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Welcome to the podcast. Today I'm joined with Samir Gardner. Today we're going to be talking about the dangers of pornography and what it does to our generation and our society as a whole. Samir Gardner, before we start, do you have any thoughts that you would like to share about pornography in general?

I think pornography just basically overall is something that gives you zero benefits and gives you a thousand downsides to your life, right? And it's just basically useless. That's it.

What do you think the biggest downside is of pornography?

I think it's just the kill of drive and hunger, because as men, we have a masculine urge to achieve things, to actually even go through violence and conflicts. But it kills that drive within us to actually even do those things in the first place. That's why we say that masturbation is castration and that porn makes you submissive.

It's a really good point. And can you explain more of being on being so like submissive because of pornography?

Yeah, so basically when you watch porn, right, you basically kill every masculine feature of yourself, right? Yeah, maybe you can get girls, but even getting girls is harder. So what happens is you basically, uh, get weak. And when you're weak, you cannot really like be like, oh yeah, no, I'm not gonna follow you. Oh no, I'm not gonna I'm gonna go against this thing. You can't really do those things. What happens is you just go with the masses like a sheep. You basically just do what everyone else is doing. But not only that, if someone is stronger than you, which happens in 99% of the cases, then you're not gonna, you know, go against them.

That's really interesting. And what are your thoughts, you know, on, you know, the whole idea? Because I saw that some, you in some places that pornography reduced the rape cases because people who have like a sexual hunger could, you know, waste it at home and not on the street. Do you have any thoughts on that? Do you think that pornography could be related to rape cases or it could help with?

Man, it's like saying that, you know, poison is going to help you. Yeah, you're going to die. So if you're a bad person, then it's better, right? But the thing is, the thing is what you got to understand is Porn reducing rape cases is like, it doesn't make sense. Imagine I'm saying, oh yeah, something bad will make something that is also bad, you know, less bad. You know, it doesn't make sense. So yeah, okay, yeah, it reduces rape cases, but is there other alternatives which are moral too? Yes, in 100% of the cases. But porn is accessible, porn addicts our natural dopamine system, so we become hooked and then we use it as a coping mechanism to even solve that problem of like whatever raping in the first place.

And, you know, we always talk about pornography being like a big problem, but don't you think that pornography could just be a symptom of like other problems in our society?

Yeah, I mean, definitely. But what happens is porn for most people, what happens is they create a problem because of that. So let's say, for example, someone who doesn't watch porn, now he starts watching porn. Now there's a problem of like him being lonely every time he doesn't watch porn because porn creates boredom. And boredom is a frame of mind, but because he had too much dopamine from watching thousands of videos, now when he doesn't watch porn, he feels bored. So the problem of boredom is created and now he's trying to solve that problem by watching porn. So that means that it's an endless cycle of, okay, I have this problem, let me solve it by doing something that created the problem in the first place. And then it just becomes, okay, I need more, I need more. Cocaine, like everyone, right? You feel bad, you feel negative, oh, let me take cocaine, but it's going to make you feel worse afterwards.

Yeah, I understand. And can you just tell us about what coaching services you offer? Because you're really deep into like all that, not all that pornography stuff, but you know about like rehabilitation of pornography. So can you just tell us about your coaching as a whole and who you are?

Yeah, so basically, my name is Samir Gardner Gardner. I'm only 19 years old from Canada. And I've been studying porn addiction for over 3 years now. I've been really passionate about just understanding the psychology behind addictions because I see that it impacted my life so much when I was a teen and also impacted like basically everyone's life around me, right? So when I see modern-day addictions, I know that it's evil. But when it comes to my coaching services, what I offer is basically coaching people under 14 days to quit porn and masturbation forever. Now, I have a lot of content which goes over that, which is free on my Instagram, on my YouTube, or whatever. And you can find literally countless of like very, very valuable piece of advice that can help you quit porn forever. But the only reason I actually, um, provide coaching services is because it makes people quit exactly like this in 14 days. So that's what I offer. I go over how to eliminate the subconscious, I mean, not eliminate the subconscious, but alternate the subconscious, eliminate softcore porn, day-to-day techniques, sexual transformation, and how to never relapse forever. And I also go over not only that, but after the period is finished, I go over how they can improve masculine parts of their life, like the business, because I'm expressing this, or physique, the mindset, and the social skills, the confidence.

