EP 74 : 2025 Wrapped, Dogs & Delusions of Mars

Oh, that was weird.

Wasn't happened.

Sends me by somebody cracked so old,

just falls off like Mr.

Potato Head sold him canine optima growth hormones.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, someone's telling jokes in there. Having a good time next door. That's nice. Someone stole the pelter.

Oh,

Doing karaoke in the main room with different. Completed training of dogs by day four. What do we say? Friday afternoon, karaoke?

Guys, karaoke was mentioned at Hickory's.

Was it? Yeah, that'd be good.

Yeah, it would be funny.

Maybe do a boot camp reunion. Oh, a lot has changed since our last podcast. Yeah, we've got a third camera, which seems excessive, but it does when they're

in such close proximity.

They're staggered too.

Likes me up there somewhere next to each other.

Yeah, yeah. You might have to rationalize this for us at some point, Suz.

Oh, I bet she could rationalize it all right.

Yeah, true. It's looking like a pretty expensive podcast right now.

The old only Sues.

Yeah. The only flues. That's what they asked for. I got a decent opening activity for us, which I think could be funny. All right. Could be interest, because that's what people are here for, apparently. Obviously, people are doing their Spotify rap this time of year. Yeah, we're pretty up there on the charts with the old dog training nerds. Yeah,

right up there.

Yeah, that is true.

Your mama.

His definitely doesn't give a. I should

try and see if my.

If we're going to do ours live on. Oh, yeah.

I don't know where my telephone is.

What do you mean? I could have maybe told you, couldn't I? Yeah, fair enough.

Any joy? Oh, two of them. Look.

There you go. They've bred home. What's new? Nah. God mode. No. God.

What? It's time for your wrapped. Let's go. So if I just click that.

Yeah, yeah, you listened.

We counted.

Yeah. Swipe again.

Swipe again.

Yep.

238. 692 minutes.

Nice.

Is that like. Where's that rank on the minute score?

I. No idea, mate. Yeah, it'll be up your rank.

This statement here, look, tastes like yours

can't be defined, but let's try anyway. Okay.

I listened to 499 genres.

That's crazy.

I didn't even think that genre ranking is that crazy.

I don't think there are 500 genres.

No, it's like I've nearly topped out.

That'd be funny if you googled, like, how many music genres there are, and there's exactly 500. But you've only listened to 499.

I'd want to find the.

Was that one?

What is this?

What is that one? All right, all right. What have we got?

The top genres. Do we need to know that?

Yeah. Delta blues.

I don't know what that means. Delta blues.

You old Delta blues.

The best thing about it is Delt Blues. Then pop rap.

What's pop rap?

No one knows.

Is he Azalea? Megan's the Stallion, Cardi B

Third Blues Rock.

Yeah.

Again, don't really know what it means.

Yeah, better.

We're getting better.

4. Electronic. I don't know what that means.

Surely it's all electronic. Electro and then coming in at a strong five.

The soundtrack, specifically. The warrior, specifically.

No, it wouldn't be. I know. Like that. I'll be.

What is it?

Age is just a number, so don't take this personally.

Okay. That's true. What's that mean? We'll swipe your mong.

You're listening. Age 27. Yeah, it makes sense.

Kind of like.

Kind of like my looks as well.

Yeah. Oh, that's funny.

It's highly accurate. I believe it's listening. Age is more accurate than biological age. I believe.

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

You listen to 11, 378 songs, but can you guess your number one?

Oh, yeah, go on.

No, I can't.

Although we only discovered it lately. What's it called? Town is Black.

It could be that one. Yeah.

Talk of the Town.

Talk of the Town. That would be amazing if it was. I don't think it will be.

I sent you another good one earlier. Attack by Rusty. You're gonna enjoy that one.

Why does it say take your pick?

That's having a guess at what you're. So, what are your options out of

five there songs I've never heard of?

Okay, okay.

Beat the Devil's Tattoo, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. I do know that one. The Regulator Makes Easier. No idea what that is. Too Old to Die Young, Brother Deej, I do know that one, actually. Sleep with the Lights on the Wanton Bishops and the Heat by the bones of J.R. jones.

So who do you think it was?

This doesn't. Oh, you got it right. That's pretty good. That was a total guess. That was one in five.

It was the only one you heard of.

Yeah, true. So kind of makes sense. My top song, Beat the Devil's Tattoo by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club.

Oh. Never even heard of that.

Really? Surprising.

Yeah. You might have had a phase. You have phases?

It must have had.

I can't find mine. So that's this. Just enjoy yours. All right, Go on. Your top songs.

Well, there's the same songs as I just read out, just in a slightly different. In fact, in the same order. Okay, so that was ridiculous.

Yeah, you're okay, though.

Your top songs. We made a playlist. You listened to 56 albums this year.

You listen to 11, 000 songs over 56 albums. That's pretty nuts. Like, that's quite a few amount of albums for.

Yeah, it is, isn't it? Yeah. You must have really repeated them.

No, it doesn't make sense because there's

like, maybe it's seven as well.

I think you just made this up. You just made it up.

You're gonna like this one. Your top album. Piano Covers by Henry Smith. This is fucking made up.

It's not. You're a bit odd.

I've never seen this album cover in my life, I swear.

You share this with anyone?

What do you mean? The account.

Yeah,

yeah, that makes sense. It's my house account. So if any, like, music gets put on if I'm leaving the dogs or something.

There you go. Okay, Mr. Bumble, Spotify, rat Nuts. Oh, let's get this over and done with now. You led us all on. Me included. Knob.

What else is Bumble like for? Broken ears. That kind of makes sense. Yeah, no, this makes a lot of sense now because I don't recognize any of these things.

Yeah, keep. Just keep scrolling. Come on. It should go through podcast.

I want to know your 635 minutes of podcasts. Good.

That's not that much. No, that's 10 hours. That's not that much at all.

