Ep 137: Eli - Yoga teacher, two very different births, induction and power of breathing
In this interview, yoga teacher Ellie Haskey shares her personal journeys through two very different births and reflects on how preparation, breathwork, and support shaped each experience. For her first child, she entered labor nervous but determined to avoid an epidural, using counting and meditation to stay present during a water birth after a brief induction. She describes the profound sense of safety, connection, and hormonal surge she felt, despite a tear and postpartum challenges. Her second birth, occurring years later in a private hospital, was marked by prolonged induction, a lack of supportive environment, a pethidine dose, an unwanted epidural, and a ventouse delivery. She recounts feeling disempowered, exposed, and disconnected due to family stress, medical interventions, and a sterile setting. Throughout, Ellie emphasizes the power of breath, yoga, and internal focus, critiques over‑medicalization and unnecessary inductions, and advocates for women trusting their bodies, seeking supportive partners, and practicing prenatal yoga to foster conscious parenting. The conversation also touches on the broader implications of birth experiences for maternal empowerment, hormonal health, and the evolution of conscious birthing practices.
Chapters
Hello everyone.
Thank you for joining me again. This is a wonderful treat for me to interview the lovely Ellie Haskey, who has been a colleague of mine for many, many years. We both work in this space of preparing women for birth and beyond, and Ellie is a yoga teacher. And she was telling me just then about how a lot of her own experiences has influenced her teaching. So I'm really looking forward to digging into her story. Welcome, Ellie. Thank you, darling.
Hello. Thank you for having me.
No worries. Now tell us, when you were pregnant with your first, how were you feeling about the idea of giving birth? And then tell us about any sort of preparation that you did.
Um, I was very nervous. Um, I had been to the classes at the hospital, and one thing that I really knew and was adamant about was that I didn't want to have an epidural.
Right.
I was quite scared of having a needle in my back. And so I just, uh, I, I kind of felt into it and I'm like, I'm not going to have that. So I'm going to do everything that I can to not have that.
Hmm.
I didn't really know about, um, the yoga things, um, at all at that time. Uh, but one of my friends said to me, just go into the pain. And that was the best advice that anybody could have given me because in the end, what I ended up doing was, was basically going into my body and, and meditating. I counted 1 to 10, 1 to 10 over and over and over again throughout the whole thing. Um, I didn't do much preparation. Um, I, I just didn't know anything. You know, the preparation I did was go to the hospital and do the birthing classes and they were. They were not that helpful, to be honest. I mean, it was a long time ago. He just turned 20, my first. And yeah, so I kind of went in flying a bit blind and just kind of trusting myself that my body knew what to do and that, you know, I didn't want an epidural. So it was like, that was it, you know? And I didn't even think. Post the birth, I was just like, let me just get through that part and I'll deal with everything that comes afterwards afterwards. You know, you kind of go a little bit blind. Um, I think sometimes.
Yeah. It's hard for women to think beyond the birth, isn't it? And when they do start to think, I often think that's a good, good sign. It means their minds have got the birth sorted and now they're thinking, okay, well, what do I do then? That's, that's when the rubber hits the road.
Yeah. Like, oh, I've got this little human and What now? You know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that idea of leaning into the pain or like going into the pain, that, that didn't scare you, that idea?
No, I think it was really helpful actually, because it gave me an anchor. It gave me something to do.
Yeah.
Um, and it gave me, I mean, I was doing martial arts and so I had a very sort of spiritual kind of Um, mindset at the time.
Yeah.
Or just before that. So that I kind of thought, okay, just go into it and, um, and breathe. And, and the counting just kind of arose and it was just brilliant because it gave me something to focus on.
Mm-hmm.
It gave me, uh, a space to, to put my focus and my energy That was not external, it was internal. So I just connected with the sensations that were happening in my body and I counted to 1 to 10 over and over and over again. Um, and I was induced, so it was a different, you know, I was 10 years overdue. Um, and, and then I was induced with the gel. And, uh, and so I had, you know, hours of uterine irritation and then mm-hmm. And then it sort of kicked off. And then I knew I wanted a water birth. So I had managed to kind of get into the birth center. I knew I didn't want to have any drugs if possible. So that was kind of all that I had thought about. You know, if I can have a water birth, that would be great. And off we go. We'll just hope for the best.
