EP 75: A Normal Podcast... Until It Absolutely Isn't

We mentioned the guy who copyrighted me on the old podcast or what? Yeah, why not? Yeah, all right, all right.

We will not leading with it. Sandwich it.

All right, all right. I'll put it into the middle. I hope you're listening because I don't listen to yours. Loser. All right, mate, what do you want? Yeah, there you go.

How could you possibly tell.

Cheers, mate. Cheers, mate. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. We'll chat about it tomorrow.

Julie. Nid.

Yeah.

Yep. Purposely, though, I thought I was gonna have to. To lead the.

There you are. That's. That is how immersed we are. We're currently doing a podcast in the middle of dog training. Susie gets video. What?

There it is.

Going on. I know. You actually just handed over a flexi Lead Mid podcast. That's how much. We're still in the game. You're still in the game right in there.

Yeah. That's why you gotta have the big pockets. I've even got. Look here, look.

There you go. More brake stick in case anything goes wrong. Yeah. Why is that warm?

So warm things I've put in my recce.

Oh, God.

It's kind of. Yeah, well, it's not the most offensive shape.

No, fair enough.

What?

What?

I had to use it the other day with Flea. Yeah.

Should we talk about Flea?

Yeah, we could briefly give him a little update. I've still got him.

So, our last podcast, we had found a dog. Yeah. The owner of Morrison Supermarket found a dog. And obviously. Yeah, I think so.

I don't know. Yeah, yeah, fine.

He's like in the top three richest people in Yorkshire, so obviously we're in a WhatsApp chat.

Obviously.

5. I'm joking. Which is going to bring me on to a point in a bit, by the way. Someone's getting publicly executed on this podcast today, so you're gonna want to listen. Okay. I'm not happy. I've got to be in my bonnet. Someone has well and truly poked the bear. Do you understand? You bear poking son of a bitch. But we'll come on to that. We're gonna get the nice stuff out the way first and then I'm gonna come in for you. I mean it, too. Don't fuck with me.

Brilliant.

Do not with me. I don't know which camera to look at. Whichever one you're looking through. Yeah. Anyway, so, yeah, we found someone. Found Fleabag. There was Chinese whispers. And you picked him up.

Yeah, because you told me I wouldn't.

Yeah, I was like, nah, you wouldn't.

Got it. In. You wouldn't go get him.

You wouldn't go get him. And now you've got him. And now you've actually finally got a melon flute. You keep saying you're not gonna keep him, but I feel like you are.

Well.

And if you. You know, I'll use reverse psychology to at least get you over the line, I think. Oh, too. Too much for you to handle, was he, mate? Fair enough.

He probably is, to be fair.

Nah, he's not. He's a good boy.

He's a good boy. He's quite a good boy. He's got some niches.

Yeah, go on then. Give us the story of Flea.

All right, well, he knows nothing.

Yeah, fair enough.

He didn't even know Paul.

Yeah, most know Paul. Yeah. Here's. If you're a dog trainer and you want to. Just a quick test on whether a dog is going to be a massive whopper or not, just ask it to give you paw. We do the paw test here, Paul.

Yeah.

He knows he's gonna be. He knows nothing else.

No, no.

I mean nothing.

Well, to be fair to the fleabag, but he didn't even know that.

Yeah. All right. Yeah. Which means he's a proper dog. He's not yet corrupt with.

Yeah. You reckon there's a bit of that politically correct obedience? Yeah. Obviously we're not mad keen on obedience anyway.

No.

But I did have to feed him. He's quite skinny and I'm trying to feed him a lot. I'm going with the Millie's Peak at the moment to try and get some calories.

Who still don't sponsor us, even though we recommend you to everyone. We've probably made billionaires.

That's crazy.

They're probably also in the WhatsApp. Same WhatsApp chat, thanks to us. And. Yeah, that's. That's how. That's how much we care. We. We don't put our money first. No. We've actually will recommend a food label that is just a great food.

Yep.

We've asked them if they want to do work with us and they just keep telling us to get far. And yet for five years we still recommend them, to be fair.

Yeah.

So anyone calls us sellout ever, Ever. Remember that. Remember that. That's a good point. Yeah, I know. We're not terrible. No, they won't have anything to do with us. They literally turf us out. We'll walk into the shop, but I'm like, do you know kilos upon kilos

get delivered here every week, Literally. Especially now. The bag's on board as well.

I go through like four bags a week.

It's crazy.

Crazy.

Four bags a week.

Yeah.

If we didn't recommend them and they just probably supplied us. They do, they do fine.

Yeah. Decent. And then on there, I picked him up on the Thursday, on the Monday night, obviously I was just hand feeding him. I'm just like. I don't know. Hand feed him.

Hashtag dog trainer. Obviously hand feeding.

And because I spoke to.

I don't know where. I've hit my wire. Susie. I did touch it. I did. All right.

And obviously there's like seven days at least where someone can reclaim and all that.

He's obviously got to decompress as well, mate. He's obviously gonna have a three year decompression.

Yeah. I think he decompressed after about three minutes.

Yeah.

And then me and Pabsy were just messing around in here. This. This is another shot. Owen, to be fair, I was basically like, you know, Owen's dog's marker is terrible. I was like, watch this, watch this pubsy. And I did obviously the novel noise and that's. And that was his mark.

That's going to be hard in the cold.

Yeah. And if you've got chapped lips, but you can hear it from a surprising distance.

They can, mate. Yeah.

They've got. They can't.

Yeah. Stark can be really far away and I can go. And he'll.

