EP 84: Stop Holding The Fking Lead! (The "Sat-Nav" Trap)

Kathleen, can you come on our podcast?

Can you come on?

Can you? Yeah, she'd love to.

Very keen.

Amazing.

So do you want to grab that seat ready for Kathleen in case, like, that we find a time is right moment?

So we need like a matching brown stool, slightly lower, so you don't look short.

Hey, if you haven't already seen the video of me and the Mat Nut on YouTube, I'm taller than the Mat Nut. Like, there's evidence. Yeah, there's evidence. There's full body shots.

Full body shots. It's comparative. Yeah, there is increments on the wall.

Yep. Brilliant. Right, I'm gonna get the dog training stuff out of the way. Apparently, right? Apparently the definition of courageous is to feel scared and do it anyway. Yeah. So all these dogs that are labeled fear reactive, they've got courage reactivity, not fear reactivity. So when your dog kicks off next, you don't say, oh, he's scared. He's courageous. He's just got a real problem with being courageous.

He's courageous. He's overly courageous.

Yeah.

Wow.

Hey, that's a paradigm shift, isn't it?

I might have to rethink all of my, uh, all my feelings.

Your fear-reactive dog is not fearful.

Ah, crazy.

He is courageous. He's just super brave, right?

Yeah.

There you go.

Let's just change dog training forever. I'm actually speechless. I don't know what to say other than, ugh.

Right, tell me if this is out of order, right? I don't think I'm asking the right guy.

Yeah, there's two problems with that. One, probably not the right person. I'll go with anything you say. And two, if you're asking if it's out of order, there's a good chance it's out of order. Yeah, Mr. No Filter.

Yeah. Right. Have you seen the movie Superbad?

Yeah, I believe so.

Yeah, right. So we did a pod, a YouTube video, and I said— I made reference to on Wednesday, the mutt nut comes to YCA. I work Lenny, he works Stark.

Yep.

And I said it's like a scratch back— it's like a back scratching situation. Yeah, I scratch yours, you scratch mine.

Yeah.

And then there's a quote in Superbad where he goes, yes, yeah, but the funny thing about my back is it's located on my cock, right? Yeah, I got loads of heat for making a joke about sexual harassment even though I didn't say it.

Jonah Hill said it. What?

And my first thought was, definitely don't listen to the podcast. Yeah, if that's upsetting you. Yeah, because of Shark Week will really get to you if that's got you.

Did your cock have a front and a back?

No, it's the, the cock is located on my back.

The cock is on the back.

The funny thing about my back is it's— oh no, no, no, yeah, back on cock.

All right, but if you were to look at your cock, would you judge that it has a front and a back?

I think it has a top and a bottom more than anything.

Yeah, fair enough. Is it or no? Depends where it's at.

Oh yeah, true. It depends if I'm fucking erect or not, I guess. Susie's gone already.

Susie's gone.

She's picturing it.

Yeah, she's picturing it. Stop picturing it!

Stop looking at that! It's purely factual. Oh my God, Susie, that's—

That's purely factual statement.

If we're talking sexual harassment in the workplace, that's it.

Is it? Yeah.

Let us know in the comments. Is it okay to envisage your boss's cock?

You could see a little cartoon speech bubble version thing of your pecker in Susie's mind.

Extremely average. Yeah.

My steady member.

We'll get a shot up here. Just, it's funny, it's funny because each week like Susie asks me if I've got the, the reference pings. All right, for each week. So I'm excited for next week. Oh yeah, and, um, I need a picture of Stark and I need a picture of the old Santa and I need a picture of Hickory's And a picture of your, your member.

Okay, give me a minute.

Yeah, do you want it soft or midway?

And this is why—

so we were at 75% mast. Increase erection by 10%.

Like, Jarvis is getting feedback. Just warm her up a little bit more.

And just— yeah, no, that's good. Well, no, that's too hard. It's too hard. That's— it's too veiny.

That's what are you watching?

That's going to intimidate people.

Clients just—

yeah, they know.

But we're also putting this out to the internet. Yeah. So to that lady, hopefully she doesn't watch the podcast. Yeah, because of that last little bit, I'm really upset.

Yeah, but if you didn't even— that's great. Like, I don't know, that's not— oh yeah, that's not fair if you didn't say it.

Is it bad if I did say it? Not to a particular person, I just made a movie reference. It's a bit like, um, saying the N-word singing a song in it. It's allowed, I think. I don't know. I wouldn't personally. I just— I would just— Balls so hot, motherfuckers wanna find me, but first gotta find me. You know what I mean? That's what I'd do personally.

Yeah, just bleep it out.

Yeah, like, but like, it's unnecessary.

Yeah. I mean, your song sounded great there anyway. I didn't even know there was supposed to be a word in there.

There you go. So what is it? Is it— I can't really take the video down.

I don't think it's that bad. I put it in.

Keep not asking the right—

your reference group's not great.

No, fair enough. Yeah, fair enough. Hmm.

All right then. You know what you should be? You should be a courageous little doggy and do it anyway.

Do it anyway. I felt frightened of the nasty comments and I did it anyway.

Yeah, all right, what else? Yeah, what is there else? What else is there in life other than dogs and boot camp?

Another boot camp. It was a bye week last week, wasn't it?

It was a bye week. It was really eerie.

It was too quiet and empty and not, not many dogs around.

This week, plenty of dogs around.

There was a lot of happy people in there as well, actually. Yeah, they were elated.

Yeah, we're gonna get one on the pod.

We're gonna pull Kathleen on.

Cathy's coming on the cast.

Yep.

She left her review on Wednesday.

Oh, that's an early one, isn't it?

Yeah, we actually encouraged her not to. Yeah, we said, yeah, like, but we'll let her tell the story when she comes on.

Um, I fucked up my kaizen again. I was gonna have to read out the best review of the week.

That's all right, I think people have retired from them anyway. I remembered when we were getting fruit in there. I'm getting fat because I'm eating so much shite out of the shite box at work. Mike said he was getting a food— a fruit delivery months ago.

Did he?

I think he's gonna make me fucking die.

I'm gonna start a list. My next kaizen is gonna be a kaizen list, like a kaizen inception.

Yeah, there was a couple more I was thinking of. There's no dog wash, there's no fruit, there's no signs on doors. PDFs. And he was telling us off— he told us off in the trainers group for sending out an email that had his kaizen in that he hasn't done. And I was thinking at the time, I was like, oh yeah, shit, sorry mate.

And then I was like, hang on.

This is only a problem because you haven't done it. Well, he's on it, so he's gonna fix it tomorrow.

So there's always tomorrow, isn't it, with him though? Yeah. Um, yeah, big group. Yeah, very big group. Big Shepherd there.

