Episode #136 Dominique: Physiological birth, using the power of the mind, importance of preparation.

Hello, my darlings. It's another wonderful story for you today with lovely Dominique. And Dominique is a wonderful mother. She's been through my Thriving as a New Parent groups, and we often share birth stories in those groups. It's a very bonding experience, actually, coming into a room full of women all sharing their birth stories and discovering what a ride it is. And Dominique's offered to be on the podcast. So thank you, my darling, for coming.

Thank you for having me.

So prior to you having a baby and when you were pregnant in that early pregnancy, how were you feeling about having a baby and the idea of giving birth? What was, what was in your head?

I really wanted my birth to be a positive experience. And I think And I was like determined about that. And the reason was, is that the pregnancy was really hard.

Right.

Um, so I have a metabolic condition, which means that, um, before we could even try to conceive, we, my husband and I had to do genetic testing to make sure that my husband didn't carry the same, um, gene that I did for PKU and Um, and then I had to go on a preconception diet for a couple of months before we could try. And then during the pregnancy, I was on a really, really strict diet protocol of, um, eating exactly, um, 30 grams of protein a day, no more, no less. Um, constant finger prick tests. Um, really hard to get adequate nutrition.

Mm-hmm.

Um, which just like made me feel kind of rubbish the whole time. And then on top of that, I had really bad Morning sickness, more like all the time sickness. Um, and so the pregnancy was just such a slog, and I— it just, it just made me think, okay, I can't— there's not much I can do about this pregnancy. I just have to count my food, weigh my food, get through these feelings. But what can I influence about the birth? What can I do there?

Yeah.

Um, and so I really wanted to approach my, my birth with like a lot of preparation, a lot of understanding of like, what, what can I do? What can I, how can I influence it to, to, to make the end of the pregnancy something joyful?

Wow. It's, it's one of those things, isn't it? We're very aware that we can't control the process of birth, but we can influence it. And that's always worth, and that's the whole premise of this podcast is what can we do to influence birth and to move it in a direction where we can optimize our response. So you came and did my classes, the Transform Your Birth class. How was that, Dominique, in terms of helping you to look for those answers?

Um, I think the thing that your class really gave me was the permission to be positive about my birth.

Um, I, I did find when I got pregnant that a lot of women like to come with me come at me with their horror stories.

God.

Um, and that was quite a confronting experience for me because, um, I, I'm one of 6. My mum had 6 births, 6, um, 6 kids, and she always had sort of straightforward positive birth experiences. And so pregnancy and birth and breastfeeding was something that I kind of knew from childhood and, and didn't come at it with that much fear until I got pregnant. And then I, I felt like there almost like a Greek chorus that wanted to tell me just how, you know, how bad, how things could go wrong. And, and I felt like I was having to just get a bit smaller and smaller about my ambition, or my belief, I, is a better word, my belief that my birth was going to be okay.

Hmm.

Um, and so I think that the Transform class, the biggest thing it gave me was like, no, you have permission to, to be positive about the birth, like to, to confront it, to welcome it. Rather than bear it. Um, I think the other thing was how it helped my support team. So my husband in particular, um, just absolutely loved having a toolkit. It enabled us, it opened us up to talk about our expectations and, okay, this is plan A, and then what's plan B to Z?

Yeah.

Um, so he, when, when I did end up going to the hospital, he felt very calm and very confident and knew where to direct his energies, knew what to say to me, knew not to ask me things, um, knew to sort of protect that space. Wow.

Yeah, that is a game changer, isn't it? You know, coming back to the whole, um, Our minds, the part of our mind that dictates the birth process is the subconscious. And the subconscious is wired to look for potential threats. And of course, in pregnancy, you get the amygdala grows as well, which is that threat-oriented part of the brain. And so when people tell you how hard things are and their birth stories that ended up in whatever, um, The mind doesn't know what to do with that, particularly when it doesn't have an antidote or a way of, gosh, if that happened to me, how would I deal with that? Which leaves women in an ocean without a life raft. And it, I find myself getting so protective of pregnant women in terms of the things that people say and, and, but also empowering those women to just push back a bit and say, look, I really don't want to hear your story because every story is so different. But what I am curious about, what did you learn that helped you? Because that sort of question can create a conversation that's far more positive. But we do tend to focus on the hard parts. And we do that with an underpinning belief system that we're not enough to handle it. So when women say to a pregnant woman, ah, have the drugs, do this, which, you know, maybe that's appropriate for her birth, nobody knows at this point. And, but I always say to my women, most of the time you don't need it. And, but the implication is you're not enough to handle it. And these are the sorts of comments and the noise that pregnant women have got to deal with. And that really can burrow its way into the subconscious, so much so that it can create the very thing you're warning a person against. Because what you fear, you fuel. And what you focus on, You move towards. And so, oh, darlings, shut the F up about stories that can leave women feeling a little bit ambushed and a little bit like, well, what would I do if that was me? Okay, what we need to hear as pregnant women is how everything works, what we can do to contribute, and what are some of the hints and tips and tricks that help make women comfortable in labor, enabling them to get through it. So I just wanted to, um, yeah, address that piece because it's very common, Dominique, and it's something that I'm, you know, I like to help people to really think about and protect your mindset. Don't just open yourself up to anybody's opinion. And so when you were going into labor, how did you feel?