They.

They lie. They lie. Yeah. There is. Yeah. It's not what they can if they can hear you or not. It's how important it is.

Yeah.

And that is our dog training dues for today.

That's pretty good. That was a good one.

Yeah, it was. There you go. Let's talk.

Let's go.

Let's get into her.

So anyway, he's got a real good marker.

Yeah.

And he comes flying back. That's about it now.

Yeah, that's it.

Yeah. Oh, no, he does recall. Nice. So he's overlaid the recall with the come over that.

Quite easy really, innit?

Yeah, in a way, like it was daft easy. I mean he's a smart little. But it's still easy because kind of

using that as a teaching thing but also like a management thing just. Just to interrupt him before he goes and does something naughty. Right?

Yeah, well, yes, mostly.

Yeah. Theoretically we should. That's what we should be doing.

That's exactly what I'm doing it for. I'll get to that in a second. And

it's like, really, really? How did you condition that marker by the way you just.

I didn't do it in any special way, if I'm completely honest.

Yeah.

I was literally here with Pabs. Yeah. And the dog wandered towards Pabs and I made the noise and he turned around and I gave him the food. And then he did it again. Yes, did it again.

And then I'm in.

The third time. Yeah, the third time I did it, he skidded to a hole and a run flipped round and I paid him and I was like, I think that's his marker.

Yeah. Yeah. So funny.

I mean, he was very motivated for it.

Yeah.

He may. Like, he was pretty skinny. He probably hadn't eaten for a bit. The people who found him had fed him, definitely. They're pretty good people. But if he's had a few days shy of calories, he's going to be motivated, isn't he? So that probably helps. He's also not an idiot.

It's almost like dog training is massively overcomplicated in a way.

Yeah.

You're not going to do too much more else with him, are you? No, I just know. And he'll be a good boy.

Yeah. He probably does need a. Don't do that thing, though.

Yeah.

He's incredibly interested in sheep and cars, foxes, anything that moves. Yeah.

And there's legs, four expenditures or even wheels.

So. Yeah. Last night, obviously, I took him for a depression walk.

Depression. I like how every time you tell me you have depression, I laugh at you, say, no, you don't. And you might do.

But I think that works though, isn't it like, oh, okay, yeah, I don't do it.

You're being ridiculous. Like, let's go train that dog. Come on.

Took him from the antidepressant walk.

You can speak men. Don't be afraid to speak and stuff.

Yeah, don't be afraid to get shot down too.

Don't be afraid to just put yourself out there on a limb and then

potentially get wrecked really hard. Cold truths. So I took him out and I. Obviously, I live on the little. I live on a bridal path. So the first bit's like really nice. I've got him on a 10 meter flexi.

Hit the mute button. No, I did not. Yeah, new wires, guys.

We should get the cup.

We're start gofundme for a couple of new wires. If you wouldn't mind contributing. That'd be great. They're like six pound each. And why we suffered for this long.

We spent it on Millies.

Yeah, yeah, we basically, yeah. The. The owner of Millie's Wolfheart. Now is just like, maybe they could buy a lot somewhere his head with Conor McGregor just.

You could buy as a cable on a jet ski.

Yeah, maybe, maybe. We don't want free food, just a couple of cables. Anyway, sorry, back to three.

So we've started depression.

Anti depression walk.

Depression walk. Got me dog. Got him in a 10 meter flexi. It's similar to the one I just gave him. Real hashtag dog trainer. Could see a few fox eyes in the old head torch for stomping around. It's foggy. Brilliant. Got to the end of the footpath. Fine. Turned the corner. Bloke with a cello on his back and a bag.

You keep saying cello.

Cello.

I don't know what you're saying. You said a few times earlier. I was like, I don't want to ask because I feel like he's saying it so nonchalantly. I should know what a cello is.

My sister played one bro. Somewhere.

Right, firstly, how do you spell it?

C, E double L, O C, E, double double L, A lily, O.

Okay, so you're saying cello, but it literally is in the name.

Yeah. Hello.

I hope it's that Chinese dude that tells you how to say words. You know, the guy that has a whole YouTube channel. What did we get him to say before?

I don't know, but it was good, though.

Cello. Oh, C, E, double L. Oh, is he the same guy? How has he got every word covered?

We are looking at how to pronounce this word as well as how to say more interesting and so often mispronounced vocabulary from music Tubes.

You cannot have a channel on how to pronounce words. Pronounce vocabulary, vocabulary. What the. This is the best. This is the best part of any podcast. You pronounced vocabulary from music too.

So make sure to stay tuned and consider subscribing for more learning. So how do you pronounce that and why?

Well, firstly, how are we meant to trust him now?

Yeah, he's not built trust.

C, E, double L, O. Chicken.

No, no, no. I don't know.

This is a word originally of Italian origin, and in Italian, the letter C by itself before an E is pronounced like ch. This is why even in English, this is pronounced as cello. Cello. Yes, because.

Yes. Yes.

What the bruv?

Brilliant. Yeah.

How has he done every word brilliant like videos on his channel. How Many? He's got 2 million subscribers. To be fair, that shit's on ours, so.

Yeah, but what's his listen hours up to? Because.

Yeah, that's true. You got three. He's got. He's uploaded three minutes ago, four minutes ago, five minutes ago, seven minutes ago. That's pretty good. How many videos you got? How do you tell? 59,000 videos. You like Fairfax, like, being that bad at pronouncing vocabulary, vocabulary, vocalibrary. Having a channel on to pronounce

and

having like that level of effort. Surely someone said to you like, mate.