She was having a good chat on Monday.

What, that lady had a corso?

No, no, there is a corso here though.

Yeah, yeah, they scare me.

They're a big panther.

Everything in here is now painted black. We'll get a picture up. Poor Pablo painted the whole thing gray, turned out more like a dolphin blue. It ground me out for a few. I was like, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, fine. No, no, I broke.

Yeah, but you were always gonna— yeah, it was like the Chinese water torture version of negative reinforcement.

Yep.

But he's also done the stairs over there.

Yeah, partially.

Majority of them. He's done some of the stairs.

He's done 12 out of 13 steps, which obviously doesn't piss me off at all, at all.

But they do like nice nightclub steps.

They do look like nightclub steps.

The Megalodon in the middle.

Yeah.

And we got lights coming out of it, speakers pumping.

Yeah, that's true.

I'm going back to my youth. I'll try and dance. I'll probably injure myself.

Yep. I've fallen down a few of those steps. Yeah, mate. I remember once in a nightclub, I had 4 drinks, one in each hand like this, right? And I went down like a fool.

You had 4 drinks, one in each hand?

The others were balanced on the end of my shaft. I didn't want to say it, but you've made me now. Well done, mate. I was trying to keep this whole podcast PC.

Yeah, I can see how you've started off like that.

Yeah, so 4 drinks, one on the forehead and one on the bum head, one in each hand. All right, so I'm doing a fucking circus act through Revs de Cuba or something. Nice, bruv. I fucking— like, yeah, it's a whole fucking 30 steps, bruv. All the way to the bottom, to the point I've just hit the bottom and just like slid. I've just ended up in like wet, like drinks and shit. Like, yours or someone else's? It could be anyone's. Yeah, I just soldiered on. That soldiered on. I was courageous that night and just carried on drinking anyway. Yeah, nothing good happens from drinking, does it?

No.

How long you been sober for now? Like you used to be a pisshead.

One time I was. 2008, mate.

You know, it's gone on about 2008.

Yeah, it was a good year.

Maybe we'll do a whole podcast on 2008. Yeah, let us know in the comments if you want.

Yeah, fair enough. All right, it's been a good while now. Good while.

A couple of years, isn't it?

Yeah, I think I did have a— I licked an alcoholic beverage once. All right, Christmas, but I didn't drink it.

Yeah, shy in it. I've, I've definitely not touched anything this year. No, maybe once or twice last year, but I won't touch it again. We're surprised.

Yeah, it always surprises me with all the context that people drinking. We got, um, one of your mentees up here, right, Kel?

Yeah.

And we went for food the other night and I was like, I'll nip to the bar, get us a drink, because I'm a social guy now. 'Yeah, what do you want?' And she went, 'Oh, pint of Amstel.' And I was like, 'What the fuck?

That's weird, isn't it?' It's weird. Fucking Wednesday evening, like late afternoon, really, not even—

yeah, fair enough, fair enough. But yeah, I was just a little bit like, 'We might pull Kelly the alcoholic on shortly, I think.' Yeah, I mean, they walk back—

don't say anything though, these two burgers matter.

Yeah, stick them down on the table.

What did you have, a water?

I ate a lemon soda.

Yeah, sound.

Yeah, don't need to.

You just don't need to.

No, but if you really want to, I've got no problem with you doing it as long as it causes no social problems.

I just don't see the fucking point, really.

Yeah, I don't, but I don't— you do you.

Yeah, I don't, I, I, yeah, I don't think I will. I don't think alcohol will pass my lips the rest of my life.

Really?

Yeah, it's not weird at all. But I have got into drugs though, for the first time in my life.

Okay.

Yeah, I take loads of different drugs.

Do you?

Oh really?

Define a drug.

I take peptides.

All right.

Testosterone in my ass once a week. Not up my ass, in the cheek. Uh, I'm not on it with alcohol. I've stopped with the nicotine gum. That was too addictive.

I was gonna say, why have you done that? Because you were, you were pushing me down that route at one point.

No, I still am pro-nicotine. I'll occasionally have a nicotine gum pre-webinar. Okay, yeah, but that's about it. 2 to 3 grams a week, I've read, like, does good things for you, and then any more than that becomes highly addictive.

2 to 3 grams?

Milligrams. Yeah, don't take 2. Jesus Christ, don't take 2 or 3 grams, you will actually die. I've just— someone's already done it and is now dead. This podcast just killed someone.

Just killed a guy.

I just killed that one guy that listens to us.

Oh no.

Oh yeah, fucking— I've had some.

Yeah. Oh, Sean.

And then yeah, I'll occasionally smoke a doobie on a Friday night to just simmer me down. Again, I've never touched drugs in all my life in like 31 years. I've stopped drinking and started drugs, so I feel like as a—

yeah, I wasn't like a crazy drinker either, but it's a little bit like when we talk about behavioral whack-a-mole, isn't it? Yeah, we take that, we take the fucking— you can't bark at that fucking dog anymore, and then just— so, fuck it, I'll chase cars then.

Yeah, I'll chase cars. Fuck it, I'll throw myself under a bus.

Fucking Volkswagen. Brilliant. Um, maybe we need to give him something more productive to do. Yep. See, dog training, dog training.

There you go, there's some more, there's some more.

It's always a good idea to have a bit of reinforcement in the pocket, isn't it?

Yep.

Oh, crazy, crazy. I've taken some, um, I do NAD in my ass.

NAD? Yeah, yeah, that's the next one I need to get on.

I'm a fan of it, really am.

Is it?

Yeah, yeah, it's expensive though.

It's like, what is it, you do, you do pen or you do your own I do my own.

I'm too cheap to do a pen.

Yeah, I do pens.

I mix my own, basically. Probably make— it really hurts as well. It's like a fucking wasp sting when you stick it in there.

Is it? It's really acidic.

Yeah, exactly that. You get really psyched up in the morning just to do it.

It's only a baby. It's a little— it's just subcutaneous, isn't it? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

The needle's no problem. Like, sometimes I don't even feel that, my fat ass.

And what purpose does it serve for you? That one?

It's like a precursor.

Energy in it?

Yeah, yeah, it's precursor to a lot of metabolic reactions, but it helps you give it more energy. I genuinely think it does do that. I don't think you don't inject it and be like, oh, I feel like God.

Yeah, like Popeye and spinach.

Yeah, I wish it was like that. That'd be amazing.

That'd be sick. That's cocaine. Yeah, that's definitely one you want to stay away from. Yeah, cocaine actually makes you 15 times more likely to commit suicide, and if you combine it with alcohol— and this is probably a serious talk because I did have a friend of mine that killed himself after fucking a bender of alcohol and cocaine, unfortunately. If you mix it with alcohol, it creates a fucking compound in your body, like a blend, right? It has its own name. We'll put the name up there, I'm not sure what it is. And if that's in your body, you've got 36 times more likelihood of fucking acting on suicidal thoughts.

