EP 100: We Made It!

Apparently it's white chocolate cheesecake, mate.

No, it's not.

Can't be.

No, it isn't. Just put it over there somewhere, mate.

Looks nice. It's Nan made it, come on.

Oh, did she?

Yeah.

Oh, you did tell us about that. Yeah. All right then, well, we'll give it a go.

No, you can have my little one actually.

Yeah, fair enough. I actually quite like the teaspoon element of it. Do you? Makes me savor it longer.

Oh, it frustrates me.

Yeah, you just got big mush though.

Yeah.

So we talking about this now? The base looks good. That's first. The aesthetic appeal of it's great. It doesn't have Rottweiler hairs on it. That's also good.

Are they the videos across the top there or are they— Are you sure?

Are they videos? Of various dubious content. You going in now?

You're gonna—

he's just gone. He's in. All right, well, all right then. Good. By the mine. Is it baked cheesecake or like an unbaked cheesecake? Unbaked. Fair enough. Yeah, you can feel by the texture.

What's her name?

Carol.

But she's about 35 as well, isn't she, being your grandma?

That's pretty good, but I don't know if it's bad. Me and Carol have to just put some ginger biscuits in the base.

That's right, yeah, the base is ginger.

Yeah, yeah, interesting.

That is interesting.

See, fucking— I know my cheesecakes, bro.

I normally only like ginger in, um, drinks and Ranger and Spice Girls.

Yeah, really good.

It's rich.

Yeah, but cheesecake should be.

It's nice though.

It really is. We started the podcast. All right, fine. I didn't— yeah, all right.

What were we talking about off air there? Oh, dick pics, obviously.

And you took one 4 years ago and it was decent, so I kept it. I'm still waiting for my decent one. Oh yeah, it's never been happy with it.

We gotta go.

Maybe it's a sign. Been waiting a long time.

This is your angle. Leg up there. There.

Oh, okay. The selfie mirror. In hand and hard? Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. All right.

No, I'll send you to pin that there.

That's pretty good. That is pretty good.

I got one. That's the money shot.

Yeah, that's a good one. I get it, I see it.

I just busted your balls. I'm not a big taker of dick pics, to be honest. No, no, average penis, I think.

Yeah, I don't think anyone really wants to see a dick pic though, do they? No, if anything, it's like they'd want, they'd want more mystery.

Yeah, that's the—

could be a decent cock. I'm sorry, it wasn't, but you know, Yeah, that's— I hope everyone was there for a bit. Yeah, fair enough. This is great.

Well done, Carol.

Give Carol my regards.

It is quite rich, but I'll come back onto it, I think.

And it's definitely not— I won't onto it. You know the game Soggy Biscuit, right?

Yep. Soggy white chocolate cheesecake.

Soggy cheesecake. Okay. I'm drunk.

Oh God, no, we got told off last podcast. It had to get cut down by 85% because we talked too much about R. Kelly.

And was that the bit that got cut, the R. Kelly bits?

Yeah, there's a lot of R. Kelly bits though. It's quite hard not to let go though, isn't it? I just want nothing more than to talk about R. Kelly now. Yeah, it's come up. I was thinking that it's like if you're skiing through the woods and they say like, don't ski into a tree, but if you look at the tree, you'll end up skiing in a tree. It's like when you're on a podcast, they say don't talk about R. Kelly, but that's all you can then think and talk about.

I was exactly— I did my virgin live last night.

You what?

Big live virgin.

Oh yeah.

And all I could think about was not saying two words. He knows me so well.

Podcast is down to 30 minutes. 13.

It could have been 13.

It could have been.

So yeah, what did it start at?

It was like an hour 15.

Last week's podcast was an hour and 15. It had to get cut down by 45 minutes, so it's now to 30 minutes. That's got to be a record, hasn't it?

Is it a record?

Yeah.

The thing is The girl said it was by far the best one.

Yeah, I know, yeah.

I think if this gets 1,000 likes or something, we'll release the unedited version.

That'll be the end of this vlog. We have to do it in some weird way though. Sorry? Well, we might have to have like a cinema viewing of it or something.

Yeah.

Phones in Faraday bags.

We'll invite everyone in.

We invite everyone in. You gotta buy tickets, but the money goes to charity.

Yeah, and finally it gets to be watched.

Yeah, because it should.

Yeah, we should be able to say whatever we want without consequence.

Yeah, and without true judgment, surely. I'm proof of it. I'm not fucking great. Kelly hates it when I talk with my mouth full as well, but fuck him.

Sorry.

But yeah, so it's a thing, isn't it? Like trying to not do something but thinking about it, so you do it. Yeah. Can there's any like parody with any dog training somewhere?

Probably.

Could be.

Could be.

Yeah.

Um, anyway, mate, episode 100. Congratulations.

Yeah, nice. We talked shit.

90% of podcasts don't get past episode 5, you know, and some way somehow we've reached episode 100 because we're stubborn.

And the other thing is that 90% of our podcasts don't make it.

Yeah, there you go.

This is probably worrying that the 10% of what we do actually get to put out. Yeah, yeah. Imagine how much— yeah, people are like, oh, there's like, oh, 5% of gold in there, and we're waiting in there for the— from when J-Rod does that blackout thing, like, um, Will Ferrell, and he just goes They're waiting for that. Imagine if they were waiting for that with an extra 90% of shit. Would that make it better for them when it happened?

I think so.

I think so, yeah. It'd be a really variable, intermittently fucking reinforced fucking wapathon, wouldn't it?

What were you waffling on about your live yesterday?

Probably—

was it—

was there a point you were gonna make?

No, it was exactly the same point you were making where like you're trying not to do something, so how did you do it?

Yeah, say those two words. Yeah, they're good words, to be fair.

Yeah, I don't—

yeah, they roll off the tongue.

They do.

We have a live guest.

Oh mate, oh yes! Do you want to come in? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why don't you sit on that?

He's really far from the mic then though, it almost looks like he's punching his shoulder.

That's fine. It's fine.

I've answered up to the cheesecake. Yeah, no, look, I've already put somewhere on the counter.

Lucas's grandma, some feedback.

No, I mean, no, I'm already putting weight back on.

It's just ridiculous.

You've been talked about on this podcast quite a lot.

Have I? This one?

Most— no, just like most episodes, I think.

Is it because you are jealous of—

I think so.

It looks a bit awkward though, last time, don't it? It's like when you were— I mean, did you call me Dave? Was it your idea?

