Your Mind Thinks Quitting Porn Is Dangerous (Here's Why)

I'm going to talk about one of the unknown reasons as to why quitting porn feels so hard, when in reality it could be entirely effortless. But I'm saying this because this is one of the most common patterns I've noticed over the past few years of coaching hundreds of men to help them overcome porn, masturbation, and lust. There's this one thing that no one, and when I say no one, I literally never ever, and I'm not exaggerating, I never came across someone that knew about this concept related to the subconscious, and it's one of the main reasons as to why quitting porn feels so hard for a lot of people. We know rationally, okay, quitting porn, it is something that is only beneficial, and it makes sense, it's rational. Our life is just better when we don't watch it. We feel we are more productive, we are closer to the people around us, we get closer to God. There's all of these amazing things But why is it that despite experiencing all of these benefits, despite seeing that clear as day, this is the best thing that you can do, that watching porn offers little to zero benefits, and of course, objectively zero benefits. Why is it that we just keep on coming back to it? There's a reason related to your subconscious that we're going to talk about. But first I want to go over a quote that I heard maybe 5 or even 6 years ago, from Carl Jung that is extremely pertinent in regards to what we're going to talk about today. I'm going to read it as I have it in front of me here. Carl Jung says, "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." What does that mean? We have the subconscious, which most people argue is 90% of your mind, and you have the conscious, which can be described as the rational part of yourself. Yeah, you know that going to the gym will be good for you, but we never work on the subconscious. And the subconscious is almost like pulling those strings. I'm not saying it is controlling you and that you have no free will, but it has a huge influence, a huge one. So what happens is consciously, you know that quitting porn is the best thing. Yeah, even if it wasn't going to change your life, it offers so many benefits. And on the flip side, watching porn offers zero benefits. And that's the, the conscious, it's rational. But subconsciously, there's a different story that you're telling yourself. And let's go over that. First, let's understand that quitting porn, and I know a lot of people are going to disagree, but quitting porn is simple, easy, and effortless objectively. I'm not saying this to be passive-aggressive, trying to say just man up, it's easy, just don't do it, don't make that decision. But let's compare it to other behaviors. Video games, for example, which is very similar to porn to a certain extent, we don't say it's hard to quit video games. Some people might, but for the majority of people that did successfully leave video games behind, they don't say it's hard to quit video games. They might say, oh yeah, at first I was bored and I had nothing to do, but then I adapted. And leaving bad habits behind or trying to even be successful in your habits and your behaviors is actually simple for most of the behaviors. So for example, if I want to lose weight, I know logically that going to the gym and eating less calories is going to do most of the work. And I'm probably going to lose the weight if I am consistent for, let's say, 6 months. But why is it that people self-sabotage. They get consistent, they're motivated for 4 weeks, and then they binge on food, and then they're not consistent, and then they skip the gym for 1 week. And there's a specific reason for that. It's not because they don't see the value in doing that. They're literally just a few weeks away, sometimes just a few months away. They know that if they just continue with that workout, with that diet, they could have an insane transformation. An inspiring transformation. Their physique would completely change. Their whole life will change, but there's something that's pulling them back. And that is what we call negative associations. Let me explain what negative associations are using an analogy. Imagine there's an elevator and going up that elevator to a specific floor represents success. But in front of that elevator, you see a huge line of people waiting to get in the elevator. Are you going to be more like, oh, let me take my time. I'll just walk slowly. I'll just wait here. And then I'll go eventually when there's going to be less people. Who are these people? What are they representing? What is that line representing? Negative associations. Quitting porn. Yes. That thing that is extremely positive. That will get you all of these benefits that you think will change your life, that your life is going to do a complete 180. Maybe you'll be extremely successful in your business. Maybe you'll have so much confidence that you'll maybe get married in a few months because you'll start talking to everyone. Maybe you're going to be so productive and so hungry that you're going to build these projects. You're going to go to the gym consistently. Your whole physique is going to change. You see that there is that, that potential and that your whole life is going to change. But we have those negative associations with quitting porn. Let me give you examples because I, I've went through this process with so many people that I've coached. But for example, I had a student that we really did a deep dive into this. He told me in the end, look, Samir, I feel like that if I quit porn and my whole life starts changing and I become successful in my business, I might just end up spending money again. I don't know, but it might happen. I have that fear that it might happen again. And I get in such a low state where I essentially lose my money and I'm back at square one. So think about this rationing. In the back of his mind, he thinks, well, yeah, of course, if I make money, if I become successful, if I quit porn, "My life is gonna be amazing, but this one consequence that made me feel so bad when it happened, I really, really don't want it to happen again." He attaches quitting porn, becoming successful with that experience and that belief that it might happen again and that he might lose control over his own self if he becomes successful. And that's just one example. I have another example. I had a student, and this was really sad when I first coached him because He went through very, very bad things. He was essentially sexually abused as a child, and that led him to do behaviors which he was never able to forgive himself for. And I, I would see that he would be the type of guy that had the potential, for