EP 87: The Tapas Debate And Training Spicy Dogs

You all right?

Yeah, you?

Yeah, sound. How was your parking?

All right, actually.

It's like, um, a bit dry.

You'd be nice with a hot chocolate though.

Ranger's joining us today, just dominated an obedience competition against his younger brother. I've had another week of training dogs, I guess.

Yeah.

Anything you want to specifically talk about today?

I had something and it's just momentarily, um, flipped reversed.

You know what we should do one day? We should do the podcast in Hickory's. We should. Do you think they could be there now?

The boot campers?

Yeah.

Yeah, they should be arriving forthwith and therefore and forthafter.

So, my good Steve, could we wrap this up and maybe go down and maybe continue this podcast At Hickory's?

Yeah.

How are you feeling about that?

I see one thing first, dog training-wise, because we won't talk about dog training there, will we? So get out of the way.

No, if you have to.

In my head, there's like a triangle.

Okay, glove triangle. No, like a cuckold situation.

You sit there and watch.

We met a cuckold this week, didn't we? Oh yeah, that's all we'll say, but carry on.

And usually I've got like counter conditioning, I got differential reinforcement, and I've got punishment. I know you're gonna fall asleep, but it's just, it's just relevant for this week.

Yeah, go on, go on then, just get to the fucking point.

Normally we'd be like full-on counter conditioning, differential reinforcement as the start bit, and then maybe we tickle in a bit of, hey, don't do that towards the back end, just to really nip it in the bud, create some disparity, polarity, and all that sheeel. But this week had to start over there, straight at the bud nip. Yep.

All right, why?

The amount of seasoning the dog had, the spiciness, it's just too much.

It was a lot, wasn't he?

Yeah, he was an awful lot. It had to be dampened down a little before the other things were even going to be a goer.

I didn't think we were gonna— I had no faith in us training that dog this week, I'm not gonna lie. I even said to you, didn't I?

It's like, that's a write-off.

You don't rattle me when you say I was wrong though.

Yeah.

Well, it's called negative reinforcement, mate. You should read about it. Nah, you haven't got that. Not training that dog. No chance. No one is.

No one ever has. No one.

Caesar Milan himself, Lord Almighty Caesar, ain't training that.

No way.

No matter how many times he taps him in the fucking jugular. Nope.

Nope. I imagine that would have gone really badly if it had tapped him in the jugular. Oh yeah, but anyway, yeah, tiny bit of a different approach in terms of it to be a little bit dampening before there was some going.

Yeah, he needed his neck seriously wound in the initial. Yeah, just fair enough.

Sometimes you do, but sometimes we do.

Yep, sometimes, sometimes our staff do. Well, you're out of control a little bit. Nah.

Yeah, a bit. No, there's a couple of us that can cut you deep sometimes. Yeah, sometimes we really truly need to.

Yeah, we know how. Fair enough.

If— but to be fair, don't often need to. Can't remember the last time. Some of the time just let you go.

Only you and Chloe really wind him up and let him go. Everyone else, I'm going to fight. Yeah, I'll take my shirt off and fight.

I'll fight you right now. Anytime.

Anyway, bite as well. Fight dirty too. So I'd gouge eyes.

That's the dog training bit done, if you want.

Thank God, thank God. That's the hard bit over.

Yep.

It's like getting my bloods done.

That's like swallowing like really old parking. It's like you, you gotta do it, but it's difficult to get down. You got anything fresh this week?

No, we're going to Hickory's.

Come on, we're going now. We're up to the pub.

Um, right, what do you want, Ian?

What are you thinking?

Yeah, babe.

What do you think, baby?

I don't know, hun.

Doesn't know.

Um, I'm not feeling anything fried. Oh, I had the hot honey fried chicken tacos last time, so I'm going to go with that again.

Yeah, I'll take a couple of those.

Okay, boy. Oh, he's training dogs.

He's booting off.

It's kicking off. Don't want a live kickoff right now. We're literally podcasting mid-boot-off. Mid-boot, real-life fucking boot kickoff. There we are.

Look, I've even got my trusty lasso.

And the barber was poorly and like coughing near me.

Yeah, you didn't like that. I didn't like that at all. That's inappropriate.

I was really annoyed.

Just because of how close they get to you as well.

I'll text O-Line. I'm gonna text O-Line. 2 lots of fried honey fried chicken tacos. Yeah, all right, he is just there, but should I get my fucking—

I'll get my torch on, just signal.

Yeah, yeah, do it in Morse code at his face. Oh, why, Glinda? Yeah, I'm texting you.

2 portions.

Yeah, fine, it's always good to signal someone with a torch. Chicken tacos. Let's go 3 portions and share 3 between us.

Yeah, fair enough.

We're not 3 small— no, obviously I'm definitely not.

If we were, um, Optimus Prime, we'd never be able to eat that many.

No, that's true. Short guy. He sent me—

tiny man.

Sorry to keep going on about this, but he sent me a video of him, and I'll put it up here, of, you know, when you go to the doctors and you get like officially measured. Yeah, it was just a picture of it at 6'2", though, and I was like, I could do that.

Oh yeah, you could print this down if you wanted.

Yeah, I could do that. I could take a picture of a ruler and scratch a little 8.5 inches and girthy mark on it. What? I've texted you. Ah, 2 and 1 Diet Coke, and what drink do you want? An orange soda?

Orange soda.

And an orange soda. Blue flower red thorn, blue flower red thorn. Oh yeah, yeah, but we can't say it on the podcast.

Oh no, yeah, cut that out.

