EP 81: We Fought An Uber Driver ("No, Fk You!")

What dog's talking down there then?

I don't know.

He's having a bit of a Tudor, isn't it?

Yeah, I'm a bit of a whinge, mate. This episode is brought to you by Choco Mel.

Choco Mel.

This is the episode. We agreed that they need to bring their own Choco Mall to listen to it on its release and then they're going to take a photo and they're going to tag us.

That'll be brilliant. So, yeah, what if Choco Mill, a universal worldwide soul production. Because you can only assume we've got a lot of listeners in other countries, portions of the uk.

Only assume.

You can only assume global. Yeah, that was seven listeners. Well spread out.

They're well spread out. Can I, can I. Yeah, you can rip in, mate.

Yep.

I'm gonna finish my dessert based coffee. Tony made it for me because the coffee machine, the official coffee machine is broken again. What do you think we've done here? More trained dogs or broken coffee machines? It's got to be close, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, we've broken a few coffee machines in our time. Remember that one that was all fucking. Do you remember the one that was all fucking old inside, basically?

Yeah, but that wasn't the worst one. The worst one was the one that the.

The rats ate.

Yeah, the creatures were living in.

Yeah, that's true. To be fair, we're lucky with that one.

We.

I know someone actually pulled some plastic in it. No, the current one.

Oh, yeah. So why wouldn't you pause a bit

of plastic into the, into the bean tray?

Yeah, obviously. How old? You end up to it as well.

Yeah. Maybe they did it without knowing. Maybe one of us did it without knowing.

Not me, mate.

I wouldn't be seen like toughen up, obviously.

No, you.

I have zero chance of me being you.

To be fair. You literally just said Tony made you this coffee.

Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I was caught out in a lie and.

But it was one that kind of benefited you, really, because it eliminated you from the possible crime of breaking the coffee machine.

Yeah, I was told everyone I couldn't use that coffee machine had no idea how it works in any way, shape or form.

Although a little birdie tells me when you have the same machine at home.

Yeah, this is how I was caught out. Yeah, I can use that one.

Yeah.

But, yeah, I was getting away with other people making me coffee. I was basically doing the coffee making equivalent of, oh, me no speak or no English.

Can you. He did, he did. It was a very nondescript accent.

Yeah. That could have been anywhere from Mexico to Kathmandu to Uruguay.

Yeah. All right, then.

Who's that singing and where?

I don't know.

It's not going to probably pick up on this.

Yeah. Somehow when he arrived in the car park the other day and came in like, hey, yeah, yeah. Can I say that, sir?

Yeah, yeah, cool. It's actually true. He actually says

a hill.

Oh, my.

There's the dog in the. In. I think it is in your van. It's going crazy.

What dog is it?

And I was like, oh, it's mine.

It's not.

It's just.

It's fine. It's one of our. It's one of my own.

He's just got some heavy fomo. We've just been out having a great time. I just had to pop him away for 10. And he's. He's basically saying he'd rather not be in there, Sonny, isn't he? And sometimes he gets himself out. He pulls lock barrels out of crates and mad, you know.

Have we told the you story on the podcast?

No, but I was thinking about it the other day.

We're allowed to. No, because it did happen and he didn't say it like that. Do you want to tell the story? Is it not that funny when you're not there?

I don't know.

It's all right, we'll tell it.

Yeah, it's all insane. You tell us if it's funny. I don't know. You tell him.

Tell us. So we're in Sydney, Australia. I. I feel like we've talked about Australia a lot and we can't let it go. Probably not anyway.

Maybe throw it back a bit.

Move on.

We're just clawing back.

Move on. Any little story that comes from there.

Yeah.

This one day there was a pigeon on the street and it did the shit and it almost landed on me, but it didn't have. I told the first story where I got fucked up by seagulls, though. I don't know.

I was just thinking of that exact same story.

Yeah, no, you will. I'm pretty sure you did. Just let us know if you need to hear that story. It's actually a really good story.

Triplied seagull.

Seagull in the guys. Oh, yeah. In the description. In the description.

That's down.

Which episode is it when it had all the links? All right, anyway, so we're heading to the airport to move on to one of our location two.

That pace. We were not early.

Yeah, we weren't exactly on time. Although, like, at least like cutting it thin, cutting it dry, cutting it fine.

I believe

I got you heard about the shield?

Yeah. They were very quick to tell me.

Oh, hell, they're wankers on there.

They were very quick to put the sword in.

Come here. He's saying the wrong words again.

They love it, don't they?

Any little jibe.

I believe they take wages. How many times you'll say certain words these days?

Yeah, they did. They were playing J Rod bingo and I said, who won?

Who got the money?

What was the one I said nine times in 13 minutes?

Oh, donkey.

Donkey woke. Yeah, it was. Yeah, Donkey work. Anyway, we're late to the airport. Taxi driver pulls up. I don't know who ordered the cab.

Me. It was an Uber. Uber xl. Was it?

Yeah.

This is the whole point. This is one. This is relevant to the story because obviously we had a lot of bags,

got a lot of baggage. Is here.

Emotional baggage.

Yeah, I think they got that.

But yeah, emotional and with baggage.

Yeah, we had literal baggage with us. A lot of it as well.

Lots of it. And then obviously you ordered the big one so that we could get the extra bags and even though we didn't have like necessarily the humans to support the baggage.

And what van rocked up, Ian? What type of. It was a van Was. It wasn't like a sprinter size. It was.

I don't. I could be wrong, but it could have been a. Was it a Mitsubishi Outlander or something? Theft thing, like hybrid. I don't know, like with the charcoal biscuit.