Pack talk. Who's that?

The.

That's a dog one. I don't recall even listening to that.

Who the is that?

I genuinely don't know.

Weirdo.

I don't know. There's no clue as to who it is either.

You listen to 340?

I definitely haven't.

He's so stubborn.

N. No.

No, I haven't.

No, I haven't. Bumble has.

Yeah, maybe.

Once upon a time, there was a buck lover. It was you.

Bit of us that.

Yeah. Just scrolled itself and there.

Read it out loud because you're just making noises.

It was scrolling too quickly.

You have to articulate something.

There are five special things to claim the top spots. Start your race. This is getting silly now.

Yeah, it is. Is that Adam Levine? Who? The.

Henry Smith is like, no offense to Henry Smith, whoever.

That guy could be a great guy.

Yeah, it's good name. Strong name. Like a western you should be the star of a Western. It's about it.

All right.

All of your listenings made me part of something bigger. Apparently it made Spotify's wallet bigger. And I know that.

Yeah, it did pretty good. Yeah. You can listen to stuff inseminating your ears.

No, Something like that.

Interjecting ejaculation. Alrighty.

Well, son, I know a lot of you watch this.

You're a dog trainer, or even an aspiring dog trainer. And I have a mentorship program. We have actually two different versions. One for already established dog trainers and then a dog trainer development program for a sport inspiring dog trainers. I know some of you may be looking for a directional change in the new year. And so I've put details of our dog trainer development program in the link in the description. If you click that link, it'll talk you how it works, who it's for and who is not for ultimately. So it might be of interest of you if you're already watching this video. Anyway, enjoy the rest of the video. This is crazy. 2025 wrapped for creators is here. This could be embarrassing.

I could be terrible.

25 rap for creators. You're. Yeah, you're in it. Yeah, yeah, just roll with it.

Using the word hero I like. That's a good start.

Where?

There, isn't it? Oh, no, it's here.

It's here.

It was just. The cursor was on it.

This was quite the year for you. A little proof that hard work pays off. I'm a bit nervous, mate. I feel like we're at the Oscars. 102,000 total plays.

That's shit, isn't it?

It's quite a lot of people.

That's not totally shit.

No. 102,000 plays. That's nuts. Hey, Paradigm, what you got? Total audience. Our audience went up by 124% from last year. That's cool.

I believe that's almost total new audience.

New audience went up 449.

How does that work?

So we've like times five in a year. That's crazy maths.

Yeah. Fuck.

Come on, mate. Well, we. Yeah, we. Yeah, we've times five and a half. Where you going? Total followers 3.4 K. That doesn't seem like a lot, but. No, but a 96% improvement on. On, on. End over end.

Yeah.

End over year. 1.8 million minutes of listening. That seems quite a lot.

Yeah.

That is mental. 30. 30.7000 hours. Hours. 1.2000 days of listening. 183 weeks of listening. It seems to be Getting less impressive as they convert it. Like 42 months. Doesn't seem like that much. Three years seems really good.

Yeah. That's crazy.

Three years of listening. Yes. That sounds like a. A prison sentence. That's nuts.

Yeah. Yeah.

Whoa, that's funny. 69 increase in. Oh, obviously it is. Yeah. Increase in listening time. Oh, is that it? That's fun.

It was fun.

I would like to know it by user. Oh, the one episode that rose above the rest.

Oh, interesting stats.

It was Michael Ellis.

All right. I wasn't in that one.

That makes sense.

That makes sense now.

I was failing Real Dog Train.

He's a different guy. Someone else.

Someone else.

He's dominating our own podcast. Sakes. If it was anyone else, there'd be trouble.

Oh, that's funny. Let's talk video. Spoiler alert. Your fans couldn't look away. Oh, fuck. That was funny. All right. I don't know what's happening here. Your show was in the top 5% of videos on Spotify. That seems pretty nuts. That seems pretty good.

That means people like how probably you look more than they like to listen.

I don't. I don't. We watched 54 more in 2025 than 2024. How do we make this better? More? Yeah, this is. This is made like. Yeah, all right. A little bit of a spark on my ass. Sorry.

You just see the rankings go up

because you say 94 comments doesn't seem like a lot. No, but have you ever commented on a Not worth on a podcast?

Will I ever?

In fact, you. 94 people. Can you not come back because you're

strange trying to find where the comments.

Yeah. You weirdos, you. Commenting on a podcast. It's odd behavior. Okay.

Could be Zach George 94 times.

Yeah, fair. Could. Probably sums up. Emoji was huge. Okay. He's giving dad the United Kingdom. Left 38 comments. This is getting too specific.

The United Kingdom itself.

Yeah. This is quite impressive as a country.

Country. They've gone. Listen.

Your listening password. Got a real workout. What does that mean? 78 countries. Passports. That's a. That's a cool one. 78 countries. I couldn't name 78 countries.

I didn't think there were 78 countries.

Top country, New Zealand. Yeah. Oh, no, this is in reverse order. New Zealand coming in at number five, then Canada. Brilliant. Coming at number five. They're good at rugby and listening to podcasts. It's New Zealand then. For America's little friendly brother. I think it's bigger. To be fair.

It's quite big.

Number three. Quite Satisfying Australia, considering those. Number two. United States.

I.

Presumably kind of boring. And then UK number one.

Yeah, right. All right. I did not expect Kiwis coming at five.

No. Fair play.

A bloke over there.

We're going in April.

Brilliant.

You come into this one.

Yeah, all right.

Yeah. Nice. If they don't do the hacker for us. If we get off the plane, I'm getting back on the plane.

Yeah, fair enough.

You know, like when R. Yeah.

Ring a guy.

I'll do it back as a sign of respect.

Yeah.

You're a top ten show for three 7K fans.

Quite nice, isn't it?

Yeah.

So 3.7.

Your top five show for two and a half thousand people.