I definitely felt excited for it, but there was fear that I had to let go of that I noticed a lot when I was doing the meditations and doing the practices.

Yeah. Tell me more about that.

I think the primary thing for me is that I did have a friend who passed away in childbirth, um, about 4 years ago, and I found that really affecting.

No.

Um, and I missed her a lot when I was going through my pregnancy. And I think, I think that was the, that was the thing I think that I, that was stuck in me that I was holding onto was, was that Um, that emotion, that, that grief.

Yeah.

And I know that when I got to the end of my nesting phase, after I'd Dettol'd the fridge and thrown out half my clothes and everything, I sort of had—

Yeah.

I had to take a moment and go, what's left? And it was that. And it wasn't until I sat down and I wrote a letter to her and I wrote a letter to my baby And said all the things to both of them that I wasn't able to say to my friend because her passing was very unexpected. And what I wanted to say to my baby, if, you know, if that was what she would have left of me. And I know it sounds quite, it sounds quite heavy to talk about, but I, for me, I, I really had to release that.

Mm-hmm.

I really had to, I had to trust that that everything was gonna be okay and that I could put this into these letters and work through that. And I think that was kind of like the final frontier that allowed me to then relax and settle and start thinking, okay, I'm gonna go find my baby now.

Oh, I love that last comment. I'm gonna go and find my baby now. How beautiful. A huge experience and like seriously rare that we lose women in childbirth now. So there can be very specific things that happen that get lodged obviously into your mind and into your heart around that. And what you did of acknowledging it and giving voice to it is a really important step towards actually being ready to give birth. Often what women find at the very last stages of their pregnancy, they'll find that they might have, you know, done the course or done a course and the practices and they've been feeling really excited and then they start getting wobbly again. And I see that it's a very common thing because there's a part of you that knows you're walking into the great unknown. You're walking into the mystery. And our little minds love to be in control of everything. And the reality is we're in control of very little.

I agree.

So, yeah, so that wobbliness is an important step to go through in order to really release whatever is is, in your words, beautifully said, the last frontier.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think one of the— we'll get to it, but one of the things I really felt in my labor is that the veil between this world and the next was just thin. And I felt it getting thinner as I sort of approached my labor. And I think that's why I felt really called to have that conversation with my friend. And I think definitely in my labor as well, like, my body was here on Earth, but my mind was not.

Mm-hmm.

And it was weird. I just sort of felt the, you know, the sort of thinning of these 2 worlds. And it sounds a bit wooey, and I'm not a very wooey person, but that's really, I think I sort of had to, Reckon with that, with that a lot through pregnancy and labor.

I think we should be wooey just because birth is beyond the rational. It's beyond the logical. It's beyond the evidence. It's beyond the science. It's something that has a depth to it that has evolved through creation. And, and there are aspects that we can't measure and quantify and sometimes even Um, see, touch, hear, feel. It's something that's even deeper than our senses. And so I love that you've actually raised that, Dominique, because I know that, um, that experience as well of feeling like you're very close to something that's beyond the here and now. These altered states that women can go into, the sensitivity is so increased. And of course, the cortex brain has been decreased, you know, it goes offline. And so our capacity to access other experiences and realms of reality can be enhanced. And I think that's what you're talking about. So how did your birth unfold? Tell us more.