Yeah.

Anyway, it was a big thing.

It's a big vehicle. Enough vehicle for a big man, a couple of his big friends. Not as big.

No. But reasonably sized.

But reasonably sized. Popular belief. Not short. Definitely not short. We're going to do a whole podcast. How tall is J Rod now? I'm just going to measure me for an hour.

For one hour.

Every single nook and crevice.

Brilliant.

Nook and cranny. What's wrong with me? Have I had a stroke at some point and not realizing, just intermingling.

What. What even are those things? Like sayings?

Just.

Oh, they are called parables.

Parables, fables. Yeah, yeah, all right, fair enough. Anyway, back to the Uber xl.

Yeah. We intentionally ordered a big one.

Intentionally.

The biggest literal and metaphorical baggage. Yeah.

So we start, we get the bags to the back.

Yep. Ready to go.

Ready to go.

Some non descript Asian guy shows up.

Yep.

We can't say where otherwise. That's not, you know, I can't say he's Korean. And he could be South Korean. All right. So I'm just going to leave it there.

I was going to say, do we even need to say he's Asian? But it's kind of part of the story, isn't it? I don't do.

Yeah. So then you want me to go.

Yeah.

You don't mean to get cancelled.

Well, you. It was. Yeah.

I wasn't.

I was the antagonist.

I was like a side chick in it.

I don't know how he led to that point, though.

No, I'm not. I put a couple of the bags in.

Yeah.

He started taking it out.

Yeah. So good. He's putting the bags in, and this guy just starts taking them out. And I'm like, oh, Kirby's obviously not got the order, bro.

Yeah, right.

Which is this guy's obviously experience. Like a game of Tetris. Throw that up there. Tetris. And he's. Yeah, it was obviously like a wet distribution issue in my head.

They were going in easy. I was thinking, there doesn't really need to be a process. It's like, almost too much room.

There's a.

Plenty of. Plenty of room. Just to reiterate here. A lot of room.

So I'm just fucking throwing them in.

He's putting them in, he's taking them out. We're not really sure why. And then it ends up almost like a conveyor bag where he's taking it out, he puts it in, and then it just fucking. Yeah.

And then I paused. Cause I was like, well, obviously he's unhappy with my work. So then the scale tipped and there were more bags out than in.

Yeah. So we're back to square one, almost.

Yeah. And I'm, like, looking at him, and he shuts the boot and starts to walk around the side and. Which. At which point you were like, what the.

What's going on? And he's going like, no, no. Order, order new taxi. Order new taxi. Something like that.

Yeah.

We like, what? Why? And then. Did I say my line?

Yeah, I think he did.

And at this point, I said, well, you, mate. To which he replied. And again, I quote, no, fuck you. We all took us by surprise. He got in his van, flipped us the bird, and off.

We're just like, what?

What just happened? We had more respect for you.

Yeah, we did. We actually did.

There was a period of silence where he just drove off. He sped off with this rubber burning in the fucking. In the air. In the sweet Australian air. And then we just fucking curled over laughing. Birds were fuming because we were Late for something.

Yeah, the fight.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, fair enough. Yeah. It was a good moment. Fuck you. Yeah. Which is how he said it. I don't know, like. I don't know if it's all right or not to do an Asian accent, but that's how it sounded.

Yeah, he did.

It's accurate. So I don't know what you like.

It was a funny story.

We're leaving it in. We're leaving it in. We're leaving it in. Yeah, it was fun.

Yeah.

So we'll often reference him. He has, like, what. What I love is there's some random nondescript Asian taxi driver in Sydney somewhere that has probably never thought about us again.

No, he probably does that daily. Yeah, he daily does that.

But he lives in our head on a daily basis, really. Maybe once a day. He has a very special place. And in fact, if you're listening,

that'd be amazing, wouldn't it?

Yeah, full circle. We'll get him on the pot. A flying mouse. There he is, look.

Baggy's gonna stay outside.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's funny. It was funny. So, yeah, shout out to that guy who just stuck it to the man. He stood up to three big blokes. He went, no, fuck you. Okay, okay, but that's.

There's an analogy there, isn't there? They remember the, like, little taxis when they tell big Roys. And that's a you.

Oh, we give him some serious reinforcement that day.

He's doing that every day now.

Yeah, he's just walking around like this. The leader of a biker gang.

Remember the other taxi guy when I was trying to ask him questions and he was just.

Just laughing at you.

Hi, mate.

So you've done this long.

Literally that last.

Okay.

It was so weird.

You pursued it, though. You really tried to get something out of him.

It was.

Just got nothing.

It was like when they get those dogs and they won't play and you're running around like a dick for like, 40 minutes

and they're just like, whatever. Slight tail wag, much else twitching to the left.

Slay.

Oh, my tummy's actually hurting. That was funny. Oh, yeah. Shout out to that dude. He was great. I actually, like, hayed him for a second. And therefore, after I saw. Wow. Yeah, Amazing. You stand up for what you believe in.

I will remember that forever.

He has set boundaries, too. He has loads of redeeming characteristics.

I'd still like to know his motivation behind it, though.

Yeah. Because, like, me to this day, there was enough room for the suitcases.

Comfortably more suitcases if there were any left. But, like, he's taking the time to drive there. He's got a fare waiting right there.

Yeah.

And then he was just like, do you know what?

No, I fancy that's. Yeah, yeah.

You. Yeah, don't fancy that.

Don't fancy it.

