Why LUST is the HARDEST Challenge for Men

Lust has been ruining so many people's lives over the past few years. We nowadays struggle with OnlyFans, escorts, adult content, and the worst part of all of this is you don't even know why you lust so much. After coaching countless men to not only overcome porn, masturbation, casual sex, but also to overcome lust as a whole, there are 4 things that you need to be aware of so that you can finally move on from lust. The other day I was coaching one of my students that joined the mentorship about a month ago, and this guy was truly a man of faith. I could see that he genuinely cared about God and walking with God, but unconsciously he had certain beliefs, he had certain perceptions, he had certain paradigms in regards to lust made him put lust on a pedestal. And of course, as a byproduct, his actions reflected that. And the first thing that you need to understand is that, is that lust is not biologically inevitable. It is learned. What do I mean by that? Of course, as human beings, we have an innate desire to be with the opposite sex. At puberty, we just feel it. But your preference for porn, your preference for masturbation, you fantasizing, you having certain fetishes, are things that you simply learned to like. These were not things that were natural to you to begin with. For example, there was a popular research made on a tribe in Central Africa called the Aka and Ngandu where they literally didn't know that masturbation and homosexuality was a thing. They literally didn't know that those two things existed. So if something is learned, If you learn to like something, then that means that you can unlearn your preference and let go of it because it is not biologically within you. So here is a practical tip that I can give you right now. First, get clear on what exactly do you genuinely want in life. What is your dream life? What is your vision for life? For example, if my vision for my life is I want to have multiple children, build a family, have a successful business, be able to leave a legacy behind, and have a healthy marriage with a God-fearing woman, then I can ask myself based on that vision, how do I want to use that innate desire for women so that it can help me with that vision? For example, as human beings, as I explained in previous videos, you have the ability to interpret, suppress, and redirect your innate desire however you want. So one guy, for example, if he feels like he wants to be with women and partake in intercourse, he might go to the nightclub, right? Because his vision and his beliefs is that the nightclub will be valuable to him for whatever reason. Now another guy, let's say for example, a guy that is religious, then maybe he's going to go to his place of worship more often and talk to the people there so that he can potentially get a wife. And that's the thing. As human beings, we are not animals. We don't live on instincts. We have the ability to interpret, to redirect, and choose where do I want to use that, okay? So for example, if your goal is to have a beautiful, God-fearing woman and have multiple kids with her, then ask yourself, what could I do with that innate desire so that I can get closer to that goal and achieve all of the other goals that I have in my life? So maybe you'll learn more about your religion. Maybe you'll work a new job so that you can provide for her and that she can be a stay-at-home wife. Maybe you'll decide to go to the gym so that you can build a good physique. So then women are going to be attracted to you. You see, it's really that simple. And at the end of the day, you have the ability to control your thoughts and decide what has value in your life. But in order to do that, The easiest way to make it easier for you to do so is to ask yourself, what is your dream life? Where do you want to go in life? What do you want to pursue? What is your vision for life? Don't neglect that step. The second thing that you need to understand is lust operates through mental conditioning and belief systems. We obviously live in an over-sexualized culture. And when I say over-sexualized, I don't mean that both men and women are constantly sexualizing themselves, but rather what I mean is we have been putting too much value on sex. Think about it. If no one was to buy OnlyFans, then there wouldn't be any girl doing OnlyFans. And let me be controversial, if men didn't value or didn't constantly look at women wearing revealing clothing, then they probably wouldn't wear revealing clothing to the same extent, at least. Now, as you can see, I'm putting the blame on men. And the reason is, you got to really look at how you've been conditioned throughout your childhood, throughout your teenage years, throughout your young adult years to value lust and make it one of your top priorities in life. Now, of course, reproduction, intimacy, intercourse within marriage has importance. Of course. But the problem that we have within our culture and our society is that we base our self-worth based on our sexual activity. The perfect example of that is in school, for example, at least in most schools, the guy that can sleep with the most