Um, it was a It's it started in I guess in the early morning, and I had I'd sort of I'd prepared for okay I'm gonna you know sleep when I can and stay upright and da da da da. So I started to feel kind of quite strong contractions about five in the morning, and I got up and I put my TENS machine on and went back to bed. And about an hour later, I was like, I can't stay in bed anymore. I have to be up. And that's when I was like, okay, let's get the plan going. So it was all the Swiss ball and I was bouncing on it and very quickly I was like, God, I can't, I need to be on all fours. And so then I was on all fours on the ball and Um, I was getting my husband to, to time my contractions because I said to him, I was like, this is like, they're increasing like something, you know, like I was prepared to, to be in it for quite a while. And I felt it was like an earthquake, like there were tremors. And then I just, it was like the ground was shaking and, and, and it was getting bigger and bigger. And, and I was like, no, I think I need you to time this. Um, Which he did, while I tried to sort of, you know, make myself comfortable, which was, you know, putting on nice music and swaying and rocking. And I was, I had a happy place visualization, which was, which for me was, and this was, this was what I found when I did that, that meditation in your course. For me, it was Noosa Beach, which was where I learned to swim. We'd recently been there on holiday. Like, I always feel very connected to the water.

Mm-hmm.

So I was trying to find videos of Noosa Beach on YouTube and I couldn't. So I was like, okay, I'll put on Taylor Swift. She's got a 3-hour concert on video. And I got through an hour of that concert before I was like, turn her off. I cannot listen to Taylor.

Go Taylor. She was good for an hour.

She was good. I got to, she has one song that's 10 minutes long. And I thought, oh, I'm gonna time my own contractions. And I realized that they were coming every 2 minutes during this 10-minute song. And that's fast.

Yeah.

And this is, and so by, I mean, I kind of had no idea what time it was, but I knew it was still the morning because my partner had made me breakfast, which I had promptly thrown up everywhere. Um, and I remember being like, I, because we have a townhouse that's quite tall and I was on the top level. And I remember having this almost fight or flight response. Like, I cannot be up high. I need to get down low. I need to get to the the lower levels of the house. And, um, and so there I was on the stairs on all fours and just, just feeling like rocked by contractions. And, and that TENS machine was worth its weight in gold. Like, I was hammering that thing.

Yeah.

And it was lovely actually, because it meant that I knew, okay, I could feel this contraction coming on, I hit the button, I ride it with my machine, I let it go. And that, that notion of the waves was really helping pull me back into my happy place of watching waves on the beach as well.

Yeah.

Um, but then I reached the point where I said to Bennett, you need to call the hospital. And he did. And they said, oh, you know, first-time mom, how long has she been in labor at that point? Not many hours. Um, like a couple of hours. And they said, look, you should really just like wait it out at home. Don't come in. And I was like, put them on the phone to me, you know, thinking if they could just hear me, they'd go, oh no, come in. But they said, no, stay there. And that was, I felt this is wrong. Like I need to be at the hospital. And I, I don't know how many minutes passed. It, to me, it felt like no time at all, but Mm-hmm. Um, blood just started running down my legs. And that was the point where I said to Bennett, I don't care what the hospital says, we're going in.

Yeah.

And so he called them and told them that, and they said, oh, look, if she needs pain relief. And he's like, she, she doesn't need pain relief. She needs to give birth. I'm getting in the car.

We do. We underestimate the speed of first-time labors and there's no There's no exact science to it. Yes, it can take longer to thin out the cervix. It's why first-time labors do typically tend to be longer, but that's not true for every woman. Some women's bodies are just like, yeah, we're opening.

We're ready to go.

Wow. So that car trip must have been pretty intense.

Yeah.

Luckily, I, we're a 5-minute drive, if that, from the hospital. And I had the song that I was going to play. Um, and I played it twice before we got to the emergency department. Um, and it was a song that we used to sing to my little brother when he was a baby. So it was very, very connected to, to babies for me was that song. Um, and so I was kind of singing that in the car while, you know, holding onto the, the rail and breathing. Um, and I got to the emergency department and had a contraction the minute I opened the car door, had another one in the emergency room, another one, you know, at the cafeteria before you get up to the birth suite at the North Canberra Hospital.

Mm-hmm.

And I remember this is the last conscious decision I made where I had to think, am I going up in the elevator or am I going up in the stairs? And I thought, I cannot wait for the elevator. That is gonna be agony. And I like gathered all of my strength and just sprinted up the stairs.

Wow.

And I remember getting there and, you know, the midwife came out to me and asked me for my green book and I put my finger up to silence her while I like bent over and had a contraction, then handed her my green book and she was like, okay, we're going straight to the birth.

Wow.

Um, and, and from then there was very little left of me in the room. I, I was aware of things that were happening around me, but I, you know, I had, I had gone completely into labor land at that point, I think. I, um, I remember like we had a birth plan. I had a beautiful student midwife as well, and after I did Your course, I sat with my student midwife and the booklet you get in the course and sort of talked her through, you know, these are all the things that I want. And so between her and Bennett, they were so good at controlling the energy in the room.