Probably, yeah. I don't know, he calls it—

yeah, I tell the same story 4 times and no one knows I've told it, so could be, could easily be me, couldn't it?

I don't know why you got Dave.

No, I don't think I've ever called you Dave. I've only ever called you Benno.

Is that a nickname?

My surname is Benson.

What's your real name?

First name?

Michael. Oh, there you go.

Hey Alex, incredible.

It's all good.

Michael Benson kind of sounds like a serial killer or a basketball player.

Anybody that wears the glasses on top of their head really, like, that's a bit dodgy, aren't they? Let's have them off.

Do you have a dog?

I don't, but I want one of them, um, I've seen quite a few videos of these at the Belgian Do you?

I think that's an excellent idea.

Yeah, they are. I love them because I watched a video today and he trained it so well. And one of the kids says, oh, the bloke says, is it a, um, an Alsatian? Went, no, it's a Belgian Malinois.

It's amazing.

Well, nice dog.

Mayonnaise.

Mayonnaise. That's it. They're good dogs.

I, I'd get two.

Two?

From the same litter?

Yeah. Oh yeah, I'll do that.

Two, two boys.

I like cocker spaniels though as well. Oh dear, I love a cocker spaniel.

Like a working cocker?

Working cocker, yeah, someone to keep me fit when I, when I retire.

Um, dog bite stories from your job?

No, but there's a really big dog in top near Ellargill. It's just huge. You normally have the gate shut and you can hear this dog barking. So I thought, I'm not, not doing it. There's no way I'm going anywhere near it. The gates were open one time and I thought, I must be out, must be gone. Got all the way up to the door and there they were, this massive Alsace, you know, the right proper thick furry ones that would chew my leg off.

You didn't? You've never—

no, no, no, no, no. Through cautious procedure or is it through pure luck?

Um, I think I know now where the dogs are. Some of them are quite friendly. They are.

You got like probably like a sixth sense for it at this point, especially being on this podcast so much.

Yeah, transferable energy.

Yeah. All right, do you have beef with other delivery drive companies?

Yeah.

Do you? Go on.

DPD are useless. Yeah, every, every time I've had to almost fisty-cuff yeah, they're terrible. They're ignorant and rude.

There's a new one on the, on the block though. Have you heard of Relay? Yeah, I had a full fucking WhatsApp conversation with the other day because they didn't turn up, and then it said like it's going to get delivered today instead. I was just— I messaged back. I didn't even think it'd be like a response. I was just like, you're actually going to turn up this time? Yes, we've told your driver to turn up this time. Like, what the fuck?

That's like everything. We had a, um Yeah, my daughter, my daughter, all the shite. My daughter went to— well, she was going to Mallorca and she ordered a lot of, like, a lot of stuff to be delivered and she paid for the extra delivery. Didn't turn up, turned up half an hour she'd left. And then they tried to say, oh, we tried to make a delivery but no one were in. I've been in all day.

Yeah, they're just shit. You drive with your daughter?

Yodel, are they?

Yodel? Oh yeah, yodel is shit.

Yeah, there's only us, I think. Yeah, maybe DHL. That might be all right.

Yeah, I like DHL too. No, what about FedEx? I had the same thing where he didn't turn up and say— he said he had turned up. I was literally stood on my drive. He said he turned up. No, he didn't. It was just a lie.

Who thinks they're better than everyone else?

I don't think I'm better than everybody else, but UPS do.

Yes.

Yeah, it depends if I know him. If I don't like him, then I don't.

Yeah, just pretend you haven't seen him. Or do you go full offensive and go like, fuck you, sir?

Sometimes I do.

Yeah, you have lockers at the depot? No.

Right, I won't trust it.

Do you park your truck at your house or is it at the depot?

No, it stays at the depot.

Do you drive with your door open?

No, I used to have a van that did have the sliding door, but this one don't. It's just windows. A Merc, not an Iveco.

They're shit.

Which one's shit?

Ivecos. All right, they're Italian, aren't they?

You ever been invited in by a bored housewife for a cup of tea?

No, but they have turned up with Nexonol on some of them.

Oh nice, do you think it was like lean forward and stuff fall out?

Yeah, I'm surprised they're allowed in all the metal glasses.

It's a bit creepy actually.

Yeah, that guy with the— have you seen that? The old— that karaoke guy that drives around All-Star, drives around in a van and just offers people a tenner to finish a song off? Yeah, that's good shit though. That matters.

I'm trying to think, like, I've got so many questions. You do the same route every day?

Yes.

Same route?

No. Yes. So I used to come to you early, and then all of a sudden I get another collection. Come in at about half 11, I think I've got to go back.

There's not much we can do about that.

Yeah, how many, how many, how many stops you get on it?

It's gone really quiet at the minute because UPS are putting the prices up, so they're trying to get rid of customers, then get rid of us. I don't think it'll happen, but we'll see.

How long you been What would you do?

5 years I've been there in November.

What did you do before that?

I worked for Loomis, like, cash and valuable company, and they took the piss. I had 2 robberies with them. I had someone run at me with an hammer and one put a gun to my head.

Right, yeah, there were one—

I worked— go with the bat one first and finish with the The thing is, um, me and my wife, we lost a baby the day after we were born. So she got pregnant again with Eleanor, who we've got now. And her son, he had a post-infantile polycystic kidney disease. So when Eleanor were at 20 weeks, she had to be tested to see if she was still all right. So that were happening on the Monday, and I got robbed on the Friday. So already my head went in bits, and this guy come running from this bush with a gun from that van, and I thought, I can't be arsed with this shit, not today. You said just do it. I just— and then, bro, yeah, literally, I can't get out. He says, we'll get out of the van. So if I get out of the van, alarm's gonna go off. But he forced me out of the van. I ended up throwing some money out of a locker, slammed door. They won't let me in secure unit inside EMR, like, um, metal, waste metal place. I thought, I fucking threw my helmet and everything, just everything just got launched. I thought, I can't be asked with this. And this dickhead, who's this in a mask? This is Loomis.

And they, uh, oh right, gotcha. They, they're the big cash boxes.

Yes, 21 grand they got.

From where?

From me. I had to just give him it. It's just from— I had to come out of, um, because I had to open a safe to get the money for where I was delivering to, but the cash that got out weren't for them, it was another locker. So they still got the money, Lee's building society didn't get theirs.

All right.

And then the thing is, it kicked me. So when I went to police station, they took my pants off and everything. So they probably just wanted my suit.

Yeah, they're a bit like that. Yeah.