I think it's fascinating how Women who are not scared intuitively find ways to manage the sensations and the intensity of the experience. And counting is often a big one. I've heard a lot of women talk about counting, but I love that that really worked for you. Tell us how your birth unfolded. You needed to be induced because you were 10 days overdue.
I was 10 days overdue. And they were like, okay, we better, better get, get him out. So I went in, they put the gel, nothing much happened. Then they did the other gel and then it was 13 and a half hours from the second lot of gel to delivery, which wasn't, wasn't bad at all, actually.
Yeah.
I thought that was pretty good. We went from upstairs. Eventually they said, okay, we've got space for you now in the birth center. We went down. I remember they gave me the, like, the fit ball and she's like, here we are, try this. And I sat on it and I was off that within like less than a heartbeat because I was like, there is no way I'm sitting down on anything right now, you know?
Yeah.
And they were preparing the bath for me. So as soon as I got into the bath, I was like, okay, I can, I can do this now. You know, like that felt like My safety place. Yeah. I had my husband at the time was there. My mom and my sister were there to help me. And, um, and then, yeah, I remember once I got into the bath, I was like, okay, now I can relax. And I didn't, I didn't speak for hours. I just would be like, ice, you know? And then someone would put some ice in my mouth and I just was moving in the bath and making all those deep guttural sounds that come and just sort of really surrendered to my body and trusted it to do what it knew how to do.
Yeah. Um, we often call baths or water birth or epidurals without the, the side effects. A bath in labor can give you enormous comfort. And it's why a lot of birth centers are designed around having a beautiful big bath. for women to go into. And we don't tend to use it until around transition when things are really heating up because a bath in early labor can slow things down. But later, further down the track, it can be just perfect when you're getting to the end of your resources. Yeah.
Well, I think I would have got in, I would have been in it a good couple of hours, you know, so it was sort of upstairs for a long time. Then I had to walk from upstairs to downstairs. I think that that walk You know, it took, you know, nearly an hour to get me down because I just had to keep stopping and holding onto the railing and waiting it out as I moved through an expansion. And, you know, it was just like, oh my God. But, you know, when you look back, I remember when he was born and we, you know, pulled him out and he's just looking around. And I was just like, oh my God, like I did it and he's here and oh my God. And the rush, I remember. Very clearly, as soon as he came out, that the pain just vanished.
Yeah.
And I remember, you know, just feeling like so high. It was all the oxytocin hit and I was just like, oh my God, I'm Superwoman. I could do anything. And, um, it was amazing. It went a bit pear-shaped afterwards. Like I had quite a bad tear and they got me out and then, um, they were checking me and they stood me up and then I fainted. And then they were, then they were around and sticking needles in. By that point, I'm like, I don't care. I did what I had to do. Whatever comes next, I don't care. So, you know, I had a bit of, I had to have some, you know, quite a bit of stitches and what have you. And, but it all worked out okay in the end, you know.
Yeah. Ellie's described beautifully that, that women go inward and they often don't talk. See, this is not what we typically see around birth is on TV. Women are yelling and screaming and climbing the walls and For some women, that can be their experience too. I don't wanna take away from that. Having said that though, conserving your energy and the journey towards welcoming your baby is really very much a surrender journey. It's an inward journey. And when we're not feeling anchored or supported or people around us to help us to find comfort, then we're more likely to externalize like that. But when women feel safe, loved, and supported, they do tend to go inwards. And that's where the answer to their endurance, to their capacity to keep going, to their capacity to surrender to the intensity of the experience is. And as Elly described, the payoff for that is that beautiful hormonal cocktail that's then preparing you for that next phase. So the idea probably, Elly, of tearing prior to labor probably did your head in. But once your baby's here, there's such bigger things going on. the extra support you get hormonally can really help you for that next phase. Is that how you experienced it, particularly needing to get stitches?