Yeah. What was his problem? I really don't know.

Ah, kudos to him.

Yeah, fair enough. Sometimes you've got to make a decision and stick to it.

Yeah, yeah. You just gotta. Yeah, yeah, I'm doing it. It makes no sense. Don't know. I'm doing it committed now, aren't I?

Yeah.

All right, We've created our new free private community. The link will be in the description. And you've been doing your public live debut type thing.

Public, yeah. I've got like a little. It's like the precedent. I stand in something of the thing and I address people.

I don't.

It's all.

Yeah, yeah. If someone tries to shoot you, Zach George tries to assassinate.

That'd be brilliant, wouldn't it? I'd say I'd be a martyr for that.

Yeah,

yeah.

Good one this week. Well, it was good one the first week, to be fair. The inaugural one was good.

How many attendees did you have when the first one goes to the second one? Just some arctic marketing metrics.

Answer that question. So if someone could put some stuff for me.

Here's week one. Here's week two attendance.

Week one.

It's growing.

Week two. Always start off with a little ignition topic. Oh, dear. Just to poke a few bears.

What was last this week's ignition topic?

This week's ignition topic was essentially, sometimes it might be worth using punishment over reinforcement.

And they give a fuck about it.

They did.

There you go.

They did. They said it was quite interesting.

What sort of people show up?

A big mix. There's a few people from the TWI program. All right. There's a few people who've graduated from that, but just like keeping their tools sharp. Few people who've even been on boot camps. And then a lot of people from inside the free community who are just getting a taste and a feel of for it, I think just getting warmed up. Getting warmed up.

Getting warmed up to our indoctrination or

if they're listening to me, getting waffled up.

Right.

Yeah. Obviously they get opportunity to ask a few questions about their own personal dogs. There was some. Some pretty good questions. It's difficult, obviously, to be too much in depth because you only get, like a little snapshot of it. But, yeah, obviously, but hopefully they're usually saying they're getting a bit of value out of it, which is nice. Yeah, Nice. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, nice. Any questions worthwhile us talking about now? There's a dog training podcast.

I'm not really.

There was a lot. You know what? There was a bit of a theme of fence fighting. Really. Module. Yeah, we could. Yeah, yeah, that'd be worth it. Because a lot of people approach it in a very similar way. That doesn't. That may interrupt it momentarily. But doesn't.

We're just dragging the nook away.

Yeah, yeah.

This doesn't work.

I mean, there's an element of, like, the other dog's a complete asshole. I can't let him do it.

Yeah, the neighbor's dog's an asshole. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, yeah.

How did you stop your dogs killing your chickens? You haven't, have you?

No.

Ian.

No.

I will fence.

I do.

Fair enough.

I do have a fence. Yeah. It's management, mate. It's management. Fucking shit.

Do you think they all would try?

Jon would definitely try. He would kill anything. Right? Not anything. Like, he loves people.

Anything about people. Yeah, fair enough.

Flea definitely would reckon. Yeah.

Stark doesn't process birds exist.

Nah, he's like. He took off after a pheasant just this morning.

Oh, did he?

Yeah, he's not seen one before. And it came out of the hedgerow and started flying across the field and he started also flying up.

Do you know what?

He kept up with the fucker. I was surprised.

Yeah.

So he's like pheasants, like, doing this and he's doing this. But they're underneath each other. Like. Like they're adjacent as I'm watching it pan out.

Oh, nice.

It was. Yeah, yeah.

Like. Like.

Yeah.

Like a Transformers movie when they're about to merge. Like Power Rangers, you know, bird dog thing.

Yeah.

We can't possibly defeat him on our own. We have to come together. They make a super. Yeah.

Super bird.

Or is it a pheasant? Yeah. So Ranger dolls chase pheasants. Martha and Luigi have no chance of catching them. When ranging dolls do catch them, though, they don't know what to do and they just let them fly off.

Yeah. Do you know what? Rita surprised me like that when she caught Magpie in the garden.

Just like.

And then was just like. As soon as it stopped moving, she was zero interest. Yeah.

Now.

Oh, hell.

Oh, not that one.

Is this a live wrestle?

He's been podcast on dog walking.

Yeah, fair enough.

That's the worst ever after. You haven't Done podcasts on dog walking. Congratulations. Good to see you. This like Alton Towers, isn't it?

Just like Alan Towers. There we go.

I'm not posh enough for Disneyland. Published a western thing or something. Donkey sanctuary.

Donkey sanctuary, yeah, same.

Such a big market for stray donkeys,

mate, in this country.

Stray donkeys, yeah.

Yeah, well, it's shrunk because obviously this place became obsolete. So the. The stray mark. Stray donkey market, shrunk. Serious lack of carrots.

Hey, I've never seen a donkey in this country other than.

You've never seen a donkey in this country?

No, they're all over the place.

What, all over?

Yeah, horses, yeah, but donkeys? Same thing. Is it just a short one, is it?

Yeah, all right, sort of.

Yeah, I guess so.

Some alpacas down there now. Yeah, they're pretty cool. Yeah.

Boggly eyes.

I don't know where you've seen yours.

No, it's about six. Alpacas are ones with air do, aren't they?

Yeah, yeah.

Those ones have kind of got fringes.

There's field near mind we've got about six. Yeah. Congratulations guys. Thanks, mate.

Good to see you.

Enjoy your holiday. Let me know you get me on.

Well, there you go.

That's one of the pros and cons of delivering podcasts in a live environment. Right. You never know who's going to show up.

All in Splash from the past.