I like that better.

But you are a top num. You're the number one show for 787 people. That's quite nice. Thank you. We actually. We. We appreciate that. Yeah, we do.

I really do.

I have no idea why. I cannot fathom it seems. We chat.

Yeah.

Your top fans.

Feel like quite heartwarming is a bit, isn't it?

There's like 800 cr.

Yeah. Why is that weeping?

He's actually. He's actually teared up.

Second tear. Shed of me life.

Oh, Poppy, Poppy, don't cut this out.

That's amazing.

That is quite nice, to be fair.

It really is.

Yeah. 800 people were their most listened to podcast. That's cool. Just shy of that one's pretty much 45% binged two episodes in one day. That's good, mate. I can't listen to you for that long. Like. Never mind me. You listening to me? Like, do you know what I mean, though? Wait, what's this? Is this me or you?

This is. This is the audience.

So. Right. It goes without saying your fans have great taste. Here's what else they're listening to. Interesting. Number one, Taylor Swift.

We're kind of similar. I get that. I see that one.

Number two, Morgan Walan.

Don't know who that is.

Number three, Zach Bryan. Number four. I feel like that's just the top five artists in the world.

Yeah. Eminem's up there, isn't he?

Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Yeah, brilliant. There you go. Brilliant.

So we're basically like.

And here's their top audiobooks. All right, this is interesting.

Yeah.

Other End of the Leash by Patricia Connelly. Come on, come on. Oh, that number three is disappointing. Why My Dog Is so Reactive by Jean Cord Van Damme. Number three was a book by some dog trainer. Number four, the Housemaid, which is housemaid. It's a movie being made, I think, as well. All right, and then the fourth wing by Rebecca Yaros. Okay.

Oh, look.

Oh, this is interesting. Top shows, our users also listen to Joe Rogan, obviously.

Obviously.

Up there with Rogsy Canine paradigm. Number two, the diary of CEO is Stephen Barlett.

Yeah, nice.

Morbid. I don't know what's that? What's more?

I don't know, but it sounds like a murder one.

Yeah. You guys, everything else made sense. And then number five is training without conflict. Ivan's podcast.

Oh, brilliant. Number four was very odd.

Okay, you might want to frame this. Okay, what is it? A 2025 marathon show. Fans listen to you for longer than 98 of other shows.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Why a 2025 talked about show, you receive more comments than 99 of other shows.

That's odd.

Yeah. At most, 2025 shared show, you receive more shares than 98 of other shows.

We'll get a beautiful. That's cool.

We should. I'm gonna share some of this on the comments social media. Ah, what a great feature to today's episode.

The comments have got a babies.

No, they're not.

Are they not?

No, not really.

All right. Kind of wish they were.

Yeah.

Easier to deal with abuse than complicated nice things.

I'm like, yeah, abuse is funny.

Yeah, go on. Yeah, give me some more crap. Oh.

Oh, what an emotional.

Emotional, heartwarming.

Thank you, guys. We appreciate it. Yeah, really nice. We're. Gratitude, Gratuous. Gratitudinal. Yeah.

I'm speechless now.

Yeah.

I mean, which is really rare. Me, it's kind of normal. But you.

But.

Oh, but go on.

Yeah, we've never really looked into the numbers. We just do it.

Yeah, we just.

We just do it.

Yeah, just.

Yeah, no, we're not gonna get. Yeah, you can. Yeah, yeah. How interesting is that? We're in, like the top.

Oh, I can hear what's going on next door.

Yeah. Why is that door open?

Envelope moment.

Oh, is it? Yeah. Tell us about the black envelopes.

Basically, we give them like boot campers them. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, it's a context. Boot campers that have been here all week. On Friday, we always go to the pub. Still got me 100 record of getting all dogs there.

Yeah, yeah,

great.

Yeah, he did.

And then come back, bit of a debrief, kind of picking them about with some maybe some more niche issues. And then we give him an envelope with maybe a little picky of the pop in there and some like some of the key points.

Polaroid pick in It. Yeah, it's a nice little touch.

Just some info in there for them to go back with that they really need to nail. Like, things that would either make it slip back into problematic or things that maybe you'll just add a cherry on top of the icing that they've got at the end of the week. But it's cool. I like it.

Yeah, it's nice.

Yeah. They take them home. We don't let them read them at the time.

Why?

In case I've abused anyone and they try and fight me.

Yeah, fair enough.

No, just because it's, like. It's a lot to absorb.

Oh, okay.

So we kind of give them the verbal bit, and then we're just like. Right. Just don't worry about this. Go home, Hit the ground running.

Amazing.

Open this tonight. Maybe with a glass of port.

Nice.

I don't know.

And a mince pie.

Yeah. This time here. Could be.

Yeah. Yeah.

With frosting.

Would you prefer a mince pie with or without frosting?

With, I think. Just take any extra calories.

It's a lively group this week, isn't it? They've been very. Yeah.

Really good.

Look at them go. They're having a blast in there. I know.

It's kind of like we want. I want to go.

I know, right? It's been a good episode.

I was involved this weekend, Friends. Oh, okay.

But, like, 99 of the planet listens to you. Yeah. I can't remember all the exact stats, so I'll probably make. Make a few up.

Yeah.

We're in the top 0.01% of podcasts in the universe. We were listening to more than Eminem. I think if you think at some

point, like, conceptually about your vocal cords as well, they're just like a transmission of what your brain is doing, and people have people that's gone to people's senses.

Yeah. I wonder if anyone's, like, taking action on any of it.

Crazy. Yeah. Let's hope the morbid thing wasn't the action.

Well, pretty exciting news, mate. You're getting a dog tonight. Potentially.

Could be.

Found a dog.

Getting a fresh dog.

Yeah. Shelby.

Shelby.

Shelby the dog. The melon flute. We're not certain as a girl. It looks like a girl, though.