Wow.

Um, and I don't remember being asked this. Um, but apparently I was asked, are you aware of your pain relief options? Uh, and my husband was the one who said, she knows, stop asking. And they did. And it was beautiful. Um, because the thing, the thing is that you just, you're so suggestive. You're like a little lamb, almost like you'll just go anywhere with whoever is shepherding you.

Yeah. Yeah.

Um, and so, you know, the, I was very like clutching my TENS machine, like, don't take this away from me. And it was my student midwife who said, Would you like, how about I put you in the shower? And I remember feeling just like a little child, like, yes, I would like to go in the shower. Um, and, and so that was good because I felt like I could just sort of let the people in the room handle what was happening in the room while I went and did, while I went and found my baby.

Yeah.

Oh, I, I loved what you said about the suggestion, how suggestible we are in labor. We don't have that rational brain on track. So we're very, very sensitive to anything going on around us. And when somebody says, oh, you know, do you want the gas? What gets translated to a woman in labor is you're going to need the gas. And that's why one of the things we suggest to families is to say, please don't offer us pain relief. We'll ask for it if we need it, because we don't want seeds of doubt planted into the mind of a woman. And that extends not just to that, but anything that they say, even an expression on their face can influence a laboring woman. The best way to deal with that is to go inward, is to either close your eyes or not really tune into what the other people are doing, knowing that you have a partner who can handle, you know, questions and things like that and enables you then to surrender into labor land. Dominique, can you tell us what labor land was like for you and what you were doing with your mind in that space? Or if anything?

Yeah. So because I didn't know at the time how quickly my labor was progressing, I hadn't, you know, I had some sense that it was going quickly, but, you know, time stops. What I do remember was the sensations being thick and fast. And, um, there was, I think, a play between my conscious brain and my subconscious brain. And there were different times when each one was activated. So when I was thinking consciously, it was like I could feel this contraction coming on. I'm going to ride the wave. And then I would visualize myself going up a wave and down the wave. And that, that I think really helped my subconscious kick in so that once I practiced that a few times, I did literally feel like I was rocking on the ocean. And, um, and the other thing For me is these little mantras I had in my head, which is, this isn't bigger than you because it's coming from you.

Yeah, I love that one. That's an Ina May Gaskin quote. Your contractions cannot be bigger than you because they come from you. They come from your body.

Yeah. And that was, that was like really powerful for me because They, there was not a lot of relief in between the contractions really. Like, um, and so it helped me think this can't break me. Like, this is my body doing what it has to do.

Yeah.

And I, and I also, the things you recall in labor are really funny, but we also did the hospital birthing class where they sort of semi-inflated a balloon and then put a ping pong ball in it. And then you squeeze the top of the balloon until the ping pong ball comes out. And the sort of lip of the balloon expands as the ping pong ball comes out. And they say, you know, the ping pong ball is your baby and the balloon is your uterus. And this is what happens as it squeezes, it dilates and lets the baby come out. And so every big contraction, I was just kind of thinking of that ping pong ball coming out of the balloon, um, which sounds nuts, but it just helped me trust that my uterus was doing what it had to do.

Yeah. Um, nice, nice. That's when we can, you know, um, pull together ways of helping the mind to deal with whatever it is you're dealing with. That is your superpower, is the power of the mind. And it can make you and break you though too, because if you're sitting there focusing on the pain, the pain, the pain, you're going to get more pain.

Yeah.

I experience this training in the mornings when I do boot camp. And I give my mind, whether it be counting or things to do while I'm going through the pain of training. So, you know, these things are powerful reminders of how to harness your mind in your everyday life. Because I tell you what, those thoughts come with feelings and feelings of physiology.

Yeah. And like on the subject of Things people say to you and you can choose to keep them or you can choose to discard them as much as possible. And one thing I kept with me was a friend who told me that she pushed before her body was ready and it did, it had bad consequences for her.

Hmm.

And I was so glad she told me that story because I recalled it in labor. Like I recalled it when I was, I guess, transitioning and I was thinking, God, I just want this to end. God, I just want to push. And I, I almost saw her in front of me saying, don't do it. Like, wait, let your body do it.

Yeah.

And that was, you know, I just, this is kind of what I mean about your mind is just kind of finding different things to focus on and pulling them up. And I, I think I was just like, it's like I had 100 angels there in the room with me, you know? giving me the right things to focus on. And I think that was one of them. Wow.

Very good. Tell us about the pushing phase.