What?

In a way. Yeah, that's a fair point. That's a very good point.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, so he had a cello on his back.

He had a cello on his back and a bag in his hand and. And fleabag kind of looked at him a bit like. But I popped his marker. He fucking spins around and I give him a handful of fucking Millie's Wolfheart Peak performance.

Check out the link in the bio.

High calorie, nice and dense. So I was like, brilliant, Fine. This will be fucking breezy. Walk up to the top of the road. No problem. Turn right at the top of the road. Now onto a 40 mile an hour speed limit rather than a 30. A car goes past from behind us.

Yeah.

He takes off and I think hit about 38 mile an hour. I lock the lead and then he starts screaming like a Mexican.

A Mexican. I was kind of going like, that's fair enough.

Yeah, I think that's okay.

Yeah, we'll leave that in.

Yeah. Then spins around on the end of

the lead like a beyblade. Yeah, like a Mexican Beyblade.

I kind of was like, surprised at first.

Oh, right.

Then I was like laughing hysterically because

I'm just like, can you film it next time? You shouldn't set dogs up to fail.

No, sometimes you should. You should give them. Well, no, not. I won't do it until I've got

a condition punishment marker.

Oh, nice. That was another dog training thing. Look. Yeah. So I will go and put him in that situation when I've got the hey, you didn't do that. Brilliant. And the hey, don't do that. That's a silly idea.

In a nutshell. You can do one without the other. And basically you're managing the dog until you're equipped with both and then you can show him how to operate in life.

Yeah. So last night I ended up using his posi marker a fair few times to get him away from the road. But he was bouncing back and bouncing back and bouncing back. Like, I maybe like after 38 sessions that he might stop. Don't think he will, though. I think he kind of likes it. Do you know what fucking pisses me off when people Sorry. When people are like, damn it to hell that the dog is terrified of that car. So he's decided to sprint at it like 38-40 mph in it while screaming at the top of his bike.

I'm too fucking scared of you. I don't know. I really not. I'm not buying it.

I was looking at him last night and I don't think he's fucking scared at all. I think he thinks he can take it.

Nah, nah.

Like, ah, there was only a Peugeot. I've got that. Maybe not a Hummer. They're big things, aren't they? But I'm genuinely not. When I was looking at him last night, because I'm not really. I've never seen it in one of my own dogs. Not this is my own dog yet. But obviously we've had people who come in and they're like that. And there's two shifty things with this. Right. So the first one is. Is I'm not convinced that the dogs are terrified of these vehicles going past. The second thing is, if they were, why, when they give me the lead and they walk off, does the dog not do it?

Was it. Was he suddenly not terrified anymore?

Yeah, yeah.

Riddle me that.

Or he must be terrified of me.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Yeah.

So I'm not convinced by that. But anyway. Yeah, so that's something that.

The fuck is that?

Hopefully some ice cream then.

Is that. No, that would be great. We should ring an ice cream van

and get them on our roof. Yeah.

How good would a Whippy be? Summer.

Oh, summer group class.

Mr. Whippy pulls up. He's Mexican. Brilliant. Yeah. It's the donkeys.

It's for the donkeys.

Bring them over, Suze. Got some parcels. Rocking up here.

Could be parcel rules.

You have a dedicated podcast room. But I like the immersive experience of being in. In.

Yeah.

Every day to day stuff. Got some books as per recommendation from the Interweb.

Okay.

I'm just gonna pass a ruler. This one is in German, which is fine because it's called the War of Art. It's to help you with, like creative writing and stuff like that.

Okay.

Maggie, it's cool because we coming too.

German lady works here. She can.

Yeah, she can translate. Why does it come in German, bro? I know.

Why is he driving like that?

What the. Why did he need to speed out like that? Should we. I want to kind of go after him.

Do you?

Yeah.

See? Not scared.

No, opposite.

I want to go chase him down.

Yeah.

Him up.

Oh, no, it's because you're scared of him, though.

Only because of we're being protective over our dogs.

Exactly. Clients. Dogs are ish.

I've ordered a book. It's coming. It's arrived in German, so you can have it. Come on. Come on. I couldn't do it. I tried in school. Failed miserably. Wait there. The rest might be in German.

Why is that one in German? Sake. It's.

This one might be French. Is that French? Max? Yeah. What the fuck is going on? Yeah, Anyone? Have we got a Frenchman?

I've got a bit.

All right. There you are.

I've got two Frenchmen.

Oh, why?

What's going on? Why have you ordered these?

Like, if anyone can figure it out, it'll be funny. If you do, let me know.

Like an extra challenge.

Yeah, like a Tokyo Montana Express. This one's English. There you are. This one's called Obvious Adams. I don't know who.

It's a nice.

Oh, what's his name? Who? He wrote Alchemy, that book. The. The marketer guy. The. He's the head of marketing at Ogilvy. Oh, what's his name? Curly guy. Curly head, sort of very posh.

Like this.

Talks like this. He just said, you need to read this book if you. If you own a business, and that he was just very compelling in his argument. And so I've got. It's the Thinner 1 of 3 news, isn't it? And it's the only one in English, so if only I had pictures. Like a comic book. There you go. Obvious Adams. I'll let you know if it's any good. Anyway, where were we? Dog training, I think.

Yeah.

Fleabag.

Yeah.

When? Ice cream.

Yeah. It was like an interlude.

All right.

Be good if we had an ice cream interlude, isn't it? Yeah. Just halfway through a podcast.