He did that. The chap who messaged said, dude. He said guy, he bought. I think he said, boy.

All right.

I don't really.

You can still call it Shelby. Yeah.

It's a good thing about the name Shelby Shelbean.

Shelby. Shelby Shellbreem. I just still got smacked about how many People listen to us and you then crying well enough on the podcast. People give a. It could have honestly. Right. Said, like, yeah, like four people listen to this and I would have been like, yeah, that makes sense. All right, I'll still do it.

That's more than us two, isn't it? You four.

Thank you.

It's more than us, too.

Never mind. Three years.

Yeah, brilliant. Three years of listening time. How long do you take to ship to. I don't know. Probably less than that. Oh, not if we get Shelby, though, because.

What are you asking?

What?

What are you asking?

I was going to ask how long does it take to sail to Mars?

Why are you sailing there?

Well, you mean to ship spaceships, I assume. They're sailed, aren't they? I don't know.

A spaceship. Yeah.

No.

Do you know what? Yeah, it could be a space sail. Yeah. No,

You'd imagine it's a bit, though, wouldn't you?

I think it. I think. I think it take about 18 months to get to Mars.

Oh, brilliant. So you get.

How long do you think? Yeah, yeah.

Do a round trip.

Need to figure that out. Be there. I can't even.

Oh, this trip's going to be a real killer. Is 18 months good news is I

know a couple of idiots. They'll hold hand on the way there.

All the way there. How long maybe the way back.

Take to get to Mars.

Sail to Mars.

I believe it takes. Oh, it's only seven to nine months.

Oh, cruisy. We could do laps.

Yeah. Do a cut like an orbit as well. There you go, guys.

Comfortably get to Mars and back and not run out of our shit.

I'm gonna. I'm gonna also text Pat Stewart and ask if he's done. Yeah. Have you done your creator on Spotify yet? I'm gonna put in brackets. I'm asking you this live RA while

filming him whilst we're sat here, my shorts seem to be getting short.

I think he'd be asleep at this point. Would he?

Nah, he doesn't sleep. I heard Pat Stewart doesn't fall asleep.

Yeah, that. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, just up right there. Just. Yeah. Ready? Ready. Always ready.

Always ready.

Never not ready. So, yeah, you could be getting a dog, Shelby, tonight. Got a text this morning. Some melon flute, slash some shepherd or something, I don't know, has made its way into someone's garden. Yeah, I have something to do with dogs. So naturally the text makes his way to me.

Classic. Yeah. I know a guy.

I knew a guy and I did know a guy to be Fair.

Yeah. To be fair.

So, yeah. You're gonna go. Is he replied to you?

He did do like. I'm not necessarily in the market for one, but I don't like dogs going into kennels of pounds. Yeah. From what he said, like. And what you've said seems friendly enough, so I assume someone.

Mate, I've seen a three second video.

Yeah. That's enough. Right.

Yeah. But I do know dogs, me. I am good with dogs,

bruv. So someone might be missing it. Someone might not be missing it. So we'll go through some channels. I'll look after the scoundrel. And if. Because he was saying he was just like asking if they. They want.

Yeah.

So if he's got no one, I'll go pick it up.

That's nice.

Give her a spin. Tell. Just in case. Obviously official owner gets in touch on.

Yeah, some rules, isn't there? Why don't you tell our. Our viewers the rules?

I don't know if he's Official rules. So if you find a dog. I didn't. I wasn't aware of this until I looked it up. But if you find one, the advice is to like, obviously ring the warden if you can get a read on the chip and they can return it to the rightful owner immediately. Brilliant. Apparently this dude's not. Chip.

No chip. Chipless. Chipless chip tooth.

Yeah, we can sort that. I'll give him some chips. Because there's no chip. You don't necessarily have to relinquish the dog to the warden. You can say, I will look after said dog and then you get in touch with me if the owner comes to you to say, I've lost my dog. Which kind of makes sense because, like, I mean, I suppose it depends where the dog ended up, but we all know that kennels can create dogs like bumble. So.

Yeah, neurotic.

Neurotic. Crazy OCD stuff. So like, I'd rather at least be

in a kennels for dogs. Not great.

No.

And that is us paying our dues today and talking about the dog stuff. So let's move on.

Especially not long term.

Let's talk about what we really want to talk about. Yeah, no, no, fair enough. That is a good point to be fair. Although, like, Lenny spent three and a half years and, you know.

Yeah.

Keeps playing on it even though he's had a, you know, a year in Boroughbridge.

He's dragging that one. My crazy savage sigh. He's got a bit me.

Hey, you never let the truth get

in the way of A good yard.

That's right. Yeah, that's right. That's funny. Yeah.

You couldn't wish for a better home for the Boyle, could you?

No, they're having a good time. He's got one good dog now. Yeah. Spaniel chins. You're welcome. 50% of your dogs are. I trained that. 50%. He listens, too.

Why?

Yeah, he listens to everyone. And he'll text me when he listens to it. Like you, Anka.

Three years and I don't get it.

Yeah, he's a lot of those. He's. He could be.

He should do.

I don't know if Brad still does. I don't know where.

We give him a load of. And we'll find out Saturday.

Just see. Yeah. Like, really? Yeah.

I don't think he is.

I think we've given him a. To be fair, he's a good lad. So just quickly, if you can be asked. Obviously, Maggie wants a dog. Yeah, she's not necessarily a dog person. So Maggie's our operations manager, business. She actually works on mentorship program with me because she's a marketing extraordinaire. And we've. We plucked her out of Deutschland. Yeah. What are you laughing at? We plucked her out of the Deutschland. We took her over, and now she lives here. Brilliant. In Pudsey.

The best.

We import. Yeah, we. We shipped a Spaniard over, too. He's actually not Spanish. Portuguese. We keep speaking to him in Spanish, though.

Yeah, but it's similar.