amount of women is often looked at as the cool guy. And the guy that doesn't really engage and the guy that doesn't really partake in in that lifestyle is often seen as the loser virgin that is afraid to talk to women. Now, of course, there is some truth to that. If you can't talk to a human being for, not even for sexual reasons, then maybe you lack confidence. But we have been basically told that in order to be a man, in order to feel like we're masculine, in order to act as testosterone, in order to have confidence, in order to be worthy, in order to be valuable in the eyes of both men and women, that we need to be either partaking in intercourse or being able to partake in intercourse frequently. And so we don't even just want to have intimacy for pleasure or for sexual relief or for love. But nowadays we want intimacy so that we can finally feel worthy and be accepted by everyone else and be cool like everyone else and feel masculine. For example, a lot of people, as an insult to someone else, they might say, this girl, this guy can't even get some P-word, which shows that we have been putting a lot of value on sexual intercourse, even if we're religious, for a lot of people. So essentially, the reason why we lust or look at a woman's body so much, for example, in public, is that we started giving personal meaning to those body parts of a woman. And what do I mean by personal meaning? For example, a lot of people see the glutes of a woman and think, wow, this is like irresistible, this is so beautiful. And then they try to justify by saying, you know, if she has larger glutes, then that means that— then that means I'm gonna be attracted to her because she's probably more fertile. But the reality is, it's not that. Let me tell you something. What happens in the mind of a lot of men when they see the body of a beautiful woman is they think to themselves If I were to partake in intercourse with her, then I'll feel worthy, I'll feel special, I'll feel confident, I'll feel masculine, because look at how beautiful she is. Most men would want that. So if I can have that experience, then I'll finally feel like a man. I'll finally be able to fit in with my peers or fit in with these other cool people. You see, it's not just about the physical experience. It's about the mental experience. We have that innate desire, but on top of that innate desire, we add so much personal meaning to that. We think that it's going to make us feel worthy. We think we're going to be valuable in the eyes of other men and women. And when we feel insecure, when we feel lonely, when we feel sad, we believe that intercourse is going to be maybe the only way, or at least the best way for you to finally feel good about yourself. And just look at the consumption of media throughout your teenage years, for example, music being a huge one where you constantly for hours every single day, listen to people talk about how valuable and cool they are because they just indulge in lust. And then you have movies like James Bond where you have this character that everyone wants to be like. And he sleeps with those beautiful young women. And then nowadays you have influencers who brag about those things. And so you feel left out, you feel like a loser if you want to be like them. But then on the flip side, you know, like those athletes that you look up to, to a certain extent, and they are masculine, they are confident, they have an insane physique, you want to be like them, and they don't even really value lust. They'd rather put more emphasis on God. They never even talk about women, for example, in a lustful manner. When you see them, this is a perfect example that in order to be a man, in order to feel worthy, in order to feel confident, in order to feel masculine, you don't need lust. You don't need to sleep around. And when you look at them, you realize, well, I can be that guy that doesn't sleep around, that maybe is still a virgin, that waits until marriage, and still be that masculine confident guy that feels worthy, that is a leader, that can do all of those things. And you can now even do more since you don't put lust as something important in your life. So you want to ask yourself, instead of lust, what can I put my self-worth on? And maybe it's going to be God. Maybe it's going to be your projects. Maybe it's going to be your fitness, your— the martial arts. Whatever. How can you be masculine without lust? And once you have clarity around that, you'll see how effortless it is to just drastically reduce that desire for lust. Now, the third tip: change. Create cognitive dissonance within your self-image. What do I mean by that? A lot of people, they want to change. They truly want to not just quit porn and masturbation, but they want to do things like maybe building a business, maybe getting married. But when I start coaching them, I realized that they have a self-image that will hold them back from even taking the action required in order to get there. So a lot of people, since they watch porn, for example, maybe some genres of porn that are considered to be very taboo, that if their future partner finds out, they're going to maybe