That's hella morbid. Massive reason to not do either of those things.

Yeah, so I don't— I would never touch any of that shit. Absolutely fuck no. Uh, there's also some interesting statistics on like marijuana and crime, like the the presence of marijuana in someone's body and committing a crime is ridiculously low. Cocaine, as you can imagine, is ridiculously high.

Okay, so marijuana would drop it.

Yeah.

Alright.

Yeah. Alcohol makes it fucking higher by exponentially.

Oh, yeah.

It's crazy how alcohol's so readily consumable to someone, and marijuana's a—

No, no, no, don't smoke this, that reduces crime, but rip into these beers that exponentially increase it.

Yeah.

Makes a lot of sense, yeah.

Yeah, a lot of them are driving and domestic violence crimes. But yeah, it's interesting, right? I don't know why— are peptides like illegal to— I don't think they're actually illegal to take. They would be, I guess.

But yeah, some, some are definitely illegal in sport because of their potential performance-enhancing properties. I did a neurological one as well, like I can't wait. It's cold, but you have to— again, I have to mix it myself. It's a bit, it's a bit wacky. I don't know if I'm doing it right.

Yeah, that's— yeah, I don't do that just because I'm too afraid to like fuck up dosages.

And yeah, but yeah, the pens are sick.

Well, I got to lose these days.

That's true, you know, that's, that's very true, to be fair.

Yeah, TB500 and the BPC, I, I feel like that helps a lot. When I go to rugby training, I just take a big dose on the morning, and then the next day I fucking skip out of bed.

Fair enough.

I'm saying I do like a preventative jab before I go running as well, right?

Just so I get—

just like, you just, as you know, you just get a bit achy and fucking—

yeah, yeah, yeah, fair enough. Yeah.

And if I were to like have an operation or something, I'll just fucking stack the fuck out of it. The studies on that is actually insane, isn't it? Yeah, like crazy shit.

Yeah, I don't know how much human data there is, but like anecdotal data, there's loads.

Yeah, mainly on rats, but yeah, but you know, same thing really. At the end of the day, we share like 60% same DNA as a banana, so you can imagine a rat would be a bit higher than that.

Maybe.

Let's find out. I'm gonna guess 86%. Are you? Shared DNA with a rat?

Yeah, I know, 73.

What percentage of DNA does human share With the ratones. I believe a chimpanzee is like, uh, 98.6 or something fucking dafty.

Yeah, isn't there some sort of weird thing like a cucumber?

Humans and rats share approximately 85% to 90% of their protein-coding DNA.

Well done, sir.

That's crazy, isn't it? Yeah, so you're like that fucking far away from being a rat.

I've seen a couple that were definitely closer.

Oh, right, should we pull some guests off? Yeah, let's pull some guests.

Who are we going with first?

We're going with Kelly or Cooch, or Kathy, or Kathy, Mentee, Kel. I don't mind.

You want to grab one too?

Grab one of them, give us a surprise.

It's good having guests, isn't it? Because then we actually might talk about something relevant for people.

Yeah, I wouldn't just—

yeah, rather than cocks and cucumbers. Isn't there a weird stat about us being sharing some genetics with like a cucumber or something?

Yeah, no, like, yeah, what percentage of DNA does a human share? No, cucumber is like— I think the cucumber reference is usually it's 90% water and we're 60% water.

Oh, okay, that makes sense.

With a banana though, but the banana I think we're closer to, yeah, 40 to 60%. I'll try cucumber though. For sure, cucumber's part of the watermelon family.

That makes sense.

So you're gonna beat us the fuck up?

No, it wasn't overly convincing.

Yeah, come on then.

All right, look, there he is.

Hey, good boy.

Hello, little fellow.

Wow.

I know, is it for your mama?

I think it does work.

It does, it does. Yeah, he's still going on the cucumber. There he is, look. He's a good lad, isn't he?

This is a miracle.

Which bit? Like, him?

All of it.

No, because he's a very clever boy. Yeah, biscuits for him. Yeah, he's, uh, a very clever, clever boy.

Kathleen, before you leave, can I— is there any chance I can— if we've got any leads around here, can I give you a new lead?

I did.

Oh, you've got sentimental value?

No, I did this because of this. Okay, okay, because when he was reactive, I couldn't hold on.

Yeah, okay.

And that's why I knotted it.

Oh, okay, fine. Oh, logical reasoning.

Because this—

I could choose some pickies.

Yeah, they're on their way.

Buddy, this way.

There you are.

There you are. There he is, look, clicking his sign.

Give me some cookies. I think Kathleen, is it full name Kathleen?

Yes.

All right, how's your week been?

Precede the week, I spoke to you on a couple of webinars first, didn't I? Yes, yes, yes, on the Wednesday Weekly.

Yes, I was, um Basically at the end of my tether.

Okay.

Going to bed nearly crying, thinking, oh God, where am I going to take him tomorrow?

Yep.

Because the world and his wife's got a dog.

Yes.

It didn't matter if it was 500 yards away or whatever, he was up and I didn't know how to get him.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And he's a jazzy old dog, isn't he?

He's very strong.

Yeah. No, no, you tell him, wind his neck.

He's an American staff.

He—

I knew he was very clever.

Yeah, very. You—

he couldn't— you can teach him anything, and within that, he's got it.

Yep.

But I just didn't know where this reactivity was coming from. Maybe it came from me, I don't know.

Yeah, okay, fine.

But coming here and being taught what's going on.

Who is he trying to smash up, dogs or people, or just the dogs? Doggies.

Yeah, pretty good with people actually.

Um, it was the fact a lot of people say, oh, he's protecting you and he's doing this, and it's— I said, but I don't want that.

No.

Yeah, yeah, you know, even when he was in the van, if anybody dared to come across to the van, he erupts.

Yep.

But this I'm just like in awe of him.

He'll be grand, won't he?

Absolutely.

What'd you get up to today?

We took him around the park, done lots of recall. He's really good. I haven't even had to do this yet.

Yeah, nice.

As soon as I say the word, he's back.

Yeah, nice.

He doesn't like—

Flexi lead?

Yeah, he doesn't like that. When that goes on, he's so— he's there.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah. I can't get him to go away from me.

Okay. It gets a bit sticky.

Yeah. Whether it's because when I touch the button and he hears the click—

yep—

he comes running back.

Yeah, it got you. Becomes a bit of a cue for him.

All right, so that's okay. But I'm not complaining about it.

Yeah, yeah, I know you really know.