Yeah. Finally. Someone's drowning. Oh, no, no, your dog trainers. Someone not Bond. Dive. Okay. Straight dive into arena. Break neck. Oh, the whistle. I don't know.

Ptsd. Oh yeah, conditioned here.

Dog eyes lighting up over here.

Classically.

So where were we up to until we got our guest on, I don't

know, fence fighting module thing.

Yeah, but your dog's killing chickens.

Oh, that's right. Yeah. So I manage it with electric fence, although they don't really, I don't know,

have they ever got.

Yeah.

How'd that go?

Not great. What do you mean? Well, it really hurts them, doesn't it? Cuz you got a wet nose and bare feet. Oh, yeah, they've touched it with shoes on and it's. You're a bit like. Oh, you're a little twat. You touch it with bare feet, you feel it go through you. Like I touched my left hand and it went through there and like through my right foot.

Like the electric boogaloo.

Like it's got a wallop, like.

Oh, well, yeah, don't do it, man.

No.

Has anyone done it multiple times?

Yep. Bumble the bag.

The flea bag.

Yeah.

Oh, you're joking.

Yeah. Which actually really surprised me because the first one, he was, like, not happy about it.

Oh, I feel awful about that. I don't mind horrendous electrocuting a dog, as we all know, but in that context. Yeah, I know it doesn't feel right.

No, I felt awful about it. I jumped over the electric fence because the problem was I was inside it, like, cleaning out the chickens. He was just.

How did you jump it?

With my legs.

Yeah, but what technique did you use? Yeah, fair enough. One by the other. Yeah. Well, if you'd got your back in box, I know you're just willing to risk it for the bag.

Yeah.

Nice. The bag for the bag. Risk the bag for the bag.

Yeah. Give me a good cudsies in that. And actually then I thought, I probably shouldn't cuddle him.

Yeah, you should let it just sink in.

Yeah. The second time, I just. I happen to have a bunch of people in my pocket. I just made out.

I just raw dogged it and just. Yeah. Well, at least he hasn't killed your chickens.

Oh, yeah. But, yeah, they're all. I think Cora's hung around with them quite closely, but the older she's got, the more keen she is.

Interesting.

Yeah.

Well, there you go. Dogs and chickens 101, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, I don't think that's been of any help at all. No. We're gonna try and pull a guest on this podcast.

A boot camper.

Yeah.

Yeah. All right. There's a guy with a cool cattle dog. Yeah.

Yeah, it's cool, isn't it? It's like a badger. They look awesome, don't they? We'll put a picture of him up here.

Yeah.

What's his name?

Rip.

Yeah, Good name, too. Yeah, yeah. Real good name.

It's like a proper cattle dog name, isn't it?

Yeah. Do you want to go get someone?

Do you want Rip's dad?

Yeah, he'd love to.

Yeah.

Which one is he?

Scottish bearded. Dude, I'm gonna go on my fucking knees. Down position. I'd swap this roll with you, but I know how fucking shunted your knee is.

Shunted.

I feel like I'm gonna be awfully

close to couple of dudes.

Hopefully you can still hear me.

Yeah.

Maybe we just get a third chair.

Yeah.

Now I'll go get a chair too.

Uncomfortable with a pecker proximity.

I know. He's gone.

Look, I found the one person that

listens to it as well. Oh, nice. And he has the dog with him, too.

Dog. That's cool.

What Are you doing to me?

Yeah, come on.

Oh, he's cute.

There he is. Look at that. That's amazing. He doesn't like the mic. Scared you over? Have one of them. Look at that.

Yeah.

Oh, look at that.

You got to get one of those.

We said to Susie, go find the Scottish guy. She said, how can I tell? And we went, you'll know. You will know.

And there he is, look.

Yeah, here I am.

Yeah. Who's this, then? This is Rep. Yeah, we've got subtitles up for you, so don't worry. Just a booking. Come on, come on.

Look at him.

Rep's 10 months old.

Nice.

Is. Is there any. Where'd you get the name from? Is there a reference there? Yeah, yeah, don't tell me, don't tell me. Is it Yellowstone? Is it?

Because I've seen it.

Because he's a cowboy.

Yeah, he needs a cowboy name. Yeah. R. I've actually not watched Yellowstone. Is it worth a watch?

Yes, watch.

Very good. Yeah, I'm a Mrs. There we go. Oh, they're great, aren't they?

Yeah, he's cool.

If you take him home, you won't think that you'll bring him back.

Oh, yeah, yeah, maybe.

Very energetic.

Yeah, yeah.

We're not afraid of a bit of energy, are we, lad?

Come here, Rip. He doesn't like the mic at all. No. Fucking hate that.

Oh, wow, that's great. What does he weigh, 20 kilos? Just now?

Yeah, not too bad.

Oh, good.

Oh, he's great.

It's supposed to be up to. Up to 25.

Yeah.

I don't think he's going to get

some boy. And you had shepherds before?

I had German shepherds before, yeah.

What made you want to get a cattle dog? You ever played Fallout video game?

No, I haven't played Fallout, no.

There's a cattle dog on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can have a.

You.

You have a cattle dog that follows you around.

All right, nice.

Three different Fallouts that I played. There's a German shepherd you have in one. There's a Malinois in one. And then there's a. There's a cattle dog in the other one. Solid breeds.

Yeah.

I was a German shepherd guy through and through.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Until I got that and more German shepherd.

I wanted them. More energy.

Oh, okay.

All right.

I mean.

And I've got it.

Yeah, fair enough.