So, so like you walk in, the first thing you're gonna want to do is—

yeah, why not?

Why not? Yeah.

Yeah, just haven't I.

We're out of the bat story.

Come on, mate, bend over. Um, what— those big boxes that you carry around, they're pretty much impossible to rob, aren't they? They explode or something.

The first one, when I got robbed at McDonald's up at Birstall, they, um, turned the box upside down to fuse it and then knocked the pin out the bottom. 18 grand worth of cash just for free. And they got away with that.

How do they know how to do that?

They're the old bosses.

You can't do them now.

The ones now, they'll blow up and flies out your hand apparently, right? But it's not a good job, don't pay enough. I get paid more doing this job than what I did doing that.

Yeah, it seems backwards.

Yeah, you think robbery is like quite common?

Yeah.

Oh, they were, yeah. We had, um, one guy, he were, he was at Sainsbury's up at Martown, and they came and attacked him and put the knife around the door. Went straight through his chest and just missed his heart.

Oh my days. They're just people up the road up there.

Yeah, it's just to get money. And then you must have heard the one at Killingbeck.

Nope.

That was terrible. That was another big one. And then they, they tried to get in, they knew they were watching. So this is taking a twist, isn't it? Let's watch, because they count how many cassettes are going in so they know if there's free machines to go in. Yeah, they wait until the second last machine, then try and get in the room, and then they've got 3 machines that they've got full cash for. Yeah, but they failed because one of the guys who lives on our street, he refused to let him in the room, says, I'll set fire to him if you don't. And they didn't pour petrol on him, but then ran. So they had one box, set fire to it, set fire to Vanit Cemetery behind, and got nothing. So sometimes, oh yeah, no, you're not having it. They tell you though, just give them it, but they tell you not to let them in the room. Really? It's all about— it's easy when you're fighting DPD and kicking shit out of everything. Yeah, delivering parcels every day. Yeah, yeah, a lot easier than that. Yeah, it's got to be dark in it now.

Yeah, really did.

Started off all right talking about cheesecake, and you still haven't tried it? No, Carol, I do like cheesecake, but it's a good cheesecake as well. It looks like a cheesecake.

Where you off next?

I'm done. Oh yeah, yeah, that's why I'm got loads of time.

This is why you're here now.

No, my daughter, she's worked in Hideout at Putney, so I've got to go home, get shower changed, and I have to take her there. It's a pub, it's a nice little pub, should try it. It's not far from her.

How do you know where she lives?

She told me.

Crazy, because I saw her, I saw her, I saw her swimming.

I saw it at Swinner, so I said, do you live up there?

He says, yeah, I live in B—.

That's funny.

Don't know which number yet. No, you probably shouldn't say that on a podcast either.

No. Any other wild stories to finish up with? No, not really. What?

There's a couple of good ones here. Blasts from the past.

Ever had any set twos because you've been late or something and someone's lost their shit?

I've just nearly run into a woman at bottom of East Shepparton Road today. Yeah, she just pulled out. She's just fine. I'm not looking, I'm not looking around, it's going to keep going. All right, firemen were just laughing their bollocks off. I'm there on arm.

You've never wanted a chinna customer?

Yes.

Yeah, no, the size of this one. It'd be funny though. Yeah, there's a few.

Yeah, give us a couple of them, a couple of them. I'm gonna talk about dogs then, unfortunately.

No, talk about dogs. Talk about dogs. I've not— I can't—

I mean, I want to know where you're bashing people.

I'm not really bashed anybody. It's more drivers than customers. Yeah, about because of no beds. Yeah, I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I'm better than most.

Ian has a really, really bad case of road rage. Not anymore. Better nowadays, but his mate's bad. Yeah, he absolutely goes fucking nuclear.

Do you know what I think it is?

Slightly inconvenient, he goes nuclear.

I like politeness, so if someone doesn't wave— that down south is awful. No one waves. Yeah, no one waves. That I had to get accustomed to that quickly, otherwise that would have been bad. But I think it comes from riding motorbikes. Because obviously I've been through a car window. Vulnerability. Yeah, like people don't understand like how much you can get fucked up by them pulling out in front of you. Like your mate today, like you can get fucking ruined, can't you? You can. Went through a car window off your bike. Yeah, wow. Sorry for the car window. Yeah, yeah, fair enough.

Yeah, auto glass ain't doing nothing about that.

Patch you up. I bring out wind of me when they're going past if they don't find me. Even though they've got priority, I still expect a wave if I've stopped.

Yeah, yeah, I'm with you.

Yeah, I just think— I'm with you 100%.

I think it's just nice, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, thanks, man. You waved.

That's— I would like to have thought it was like a little old lady who has just recently been widowed and was praying to God— The one for— that you went through the window.

It wasn't an old lady.

—praying to God for a new man.

It wasn't old-ish.

And he delivered from the heavens straight through the fucking window.

Yeah, that's what you asked for. You know Hyde Park Corner? Yeah, it was there, right on the junction. Yeah, she like turned across me, T-boned me. I went through the window. I had X-Bird on the time on the back, made sure she was okay. She'd kind of pulled over a bit and then went to drive off again, but in my head it wasn't an old lady because I'd not seen her. I didn't have time to when I was looking through the window. I just kind of splattered like a cat. So have you come from Edinburgh?

You were on the busy road? I was coming from town, she was coming from— All right, okay.

Um, and I assumed it wasn't an old lady. I assumed it was like a takeaway driver or some shit because he was kind of a hatchback vehicle. I was like, he's gonna fuck off. So I ran, pulled the door open, cocked a fist, realized it was an old woman, and just went For fuck's sake. Oh, I know. Yeah, but I didn't feel sorry for her afterwards because as soon as her old fella came, she was like, oh, well, you must have been speeding. I was like, what? I was going faster than the speed of light, so you couldn't see my headlight? Absolute moron. Yeah, nice.

Good science.

Yeah. And then the standard cops turned up, they blamed me, and then the traffic cops turned up and were like, no, you can't be in the wrong even if you were speeding. She's T-boned the shit out of you. Yeah, yeah, fine, yeah, good. Good boys. Thank you. And they drove me to hospital on that. Quite nicely, right?

Do you ever watch the programme King of Queens? No. Oh yeah. The delivery driver? Yeah. Ever?

I believe that is UPS too, isn't it? Is it? I think it's a fake shop of UPS. Oh, is it? Yeah. Yeah, everything says UPS though.

Yeah. You should watch it.

Yeah, it's funny actually.

King of Queens. Yeah, it is quite good. Kevin James is in America.