But, um, normally on a park, there's, there's no way dogs. Okay, today. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nice. Okay, and is it true you left a review? What day is today? Friday. Can you leave a review on Wednesday? And even though you were told not to? Yeah, which is fine, it's just unusual, that's all. But yeah, fine.

No problem.

Oh, I'm just— I was just like overwhelmed by it all. It's just— is you— you know, like when I first seen you guys, I just thought, I've got to give it a go. I'd already been down in January.

Yep.

That was just complete waste of time.

There's someone else, you mean? Yes, yes.

But I thought, I've, I've got to— one thing that struck me when you said you've only got like 15 summers.

Yeah.

I mean, well, I don't think I'll have 15 summers, but hey, fair enough. I need everyone with him.

Yeah.

And I wanted to— I've got a camper van, we've been out in it, but I go out in the sticks where there's nobody in, blah blah. But I want to do what I did today. Nip into a pub, sit with him, have something to eat, and then come on with my life. And he was amazing in the pub.

Did they give you any brisket?

No.

We need to step up their game.

Yeah, come on.

I had to share my food with him. That's not—

they used to bring out little cardboard things of brisket for all the dogs. Maybe there's just too many dogs these days. Yeah, no brisket to go around. Sad times.

Yeah.

All right, what have you got on for the rest of the afternoon? I think a bit of a debrief.

Ring, I think.

Are you okay?

I think so. And then a debrief.

Yeah.

And then we're going home and we're gonna start his life.

Nice. Hit the ground running when you get there. Create a real early precedent and you'll be flying.

You do a follow-up call, that's two weeks, uh, one week after Yeah, yeah.

And then a 6-month one, definitely. But obviously, you got any problems, you got the WhatsApp.

Oh, definitely. Yeah, I've already said to myself, if anything goes wrong a couple of months down the line, I'm on the phone.

Even if you feel like it starts to go a little bit awry, yes, reach out at that point. Don't let it get to the point where you're having true problems.

Yeah, yeah.

Nip it in the bud real early and you'll be fine.

But yeah, but this is just, you know, and he doesn't whine. You know, like, I know that you just let them whine, you know, just ignore them, but he's not even doing that anymore.

Interesting.

He's just like relaxed so much. But the big thing will be when we get home.

Yeah, of course. Yeah, that's where he's doing the most, right? So you have to— the first time you go out, you'll have to be like, hey, that's not what we do anymore, my old pal.

Set a precedent. Yeah, yeah, you'll be grand. Yeah, just keep keep up my momentum. And yeah, just—

well, I'm not, I'm not scared to go out now.

Yeah, nice.

I am not scared to go out the front door and go.

Yeah, that's probably one of the biggest things is like that breaking that cycle you probably got yourself stuck into, like not being able to fucking actually do anything with the dog because of their behavior just doesn't allow you, right?

Exactly. Yeah.

And once you get that, like, it's almost like a circuit breaker. You can start actually tackling the world and stuff. Yeah, nice.

Yeah.

Prior to now, it's probably seemed like an impossible task because he's just such a big strong boy.

He's a big one.

I've said before, if I had the videos of the 250-pound, I'd be at about 1,000 by now. He's had my fingers, he's had my shoulder. He's—

oh, the UV frame?

Yes. Okay.

Yeah, you know the ones where you go flying through the air? Oh yes, and then he separated my thing from me.

Are you ready to see your collarbone?

Yeah.

Oh Christ.

And I was weak like this, and that was just, that was just ragging him, playing. That was just playing.

I was just saying that you had to try and have a tickle on the spring pole, didn't you? That might be a good idea. You've kind of got one at home. Yeah, yeah, this would be a good idea for you. Yeah.

Oh, he's good.

And I bet he is.

But he's now, when I'm doing, when I am ragging him now, when I say out, it's out.

Yeah, perfect.

Immediately.

Yeah, good man.

And yeah, very good. And then when I ready, and then he jumps on it.

Nice.

I think he realizes now that he, but I go into him quite a bit now. Once I know that he's gonna rag me, I'll let him go. Yeah, because my sons are good with him. Yeah, you know, they can— well, we've had staffs all his life, but we've not had one like this, so wonderful. I am just elated.

Yeah, wonderful.

You're a good man, aren't you? Yeah, very handsome.

He's had some boys.

Well, thanks for joining us, Kathy. Kelly, another guest on now.

Thank you very much to be part of your journey, and like Kirkie says, anything you need Pleased to meet you.

Wonderful.

Very pleased to meet you.

Pleasure. Wonderful.

Thank you.

We'll see the day off in style.

All right, go get Tall Kelly. I don't know if she's even that tall.

She's quite tall, probably taller than you. You can only assume.

Yeah, yeah, chance would have it.

What are you doing now? So if I'm on Instagram, you distracted us, man.

Yeah, yeah, sorry. Yeah, that's what I am. Yeah, I thought we were just waiting Kelly, I thought we were on like a fucking standby.

Did you ring her?

No, no, no, I sent her a text and then just started scrolling through reels. You've seen those reels? It's like, oh, when someone needs the ambulance but I haven't fucking got ADHD, and they're like, oh yeah, look at this. Oh yeah, fuck ambulance. Literally me. Yeah, well, I am texting her. Oh, she's coming, she's coming, she's coming.

Oh, that's good. She's not as scared as she makes out.

Nah, she— fuck. You would just run off, wouldn't you?

Hello. All right, hello.

Come on then.

If Kathleen can nip on and dominate, you can dominate.

You can nip on.

Your boots are looking well.

Yeah, you look very— sorry, Kelly had to borrow my footwear yesterday. Got the sniffles? You just cold?

It's cold because you got a new center and you still have no heating.

That's not true. Yeah, that would be expensive.

I would argue it's still cold in there, but in that one, yeah.

Is the heating on in that one?

Yeah, it should be.

We did take out the whole radiator just because I didn't like how it looked. It was aesthetically pleasing to the eye, so it went.

I need to saw it off on a Sunday afternoon.

Do you do Pilates, or you ever done Pilates?

No.

You asked me that for—

because my missus is just like really getting into it right now.

And it's a thing. I'm in my matcha era at the moment.

Oh yeah, yeah. What's that, green stuff.

Yeah, I got sold it on Instagram, like everything, just like your course actually. Yeah, I got swooned into that as well on Instagram if I get shown it enough times.

Is it? Yeah, that's crazy, that's crazy.

To be fair, I did tell you he wasn't shit though, in person.

Yeah, yeah, but I've already been here.

His big massive referral. Yeah, a big referral machine over there.

Probably quite an easy sell. I just text you and you were like Was that it?

Was it?

Yeah. And then I was like, okay, cool.