Yeah, he's good. He'll have a bit money. Yeah, he's great. He's great.

They got funny shape, haven't they?

Very blocky. Yeah.

Yes.

Yeah.

True.

Where'd you get him from?

I got them from a breeder overseas,

so I had to get. Whereabouts?

All right, Belarus. Oh, crazy. Like in 16 weeks they can. They can come up.

Yeah, they can come over to 16 weeks. Yeah.

Nice.

Interesting. Very nice.

They're quite hard to.

To get a hold of, so.

Yeah, we don't see too much.

No, we've had a handful, to be fair. We've had a handful. They're like every other dog in Australia.

Yeah.

Yep, yep.

You can't move for him. You can't move for a cattle dog.

Cattle dogs and kelpies.

Yeah. Yeah, that's true. All right, what did you bring him this week for then?

So we're on the boot camp this week for reactivity.

Please tell me his recall isn't a whistle.

It's not, no. He's not particularly reactive to dogs or people. He's like. It was just in general, the environment. He's very easily excited.

Yeah. Super social. Was he?

Yeah.

So. But yeah, it's definitely helped.

He's.

We've had a good, successful two days out and about at Golden Acres, so it was good.

Yeah.

Nice.

He's learned a lot.

Yeah.

A lot of what stuff to do.

You take him to the pub today?

That. Yes.

Yeah. What'd you get for your dinner? Your lunch?

Oh, a Southern fried chicken burger.

What do you have?

Yeah, do you have some brisket? They give him some brisket.

No, I did not. No. I just had to watch.

Oh,

man.

This is actually. Yeah, so this is next. Great. I enjoyed that one, didn't you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You should see more over up. Yeah. So, yeah.

Sound.

Yeah.

You're coming back on.

You're coming back.

Development program.

Cool.

Are you a dog trainer?

Aspiring dog trainer.

Aspiring, yes.

Yeah.

Nice. Very nice. What do you do now?

I'm an engineer at the moment.

Okay.

Work on them, essentially. Many power stations all right. Around Scotland.

Nuclear.

No, no, they're actually engine driven. So big, huge engines driven on gas.

All right.

Yeah. You want to get it off? Yep. Yeah, fair enough.

Twenty years.

Long enough. Oh, yeah. Let's.

Let's train some dogs.

Yeah. Yeah. Fair fox.

All right.

You had a good experience this week. Overall, it's been amazing.

Really enjoyed that. Really enjoy that.

Yeah. Nice. Very glad. I'm very glad to have a cattle dog. Yeah. Yeah. They're so cool. They're really up there for me. Again, I've not even met too many.

No.

Between 10 and 20 in the. In the whole.

In the whole time. Yeah.

If we were in Australia it would have been, yeah. Literally every other dog, I think.

Yeah, 10. 10 in between. 10 20, 000.

Yeah, for sure, for sure. All right, sir, we'll let you enjoy the rest of your afternoon.

Yeah.

What else are you doing today?

Wrapping up now, is it almost wrapped up? Going out with Alicia for off lead work.

Oh, sound.

And then that's us wrapped up.

Get some recall done.

Beautiful.

And then into your homework.

Sausage dog there, look, there he is.

All right, thank you for joining us. Congratulations on your podcast, David. Thanks for joining us this week of Rip. Oh, cool.

He's beautiful.

Yeah, he's class.

He's good. Yeah, look at him. Rip's pretty cute as well. Classic.

Classic.

Yeah,

it really doesn't. The dog's not bad either. My God. All righty then, sir. Anything else you want to close on?

Where you on this weekend? What are you doing?

Going for a walk around Stainburn Forest?

I am, yeah.

What do you mean?

You remember the team me and I was in when I was on the blower with you? Yeah, that's where I was.

Yeah.

It was so muddy then and it has only rained more since.

There you go.

So that be there. There is some, like, hardcore repasts.

But, yeah, I'll have to can that off and come here instead. Do some webinars. Sorry.

No, it is. It is nice to.

Hey, I texted my mate yesterday, right, that I went to uni with. He's my age, right? I'm like, you still playing rugby? You want to come and, like, come down and play? He's like, can't. I had a stroke. No, hell, I was like, did you? He's like, yeah. He's like, on the disability list, you can't do physical sports or weights or anything like that forever, which is pretty nuts. Chloe, come here. Come on. What were we going to ask Chloe earlier? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

You would tell her you would.

J Rod Bingo.

J Rod. J jbo.

Jbo Sima.

There, look, there he is. From Portugal. Always has a shaker in his hand, that man.

Yeah, Always very hydrated. Very hydrated.

Very important. Yeah, that's important. Good for the brain.

The carrying shaker to gains ratio is pretty off. Come on. Very quickly, we just want to ask about J Rod Bingo. All right, Tell them what you did.

I was watching your webinar.

What did you do?

And I thought I'd make a note of the phrases I expected you to say frequently and just keep a little.

Try them all out first

play and keep a little tally of how many times you said each of those Things. So I was basically playing J Rod webinar bingo. It made it very entertaining.

Yeah. What are you saying? The webinar wasn't entertaining? Otherwise

you don't know what he said, do you? Other than those specific phrases.

Yeah, I know there was a picture of the ring and there were some flying eagles and you compared us to the eagles in the Lord of the Rings.

How about that for a webinar? We'll put the link in the description.

Nice.

Congratulations. Going to use some Lord of the Rings metaphor. What words were they then? Top three.

Flywheel.

Yeah, that makes sense. It was about a flywheel.

Yeah. Donkey work.

The flywheel is to escape the donkey work.