No, he's a prick. Nah, he is actually a pretty good lad, to be fair. But yeah, he's sound. I like him. What do you want, young man? He's just having a peep. You look like a peeping tom. You look like you're like the local flasher.

I can't say anything because he took some amazing—

There was no other— There was no other— Yeah, we've got to fucking funnel Susie down in her dog crate. Here's a picture right here.

No, you can't abuse Lucas.

Mr. Bumble's far too aggressive to get in front of your van. That was out, off limits. Come on then, what's going on? Give us a debrief on the dogs that we got. There's a cockapoo right there, look.

I know, you wouldn't even know.

You wouldn't even know.

Wouldn't even know there was one. Would you?

Snoozy. Very snoozy.

I like, I actually like—

Oh, I get a little picky. I'm gonna do a little picky.

I love the color of his eyes.

You know, I wouldn't, I wouldn't know because he's fast asleep right now.

He's got his sock on. Yeah, but yeah, he does.

Oh yeah.

Yeah, they do.

Oh, wake up!

No, I expected some sort of boot camp to dislike this dog here, but I actually love it. Oh really?

Yeah, I don't know, it's also sleeping too. It's been a long week, I guess, for you, right?

Yeah.

Oh yeah, I see the eyes. Oh, so snoozy.

And then the big fella over there, look, he's watching football. I can only assume he's a Manchester United fan. Why? I didn't know about Manchester away.

All right, well, he could be a City fan.

Could have got it way wrong.

Depends, really does depend. I didn't think I'd see that dog in here by the end of the week, to be honest.

There he is, chin on floor.

Very good. You ever done this before with him? Yeah, when do you start getting reactive? Like 10 months old? Yeah, she just said 10. All right, shut the fuck up, I'm speaking to her now.

Um, all right, mixed messages.

I'm giving him abuse again. We're having a domestic in the pub. I'm about to walk out. Oh, crazy. Come on then, what else you got?

Um, the black and white dog under the table over there did not stop barking on Monday.

Neither did the shepherd.

No, no, I can't hear any barking at all. Oh, sorry, I'm sorry, sorry.

We'll just— we'll put it down to foreshadowing. Um, the black and white dog is a what?

A Sprock— a I think he's a spaniel mix of some kind, or maybe they're collie in there. In the truth, they've got a lot of land and have like self-admittedly kind of sheltered him from the world. Yeah, had a bit of reaction problem and then just circumvented it. Nice. But yeah, when he, when he came in on Monday, it was just like you could not shut him up. Like, it wasn't like Oh, he's gonna bark because someone's walked over him. Just incessant barking. Really? Yeah.

Did we get it on video?

I think so, yeah.

And, um, yeah, the shepherd too.

Yeah, Blue.

You don't really see more barky dogs than that.

No. And there was a few tears in the week.

Was there? And then you always get a few tears on a boot camp though, to be fair. What's a boot camp without a few criers?

Yeah, but then yesterday the lady came up to me and was like— I went— She touched your leg like that? No, like on the shoulder. Not quite as—

Yeah, more like this.

Caressed you? No, and she went, "I can't hear any barking." And I was like, "Oh yeah, nice." You're probably like, it was immune to it. She's gone deaf.

Yeah, yeah, she's got ear defenders.

Oh, it's because you're wearing these, you've lost your hearing.

Yeah, that's funny.

But no, they're doing well. She was great. She was a difficult one.

As far as, yeah, the definition of reactivity goes though, that dog was actually reactive as fuck. Oh yeah, it was just like he didn't give a fuck what he's barking at.

It's a girl or boy? A girl.

She didn't give a fuck what she's barking at.

No. Um, they were saying like where she's— where they got her from, she's been like tied in the backyard or something and just left to hoof off. Yeah, basically learned to entertain herself by pooping off.

Nice.

Well, because she was quite difficult handling-wise because it was like jumping around a bit whenever they were using the leads and just like team chaperoned them a fair bit and so we got over the threshold with it. All right, well, no, she's good.

We're on, we're having a picky.

Oh, I just, I was pulling this face.

Could have had a heads up, it's okay.

You could have told me to smile, Dave, come on.

What's up with the white dog then?

What dog is that, like a street dog? But I actually said to Dave's partner or wife, Amanda, she started the boot camp but she got sick and then lost her voice. So Dave got tagged in. Dave got tagged in. But to be fair, I said on Wednesday She probably had the best marker. All right. But Amanda said Dave had done it all, so it was pretty confident.

Marker Dave, we'll call you.

You'd be surprised how many people don't know.

Yeah, it's a simple process. Yeah. Nice. All right, anyone else we've got?

We got a crazy Hardale, was it?

Lakeland.

Lakeland. So the week after, um, he's done well just because they're so vibrant, aren't they? It's like they're difficult to handle because they're so little and quick and light.

Yeah, that's true.

We've got an EB2 who was grumbling consistently.

Oh yeah, it's just a bit of a head case.

Yeah, yeah, first just fancies it. It feels like this was quite like— there was quite a few tricky ones in this. Sure there was, yeah.

To be fair. Yeah, here we are.

We had the one with the 8 shepherds on it. 8 out of 11 with shepherds was way easier than this boot camp.

Yeah, okay, nice. All right, what else have they got to do then?

Uh, back after this for a debrief. Debrief how not to fuck it up.

Nice.

We actually missed out the pocket bullies. They're a pair of spiky old boys.

Yeah, the bullies are fucking Really tricky, actually. Yeah, that's a crazy group. This is like a School of Hard Knocks group, isn't it?

Yeah.

All right. And again, we brought the podcast to Hickory's for the first time.

Yeah.

No, not ours. It's the first time.

Not Hickory's, to be fair.