Yeah, it is.

The words.

Come on.

Yeah.

Yeah. Don't try and give us that.

Kind of like saying Scottish and English is different.

Yeah. It's not really, is it?

I don't know.

They still. They've all got teeth.

Yeah. Okay.

I apologize to our big UK contingent.

That's what the Americans say about us, isn't it?

Yeah, that's what I meant.

Yeah.

So, yeah, we took Maggie, we plucked her out of Deutschland, and she's now in Zipudse or Farnley or Bramley. Where's she?

Farsley.

Farsley. None of which are. Right.

It's like a mix of the amalgamation.

Yeah. We won't give her actual address away.

No.

She's at number 13 Oakwood Mount. And naturally working in a dog training center. At some point, you'll probably get a dog.

If not, you're gonna get bullied into getting a dog.

Yeah, I've bullied you getting. I've bullied you into getting a. Maybe like a fifth or sixth dog. I don't even know how many today. Yeah, Fair Enough.

Just today.

That was just the last 24 hours alone, never mind the last three years of podcast. So we said we would discuss what might be a suitable breed for technically a non dog person.

Yeah.

And again, just to be clear, Maggie's not a dog trainer.

I hear recommended a lot like your King Charlie's.

Yeah. But they all die of the brain thing, which seems pretty fucked.

Yeah, it does. Yeah.

Seems pretty fucked.

Yeah.

So maybe not one of them.

Where are you going with it then?

Don't know. So, yeah, she's not had a dog before.

Yeah. I think sometimes it's a good thing.

Yeah. Clean slate. No, pre. What's it called? Pre.

Pre existing.

Preconceived. Pre existing. Kind of like false beliefs.

Yeah. Oh, he's not gonna be like my old dog.

Yeah.

My last six black Labradors. But not like this one.

She's a clean slate, essentially. Yeah, but she's very sensible too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's not an idiot.

Nice and logical.

We wouldn't have hired her if she was. Although we have done in the past.

Yeah.

But we move on. What else might Maggie get then? As a first time dog owner for a first time dog,

I don't mind a well bred Frenchman. Obviously biased.

Yeah.

Small dog, easy to satiate.

Yeah. But they got health issues.

Yeah, well, dog can do that.

Yeah, that's true.

So I suppose it'd be like health issues aside, we've got. We're getting the dog from a rescue or a good breeder.

She wants a rescue dog.

All right. But the good thing about that is, you know, if the dog's got health issues.

Right, well, you've got a better idea, I guess. Yeah, yeah. A much better idea

could have already arisen to the fore, mate.

I don't even think it matters that much. No. Cuz you can have like a shepherd that behaves like a Labrador and a, A Frenchie that behaves like a Doberman and like.

Yeah.

I don't believe in breeds. I'll have that on record.

That's true though, isn't it?

Yeah, you get like, you know, you obviously get breed traits.

Yeah.

But at the same time, I don't know. Yeah, you can get some Malinois that are just dead chill.

Yeah.

Remember George and Mildred and all them, they were really chill.

Yeah.

For Malinois. Yeah. And then you can just get sausage dogs that are just unhinged.

Yep.

And then Diff and Bumble, he's, you know.

Yeah.

You get Romanian street dogs that are just. And then you get ones that are just like, here you go, He's a dog. It's fine. Yeah. So whatever in it, just go meet it.

I think your Romanian street dogs have changed, actually.

Yeah, that is a good point. They used to be, and now they're just like. Yeah, yeah. They're just like.

Well, you can go over there and get a right, good, easy mum and dad in there.

Yeah.

You mean I could do basically whatever. Yeah.

You're gonna give me to a millennial that's gonna let me do what the I want? Yeah. I mean, sign me up.

I get a cheese fondue every day,

and if they go near the dishwasher. Yeah, you can chin them. Right, I'm in. I am in. Count me in, you son of a bitch. Yeah, they're just whoppers nowadays, aren't they? They used to be all like and that. Now they're just mad whoppers. Yeah. I think they just got a mad breeding program then they're just like. There's probably. Yeah, there's probably. Yeah.

Idiot English.

Yeah, there's vegans. They'll have one of these.

What colors is hair? Yep.

Blue. Get him, get him two. Get him two.

Yeah.

No, that is a fair point, to be honest, Ian. And that. That.

That.

That's not there to insult our Romanian owners. Our Romanian dog owners are dog. Our owners of dogs with Romanian descent of the dogs.

Eloquently put.

Yeah. I just. I'm not getting stuck into Romanian people.

No.

Because I can imagine they can fight. I don't want to make it another fighting podcast. I will if I have to.

Romanian dog trainers kicking the.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They got. They probably got healing sticks and all sorts.

Yeah, I. I'm not going to say the name on here now, but I'll tell you after the podcast. But I watched. I wanted to teach Blue something fresh, right. And this dude was like, well, like renowned person in the field, that of the thing I wanted to teach Blue. And he's like, yep, we teach, like, fully positive only. And then he's like on video, going down, ow, Down. And I'm like,

he bought a course to teach a dog a down. That's never nuts.

Never clinched it. Yeah, no.

How about when you get those owners and they go, oh, he's never lied down. No, he's never, never, never going to lie down. I don't know. Yeah, he sleeps like Winnie the Pooh. So it doesn't really matter what dog she gets, because she'll probably do a good job anyway.

Yeah, yeah, nice.

Yeah, Sensible. All right, There you go.

You know this one I pick up tonight.

Yeah, she probably fine.

Yeah,

yeah, just babysitted a Dalmatian for a little bit. They're though. What like wouldn't you get. I wouldn't get a sheep in it. Wouldn't get a Shar Pei. Wouldn't get a Dalmatian. Wouldn't get as we first dog anything like massive. Yeah, they're just dogs I'd never get.

Guarding breed.