I had oxygen, but actually it appeared significantly less than I expected.

Yeah, that's true. It does. Usually. That would be a good one. Yeah.

And virtue signaling.

Yeah, that was a lot. I'm going to be honest here. I only recently learned what that means. So I use that line. It's like going to the gym and you get a six pack and your shirts off all the time. Yeah, like that. But with my brain.

I did actually note an extra stat on the donkey work. Was that in the first 13 minutes of the podcast you said donkey work seven times.

So, like the intensity ratio of donkey work was really up there. Yeah, fair enough.

Front ended too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you couple of made up words. I love making up words.

I've made many a word I will die on.

That's a made up phrase.

Yeah, completely made up.

That's okay.

Apparently it's a. Is this is a hell I'll die on. Yeah, but what's the sword one?

But you could die on a sword more likely than you die on a shield. So it would have been at least more. What's the word I'm looking for?

Appropriate or make it up Meaningful. Anything. That's what you do. Yeah.

This is the point. You can just say stuff.

Right.

For the record, all words are made up.

Yeah, that's true.

So I don't know who fucking decides who is and is not allowed to make up words. I've not met them. So as far as I can see, I'm well within my right to make up words.

It's true. And I believe in the past we've come up with words that make a lot of sense.

Yeah.

And should exist.

Like what?

I can't remember now, but it was.

Whoppers are made up word. Now is a real word. What else? Uncle was. We've not made that one up, but it is a good one. Unko is A short term for uncoordinated person, which I think is great.

Shout out to the Australian whenever you want. Listen, you're all a bunch of unkos. Yeah, you know the knuckle down call yourself. Yeah.

We marketed this as a dog training boot camp but it's actually uncle camp.

No, you went too far. Uncle. Fine.

Uncle Camp. Talking about combinations, I believe Owen is a combination of Donkey from Shrek and then Eeyore from Shrek, but Eeyore from Shrek is it Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh and bounces between the two.

Yeah, maybe like you could say fire retardant.

Completely. Yeah.

No, yeah, I'm back on this topic to be fair. That's a good point.

Well we discussed the word thing the other day, didn't we? That we should bring it back because yes, it is offensive, but it should be.

Yeah. Sometimes you intend to cause offense.

Yeah, you usually do.

Yeah.

Usually the intention.

You don't really do it in an

endearing way, do you?

Sometimes.

But mainly. Sometimes. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Mainly with.

Yeah.

What has it never been in like a nice way to Susie?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. To Susie. Yeah. But most others.

Yeah.

Surely back day to day dog trainers brought it back. It's outstanding. But yeah, yeah. Maybe we shouldn't. I don't know. I don't really give a. Any other updates from you Company updates? No, I didn't think so. Okay.

We've just all had our vans cleaned. They're lovely.

Oh yeah, yeah. How'd he get on? Do you try and make a move

on anyone this week?

I don't know. Well, he was leaving and then Alicia said she needed hers done and he's decided he's doing and he's left hers out even though she asked about yesterday.

Oh did he loves coming back. Yeah. Just two o'.

Clock.

That's a full bed. Yeah, yeah, fair enough.

Yeah.

Sorry Mr. Valley Man. Please don't in my van the next time.

Why not? A few other people do people. One singular dog.

One dog.

It's one dog.

She's been trapped in the office all day. So she can't

for now.

For now. She do it on the way home. She do it when you're traveling or just.

She did it all night home the other night. Wouldn't all day. Nothing. Didn't want to do a poop.

Wouldn't.

Wouldn't half more on the way home.

Just holding it through spite. No exc.

In the van.

No problem in the van. Yeah, yeah.

But yeah, okay.

That was my impression of Your dog's

probably zoom in on that.

Would you rather like, take your trousers down and take a shit against a tree now, outside in the wet, or would you rather shit inside?

Can I take my balls up? Sorry, wait, what.

Are your balls?

Can I take my balls? Can you use that as a sentence, please?

I don't know.

I'm so confused.

How much is gonna be had on the last kind of.

We're gonna wrap this podcast up. What? What?

I don't know how much use this last five to ten minutes has been. Hey.

I don't know how much use any of them are, to be honest. Over here. I don't really know.

Amy just went, why the fuck would they want me on the podcast? I went, well, they don't really chat, but much anyway, Amy.

So we didn't even. By himself.

Just walked in.

Hey, mate, could you just.

Come on. Just walked in.

Yeah.

Okay.

He incriminated himself so much. He said if he had to come on, it'd be like Channel 4 dispatches. He'd have a balaclava and a fucking edited voice, real deep. You know what I mean?

Oh, have you watched that Lucy Letby thing?

Yeah.

Do you think she did it? No.

Yeah, I think so. But my point was, have you seen they. Have they used AI?

Yeah. I called it, though. Did you call it?

Yeah, it took me a while and

I was like, why are they moving real.

Because the mic's a little bit.

The mouth. I Googled it. Turns out controversial as well, apparently. I don't know.

Is it?

Yeah, they use an AI, but.

Oh, yeah, we could have AI. AI yemi.

Yeah, we'll do that. Yeah. Okay. Right, Chloe, we're gonna finish up on this podcast, which we keep talking about. We're going to talk about, but we never do. But there's no better time while you're here about my gypsy fight.

Oh, brilliant.

Yeah, The Spain one.

Yeah.

And there you go. Multiple. Three from three. In the real world. Anyway. Go on three. Well, I don't want to give it all away. Okay, Right.