Yeah, absolutely. Like I was, I was so adamant that I didn't want to have drugs and I didn't want to have any kind of intervention. And I knew that the bath was going to be my, my sanctuary. And it was, and I was very supported and it's completely different to what happened with my second birth. Um, and there's a whole numerous reasons why, but for my first, it was just, you know, exactly what I had kind of imagined it to be. That's what it was.
Yeah.
And, and yeah, I mean, once, once baby's out, you know, once he was out, I didn't, I didn't care if If I had tears, I remember them saying, oh, there's a little bit of it, you know, it goes towards the left and the clitoris. And I'm like, I need that. I need that. Leave that behind. Don't do it. Um, so yeah, I think, and afterwards, you know, the healing and everything that comes afterwards, and then you've got this new baby as well that you're dealing with. And I had a lot of trouble breastfeeding and, and what have you. And so, um, it was really. But none of that seemed to matter, I think, because I got the birth that I wanted. I don't know. It was really strange, you know, and, and I didn't want to, you don't want to be fixated on, I want my birth to go this way. And then, you know, if it doesn't go that way, there's, you know, a lot of emotional stuff that can happen for you because, you know, it didn't go that way. So I would always just say, you know, we can have a great idea about how we want our birth to go. We can do all the preparation in the world as to how we want our birth to go.
Mm-hmm.
But we also need to surrender and say, however it goes, it goes. And I'm okay with that.
Yeah.
So that we can really just allow ourselves. And the more that we trust our body and remember that our body is actually designed to do this, and the more we can get our head out of the way and we can just move and breathe and sound and allow it to do what it wants to do, the better off, the better experience we're going to have. And For me, I remember, you know, with Wilson, it was, it was a spiritual experience, 100%. You know, it's—
Tell me more about that. What do you mean by that?
I just remember being so connected with myself. Um, that inward journey was so pivotal. And, and I realized that, that this is actually the whole meaning of life is what is happening here in this moment, you know, that this is The closest we get to God, for want of a better word. And we are the creation process. And we have, you know, we've done nothing to actually grow baby except, you know, hopefully eat well, hopefully do some good exercise, hopefully spend time, you know, resting and calming the nervous system. But essentially we don't do anything. It just happens.
Mm-hmm.
And then we get to this point where we're going to give birth and, and we meet ourselves in the most primal of ways. And it's so beautiful. And I think that what happens with this, the system of medicalizing and all of that, it, it makes us defer our, our trust and our power to somebody else. You know, we give it away to somebody else.
Yeah.
And hope that they're going to look after us. Yet it's the most empowering moment for a woman when she's doing that. Doesn't matter how it goes. If you need intervention, if you don't, if you need drugs, if you don't, whatever happens. If we go into it with a sense of I'm sovereign and I can do this and my body is built to do this.
Mm-hmm.
If I need help, okay, I'm open to help. But for the most part, the more I can trust myself, the more it can evolve in a way that helps me come home to myself and remember the power of who I am as a woman, you know.
There it is. I love that you've touched that piece because sometimes we make birth about whether it's a cesarean or a vaginal birth or drugs or no drugs and we, about what happens when it's, it's about what gets activated in the mother. And she's transitioning from a woman into a mother, and that's a bigger version of the woman. She has to be bigger. She has to expand her capability. She has to build her resilience, her resourcefulness, her attunement to the baby, to put her own needs in the background for a little while while she keeps this baby alive. And there's so much growing up that happens in the process.
Mm-hmm.
But we are being biologically supported for that. And so when we can support birth to happen physiologically, there are so many payoffs that can happen as a result of it. But having said that, I've still seen it happen even when a woman needs a caesarean at the end of that labor or needs some sort of help, that physiological optimization can still happen, particularly if she's feeling safe, loved, and supported. If she's feeling on her own with a partner who's freaking out in the corner, if nobody's really helped her to find comfort, or if people have been doing things to her without her really understanding what's going on, all of that can change that transition quite dramatically. And this is the stuff that I think medicine doesn't appreciate.