So the pushing came really soon after my waters broke. So my midwives told me, your waters are going to break. You're going to feel a lot of relief. And I thought, oh, thank God. And then I was just like ready for my waters to break. Um, I was in the bath at this point and my waters broke and I like 2 minutes later was like, I wanna push. And they, you know, the midwives were working with me on that. And then as I was starting to feel the urge to push, I freaked out and I said, get me out of the bath. I said, I'm gonna hurt her. I'm gonna hurt her. I can't stay down. Get me out of the bath.

Mm-hmm.

And so they did. I, I don't think it was very elegant. I think I must have looked like a, you know, like a hippopotamus doing a somersault trying to get out of the bath. Um, and I went back into the shower and that's the point at which I just shut down.

Yeah.

And the, you know, I went very, very quiet and I just really focused on, on like, I went inwards, I guess. And I did my first push in the shower. Um, but I, I remember thinking like once I was in that place of safety, which for me was the shower, um, I went back into my happy place cuz that's where I kept going to center myself.

Hmm.

And like I said, it was sort of, it was Noosa Beach. It was this empty beach. The sun's low in the sky and I can see the waves and I, had envisioned each contraction as a wave coming that, you know, I sort of moved with the wave and it came back. And at that point, I started to realize that the, that my daughter was in the sunlight that was dancing on the waves.

Oh, what an image.

And I remember like letting the waves like wash over me. And talking to the sun and saying, are you ready for me now, darling? Like, let me know when you're ready. And it was at my first, like, push that I felt her call to me. And I, I've envisioned myself stepping into the water and I thought, I am gonna let this water consume me and I am going to gather it all up and hold my baby in my arms.

Oh my God. Goodness, Dominique, I've got goosebumps from head to toe.

I can't tell it without crying. Like, it's just, it's such an emotional feeling. Um, and that's kind of what I mean about that. There was this other world that I was in and, and, and my baby was there and she was coming to me as well. And it was like, Piece by piece, wave by wave. I, you know, I let her come to me and I really still very viscerally remember that feeling of stepping into the water to receive her.

Mm-hmm.

And yeah, I think, I think that was really powerful cuz it was at that point where I needed to push that my conscious brain switched off. It left the room, it was gone. There was no more mantras. Nothing. There was just me and the waves and the sunlight and my baby.

Wow.

My goodness.

Um, and I wasn't pushing for very long. Um, I do, I do remember I gave it a good few goes in the shower and then I felt exhausted and I said to the midwives, I need to go lie down. Um, And I lay on the bed with the peanut ball and I didn't actually do much for very long. I think I spent about 15 minutes just lying on the bed recovering my strength. And I had this sense of like, you need to rest because she's coming.

Mm-hmm.

Um, and I sort of did that for about 15 minutes. And then while I was resting, one of the midwives said to me, At some point, I'm gonna tell you to slow your breathing down, and I need you to listen to me when you say that. And there was not a lot of things that I was sort of taking in, but that was one thing where my brain was like, right, that instruction, follow that instruction.

Yeah.

Um, they, the midwives were really hands-off and, you know, they, the only thing they were doing was that they were putting the Doppler on to measure the fetal heart rate. Um, and after like one particularly big push, and I remember it being really, really intense. Um, so intense that I bit my husband's hand and he said, absolutely not. And went and got me some bath combs. He was like, I'm not here for this.

What's he complaining about?

Oh, but God, I loved those bath combs.

They were great.

Um, but after that push, um, my heart rate dropped and so did my baby's. And so the midwife came to me and said, we need to put a monitor on you because Bubby's heart rate is dropping. And I remember thinking, go away, I'm swimming. Like, where? Um, but I said to her, do not put me on my back. I will not go on my back.

Mm-hmm.

And she said, no, we did. Like, let's just turn you over. Sorry, instead of being side-lying on the bed, I turned over so that I was sort of on all fours gripping onto the back of the bed.

Yeah.

And they got the monitor on. As soon as it was on, I said, I'm pushing. And, um, and I did. And that, like I said, that was the moment, like I'd have these little conscious moments in the room where I would be interacting. The minute I started pushing, I was I was gone. I was back in that happy place. And that was the moment where I was like, I was like, I can feel my daughter. I could literally feel her at that point. I could feel her head in the canal. And I thought, I am this close to like, to pulling her out. I, I had a vision of myself pulling her from the waves and bringing her to my face. And that was the point where, um, And this was, I think, just such a mystery to me that even though I was, my, my entire self was in that visualization, I could hear this distant voice saying, I need you to slow your breathing. Because at that point she was crowning. And so I, I did, I followed the instructions without really thinking about it, just soft little breaths. And she just came out all in one go, just one beautiful little slippery slide.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

And I remember feeling that happening and going, oh my God. And it took a moment to crash back down to earth. It wasn't until they said, go reach down and pick her up. And I thought, pick who up? What am I doing here?