Just some rocks up with a couple of gelatos. Yes. Yes.

I think it's Italian. Not much.

Yeah, it's all good. Yeah.

Yeah.

So I usually both have little mustaches. Yeah. Yours is. You got. No, the Mexican and the Italian.

It was funny this week because on the boot camp, a lady came in and I was talking about Flea. Not by name. And she went, oh, is that dog? Did you go pick him up? Then I was like, wow. Did you listen to the thing? The. The podcast?

That's nice.

It was nice.

That's nice.

Yeah. It wasn't out of the group as well. It wasn't the person you would expect to have listened to it. If you were to pick them. You look in a lineup yeah, you

might listen to it. You look a bit scruffy. You might listen to it. You've got an eye patch on you definitely listen to it. Yeah. You got a proper.

But. Yeah. So I used his posy marker a bit, but it's not one. I don't know.

It doesn't get you. Like, doesn't take you the full nine yards, does it? We know that. Even if it's a really good one, where the dog is running. Puts on the brakes.

Yeah.

Which is like, you know.

Yeah.

Possible.

Yeah.

Is it actually possible to get a very good like positive marker to use as an interruption marker to the point the dog could be chasing something. You can give it.

Yeah, I can.

I was around the other day. I can send Stark to a bite and use my positive marker and spin him out of it.

Yeah, nice.

Right. It can be done, but that doesn't. It just doesn't compensate for absolutely everything at all times. And it's just like crazy to anyone to think it could. Yeah. And I think a lot of people accept that and then go and are aware of that and then go, all right, we just limit how much we can do with the dog and that's not. Yeah, but it's not. It's not good enough.

No, no, not good enough for me. But it's fine to accept it.

Yeah. Yeah.

If that's where you are and that's your.

But if you go ahead and argue, it can take you the whole nine yards.

Liars, man.

Yeah. Someone sent me a reel of some whopper force free dog training the other day and I usually don't give it like time of day, but the guy's just a bit of a prick. Just like with a big bully walk with his client around, just. It's just pulling everywhere to every dog and he's just letting it greet every dog. But it's like proper prey stalking too. Like horrible body language that isn't going to be received well by a dog. At some point it's gonna start a fight and then it's just gonna. And the only reason it's getting maybe less reactive in the, in this video, but not really. It's just because it's kind of getting. Is achieving the function of its behavior and getting to see the dog. And I'm like, why can't you, like, isn't that suit like very obvious? And this is some. That will give out loads of shit online about like palace dog trainers. And I'm like, bro, if you caught, like you don't understand it at a very like, fundamental level. Anyway, that's not even the guy I'm calling out today. That's. That's just caught a crossfire.

Yeah, it's like a warm up jab.

Yeah. Yeah.

All right.

So, yeah, fleabag. He'll be a great dog. I have no doubt. You'll probably do like three things with him that'll be. It won't take very long either. You've just described him to be exceptionally reactive to cars and other shit and horses and that he's.

What? So May messaged me today while we were exchanging some messages about depression and things.

She.

Don't tell me she's got it too, because I'll start thinking there's a common denominator.

She's just asking how he was getting on, obviously, because she was the one who initially got the text off the contact. Yeah. The plug sent her a picky over and told her about last night. She was like, oh, is it bad? And I was like. He was pretty empathic because I was thinking like, he's. He's like, collies are bad for it, right? He's like, collie standard, but bigger.

Does he think about chin in your knee a lot?

No, I don't think he did.

All right. They do like a. A knee chin, don't they?

Yeah, Yeah, I don't. Yeah, he didn't. He did. He definitely didn't think about that last night.

All right.

He was just too busy.

Boot camper's gone.

The giggles in there.

Yeah, giggling. It's giggling again.

Mostly like. Yeah.

Who is that? We're not there. No one's that. No funny ones are here.

They're rejoicing. They're rejoicing that we're not there.

Yeah, that's funny. They did it last time, though. Do you remember when?

Yeah,

Absolute hoot in there. We. We were getting FOMO now, wherever. Yeah, we should probably get all the staff on the podcast. Is there like a. As like a meet the team very quick? Not all at once, but maybe like we'll do one episode and like a 10 minutes with each.

It would be good at it.

I don't know. I think that the light. Some people crumble under the light.

Yeah, they do. Let's go through them, though. No, so like, if we get obviously, like through.

Right.

Yeah. Yeah. Logistically easy to get Suze on here now. Right, sue, how's she going on the podcast?

Bright red. Yeah, Immediately. Bright red for Rudolph. Yeah, Bright red Seasonal. One of the funniest things I've ever seen is Susie trying to break Into America.

He's gone. Brilliant.

I've got a camera on my back.

I'm sorry.

Apparently he asked her a question, she just made a noise back and so he just let her through.

Yeah, fair enough. Yeah. She's gonna be no harm. What about Mags? Where she going?

She'd be all right. She's. She's. Maggie's done some YouTube work in the past. Yeah. She's. She's done some. Oh, cool J Rod style YouTube talking head stuff. I think she'd be all right.

Gerard style. Or.

No, I'm probably less obscenities. Is that a word?

Yeah.

All right. Yeah. Maggie. Interesting fact. Do you know this about Maggie? She used to. She used to sell a program. Men.

Yeah.

About how to pick up chicks.

Yeah.

She was like. You've seen the movie Hitch with Will Smith? Yeah, yeah, she was Will Smith.

Maggie Hitch.

Maggie Smith.

Maggie Smith, Yeah.

All right, we've got another German female version.