And, um, it'll be interesting. We'll throw a shot up. Are you having a little twirl, Susie? Yeah, have a little twirl.

Susie's going to twirl that. It's going to be interesting to see if you can hear what we're saying with the ambient music and whatever.

Nah, they should be alright.

There's pretty good like sound cancelling.

Cancelling, yeah, noise cancelling mode or something. Certain AI tools you can use nowadays to mitigate background noise. But yeah. Alright mate, thank you.

I'm going to try and play it cool because we haven't got a podcasting license to be operating around these parts. Do you do your licensing?

Yep.

Do you?

You got a license for that podcast?

Cast.

Yeah, you do need a podcast license. You can't just go on the internet and say whatever you want. No, you can. You literally can.

Okay.

You can go on the internet and say anything you want. Like, Owen's got 3 bollocks. There it is. It's on the internet. Yeah, try that, Owen. Trisac Owain Glynd��r, the myth, the Welsh parable. Have we got any stories to tell that we owe people whilst we're here? Any other eventful things happen this week?

Sort of thing, that.

Ever the new start in therapy, that's exciting.

It's exciting.

That's something new, isn't it?

Yeah. You're my therapist.

Wouldn't be a good one.

Tell me to buckle up.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Listen, strap up. Crack on.

Yeah, it's very much a make or break method.

But there's something to be said for that.

Oh, 100%. 100%. People are pathetic nowadays. I actually won't even hang around with someone like— I won't actually be in close proximity to certain people in case it rubs off on me.

Yeah.

The lack of fortitude.

Yeah, fair enough.

I'm witnessing is obscene.

Yeah.

And I let my mentees know.

Oh, we know. We know you let them know. We hear you knowing them.

Yep. Sometimes people have to leave the room and all sorts when I'm on calls.

Yeah. I feel like I've got a spot on my back or something, mate.

Playing rugby tomorrow?

Oh yeah. I'll be there.

What team are they called again?

New Year's big All Blacks.

Nice.

So we'll just, we'll just say, well, you're playing the All Blacks tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah, that's true. It's not not true. No. So yeah, big game against the All Blacks tomorrow. Here's some chicken tacos, bruv.

Is it?

Yeah. Yes please.

How does that happen?

Yeah, how have we ordered? How did we manage to squeeze in front of everyone else? Thank you.

Sorry, I got a lot of phones.

There you go. And this could very well be the end of the video.

Can I get you anything extra?

Any salt, pepper? No, thank you.

Oh, good. Thanks.

Nice.

I had no idea what was turning up then.

No.

I'll tell you what it's not though. It's not tiramisu, is it?

No. No, and there's no tiramisu on the menu.

What do you mean?

So we're going to have to haul ass back to the centre.

Haul ass.

How you getting on?

I'm enjoying that.

So yeah, we probably wrap it up here because I don't know how much talking is going to be happening at this point unless you want to just fucking ASMR of us eating, which you might do. Other than that, we'll finish these up. We'll stick Susie back in the back of the Jeep, haul ass up to YCA. Shout out to Maddo at 2211 VIP. We'll stick his link in the description. He's our new official sponsor.

Oh, nice.

You know, fancy. So if you want a, doesn't have to be a luxury car, but if you want a nice car for everyday prices, this guy can work some magic on sourcing new cars.

I thought you said every day prices.

Only if you're in the UK though, to be fair.

I think he can.

So if you want to pay, if you want a Lamborghini on Ford prices, Hit him up. That guy is a magician. So yeah, shout out to him. Shout out to these chicken spicy— chicken hot spicy— they're not that hot. No, probably not. And we'll see you back up at YCA. We'll get Susie to do another little walk around, show you all the good doggos being good boys and girls after a very volatile start to the week.

This guy threw himself at me at one point.

I recall there being a specific incident with a cone.

Yeah, there was a cone-related incident. Can you play the spoon? I bet you can, you're that type of guy.

Now I've heard some rumors about me playing certain instruments this week with certain utensils. You do on an instrument? No, I got accused of being able to play the cups as well. That's the second— that's the second utensil musician-based accusation that's been made towards me this week. So, um, yeah, do you know what I think we didn't do, but I don't think it's too late, is we didn't— I think we should rate all the tiramisus we've had thus far out of 10 so we can Poppy can keep track on like a scoreboard. We've only had two. Yeah, we've had Morrison's and then the fancy one. So, and we'll just have an average score. You do a score, I do a score. Yeah, average it between.

Yeah, someone, someone will be able to do that, won't they?

I, I think you're like any person with a calculator. I think most people, I think range probably could. So first one, Morrison's, 6.5. Yeah, I was gonna go 7, so that's 7.75. Didn't even need a calculator.

It's not. It's not. It's definitely not.

I needed a calculator.

Turns out.

Turns out the calculator was needed. Fuck knows, we'll have to ask AI. 6.75 on the tiramisu scale. Yeah, something more likely. And then the other one, the cheesy posh one, which was nice. Oh, really?

Yeah, 8.5.

I'm just gonna go for a solid 8.

Yeah?

So? 8.25.

Nice.

So we have a leaderboard so far. We've got the Tiramisu Company, I believe that one was called, and then we have Morrison's tiramisu. This week's tiramisu is a hazelnut tiramisu from M&S.

I can only assume you picked this up.

Yeah.

Being an M&S regular and all that.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I went today. Yeah, nice.

You brought cookies to me.

Yeah, good cookies.

I can't recommend it too much.

And I brought hot cross buns, and Magdalena, interestingly, told me Germans don't have hot cross buns. But instead they have— what was it? Yeast cakes, yeasty cakes, yeast buns, yeast, yeasty bunnies, yeast buns, which don't sound great, do they? Yeah, that sounds fucking legit. We have syphilis pancake.