What is this?

Who wants this?

I think if you'd asked me there, I wouldn't have been able to tell you my own name. And then She was between my legs and she was gorgeous. She was just lying on her side. And I think I just remember that visual constantly of looking down and seeing my beautiful girl between, like, on the bed between my legs. And I thought, oh my God, that's, that's my baby. And I, I don't, I, it, I had felt the whole thing is just like an eruption and then it And then she was there and it was, it's just, it was just the best moment of my entire life, I think.

Wow.

Wow. I, um, and, and so I love that your midwives were very hands-off because that sends a powerful message to the mother that there's nothing wrong. And, um, when she was born like that, did you then pick her up?

I did.

Wow.

I picked her up and I, um, I must've had a bit of help because I'm sure I was shaking. Um, but we put her to my belly so that she could crawl up. And I think my husband was completely transformed by it as well, because in the, in the lead-up, he sort of said, I'm not cutting the cord. I don't like blood. And then he himself was overcome with emotion and they offered him the scissors and he was, he was right in there. He couldn't—

He was a lot braver than he thought.

He was.

He was caught up in that moment. I mean, goodness me. I, if I could wish for every woman to experience that, it'd be an amazing thing. And obviously it's not like that for everyone, but I think what you're describing is Mother Nature's design. She wants us to really awaken to the significance and the magnitude of this event because that's what being a mother requires us to do is to be bigger. And the intensity of labor and birth and the, you know, I often say it's the cracking of the shell from the woman into the mother. And with every child you go through it with, it's the same deal. You have to rise up, you have to overcome, and you've got to discover your true strength. And, you know, sometimes we discover more about our strengths through a complex birth than we do a straightforward birth like yours. Dominique, what sort of Well, what did you learn about yourself? Let's start there.

I think, I think what I learned is that it's hard, but you can do it. Um, I think that, that it made me 2 things. Like, it made me feel like there isn't a challenge I can't rise to, but at the same time, it made me feel like I'm so much softer than I realized, like that there's There's a hard exterior that I've put on to get by in the world, but that's an outfit. And actually, like, there's been a sort of almost like a returning to my inner child of like, oh, you know, I'm this soft, sentimental little squishy person who, you know, just wants to radiate love and And be surrounded by it. Um, and I think, I think it's making space for both of those things, both that hardness and that softness.

Yeah, because a mother's been born and symbolically the mother is the nurturer. She's the giver of life and she's got to maintain that life until that baby's old enough to look after itself. But then also she's fierce. And she can be hard and she can be, you know, you don't mess with a new mother. You don't mess with any mothers, actually. I'm still like that. In fact, I'm worse since menopause. You get a bit of a don't mess with me vibe. But for each woman, her path towards that, that fierceness and that connection to love is, is its own journey. And birth can be a huge catalyst for that, which is why it's so important we do support physiological birth where we can. And when women need help, we still do our best to bring as much of that woman into that labor space as possible by not scaring her and keeping the environment safe for her and protective so she doesn't feel vulnerable and overwhelmed.

And I think for me, a lot of that was about the preparation beforehand. Um, like I said at the very start, like, what can I influence? And so for me, doing your course, doing the hospital course as well, and learning sort of their protocols and what they do for things. Um, I bought the Birth Map as well by Catherine Bell, and my partner and I used to sit there rolling a dice and go, okay, what are we going to do if we have to go to an induction or we have to do this or we have to do that?

Yeah.

And like I, like, like I said, that really helped my partner know where he had to step in and what he had to, what his role was on the day. And that's why I think for me, I mean, I picked the happy place because it was the meditation that most deeply resonated with me, but I also felt like that was one that I could take into any kind of birth.

Mm-hmm.

Is that I, I had that I had that imagination, that ability to visualize it.

Yeah.

Um, and it was a place I could keep returning to and I was, I was happy for it because in a fast labor, like there's not many breaks. I thought I'd be, I thought I'd be doing the labor dance. I thought I'd be putting on nice CDs and smelling aromatherapy and, and there was not like, it was go to whoa.

Yeah.

Wow.

How long was the birth all up?

Um, it was a touch under 7 hours.

Oh yeah, that's fast.

Yeah. Yeah. And I, um, I think as well, like, uh, like I was lucky to have the right team with me. Um, I think having my partner really prepared really helped. Having my student midwife really prepared as well. I wasn't in the continuity program. Um, so I had to just trust on the day that I was going to have the right midwives in the room.