Yeah.
As, you know, we're focusing on the wrong Wrong things.
Yeah, I think so, because the medical system is, is very disempowering, you know, and, and I think when women feel empowered, then they realize, oh, I can do anything, you know, and that it's okay, everything is okay as it is, you know.
Yeah.
But when we're disempowered, it's very hard to, to claw that sense of power back, you know. And so as soon as, you know, if a medical— if they had said to me, oh, your baby's too big, I'm sorry, you're not going to be able to do this, or, you know, I mean, I was lucky. I had a very smooth pregnancy. There were no issues. I didn't have any kind of complicated things. Um, but, you know, but I was— I did feel very loved and cared for and supported by The people, you know, my husband and my mom and my sister were there and the staff were beautiful as well.
Yeah.
Um, but, but with my second birth, that was not the case. I did not feel supported at all. And I couldn't, I couldn't recreate what I'd had the first time. You know, if I'd had my second birth first and my first birth second, I don't know what would have happened. Yeah.
Okay. Can we go into that now, Ellie? Tell us about how your second birth unfolded.
So my second birth, I was living, uh, in Gundagai. The first one happened in Sydney, so I was at the Women's Hospital in the birth center. It was all beautiful. I was living in Gundagai and I was going to have my baby in Wagga and I didn't want to go to Wagga Base. So I went to the private hospital, which meant I had to have an obstetrician and he was this older gray-haired man. Um, I was terrified of having my baby on the highway, um, because it's an hour between Gundagai and Wagga.
Yeah.
My relationship with my husband was incredibly strenuous at that time, and there was conflict between my mum and my sister came again. My mum was now disabled. She had had a stroke a year or so earlier. Um, so they came again to look after my now 3-year-old whilst I, you know, was having, having Benji. And I was 7 days overdue. I knew I couldn't have a water birth because there was no bath or anything like that there.
Hmm.
I had this obstetrician, you know, telling me things. I had a prolapse and he was just like, oh, don't worry, dear. We'll just fix that up after you've finished having babies. And I was just type radio. And, you know, I'm not the woman that I am now. So when I look back, I'm just kind of like, oh my God, the misogyny was just so high in this scenario, you know, it was just insane. Anyway, so I was already 7 days over. I was going in, you know, I had to travel into Wagga every time to an appointment. Um, I went and saw him and I basically, there was a lot of tension at home because of the dynamics going on between You know, my husband and my family was not a pleasant situation. And I went in and I'm like, I'm not going home. You get this baby out of me. You know? And so he got me my, my bed in the hospital and I went in and I'm like, all right, let's start the ball rolling. And it, you know, in hindsight, I should have gone home for the weekend. rested and just spent time with, with my little one and just tried to enjoy my family and all of that. But I was like, I'm not going home because it was so stressful at home that, uh, I just wanted to be somewhere else, you know. Anyway, so eventually, Benji, I had like so many goes of the gel, and I think it was like 28 and a half hours from the 4th lot of gel to delivery. So it took a very long time.
Hmm.
Once we, you know, got past the 13 and a half hours from the first birth, I was just like, okay, I'm not looking at the clock anymore. You know, like I was just like, and I was so disconnected from my body like that. Even I tried to connect and I just could not connect because I was so consumed with What was going on with my husband and my mom and my sister and all of that. And a little bit worried about Wilson. I mean, I knew that my toddler was fine. He was with my sister and he was totally fine. But it was just this dynamic of the people around me that really made it impossible for me to connect with myself. So I ended up having, um, Um, uh, I forget the drug's name, but anyway, I had some drug. I'm like, I remember like sitting on the ball, head on the bed, looking at my mum going, oh, I quite like this stuff. You know, like it's kind of nice.
Um, is it morphine or pethidine?
