Why Relapsing on NoFap is Good

Did you know that relapsing is actually like a good thing? I've been helping people quit for a long time now, and the concept of relapsing is a concept that you can actually use to your advantage. Most people don't know what actually relapsing means. They just think that it means that they're going to be stuck and that they're going to keep doing it over and over again. Because the problem is we have been educated with the wrong information, with detrimental information. And if you learn the truth, the truth will set you free. Okay, so let's first look at what is the definition of a relapse. A relapse is of someone suffering from a disease suffers deterioration after a period of improvement. For example, 2 of the patients in remission relapsed after 48 months. So here, what are we talking about? A disease, right? And a lot of people say, well, I relapsed on NoFap. Well, do you realize that watching porn is not a disease? Masturbation is not a disease. It is simply an habit that you choose to do over and over again. So the biggest lie you've been fed, and this is very important that you understand this because most people believe in this lie and most people are struggling with because of that is that there's a thing called relapse when it comes to porn and masturbation. There is no such thing such as a relapse. It is just a choice you make to go and do it. Most people don't like taking responsibility under every single community of porn recovery, of trying to quit porn, of NoFap. You always see the same thing. I really am trying to quit, But I'm so addicted. But I have this fantasy. But I've been doing it for so long. People genuinely believe that they're not making a choice, that their choice is heavily influenced to the point where it's not even their choice. And that, my friend, is the biggest and most detrimental belief that you can have that is also false. If I were to ask you, look, okay, let's say that you're watching porn every single day, you're masturbating multiple times a day, and it's been years, it's been like over 10, 20 years that it's been going like that. And what if I told you, look, I'm going to give you, okay, $100 million that you can spend whatever you want. You can do whatever you want with that. Right now you're like, wait, what? So I'm going to get $100 million? You're going to be happy, right? And I tell you, look, but if you choose to watch porn just one more time for the rest of your life, or that you masturbate for the rest of your life, or that you masturbate just once for the rest of your life, I'm going to take away that $100 million away from you and you're not going to get it. Do you genuinely believe that you're just going to, as they say, relapse back because you're too addicted or because the temptations and urges are getting too strong? Obviously not. You're going to find a way to either adapt, or you're just gonna be like, what? You know what, $100 million is like 100 times better than jerking off, so I don't even want to jerk. You're like genuinely psychologically not— you might not even feel like doing it ever again. So what's the solution? It is simply a choice you make, which is influenced on what you want in that moment. Meaning you don't really watch porn most of the time when you feel happy, but you often watch it when you feel, for example, lonely, or you feel some form of emotional pain, or you feel frustrated that you're not in a relationship and that you really want to get into one, but you believe that you can't right now. This is all belief-based. There cannot be any withdrawals because real withdrawals are simply like the side effects that you get when you ingest a drug or a substance into your body, and you're not ingesting anything here. The only thing is, the reason why you keep making that choice is because you either believe that you can't stop making that choice, which is very false and detrimental, but also sometimes it's just you want to make that choice because you think that porn is literally the greatest thing on Earth. Then you just believe that porn will literally make you feel way better when you feel down. And that's how a lot of people think. So is it a relapse? No, it's just you want to. Because imagine that I say, you know what, I'm going to delete Instagram. I'm not going to go back on it for a few months or even just delete it for the rest of my life because I don't care, right? I can make that commitment. And then 6 months down the line, I haven't been on Instagram. Then I'm like, but I want to start a business and I need Instagram for business. And so I go and download Instagram. Does it mean that I relapsed? Obviously not. It is just I made the choice based on what I wanted. And so you gotta look at like what you want in that moment when you decide to watch porn and then see if there is a better option for you, okay? Because for example, some people want some form of connection when they're alone, right? And so they think that porn is the best option for them. But the reality, porn is simply a distraction. It cannot satisfy that connection part. It never did for you, right? So what happens is you really want the connection and you start feeling negative about it. But when you distract yourself, obviously you're not thinking about how you feel negative and how you're, you're alone and that you need connection. So you don't think about those things, you don't feel those negative emotions, and instead you're focused on something else. And so that means that porn is not special. It is simply a distraction just like anything else. Please stop using the word relapse. You literally making a choice to watch this, you're simply creating a fallacy around your usage of PMO. Imagine that I went out there and I told you, look, you've been playing video games for so many years ever since you were young, right? And because of that, you're addicted, you're gonna have withdrawals, you're gonna relapse. And if you relapse, well, you're gonna get— well, you're probably gonna binge and relapse again and again. And I'm using this terminology that is used for diseases, not even addictions. And I tell you that you basically have a disease, right? And you're a brain. Now you're going to be like, damn, so even if I want to quit, I won't be able to. So what happens is simple. Instead of like actually naturally like moving on from video games because you find something better to do, because you realize that, you know, it's kind of useless, you watch a few videos that talks about like how there's better things to do in life and that video games is just, it's like a fallacy. You could literally play video games in real life, right? And you start attaching more value to not playing video games than you do to video games. And the value of video games starts decreasing in your mind, which is the natural process we do with any behaviors. I stopped eating junk food because I was reading books about eating healthy and I was watching videos and I started consuming information that made sense to me that like, eating healthy is actually like way better for me. And it wasn't an emotional process. I didn't get told that I was addicted to junk food. I didn't get told that I would get withdrawals and cravings and that I would relapse if I eat once again. And that means I'm gonna be more addicted and that I'm gonna be prone to failing. I didn't believe