We have another Smith here.

Is he not a Smythe?

Nice Smith, but with the Y is creepy in it.

That's Smythe.

Yeah. That's what? That's. Yeah, I'd say that if I saw it ran down. I'm saying Smythe.

Yeah. All right. Yeah. Would he be all right? He's a quiet man, isn't he? I've probably only said, like, five words to him. Yeah. Or vice versa. Like, he opens up, though. All right, Al? He's just got. Yeah, fine. You're. How are you? Fine, mate. And you're not.

Yeah.

That's all I get.

Solid enough.

Nisha's a gobshite, but she'd crumble.

Yeah. Yeah.

She's a full gobshite. She'd give it big licks and then just. Absolutely Internet warrior.

But they're kind of the opposite.

Yeah, yeah.

So to your face. She'll go hard and then like on the open platform.

Mouse.

Yeah. Is she still there? No, she's gone.

No, no, Clodal.

Hey,

I think she'd, like, get nervous. Giggles.

Yeah. Probably should get her on. Yeah, she'll go get her Chloe.

She'll make an excuse. I've got too much on.

Too much work to do.

Let me make you my knees.

Shut up. Work smirk.

Who else have we got?

Oh, go get her.

Oh, and just talk about ra.

Yeah, you just talk about rugby. Let me drink each other's piss and

I know then t win. Oh, he lost it. He dropped the ball over the triline.

Dick of the week. And then I had to drink a pint out of his foreskin. All right, Owen. Too much information. He could take it too far.

Yeah, yeah, he would. Yeah.

Yeah. You ever ask him any question ever? I've stopped.

Yeah, you can.

Yeah, I know. No, you've got to, like, reserve part of your day. Like a dentist appointment. You've got a life.

He's got some serious.

She coming? All right. She can be our first, like. Oh, nice guest.

You might need to check.

You coming on the podcast very quickly? Yeah, just very quickly. Grab a stool. Just for five minutes. No, you can't kneel because then someone will screenshot it and they'll make a. They'll use AI and they'll put a pornhub logo on it and it will get us cancelled. Yeah, we'll see how this goes. Very loose, this podcast, isn't it? Come on, then.

Climb over the table.

Well, we were playing a game.

You can't say, get me off. I can't. I'm a girl.

Poppy.

Unping, unping. Poppy. Poppy. Get me out of here. It's not. I'm a celebrity. Make sure you speak there. Who are you? What do you do at the yca?

I'm Chloe and I'm. I've looked that way. Does it matter?

Well, no, we got it. I don't like it. I know. Well, this is the game. We were thinking, if we invited every staff member on the podcast, who would be actually good? Would they crumble?

I'm not crumbling.

Are you kind of like. I refused to crumble? Yeah.

That's what I like about you. But there was definitely a moment of.

There was crumb. Yeah. There was at least a sprinkle of crumb. Go on.

I'm Chloe and I am the general manager at yca.

Yep.

Or Herder, according to the website.

Yeah. Why does it say that?

Because it's basically what I do.

Yeah. Yeah.

You're sending me the same email many times. Because I didn't.

Is it?

I get too many emails, is what he said this morning. I was like, yes, but the ones from me are always very important, which

is a valid point, to be fair. I've got 15,660 in my inbox. It seems like too much, bruv. That's not intimidating.

You should apologize to Fred for that right away because she would have. She's gonna have a meltdown if she hears.

Oh, she already knows.

Oh.

She kind of offered to have a look at him for me.

I was brave enough. Fred cannot have a single, unopened, unread message in her inbox.

It's quite good.

Everything Is sorted, like, so perfectly.

You seen that? Filth bags, desktop.

Oh, no, Mine's probably as similar.

Yeah. Poppy, ping one up. Even if we have to get it out of duress, like, ping it up this. She needs some. She needs to be called up for it.

I was just thinking, how long have

you worked at the yca?

Three years.

Is that. Oh, have you. You the longest standing staff member or Susie? Susie is nice. Susie. She needs a testimonial here. Yeah, we'll get a shirt made in that. Yeah, that's cute. How long are you done? Three and a half, maybe. And then you come after.

Yeah. Because Suzanne had too much to do.

Yeah. Plate was full. Divide the plates. What do you like about working here?

Is there anything?

Going home on a night?

No, I'm joking.

Hey, now, you lot are all great. That's pretty much.

It's pretty much it.

Pretty much it.

Yeah.

I get nice plans.

It's a. Yeah. No, we do.

Anything else you like?

Yeah, you lot. And I get to bring my dogs to work every day. Kevin's in there tormenting staff members now.

Nice. Just wrecking ball in that.

Yeah.

He's not too bad in there, though, is he?

Oh, when I'm there. Ask Suzanne. I left her with him for 30 seconds the other day.

Really?

He is quite literally just.

When was this?

When was Susie down there, like.

Oh, no, she was.

What?

Can I tell you what she was doing?

No, I'm only trying to. I don't actually care.

He doesn't care.

I don't care.

Okay, fine. Anyone tell? But he's literally just tried to launch himself at Maggie's head because she was eating a cheese and onion roll. He tried to, like, barco her off the chair.

So. He's not a dog trainer, by the way. Just to caveat that. Yeah. We're not going to leave anyone's dogs in Chloe's responsibility. Yeah, yeah, definitely.

They'd be great.

But it'd be. They'd have a great time. Brilliant time. Be like the best holiday they've ever had.

Just.

Just so we're clear.

Yeah.

