EP 99: Are Our Dog Training Methods Cruel? Answering the Accusations

You hurt your thumb thumb? Yeah, you did.

Dislocated it, didn't I?

Oh, you did.

Yeah, did.

Still giving you some grief?

Yes, poorly.

Is it— does it affect your Xbox play? No, not at all.

Unlock your iPhone first. Fuck off, you son of a fucking bitch. Motherfucker.

Silly old shit.

You silly, silly fuck off.

We're sipping on our Lipton iced teas, peach iced tea.

Today's podcast is sponsored by Lipton iced tea, coming in your mouth.

Not to be sold as part of them— oh, not only to be sold as part of them. Yeah, fair enough.

Don't sell them individually.

No, but you can give them away.

Shout out to our actual sponsors, 2211 VIP, the canine car peeing terror.

Oh yeah, we've not done a poddy since I met that guy.

No, we've not done body since Men T weekend.

No, yeah, nice vlog. Yeah, no, in fact we haven't, have we?

He's chiseled our dicks.

Yeah, that sounds so weird, but he did. Good weekend, by the way.

It was a good weekend. Slim Shady showed up.

He did, obviously.

We'll throw a video in here.

Sean showed up.

Sean showed up. He might be— yeah, you know, he might join us in a bit.

No, no, he's off. He's fucked off.

Loves talking.

Loves it all. No, it was a mega weekend though.

It was good.

Some good people, a real good vibe.

It was good. Yeah, good car park racing as well. We all decided to race each other in the car park. Great food. Phenomenal food. Shout out to all the vendors that rocked up. Yeah, I feel like we should just get them back, except for the pizza guy. Great pizza, but I didn't have one. You couldn't have, took too long.

Yeah, but that was what—

that was probably 50 pizzas in a single small single dollar pizza oven.

Hey, to be fair though, I think fucking Stephen, that was one of the highlights of my weekend because remember when everyone was waiting for the pizzas, it was raining and we needed to pick the spirits up and you and I were just fucking bartending the show. We were scuttling back and forwards like a pair of trains. You did twice, I think. Yeah, which was amazing. That went down well. Yeah, yeah, maybe. Yeah, well, yeah, potential ping.

I got quite loose and then everyone the next day was like, oh, you must be really hungover. And I was like, no, I didn't drink.

Oh yeah, I'm just a loose I just don't know you. Yeah, that was funny as well.

I got staged, guys.

He's drinking and I was like, yeah, he could be, but I don't think so.

To be fair, I had a shandy. I had a shandy.

Oh no, we're even then.

Yeah, we are even. I only had a shandy because you had one in tow or something. Yeah, and then I was on alcohol-free daiquiris, which are just pints of sugar.

So you just hopped up on very colorful drinks.

Yeah, I was like, just get me anything that's just—

you made up for a lack of alcohol content in E-numbers.

Yes, yeah, I was just on the blue spiciness.

Fair enough.

So yeah, well, yeah, it was a good weekend, to be fair.

Last weekend, anything else happened? Um, I went down to see R. Kelly.

Not, not—

no, because that would get me in trouble.

But my body, my body. He did some bad shit.

He did.

And I think we should get Kelly to sing that at some point.

Yeah, yeah, because it's a good song.

It's a great song. I don't know if you're allowed to say that anymore.

Are we allowed to enjoy it?

I don't know.

25 years for being a nonce, I think. Decent stint, decent leg. Yeah, no, no, it's a good song.

It is a good song.

He's actually done his time too.

Has he finished it now?

Yeah, he's done 25 years. No, I don't think so. Let's see how long he's got left.

Parole or something?

No, no, he's still in. Oh, he's still in. There's actually a really good video of him in, in, in prison singing his song, and all the boys were like, again, maybe not appropriate, but you know, we're in prison. Singing in jail.

Everyone in there has done something to get in there inappropriately.

So Kelly singing for his jailmates.

My mind's telling me no, but my body, my body's telling me yes, baby. I've got goosebumps. It's not bad at all.

Yeah, that's good. Let's read the comments. I have to admit, his voice is phenomenal. They're watching there, bro. Still has the voice. Oh shit, that's amazing. Everyone's loving him. Not good though, because he did some like really bad shit, I think. So yeah, we, we won't celebrate him, but you can't deny that was some decent vocal range.

Yeah.

How did we get here?