This interest of yours towards like porn rehabilitation, Did you get it from because you were at once addicted to it?

Yeah, yeah, I mean, so I started this addiction at 12, and at first I was not really addicted because like everyone that's like, it's just something new, it felt weird, it felt like, what, like, what is that, you know? I felt like weird about it, but then I started doing like 3 to 5 times a day, and I was like, man, like, I didn't really care back then because, you know, I was still a teen, But then I came at 16, I was like, man, I need to change, you know. And once I realized that, you know, I can take so much things back into my life, like confidence, like enjoying the small things, aggression, masculinity, all those things. If I stop fapping, I was like, man, this is like the best thing ever. Because in my mind, I'm always thinking, okay, how can I beat my competition? Whether it's just even friends, whether it's just anyone in this world, right? I'm like, okay, how can I be better? And because of that, when I realized that everyone is fapping, but I can stop fapping pretty easily, I was like, man, this is the best of the best opportunity for us men to actually evolve.

And you talked about, well, you starting at like 12 years old, you were thinking it's disgusting. I had a similar experience, you know, with friends, you know, you were in like elementary school, you were just talking about it. Everybody was talking about it. People were going on YouTube watching videos of like women kissing. And just watching this was like, at the beginning, it was kind of disgusting. For you. Then you slowly but surely adapt. Then you are into weird things. You start watching like really weird videos. Sometimes you have like 2 to 3 tabs open. You need like the best video at the same time. And I think a big problem, I want to hear your thoughts on this, because what I experienced is that everybody was talking about it. It was so normalized. People were coming to tell me, yo, I watched this video the other day. It was like to milfs. I'm sorry, I don't want to get too into details, but they were really describing the videos, everything. And now that I look back at it, it's really weird talking about it. It's like if everyone was talking about, yo, I was taking cocaine the other day, I took so much I almost died, it was crazy. Like, what are your thoughts on porn being so normalized nowadays?

It's sad because if we just look like 100 years ago, and I think one of the best ways to determine if something is good is just look, okay, does that thing exist for a long time? Because if you see most modern-day movements, they're just new. And what happens is, yeah, they get pushed at something that looks good, but actually progression is not that good in terms of these things. But when it comes to like porn being normalized, the thing is, the problem is not like, okay, the people watching, is the fact that everyone, you know, because in influence, we understand in the book Influence by Robert Cialdini, He explains that when everyone is doing something, we say, okay, everyone is doing that thing. What happens is naturally your brain wants to fit in. And what it means by that is if everyone is doing something in that, in nature, then that means that must be the right thing because like everyone's gonna survive, right? So if everyone is doing it, then that must be the right thing. But in this society, it's the exact opposite. When everyone is doing something, it's not really the right thing because if you look, everyone, Not everyone, but most people are unhealthy. Most people, they don't do anything with their lives. Most people just live a very comfortable and meaningless life. So being normalized, the only thing I feel is like for future kids, you know, that's why they will never, for me, they will never go to like a public school or something because imagine your kid goes there and one of his friends just picks up his phone and shows, oh, look, look, this porn star. Man, you just fucked up a kid's life by accident.

Wow. And I would like to add on the fact that, you know, how hard it is to quit pornography. And what especially makes it really hard to quit pornography?