Pethidine. Um, and then, and then I ended up having an epidural and that was quite a magical moment. I think I can get emotional now because my dad had passed away about a year or so earlier. And when the anesthetist came in to put the epidural in, it must have been about 2 o'clock in the morning. He looked and sounded like exactly like my dad as a young man. And so I was like, oh my God, my dad is here. This is so good. This is better. And, you know, it was just, that was a beautiful part of the whole experience that was really quite stressful. Um, but then the epidural, it worked for a bit and I had it, you know, I was just like, I don't want to have an epidural. Okay. I forgot actually until now that I actually had it. Um, and then it worked, it worked for a bit and then it stopped working on half of my body and it worked on the other half. So on one side there was nothing and on the other side it felt like I was being stabbed because it changes the nature of the sensation. You know, it's not a natural, you, and you're not prepared for it because you haven't been building with it as they, as they build.
And it drops out your endorphins, which are your own body's pain-relieving substances. So when epidurals wear off, they can, um, the intensity can be very full-on because your endorphin levels have been compromised as well.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was definitely happening. Yeah. Wow. And then I was confined to the bed. I do remember spending something like 4 hours in the shower. It was during the drought. And I remember one of the nurses saying, there's no drought here, darling. You go for it. You know, so I was like sitting on a chair in the shower and the water just pouring down onto my belly, but it just didn't, it didn't do anything. And the main thing was that I just could not connect with myself at all. You know, um, Mm-hmm. And then I remember, you know, being on the bed and, you know, eventually the anesthetist came back and he fixed up the epidural. It started to work a bit better. And then And they were letting it wear off, waiting for the doctor to arrive to come and deliver, you know. And I'm lying on the bed just looking at the clock and looking at the door and looking at the clock and looking at the door going, where the hell is this guy? Like, get here and get this baby out of me, you know. Like, I can't deal with this anymore. And then in the end, he needed a ventouse, which was so painful to, you know, get it attached because they're pushing baby back up, you know. Like, no, I've spent all this time getting him down. Anyway, eventually he came out and, um, it was good. This time I had no tearing, so that was good. Um, and birthed the placenta. He's like, oh, this is a big placenta. I'm just like, oh, fantastic. My claim to fame, giant placenta. Um, but you know, and then, you know, he was out and all was well and it all, it all was fine in the end. Um, but, but the main takeaway, and this is what I used to teach to all the time, was that that connection to self is such a critical part of our experience because when we're not able to connect to ourselves, when we're externalizing, when we're worried about other things, that really influences our experience and it influences the time it takes and the The way we experienced the sensations and, and the whole thing, like it was just completely different to the first experience, you know, and I think, you know, in hindsight, it made me a better teacher. Like it made me a great, great prenatal teacher, but because I could talk to these 2 experiences and, and I know that, you know, that, that beautiful connected spiritual breathing, moving, sounding experience that I had the first time, um, was because I felt safe and supported and connected and all of that. And it worked just magically as it, as it, you know, we dream it to be, you know, but the second time was so influenced by so much of the external noise that I just, I couldn't get there no matter how hard I tried. And I still didn't know anything about, you know, the yogary things that I know now.
Mm-hmm.
If I were having a baby now, it would be totally different. You know, I can't, menopausal, but you know, like, um, yeah, they were just, you know, chalk and cheese, you know.