Yeah, he's a, he's a funny guy. He's a funny guy.

Yeah, he's got a few seasons, so yeah, yeah, you go home now, you get a few episodes. Maybe find it highly relatable, or you could be like, oh, it's nothing like that. Do you know what I mean? It's like when we watch like, uh, Dogs Behaving Badly and we're like, no, it's not.

Without cravats on. Without what? Cravats on. What's he fucking wearing?

Cravats. Yeah, nice. Right, we'll wrap up the Scav Spot. Yes, we'll let you crack on and pick up your daughter because you've got an agenda to get through.

But thanks for being part of the podcast.

Yeah, to drink a beer, to drink 100 episodes, huh? Yeah, I think episode 1 was talking about puppies, and then episode 99 was R.

Kelly and sucking dick in prison.

Wow, it's been a journey. He is an honorable bastard, though.

Serial killer.

Yeah, but my God, he's got a voice of an angel. No, no, I know, he was a good singer though. You've got to stop. Also, Hitler was a good painter, which you can't actually take away. Terrible person, but my God, he could brandish a paintbrush.

You can't say that's not true.

It's not not true, but it's not not true.

We wrote an email, but the email went back. Yeah, exactly.

Terrible guy, but he could paint. Okay, and R. Kelly can sing. And there we have it. You have it. So there. All right, all right then, finish on R.

Kelly. Yeah. Oh, hello.

Thank you for coming on, Benno. Always a pleasure. I'll see you soon. Thanks, Benno. Probably twice in a day because we can't fucking get our shit together.

Mick. Mick. Is it Mick? Oh Christ, alive. Brilliant. Yeah, nice.

Enjoy the rest of your day, mate. See you later, mate. There you go. Yeah. That's funny.

That was interesting, wasn't it?

I can't believe we, we talked crap for so long and then he brought out the big guns of actually having any good stories.

No, I saw a dog once.

Thought about a dog. Thought about seeing a dog.

The two cameras on me.

Nice. Imagine if he turned up next week and went, "I got these two puppies." They're just like, "Oh, what have I done?" Oh, that'd be amazing. You knew I was joking, right?

I don't know. Right?

I don't know. It's quite irresponsible of you. There is a bit of that in there. Well, yeah, could be fine. It could be. But I wonder like what drives him when he says, oh, I really fancy one of them Belgian mayonnaise. Like, what, what's his drive? I don't know what's the underlying motivation there. Yeah, I don't know.

It's almost like people kind of think they come out like that. Yeah, but he kind of undermines the job we do in a way, isn't he?

Saying like he's trained and like does all this shit. I'm looking at you thinking, "Yeah, he's done a bit of that, eh?" Anyway. Yeah. I don't think so. Mm. I don't think I would ever have got one.

You found yours though. Mm. Or did he find you?

Maybe. And I certainly would not get rid of him. I absolutely love him to bits. Right, mate.

We've got a couple of bits to get through.

I'm in.

Yeah, well, I thought we'd— Couple of bits of cheesecake.

We've done 100 episodes. This is great. Yeah, Centenary.

Dad's also here as well, so maybe we could get him on.

Right here, here, right now, outside. I have never met him before. Oh, I've never met him. I'll meet him live on the podcast.

Yes, I met him. I'm trying to go get him outside. He's next to my— he's next to my truck over there. Apparently he's a big bald guy. Yes, he's coming up rugby tomorrow. Oh, mega. Yeah. Oh, fuck. You'll get, you'll get really shy, I think.

I think you will.

I don't know, it's funny, isn't it? Craig, of course. Craig, there you are.

Has he got a Mad Welsh accent?

Um, yeah, he's got a strong Cardiff accent. Yeah, brilliant. So he's just up for a couple of days, so it's probably fitting to get him on for the— yeah. Podcast. He actually watches the podcast too, I think. Yeah, amazing.

It's fitting, I think.

He says, oh, I watch your podcast. I watch you on YouTube all the time with Kirkie. You're well funny.

He kind of watched it. He's just being polite. Stand up. Do I need to salute?

I don't know.

I need to do something, don't I? I'm at least going to get up. Right, I've moved it again. We've got Dieback.

What do you mean? Come on. Hello. Come on. He doesn't want to, he's too shy. He's far too shy. Well, there you go, he's over there. There's one thing we definitely are is professional.

Did you watch any of the live last night? At one point the TV was going to turn off. I'm like, I don't know how to stop this.

So I just— 30-second warning.

So in 30 seconds you're going to lose me.

Did you go or did Maggie save your ass?

Susie came in, but it did go and then it came back, come back. So I was saved.

You wouldn't have gone, you would have just not been able to see that.

Yeah, which I thought was more weird.

It does feel weird. Yeah, it feels a bit violating. It does.

Yeah, all these people just looking at me, right? It's episode 100, like an animal in a zoo, like a cymbal-bashing monkey in a zoo.

So I wanted to go and I did some outreach to our compadres across the world. Did you? And I just asked Kelly and Brody and Chloe to give us their all-time favorite reviews from clients. Oh, okay. To commemorate the impact this podcast has had.

Yeah, the podcast. Yes, the podcast that did it. So I'm gonna read one from each, is that all right?

Yeah. Okay. Some real good ones here, but I guess it's a way to remind us of the essence. Yeah, fine.

I got a little bit deep about that on the live last night. I was like, did you, did you cry? Nah, but I could have. Okay. I just got a bit emotional.

I made you cry yesterday, didn't I? Actually picked on you too hard and you cried. No, I didn't. You did. That's not true.

It's not true.

I was close. South Coast K9 Academy has genuinely transformed our lives. Before coming here, we'd already spent thousands on training elsewhere, programs that promise results.

But ultimately, with a bit of, uh, fucking hell, you might as well fucking read it. No, but you might as well get AI to read it if you're gonna read it like that. Yeah, you know, I'm crying now. Yeah, it's not weeping. My lips going. It's some meaning behind this, isn't it? All right, they're genuinely emotional when they're writing this. Yes, right.