That's a very good question. And you guys got to listen up because when it comes to quitting pornography, the act of actually quitting pornography is not that hard. The withdrawals are so low that it's not that hard. So what happens is, Most people, simply by holding the belief that it's hard to quit, it makes it hard to quit. And I'm not saying, oh yeah, if you think it's easy, it's going to be easy. But if you actually educate yourself and realize the root cause of all addictions, man, you're going to be able to quit like this, right? Especially for porn, because okay, what's the withdrawals for porn? You're just going to have urges, that's it. Like you're not cooking, maybe you'll feel down, you'll feel depressed, you'll feel moody, but with porn you feel better. Literally just have urges that you gotta, um, see that these are actually very easy to overcome. So it's not that hard actually. The most— I said one of the biggest problems is the belief, but second, how it's everywhere. Because when it's everywhere, we think that, okay, this is important actually, because if it's everywhere, then it must be a good thing. So what happens is they just overall, um, influence our subconscious to think that, okay, this is actually something that must be a part of your daily life. So we go to porn because it gives a dopamine hit.

Talking about, you know, the whole urges thing, in one of your tweets, you were talking about a small, like, a guy inside of you. Well, a guy inside of you who, like, who represents the urges, who is, like, craving. What would be the best way to crave, to fight against, like, this guy, this evil guy?

Yeah, yeah. So what I do with every student, I give them this powerful analogy which I learned in a book called Easy Peasy. And basically, it explains that when you start having this porn addiction, right, in the first place, you start watching porn. So, you know, you kind of create, we can say, a little monster inside of you. And that little monster actually feeds on the fact that you're watching porn. And you can't take that away anymore than addictions, right? But the thing that happens is, When you stop completely watching porn, that monster is gonna die. So when there's urges, instead of looking at urges, oh fuck, man, I'm gonna relapse, oh man, it's gonna be hard. Look at them as that little monster is trying to survive. So he's gonna scream, he's gonna try to trick you with urges so you can relapse. But in reality, if you don't feed him, he's gonna die if you're doing the right things, right? If you have softcore porn right away, then you're gonna relapse. But that little monster will want to try to trick you by saying things like, 'Oh yeah, just go watch an Instagram model.' Or, 'Yeah, just take a peek and then you'll be good,' right? And if you can understand that, then you understand that urges are a good thing. They're a sign that actually you're making a lot of progress and that the addiction is soon gonna die. And then you're gonna be left with no cravings for porn or masturbation if you're doing the right things.

And do you think that this monster could be used in a positive way for you to motivate your life to do good things?

Of course, man, of course. So basically, when it comes to the sexual urges, there's two different types of sexual urges that most people don't understand. There's the urges for porn, which are basically urges for poison. And there's urges to reproduce with a real woman, which is the most powerful of energies. I've been so productive because I don't masturbate or watch porn, right? It's just basically, we call this creative sexual energy. Where we can use that and it's not like we're going to relapse. It's just like we constantly use that if you don't relapse. So basically, if you, let's say, don't masturbate, you don't watch porn, what's going to happen is like you're not going to get a release. But as humans, we shouldn't get a release through having sex with our own hand, right? So what happens is you go back to the natural masculine state of you constantly being driven and hungry and have aggression, even violence, to achieve things that are going to make you able to reproduce in the long run, if that makes sense.

Yeah, it really makes sense. And I would like to tackle a bit about how porn affects testosterone, you know, because I once saw something says that when you have like the effects of testosterone, when, when we're talking about the sex urge for us humans, is either to go have sex or to go, which is a good thing, or to go do things that are going to make you able to have sex. I was just wondering what were your thoughts on, you know, on porn, you know, destroying testosterone? Because as I just said, I said that testosterone can be used really like well to motivate you into getting sex, into like better yourself so you can then have sex. And I was wondering how much does porn really affect this? How much does porn completely destroy this drive?

Yeah, so we gotta look at things in the long term, right? So if you wanna see if something is good for us, if it feels good in the short term, then it's bad, but if it feels good in the long term, it's good, right? So when it comes to killing the drive, porn killing the drive, the thing is it's not like, okay, yeah, I watched porn today, it's gonna affect me for the rest of my life, right? It's like, okay, I watch porn today, but I'm going to be more addicted because I watched it once. So I'm going to be even more addicted, which is going to compound and make the addiction even harder to quit as long as you watch it more frequently. But when it comes to drive, the thing is, the more you watch it, imagine I have 5 times a day, right? What is there to achieve? Like, it's achievable. Like, man, what else is going to— am I going to achieve? Like, what's the point of achieving something if I already reproduce? That's, that's the biggest problem. It's like, if you think you reproduce and you actually are on top of the world and you're strong, you're getting all these women, whatever, then why even try for life?