example, because again, a lot of people I coach, they love doing business, they love having projects, and he was always trying to be successful and quit porn and change his life overall. He would essentially talk with the woman and then it would just stop after a week or two. And it would be like in that cycle of going up and going down, going up, going down, and always getting back down to that same exact level. When I did that process with him, what we realized is because in the past that event of being sexually abused and the things that happened as a byproduct was so traumatizing to him, so bad, so negative, he was scared that if he was going to change his life around and, you know, when you become successful, people know more about you, you be— you become popular to a certain extent. Well, he thought, what if I just get exposed? And he didn't say that explicitly, but we can come to the conclusion that it's better for him to not be successful, to not gain any type of success, to not quit porn and change his life around, because if he does, well, to be exposed is like one of the worst things, at least in his mind. People bringing up your past, the terrible things you've done, would be much worse It wouldn't be worth it to become successful if that were to happen. So consciously, like, yeah, if I become successful, it would be better anyways. But unconsciously, subconsciously, it's a completely different story. Let me give you another example. One of my students was in his 30s, and I see this often where people, for example, in their 20s, they, they say that they didn't really take much action, that they regret wasting time watching porn, playing video games, eating junk food instead of self-improving. And what we realized is that there was a time in his life when he was in a relationship with a woman. And the problem that he had is that he could change his life. He could get that high-paying career very, very soon. He just had to apply to jobs, but he was barely applying to any jobs. He was just doing like a few. It's like success was right in front of him, but for some reason he couldn't really and get to that. And of course, uh, becoming successful and quitting porn are often really interlinked because people, when they come into NoFap and all of these things, they have this belief that, okay, well, quitting porn means that I'll be successful in and of itself, but also it's going to really help me become more successful. Other areas of life are going to be good because of me quitting porn. So success in, let's say, career and quitting porn, it's essentially like the same type of success. Therefore, the negative associations that they have for financial success, for example, is going to be the same for quitting porn for most people. Well, what happened is one time he was in a relationship and the woman he was with, they had an argument and then they parted ways a bit after that. But in that argument, the woman said, you don't even provide, you don't even have the money. And that really, really, that really made him feel bad. Obviously he didn't want to experience that again. What I noticed and what we noticed is would really try to make sure that this would never happen again. Of course, you might be listening to this thinking, well, rationally, even if that were to happen, it's not that bad. Like, okay, just a woman saying that you don't have money. But for him, and that's the thing, it's subconscious. For him personally, this is why I do personalized coaching. It's not like I just give people videos, I just do group coaching calls. I really put an emphasis on one-on-one coaching and really diving deeper into their situation and giving a tailored solution to their problems. But you see how he associates quitting porn/becoming successful with, oh, if I become successful and I have this money and my life is changing, but then suddenly for whatever reason I lose it, then this might happen again. It's like that fear is attached to success. So you see, people have beliefs that contradict what they want. It's unconscious, and that's the sad part. It's like they know that there's something behind the scenes, but they can't really tell. And they just try to push themselves to do the work, do the actions, so they get to success, so that they quit porn. But there's something that's behind the curtain. And sometimes these negative associations on the surface level are often things like, well, if I quit porn, I might have to constantly deal with sexual thoughts, with sexual desires and that might push me over the edge. I might do something that will be much worse than porn, like paying for a prostitute or sleeping around or engaging in premarital sex. Or I'll have so many of these sexual thoughts that I won't be able to focus. I will only think about lust. I will not have that clarity when I talk to the opposite gender. All I'll think about is intimacy. I won't be able to focus on my business or career because I'll just keep thinking about sex. Because last time I left porn for more than 30 days, all I thought about was sex. And that's what was on my mind 24/7. So you need to become aware of these negative associations. Because again, quitting porn can be entirely effortless. I'm not downplaying your struggles. I've been there before. But if you attach terrible things to a positive thing, then you'll not really want that positive thing as much. Therefore, you probably are going to avoid the decisions and the actions that will get you that positive thing in the first place. And this is what we see happen, not just when it comes to quitting porn, but across so many different areas of life where we know, okay, this is a good thing. Doing it will just benefit me. But in the back of our mind, there's something. This is why coaching is so important. You can do it alone for sure, but it's going to be a bit harder. It's gonna take maybe a bit more time. It's like learning boxing by yourself, by just throwing punches, just punching the bag. That's good. You're going to make progress. But compare that to boxing the same amount of time, but you have a coach telling you, no, your footwork, you need to change that about your footwork. No, your punches, you need to throw them like that. Okay, this is a new combination you can learn. Okay, this is the mistake you've been making. Now you're gonna make progress 10 times faster. You're gonna make much more progress., and you won't waste that time trying to figure it out alone. So if you wanna join the one-on-one coaching, then click the first link in the description. You can book a call directly with me. I'm gonna talk to you and see if you are fit. Anyways, I'll see you guys in the next video.