Mm-hmm.

Um, but I do feel that like, you know, walking in with 2 people who would, you know, who knew what my preferences were, that was, and that was worth its weight in gold. And my student midwife was a beautiful doula who, you know, she was teaching my husband, you know, here's how you get the shower head and run it over her back. Um, they were the ones who were telling me when I said, oh, I can't do it, they were like, you're already doing it, you know. Um, they were like keeping the space in the room. And my student midwife in particular really protected me after birth as well, um, with the delivery of the placenta.

Yeah.

Um, which I had written down that, you know, I wanted it to be physiological and my student midwife made sure that was on the board. But I remember feeling absolutely deflated after birth and thinking, God, if they ask me, do you want the injection? Do you want to do the active delivery of the placenta? I will just give in. I'm exhausted. But they didn't ask because that preference was clear and that pref— they, that preference was upheld by, by my partner and by my student midwife.

Beautiful. And there was no contraindications for it. to be otherwise. No, unless we showed signs of bleeding. Yeah.

And it was quite— I remember the midwife appointment, they were like, this is the done thing, we'll give you a shot in the leg. And I remember being like, but why is it the done thing? Like, what, what's going on there? And it was just like, oh, you know, we just— there wasn't a satisfying reason. Um, In the end, I was really, it was a good thing that I had that physiological delivery, which I had to go and empty my bladder. And then the placenta just all came out like intact, whole, beautiful, all in one. But then they went and inspected the placenta and they found that the cord was attached A particular way for it, but it wasn't attached in the center of the placenta. It was attached to the edges, to the membranes.

Yeah.

And, um, the midwife said, oh, it's a good thing we didn't do active because if we had pulled on this, it would have ruptured.

There you go. That's a very interesting point because I, I know I've had talks with doctors about managing the placenta with the injection, and then there's an active, you know, we want to get this out as soon as we can type approach to third stage. And I've had doctors say to me, you know, why would you—

Yeah.

Why wouldn't you manage it? Like, it's obviously the safest way to go. But sometimes managing third stage can cause problems as well. And it really has to be assessed every time a woman gives birth as to what's going to be the best way for the woman. And she needs to have a choice around that too. Because in your case, it was obvious that, you know, letting it come in its own time, in its own way, was much less complex in the way that the placenta was than had you have managed it. So yeah, one policy for all women is not very good medicine.

It's not.

not the way medicine should be practiced. We should always look at policies within the context of what's going on for that individual woman and family and unit, you know, the baby and everything. So I love that you've brought that up. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think that was my philosophy approaching birth. I wasn't necessarily wedded to one kind of birth over another, but I did sort of think Let's, like, it was like, I don't want to add things unless I have to.

Yeah.

You know, it was let's, let's see kind of what happens if we do nothing first.

Do a wait and see. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Beautiful. So what advice would you give to a pregnant woman?

Do the effing practices.

That's my favorite tagline.

Do the effing practices, people.

They are so powerfully designed to work with the mind and also the stress response to downregulate stress. So women can move into deeper states of relaxation, which means they're less likely to be triggered in their labor. And, you know, they can keep their body responding optimally to the birth process and optimize the release of those performance-enhancing feel-good hormones. Yeah.

I think, I think what I would have wanted to hear as a pregnant woman is no birth is guaranteed, but it, it can be a beautiful thing.

Yeah.

Um, some of the best advice I received was just only listen to positive stories.

Yeah.

Surround yourself with that. Um, I think, I think preparation really helped me because it helped me surrender on the day. It helped me think, okay, I can just let go. I can just go. Go and find my baby. Um, and that's my job and that's all I have to do.

Yeah.

Um, I think, you know, it, I felt like a little bit insane in the read-up with all of the preparation that I was doing, but then I was so like, well, not particularly relaxed in the middle of a contraction, but you know, I was surrendered in the day. Um, and it's just that your mind is so powerful and your body is so much stronger than you can even comprehend. And your mind's just the greatest tool that you have. So, you know, give it its ammunition, like let it work with you.