Yeah. The external environment of a birthing woman is so very important. And when you agree to go ahead with an epidural, it does change the, uh, not an epidural, an induction, it does change the trajectory significantly. in terms of the experience. And people don't necessarily realize what they're signing up for when they sign up for an induction. And we're overusing them now, we know that. So if you are going down the induction path, make sure it's for a very good reason, not just a potential risk of, that it's actually, you know, actually going to keep your baby safe. Because sometimes even bringing I mean, I think your comment about, you know, how much gel you needed to ripen is a great sign of your body wasn't ready to go into labor, which then causes us to think about, well, is the baby ready to be born? Is it fully developed? Is it fully cooked? You know, when we offer women inductions at 37, 38 weeks, that could be 4 or 5 weeks early for a baby. Now you were a lot further than that, but— These are sort of when you, when you're weighing up the risks of, okay, maybe an IVF conception or a high BMI or an advanced maternal age or gestational diabetes, even if it's managed, these are all risk factors which can invite a reason to induce. But you want to weigh up that risk or even, or even post dates because late isn't 40 plus. That's not late. 42 is probably late. Over 42 is late. Most babies are born between 37 and 42 weeks. But that— when we look at our decision-making around that, you want to weigh up the risk of that risk, which often is very low, as well as what's going on for this baby, this pregnancy. What are the signs that the baby needs to come early? Because once you agree to an induction, Then there's no sort of, um, you're already being surrounded by noise, people, bright lights, different environment, and your ability to go inwards is so much harder, Ellie, isn't it? Because of the stimulation of being in a hospital. Whereas if you, you know, go into labor at home and you just potter around, you go into your bedroom, you lie down for a while, maybe you sit on a birth ball, you watch TV, or you get out in the garden and pull out weeds, or you get into the kitchen and chop up veggies and you're not being observed, you're not being timed, there's no pressure to do or be anywhere other than where you are. All of that is going to change your ability to surrender and to follow the signals that your body gives you in the birth process.
Yeah.
Yeah. So with your inductions, because a lot of women do end up with inductions, What, your first one was an induction too. Did you end up going through the first 3 phases of it, like the gel or the balloon, breaking of waters, and then the oxytocin or synthetic oxytocin?
I, the first one, I just had the gel.
Just the gel. So you didn't go any further than that. Now I wanna make a point about that. Sometimes when we go in for inductions, your carers say, oh, we do this and then we do step 2 and then we do step 3. But if you're going into labor after step 1, it doesn't mean you necessarily need to go to step 2 and step 3. And I'm sure that promoted, and the fact that you were, you were a lot further through, weren't you? You were 40 plus 7?
Yeah. Yeah.
So you're 41 weeks. So you were probably pretty well cooked. Baby was pretty well cooked. So your body was probably more ready to go into labor. But it doesn't necessarily mean you need to do the other 2 things. You can do a wait and see and let people know, you know, we're just going to give it a bit of time. We might consider it further down the track. Is that the sort of advice you would give your women, Ellie, around that?
For sure. For sure. You know, with the second one, I had lots of gel. I never had the balloon, but they did come and break my waters.
Right.
My waters were not broken. And, you know, I think when they do that as well, it's, you know, I think I had the epidural also at that point. My waters hadn't broken.
Yeah.
You're sitting, you know, you're sitting on the bed in your waters. I think that that was, that felt just not humiliating, but really exposed. Yeah. And, and gross and just like, this isn't right. You know, like this is not how it's supposed to be. I felt, I felt so demoralized and disempowered through that whole experience. Um, because of the treatment and they, you know, they're doing their best. They're doing what they have been for many, many years and all of that, not to discredit them, you know, if we need help, great that we get help.
Yeah.
I think that help is given before help is really needed as well. Um, and, you know, is that for convenience for the system or is it in the best interest of the birthing mother? You know, it's more about the baby.
Yeah, you know, absolutely. And it's not an easy decision to make. You know, I never give advice around whether to or not because one, I'm not qualified to, but two, I tend to think, you know, people have got to go inwards and really tune into themselves because there's plenty of noise around pregnant families saying, do this, do that, you need this, you're going to need that. And not enough reminder of actually what feels right for you right at the moment. Is this the best path forward or is waiting a better option for you? How does that feel when you think about those 2 options? And that's the sort of— support I often give my families to just tune in. And I don't think I've ever worked with a couple who haven't got a very strong sense about what needs to happen in the moment. And a midwife, my very first midwife, she used to say these words. She said, women know what they need and they know what needs to happen, but they don't know that they know. So if you ask them, You'll get the answer, but a lot of people don't think to ask the laboring woman or the pregnant woman about what they feel needs to happen. So decision-making can get very, very tricky when it comes to making the right decision. It doesn't mean choosing an induction is the wrong decision. It just means that it's going to put you on a very different trajectory, and it's important you know what you're actually signing up for and to always ask the question. What are the risks of induction? That's one of the things carers forget to tell you, that there are actual risks with induction. Anytime you push the body to do something, there are potential risks in doing that. Yeah.