Uh, oh, I said I'm going— I'm going— I went down to see R. Kelly.

Oh, okay.

Like, our Kelly.

How long has R. Kelly got left? As of now he's in till 2045.

That sounds like a long way off. That's nearly 20 years.

19 years. He's got 19 and a half left. Yes, he's serving an effective 31 years. Yeah, now he did some real bad shit. He did some real bad shit. Yeah, so, yeah, so maybe, maybe we don't No, yeah, he's playing basketball with the boys.

Yeah, I don't know if there's any lessons being learned here. There's any lessons being learned there. He's having the best time ever, a big smile on his face. Oh, it doesn't look like the—

there's a few of these videos, the brutal images that you imagine. Oh, he's right, he's still just—

he's literally in the middle of it. That's crazy. DJ like stand. It's also unusual they've got mobile phones to video it.

Someone said I've not been to prison, but I know enough about it that this is probably not the song you should sing to your cellmates. All the lyrics are the exact reason why you ended up in there. Bro, there's no way he's singing that in prison. Okay, okay, we'll move on from that.

What were we talking about? Went down to see Kelly, did the first 3 days of the boot camp. That was good. She's doing a grand little job down there, like busy little fucking bee that she is.

She's coming up tomorrow, isn't she?

She is, yeah. Today she's got a week off, she's coming here.

Yeah, good.

In a week off, come and hang out with us. Yeah, so that'd be cool. Um, I got some funny stories I want to tell. One of them, is she gonna come on the podcast, put it on the cast next week? I don't know, it'd be funny if she was there to tell the Brandy story.

All right, we'll save it then.

Yeah, I did get chased by a head of fucking bulls though.

You did, didn't you?

That was funny.

It's because you got Musk.

So like, they've changed the livestock worrying rules, right? So if your dog even like sniffs a fucking sheep and it gets worried, step it. Like, I think I'm probably going to shoot your dog. Something I don't fucking know. But, but what about the context of them worrying the shit out of me? Because like, you're a big boy, you're fine. Yeah, but there was like 20 Alright. Do you know what I mean though?

Yeah.

So I'm walking through a field, fine, and I'm looking around, 'cause I have a bit of awareness. I'm like, alright, I've obviously got two dogs with me, I need to make sure that nothing's gonna happen. Fine, get to another gate, look through the field, can't see anything, fine. Start walking through that field, start seeing fresh cow shit, so I'm like, there's signs here.

The Bear Grylls going off in you.

Yeah, my spidey sense is telling me something's been around here recently. My Bear Grylls is tingling. I can still catch—

Rat piss.

Yeah, so I sniffed it, tasted it a bit. Rah, rah, rah. It's only maybe 28 minutes old.

Yeah, nice, okay. Good knowledge.

But I can't see him anyway. And there's a hedgerow down the side, I'm looking around the field, and the footpath goes there, and there's a stile. I'm like, brilliant.

Footpath.

It's maybe 80 meters away. No problem.

Okay.

Start tickling over there with the bag in the bumble. Get to the stile, or maybe 30 meters from the stile, and then underneath the fucking branches of the— the hedgerow that is next to the stile, there's like 20 bulls, small bulls, guaranteed. They're not these big— they're not adult males yet, they're just teenagers. Yeah, a bit like him.

Yeah, fair enough.

Yeah, prepubescent bulls.

So I'm like, oh, that's not great. So I, I take a sharp left up the field to create distance. They go, ah, we're going to close that distance, and they all stand up at the same time, start running at us. No, I've got the bag and Bumble, I'm just like, come on, boys, nice, that straight finger in it. So I like led him up the field, then back down by the hedgerow. I had to throw Bumble over the stile because he was just like, well, I'm fucking— am I getting over there? I've got tiny legs. Had to throw him over, but it was like a road the next side, so I was sweating. So then on the way, in the way in the van, I'm like, it's all very well saying, all right, your dog's not allowed to worry those bulls But what about us?

What about us? What about all the things we used to be?

Do you know what I mean, though?

I know exactly what you mean.

Like, how many dogs have killed bulls? I bet none. How many bulls have killed dogs? I bet there's a bunch. I felt like I could have got trampled. That's how I felt.

Not a bad way to go.

No, not the worst, but— Like Mufasa.

Like Mufasa. It was wildebeest, though, but yeah.

Can I? Well, the similarities, I suppose.

Nope. They're of a different subspecies altogether.

