In this pre‑recorded solo coaching session, Tracey Anderson Askew addresses parents who feel guilty and inadequate. She frames parental guilt as a costly mindset that offers two reactions to everyday mishaps: laugh or self‑criticise. Tracey explains that a deep, universal belief of "not being enough" is amplified in parenting, especially under societal pressures (choices of doctor, pram, feeding, sleep, milestones, etc.). She shifts the narrative from guilt to responsibility, describing guilt as a servant that can become a master, whereas responsibility invites growth. The core practical tool she offers is the affirmation "I’m enough," drawn from her Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) training with Marisa Peer, and she explains why this phrasing bypasses the brain’s self‑critical counter‑arguments. Tracey uses several metaphors—a child covered in makeup, a tree with diverse leaves, and the two‑wolf story—to illustrate that every person (and parent) is inherently enough and that feeding the positive wolf (compassion, truth) over the negative one (fear, comparison) changes the internal narrative. She emphasizes that parents need not be perfect; they need to repair after mistakes, offering a simple repair phrase to restore safety. Practical tips include asking for help, setting boundaries, putting the phone away, and engaging in self‑compassion activities. The session ends with an encouraging reminder that simply being alive, caring, and showing up is enough for good parenting.
Chapters
Hello, my darling villagers. It's Tracey with you again today, and I'm away at the moment, so this is a pre-recorded event, um, and I hope it's helpful for you. I'm using the cards as a bit of a theme to go through this year, and they're, they're great little primers of, um, I guess, consciousness and awareness that we need when we have answers. So I hope they're serving you and Today's topic is about feeling enough as a parent. Ditch the guilt, my darlings. It's the guilt that causes us to feel like we're enough, but that's a mindset. So let's see if I can set the scene for you. You're doing your best, you're tired, and your child is being a child. I, I have a memory once where Jacob came into the bathroom and he had literally painted himself with all of my makeup, made a hell of a mess, and ruined most of my makeup as well. And it was, it was in that moment— there's a moment in that as you walk in and you see the disaster that you have two options. You can laugh, which on a good day when you're in your window you probably would laugh, or you can make it mean that you're failing as a parent, okay? And you can make it mean that you're just falling short. And most of us do choose option two, particularly if we're running on overdrive. And so today's a little bit about choosing one more often, okay? Not only because it's cute, but because guilt is very expensive when it comes to your mindset as a parent. Now, the real problem is this fundamental belief that I think to all, you know, I think pretty much every human has a bit of a belief about not being enough. It could be not Being enough, having enough, doing enough. It kind of has this we're not quite enough feeling to it. It's like I should be better. It's one of the core fundamental beliefs that we work with in RTT. And parenting is the perfect place for it to grow because it's become a bit of an Olympic event. You know, there's so much pressure to get it right. It can start early from the doctor you choose, where you give birth, the pram you're pushing, the feeding, the sleep, the milestones, the screens. There's always that sort of underlying pressure that I've got to get everything right. And then of course the mind creates, I guess, um, hoops for you to, to jump through. Like, I'll feel enough when they sleep, or I'll feel enough when they stop melting down in public, or I'll feel enough when I'm more patient, or I'll feel enough when I lose weight, da da da da da, and it keeps you on this treadmill. And we've got to shift that. We've got to really sort of step into our conscious awareness. We've got to notice it. Okay, guilt is not proof that you're bad. Here's the uncomfortable truth: guilt often shows up because you care. It's a care factor thing. Now, it's a terrible master. You don't want to let it master your life, but it can be a good servant because what it does is it propels you to want to do better. Okay, so let's look at this, see if we can shift things from guilt to responsibility, which is the ability to respond. Responsibility says, well, that didn't work, what's the next best option? What can we do better next time? Guilt says that didn't work and you are the problem. One helps you to grow, one keeps you stuck. Okay, in the Village we do growth, we do steady growth with forgiveness, compassion for yourself, and recognize that, yeah darling, you're going to get it wrong, but it's in the getting it wrong that you work out what's right. So we're going to start with a beautiful little affirmation. And, and this is a bit like the free password to unlock that limiting belief in your mind, which is just the statement, I'm enough. Say it over and over again while you're feeding, while you're hanging out the washing, while you're cleaning up, you know, particularly when you feel like you're out of your window and you're, you're feeling a bit stressed, either highly activated or you've just kind of gone into that space of shutdown. Just keep saying, I'm enough, I'm enough, I'm enough. I'll tell you why it works. Marissa Peer, who's my RTT mentor, she talks about the statement, I'm enough, hacks the program. Because if you say to yourself, I'm a good parent, your mind is going to give you 5 memories of when you weren't a good parent. But when you say, I'm enough, there's no antidote to it. Okay, you don't have to be perfect, and it doesn't mean that you never lose it because you will. It's just a little practice of bringing you back on track. Okay, and here's the thing about being enough: you're enough because you exist, because you're alive, because you're learning, because you're here. Your children are enough. Everybody's enough. I often give this metaphor of the tree. The tree has all of these different leaves, and if you look at the, the way that the leaves are formed and the little threads that go through every leaf, everyone is completely different. And that's what humans are like. And the tree doesn't sit there and say, well, that leaf is more enough than that leaf. The tree just feeds the leaves. Okay, so there's no arguing about the fact that you are enough. There's a beautiful old story, um, a traditional story about two wolves that are inside of us. One is fear, comparison, resentment, not enoughness, and the other is steadiness, compassion, truth. Okay, there's always a wolf that wants to pull us down, and there's always a wolf that wants to— that sits in the truth of existence. Of the fact that you exist means you're enough. And which one wins? The one that we feed. Okay, guilt feeds the wrong wolf. It's loyal to drama. It gets caught up in the messiness of life. So your job is to never— your job is to not never feel guilt, because that shows you you care. Your job is to notice it and stop giving it 3 meals a day. Okay, the guilt is not helpful and it keeps you stuck in patterns. So really cultivate this: I'm enough, I'm enough, I'm enough. The good enough parent can repair. And this is the moment I really want you to hear: your children do not need you to get it right all the time. They need you to be real and they need you to come back and repair. And if you can meet them with steadiness most of the time, you build security, and then the rest is where repair lives. So when you do get it wrong, you just say something like, 'That was hard. I didn't handle it the way I wanted to. I'm here now and we're okay.' That sentence builds more safety than a thousand guilt spirals. Okay, so just keep working on that 'I'm enough.' And if you find that you're really out of balance, just do a little bit of a, you know, 'How can I get myself back in the window?' Get some help. Ask for help. Put your phone away. Do things that are going to lift you, not pull you down. Okay, so I hope this has been really helpful for you, my darlings. It's a good little reminder that when we hear these words and we can resonate with them, in order to be a good parent, you don't have to get it right all the time. And your enoughness is in the fact that you're alive and you care enough to be listening to this recording in the first place, and when you're in the village. So I hope this is a helpful little reminder. Okay, lots of love to you all. So hugely respectful of what you do. Okay, see ya.