Okay, South Coast K9 Academy. Has genuinely transformed our lives. Before coming here, we'd already spent thousands on training elsewhere, programs that promised results but ultimately failed us and left our dog just as reactive and anxious as before. SCCA was the first place where eventually everything finally made sense. What sets them apart is their commitment to real-world training. We weren't only standing in hall— halls practicing theory, We were out in pubs, restaurants, and busy parks. We worked around off-leash dogs that weren't perfectly behaved, squirrels running past, everyday distractions. Exactly the things that used to overwhelm our dog. This made the training meaningful, practical, and immediately transferable to daily life. Crucially, the training wasn't just for our dog, it was for us as owners. We were taught how to communicate clearly, how to give our dog information she could actually understand, and how to let her make decisions rather than micromanaging. Every reaction. Before SCCA, walks were stressful and exhausting. We were constantly scanning for potential conflicts, hiding away from other dogs and bracing ourselves for confrontations. Like hanging around with you. When things went wrong, we'd come home feeling defeated, sad, and despite knowing she's a perfectly loving, gentle pet when she wasn't triggered, it felt like her world and ours was shrinking. The results were honestly astounding. If you told me before that within a week I'd extremely dog reactive girl would be neutral around other dogs and wildlife, I would have said it was impossible. Yet here we are. Walks are now calm, enjoyable, and fear-free. Her world has opened up, and so has ours. It's that line there, isn't it?

Yeah, that's a great line.

We're finally able to take her places she could never handle before, and I'm excited to give her as many new experiences as possible. She can enjoy the world now, and we can enjoy it with her. That's a good one. And then there's a picture that comes with this that we'll put up there. So, dog, is it— there is You'll know this guy, I think.

It's a dodo. Yeah, amazing. Yeah, yeah, Wayne and Dodo. Absolutely. Dodo?

Yeah, that's what she's called. Yeah. Um, this one's from the YCA. In April 2026, I attended a 5-day boot camp. My 2.5-year-old Belgian Malinois Shadow. Before finding YCA, our world had become incredibly small. Also similar dialogue.

Similar, yeah. You gotta be careful with that though.

Shadow had been attacked by two different dogs on two separate occasions when he was younger, which left him severely reactive. On walks, he would lunge and bark at other dogs to the point where he couldn't take him to any public place. We were restricted to walking him to quiet country roads, constantly on edge. The transformation after just 5 days at YCA is nothing short of a miracle. To give you an idea of how effective this training is, on Friday afternoon, the final day of boot camp, we were all sat in the pub together with 17 reactive dogs. It's not a lie when the YCA tells you they'll have you all in a pub on a Friday. I've attached a photo here to prove it. Seeing 17 dogs who used to struggle just being near each other or relaxing together in a busy environment was unbelievable. Since, since completing the boot camp, we have been able— this is a couple of months after he's completed the boot camp. Yeah, nice. We have been able to take Shadow everywhere with us. He's experiencing a completely different life now. Unbelievably, we're able to have him off leash a lot of the time. Shadow is significantly more relaxed, confident, and seems so much more fulfilled. Um, and there's a thank you to YCA with another piggy. Nice. And then I got one, um, from Adam as well. Uh, we've just completed the 5-day boot camp with our 9-year-old German Shepherd, Kovu, and I can say it was one of the best decisions we've ever made. Kovu had become increasingly reactive to other dogs over the last several years. It got to the point where he'd not been walked in over 2 years because of the anxiety and stress it caused for both him and us. Every walk felt like it had the potential to turn into a bad experience. So eventually we stopped altogether, like a lot of people probably do. I started to see the, I started to see the problems before I saw the dog. After spending time with the team at Perth K9 Academy, that's completely changed. Not only have they helped Kovu become a calmer, more confident dog, they've also helped repair the bond between us. I no longer come home and see him as a nuisance or another problem that needs to be managed. I come home to see my best mate, excited that I'm home and ready to play, train, and go on adventures together. Nice. What they've given us is so much more than obedience training. They've given the fundamentals and understanding to help Kovu live a more fulfilling and liberated life. They've given us confidence to be able to enjoy him again. Something that really stood out to me throughout the whole process is how much they care. It's not often you come across people or business that truly are Uh, changing people's lives for the better. That's exactly what these guys do. At no point did we feel like it was just another customer. The priority is you and your dog and getting the best outcome possible for both. Uh, to the whole team, thank you for the impact you've had on Kovu, our relationship, and our beautiful— and our relationship with him is something we'll always be grateful for.

Nice. I remember that guy too.

He's a big boy. He's a big unit.

Yeah, you would be too if you're not walking 2 years. Yeah, that's wild, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, crazy.

All right, there you go. Nice. Just thought I'd throw a bit of that in there so it doesn't just continue to talk about dicks. Yeah, yeah. We've also been sent some, uh, some like, I don't know, get well fucking messages, I think.

Get well soon. Are we dying? I think so. Maybe the podcast is dying. So, um, this is worrying though because it's my Mac. Yeah, I didn't.

Okay, I'll do it. You got it?

Yeah. All right, so what's this just going to play to?

Jacob, Kirky, here is your 100th episode of Cafe and Canine Podcasts. Super congratulations both from me and Barney. Barnaby, love you.

That was my mom, I believe. There they are. Oh, a canine carpet.

Matt and Michelle from the Fenn and Carpenter here, and Loki.

Congratulations on your 100th episode.

The fact it's lasted so long without being cancelled, I have no idea how, but just continue doing what you're doing, guys. Congrats.

Bye. Oh, nice. That's a fair point. Yeah, it is. Yeah.

Oh, what the fuck, man?

Congratulations on your 100th episode. That's my caffeine and canine roof.

That one was unusual. I wasn't expecting that one.

That's the lady who serves us in Hickory's. Yeah, she's good. That's funny. She looked after us today. She did. Congratulations on hitting 100 episodes of Caffeines and Canines. You love it. Yep. I feel like he was talking dirty to me there. You fucking love it, you fucking dirty bitch.

You like that, do you? I'm never going to look at him the fucking same though. Like, ooh, he's coming at me.

Whenever you're ready.

Congratulations on the 100th episode of the K9s Podcast. There's a bloke over there. You crammed a few of these, didn't you? Classic, we haven't—

Oh, the Schmutz! What's up? Yes, the boys. Hope you're good. Congratulations on your 100 episodes. Granted, I was in 85 of them. Favorite episode probably have to be the one that we three did in the treehouse in Australia. Oh, that was probably one will always stand out. And joking aside, appreciate you boys. Thank you for everything.

We're all on the next 100 episodes. Erling Haaland.

That was a good one in the bloody, um, treehouse, wasn't it?

Yeah, that was definitely like— it's still the best day of my life.

Oh God, what's this? Sniper. Hello, congratulations on episode 100 of Caffeine and Canines. Unfortunately, I have got all the outtakes on a memory stick and I'm requesting all of them to be sent to me as soon as possible. Yeah, that makes sense. Thank you. I can tell by the neck to those. Yeah, you can, yeah.