They have hooves.

Alright.

Fine now. Yeah, fair enough. They have hair and hooves. Then went to a seminar, met some more right people there. The mud nut came down for a bit.

Made some friends. Yeah, did make some.

I spoke to people. It was wild.

Did you?

Yeah.

Kels, go to that.

Oh no. No, she was going—

she knows everything now, doesn't she? Yeah, she's—

yeah, um, but it was pretty good. Jay Jack speaks well. I think, I think he, I think he'd like to hang around with us.

You reckon?

Maybe it's me who'd like to hang around with him. I think he's got some good tales and he just doesn't talk like wet.

I like a story.

Yeah, he's got some good ones. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, so it'd be funny.

I got so pissed once I got up in the middle of the night, pissed in my wardrobe thinking it's a toilet.

Yeah. Then Mitch has done that.

I used to get up and turn at the end of the bed and then piss on my bed as well. 25 years old, pissing the bed. And that's why I stopped drinking and stick to this refreshing Lipton iced tea. It comes in multiple flavors.

I was gonna say, when's the last time you drank? It was 2 weeks ago. Nah, no, you counted my shandy.

No, I didn't.

You did.

Other people did.

Oh.

I'm pretty sure you did.

I'm pretty sure you've broken your—

Yes, but now that I've done it myself, I'm gonna go back on my word, okay?

There's a bit of that going on around here these days.

Yeah, there is.

There's a bit of that going on around here.

It's contagious apparently.

Yeah. As long as it suits your own agenda, we'll shift our fucking morals and that. You bunch of cunts.

I've got a podcast topic today, mate.

Do you? Yeah.

Did you know Suzanne, who runs this podcast, keen swinger?

Oh really?

Did you know?

No.

Her and Josh, they're into all sorts.

Makes sense. There's been signs.

There has been signs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Ah, okay. Yeah, fine. Yeah. Any Airbnbs involved with it?

What?

No, no, no, fair enough.

Tell that story.

Which story?

The story of you cuckolding someone.

No, I'm only gonna tell you if it happens.

You're thinking about it? It's on the cards.

Yeah.

Is he gonna be tied to the chair or under the bed?

I don't know, I think I made that bit up.

I don't think you have, mate. I don't think you have. Trust me, I, I'm, I'm one to square it off.

It would be funny if it actually Yeah, he's into it. Yeah, right, fair enough. It'd be funnier though, wouldn't it?

Kirkie's gonna be a bull.

Got attacked by bulls, became one.

Yeah, like Spider-Man.

Yeah, it tasted like a bull shit. No, you fuck people's wives. What's your, um, doing tiramisu today?

No, Sean did one the other day, it was really good. You missed it. 'Cause you were fucking gallivanting down south.

Oh, there's not gonna be much left of this guest, is there? Beep beep beep beep! Left. That was it. Do you have an actual topic for the podcast?

Yeah, um— It was because we solve dogs problems in 5 days people presume which one them.

Oh yeah, well that was topical because obviously when I was being my social butterfly self in the JJ seminar I did speak to a lot of people. Yeah, and they were like, oh, you're not actually a big brutal man as I thought you would be. Yeah, no, I was like, no, why did you—

yeah, it's actually annoying at times. But anyway, go on. No, you're just a bit— yeah, gentle.

Go on.

See what I mean? Just proving my point.

No, big sensitive. Just waiting to see here where it goes. I'm just waiting. Where's it going?

Gentle, he's just a big gentle giant.

Yeah, I'd like to think so.

Yeah, yeah, there you are.

Yeah, yeah, it's your point.

Well, it's taking you 18 months to break up with your missus. That's one point.

No. Yeah, yeah, no, it's taken me more than 18 months to, to remove my misses. There's a very key logistical difference.

Oh yeah, I guess you have broken up, but it doesn't really count if you're still living in the same—

No, I get— I see your point.

All right, there you are.

What? Fuck you.

Carry on, Chelios.

Yeah, so I spoke to a few people and obviously they were like, oh, you do fucking boot camps and that, don't you? And you're fucking like killing it and getting results right quick. And the interesting part was the people that actually knew dogs even commented and said they'd been told by people that we must be smashing dogs, but they're like, but I've seen the dogs at the end of the week and they're not flat shit dogs, like, so you're clearly not doing that. And I was like, nah, there's a lot more to it than that. Like, if you imagine how many like micro sessions we do in the day, if you spread that out, you know, like when we used to do one-to-ones.