And I, you know, I don't even think I was told anything about it. It was just like, oh, you're quite overdue. We're going to induce you on this date, you know? And I'm like, okay, like I didn't know it was different. And I don't think they give any kind of information. I mean, maybe it's better now. This was 20 and 17 years ago.
Mm-hmm.
Um, so maybe it's better now, but you know, when I was teaching prenatal, I would, you know, one of the core underlying things in the course was teaching women, A, how to stay connected with their breath. And how to listen and trust their, their, the wisdom of their body and to be able to feel strong enough to be able to say, this is what I need, or this is, this is how it is for me now, or this is what I'm doing, or, you know, to have that sense of empowerment and, and to really learn over the course and, and in that time before birthing how to trust and how to listen to the body and how to Mm-hmm. stay connected with the breath. You know, I teach them meditation classes the second week, you know, so that you're, you've got all this time and I give them homework and they didn't always do it, but I gave it, you know, uh, to give them the time to learn how to connect and stay connected and be connected, you know, throughout the experience, because it's very easy to lose our connection.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
But we train ourselves to come back, you know?
Yeah.
Some things might, you know, be happening on around us and we, you know, open our eyes and look around and sort of see what's going on, or we have to answer some questions or whatever. But then we've got capacity to go, okay, good. You're all good. I'm going back in. Thank you very much.
See you later.
You know? And if you want to address me, you address me through my birthing partner, you know, so that, that I'm not the first port of call. I wanna be left alone to do what I'm doing, which is moving with these waves and, sorry, moving with these waves and breathing and in communion with myself and with baby as we move through this process. If I could do it all again, I'd do it very differently. But yeah, hindsight.
That's the benefit of listening to stories like this because you can learn a few great little things to help you make the best decisions for you. That anchoring yourself to your breath is a very, very powerful tool. And the breath is incredibly powerful for a couple of reasons. One, it focuses the mind and it keeps the mind harnessed and moving towards what you want rather than what you don't want. But 2, it influences the body physiologically. Can you talk a little bit about that, Ellie?
Well, you know, from a yoga perspective, it really, you know, those long exhalations really calm the nervous system and they open the body, you know. And I think, you know, when we allow, you know, I'm very into sound and sound healing. And when we allow those, you know, those deeper sounds to emerge through the exhalation and the feeling of that spaciousness as we inhale and You know, as we follow the breath coming in and out of our body, it helps us to move like water, you know, in and to flow in and out. And so, you know, particularly in the birthing space, you know, we can use visualization with the breath and allow ourselves to open with that exhalation and to soften. And it's a bit different to our normal breathing. Our normal breathing is actually coming in as we exhale through the abdomen and it expansion through the inhale. But I think when we're in the birthing space, you know, we really can soften ourselves through the pelvis, soften ourselves through the heart, through that exhalation to, to invite the release, you know, and that downward flow of energy so that we can guide baby through, you know.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and, and the more we stay with the, the the flow of that breath, the more we are staying connected in, you know, to ourselves. Yeah. And it's easy to come back to, you know, because especially if we practice it, it's no good going, oh yeah, I'm going to meditate through my birth and I've never done any kind of practice of watching my breath. Yeah, it's great. I actually did it in the first one. You know, I didn't have too much experience with Meditation and all that sort of stuff a bit, but not huge, not like now. Um, so it is most definitely possible. And I think if we tune into our instincts, it's what we would naturally do.
Yeah.
When we're not scared. When we're not scared, when we know that we don't have to defer our, our, our power or our capacity out to somebody else, when we're just like, no. My body's built to do this. I know what I'm doing. I'm just going to move with it. I'm going to breathe. I'm going to just be in it and let it just flow. You know, that's that total surrender. And the breath helps us to come into that space of surrender.