That's gotta be Chloe, innit?

No. No?

Do you know who it is? Poppy. It's Poppy Ping. Oh, that's Poppy! Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny. Why is he wearing a creepy robe? Hello, I'm just here in my dressing gown on a Friday night, and I've been informed that you've done over 100 episodes of Caffeine and Canines. I don't know anybody apart from myself who's willing to listen to you that much, but keep up the good work, and if you need any more bad shit stories, I'll help you out. Oh, it was like the highlights of all the Oh Christ alive!

Oh my God, what the hell are they?

Oh, congratulations, 100th episode of Caffeine and Canines. It's a fucking miracle you've not been cancelled.

Incredible, incredible toe dexterity. Oh, is that dirt? Or is it a tan line?

Is this another one, or is this—

he likes these. Oh, this is Benno.

Hello. Congratulations, boys, on your 100 episodes of Yorkshire K9 Academy and the caffeine and K9s.

He didn't—

he had no fucking idea.

Which is weird because he's watched it a whole bunch of times.

I don't know whether he has.

Same episode on repeat. Anything else?

You got 10. No, I don't. Come on, let's have a look. Just put that up here. That's my, uh, shotgun license. There you go. There, look.

Some sort of voice. Are you done with this now?

That's it.

Hopefully we'll close that down.

There you go. That was funny.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What else then? I don't know. There was some kind of dog-related bit anyway with the reviews, wasn't there?

Yeah, there was.

Yeah, so we're— I think we've moved that over. Yeah, you just moved over.

Don't give your dogs sweet corn. Well, don't. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So two boys ate corn on the cob yesterday or day before. Apparently can't be digested.

So yeah, let's go and get an X-ray. Remember Molly? Yep, she had a couple of times. It's horrible. Pooped it out or vomited it up. I think it doesn't just— I think, I think it goes down. I think that's one of the problems that create like a stuff.

It's small enough it can go through. Yeah, because it doesn't digest, it can— it's quite prone to cause a blockage. Yeah, horrible. But both boys have either shat it out or thrown it up and x-rayed, and they're all clear. So, blooming— be careful, barbecue season.

Hey, this is quite impressive, right? So I put it— I'm a grub— the chub roll thing of the raw food, I left it in the sink. Yeah, he somehow managed to get it out of the sink. Can you get that? Pretty much been very similar day to your boys. Vomited up though. Okay, since we're two-shedding, um, no, because you had two dogs.

So I took a dog bed to the cleaners once. Yep. Um, I didn't beat it up. No, not—

oh, that's awful. Funny though.

And, um, in the, in the process of them cleaning it, they broke it. They didn't tell me, which I don't care, it's a dog bed. Yeah, but they pinned it together with safety pins. Oh, so I put that in the crate and I come back and Stark had eaten 4 safety pins.

Why the fuck would they do that?

That's really bad. I take him to the vets and he gets x-rayed and they're like, no, he's fine, there's nothing in him. Like, they're metal, they'd come up. Yeah, all good. 2 days later, he shits out 4 open safety pins.

I, in my head, his gut has opened them up for him. Or for him, they probably went in shut and he's opened them up. Yeah, yeah, he's just like Boom.

Blue. Come on, he always does this. Just let me have it, mate. You cannot jump in always. No, go on. This is the shit stick story, the kebab stick story.

Yeah, go on. Yeah, he— we know them shish kebab-y things that you barbecue. Yeah, get unwrapping some of them in the kitchen, drop one. He's fast, he grabs it, eats it, swallows it. I'm like, fuck, because the thing's about that long, like more than a decent pecker. Hard. 2 to 3 peckers. 2 to 3 peckers, Lynx. So obviously I'm like, fucking hell, what do I do? So I got him to the vets, probably to the vets within 20 minutes. I'm like, right, this is what happened, this is what happened. So like, right, okay, we'll put him under, we'll x-ray him. They x-ray him, they can't see it. I'm like, fuck, what now? Okay, we'll have to slice him open and find where it is by like whatever it is, just feeling around in the gut and stuff. Like, well, fuck it, all right, whatever you've got to do. Obviously I want to— the the best for him. Went back later on, obviously he looks ropey as fuck. I'm like, all right, have you got it then? They're like, no, we couldn't find it. And I said, well, well, where is it then? What's your best guess of where it is?

So they just cut him open?

Yeah. And they couldn't find it? They couldn't find it. So they've actually cut him open, gone in his insides, open surgery as well, not like heel, like a big fucking, um, prodded around his internal organs? Yeah, literally like feet trying to feel where it is. I'm like, this is wild. So I was like, well, what's your best guess as to where it is then? And the vet looked at me in the eye and went, oh, it's probably on your kitchen floor. You can imagine.

Yeah, I can imagine.

Yeah, it was like one of them cartoons with fucking steam coming out my ears, isn't it? Yeah, I was just like, no. We left, thought, right, I don't know, fucking, there's nothing else we can do. He's been to the vet, he's been whipped open, they couldn't find it, right? 3 weeks later, he shits it out. You've never— I think I've got a video of this, of how excited I was. I'll try and find it. Yeah, about how excited I was at this. And it came out whole but with like shit on it. It was almost like a shit kebab. Yeah, but I was so excited to see it come out of it. And obviously from a health perspective, but like how that's gone round corners, corners.

It's like trying to get a bus around a shop.

Yeah, because I've seen stories where like things have come out of the dog, you know, like Oh God, yeah, no, mental. So very lucky, but also that was very lucky. He's very lucky that day. Yeah.

Did you go back to that vet or no?

Uh, short— left shortly after.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. We got anything coming up, looking forward to, or going to California soon?

Yeah, what day is that? You've got a truck on order, I heard. I have got— have you seen it? No. Good. Can you show me or no? No.

Oh, come on. Um, yeah, okay. That didn't take much convincing.

You couldn't imagine how excited I was. I didn't even know if like Sam was going to come through on this, but she comes through on most things, to be fair, doesn't she? Yeah. I sent her me shooting a gun as well. Oh look, which one?

Oh nice, 6-seater. 3 in the front, 3 in the back, or 2 in the front? I think 3, 3.

Yeah, they probably have a 3-bench seat. That's exciting, isn't it? Yeah, amazing. We'll get— we can probably ping that.

Yeah, we can ping that up.

So a massive truck fan.

I thought we were getting double Mustangs. I know. Yeah, to be fair, we could just drive. Oh yeah, let's do that as well. Okay, yeah, message.