Yep.

How much time of the one to the hour one-to-one was effective productive dog training?

10 minutes. Yeah, maybe.

So if you do one, one hour of one-to-one weekly for fucking 6 weeks, you don't even scratch what we do in a 5-day boot camp.

Yeah, you're not even doing a half hour of productivity. Yeah, straight up.

Yeah.

So further to that, I think the gap between those one-to-one sessions, the time for regression, not progression.

100%. Yeah.

And so when you condense those gaps, this is what I say to my mentees, a 8 8-session program over 4 weeks is better than an 8-session program over 8 weeks because of course frequent course correction is super important.

Yeah.

And you're expecting everyone just to go out there and absolutely kill their homework. They're not dog trainers, so they don't.

Yep.

And, um, yeah, it's like an exponential curve as well.

It's not like a linear, all right, if you condense it to half the time, it's twice as good. It's more than twice as good. Yeah, 100% it is.

And to compound that as well, people actually— there's some sort of study on this— people actually learn more from observing other people's, uh, success and failures.

Yeah, of course. Yeah.

And people, I think, take a lot away from watching 3, 4, 5 people.

Yeah.

Get something right or wrong just before them, and then when it's their turn, maybe even 14. Or maybe even 14. We typically split them though, don't we?

Yeah, usually. But yeah, at some point they're all together and they'll observe everyone. Yeah.

So I think— and people often comment on how much they take away from that. Yeah, yeah. Your key, your key point is like actual quality repetitions.

Yes.

Over that time period.

Yeah, yeah. And then the other part of it is the access to the number— like, obviously loads of my dogs reactive, right? So the number of staff studios we've got the first 2 days, back end of the second day we can use their own other dogs on the boot camp. So by the time we come to go on the first off-site visit, we could have shown them 20 dogs.

Yeah, a lot of these dogs will have seen more dogs in this week than they have done in their life, or like definitely the last however long they've been reactive.

Yeah, particularly if they're in the 5 AM club and all that jazz.

Classic 5 AM club. Yeah, closing well and such.

So there's a lot of things that point the boot camp in the right direction.

And you don't need, um, weeks of conditioning on an e-collar either, turns out. No, amazingly, turns out, turns out most dogs, if not all dogs, can get it in just a few days. Who fed us that shite? Who's fed all the dog trainers this shite?

But what's their working level though?

How about your silent recall, mate? How about I press the button and it comes back? Huh?

Well done. Yeah, that's good.

Who fed us that? Like, where does that come from? Where's that? It's propaganda at this point, isn't it?

Yeah, it's a myth.

It's an old wives' tale at this point.

Yeah, there needs to be a teaching phase, but it doesn't have to be weeks on end. In fact, if anything, I think it's harmful if it is weeks on end. Yeah, you fuck it.

A lot of desensitization.

Yeah.

Another point I make about the boot camp, because if you leave the dog's proof, the owner doesn't need to be apt at every— at the teaching phase of the e-collar, which is arguably the hardest bit. They've just got to understand by the end. I say come, if they come, great, which they're going to do because they're proofed.

Yeah.

And if not, I press this button with a preset level.

Yep.

So people are like, oh, isn't it— oh, you're letting owners use an e-collar after 5 days? And it's like, yes, they're not idiots, they drive a car. You give them a 1-ton piece of metal and let them drive at 90 miles an hour down the road. Yeah, stop insulting people's intelligence. Yeah, I think it's because dog trainers are fucking idiots, but whatever. Yeah, but, but yeah, I don't think it's all of their faults though. Who?

Dog trainers being idiots?

Yeah, no, it's the, it's the people at the top. They fed them a load of shite propaganda to try and sound clever.

Wafflegander.

Yeah, nothing but to stroke their own intellectual ego. Yeah, I think trying to overcomplicate it, gatekeep simple dog training and effective dog training.

That's the problem, people aren't willing to share readily enough. Keep it behind gates, don't they? Yeah, dude, it was interesting. There's the geezer there and he was like, oh, um, we'll tell you, just need a bit of cash first. Yeah, and it's not that much. Not something like your life savings. No, just want a little bit.

It's less than a fucking stamp duty on a house apparently, so that I can adopt that other dog. So you can adopt young pips, young people.

Yeah, I don't think it's their fault necessarily. It's just like gatekeeping. There's no great— um, oh, that's what I was saying.