They wouldn't come back any better behaved, though. Probably worse. What would you change around this place if you could? Besides the triangle? Oh, yeah, you touched on the triangle. The triangle, yeah. We're doing a revolution. A. What is it? Yeah, Revolt.

Yeah, I think that's revolution.

All right, fair enough.

What would I change? I don't actually know because most of the things that I would have changed have already changed. Like, my biggest complaint would have been that I was Cold all the time. And now I'm not anymore.

If anything, too hot.

Right, let's give a shout out to. I've got on a phone somewhere a picture of Chloe in the old stable dying of cold. I'll try and find it for Pops. But let's give a shout out to the old center versus the new center. You've got pictures of the old center, and I took just a very nice one of the new center today. So that's a crazy translation. That's a real glow up.

A real glow up. If anything, these newbies need to experience a winter.

We keep saying that they need to do like a get me out of here. Yeah. Like you just send them all down there. Last man or woman standing.

Yeah.

Gets to keep their job. We just run that. That's the new hiring process.

What? Michael quits first. Easy.

You reckon?

Plays golf, mate.

Yeah, fair enough.

Pretty good. Apparently, too.

Apparently Mutnut plays golf. I don't want to get him again because he gets every podcast, but you're not surprised, are you?

No. Nah, it's Dubai. Solely Dubai to solely play golf city.

Yeah. Some sort of holiday. Yeah.

It was a stag D. In his defense, golf.

Stag do sounds crazy.

Porsche.

That's pretty.

The out. All right.

Yeah. Nice.

Am I done?

What?

Am I done?

No, you can stay there for the remainder of the podcast.

You arean.

We got 10 minutes.

All righty.

You.

We can use you as just sit there.

Yeah. Do you want to show everyone your crocs? They're cool. Chloe sells feet pictures, by the way. Anyone's interested, you can buy these crocs too. They're very worn. Pugnant pungence.

Pungent.

Yeah, Punani punant. Did you see the books I ordered? I ordered three books. One was come in German, one come in French, one. The little one. Thank God. English. We can also another book ordering mishap yesterday ordered another one and it come tiny and I was reading it with a tiny hand, so we'll put that up there. Yeah, that's true.

Those tiny hands have paid for themselves.

Oh, so good. Yeah, so good. Fling them up, pops. Ah, that the. The tiny hands were funny. We could maybe try and like, cap this podcast around with.

No, you got to get stuck into the dude, man.

Oh, yeah, this dude, he books a call to talk about my mentorship, and he's like, yeah, I want to sign up. I'll sign up tonight, tomorrow or whatever. He's quizzing me, obviously, about business and stuff like that. And, like, I don't want to be A massive dog here, but, like, he's running his business like a fucking idiot. And I tell him straight, like, you're gonna just run yourself into the ground by doing all this stupid shit you're currently doing. And I give him some good ideas, right? But, like, this guy genuinely didn't know his, like, ass from his dick.

That's the saying, yeah, that is the saying. Yeah.

And if it wasn't, it is now. And anyway, like a week later, he's fucking posted on YouTube, like, business advice for dog trainers, using the same shit I spoke to him about in that call. And he was talking about, like, your message is too diverse. And I also mentioned it on a webinar recently. I'll check if he attended. I can imagine he might have done. And so stay away from these fucking charlatans guys, you know, and all, like, do it and just. Yeah, you're just going to get burned. For the record, you know, we've run a pretty successful business here over the last couple of years, wouldn't you say?

It's not so bad.

No, it's pretty good. Trained shit. Ton of dogs. Shit ton of dog trainers. Anyway, just thought I'd get out. I'm not gonna name it. He has a. He has a. He has a podcast that isn't as good as ours, let's just put it that. That way. But, yeah, I hope you listen and you can go fuck yourself. How about that? How about it? Yeah. Anyway. Anything else? Anything else?

Canine optima got stuck into you again, didn't he?

Did he?

Oh, you Wait. Selfie thing.

Yeah, that was funny. Yeah, he's very good.

They both actually text at the same time.

A similar thing. What was it? You can't just.

We got to pick them up for it to doly thing.

That is true.

That is. Yeah, it's factual.

It's the way resistance training works.

But what did he get me with? He said if it was all about staring at a camp, like stood behind a camera, you'd already be massive or something. Good point. He's got good crack, to be fair.

Yeah, he does.

Quite witty with it. I. I really appreciate it.

Not had him.

Yeah, I don't know.

Let's get him on there.

Yeah, that would be a great one. Very entertaining.

I like him.

Come on, let's try and get him here in person, like Christmas Day, so I can fight him personally and then we'll do the podcast.

Christmas Day lunch.

I think he's got a family and stuff and like that. He's got people that love him, unlike Some of us. Depression. Have you got depression, too?

Why?

Who's got depression?

He has. Apparently not. That's exactly my response.

It's the time of year.

It's the time of year.

It's called sad.

No, you've got the sad. I first got the ass version of depression. It's called the upseties, the whingies. The sad sads. You.

I first got it in Australia.

What do you mean?

It wasn't dark there. I don't think I said caught it today.

I don't know.

I said, that will go wrong. We'll go back first.

Got it in Australia.

How the can you catch it there on a beach?

That's why it was so crazy.

And probably true. Probably true.

If you can catch it in Australia,

you can catch it.

Yeah, that's like catching AIDS at the doctors. That's like catching syphilis at church.

Yeah, yeah, that's the best one.

Yeah, Probably. Kind of likely. Oh, inserts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was back at the doctors.