Yeah. Out of all the feedback I get, that's one of the, well, the 2 biggest ones I always say is the breath, the power of the breath. They say, oh my God, the breathing was amazing. And the second one is my partner was amazing. In other words, being surrounded by people who know what to do, who know and understand the process, who know how to help you to find comfort, who are able to be that buffer between you and the rest of the world, who are able to ask questions of your caregivers, help you with decision-making, and support you all the way through so you can just really let go and go into that primal brain, which then optimizes the hormones, the performance-enhancing feel-good hormones, and it then optimizes your physiological response to the birth as well. So they are key. And yeah, certainly working with some breathing techniques. And also, I've got an episode on this series and it might be worth if you really want to dive deeper into it, is to learn how to breathe in a way that doesn't encourage over-breathing. Because when we over-breathe, we get less oxygen, which creates its own problems. And a lot of deep breathing practices can promote over-breathing. So that's a good episode to listen to if you want to know more about that. Ellie, what sort of advice would you give people who are preparing for birth?
Um, well, to come and see you, to do your course for sure, which I always recommended. Yeah. Um, and, you know, do definitely do some, you know, yoga and prenatal yoga, I think is just magic. Um, it prepares the body. It's It helps you to just be with yourself and be with baby, you know, for that designated time each week or every time you do a practice to build that connection. You know, we know so much now that, you know, what's happening for mom is happening for baby. And so if we are elevated or stressed or running around and da da da, then we're sending a whole lot of hormones and chemicals to baby that are You know, potentially not that helpful, you know. And so really, and particularly in this time, you know, I think since COVID and through to now, there's such a heightened level of activation in people and there's a bigger fear drive in people and things like that around all sorts of things, not just the birthing and not just, you know, You know, being pregnant and all of that, but really downregulating the nervous system, caring for the body, taking time in nature. You know, nature is such a beautiful teacher because it reminds us that we move in cycles and that we are not supposed to just go and go and go and go all the time without rest. Prioritizing rest, prioritizing loving moments, you know, spending time with your partner, listening to baby breathe, you know, talking about how excited you are and allowing all of those beautiful hormones and joyful thoughts and feelings to, to be through the whole sense of being because that's how it's imprinting into baby that they are loved and they're cared for and that they, they can hear everything that that's being said and that their feminine brain is already developing, you know, and their capacity to feel and emote and be in touch with their senses and their emotions is already developing before they're even born. And that, you know, when we know about that, we can really be conscious of what am I thinking? What am I feeling? What am I feeding myself? You know, digitally and through food nourishment and all those sorts of things. You know, it's all so important. And not to say it to freak us out, oh my God, I have a bad thought, it's bad for my baby. Of course not. But if we can have more good thoughts, if we can have more loving and caring and sense of self, um, Awareness, it's all going to impact the way things unfold and how you parent, how you show up as a parent, because you're a more conscious parent, you know. And I think it's great that we have much more conscious parenting going on. It's showing up in all the brilliance of all of these little kids that are out there now who are wise beyond their years and, and able to express themselves beautifully. And, you know, We're coming into a new humanity and we're breeding these new kids because we're doing more conscious birthing and more conscious parenting.
Yeah. Stop watching the news, my darling hearts.
Definitely don't.
Don't get too tuned into what's happening overseas because I know those things can be very disturbing and I hear it in my mother's groups as well, but I always say circle of influence. What can you do right here, right now? That would be parenting the next generation. Well, you know, becoming conscious, helping them to grow up in a way that supports the evolution of our species. And that is the greatest gift you can give any big dramatic world that we're living in right now. So I'm with you on that, sister. Thank you so much, Ellie. You've been such a great person to share your wisdom with. And Ellie's Work as a yoga teacher is quite extensive and she's been doing it for a long, long time. So I think her advice around doing some yoga and things that are relaxing and nourishing for you and your body and learning more about birth in the process is also a great form of preparation. So thank you for tuning in and we'll see you again.
Bye. Bye.
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Ep 133: Daniella - Homebirth, partner support, the love she felt meeting her baby.