Well said. Well said. Well, my darling listeners, we've had a really powerful story to hear today of a A very straightforward vaginal birth, a physiological birth in every step, which is, can be rare these days. I think also Dominique's helped us to see the power of what it is to prepare, to have a partner who knows what they're doing. And by the way, if you can get a student midwife or a doula, student midwives are doulas without the price tag, but having that extra layer of support, particularly if you don't have your own, um, continuous caregiver. If you're not sure who you're going to get on the day, that continuity can make a big difference, which then allows the laboring woman to just surrender. I think Dominique's story also around preparation of the emotional state of what is there to be reckoned with prior to birth. And in Dominique's case, she had a very, you know, some things that she needed to deal with within her own subconscious that raised Those fears came up at the very end, which is really, really common. And she acknowledged that by writing letters, talking about it, and bringing it to the surface. And ultimately, she was able to harness her mind, her mindset, to really work with the process to help her to get through and to help her to discover that she is so much bigger than what she thought. So a big thanks, Dominique. Is there anything else you want to finish with?

Um, just to let all the pregnant women out there who are listening to this podcast, like I did before I went into labor, that you are so strong and you are all brilliant mum. Beautiful.

Thank you. Well, thanks everybody for tuning in, and we'll get some more goodness to you at some stage.

See ya.

Hi again, it's Tracey. Excuse me. Dominique and I were just talking about the beauty of physiological birth and how in some parts of the world there's a real push to move beyond it and to just go straight to caesareans. And one of the things, the pieces of the puzzle I think gets missed is how birth sets us up for parenting. And so I just wanted to come back to Dominique and say, Ask you the question, what was it about the birth that you think has helped you in that post-birth phase? How has it translated into your parenting?

I think my birth was just such a powerful experience that I have been able to hold on to every time things have gotten tough.

Yeah, it's—

I had my happy place and now my— that birth is my happy place too. The There were times, I think, particularly in the newborn era where I'm sleep deprived and I've, you know, you're feeling all kinds of crazy. And I would go outside and I'd look at the setting sun and I would recall that visual. I recall seeing my daughter for the first time and I would allow that to calm me. And I just feel so privileged that I got to have this beautiful experience that I'll hold on to for the rest of my life. This, this powerful moment that I did have to surrender my body. I had to, you know, that, that it was the most intense physical sensations I've ever been through. Um, but ultimately, like, I don't have a clear memory or a physical memory of that pain, but I do have a very clear memory of the joy, of the euphoria of finding my baby, of calling my baby to me. And I love my baby, but she is of the spicy variety. She loves her mommy. She loves to be bounced, loves to be rocked. And there's times where you are feeling a bit touched out and can't I just put you down. And, and I, I have this experience where I think, no, she came to find me and I went to find her. Like, we're meant— this is what we're meant to be for each other right now.

Mm-hmm.

And I think it's just given me that fortitude to carry through some tough times. Like, and I, I remember we had, we had trouble establishing breastfeeding. And I unfortunately did, um, face a bit of pressure to switch to formula feeding, which I didn't. That wasn't my choice. That isn't, that wasn't what I wanted to do.

Yeah.

And I remember calling the hospital and saying to them, please let me and my baby figure this out together. We're a team. I know we can do it together. And the midwife on the other end of the phone was actually the one who'd attended my birth. And she said, I know you guys can do it. You do what feels right for you. And I think it was that sense, that connection of like, my baby and I are, we're a team. We work this out together with a little help. I will say that we did get some great help from Anne Endress, a fabulous lactation consultant as well.

Yeah.

But it was that. that trust that I could do it with her, that she and I would find each other and work together, she being my baby, um, that made me persevere through 8 weeks of pumping and, and triple feeding until we managed to establish breastfeeding. And—

Wow.

Um, I think, I think it's really, you know, it's, it's an earthquake of self, and I've felt You know, I felt really like I've stepped into this. This is who I— this is what I was always meant to do. I found it very transformational and I, I just found it just the absolute best day, most beautiful experience of my life, which I will say it doesn't feel like at the time, but it's, you know.

Yeah.

It is something that I carry within me like a little flame in my heart.

Forever.

Wow. Well, there you go, my darlings. It's something to think about in terms of moving birth beyond this idea of how it happens, whether it's your vagina or sunroof or with medication, without it, straightforward, complex, needing help. Whatever version of birth comes your way, it is an opportunity for you to discover your mettle and your fortitude. Your capacity to keep going, because that is what parenting demands of you. And I've always said, and there's an episode just on this, that what you learn for birth is setting you up for parenting. And so for us to move as a civilization, to move away from physiological birth towards surgical birth as being the safest option, needs to be reconsidered. Unfortunately, a lot of people who are behind those sorts of decisions have never seen Physiological birth in its total power long-term, not just in the birth moment, but how that then sets the mother up. They don't necessarily realize that there's more going on than what we can measure and see and feel. So a very powerful episode. I hope you don't mind us coming back on with that little piece. Thanks for listening. Bye.