Because I saw that when you ejaculate, you release a kind of— I don't know what it was, I think it's— yeah, I think it is. It— this basically pushes you, it, it gives you like a sensation that you've done your goal in life. You know, our goal, you know, as living creatures is to reproduce. And I think this gives us the sensation that we've accomplished it, then we can relax. So this is why most people, when they're done ejaculating, they go like sit down or they even go smoke a cigarette. They do something that is super like lazy. And what do you think we should do like to fight against this?

I think We just gotta be able to see what is life without porn because that's what motivates most of us to even try to quit porn in the first place. When we realize that with full awareness that, you know, quitting porn and just all these vices and more addictions, it just makes all of our life better. But nowadays it's not about benefits in life, right? Life is not about benefits. Life is about like, okay, am I getting to the natural state of what I should be doing? Because most of the times, the nature's, like, natural side of things, right, is almost perfect, right?

Yeah, let's say, let's say, let's say I relapse accidentally, okay? And I don't want to relapse, okay? I'm on NoFap and I relapse. What is the first step I should do to counter all the bad effects I'm going to get?

Yeah, that's, this is a very good question. Most people, you shouldn't do like most people. They just, okay, they relapse and they're like, fuck, man, I'm a loser. What have I done? And they're like, man, and then for the next 2 to 4 days, nothing changed. But the thing that most people don't understand is because of the shame and guilt you felt, you're going to try to release that tension and stress you created because of that shame and guilt through relapsing.

Ooh, okay, that's good. That's really good.

So yeah, that's actually true, right? You don't watch porn when you feel bad, when you feel good, right? You only watch porn when you feel bad. So when you have shame and guilt, you feel bad. Okay, at first you're like, oh yeah, fuck that shit, man. I'm not doing it for the rest of my life. But then 3 or 4 days later, you're still feeling like shit, not just because of the relapse, but overall in life because of the shame and guilt you want. You haven't been able to even achieve things. So you're like, you know what, let me relapse again. So it's a cycle of like, okay, I feel like shit, I'm going to relapse. So I'm going to feel like shit again. So I'm going to relapse again, right? Thinking that it's going to solve the problem whilst it's going to actually amplify it, right? But overall, it's just porn gives you no benefits. It doesn't even educate you on sex like we talked about, and it doesn't even overall give you something that is actually going to move the needle forward in any aspects of life. Literally, I'm talking about every aspect of life except you want to become a porn star. But even then, that's a romp, Samir Gardner.

You said that a shame trip or like shame-guilting yourself is really bad. What would be a good thing to do right after a relapse?

So basically what I do overall, that I tell people when they relapse, because they send me DMs on Instagram, they're like, man, I relapsed, fuck, man, I'm so mad. I send them a video which I go over basically talking about when you relapse, you need to counter the shame and guilt, right? Because you don't want to feel bad. Because when you feel bad, you have shame and guilt, that makes the chance of relapsing even higher. What you need instead is rational confidence. And you get that through making a plan to never relapse again. So if I'm there and I relapse and then I just go and write, okay, I relapse because of this, I can improve my situation and not relapse again if I do this, then that's going to give you rational confidence because you're like, okay, now I have a solution to my problems. But also overall, it will kill, you know, confidence will kill shame and guilt because confidence is higher than shame and guilt. So what's going to happen is you're going to have less chance of relapsing. Because rationally you have a plan that is going to go against relapsing, but also you're going to feel more confident, which means you won't feel like shit, which means you won't have as much chance to relapse.

Also, something I find very interesting is what do you think about people who say that pornography can help with sexual education? Because I think there are some videos out there that actually explain some things. And what are your thoughts on that?