Oh, no, I won't. That's like training your dog at Zach George's house. It's just not happening. It's just not happening, bro. That's like this, you becoming a millionaire after listening to this Whopper's YouTube channel. It's not happening. You give him depression in Australia. It's like the happiest I've ever been in my life.

Exactly.

Yeah.

If anything, you should have got depressed as you come back.

I think it was your happiness that made me so.

You did get depressed. You had depression when you came back.

Yeah. Yeah, rightfully so, too. Yeah, it was. It was awful. You try and be me. You have all those people there thinking you're some sort of God, and then you come back here and you go get spat on by you also realizing that's, you know. Oh, I got T shirts made for me out there. Look, real T shirts made.

You got one on.

Yeah, I'll try.

That's perfect. Perfect timing. And people realized you weren't short.

No, you're not. For a game. As a honey badger.

Sick.

Yeah, it's cool, isn't it?

Why have we not got all. Why have we all not got.

No, they only giving me one, which is weird. They didn't even give him one. Or the mutnut.

We just stand and watch them give it to him.

Mutnut got me two T shirts for you and I for. For my birthday, which I need to bring. They're funny.

They're good.

Jesus Christ. Someone's kicking the door down. Sorry, guys. We Gotta go Amazon. Yeah. Doing donuts in the car park.

Boop.

The door down.

Here.

Have these German books.

You. All the best.

Yeah, all the best. Reading them. Can't. You can barely read in English. You. And then off. And I'm just sat here thinking, I wish I was in Australia. I'm a different guy out there. Yeah. I'm swimming with sharks. I'm like fighting sharks, wearing budgies, signing titties. What?

I've got an idea.

Careful about your books. Oh, go on then.

So you've obviously got your new headphones. Why don't you read them to yourself? Your headphones will translate.

But he needs to be able to say the words.

Give me, give me.

Give him that English. Give him the English one first.

This one's French. Pick another. I can say that bit.

Go on, then.

It's in English.

That's exactly what it says. That's exactly what it says.

Since when? Who died? Make you big long. Pretty good.

That's pretty good.

All right. What you mean? Okay. Clearest day on the mics. Oh, was it? Maybe I should always speak in French. Brilliant. Brilliant. Cookie's going to do this.

How did you do that?

That was crazy. You have a go. Very good to let me pick a page. Lean into the mic, Chloe. Come on.

Yeah, because that's.

You should have stopped at the first three words.

Oh, yeah.

Groucho Marx.

Oh, you know.

Is it Grouch?

Moxie.

Grouch.

Like Oscar the Grouch.

No, that's a Muppet. I think. I don't.

So what's this book about? Do you know?

No, he was just recommended from. You can tell me. What's his name? No, not that one. It was just book talk. Yeah. The guy who is the marketer guy that wrote Alchemy. Rory Sutherland. There you go.

Oh, yeah, there you go.

There you go. Osmosis. So to summarize, I think we got there in the end. We did start talking about dogs. Doesn't normally stay on topic. You don't have to overcomplicate it.

To train a dog, that was the key. Takeaway rescue dog.

Just manage them. Don't let them get too much wrong. Early doors until you've equipped them with the appropriate tools to deal with everyday life. Once you've done that, start exposing them to it. But only once you have well and truly sharpen the axe. The decompression thing is a load of nonsense. You're probably going to just leave a large margin of error by leaving it too late before giving that dog the adequate level of feedback to be a constructive canine, safe citizen or whatever. Yeah, it's weird.

You like blackout almost come out. Yeah. See, come out with a load of like sensible stuff and then it's like

just back to being an idiot. Yeah, I prefer idiot mode.

Yeah, we do.

Yeah. Sounds. I think most people listen to this podcast does. Yeah, those. They would have stopped listening. If they stop listening, they're not here right now.

Time stamp it with a little bit of.

Yeah, there's. Yeah. 16 minutes 33 to 16 minutes 36. There's some dog training there. And at 52 minutes 40 to 52 minutes 48, there's a bit there too. Everything else you probably don't need to

do a good job of getting stuck into someone. Yeah, people need a lesson in how to do that.

Yes.

Also pretty good.

Yes.

Also a decent French lesson for yourself.

French session. French lesson. Yeah. You're all pretty much fucking fluent now.

Yeah.

Bilingual, bi lingual. We're just very quickly going to plug a few things. Kirk's running a dog trainer development program is specifically built for those that are not yet able to solve people's problems, essentially to improve your skill set. There's no business, there's no marketing. It's completely separate from my business mentorship program. Um, if you're interested in that, just DM the word development to YCA's. Instagram. My Instagram, not Kirky's. He will ignore you. Of course. You want to train your dog with us, you can just again DM us on Instagram. One of the very organized ladies will look after you. Coming through there. You won't get ignored by Kirky or I. And then finally, if you want to, if you want to come on to my business mentorship, just DM me the word

monkey.

Monkey. Yeah. Yeah. If you wanna, if you wanna inquire about the business mentorship, we've got some phenomenal assets for you in terms of the. Someone messaged me yesterday about the business brain, saying it's literally stopped them hiring an extra member of staff because it's just so good at like what it does. It showed them how to. So by the way, the business brain is basically every one to one call I've ever done, every group call I've ever done, every sop, which stand in operating procedure of how we run all of our business marketing and all the rest of it, all of our expert clinics, from ads to email marketing, as well as all the program content of the business mentorship itself. Every new call I make, I upload it to. Um, and so it is just, like, very well educated specifically for dog trainers. And, yeah, it's just one of. One of the features of the mentorship. I'll. I'll. I'll actually. If you send the word cock monkey to the YCA's Instagram account, I'll send you a trial. So people in the mentorship can obviously use it as basically a staff member and ask an infinite amount of questions. But if you message me the word cock monkey, I'll send you a trial, you can ask it three or five questions and. And you can see for yourself how great it is. All right. Anything else you want to plug? Do you want to plug something?