Have you sold the COVID crackhouse one? Yeah, it's crackhead. Doesn't he? But it just sounds good.

No, not told that one yet.

All right, brilliant. That's one for the future.

Yeah.

There's a. There's a. There's another.

Can he hook a hookety hook? It's actually a dangle. Yeah. Beginning a dango would be like. Tune in next time if you want to hear about how a crackhead broke into my house and we had to have a set to. But for now, yeah, I'm gonna hand over to Chloe.

Oh, dear.

Because when I tell this story, no one ever believes me. But we have the only person that was actually there.

Well, unless we can find the dude who isn't. Can you say that? The traveler guy, the gypsy dude.

You must have. So you're definitely allowed to say.

Yeah, fair enough.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, fair enough.

Just one look at you, you'd look at that guy and be like, he's definitely allowed to say that word.

Yeah, first.

Yeah.

Come on.

Okay, so we are in supermarket in Mallorca. We're at the till.

Super mercado.

That's the one.

See, That's what it is.

Well, it's not, is it?

Yeah, it's not.

It is super mercado.

Oh, okay. Sounds made up.

Don't let it start in the super mercado.

It was like when I said to Maggie, what's webinar in German? Webinar. She's like, actually, it is.

Yeah. You're a jerk, actually. Yeah.

You're not really far off there. Yeah. Anyway, go on.

Okay, so we're at the supermarket, we're at the till. We're just putting all our shit through. We're about to pay for it. Jacob has the money. I look around, Jacob is nowhere to be seen.

Gone.

It's like, you know when you lose your mum in the supermarket or she's gone to get something else and you panic because you're like, fuck, well, I can't pay for this.

It was like gone girl just suddenly fucking vanished.

Disappears. Try and literally like scanning the place, looking for him. Eventually catch catch eyes with him and he is on the floor.

No, you fucking over. You're skipping to the good bit too soon. You gotta fluff him into it, Chloe.

I was fluff.

There's a commotion.

Okay, sorry. There's a commotion. The commotion is what draws my attention to that area of the supermarket.

Did you see the magazine stand go down?

No, I didn't. I think you made that up, but we'll just leave that one.

Okay. All right.

Anyway, I'm drawn to the commotion.

How far away is the commotion from where we were at?

40 meters. Maybe a bit too far. Yeah, maybe over exaggerated. Not very good with this. Maybe here to like the mirror.

I was a bit further than that.

Probably looking at 20 then.

20 to 25 meters.

Okay, 20 to 25 meters away. There is a commotion which I am drawn to.

If we packed our bags by then.

Well, the bags were being packed and then you disappeared. This is what I was trying to say I needed the money.

I needed a bag that was on my back because I had a rucksack on. I strip it like Superman. I think I must have.

Okay.

Cuz I wasn't fighting with a rucksack on.

All right.

Anyway, cool.

Anyway, so he's left his rucksack. He's off. There is a commotion.

I'm not seen her in it.

This is why nobody believes the story you tell.

At least you can validate it. So down the. The at the end aisle, you know where like the kids. Like the kids ask for donations for blind dogs and John Cena in it down there. I'm. And it's busy. Right. No one else has intervened. It's gone red too. It's gone red.

It's embarrassed.

This one's easy.

Ready?

It's gone.

Vader, he just tell me to do that. You have to get involved. To be honest. Anyway, I'm. John Cena did down there. I'll hand it back over to Chloe. You know, like Wrestlemania when he. Secret entrance down there. Skipping through people. Yep, go on.

So there's a commotion. I'm drawn to the commotion. Jacob is in the middle of this commotion with a guy in a headlock. No, not a headlock. A rear naked choke.

Okay, you have to clarify though, because it's different. Sorry.

He's in a rear naked choke.

Which for anyone watching.

No, no, no, no.

He does this daily. Is this. But we're on the floor.

Nice.

I've got my legs wrapped around it. I've got hooks in. Yeah, the hooks are in.

Yeah. And it turns out what had actually happened was this person had tried to steal something from the supermarket. Now the security guard in this supermarket is like 90 odd. He ain't gonna do anything.

Turkey's age.

Jacob clocks this happening and decides to take matters into his own hands.

Like a vigilante. Like Batman.

You got a hero complex.

So

I've got this. No, to be fair, this kid was just beating up this old guy and no one was doing anything about it. I'm just watching it. I can't believe you didn't even clock that it was even happening.

I've got.

Well, obviously I've got spidey sense.

Yeah. Tactical awareness.

I was too busy panicking about not being able to pay for the shopping because you were no longer there.

Okay. All right.

Any child who's been lost in a supermarket will tell you that is a traumatizing experience.

Well, they don't know where the wall is.

Yeah.

What?

Oh, they're Their mugs. Is it as traumatizing as getting choked out by a big Welsh kid? Don't think so. But the best bit about the story is, you're welcome.

Is that some little Spanish woman. Actually, I thought that Jacob was the offender in this situation. And she starts smacking about the head

with her handbag, fucking biting me whilst I'm choking this guy out. He goes unconscious. Like, I actually take it to that point. And then he comes around and is like, whoa, I'm okay. Did I hold him there? Right. So there's a few things about the story that I've told so many times. Is blood the line between fact and fiction? So I'm going to whittle off the elements and you're going to pass because at this point, I've made it up so much, I believe it to be potentially true.

That happens. That's a psychological effect.

Sounds like your sky is blue.

Belief.

See, I did listen.

There you go. So, all right. Okay. So the lady of the handbag, that happened.

Yeah.

Right. Okay.

Unless you've told me it so many times. I know.