Oh nice.

Oh, we have maybe gonorrhea sponge cake.

Makes sense. Yeah, why wouldn't you have that?

You can do a German accent. That's one of the accents you're allowed to do that's non-offensive, right? I know Indian and Chinese is an absolute no-go. Scottish, Welsh is fine.

But why is that?

Irish, I think, is on—

I don't know.

French, I think, is fine. Mexican, apparently not, although the one Mexican guy said it was fine. We got a green light from a true Mexican.

Yeah, which is great.

Although he just said he's Mexican, he didn't, like, send us his passport or any sort of evidential proof, to be fair.

No, true. I'd like to go meet him one day.

The Mexican dude?

Yeah.

And go to Mexico? Yeah, right. All right, all right. YCA does Mexico. There it is, ladies and gentlemen. Just to see that one dude give us permission to be borderline offensive. Yeah, just green light. Um, looks like we've been stood up. Yeah, 15 minutes. They're doing recall.

No need to do any recall. The recall is done, dude.

As we wait, we'll take a quick look at this picture again, which is you and the UPS guy sharing a tiramisu. Oh yeah, which is actually a real photo that really happened this one time.

That was a good moment.

It was a long weekend away in the Lakes, I hear.

He was excited to see it.

Did you show him?

I told him I didn't find a copy of it.

Do you think he listens to the podcast?

He probably doesn't know about the podcast. If he knew about it, he would. Imagine him driving around all day. He could have on repeat. He could get that 20,000 to 40,000.

Yeah, all right, make sure. All right, Benno, I got called out by Sign Guy yesterday as well because I'll send him—

remind me like later. I'll— I don't know where my phone is, but I'll message him a link to the podcast.

Yeah, all right. So hey mate, you featured in a fucking ungodly amount on this podcast. I know this is totally random, but yeah, I talk about you a lot.

I'll just tell him to start the back end of 25 because before that it was kind of like boring.

So shit.

Yeah, so back in '25 onwards, by now you'll have a great time, you UPS fan.

I think, uh, Dog Mum smash and pass from there on in. You're pretty much safe. Yeah, anything from before that wouldn't bother. Oh, that's a good one, wasn't it? Probably the best one. We should maybe revisit it.

Yeah, change my mind on a couple smash and pass.

Yeah, the annual. Yeah, yeah, yeah, brilliant.

Like a tombola.

An inaugural Smash or Pass. Yeah, maybe a potential. May I discovered the other day the—

this is— this sounds like it should be profound. Go on.

The— my, I— my ass can be out in my work pants without me realizing my ass is out.

So I've officially become one of those blokes Okay, do you know what I mean? You can't notice a temperature change.

No, no, I didn't notice. I caught myself in a double mirror and was like, oh, my ass is out. But I wouldn't have known my ass was out unless I saw it. So I could very well be— ass out, crack out.

You guys will start wearing buttless chaps.

Yeah, I think that's just one thing that maybe comes with a bit of age, doesn't it?

With a few people, that'd go down very well.

Yeah, a few of your lot. Old Park and Piper.

Whole people.

Whole people. Codheads.

All right.

Yeah, so the sign guy called me out because he was like, oh, because he called you out.

Have you seen his signs?

Yeah, that's a fair point. To be fair, I hope he's listening.

Again, spelled wrong, size wrong. Yeah, yeah, maybe there's not much else that can go wrong on a sign, surely. It could fall down.

It could have been upside down.

Yeah, so he's probably got at least 50% of it wrong.

To be fair, he might have printed them upside down and then gone, fuck, and then gone, oh, all right, I could just do that. Yeah, do you know what I mean?

Yeah, he's that guy.

Yeah. Oh, thank God.

Sorry, anyway, I rudely interrupted. What did he call you out about?

Um, he's like, oh, you're not happy with your front sign? Oh yeah, I was like, the fuck you want about? But apparently I did mention it in a YouTube video, to which his friend clipped and sent to him. Oh, nice. You forget, don't you? Yeah, you forget that people watch our shit. I thought it was just us, us two guys talking. Two dudes and two dudes and a camera. Yeah, two dudes and a red setter. Mm-hmm. Pulls on the lead a bit mildly though. Mildly. Hey, stop it, stop it.

Don't really need to fix it because I could just—

you can just manage it.

She's—

they're so light. Yeah.

Rangey. Yeah, long ranger, but like rangey, like long, easy to leverage, as opposed to like your pocket bullet that's literally vacuumed to the floor.

Yes.

And you ain't moving that fucking thing unless you put a truck on it and tow it. Although you would do that, obviously.

So I'm thinking we don't let them on the podcast unless they willingly commit to eating tiramisu with us, even if they have a nut allergy.

Do we give them the first, like, the spoons though?

Probably.

Well, start politeness.

I mean, no, they'll start one end and we'll start another end. Okay. Do you know what I mean? So we don't— so they— well, they can start, they can open up the bag, by all means. I don't mind some fucking random stranger's bodily fluid. There's a barky dog. Less barky.

Yeah, well, the one that just went through there, that black and white one, was like—

that's not—

well, equally. Maybe not as loud, just because of pure like lung capacity, but it was going for it. It was a true decent competition. It wouldn't have lost on lack of effort, that's for sure.

Fair enough. Persistence.

Persistence, yeah.

Great trait.

My God, my God, my God, my God, has that dog got persistence.

Did you enjoy your lunch at Hiccory's?

I loved it.

Loved it. Yeah, there was real corn flour-based, um, tortillas though, and I don't like them, and I forgot.