All right, go on.

Your feet pics.

Yeah, hit me up for feet pics.

He DM the words I drove into

the wall last night, so I need to fix my van. Hence why I need feet picks again.

Which van?

Funny, Once we drove into the gate, too.

Oh, yeah, no, the gate was nothing.

That's YCA's van.

I know. I'm the last person to do it, though. Oh, she is.

So everyone else has crashed their bands. We got. We've got all our stuff banned, by the way. There's a fleet of them. We'll put a picture up here.

Alicia's done.

Right. That's something nice to do. And they've all crashed it, apparently. And I'm only just finding this out live on the podcast. It's okay.

I'm selling feet pigs to fix them.

Okay. Okay. No one's gonna buy them unless you're into, like, you got like a weird fucking. Like, you gotta.

Squeaky clean.

Unless you're into marsupials. Yes.

I'm sorry, hang on. You drew the fucking Defender into that door.

That's mine. I could drive off a bridge if I want to.

It's not.

I know, but, you know, this kind of whole thing is kind of. Anyway, we won't get into that. We don't need to monkey measure right

now, but the point of it was buy my feet pick so I can fix my fan, please.

What's he. What have you done to it?

It's not bad, just sweet.

We're gonna put a picture up here of the scrape. What happened? What did you hit?

I was overstimulating.

Has Owen done his?

No. Unless he's done it at your house. Has he? It's easy to do the cookie size.

All right. But yours is good. Tony's house. Tony's gonna.

Oh, Tony's is fine. She can drive.

All right, so it's just you and Alicia that are me and you in all vehicles. Yeah, yeah, fair.

Yeah, yeah, the big one.

Yeah, fair. No, that is good. Remember, I got stuck on a snowy mountain that time as well. It was like Everest. What's it called, Face.

What's it called?

Beer scamp. Yeah, pretty much.

Pretty much, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

All right.

Yeah, all right, fair enough. Yeah, yeah.

Wind those neck.

Yeah, I will do. All right, sorry. Yeah. All right. All right, then. Yeah, we didn't really get anywhere on that podcast, but we never really do, so we kind of did in a way. Someone got some. Couple of people got some crossfire.

Crossfire was kind of directed.

Yeah, it was more. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It wasn't directed fire, but that's better.

Yeah, because, like, there's no collateral right down the.

Yeah, yeah, just go straight out the fucker.

Yeah, nice. That's a good point. That's a good point. Yeah. Do you want to sign us off, Chloe?

What do you normally say?

Well, hang on. You should fucking know what we say. Yeah, you should know.

You do listen to it sometimes, to be fair.

Yeah.

Come on. What's the last thing we say on every single podcast? Don't help her. In fact, turn around.

Suzanne, stand in the corner.

Naughty. Bad elf. You're getting dragged on next week.

Bad alpha. Yeah, nice.

Alpha.

Yeah, you can be in the hot seat. Yeah. You can run spinning the cameras.

Hot. When you don't know how they finish it, to be honest.

No.

Don't know.

No. What do you mean?

If I'm being perfectly honest with you both, I've listened to probably three of these podcasts in my whole life. One with the matna.

No, okay, cut that out.

One with the worst episode ever and Dog Mom's masterpass.

Yeah, Right. If you're gonna listen to any, you probably.

Yeah.

Dog mum. If you've not yet a dog Mum. Smash or pass. That's probably one of my favorite episodes.

Yeah. Do you also realize that I get all the outtakes as well?

Yeah, that is.

Yeah.

That is one job we didn't mention. A very important job you have is like the other gatekeepers to stopping us getting canceled.

Yeah.

Because you. Yeah. You censor. You allow your. You're the filter through to the podcast.

Yeah.

So if you allow us to exist. Yeah, yeah. You're like.

If anything, I'm sort of apologetic to the people who wouldn't take offense. Some of it is absolute gold.

But the funniest bits are the most censored bits. We were thinking, like, we might do, like a. Like a paywall. You can access the uncensored, but you've got to sign an NDA. You'd have to. Yeah, because some of the. We said last week. How. How long did that podcast end up being?

It wasn't that bad, actually. I think what? Poppy cut about 15, 20 minutes out of it. Oh, that was 15. 20 minutes.

20 minutes, yeah.

20 minutes. It's quite a lot. 20 minutes.

Well, it was an awful. And 15 long, anyway. Yeah. So she took you down to, like, the 58 minute mark, I think.

Oh, nice.

We need to figure out what planet we're going to.

And I've listened to it all. You're both horrendous and needed to be cut.

I don't think I was.

No, you were actually surprisingly bad. I thought better of you.

Him?

I expect it of you.

Oh, fair enough.

Fair enough then.

Yeah. All right,

you dirty. You filth bag. I can't remember what it was. You'll have to tell us after.

Okay, I've got it.

What do you mean, you've got it? Oh, God, we're gonna get blackmailed. We are gonna get blackmailed. I've got it. It's there. All right, well, how do I sign you off? I say, say, bye, Ian.

Say, bye, Ian.

Bye, Ian.

She gets it. Look fancy by Ian. All right, see you later, guys.