Yeah, like an Anatolian shepherd and Anthony the shepherd. Yeah, Anthony the shepherd specifically. Yeah, that.

The other one's fine.

The other ones, Tony, not you.

Sorry.

Yeah, like kangals and. Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't bother.

Yeah, I probably wouldn't advise someone to get like a bully breed either.

Yeah, that's a fair point. One of those like big off bully ones.

Yeah. But even like the ones that are under the category. Yeah.

Cat bees.

I, I do like them as dogs, but they're not a first timer.

No. They got a lot about them, haven't they, to be fair.

Snipers.

Yeah, yeah. But then we keep going and you probably say no. No malamas either.

Yeah, yeah. I don't really. I like, I've not obviously got one and I don't necessarily. I don't, I don't really. I don't think it's imposter syndrome, but I've never thought, oh, I'm ready for one of them.

You're an idiot. You'd be fine. Idiots have them all the time and they're fine.

So like.

Yeah, that's kind of why he's so insecure. Because you stop buying videos, bullying me every day. No, but like the thing is the Malinois people that actively out loud say, oh, like my circumstances dictate I probably shouldn't get a Malinois right now, for whatever reason probably are the type of person that would be fine with a Malinois and it's the idiots that are like, oh yeah, I'd be fine with one of them. I go, I go for jogs.

I get two.

Yeah, put me down for two.

I got a brace of them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like a self fulfilling prophecy, mate. So you'd be fine.

Yeah, just ask.

So yeah, if you, if you're wondering whether you should get a Malinois, just ask yourself, like, should I get Malinois? If you say no, then you should. If you say yes, then you shouldn't.

Okay, that's probably not far off though.

It's probably not.

It's wacky but true.

I think she would be fine because of the Circumstances. Though she does hang around with a few dog trainers, like.

Yeah, yeah.

She's surrounded by dog trainers every day. If you've got a Malinois, there's probably a couple of things you want around you. Yeah. One would be grass.

Nice.

One would be dog trainers.

Yeah. It's not.

So there's another one to ask. No.

Two things.

No. Just, like, have a look in your close, like, proximity of what's there. If you can see a lot of green, that's a good thing. If you see a dog trainer or two. Also a good thing.

Yeah. Right.

Because they're actually as easy a dog to go wrong as they are to go. Right.

Yeah.

Or they're easier dog to go right than they are to go wrong. Stark's definitely be my least problem dog ever.

Yeah.

And, like, Kobe's also very good boy. But then there's just a fine line between, I guess, like, right and wrong. I guess. I don't know.

Yeah.

Do I know?

It could be quickly. The Divergent.

Yeah. Yeah.

All right.

So, yeah, you'd be. You would be fine. You idiot. Owen's got one. He's fine. He's an idiot. The noisy one.

Yeah. He's so noisy.

He is noisy, isn't it? It sounds like it's dying, too, when it's just having fun.

Yeah.

I just, like. Makes no sense to me. I'm like. He'd be playing with him in there, and they're just, like, barking for a ball, and I'll be running out like, oh, my God, the dog is dying. Yeah. Someone's getting killed by a dog.

Break the glass. Yeah.

And it's just him playing fetch.

Yeah.

It's just nuts.

Kind of does that on a nighttime, too.

Does it?

Yeah.

Yeah. You're homies at the moment. You got a stepbrother thing going on. Step brothers. You're doing karate in the basement and.

Yeah.

Do you ever train together? I can kind of imagine it, to be fair.

I don't know if it's crushes.

He's doing single man Jiu jitsu in the day.

Like, it was like a. You telling someone, another member of staff. He was like, I tried to, like, about with him in the kitchen, and I felt how strong he was, and I just kind of stopped.

Who said that about who?

What do you expect about you? Not like a tiny person. He's gonna pick me up and just like, no, I've got no skills. I'm not like, I'm. I'm heavy. If nothing else, I am heavy. I can do that.

Well, you're fairly big, dude. Yeah.

These paper ways. Yeah.

Oh, that's funny. So Maggie could get a malar. No one else is allowed though.

Nice.

Yeah. We are all biased though, because I'd be like, oh yeah, just get a sausage. So. Cuz they're well easy. You can just like pick them up. Yeah, they can't jump off anything though. Like May's constantly worried about them just like snapping in two. Which I guess my Frenchies are meant

to, but they do.

Yes, same. I was a like flubber.

Yeah. Yeah.

I don't think they're quite noisy, but you know, Lenny was an easiest. An easy dog. Yeah. One of the easiest dogs I've ever probably met. Anyone would be lucky to have that easy of a dog.

Yeah, nice. So easy.

So easy. You barely have to do nothing. You just click your fingers and he's doing.

It does work.

If anyone trains that. Yeah, it does work.

If anyone can tell.

Have no substance to off the back end of why it does work. But clicking your fingers. Maybe you should do a whole episode on things that shouldn't theoretically work but do.

That's a good idea.

Like clicking your fingers. Like I'll say, hey, lie down. And then click. Like just. No, reflexively. And then they lie down. But I don't know why.

No.

You know, if anyone knows, you tell me. Does though. Not in like. Yeah, you're probably listening to this. Not in your head, like. Yeah, it does.

The lady, the lady today with Rupert, she was like, sometimes if I click my fingers, it works in my head. I'm pissing myself. I'm like, yeah, fine, just. Yeah, that's good technique.

Yeah. Yeah. We should be saying like, no, that's. You need. But really. Yeah, no, I like it. It does work.

Give it a go.

It is backed. Yeah. What else shouldn't work but does work?

I don't know.

There's a couple of things. Yeah. I can't think of them. But I'm sure there is.

There's something.

Yeah, we'll. We'll have to do a bit of. We'll have to think for you guys on that one.

Yeah. Right.

What time we on? We've got nowhere in this podcast. We've got another 22 minutes though. We need to fill.

We have to fill. Or is that because we're trying to get to Saturn and background?