Oh, what do you like?

I didn't say anything at the time. You know, you're regular— you know, the cornflower has like a fucking earthy taste, do you know what I mean? And they like big, big on it in America.

I'm not sure I'm a connoisseur enough. Hey, look, no barking.

Yeah, nice. What are they doing now, having a classic room sit where Owen tells his jokes?

Yeah, probably.

Owen has a quick fucking 5-minute comedy sketch.

He doesn't even work Fridays, but he comes in for that just to tell you. I know, that's not even a lie. I know, I know, I know.

It's amazing. His day off is Friday.

But he comes in just to test his new materials so he can talk more.

Amazing.

I've not said enough words this week, so I need like my 20-30 minutes.

Right, you're only allowed on the podcast if you eat some tiramisu. Tough fucking shit. Yeah, maybe. Dad joke. There you go, sorted.

Just don't, uh, just don't engage with—

what do you eat? So this is Marks Spencer's hazelnut tiramisu. Sir, you're to open up the batting. It's a weekly new podcast feature.

Fancies a go?

Yeah, you just raw dog it. Get through more layers than that.

Jeez, that's like a car going off the road.

Oh, God, yeah.

You just scraped the top though.

Nice. Didn't mess it up. That'd be weird.

Have I got a chance to just unlock our car?

Sound alarm.

You'll do it for me, aren't it? Keep going off, like quick on the burn. Did you want to give that up then, did you? No. Any good or what? It's all right, actually. Really nice, really nice.

I'm not used to a fennel turmeric.

That's an M&S one. And it's hazelnut. Um, before we start, we— you need to rate it out of 10 because we rate every tiramisu on the podcast out of 10, and we have a scoreboard.

I think it's got to be near you of 10 if someone who doesn't normally like—

yeah, I'd agree with that. Yeah, yeah, I'd agree with that.

There you go.

I'll give it an 8.5. It's pretty good. I've had a 10 in the past, and that one in Miami, it's a different— we have to go.

To the other one that I gave 8.5, so I'll give that one 8.5 as well.

So what were you going with, ladies?

What was your score?

I'd give it a 9 because I don't usually like to—

So we got 2 9s and 2 8s.

You're not to average that. I can't do that.

8.5.

Oh, I said 8.5.

Oh yeah. Oh, I'll just go 8.5 as well then, just for the sake of easy math. So we got an 8.75.

Nice.

Come on then, tell us all about Bodhi. Again, he's looking at me.

Yeah, yeah, it's gonna keep him distracted.

So Bodhi was, um, reactive to mostly dogs but also people when they come close or try and interact with him. Um, he don't eat the microphone, so there's an option for 3 issues: people dogs and our other dogs. So we've got a French Bulldog and Spaniel at home as well, and unfortunately him and the French Bulldog, yeah, to each other.

Is it a male friend?

It is a male friend.

Yeah, he looks very similar to Mr. Bumble.

Yeah, he does look like Mr. Bumble. Yeah, same color. Um, and they started fighting, so we've had to separate them at home. So Archie now spends a few weeks with my mum and dad Oh, and then we have to dog share, so Bodhi goes to Mum and Dad, we swap.

That's massively inconvenient, isn't it?

Yeah.

And then it just became a problem to just walk him around town and walk past people with dogs. Um, it would just reactive redirect initially on you.

Yeah.

Hence why we had to get a muzzle and just become not pleasant walking him, was it?

Just wasn't enjoyable anymore, just full of anxiety.

Walking down the street, you see a dog, it's like, oh God, can't really socialize. Um, couldn't really— apart from your mom and dad, we couldn't really have people around the house unless we put him away in the kennels. Um, it's a real nightmare, really, really tested my patience, and I don't have a lot of patience. So it was, uh, he was up for adoption many times. But, um, yeah, so he's— jokes aside, it's been a real pain.

Into it.

Um, not, not fun. Not fun for him, not fun for us. So, uh, it seems to see a huge change, don't we?

Um, you tried a couple of bits and bobs in terms of like e-collar and prong collar before, right?

Yeah.

And obviously we've used the e-collar specifically this week. What— why do you feel like that didn't work before? Or like, what just like your experience with that. I'm just genuinely curious.

Probably just because we probably weren't using it correctly, um, or in the right situations.

All right.

Um, I think the prong, if anything, it was probably making him angrier when he was—

it's riling him up.

Yeah, because he, when he kicks off, he flies in the air.

Yeah.

Oh yeah, you've got some videos, right?

And then he's gets angry at me for stopping him, and then he's, you know, um, so yeah, it was make sure we've got the right kit on him, um, that's going to work. But to be honest, this slip lead, I've never thought of using one of these. That's been more effective than the prong. Yeah, I actually feel like I've got quite a bit of control with that.

Um, all right, and again, just genuinely kind of curious, what, um, Where did you— I'm asking all three of you, to be fair, because I know you've worked together, uh, day one and two. What, what was your— where were your breakthrough moments?

Introducing the e-collar as a bit of a rule setter in play. All right, so his revs were high but for a different reason, and we just overlaid it on out enough things like that to be like, okay, well, there's rules, but his level of arousal or the objective motivation was very, very different. But he picked it up fucking fast. Like, so what did you do?

What did you do?

Well, he already knew out. Yeah, he was a little chompy.

All right. And you just—

I was like, don't be chompy. When we say enough, enough is enough. Um, we introduced some punishment stuff at super low level, like food stuff, but he picked it up super quick, like a lot quicker than I thought. The play thing was the biggest thing.

All right, interesting.

His revs were like— he's good at play, to be fair. His revs are comparative when he plays as to when he's a little bit maybe antisocial, but for a very different reason.