And that's why they all have imposter syndrome because of— yeah, I think those at the like top that are listened to feed the imposter syndrome. So yeah, they keep their status, they segregate.

So one of the people who suggested to one of the, the people at the seminar that we were smashing dogs up and that's how the results happened so quick Someone at that seminar told me a story about, ironically, about that trainer actually smashing a dog up with no contingency. I'm just like, oh, fuck off, man. Like, you're literally just spreading shit now, you wet fucks. Yeah, it's just like, yeah, just like poisonous little fucking disease.

She is a poisonous shit, that one. Anyway, she's like the most poisonous shit in all the fucking industry, but I think everyone knows that who knows her.

So yeah, fair enough. Yeah, there was a dude there, I Um, talking about the IACP. Yeah, he was like trying to get like the Europe version bigger, better, whatever, which isn't a fucking shit idea. I remember, and he made a point about what Pat said, right? You might not agree entirely with what they're doing, but if you do nothing, you can't then piss and moan about nothing happening. So I do understand that.

Fair enough.

But he was like, he wanted to speak to you and I about maybe getting involved with it. Um, and I was just like, it's consideration, but after the shit show of the punishment thing with the fucking— I can't remember the guy, he's the fuck— he was the guy, one of the main bigwig guys in the American one. And basically you can't punish after the fact, it's got to be immediate, it's got to stop when the dog stops the behavior. And there's just a lot of shit that's wrong with it. And I'm like, I can't.

Yeah, unfortunately you can't fundamentally agree with it.

No. Like, I agree with the principle of the IACP. I don't necessarily agree with what they're saying though, so like something would have to fucking squeak on that, otherwise I don't know whether I could be associated with them.

I don't know, hang around with any more dog trainers, to be honest.

No, I know. Yeah, but like, only from the standpoint of like, right, okay, if the— if there's a decent body that says we'll help protect the use of e-collars. Yeah, it might be. My big thing is always e-collars. It's my favorite tool. I think it's the tool with the probably the broadest application. You can use it for fulfillment and all sorts of shit. It's the— it's an amazing thing. I'm not passionate about it.

I really am, mate. Took all our dogs around today, didn't we? All off lead, they had a great time, didn't they?

I mean, I didn't tuck dry, did you? Um, I don't think you did.

No, I wouldn't have done. I usually forget it.

Yeah.

Yeah, or it's not charged.

Yeah, yeah, it's usually the case.

But I didn't— don't touch mine. He was just happy with his little frisbee in his mush, just running around. When I got back from insurance—

when I got back from home visit, all the boot campers were outside, um, like down the— near the bungalow.

Oh yeah.

And obviously my dogs are in there. I was like, oh, thankfully I left their e-collar on them in the front room so they won't be kicking off. And then I got out the car and They were kicking off. Yeah, yeah, but fuck.

Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, so, so yeah, we don't have to beat dogs up on boot camps.

No, that was, that was actually, that was actually the podcast topic name.

Yeah.

Um, do we beat up dogs? Question mark. No, you don't have to.

I think we should stream the full boot camp with a dog. Yeah, okay, I think we should just do it.

Just get a fucking— just one of the dogs at the boot camp and just stream the whole fucking thing. Be like, this is how we do it. There you go, full transparency. He's much happier now. Don't text people up anymore.

Tag some fuckers in as well.

We'll tag anyone you want.

You want to look at this motherfucker?

I think people are nasty to other people because they can't train a dog.

Yeah, but people just bitter fuckers, aren't they?

Yeah.

So I think we, um, get other dogs in for a boot camp.

Yep.

We stream it from the get-go. We stream each intro, and then in the chat, people vote for which dog they want to follow throughout the week.

Like, this could get crazy. Like the Hunger Games.

Yeah, I was gonna say, yeah, and if you can't train it by the end of the week to fully off-leash and happy dog, you have to get Zach George tattooed on your asshole. Okay, ZG each side of the anus. Shake on it.

Fair enough. There we are, look.

All right, so yeah, no, I don't think you, you need to absolutely smoke a dog to get results in a reasonable time frame. No, you don't. I think it's pretty straightforward. Yeah, I momentum is a critical player in that, in that instance.

Yeah, I agreed.

You know, everything's finally managed in that first couple, couple of days to 3 days to, to create that momentum and, yeah, and mitigate any mistakes happening and rehearsals of what we don't want happening. And then they're on after.