Yeah, I mean, The analogy I'd like to give is like, you know, would you like go to McDonald's to learn how to cook? You know, like, that's it, right? You wouldn't go to McDonald's to learn how to cook. So why would you watch porn? Yeah, why would you watch porn to learn how to have sex? And what's the purpose behind this? So we understand, okay, what's happening in society is people obsess over sex because of porn in the first place. So what happens is they're like, oh my God, man, I got nothing going on in my life, but I gotta learn how to have sex. And that just shows that they obsess over the wrong things and they're just weak and submissive.

And you know, you talked about that, like society being like sexualized as a whole. Do you think pornography is like the root of all these problems?

In a sense, yes, because, you know, sex sells. Everyone like knows it. Like if you go out there and in this year in the streets and especially in modern cities, right, you'll see sex everywhere, right? Women in bikinis, all those things that go against morals, values, religion, right? So yes, the world is oversexualized because of porn, because it creates false sense of fetishes and all that weird stuff, right? But also, it's just like it hijacks our natural human drive to reproduce, right? Which is one of the strongest human desires. And for intimacy also. So what happens is when you can give it away for free, it's like you don't work. It's like if I play GTA, and I get all the money in the beginning, I'm not going to pledge to you anymore. So I want to hear you guys on that. Like, why is the stats showing that we're overall feeling better and having better access to education and medicine, but men are still feeling worse and worse?

Let me, let me answer this because I think a great parallel of what you, the question you just asked is we could like talk about how Rome was, uh, you know, 1000 years ago, you could say that the empire was doing great. It was as strong as it, as it has ever been. And I think these are the most dangerous times in life. The most dangerous times in life are when you are comfortable, because if you're comfortable, then nothing pushes you to accomplish anything. And since, since we have been comfortable for so much time, since everything is doing really great now, we don't have war, we don't have anything. Men don't have pressure like they used to. The only thing that people do is go to the club, sometimes get into a fistfight there. That's like the most problems a modern-day guy is going to have. So I really feel like this is the problem.

Yeah, I think it goes back to Maslow's Pyramid of Needs, right? We have everything. We literally have everything. And that's why us ambitious men that, you know, we either do business or we try to achieve bigger things, we have a vision and goals, right? What it does to have a bigger vision and goals, it kind of counteracts the fact that we have too much comfort, right? Because we know that when we feel comfortable and we don't do anything, yeah, we feel good in the moment, but then we feel bad, right? But not only that, okay, the thing is, in our daily lives, we have been hardwired to actually do things that are hard. But us in a society that is too much comfortable, we think that, you know, doing even something that is close, not even close to death, but just overall dangerous is something very, very bad for us. And literally one of our values became that we want comfort. We've been brainwashed to just crave comfort. And what that does is we have no adversity. We have no— like, we literally watch movies to get adversity, that feeling, right? So we don't overall feel like we deserve even to live, in a sense.

You just talk about movies being like a way to experience adversity, to experience things. To wrap everything up, do you think that we should as a society bring importance to pornography to like to destroy it?

Listen here, okay? If we look at most modern-day entertainments, what do they do? They kind of solve— not solve, but they give you that feeling that you're actually doing the thing. But the thing is, that thing that you're trying to feel is something that usually in your daily life you will actually try to chase. For example, right, if I'm fighting in MMA, right, people rather watch MMA than actually fight you know, for real, do sparring because it gives them that sense. I don't know, man, when you were watching porn, you're like, oh man, I feel like I'm having sex. When you were watching UFC, for example, you feel like you're stressed out, you're like, oh, is this guy going to win? Because it gives you that feeling, you know? And I feel like in life, if you get too much of that, if you get too much of a substitute, you're not really going to be able to even live a good life in a sense.

Well, guys, Thank you guys for watching this podcast. You're gonna find all of our Instagrams in the link down below. Thank you for watching. Thank you, Samir, for being here.

Thanks too, man. And if you guys like this podcast, you can DM me to learn how to quit porn forever within 14 days without willpower, without discipline, without porn blockers or any of these BS NoFap techniques. You can DM me on Instagram and I'll see if you're a great fit.