Yeah.

So it gives us a good idea of what levels might be appropriate for cutting through mist at certain points. So it's good. Yeah, but just from me, like, I— like, in terms of working with people, you can't argue with, like, your commitment, do you know what I mean?

Like, as soon as you want to give him your keys Yeah, as soon as—

just undo it under the door. Well, unlock it under the door and shut it. That's what's happening.

He's always sassy like that.

Otherwise, you just keep on going.

Sorry, sorry. Parker out front, boy. Don't forget to polish the chassis.

Um, from the perspective of like, they would just try anything. Like, not particularly like starting off the training and just had a pair of metaphorical bollocks, is what we'd like to say. Yeah, basically. Yeah. So like, kudos, because obviously you can't— I'll help anyone so long as they're willing to buy into what we do, and they just attacked it. I thought it would take longer than it did, but because of the commitment of them two, then it just went way smoother than maybe even expected.

Yeah, to be fair, in the beginning of the week I even said to Kirkie, and I said this like, I don't know if you're gonna get through to that dog this week. Or I, I think how I said it was more like, you're gonna, you, you're gonna have to do a great job in order to get through to this dog. And that was no Uh, you weren't a contributing factor to that rationale as people. It was purely the intensity of the dog is a hell of a lot. I was even, um, yeah, I even text my friend saying like, yeah, there's this Rottweiler in this week. I don't know whether like we're gonna touch the sides with him.

So yeah, I recall when you'd seen it, you'd sent to these, I went, good luck with that one, boys.

And then walked off.

I'll leave that one with you.

Yeah, I'm sipping on a cortado. No, I have a lot of faith in these lot. I see them turn around left, right, and center. It's just that it was just a lot. It was just fireworks. I'm not sat here surprised either though, to be fair. I'm not sat here surprised, but perhaps a lesser owner probably wouldn't have made the strides that you probably have in this time. So yeah, again, just a pat on the back, probably. If, if my, my perception would be like, yeah, maybe you're just an average owner that probably, you know, hasn't got the, the metaphorical bollocks to deal with this. But evidently I was wrong, and you won't really hear me say that. Stick it on a loop, play it 10 to 12 times minimum.

Yeah, that's good.

All right, what have you been up to this week then? Like, what were your highlights of the week? And, you know, What have you enjoyed about it?

Wednesday onwards, surely, when you started doing some proper stuff.

I've got to be honest, from day one I've enjoyed it. When Monday ended, I didn't want it to end. I'd do all this again.

Oh, really?

I really would. Oh, sounds good.

Can you give me a job? Not that we need to, but—

Yeah, I would say probably from the Wednesday point, we felt comfortable enough to— don't want to tempt fate here— but remove his muzzle. What we'd learned with the Newton's Cradle, the homework obviously that was set out to us before we even started the camp, was very beneficial to Bodhi and us. So it gave us a good start, didn't we? And then, like I said, I know you guys, obedience isn't your top priority, but it has helped to a degree. It has helped Bodhi. So like with the outs and you know, everything else, it picks it up relatively quick.

Um, so I think for me, getting face to face, how close me and Owen got with our—

with 65 kilo Rottweiler.

Yeah, it's 55-inch neck Rottweiler.

He's been using your measuring tape because he used to say that Thor was 65 kilos, and then we had a couple of dogs on boot camp that were genuinely 65 kilos, and he looked like small, like so. I'm like, mate, there's no way your dog's 65 kilos. We weighed him one day, he was like 48, 49, 48.

He might be big but big clothes.

65 kilos, that's some fucking body dysmor— dog dysmorphia. Yeah, outstanding.

But yeah, that was a turning point for me because when I walk him, he doesn't allow me to talk to people. If the neighbor wants to stop and have a chat, he doesn't allow it.

What happens?

He just kicks off, he fires off at them. Um, so for me to be able to get that close face to face, have a conversation with someone that has got a dog, was, was a big turning point.

65-kilo Rottweiler, no less.

Yeah. Um, and you've been off-site and stuff like that?

Yeah, yeah.

We've just been witness to him in the pub. Yeah, which is great.

It's not really enjoyable because we used to do it when he was younger. Yeah, after the reactivity started, we stopped doing all those things.

When did that start? About 10, 10, 12 months, around that mark.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we can't really take him to any pubs. I haven't been. So today's been—

he just chilling, right? That's crazy.

Um, even walking around, around Hay Park this morning was just like great to see. It was just so close proximity with the other dogs that, uh, he did have a little niggle at a black lab, but he was quick put in his place by you. But no, um, his whole demeanor's changed.

Yeah, he looks way more like just chilled.

We were saying as well, more relaxed. Our affection and respect for him has changed. Yeah, I think through this week really has, really has helped immensely.

Hard to love when he was—

yeah, you find a genuine— you'll develop a genuine like level of resentment almost almost that you're so constricted by your dog's behavior in life. They're obviously a massive factor, um, massive part of our life, and we do love them unconditionally. But when you have that element of unconditional love but like pragmatic limitation through their limit— through their behavior limitations, um, you have a real internal conflict, which is a very difficult place to live for a sustained amount of time as you have. So you've probably felt a level of relief this week that um, yeah, that has probably allowed you to have a slightly different perspective on, on, on Bodhi, right?

Yeah, I almost say future. Exactly that, of where we, where we're going. Whereas before I was questioning, what is the future? Is this dog going to be with us?

Yeah, yeah, it's shit, isn't it? Really sucky.

It's hard to give up such a key part of the family. So we weren't really an option. Yeah, you guys was the last resort. So, but, um, no.