What now? Actual sense came out of you and it's just Weird.

Maybe episode 101, we'll go over to the local dogging spot. We're gonna walk through it and walk our dogs and see if we can bump into any doggers. 'Cause there is an actual, I don't think any dogging spot is official, like an official dogging spot.

No, but if there was gonna be, there's a What3words for that place, isn't there?

Yeah.

Yeah. Definitely a What3words for that.

It's the main dogging spot. Yeah, I don't actually know of any others but it's always so busy, it's always popping in it even during the day. No one's like— yeah, I think I don't like mostly during the day, in the night they're hardly there.

Oh, it's probably easier to see.

Yeah, last thing you want is a dick in your eye.

Ah!

What am I gonna do now?

iPad just gone. Yeah, but Because it's like woods, isn't it? So you'd be stumbling around the bushes.

It would be awful. Yeah, it'd be awful. Last thing you want to do is like be looking over your shoulder while you're sucking. Yeah, sucking someone off.

What was that? It's another Jacob. That's okay, it's just a secondary winner. I don't know.

God, I wonder if we'll make it to episode 100. I don't think so. We might not make it. No, we'll do it from inside federal prison.

Yeah, okay.

Got hair on your nose. I don't know whether it's like fucking attached again. No, that's not— it's just temporary one. See, bugging me, bugging me all podcast, that.

There you go. Yeah, dog hair or my hair?

Uh, yours. Not pubic anyway.

It's got to be— you gotta be careful where you leave that because there's DNA in it. So stop being envious of speedy results. Just because it's quick doesn't mean it's shit. Yeah, yeah, it's a bit like e-collars, isn't it? It's like, it's the quickest, most reliable way to get your dog off lead. Yeah, just because it's quick. You like when people say, oh, it's a quick fix though. Yeah, that's good, isn't it? Obviously I understand that you can't cut corners with shit, but if it's a good high efficacy quick fix, that makes a lot of sense.

Yep. Especially how much rehearsal comes into play. Yeah, you know, you know, you know, it's a dog there.

It is okay. It's a good one though, isn't it?

Yeah, she's all right.

She smells about the best ever. He reckons he only baths her once every 2 weeks, and I think that's bullshit. You must spray with some deodorant or something. I've never bought a sprayer.

Spray. You are? How often? Every day.

Now it's weak, like a little— literally a spray bottle. I've never done that.

I'm going to make my dog smell nice. My dog stink. My dogs smell like dogs. Yeah, so does my house.

Fucking— yeah, made the bad girl swim in the other day, but he stank when he came out, wherever that was.

Yeah, wet dog's not a great smell.

No. Bon Miletto go as well. Frenchie, second Frenchie you've got. Both of them can swim.

Yeah.

Swims out, he can?

Yeah, they can swim, yeah. I'd like to see a video though, can you get a video?

Yeah, I've got a video.

Alright, put it up there.

Paching! He does the whole paddle before he hits the water thing.

Oh, it's funny, innit? It's great, it's one of the best things in life.

It is, it genuinely is.

It's up there when a dog gets their lip stuck is good.

Yeah, that's really funny.

When a dog has his head out the car window is also good.

We saw one today, which was great.

Round 8 just brought us instant joy, didn't it?

Yeah, I was literally belly laughing about it.

And then when they do the feet before the water thing is also good.

And also a dog that refuses to move on the pavement is hilarious.

We saw that today live.

He abused the guy.

Well, he didn't abuse him, he just kind of fucking cheered him on in a way.

Yeah, you kind of were, but you definitely, you 100% let him know that he was struggling. I beeped. Yeah, I know he wasn't I don't think he was totally happy that you would let him.

He wasn't. He had a Frenchie on a harness, which is fine, and a flexi lead, also fine. Doubly fine.

Yeah, it had gone full anchor mode.

It had gone spluted, mate. It was two out front, two out back, belly down, and he's fucking giving it all of them. Come on, like tugging it on the leash. Yeah, this fucking dog's like Nope, nope.

You can't say anything.

Hell, big fella.

And we're just like this. Yeah, good that.

So he went and picked him up.

He did.

And I beeped and cheered. We cheered. He was fuming though.

Yeah, he was.

It wasn't the first time, was it?

No, I want to see that again.

His missus was off down the road with the other Frenchie.