all of those things. I just believed that, you know, I was eating junk food because I liked it better for some reasons. But then when I found out reasons to eat healthy, I was like, you know, why not? You know, you might have reasons to quit PMO, but most of them are just based around shame, fear, guilt, consequences, cost, and not actually if you enjoy it. Because most people don't enjoy not PMOing when they feel bad, right? When they feel lonely, they don't enjoy that. They don't enjoy the feeling of being uncomfortable. But the truth is, you can enjoy that. Just like a guy goes from eating McDonald's every single day to eating salads every day. You can enjoy that for sure. It is all within your mind. So going back to the video games example, well, just imagine that. I was actually reading a book about 2 years ago and they literally had a rehab for people that play too much video games. At first I was like, you know, this is rational. But then I realized one thing. One of the sayings that they were telling these people was, once your cucumber brain becomes a pickle, it cannot go back to being a cucumber again, which literally goes against neuroplasticity. Basically what they were saying is if you've been playing video games your whole life and you decided to stop, but then if you choose to go back once, you're just going to go and start binging on it again because your brain is basically messed up. How detrimental and false that is. If you look at brain changes for methamphetamine users where they literally abstain for 14 months at the peak of the brain changes, their brain started going back to normal, to a very healthy version. And look, those brain changes, to give you more info, are not a disease. They're simply a product of neuroplasticity, because neuroplasticity is when you repeat a certain behavior or a certain thought often. Well, what happens is, in order for you to do the behavior— well, because you're basically telling your brain that You know, you, you're doing it often, so you need to get used to it so that you don't spend too much mental energy on thinking about how to do it again. It just creates shortcuts so that whenever you want to repeat the behavior again, you're going to be better. You're going to do it without thinking as much, and you're just going to do it way faster. Just like a guy that plays the piano for the first time. Well, at first it's going to be hard. It's going to be like, okay, this note is there, this note is there. Okay, so I need to click on this and this and that. But then as he plays more and more and more, now he's like not even looking anymore. He's just like, okay, I need to press this key. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Right? It's very fast. So those brain changes are not something to worry about because they don't compel you to do the behavior again. They're only there to facilitate the process if you choose to do the behavior again. And on top of that, your brain actually goes back to normal when you stop because this is just neuroplasticity. Your brain will adapt to anything. And then if you stop using such behavior, well, your brain will start removing those brain changes because it is not used anymore. And the story in, in that book about the video games, the guy was a college student and he played video games, I think a game called League of Legends. He was playing it like multiple hours a day, especially during summer break, whatever, and his grades like started going down, which is literally the same thing that happens to right? I started like having bad grades. I was not studying as much when I got my first Xbox. And then he went and abstained from video games. He was like basically being sober from video games, as if it was a disease, right? And he had like cravings for video games and all of that. And then he decided to just play once after, because he went to rehab and abstained. And then basically at rehab, like, they had them do like different activities. Like, so when he was back at his home and he was isolated because he was going to college and everything. He didn't play video games for a few months, or even I think maybe up to a year. Then one day he said that he got bored and decided to just take a peek at video games and just play for like 1 hour. And apparently he played for like 12 hours straight without taking a break. And I'm thinking like, well, I used to play 16 hours a day, and I know many other people that used to play video games Basically, like, all of my friends and all the people I know used to play video games so many hours every single day, yet we didn't go to rehab, yet we didn't think that we were addicted, yet we didn't think that we would relapse again, that our brain was messed up. No, we just thought that it was like the most fun thing that we could do. But then when we realized that it wasn't anymore and that there was better things in life, we just started leaving it and we just left it and The desire to come back to it is not really there because I just realized that there is better things. I mean, I would rather go to the gym, to be honest. It's not even discipline, I just literally love the gym more. I literally love working on projects more. I literally love socializing and being with my friends more. I literally like running more because of my perception of those things. But for that guy, it wasn't a question of like, is there more, is there better things I can do? Yeah, I'm playing video games maybe a bit too much, but Maybe there's things that are more fun out there. He didn't really try those things or think of those things because in his mind it was just like in fear state of, oh my God, if I watch it once, I'm gonna relapse. And you know, if I play once, I'm gonna relapse and I'm gonna start binging. So guess what? He expected that and that's what he got. He started binging and then went to rehab again, pay a lot of money for that. And guess what? It is a business. Quitting porn, the porn recovery sex is a business. I talk about it in my book in depth. It is a business just like anything else. They will tell you sometimes false things, or they will exaggerate things so that you believe that you have no control over this and that you're going to relapse, that now it becomes a battle of fighting against a disease called addiction. It is purely false and nothing can prove it. So start kind of like detaching yourself from like all of this movement and instead go and live your life. Get outside of your house, just like looking at Oh, how to quit porn, how to improve myself, how to deal with urges, whatever. You don't need those things. It's literally the reason why you are stuck with this. And you'll realize that, to be honest, leaving porn, it is just a natural process that happens if you want to. And there's nothing hard about it. But if you believe that you cannot change it, then obviously you're not even gonna try, right? So obviously you're not gonna change anything. So guys, if you want to learn more in depth, with a full 2-hour course on how to really decrease that value when it comes to porn and detach from like all of these NoFap myths, then there is a full 2-hour course that I have in my free private community. And also, if you wanna be coached by me one-on-one so that you can quit this as soon as possible, then you can book a call with me down below. Anyway, Samir Gardner, I'm out, peace.