So let's talk about plan of action when we go home. What are we doing?

We are going to go through all the list of walks that we do.

Yeah.

And basically go out and go out there and start putting it into place.

What we've learned, we've got to start to apply it to our Frenchie. Yeah, because it's not fair to sort of put all the blame on to Bodhi as to why those two don't get on when it's actually the Frenchie Archie who starts it.

So yeah, and then if you nail the first 3 days, you'll enjoy the rest of his life. Um, what I would go and do is I would go and go into— is he reactive like in and around the home, like out the front window and stuff, or not really?

Occasionally you'll have We've got like an alleyway at the side of the house, and it's more so— well, the spaniel usually kicks it off, to be honest. Um, all right, so it's dealing with her as well. But generally, he's— he might have a little bark if someone's gone up the alleyway, but not too bad.

Yeah, so I'd take him early somewhere where you know he's gonna at least test the rules.

Yeah.

And as soon as you see him step the line from new rules back into old rules, administer your punishment protocol with your e-collar and put a very clear line in the sand of like, nope, we're gonna— we're— the rules are here now. Because there'll be one or two moments when you return home where he'll go, are the rules the same? And if you permiss that period of time and say like, you get— if you give him benefit of the doubt is one of the worst things you can do in that point. But if you say no, and you just nip it in the bud, you'll just, you'll just see him like soften and go like, oh, okay, we're still doing the same thing. All right, so if you just again nail the first 3 days, um, take him somewhere where he's rehearsed a lot, and as soon as you see that little bit of shift in him, um, well, you know exactly what to do now, and then all the other— everything else will just fall in place nicely. But, you know, um, yeah, you got any questions or anything?

No, just a lot of respect.

Yeah, kudos. Yeah, thank you for joining us on the podcast. And thank you, thank you, thank you to you all this week.

It's just, you know, game changer.

It really has. Thank you so much.

Go home, nail it. Buy a tiramisu from M&S.

Yeah, celebrate, celebrate with it. Somebody who does Muslim. Cool. All right, we'll let you be. We'll let you enjoy the rest of your day. Thank you so much, guys. For joining us.

I feel like a— let's move back onto your other chair.

No, no, I don't. We're sharing this tiramisu.

You got anything else to discuss?

I don't think so. Do you? There's a little hook on the end of the spoon. It kind of gives you a little bit more leverage.

Leverage hook.

No, honestly, try that spoon. Try how it feels.

No. You know what I mean? Yeah, I kind of do. Yeah, it nestles into the forefinger nicely.

Maybe we'll invent some custom tiramisu spoons. Tiramisu spoons.

That makes sense. Yeah, tiramisu spoons. All right, okay then.

I think we've probably gone long enough considering That one's got to have a bit of alcohol in.

Yeah, it tastes like that as well.

They're actually biscuits.

I could be blind drunk. Biscuits, not cake.

Find your name soaked in coffee sauce. What does it say there is? Anyway, right, is that us wrapped up?

Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

Nothing else you want to touch on? Not some mad story? People are probably switching off by now because all they've listened to is—

I'm gonna switch it back on.

Yeah, we should give some gold right now for the people that have stuck around through the tiramisu eating.

Go on, what was your— what was your—

you okay?

Yeah. All right, so with your advice to the Royals, right, is what a lot of people could take heed of.

There you go.

Getting, getting an early win on known territory.

Yeah, literally nuke them. Like a, like a, you know what I mean? Like, oh, you mean around, you find out type thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I think you've just got to be a little— when you go back to the, um, all right, I'll try and like—

I can't stop being it. No, yeah, really going at it.

When you go back to where behavior has been rehearsed more you're gonna have to compensate with a bit of intensity. Yeah, that's all I was saying. Yeah, you know what I mean?

They'll say about that, they'll be like, ah yeah, well, nukes have fallout. That's what they'll say. That's, that's the false free folk will say that.

I don't think any false free folk would be here by now, to be honest, mate.

Hello!

If you are, hello! That's mental. How, how? I'm just waiting for a false free person to just go through every single podcast and clip out all the bits and do like a compilation. Yeah, which I'd love. Yeah, we'll actually put it on the TV here and just put it on repeat, the most offensive parts, you know what I mean?

Yeah, fair enough.

Surprised they haven't. Oh well. Yeah, anyway, um, anything else? No, all good? Should we wrap it up?

Yeah.

All right, well, thanks for joining us. I think there was some value in there. It's a nice little story, some hope and motivation. Uh, if you want to click the link in the description. You should go and join our Behavior Bible, which is our private community slash cult.

And as those guys found, anything can happen if you have a good dick.

Yeah, literally anything. I fed her tiramisu on a spoon. Yeah, is that too much? Maybe. No, it was a bit—

everyone enjoyed it.

She enjoyed it, I enjoyed it. I licked the spoon after though. Is that too much?

Maybe he didn't seem to mind though, the chap.

Nah, he's a secure bloke.

Yeah, he seems like a good bloke.

Fair enough. All right, I just wonder if I maybe crossed the boundary there, but I don't know, we'll put it to the panel.

I'm sure the panel will review it.

Is hand feeding clients inappropriate with a spoon?

I think it's inappropriate.

No, I don't think it is. I'm hoping—

yeah, because at the end of the day it was like a sample thing. It wasn't like—

oh no, mate, we shouldn't talk about this on the podcast, but I am gonna, and it might get cut out, but let me know. I want— there was an office debate the other day. Okay, we can't leave it in the podcast, but— oh yeah, fucked the student. Oh yeah, no, obviously the Collins get to decide what's in the podcast, so just It's like the Illuminati. There's no chance.