Yes. Yes, Jacob, you're right. That definitely happened. Yeah.

Okay.

And then she pulled the gun.

Did I get high fived by a little boy?

No.

Was it. Did I get a fist bump from a little boy?

I don't think a little boy was in cold.

Did he sign an autograph for a small child?

Okay. Did we get free ice cream?

We did get free ice cream.

Oh, nice, nice. Okay, type.

Was it a pistachio?

Did the cop shake my hand? Right.

See, this is where I'm a little blurry because I always thought in a situation like that you would have to give like a statement, some kind. They never wanted that.

The cops did show up, though.

Yeah, they did. They were there.

I believe they shook my hand.

Okay, okay.

Did they ask me for a picture?

Definitely not.

Okay. That has made in. You weren't a story a couple of times. Okay, okay.

All right.

Did they pay for our taxi on the way home?

No, because we got a bus. We were peasants then.

I was on a bus. You had no Uber XL then, bro. That's the most unrealistic part of the story, to be honest. Adding that into our rags and riches. I beat up a gypsy on my next webinar and took a bus. And then you have to get on

a bus with the same guy.

It was awkward. Oh, God, that's hilarious.

There it is.

So we did get free ice cream. Because I do tell that.

Get free ice cream.

Yeah. She said, your money is Useless here,

jr Please come back every day for free ice cream and enchiladas.

So there you go. Good story. So, yeah, what had actually happened is. Yeah, you told this bit. He tried to rob, got caught, retaliated. Yeah, shut up. We'll do it again. Hi, John. Cena, dear. We get into a tussle. I actually blacked out. I don't know how we ended up on the floor. Yeah, I just went fucking, you know, nuke went nuclear. We ended up on the floor. At the time I was trained, I'd actually just come from fight camp. Yeah.

What actual fight camp?

No, no, just a jujitsu class. I don't even think it was a car.

I've actually just come back from Kazakhstan to gym. What's that called? A dojo?

No, it's karate, isn't it?

Yeah.

What's that bit called then? On in a jiu Jitsu gym? The foamy floor.

Oh, yeah, what they call it again?

It's been a while in Max, probably.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, actually this is a good story. And bite that, Jim.

No, not.

Sorry, no, we're not. Let me, let me, let me, please, please.

This, this sort of takes the hero thing down a notch because the first time we'd ever been to that gym. Shout out Kiki.

Yeah, what sort of follow up Kiki here. Yeah, don't know why. Anyway, he ran the gym. I did a poo in the gym and I couldn't flush it. Okay.

That was the very first time we go into the gym and he had.

Very embarrassing. I had to go and tell, I've

done a shit in your. In your toilet.

Get rid of like a size like a buoyancy thing.

No, neither. It was nothing to do with the volume velocity of my shet. That's wrong word again. Oh, people could listen to this. Not that I don't think anyone does at this point, but all seven people.

I'm embarrassed. Surely no one's got to this point in the podcast.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, they've dropped out. They dropped out of the nondescript Asian taxi driver we had almost had a fight with. That could have been a part of the. The trilogy or whatever it is, couldn't it?

This was.

You two almost had a fight with her. You love fighting a taxi driver, though. You love it.

You love it.

Like of all the things you enjoy doing in life, I am sure fighting

with taxi drivers is somewhere near the top.

Somewhere near the top.

Do you know you asked me the

other day like you're not allowed on again, but listen, you know too much.

You know, you asked me the other day, what do you think the one thing is that you are best at in the whole world,

but like at some point in your life and it could be anything as niche as like tying your shoelaces or downing a bottle of caramel. Do you think you've ever been the best at the world at that particular thing? Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

You at some point in life have been the best at disliking and starting fights with taxi drivers.

Yes. 100 per minute taxi drivers. You've probably been the best of shagging taxi drivers.

He texted me the other day, I nearly texted you. And I was like, no, I won't.

What did he say?

Did I just see you at bodice row? Pure gym. I was like, no, no, I'm in a different country.

See, there you go.

There's a twist that needs to be removed. Bobby.

That cannot be ignored. No. So keeping me in the gym, I'm keeping her shagging a taxi driver. Right. Which is fine. No, well, poppy, poppy, poppy, poppy, poppy. Right.

Poppy. Unpig pink. Pink.

Taxia. Ping the Uber.

A beer.

Look. Ping the Uber. Right. What else?

Oh, you've been best at.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Probably making cheesecakes.

Yeah. White chocolate. I don't know. That's going to be a pretty high bar, mate.

And we've still cheesecake making. So for all I know, you've got

to go way more niche than that.

Nothing then.

Well, dar, don't be like that.

Got nothing.

It could be like one flip of snorkel diving, you know, like. Don't know, do you?

I was the best. Again, snorkeled up, but not snorkeling.

Yeah, like. Yeah, fine. What's that dog?

That is a red fox Labrador.

Oh, what was yours?

You know,

dream. Oh, we'll have a think about it. We'd like to know yours.

Yeah.

And other than that, I think that's time for us to wrap up. Because you said my food's here.

Oh, a long time ago.

Right.

My cold food's here. Enjoy that. We wish you all well. There'll be a number of links in the description for various things, including Choco Mel, our sponsor for today. They don't know they're our sponsor, but it just feels a bit more professional having one, you know. So there are non consensual sponsor for today.

You're welcome.

So we're wrapping up. By Ian.

By Ian.

Bye.

Say bye, Ian.

Bye, Ian.

Say bye Ian.

Bye Ian.

We might have to just delete that one.