Oh yeah, you had to like— you had some bullshit, like you had to go and get married or something.

Yeah, that was the thing.

Minor in the way, that little thing had to get sorted.

Yeah. How is married life? Good?

Same as before, really. Is it just good?

More pressure?

Not really. We've been together since dawn of time, so—

is it all the time?

16 years.

I've not done anything for 16 years.

No, I'm not. Well, wanked.

Is that what you're thinking? Wanking?

Yeah.

Do you ever listen to this podcast?

Yeah. Do you? So I knew that was coming.

That's funny. So there's at least least 2 people now that listen to it. Yeah, because it gets around 20,000 plays a month, but we think Sean is like most of those plays, to be fair.

Probably. And Adam.

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah, I don't know.

Every— Adam does, does he?

Nah, Adam definitely listens to the podcast.

No, we'll ask him. Yeah, all right, fair enough. So you— what have you done, like a week? You've had like a week off work to be here? Yep. How's that been? Good.

It's nice.

Good week.

It's nice watching everyone else work and me not do any work.

Has it been of any value to you?

Yeah, it's been really good.

You don't have to lie. I heard you went for a pint. I heard you're a bit of a drinker.

Yeah, we've discussed it on a Wednesday night and I am on my holidays.

Yeah, no judgment. It just took me a bit of a wake-up call.

No judgment, but it has been a talking point.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he brought it up like eagerly too.

You never guess what?

In the pub texting Jacob.

Oh my You didn't want to fancy like getting some shots in or anything?

What, with Kaki? Yeah, sat there on my own.

Milk.

Milk.

Yeah, it goes great with the lime.

Oh, that's funny. All right, what are you up to like next week then when you get stuck back into it? What you got? We got the pipeline.

Got lots of calls.

Do you need dog walking anymore or you fucked that off?

No, I do Dog walking in the mornings.

You're gonna fight that face. It's like prostitution for dog trainers. Fair enough, fair enough. Yeah, no, I'd rather sell— I'd rather be a rent boy than walk dogs.

Well, you like walking your own dogs though. Yeah, all the dogs that I walk, I've walked them for like a long time, 5 years. They're like my dogs.

Oh, fair enough. I'm just gonna have a little romp around. And I just kept walking.

I walked here, and then by next week I'll have walked home. One day I'll pick up the dogs along the way.

And I just kept running. And Kelly just fucking— we'll get an AI shot of Kelly of you with these dogs. You're gonna fuck the dog walking off then, or you're gonna keep going?

I'll probably keep one, because my dog likes to go for a walk. In for a penny.

It's one dog.

Not just my dog.

Your dog likes to walk?

Yeah.

Why not get paid for walking your dog and then take some friends?

Yeah, some of my old clients like to come on my walks with me. That's nice.

Interesting.

Yeah, all right, fair enough.

They never used to be able to do that before. They would have been hiding in the bush watching me walk by.

Why?

Scared. See a load of other dogs with their dog. That's how dog training works. You start somewhere, then you end.

Oh nice. Yeah, like a journey, isn't it?

Make a note of that. Write that one down. Someone write it down now. All right, um, all right then, that's good. And then, and then you got some training stuff? Yeah, training in the afternoon, evenings, calls, Funky Fridays. You gotta do Funky Fridays, top chip Tuesday.

Most of my clients are evening people.

Oh, they—

so I do admin things in the afternoon.

Yeah, we should start making these work evenings, shouldn't we? They've got away with not doing evenings for far too long. Yeah.

They casually take afternoons off.

In fact, we going home tonight. Right, that's it.

I'll be running back to Hastings.

I kind of put my foot in it, guys, but here we are.

Take him some choccy, get him a shit sandwich.

I'm going home, you're all here till 9, see you later.

You're welcome.

But here's some Malteser bunnies. I'd be like that, fair enough.

Yeah. Those M&M bunnies are good, aren't they?

Can I bring them?

Have you seen the M&M bunnies?

Yeah. The blue ones?

Yeah, they're amazing.

Fuck yeah, they're unreal.

Dangerous. Invention.

I actually tried one of the KitKat ones.

Maltesers bunnies.

What?

Popcorn Maltesers bunnies, but they're popcorn inside instead of Malteser.

No, that's not a thing. You've just made that up. That's made up.

I'll get you some. It's not made up, they are good.

Oh, you had nice, uh, what were they the other day? The little minstrel egg things.

Yeah, Galaxy.

Why do things taste better when they're egg-shaped?

Yeah, because they do.

Because novel.

Like, there's a Creme Egg chocolate bar. It's not as good as Creme Eggs.

Creme Eggs aren't good.

It's not novel when you eat fucking 3 bags a day, is it? Which is what I do.

Yeah, comfortably.

Yeah. In fact, no, I can't eat because I've got a webinar. Interesting fact, can't eat before webinars.

What if you were eating during the webinar, Ricky? So it hasn't really kicked in yet. Would that be okay?

Yeah, I'd end up falling asleep on the—

I could just like sit behind you and every now and again while you're talking, I was popping like an egg in your mouth.

Just a hand. 3 hands just under.

Really good. So I want to be waiting with some Cream Eggs afterwards.

Yeah, nice.

I'll fan you with a leaf and then just like drop—

No, you— I'll do this with my hands and you can just like be my hands and your mouth. Yeah, no, I don't know what I meant. Yeah, sound.

Do you have a niche, girl? Yep.

Little nervous reactive dogs.

Well, I believe there was another word in there at one point. Yeah, you cut that down for marketing purposes.

Is anyone I know gonna watch this?

I don't know.

You know Sean?

Shitty little reactive dogs.

Shitty little anxious dogs.

But that's not what you—

my dog is a shitty little anxious dog.

Yeah, I know.

She's a girl now.

Yeah, she even—

well, I'll say it with some conviction.

I— yeah, but then the reservation was she wouldn't take kibble off me yesterday, but she did have a steak. Oh, like full high value, did she?

She enjoyed it. Oh yeah, yeah, she did a bit—

she does a bit of a darla if you give her kibble and it's not good enough.

She's a bit of a character.

Yeah, check it out. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, yeah. Bit spoiled, really.

You should tell the, um, the thing, the courageous thing. That's probably like, yeah, insightful.

It'll change your whole niche, I think.

Well, they're gonna be dog training related.

Yeah, it truly is.

Kinda.

Go on then, bring it on.

So the definition of courageous is to feel scared and act anyway. So really, all these nervous reactive dogs, they're actually courageous reactive dogs, and we've just been looking at it all wrong.

Okay, so when people—

yeah, courageous little dogs. Yeah. But I don't think that the average owner would label them as such. And so yeah, just be careful, might go over their heads.

Well, I don't think the average owner is being like, oh, this is my shitty little anxious dog either.