reject them. And so they feel insecure about themselves. They, they have no confidence within themselves. They think that everyone but them is worthy of, for example, getting married. So essentially what you want to do, and you can add that in your vision exercise, is to write down exactly how you perceive yourself, but in a new and positive way. Let me explain. Right now, you probably— and that's for most people— perceive yourself as someone that women find ugly, for example, that you'll never be worthy of being married, that you'll never be successful within your career or business. So alongside kind of like writing down in your vision your dream life, I want you to write down a new self-image for yourself. Maybe that's, I am confident and I have so many things going on in my life that a lot of women are attracted to me for marriage. I know it sounds cringe, but it can be whatever. It can be, I am such a hard worker that I get so much work done and achieve so many things as a byproduct. Because now you'll have clarity around who you can be. And when you have clarity on who you can be, you can naturally move on towards that if you are reminded of that enough. The reality is, when I coach people, for example, I see that those that feel like they're weak and they want to just be this nice guy that, that doesn't deserve anything and just hopes that God will just give them a godly woman— I see those types of guys. And then I see the type of guy that are like, yeah, I'm gonna work as hard as possible on that, I'm gonna achieve that, you know, that they have that confidence within that they just need to put in the work and that God will provide, and that they're actually worthy of not just for example, being married, but they're worthy of way more. You can almost describe that as ego, but it's more so like confidence and conviction within themselves. These types of guys end up achieving in 1 year what the other types of guys achieve in 10 years. I am not kidding when I say that, right? That's why when I coach people, I often see this happening where someone in their 30s and someone in their 20s, you often see the guy that is in his early 20s doing more in terms of actions and obviously as a byproduct achieving more than the guy in his 30s. Right now, of course, there are other factors in place that affect such results, but you can still see that their actions are different. So build that new self-image, as cliché as it sounds. Now, the fourth tip is to simply look at potential past events that might have occurred that created a desire, at least subconsciously or unconsciously, to lust more often. What do I mean by that? For example, I had a client that I coached that had a terrible experience experienced as a kid. He was young at that time, and there was a guy that found a condom on the floor, and he picked the condom and he threw it at my client. And my client was around like a group of people where there were like a few girls, and then when he got hit with the condom, the other people reacted obviously laughing at him. And since he never really got over that back then, he had this desire for revenge for such event, even though now he was in his mid-20s. Because it was not resolved, then it was just in the back of his mind. So he would kind of like lust in order to visualize himself partaking in intercourse and having intimacy so that he can show to the other guy that threw the condom at him many years ago that, look, the women are attracted to him now, and that he basically took revenge and won. Or for example, another client of mine was a pretty successful entrepreneur who is young, but when he was in school, he was getting bullied. right? And if you've been bullied before, since I've been bullied before, I know how it feels. Oftentimes as a byproduct, you also end up attracting no woman because you have no confidence. Other guys will try to probably laugh at you and insult you and humiliate you in front of other women, even if you were to try to attract them. And so essentially, he would have that desire to be with women and have intimacy with them so that he can show off to those guys that bully them. This is a very common subconscious desire to lust. So look at that. But if there is nothing that you can really find, then no worries. Maybe you don't lust for those reasons, and I don't want you to obsessively look over your past and try to ruminate. Okay? But the bottom line is, guys, lust is not just something which takes over you. You do have an innate desire to be with women. But the thing is, you can choose however you want to interpret that, however you want to redirect that. You can even choose to suppress that. But once you locate the emotional value that it might hold for you, you'll naturally just move on from that since you'll kind of like remove the reasons as to which you've been lusting. So you'll be left with basically no reasons to lust. If you want to learn how to quit porn and masturbation, I actually dropped a full 2-hour plus course with bonuses videos on my channel that you can watch for free to learn how to quit within the next few weeks. Anyways, I'll see you guys next video. Peace.