I felt, right, I could prevent it by just having some savings, for example, right? So I started saving money. But also what I basically did is I realized like that pressure is, precious in the sense that once you feel pressure, once you, you face life challenges, right, once you face stress, anxiety, things of that nature, nothing bad is going to happen. Only good things are going to happen. And I want you to start waking up and start like taking responsibility for your life. Start saying, you know what, I'm gonna go and get a job and start paying my own groceries because my parents shouldn't pay for me. I'm gonna go and put my money that I gained from my job, book a flight ticket, and live in this place maybe for a month, if you can, obviously. I'm gonna go and start this project that I was supposed to start for the past few years, but I've been too afraid of starting because I'm scared of rejection. And instead of working on the mindset, the ins and outs, and the nitty-gritty of, oh, how can I make sure that I'm comfortable facing rejection, I'm just gonna go and jump 2 feet in because what's the worst that's going to happen? You're not gonna get traumatized. You're not gonna suddenly have your mental health be affected and then suddenly you'll be depressed in your bed and won't be able to do anything. That's all lies. Instead, you're going to, as a man, as you're built, be able to endure that. It's not even gonna be that hard, just like the gym, right? Like, yeah, the gym is uncomfortable, but it's nothing compared to like, let's say you were to be in a, fighting scenario where it's like you need to survive and you need to fight to death, for example, right? It's nothing compared to that, and your body can handle that, right? So it's like you gotta realize that the reality that you're facing, you not having responsibilities, you just being in your room and watching videos on how to self-improve, on how to quit porn, is not going to change anything. and you're going to just be in the same position if that's all you do. It's really that simple. I hope that you guys really take this message not as an attack, right? Because I remember when my friends that I met that, you know, this is another story where 3 years ago, right before 3 years ago, I had no friends for almost 2 years. I cut off everyone because people would bully me, insult me, laugh at me, and I had ambitions, I had things that I wanted to do with my life, so I wanted to distance myself from them, and I wanted to build a new version of myself and be able to freely express myself because I knew that they will judge me and hold me back. And so 3 years ago, I was on Discord and I saw that an hour or 2 from where I lived, there was a meetup for people that were like-minded, meaning people that were doing the same projects, that had the same mindset, same lifestyle, whatever. And so at that time, I was literally scared. I almost said, you know what, I'm not gonna go there because maybe this is too risky. You know, what if I don't know these people? What if they are dangerous? Whatever. I was very naive. Of course I was, what, 19, 18? Yeah, I think 18. I was very scared, but it ended up being a life-changing event where I now have these friends that, and this is, you know, what I'm about to say. For example, one of these friends is a very good friend of mine still to this day. I mean, we're pretty much still good friends from the people that we met 2 years ago where, you know, we have the same lifestyle, same values, same morals, and it's just like they're amazing people. And one of my friends, I remember that you know, this guy is a bit more like, um, like he is— he basically mastered mindset, right? He's like, he learned philosophy, he learned things of that nature, and he's very open-minded. And so he's one of those types of guys where he would do things that would scare him and have like this stoic mindset, if that makes sense. So he would always do things that scare him without coping out of that, right? But anyways, I remember him giving me feedback, right? Like giving me criticism, but obviously constructive criticism. And it hurted me. I was like, yeah, I know this is good for me, but I feel bad about it. And so what happened is I was basically hurt, but then the next day I was like, this is the best thing that you could have ever said to me. And so the lesson is you need to place yourself in these uncomfortable situations. You can't always wait for this next mindset shift, for this new realization, for this new information so that you can finally learn to quit porn, you can finally learn to turn your life around, because the information is not gonna change anything. Of course, if you use it, it's going to change something, but at the end of the day, if you're not willing to have courage, meaning act in spite of fear, If you're not willing to be uncomfortable and live a life where there is pressure, stress, because that's what men have been doing anyways for their existence. And just because we've been living in a society nowadays where our parents— we can live under our parents' roof and we cannot— we can just basically be comfortable in our own room and just do nothing. It's maybe time for you to make a change. It's maybe time for you to go and take your own apartment. Go and use the money that you make from your job and get an apartment and live by yourself. Live in a new city, live somewhere else. You don't want to wait for something or a video to fall out of the sky and be like, oh yeah, this is going to change my life forever because that's never going to happen.