Yeah. Next year we're going to Pluto, baby.

That's what that can be our like gauge of being too on us.

Yeah.

What planet does your podcast get you to and fro?

Yeah, nice we want to know. Yeah, yeah, all right. Okay. On it. Yeah. I've got some ideas how to get more people to listen to this now. That's it. That's it.

Be less abusive.

Nah, more abusive. Yeah. Surely, people, there's so many dog training podcasts that are. There's so many. And they're all boring as. You will listen to them. You will listen to them.

Apparently I listen to one I don't even know I did.

Yeah. But that could have been bumble. And by the way, this isn't me saying that other dog training podcasts are at all. No, I'm just useful, personally. Very useful. And if you want any dog training value, certainly don't listen to this one. Like, if that's how we're measuring the quality of a dog training podcast.

Yeah.

We would be at the very bottom. So happens though, we're in the top one percentile. So go yourselves of something. Not sure what. But my point is there's plenty of dog chain podcasts out there that to me are exceptionally boring about because there's

only so many things hand feeding.

I don't know. Yeah. Before it gets recycled. Yeah. I've come out of retirement since we've had a podcast. This is a pretty big one.

Yeah. We need.

I'm gonna say it on podcast. I'm gonna go play rugby league again.

Brilliant.

And now I have to.

Brilliant. You do? Yeah.

Yeah.

You had to. Anyway.

Anyway, yeah, I did have to. Yeah. I bought a ball to practice with and then Kobe ate it. And then I bought another two balls to practice with. They were then lost. So I bought a third. No, a fourth and a fifth ball.

Nice.

And then found the second and third. So now I have four balls.

Nice.

How good's that?

A plethora of balls.

Yeah. I've got a few balls knocking around. So. Yeah. And what?

The socks.

I've got new fresh Reese World socks. Here's how I got back into rugby league, mate. Let me tell you a little story.

Folded legs and everything.

Yeah. So we're sat there. I don't know where we were. Whether we were in, like, Melbourne or we were in somewhere in Australia.

The treehouse one, wasn't it?

No, Bruce, before that. Because what triggered it? And I was watching the tv, like, this one in one of those pubs, and I saw this kid on telly and I was like, he's got fucking eyeliner on and he's got his fingernails painted. He's in a rugby kit. And like, I've genuinely not rugby in, like, years. So I'M like. And I start watching it and this kid just starts, like, fucking tearing up. And I'm like, what? Anyway, I then follow the finals and then obviously it's Walshy. And then I was like, oh. And then I go home, watch him on YouTube. Yeah, well, Tag, Welshy. There's Walshi. There he is, look.

It's amazing.

And now I want to play rugby again. And look at my hair.

Yeah.

Apparently I was listening to a podcast, James Graham's podcast. The last NRL Grand Final was the first time it's ever, like, beat the AFL Grand Final in, like, views.

Oh, cool.

And like, rugby league in Australia now, is this, like, dominating, really? And they reckon it's thanks to, like, people like Walshy a bit. Yeah. Look, people, pink boots.

It's just Walshi. Yeah, man.

You made a 31 year old. 32 year old now. I've had a birthday since. Oh, yeah, a Wednesday ago. It was like two days ago. Yeah.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, I don't celebrate birthdays. I think it's pathetic.

Hopefully you get some birthday comments, though. I'd like that.

Yeah.

Off Maggie.

She didn't wish me a happy birthday.

That doesn't surprise me.

Yeah, fair enough.

I think you told everyone they weren't allowed.

Do they do? Yeah, I did. To be fair, I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. And then I got upset that no one did. You did, though, several times. So respect. Yeah. You went against the rules.

Always will.

Nice. Yeah, I got some Walshy socks. Got a new gilet. Luigi pissed on it, so then that's

in the wash. Got a day out of it.

It was because if I. I pulled. It must have been the same day. I pulled in from work and Luigi was out, so May called him in and like, picked him up, so he didn't go into my car. And then as I come over, I was like, oh, luge. And like, like this. And he just fucking fountain pissed all down me.

I'm like, what a boy.

He just covered my G lane. My fresh G Lane. Piss pish. There you go. Good to see you too. Thanks. Luge. It's in my mouth, but see, I. Quite a lot going on. Got. Yeah, we got an HR department now. That's gonna make life, isn't it?

Yeah.

We've had a birthday. Maggie's getting a new dog. Hopefully you're getting a dog you can give to Maggie. Anything else changed around here? Just give people an overall update.

Not a good week on the boot camp. Whip it.

Just whip it.

No.

All right.

So he's the first whip it we've had on a boot camp.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You sure?

Neville, she's got a Labrador called Gary and a whippet called Neville.

Yeah, that's quite good that. Brilliant. I'm gonna get two dogs. Cole 1 Reese, Cole 1 Walsh.

Real. Yeah, you should. Real nice lady. Two totally different, like, issues of both dogs. Imagine what Neville's is chasing.

I was either whippet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Nice.

So they've been real good. Little Rupert, the bully from Wales, he's

been a Welsh dog.

Very spicy at the start of the week. But he came to the pub with us. Again, as we mentioned before, everyone from

Wales is loose, dogs included.

Yeah, fair enough. I'll go with it. Yeah.

You've eaten a lot of chalky. You eat a tremendous amount of chalky.

It's insane about crap if.

Yeah, every time I interact with you, you're eating chocky. I can't think of a time like, other than being on this podcast, but I can imagine if there was a

box there where I'd be tucking in.

Yeah. I feel like we should do a Christmas themed one. Like a live one or something and invite everyone. Probably not a live, live one. Like not actually live live live. We.

Does that mean.

I don't know.

I delayed a bit. So can you edit that quick? I don't know.

You still gonna come to my house for Christmas? Are you gonna bottle it? No.

