Why You Shouldn't Resist Watching P*rn
Samir Gardner argues that resisting porn actually sustains the behavior. Instead, he says acknowledge the desire and examine what's driving it: loneliness, stress relief, or the dopamine hit. Sexual tension is psychological, not biological addiction, and can be redirected through problem-solving like any other habit.
Chapters
A lot of people come up to me and ask me, Samir Gardner, how do I stop watching porn? All I'm doing is I'm resisting, or I'm just trying to keep myself as busy as possible so I don't fall back into it. But after helping countless of men to quit porn, masturbation, and control their lust forever, what I can tell you is that literally, if you resist watching porn, it is literally the reason why you're still watching porn. Now let me tell you why this is the case. If you want something, okay, because let's be honest, you really want to watch porn. A lot of people like to blame addiction or biology, but if you actually do your research, you'll realize that this is not the reason why you're watching porn. Because think about it, I mean, the moments when you feel happy, when you feel like fulfilled, when, you know, that girl told you that you were attractive, whatever, and you feel just happy, you just don't even want to watch porn. It's like, why should I watch porn, right? And it's like, even if it's shown to you, you wouldn't even care, right? But then the moment that you feel down, you feel like you gotta resist. So let's put the shame aside. Let's put, you know, the, the fact that, you know, you actually like watching porn, okay? And this is not necessarily a bad thing because if you admit it, you're actually going to be able to quit way faster than anyone else. But if you like watching porn, okay, and you just deny yourself, you're just like, no, I'm gonna resist it, I don't want to watch it, whatever, you gotta almost tell yourself, you know what, I really want to watch it and I love watching it because if you have that resistance, if you have that desire to watch it, which comes from you, not your biology or your brain, but from you, from your own mind, your own consciousness, because of certain reasons, well, the thing is you're not going to be aware of the real reasons why you even want to watch porn in the first place, that if you were aware of, you'd be easily able to quit. So what essentially happens is you put a wall, like kind of big cloud, you can say, around the reasons why you watch porn by simply telling yourself, you know what, I don't like porn, I'm gonna resist porn, I'm gonna keep myself busy. It's like you're just distracting yourself from the truth. If you face the truth, you're gonna be able to embrace the truth. And if you embrace the truth, well, guess what? The truth will always set you free. So let me explain how that works. If you look at the exact reasons why you like to watch porn, And let me name some of them. It might be loneliness relief, right? You feel extremely lonely, you spend all of your day at home, and it's like, you know, you feel like it's just a way to get some form of intimacy when you don't have it, for example. Or it's because, you know, you want that sexual relief, right? And you've seen all of these videos on porn sites and you think, wow, I mean, if I have sex, this is gonna be like euphoria. So you're trying to replicate that because you might not be married, right? You might not be in a relationship. Or it's maybe just, oh, you feel stress relief and you really wanna take your mind off and you have this belief that porn gives so much dopamine, so it's gonna be the best way for you to relax, right? So you have like these beliefs that are kind of the reasons why you want to watch porn in the first place. So if you just resist it, then you're not gonna be aware of these reasons. Now that you know the reason, the beauty about this is that the human mind, the way we're made, right, with our own consciousness, which is literally metaphysical, we are able to literally problem solve anything that is obviously within human capabilities. For example, humans are able to build apartments, right? Like big buildings. They're able to literally create things that animals cannot do because animals don't have that same consciousness, okay? So now that you have those reasons to watch porn, well, first you gotta realize that if you actually face them, then you'll do 80% of the work because you'll be able to just problem solve. Like, okay, yeah, I mean, I can get sexual relief from porn, porn, let's say. But is that actually true? And is there a better option for me? I mean, look, I can just basically learn about— and this is something I'm gonna give you some info— well, sexual tension, for example, or sexual relief, is purely something psychological rather than physiological. So what I mean by that is your kind of desire to either watch porn or masturbate, or even at a certain extent to have sex with real women is literally in your mind, right? And then it is translated into your body. To give you the most simple example to prove that, well, let's say for example that you're feeling a lot of sexual tension, like you need to release, like you need to be with a woman, right, to partake in intercourse, or you need to release through masturbation, for example. Well, if you're like in that state and you're like, you know what, I'm just gonna do it, and then someone walks up or knocks on your door and you're like, "Hey man, let's just go and play basketball, man. It's been a long time since we talked." Well, all of that sexual tension now disappears, right? Because you're not focused on these sexual fantasies in your mind, right, of you wanting to have sex or you thinking about that porn video, for example. And instead you're focused on talking to that guy. So it's not like hunger, right? If I'm hungry and I really need to eat food, well, even someone walks up on me, even if someone literally talks to me, well, I'm still gonna be hungry, right? Physically, no matter what, it is a chemical reaction. But for this, it is not necessarily a chemical reaction, but more so a psychological reaction that you yourself choose to engage in. And that is very important to know because you'll literally realize that you have full control over that. So when you start what we call debunking all of these reasons, you realize, look, actually, maybe I don't even need— the same way you do with any other bad behaviors. You think of, for example, smoking cigarettes. A lot of people quit smoking cigarettes pretty easily, right? Or for example, video games, which apparently has a lot of dopamine because you're literally, you know, doing missions, you have literally a social life over there. Well, it just represents so many like real life things that we crave as human beings and that we have been partaking in for so many years, yet we can leave video games at any time if we find something better to do, right? And that's what is happening, okay? You need to realize that instead of putting that shame, because you didn't put that shame on video games, you didn't put that shame on, these other bad habits, you were just like, yeah, they're bad for me. And instead you just looked at, is there something better I can do? Oh yeah, I mean, if I go to the gym every day, that's going to be way better. Or if I eat healthy instead of junk food, well, I'm going to feel better every day and I'm going to be able to look more attractive. And I really want to look more attractive. And I'm actually going to find some recipes that taste very good that I can do in an healthy version. Then it's like, it's a no-brainer. Well, you can do the same exact thing with porn. You can do the same exact mental problem solving. So look, if you wanna learn more about this so that you can really quit porn and masturbation for good, I actually have a free private community you can join with over 10 videos that explains in depth how to do the subconscious alternation so that you can quit porn and masturbation and even lust. You can join the link down below in the description, and I'll see you there.