Yeah, my one's fine. Yep, because I've never let him do that. Yeah, you haven't you?

That's probably— yeah, which is probably a good indicator that you could cuckold him. Yeah, think about it. Yeah, she needs a real man. Yeah, a real man who's friendly. It could be your second cold, the round de cuckold. Oh mate, I hope you cuckold someone, it'd be great. Yeah, you come and tell it on the podcast.

Yeah. Yeah, fair enough.

Oh, brilliant. Yeah, anything else you want to talk about?

I don't think so. It's pretty good, isn't it? Yeah, it's not been on-piste. No, but we spoke about, like, you know, do we beat up dogs? No.

I want a fish finger sandwich from the New Inn. Apparently they do them and they're very good.

All right then, well, it's about time you went there then.

Brilliant. Right, so, Sean, do you want to come on the podcast for 1 minute?

Yeah.

Yeah, sound.

And I mean, you're gonna go, where's some tea in that?

We're actually bringing our sole listener onto the podcast, so it'll be a bit of a weird one for him to listen to himself. Yeah, Suzanne's just absolutely fucking yeeting microphones around. Very expensive.

Absolutely.

Sean, by the time this podcast is out, there'll be probably a lot of what you've just witnessed cut out of it. Don't you Yeah, bro, I want you to tell them.

Just before I come over, I got a bit of flash work done.

Flash work?

Yeah, and that one went to fucking shit on the plane, didn't it? That's all right, it'll get better whenever.

The pantomime on that would be fun.

Yeah, yeah, cool.

What's going on?

Yeah, good. You witnessed the uncensored version of the podcast.

That was a good figure. What do you reckon? I don't know how you get away with saying some of that stuff.

Well, we don't.

It gets cut out.

Yeah, it's good. A bank of, um Extortion.

It's been enlightening seeing you guys outside of work mode.

Yeah, is it?

You know? Yeah.

All right, definitely.

Oh God.

Oh dear.

How do you get onto these topics so quickly?

I don't know, just segway real fast.

Yeah, yeah.

Really difficult for the old poppy to do the editing, I guess.

You've done some traveling, maybe, you know, weren't you in fucking Scotland?

Yeah, that was sick. It was a last minute— I had a blast, mate. It was a last minute shout because one of the other mentees recognized me at the airport. Which is because I didn't know him first, obviously, which felt really weird because I was standing at the wrong— I was waiting for my baggage at the wrong thing. Yeah, he was like, you're not supposed to be here. I was like, what the fuck? How the fuck do you know? Anyway, that's cool. And then, yeah, he's a good lad and wanted to do his first time overseas, wanted to do traveling, and we both sort of said, yeah, we'll go Edinburgh. I've got a car. 2 days up there, it was sick. It's quick, it's a good lad, it's good fun, good town, very beautiful.

Yeah, like stunning. Edinburgh's all right.

Yeah, the buildings, you feel like you're on a movie set. Yeah, it's fucking wild. It's really good. No, you don't have anything like that in Australia, so I'm desperate to go back up there for sure.

Yeah, you should.

And then saw Nan for a bit.

Yeah, you got some.

Yeah, yeah, which was sick. She was in tears. It was cool.

Oh nice.

Yeah, a couple of lads recognized her name at the pub and that her late husband, my grandfather, had actually trained them when they were kids to play cricket and stuff.

Oh sick.

And she was reminiscing and got all emotional about it and stuff, which was beautiful because she doesn't get out much.

Yeah, nice.

So yeah, and then back here with you guys, which has been sick. Yeah, did the mentee weekend. That was funny. You guys got me absolutely obliterated in the bar.

Yeah, you get fucked up. Yeah, it's good.

Yeah, we were plowing drinks.

You drank a fair amount, to be fair, mate. Yeah, I don't know who drank more, you or Bjorn, but it was—

Yeah, you started it with the shots. Yeah, and then somebody gave Owen instruction to also keep them being delivered. Yeah, like I had a funny moment where a hand just came from behind and put something in my mouth and I didn't know what it was.

Yeah, that happens a lot around here.

Yeah, stick your eye patch on.

I got a lot of trust for you guys, so just go for it.

You probably shouldn't after this podcast, would you?

No, not anymore.

After you listen to the full version.

About half a bottle of rum later, I was cooked. Oh yeah, doing a third, maybe not a full half, but yeah, it was a lot. Everybody else was, yeah, everybody else was, well, you have another one. It's an open bar, mate.