Depending how many fucking dogs I've got. Keep accumulating dogs. I don't know where to put them. Yeah, Intention is too. Yeah, yeah.

And if there's anyone listening to this podcast that doesn't have friends on Christmas Day, this is your formal invitation to come and spend it with Kirky and I. Should we get. I think that design there. And you can, by the way, we should get that design and put a little Santa's hat on him and get Christmas jumpers made.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

What do you reckon in. And we'll wear them. I mean, and we'll do a podcast on Christmas Day. We'll get Susie up. She won't be busy. I can't imagine.

No. And we'll do a Christmas Day podcast live on Instagram.

Yeah, that'll go well. Yeah, it'll go well after a couple of bugs, fizzes. A couple of bucks. Five. Some ports, sir.

Yeah. All right then.

So, yeah, just to wrap up, what dogs should Maggie get? Well, she's already good.

She can get whatever dog she wants as long as it's clear of health issues.

I think that's it.

Yeah.

What if it chases shadows?

I think that's a health issue.

Do you reckon. Knows I'm gonna.

Pretty weird.

I'm not gonna pretend I know that.

Stop it.

It's funny, isn't it? We do, we do, we do care about dog training. I think we're just, we've, we've spoken about it for a long time.

I care a lot about it.

You care? Yeah, we, we do care a lot about it. Yeah, we do. But I think sometimes the industry is a little bit too serious, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, 100%.

Yeah. And.

But my heart will always be. I want dogs and owners to coexist in harmony.

Say it to the camera. The middle one.

Dogs and owners to coexist in harmony for the betterment of both of their lives. That's not. That is true.

Yeah, that's fully true. Yeah.

But my God, will I take the piss out of some people on the

way, on the way there? Yeah, 100%. No one's safe.

Best things about the book camp, day one. Everyone's in there like, oh my God, we're the most reactive dog ever. Can I get my dog out?

One of them caught me ing wanker earlier.

Yeah, exactly. See?

Yeah, I was just like, caught some fucking shit. I was just walking through.

Yeah.

So like progressively they've really come out of their shells.

It's like an inverse relationship. The dogs are going like up and getting better and the language is going down.

Humans are getting progressively looser.

By the end of the week they're just like, ah, yeah, get away from me. Don't get.

Yeah.

Necessarily teach them that. But I do condone it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not gonna stop them. No, it's brilliant. I was thinking, what, what number episodes is this flu?

If it's three, if it's three years worth of like audio time, it's got to be at least episode 4.

What date was the first episode? Can you find that? Susie's gonna find that. And I just. Yeah, 74. 74. This is episode 74. 17th of January, 2022. So. Oh, it's like a four year birthday coming up. Crazy. We probably had like less than a thousand followers then. We probably didn't have a YouTube channel. We didn't have a. Any. Anything that looked like this.

I believe I had a beard.

You had a beard. You had maybe two working knees. A girlfriend having a few since then.

Less dogs.

Less, way less dogs.

They've gained dogs lost pounds.

I've gained pounds. Gained like, you know, over Half a million followers.

What was it?

Three years of listening hours? Yeah.

I mean, terrible.

Yeah. But it felt like yesterday, didn't it?

No, no. Yeah, yeah. With everything does. To me. It's like a goldfish effect.

That's the dementia.

Yeah,

probably. That's the head knocks.

Alex comes into me the other day and he's like, do you remember Jackson Doberman? And then I was like, no. And he was like, told me a story and something about them coming back.

Right.

He comes in the next day, he says again the same thing. Do you remember Jack the Doberman? I'm like, no. He tells me the story again. Coming back in third time, he's like, you must remember Jackson Dober in this time. I was like, rings a bell. Only because you're saying it like that. If I'm honest. Yeah, no, but, yeah, I didn't end.

Are you taking the blue stuff? Methylene blue?

Oh, yeah, yeah, same. Yeah.

It's every day a thing because I have it every day.

Every.

Every other day.

All right, yeah.

So I should theoretically be twice as smart as I rate it, though.

Yeah, I think it does something.

Yeah.

Nad definitely does something.

Yeah. I take that. Yeah. Every day.

Noggin in the energy.

Energy.

Blast them.

Right, should we wrap her up? Maggie, you can get any dog you want. Were there with you 100% of the way. Whether it be a whippet.

Yep.

Or a basset hound.

Oh, nice.

Or a French Buddooge. A Malinois. A Dogo Argentino. Maybe we'll be less there.

Distance. Yeah.

He says I could get any dog. Yeah. Not a Japanese Tosa.

How'd you even get that? Wow.

You got the dog equivalent of C4. Where did you find that? Maggie gets hung off the Dark Web.

I may have got him.

Okay. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. That was another episode of nonsense. Completely.

The guy there.

Non congruent. Hello, guy. Non valuable.

Yeah. There was some value in there.

So I don't think there was, but they keep listening. So sometimes we're up 4, 4, 450 from last year. Her mind.

Where is it?

Thanks, mate. We'll open this parcel Life.

That could be.

This could be horrible.

All right.

Yeah. New AirPods.

Okay.

My last ones went through the washing machine. Shout out to me. Yeah. She was like, do you want AirPods for Christmas? Then I was like, no, you can't wash my AirPods. And then it'd be my Christmas present. Yeah, like me crashing your car and then going like, I'll get you a car for Christmas. No. So apparently we're going to test these out with Maggie later. If you. If you hear another language, if someone speaks to you in a far. Oh, we could test them out with Sim even.

There it is, look. Wait, Converts it.

It converts it.

No way. Yeah, that's like Star Trek.

Yeah. So we don't have time to set them up now, but.

No, I'm so interested in that. Those AirPods can do anything.

Yeah, they can. Time travel. All right, let's wrap it up, mate. All right. Before I get silly.

Wrap it up. Just like Christmas.

Just like Christmas. Bye, Ian. Say bye, Ian.

Bye, Ian.