Yeah, some do.

Yeah, yeah, some are, some are that level of aware, pain aware, problem aware.

Yeah. What's bravery then? Same thing, kind of same thing.

Yeah, we can ask the guy.

Yeah, the bravery guy?

No, the Japanese guy.

Oh, the words man?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's good. Yeah, that's basically our co-host.

Does he know that?

He throws in a definition every now and then, like a spelling bee. Yeah, so you like use it in a sentence?

Yeah. Nice.

Bravery.

He'd say it just like that, wouldn't he?

Yeah.

Alright, we're doing it. How to pronounce bravery.

Anything you can remember from the feedback? Which is kind of ironic.

Anything fresh?

Or just kind of confirmation of pre-existing beliefs?

Confirmation of some things, and also that I—

Bunch of shit I'm definitely not gonna do.

Tell you what. Making sure that I don't take the lead too soon. Yeah, start getting better at explaining things to people.

I learned that lesson early through immense amount of negative reinforcement off that knobhead there.

Yeah, he doesn't even get on his channel.

He's taking it off his channel.

I don't know if he's taking it off. I don't know, it might never have been there. Which is a shame.

Bravery, surely. If a wine is on there.

Yeah, which is quite niche. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't Take the Leash. Yeah, Don't Take the Leash.

Yeah.

Um, yeah, I was talking to one of my mentees the other day and I just fucking like— I went off on him a little bit, as I do.

That's why I've only ever had one call with Jacob.

You need anything?

No, please, I'll bring you.

It's fine. I'm good, I'm good. I'll just. Don't text me.

I'll text you.

Yeah. So he's offering like some fucking like a eight session course. Like ten sessions is ridiculously long. Anyway, I'm like what are you doing this like. Like what are you fucking doing in 10 sessions? He's like, yeah, I work the dog for the first three sessions. And you can imagine my response to that, right? You can only imagine my response.

He knows he was that guy once.

Yeah, yeah. And I'm like going like, what the fuck are you doing? And he's like, start speaking. I'm like, it's a fucking rhetorical question.

And he never had a cool answer.

He emails me the next day, he's like, I've cut 4 sessions, I ain't ever gonna fucking touch a dog as long as I live. I'm good. I don't even touch my own dog. Train my own dog. Yeah, you train my dog. I mean, there's a good point there though, right? You teach a man to fish or a woman to fish, she'll, she'll eat for a lifetime. Yeah, I think there's a lot of value in, in that because— and here's my, my point—

you do—

if you fix the dog in front of you and then hand it to an owner they might have the skill to maintain a behavior, but they— but you've deprived them of the lesson to bring about a behavior, right? So it's your role as an educator to articulate yourself in a way using plenty of metaphors, analogies, and anything else you might need to do in order to enable them. And to be fair to this lot, they're pretty good at like— in fact, you probably will seldom see them touch a lead, right?

Yeah, never. And I think that's the thing that made me realize, like, could I— if I had to, I could get this done in 5 days myself. But if I was doing things the way I currently do them, could I get these people to where your team got those people? Maybe not, because they come and they encounter a problem and they've never actually fixed it physically themselves, so they don't have the muscle memory of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're absolutely spot on. Yeah, and it's so easy for a dog trainer to go like, hey, look, let me show you.

I think it's because you want the people to see your dog is capable of this.

For sure.

All of these that came in here on Monday and they were like, we're going to the pub, and they were like, no, no, my dog's not capable of that. Maybe, maybe my dog will be capable of walking next to another lead, but never, they'll never be capable of being off lead. And they're all out there now. Yeah, romping around off lead.

Yeah. And you know, something a lot of dog trainers will come to me and say is like, oh, how do I fix the problem where the dog's good when I'm there and when I'm present, or the dog's good for me? And, and again, a lot of owners come to us and say, oh, the dog was great for the trainer but not me. That's why it's happened. So, um, if you are listening and you're a dog trainer, be hands-off as you possibly can. 90/10 rule, absolutely maximum 10% of the time. I even think that's probably too much nowadays. But, um, yeah, be hands-off for the dog. You— it's your job to enable them to solve these problems. I was gonna make another point, but it just completely fucking left my brain.

To be fair, you did black out and go like serious for at least 4 to 6 minutes.

Yeah, we talked about hard-ons and erections for the first 5 minutes. Yeah.

Wow.

Like, then we were like, yeah, quality content here, guys.

Quality content.

Yeah.

Does a penis have a front and a back or top and a bottom?

Top and a bottom.

But we said it's dependent on whether it was flaccid or erect. Just change this.

I guess so, yeah.

Sorry. So you're in agreement?

I feel awful. I feel actually awkward. There's a real person here. I'm like, oh no, that's actually highly "She's been indoctrinated though. It's fine." And my second point was, nothing to do with cocks or shafts. If you're a dog owner and you find yourself, like, fucking headbutting a wall, just ask yourself, "How hands-on is my dog trainer being?" Straight back in there then.

Yeah.

I can shift from cocks to dog training like that.

I would even go a step beyond as well. If you're almost too one-to-one, one, I think you become too much of an important part of the context. So even you just standing next to the clients can be enough for the dog to go, oh, Dickweed's here. When Dickweed's here, this is what happens. Whereas I think that gets blended out in the boot camp because like you walk 15 dogs around Roundhay Park, you've got a couple of trainers there, but it's not like you stood next to the people. So I think the contextual thing is really important as well.

Yeah, your presence becomes a condition to good behavior.

Yeah. And in your absence especially if you're really good at looking at them like this, like, don't get you.

Same for owners as well though. Yeah, of course they think, oh, if this goes wrong, they'll just fix it. So they don't— yeah, think about it as much as they probably should be.

Absolutely.

Again, we're gonna go for it, I guess, on the back end of that.

I just never know where this is going.

On the shaft end of that.

Could be the sides.

Yeah, if you, if you co-pilot too much—

yep—

you will create owners that are non-self-sufficient. Yeah, probably an easy way to say with dogs, if you micromanage too much. Yeah, for sure, 100%. And so when we first moved to this place— this is my example, here's a metaphor for you. I know you love her, Kelly loves it. She's like, I don't know what you're saying, I need a metaphor in a way a fucking idiot would understand.

So that's just—

that's never left my mouth. Um, Yeah, so when I, when I first moved to— where did I move? Did I live at the— what come first, this place or the house I live in?

The house you live in.

House I live in, by a fair bit as well, I think. Anyway, when we first moved— when I first moved to the house I lived in, it was like different direction, and so I used the sat nav to get there, but I relied so heavily on the sat nav I never really learned the route.

Yeah.