That's like the communal— all right, we've got to go somewhere official vehicle. Or even though it's cool as shit though, and then we'll get, um, Mustangs, a pair of them, one black, one yellow. We'll call them Mustang and Sally. Yeah, nice. And do the weavy thing through traffic. The other thing with the— Sue's allowed to do this, we'll have to video like from front on and when you split, but it won't be as cool because only two, you know, when they come out from the sides.

You've seen Talladega Nights?

Yeah, shake and bake the slingshot. Yeah, we'll slingshot it. It could be the way we go. Yeah, could be the worst ways to go. Yeah, miles worse ways.

That Paul Walker. Yeah, wrapped his Porsche around a tree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was a pedo and all. No, he wasn't. His girlfriend was like 16 when he was like 34. Honestly, near enough.

Is that like near enough?

Well, right, I'll have to check.

You will have to check. I mean, didn't I tell you?

You did, yeah. Did you tell me on the podcast or you just told me? How old was Paul Walker's girlfriend?

Go on then, what's it saying? 38.

She was 23 when he died, but they had been dating for 7 years, which means she was around 16 when the relationship began. Does maths work out? And he was 33. No, he's 40 when he died. He was 33 when they started dating.

That is a bit close, to be fair, isn't it?

Bit close for comfort, isn't it, guys? Yeah, especially in America, the legal age of consent is actually 16— is 18. So there you go.

So you can only hope that for 2 years he put it off.

Yeah, you're not dating Paul Walker and not ripping in though, are you? No matter how old you are.

He was fit, wasn't he?

Yeah, great sword. Great sword.

Yeah, yeah, I didn't know that.

That's kind of puts a dampener on things, puts a little bit of a dampener on the old Fast and Furious series. See, right, yeah, I've actually never seen one. Never one? No.

The earlier ones were all right, they got a bit wacky in the end, but it was more like, uh, didn't they like go to outer space in one? It's something like that, yeah, definitely. And there's just some like Like as Aquaman or—

No. All right, no, fair enough. I think The Rock's been in a few. Yeah, he's been in a few.

Yeah, I believe he's called Hobbs in there. I think he's got a dog called Hobbs, or he did have, did he? Is that right? Fact check that.

Yeah, they were giving him a bit of a grinch for, um, naming his dogs. They was calling him a narcissist for naming his dogs after his own characters. That's just—

yeah, it's like even your number plate with your dog's name on.

Yeah. Yeah, no, that's to do with my dog.

Stark. Stark's such a narcissist. Yeah, fucking—

what's green and smells like bacon? I don't know. Kermit's fingers.

Is that the joke I was supposed to ask you?

Yeah, brilliant. Yeah, yeah, brilliant.

Did you say that because Susie walks off and you wouldn't get looked at?

Yeah, nothing. No. Um, Cesar Milan was on the Huberman podcast. Did you see that? No, I didn't.

Recently? Yeah. Oh cool, like last week.

Have you listened? I've listened to a little bit. It's very like spiritual and, and a bit woo-woo, but energy guy. Yeah, I kind of like it.

Yeah, it's not, not true though, is it? No. Um, someone on a, on a Discovery call the other day were like, oh, like dog trainers give off like a vibe. And whenever I— because they were talking about day training and like, oh, we don't fucking do that. And they were like, oh good, because whenever a dog trainer takes the lead, the dog's just fucking fine because they're giving off certain energy. And I don't— I do believe in that, like a certain calm, a certain presence, a certain confidence of like, oh, if something does go wrong, I'll fucking fix it. There you are. So it was, it was like a compliment to the type of service we use, but a bit off the back of that, like, yeah, okay, well, submissive karma.

I'd like to listen to him again now. I'm in a different mindset. Okay, I understand. Might be into it, don't know. I mean, you can, but that's big time though, isn't it? Whatever is— doesn't matter. All these dog trainers, they'll never be Cesar Millan, will they?

No, like, you can't— no matter what you think of how he does anything, look how many fucking dogs he's got.

50 dogs running around the ranch.

Yeah, and I think, like, we spoke about this before, but I don't know how much training it is, like, for them to do stuff. No, fuck me, can he facilitate a few dogs together? With a spidey suit.

Yeah, fine. Some of these dog trainers can't even have their own two dogs in the living room together. I mean, it's true, it's true, it's true. A bit in it. Yeah, they come in and their dog's hoofing off everything. Yeah, and, uh, our Lord and Savior Caesar, I believe he invented dogs. I think we actually got a lot to thank for him. Yeah, fair enough. He brought dog training to the— yeah, he did. Do you know what I mean? He brought it to telly. Yeah, he did. People, you know, maybe made our job easier.

Can be trained. Like, someone— you can do something. Yeah, whether he's right or wrong, something can be done.

How many times has someone said to you, oh, like Cesar Millan, when you say what you do? Yeah, everyone knows him. Yeah, everyone knows him. He's on South Park, mate.

He doesn't look like he— other than going like whiter hair, he doesn't look like he ages. No, I don't think he does.

I think, yeah, I think he's up there. He's— I think he is super religious. He's Mexican, I think.

Yeah, teeth are great as well, aren't they?

Yeah, they're really white.

Yeah, you get a picture of him up here. César.

Yeah, I know a few people that have met him and said he's a sound guy.

Yeah, I don't— yeah, don't doubt it. Well, although I thought, you know, Paul Walker, but he's slightly staying to me now. I don't know, like, what—

anything else you want to cover on the 100th episode, Ian? We want to thank anyone? No, no, just ourselves, basically.

Yeah, just give each other a good old pat on the back, I guess.

Yeah, these come from somewhere without us.

Where do these come from? The mics.

I'd like to thank Shure. Yeah, yeah, producing microphones. Uh, I can't think of anyone else. Same. No, trying as well.

No one.

Poppy, mainly Poppy. Yeah, she's good at the thingy.

Yeah. Anyone else? Young man, maybe. Yeah. Anyone else at all? Anyone? You can let us know in the comments if you feel like anyone else needs a thank you. What are you— come on here, come on.

Yeah, come on, Sue.

Oh no, come on. What does that mean? She's— we've worked her so hard that she's gone blind, basically.

You got poorly from the mascara? Oh, I got the chalazion, or whatever it was called, didn't I?

I got one manky eye and it sliced open and I got black eye, and then now I've too scared to wear this mascara, and it's— why am I doing this?