Yeah, fair enough. Yeah, that was the point.

Yeah, not here to fuck around.

This is by Keith Sandhu. Yeah, Keith Sandhu. Funny story, um, his real name's Charanjit.

Yep.

He didn't want to get bullied anymore for being called Charanjit because he played rugby league, and you can imagine, yeah, growing up in the fucking early 2000s.

Yeah, not great. No, a bit unfair.

So he got to 16 years old and decided he's going to change his name. He could have picked any fucking English name under the sun. He chose Keith.

Yeah, it's not— did anybody help him do that?

No, I think— no, I think— I think this is speculative, but I think he was after Keith Sinwa.

Yeah, it would be. Yeah, it's the only reason it could be.

He was like a big Keith Senior fan. We'll put a picture of Keith there with both Keiths. Yeah, just lean over.

Brace of Keith.

Brace of Keith there. So I could see why he went for the name choice. Yeah, but anyway, when you going back, mate?

Uh, one more day, you know. I think catch up with you guys after this. I'll probably go see Si on the way to Manchester tomorrow. And then—

have you forgotten him already? Yeah, yeah. No, I did see him last weekend though.

He came, he hung out, he did for 5 minutes, signed a couple of autographs and then left.

He's a rock star, isn't he?

He is a rock star.

Yeah, he's a great rock star though.

Yeah, he's a good lad, to be fair.

You got on stage, bit of rock star moment.

I did, I did.

You're doing some twerking at one point.

Oh, I have footage of that.

Yeah, everyone should see that if they haven't already.

Yeah, it's nice to see you let your hair down, have a bit of fun. Well, it was a fleeting moment for about 1.5 seconds when you got on stage and did that. I was like, he's the guy that advises me. Yeah, very Yeah, big life things.

Yeah, that's true.

And then I just went, no, it's cool.

That's right, that's fine. Yeah, there you go. Just turn it on and off, you know.

Yeah, fair enough. Good.

Yeah, the cuts from the US must have some epic cuts from this that you can imagine. There is your next paycheck massively.

There is some absolute doozies in that bank. Yeah, doozies. Like funny as well, like not just crude. But fucking belly laughing funny, but they just can't go in.

Well, but can't you get one of those Patreon things where people are gonna pay and you just say whatever the fuck you want?

Hey, and then sign an NDA.

If you fucking screen record it or something. But what about your next mentorship weekend? We put everyone's fucking phone in a Faraday bag.

Yeah.

And then we stick it all on the fucking—

Yeah, that's funny. That is actually funny. That's a good shout.

It'll really like weed out certain fucking—

Yeah. Yeah, that'd be good.

Yeah, that— fuck, that would be good. Let's get the most of the things out of here. Fucking horrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fair enough.

Sick.

All right, you had a good trip overall though.

Yeah, yeah, I love it, mate. Every time I come here I have a good time. Uh, learned heaps about e-collars again this time, which was the goal. And then obviously spend time with the team and the crew. Maggie helped me redevelop two new landing pages, did a lot with the business. We talked about pricing. Pushing sales and bringing staff on. Heaps. I've got a lot to do when I get back, a lot to unpack. Um, but yeah, it's always good. I have a great time and I learn a lot, so I love coming out. I'll be back. Yeah, always.

It's a good one.

Well, I'll see you when you come to Oz.

Yeah, we're going.

I'll come and try it again.

November. November.

Yeah, I'm going to wait till you guys book your tickets because the last time you did this, it cost me $1,500.

Right.

Okay. Yeah, it seems fair.

Yeah, good job.

You said we're going to New Zealand. I was like sick. I got flights, two of us coming, accommodation, and then you guys are— we're not going. I was like, fuck, none of my shit's refundable.

To be fair, it's not just like we decided on a whim not to go. There was a bit going on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, there was a thing. It was World War III.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So once you've got your tickets, then I'll— yeah, fair enough, come over. Yeah. Um, but yeah, sick.

All righty, cool. Wrap it up there.

Yeah, let's get to the New Inn and fucking chow down on some Fish finger sandwiches, something like that.

Yeah, fish finger sandwiches apparently is really good. Chloe, Chloe says they're highly recommended. I don't fucking know.

All right, you order it first.

Yeah, all right, cool. All right, what do we say at the end of the podcast? Buy in, buy in, buy in.