And so— and you've probably experienced this— if you rely solely on the sat nav, you end up like like, fucking, I've been going to the same place for like weeks, maybe even months.

Do you know another interesting thing with that? So when I moved, I only moved like 400 meters away.

Yeah, but—

and it was a slightly different turn. Sometimes I'd go into autopilot if I was in a certain emotional state, and I'd go to my old house.

That is called dementia. That's called too many knocks to the head, and we to get you looked at.

I'm not denying that.

Fair enough.

But point of fact is, with dogs as well, the— that path never goes away. Yeah, you just gotta get to know the new path better.

Yeah, that is another good point.

Ah, yeah, you can't—

you can't actually weaken that path. You could only make a new path stronger.

Your noggin's not an iPhone. It doesn't get overwritten if you delete the pictures. There's they're actually still there in the cloud. In the—

yeah, they're never really gone.

Mainly shaft pictures.

Yeah, hopefully they are gone.

Yeah, maybe. Especially the— especially the rugby dick.

Yeah, that's the thing.

They saw the first rugby dick for the first time the other day. I thought she was immediately going to walk out the house and leave me.

There's a danger. She's still here though.

She's still here. She's like, what the fuck is that? I'm like, it's rugby dick and it's a thing.

I've never seen I literally cannot see the thing. Yeah, it's okay.

Have you had a fucking gender reassignment since being around me? Is that what they're doing now? No, that might be too much.

No, I think that's okay.

I don't know. What do you think?

I don't know. There is a lot of shit that should have got you cancelled, and here you are.

So I think it's just not reached a wide enough audience. Sean's okay with that. Fucking rock on, boys. He's just got a beer, he's putting it on his TV, he's got his Macuba, some Forex.

Yeah, I like that.

I believe he's a New South Welshman, so he would be drinking Tooheys.

Oh, okay.

You might want to let us know on that, Sean.

Yeah, send us a picture of you sipping on a Tooheys while having the podcast on repeat, your shaft in hand.

The one about cocks, this one can be called. The one about veiny No, actually, does it have a front or a back? Yeah, does it? Let us know in the comments. Or a top and a bottom. But yeah, don't micromanage your clients. Try and take your hands off leash as much as you possibly can. You need to build stronger pathways. Yeah, nice.

Fuck, your end goal should be as much liberty as possible, shouldn't it? So if you micromanage, you're never going to get to that point.

Yeah, I guess I could— you could say that's just our opinion though. You could.

Maybe we're right though.

Oh yeah, definitely.

Obviously.

Yeah, no, fair enough.

Yeah, yeah.

So a unanimous 100% vote.

We've asked the board.

Yeah, I'm the decider.

Yeah.

And yeah, and she— yeah, there you go. Even the dog walker says that is— you ever been called the dog walker?

Yeah.

If you want to like—

you ever watched, um, one of my best mates once said it, you know, was— he went, oh, you've got a dog walking thing in you. And I was just like, I was fucking living. He's been one of my best mates since 2007. I could have killed him on the spot. Yeah, I just fucking— right, I'm gonna hold your head under this steamroller.

You ever watched— people don't take you seriously.

Yeah. You ever watch Back to the Future?

Yeah, of course I have. You?

Yeah.

And his trigger is like, oh, are you Yellow McFly? And they're like, yes. That's my thing. Call me a dog walker. Again, no offense.

Um, yeah, because someone called you a dog trainer these days, you'd be offended.

Yeah, that's true. No, I trained a dog the other day and put it on YouTube, remember? We had to, we had to make a point of it. Yeah, yeah, it was my own dog.

But interestingly, we've got a dev week next week. I've purposefully left Flea untrained in some things.

Oh nice.

So they can have a go.

Yeah, nice.

I was actually thinking about that. I was going to bring Kobe in to let him play with him.

Yeah, you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.

Yeah, maybe. Yeah, we only do useful things here.

You could do an orbit. Yeah, I've never taught a dog. You know what an orbit is? Can your dog do an orbit?

You're just so insulting to me today. Do you know what an orbit is?

Do you or no?

Yes.

I thought we already learned it last week. Yeah, I know. Yeah, literally.

Yeah, who gives a fuck what it is?

Do you know what an orbit is? I presumed he didn't. I didn't even ask him because I was like, he's never gonna fuck.

I only know because Kevvy can do it, can't he?

Oh yeah, Kevvy can do it. We'll put a video up here of Kevvy doing it. He's probably done it once.

Yeah, probably.

I can't imagine doing it for like—

yeah, because someone's ACL's gone.

Yeah, knee gone. Yeah, all right, fair enough. So is an orbit got any use other than looking cool? Go on, trying to think of a use.

Untangle a lead.

Yeah, nice. All right, there you go.

Got a dog that thinks you're a maypole.

Fair fox, there you go.

It doesn't help if the dog can only do it one way.

Yeah, well, it could if the lead was tangled that particular way.

Yeah.

Yeah, you got a 50% chance of detangulation if your dog knows orbit. Congratulations, you're no longer useless. What about middles? What's middles good for? I think I could think of a few.

I quite like a middle.

For what reason though?

Shitty little anxious dogs. Yeah, I like it for a pub because I just put her there and then you don't have to think about it. Yeah, also then it would be weird if someone like came in between my legs to try and get to my dog. That's strange behaviour.

Yeah, because they could genuinely get arrested for that. Oh, come on.

Come on, come on! We might need a third mic at some point if we're gonna keep Trifecta guesting it.

Yeah, but we need a couple of fucking new ones anyway.

No one—

we've just got new ones.

These are brand new.

The mics are new, the boomer arms.

You want new boomer arms?

No, where's the—

where's the— the fucking—

oh, like cookies.

Cookie mics.

Yeah, I don't know whether they're— are they better mics or just He's got a soundboard.

He's got—

why is it cool?

It's like hollow. Yeah, the wires were translucent. It's translucent.

Were they? Yeah.

All right. Which I thought was wild.

Yeah, but you have to take your shoes off to do that podcast. We could maybe do that here. Not yours, mate. Actually, no, probably not. We'll get a shot of them. Oh, have you got big horrible trotters?

Yeah.

Oh God. Dog walker's feet are gonna be bankrupt.

They're just fucking burnt out.

They kill me.

Big old bunions and shit.

Oh, muck boot to fuck. Do you wear muck boots on them?

No, I forgot my boots, so I had to buy these. £20. You paid money for those? Yeah, £20.

Yeah, fair enough.

Go outdoors. What? Anyone's interested.

They're like snow boots, to be fair.

They really are very uncomfortable.

Oh, they're uncomfortable. Are you a muck booter?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Is there any other way?

I don't think so.

Although I would like to say this, the back of my muck boots do always tend to crack and they only last a year.