Who am I? I don't know. This is Suzanne. Hello. Hello, our creative director. Yeah, stop being odd for once.

I can't help it, I'm Ranger. I just sit in the corner like an awkward— yeah, he does do that.

He kind of gets away with it though.

Do I not? Are you a similar hair color? Yeah, it's fine. I'm just ranging.

Present for 100% of podcasts.

Must have been. Not number one. Not number one. And a couple when I've been away, gallivanting.

Oh, I love that one.

Fuck off, that's it.

See you in two episodes.

Um, for now, how's it been from the other side of the camera? Lovely. Lots of giggles. Yeah, you do get too much, don't you?

Yeah, it kind of hurts, and then I get a bit tired, and then it's good job it's the end of the day.

You got red a couple of times. I do get a bit red.

It's weird seeing Father Morgan.

No, never. Me neither. No, no one really has.

It's really exciting. No one really has. No one was even in a story existing.

It's been so long since you've been to Cardiff that they've had to come here.

I know, I haven't been in years. So long. You were in Cardiff. Yeah, I've been twice. Yeah, yeah, she went to see P.

Diddy concert and R.

Kelly, and before that.

Yeah, I did actually really like that song, the R. Kelly song. Yes. Banger. What do you mean like? You can't— listen, yeah, listen, let me make a point here. Your music taste doesn't change. You can't help whether you like a song or not, right? No. You know, it's just like you had a decent chocolate cake and then you realized fucking Hitler made it. Yeah. Or, um, Colonel Gaddafi made it, and you're like, well, bad bloke, but decent cake. Yeah.

Oh, like Right? Well— It's been a pleasure!

Yeah, it really has. 100%.

It's been lovely. I hope it continues.

It might do. Maybe not after the last one.

We're gonna have to pray for good editing that we'll be here for another few at least.

'Cause everyone needs to see Kelly's feet because that was probably my favourite video ever.

Oh, don't say this...

Can I show you again?

No no no no no, it genuinely upsets me like it turns my stomach. Fucking really spoiled the cheesecake for me. Like bugs in Australia. Your feet are better. I would genuinely rather put your feet in my mouth than—

I don't have good feet. No, no, terrible feet.

But those are— no, it's upset me.

They're almost like chicken's feet. I know.

I'd rather— if you've got any videos of like cats being murdered or something, because that would be easier on the stomach and eyes than those fucking feet.

I loved it so much.

Aww.

Whose idea was that? Oh, she did too. All right, she the original. What is she doing? Stretching.

Are you recording? You're going to have to play this.

This is your 100th episode of Caffeine and Canines. It's an absolute fucking miracle that you've made it this far without getting cancelled. Good luck.

Then no feet. No, that is horrendous. Genuinely, they look like some sort of, you know, like of an advert, like where it's like Oxfam or something. Yeah. And it's like, oh, this person has to walk across a fucking barren fucking wasteland just to collect a fucking pint of water from a—

Have you seen the movie Tremors? It's like an old one. Yeah. If they had feet, those would be the feet.

Oh, I love it. It's just like the witchy—

It's very rank.

It's kind of lovely though.

They're so haggard. That's not lovely. No. She's obviously—

she's worked hard since opening SCCA.

Parsnips. They've got worse since the last time I saw them.

Yeah, she's training so many dogs. Battered, battered.

Feet like parsnips with an abusive husband. Abusive character. Parsnips have an abusive husband. Right, anything to sign us out with, Suz?

No, just give us some advice.

Thanks for your service.

Thank you for the giggles.

Badge for you.

Bugle.

I've done many standings. You stood a lot.

I don't know why you just don't get a chair.

I feel like a full chair. Yeah, and one of them things that would be weak.

I don't want to be weak. Oh, chairs are weak. Stand. Although I've got a bad knee at the moment. I've got a t-bone.

Don't talk to her about bad knees.

IT band, which I was gonna buy from Amazon, but it turns out it's inside my body.

Oh, your IT band is inside your body.

There you go.

Boy, well, that was—

you were gonna buy one?

No, Michael said it might be an IT band or something. I was like, oh, that's going on Amazon, like, to get an IT band. I thought it was that tape. Ah, no, it's an actual— what is it?

Is it a muscle or—

no, it's like a big piece of fucking fascia. Yeah, but it's like your psoas. Yeah, uh, what's a psoas?

Psoas is a muscle. Shut the fuck up, man. I don't know what I'm on about either.

There we go, we'll go buy SMIT bands together.

You get buy one, get one free. Yeah, get a new one. Okay. We got emailed by Penguin today to write a book. Oh, there's something to announce.

Yeah. We've got a book.

There'll be a book.

We'll announce it. Alright. We're gonna formally announce it. We've had— 100% interest. They've shown us the slightest bit of interest. We're gonna take it with two hands. We're now crazy authors. We are now mad authors. You are mad authors.

Penguin is awesome.

We're gonna write a book and it's gonna be the number one seller on Amazon.

Yeah, Penguin's like probably the only one I've heard of. Yes, they are.

Like, if you were going to say name a publisher right now, I don't know whether it's because we like birds though, but Penguin would be the one in the front of my mind.

You're not afraid of birds, are you? But you'd still know Penguin? I like birds. Ravens can talk. Can they, can they? Better than most birds, apparently better than parrots.

Better than me. Better than you, yeah, maybe.

She's a bird. I am a bird. No, you can't say that, you're getting shot down.

I am a bird.

Pops, any message for Pops? Thanks, Poopy.

Thanks, Poopy, with your crazy robot head. Yeah, crazy vocals.

Come visit soon, Poopy.

We'll wrap it up. Turn it off then. How's the dog getting on? Very well.

Oh God, reactive? Fine. No, she's good. Yeah, she gets a bit frosty on the lead, obviously, but fine. She's a little bit frosty.

She's a little bit frosty. Frosty and frosty.

She's a good girl.

Perhaps she probably needs a bit of GRZ in that.

Is she gonna do jazz?

She stopped it after a while because Merryn had a phantom, and then she was on season, and now she's back on season. I don't know.

There you are. Don't get pregnant, kids. Wrap it up. Keep wrapped up. Wrap it up. Stay wrapped up.

Timely.

Yeah, Merryn's great. She's cute. Yeah, she's good. She'll come visit soon. I keep telling her. Is she big now, or she's done this?

No, no, no. Fluffy penguin. Was it a miniature Aussie?

Gonna be, yeah, normalizing.

No, it's not gonna be me.

No. All right, all right. I know. Bye, Ian. Bye, Ian.

Bye.