So yeah, but you imagine you get a few steps in them.

Yeah, what was me being such an avid dog walker?

Yeah, yeah, jumping it around and all that.

Yeah.

This has been one of the most dog training-oriented casts that we've done for a while.

Yeah, we, we didn't quite move on from the Middles because if she said something highly inappropriate.

Yeah, yeah, I think it's a good like fending position, a good advocate position. All right, yeah, just bend with the knee and hand.

Not convinced.

You know what, you know who I am. Yeah, maybe like down a kennel, maybe.

Yeah, nice. Yeah, if you want to know what kennel is, brother. No, Southerners don't know. Oh, more like an alleyway.

Yeah.

A gantry. Is that another version of it?

I'll go for it.

Isn't a gantry something to do with an army?

Gantry's like a—

it's almost like a mezzanine thing, is it not? Gantry's like an overlooking thing.

Is it?

Alright.

Oh no. Look at your smile, yeah.

A bridge-like overhead structure with a platform supporting equipment such as a crane, signals, or cameras.

Giant name.

It's basically what he said, yeah.

Or in a bar, it's a structure containing inverted bottles and fitted with optics. Oh, that's called a gantry too.

We can do a top rack.

Oh, we can do that.

We're gonna get one of those Feeny coffee bar.

Give us a gantry.

Yeah.

Send a gantry with 5 of us.

Syrups, yeah.

That'd be you, wouldn't it? You'd be straight on the gantry.

Yeah, you should be fucking, yeah. Coffee? No.

Gin.

Definitely not.

The bar gantry.

Oh, what with me being such an alcoholic.

Basically a boozer.

Yeah.

We'll call this one the one with the alcoholic dog walker. Yeah. Kelly, the alcoholic dog walker.

Maybe there's like causal reason there. Obviously, Kel needs to hit the bottle because—

She walked so many dogs.

Spent too much time with you two Muppets for the last 6 months. Muppets.

Aww.

Okay.

Alright, fair enough.

Did that one cut deep? Good. You deserved it.

Right, are we, um, what time are we on, Flo?

Some 1 hour 3 minutes.

Oh nice, sounds like a good round number to finish a podcast on, to be honest. Yeah, I'm gonna get ready for a webinar. Kelly's probably got to walk some dogs, drink some beers, and get drunk. Yeah, it's Friday and get absolutely crunk. It is Friday. Yeah, I bet you will have a beer tonight, won't you?

Find out.

Did you have a beer last night?

No, I had a lemon soda last night, actually. Oh, and then I went over to Claus Weinachtsmarkt.

Yes, one, just one.

One?

Yeah.

Did you have a bottle? Did you go out of your way to get a bottle from the shop?

Yeah, you must have. No, my FUB host left me a lovely bottle of Pinot Noir.

All right, all right, yeah, fair enough.

So I've been worming my way through that this week.

I'm on a bottle.

Was it like exactly one of those plastic glasses where you peel off the tin foil?

Oh no. I'll have an Amsel, but even that's a step too far.

Yeah.

Do you know any— did you— I presumably used to go drinking in a field as a kid at some point. Oh yeah. What did you drink when you did?

Uh, usually vodka. It's just, just easiest, straight to the point, most effective, high efficacy. Basically, yeah. Yeah, I snorted Aftershock once. That was interesting.

Very sticky.

Sticky.

Yes, sticky, so sugary. Oh my God.

Sexy things.

Yeah. What about you?

What was your tipple of choice as a 14-year-old?

Oh, it depends. Used to be White Lightning. We weren't very—

Oh God.

We weren't very classy around our way, and it was sheep. You get big bottles, share it between everyone.

I thought you said sheep. I thought you said there were sheep. So therefore we had to have lightning.

Did you have the one shop that never used to ask you for ID? Oh yeah.

I used to get in, 'cause I was always tall.

Oh yeah?

Yeah, we were discussing whether you were gonna join him or not.

Yeah, I mean, he's—

I didn't even think about it. Sorry, obviously, yeah.

No, fuck this.

I'm 100% who my hat is.

You're gonna be surprised. So again, for the record, this one's for you, King Optimar. Just confirm your height for me, please, Kev.

This could really backfire.

I think, but one time I did measure myself at the 6-foot line in a swimming pool, and it did—

There you go, so potentially anywhere between 5'11" and 6 foot. Susie, you ready? Significantly taller too.

No, I'm not! Take those platform trainers off.

Oh yeah, there is a bit there. Oh no, there's not that much there.

What are you saying, Sus? Oh, which is the front and which is the back?

Is that taller?

Or is it the top and the bottom?

Take your boots off.

Oh, these haven't got platforms.

Like, a lot taller as well, right?

Is it?

There's not a lot in it.

I mean, bruv, if you're 5'11" and I'm 6'0", you're at the half.

Can you see the full bit?

Yeah. Take it off and just fucking—

You got a lot of A hair volume. It's close, mate.

Yeah, but 5'11" still isn't sure if it is close.

It's not sure, but you said, "Are you taller than me?" Yeah, that was the question. I think the answer is yes. You are taller than me. But if it makes you feel better, I am an above average height woman.

No. No. No.

I don't know what more I can possibly do. I'm not tall, but I'm not short.

However, in real life—

To be fair, you are surprisingly taller in real life.

Say that again. Say that again.

You are surprisingly taller in real life.

Yeah, thank you.

That's gonna be your—

I think it's just the fucking—

Online, you do come across short.

I know, yeah. Yeah, is it my attitude, or is it one of those little angry fellas?

Maybe you always need to have something in the background, a Coke or something, for good manners.

I did get some tiny 50 pences made.

Get your San Pellegrino next to you. No, it's too big.

They could think it's a regular bottle.

But he really is tiny. Look at the tiny one. I need a little feisty man.

Oh, we do need— 'cause if we're all like, you could actually be 5'6" and I could have just paid you off to say you were 5'11".

Yeah.

To be fair.

Fair.

So we need a solid point of reference at some point. Like, what is universally never, you know— Maybe it might require one day. No, in fact, even in America, cans of Coke are taller than here. Yeah, they're slightly thinner. Slightly less girthy. That's— that's UK, lads. Are all about the girth, you see.

Yeah, fair.

Hence the big man over there. Anyway, so yeah, not that short. Don't micromanage humans.

Unproven whether sure or not yet.

Don't become a dog walker or you will end up alcoholic. Yeah, it will lead you to alcoholism, which is not good for anything.

It's not where I thought this was going today, but There you go.

Right, we'll wrap her up there. Say— what do we say at the end of the podcast, do you know?

Bye, Ian.

Oh, nice!

She does listen!

She's got to the end of at least one.

Say bye, Ian.

Bye, Ian.