It doesn't seem fair.

No, it doesn't seem fair. Well, we are just— I'm just like, yeah, we get hammered about. Yeah, like the time I shit myself. Yeah, that got left in. But to be fair, the time Chloe done an Uber driver also got left in.

Yeah, fair enough.

So Bush— oh yeah, had sex on a mountain.

No, he was supposed to, but he didn't get in a bed.

Oh. Owen does wees with his trousers around his ankles.

In the boys' urinal.

Yeah. So, this will go with that.

This is gonna turn into a slighting, tiny truth seeker session.

We've got 2 urinals, we'll put a piccy up there. One's regular human height. One's small human height. Owen apparently uses the small one to make him feel taller. But when he— And I only just discovered this the other day when I walked in on him. He does little boy wees and he has his trousers around his ankles as he does it.

I think that's a rugby union thing, though, innit?

Yeah, probably.

I think they all do that. I think.

Yeah. Can we get a picture of that? There? Yeah. A consensual picture?

Doesn't have to be AI.

He'll do it. He'll do it.

Yeah, he'd enjoy doing it too.

Do you think he's got a shit-ass tattoo? He seems the type to have a shit-ass tattoo. Yeah. Yeah, oh, like his mate's initials.

Well, we will see.

Oh, oh, oh, Tarquin! Yeah, Tarquin, if you don't score a try at the end of season, mate, I'll get your initials tattooed to my ass. I'm pissing your mouth, mate.

That's basically it, isn't it? That's where reunion summed up in, yeah, 12 seconds.

Yeah, you've got to— in his home games, you've got to get naked on the bus. Tell a joke, sing a song, and fucking, I don't know, drink a pint through someone's fucking foreskin or something like that.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Yeah, he does. It's no wonder he's like what he's like. Yeah, with his little boy wheeze.

Yeah, do you know what I mean? You can take the lad from the south, but you can't take the south or something.

I don't know. Yeah, fair enough. All right then, we'll wrap it up there. Yeah, I think that's like a reasonable note to finish on.

Seems fair. You can hear him laughing.

Yeah, his own joke. Yeah, no one else is laughing though. No, there's a room full of at least 20 people minimum. One laugh, one joke, one laugh.

One's asleep.

One's asleep.

Apparently one is asleep.

Apparently it's been confirmed. Intel says we've just had— wait, wait, we've just had this relayed to us. Yeah, it is confirmed, one of the boot campers are actually asleep.

Yeah.

They're actually unconscious. Wow, amazing. Right, come on then. All right, that's it.

Yeah, there's gonna be some—

good to have you for another episode of Caffeine and Canines. Check out the sponsors and the links in the description, and we'll catch you this time next week. Sponsors: 2211 VIP. They're gonna source you a—

you're gonna mention him? Have you mentioned him in the pub? Oh yeah.

Yeah, 2211 VIP, you'll get you a Lamborghini for a fiver.

That seems reasonable. If you want a Lamborghini and you have 5 quid, yeah, then you're all right.

Little to no money, that's your best fucking chance, to be honest. Nice. So there you go.

I'm excited.

Yep, we're gonna get you a Defender, aren't we?

Yeah, hopefully one day.

One day, once everything— when the dust settles.

I was gonna get Lambo, but I just think the legroom might be restricted, and Bumble's not the best traveller.

Yeah, but it's a bit of a flex to have your dog in the front seat of a Lambo.

Yeah, that would be a flex. Maybe I'll just buy one that I don't fit in, put it on the drive, and put Bumble in it.

I think we should just buy one and put it in the middle there.

That's my £500,000 crate for my Frenchie. You're welcome.

Yeah. That— yeah, nice. Nice.

I can't even drive it.

A Revolto. I can't even fit in it, but can't fit in it. He's absolutely wrecked the seats, he's pissed all inside the air vents, but I don't care.

The one place he is decent is in the crate.

Is it?

Yeah, but just don't approach his crate unless it's me.

Really?

Really?

Guard it.

Oh yeah, would do.

As we know, regards the van, well, it does, yeah, emphatically. So no one's getting in, no one's stealing that Transit anytime soon, would they?

Even though he's had—

but it's like a little psycho you've seen movie, just with his teeth.

And he does that breakfast time in the morning too, with his crate.

Huh?

He comes from the back of the crate, hits the door, comes back, hits it.

A little run-up.

Yeah, I'll try and video it on my, on my POV cam. And then I pop, I pop it open and just fucking burst out and gone kung fu someone. Yeah, it's one of the things I love most in life, that moment.

Well, film it then, every morning.

Oh yeah.

And then what does he do?

Just fucking shoots out because he knows his brekkie's ready.

But you feed him first thing, do you?

Yeah, that's it, twice a day, two squares.

I'm a one-er a day.

Yeah, but I just wouldn't— I wouldn't like— it's two moments of joy in their day, right?

Yeah, fair enough.

I feel like I could be halving their moments of joy if I only fed them once a day.

Yeah, maybe. Yeah, maybe. There's Wilbur, look. Yeah, Wilbur's Will burn his eyeshadow and I'm a scarab.

Raccoon eyes, she calls me. Yeah, nice.

Oh, they're doing some, yeah.

Oh, we're doing some dog training. Nice, actual real life training. What are you drinking?

Monster.

Are you okay with that? Are you okay with, you know?

Miss, yeah.

You can say no.

Yeah, you can say no, it's inappropriate that she's drinking something that looks like a can of Stella. I'm drinking Strongbow, okay? It's White Lightning, problem?

Fair enough, as you were.

It's WD-40. No, not WD-40. Was it MD-40? MD-20? What was it?

What?

It's like blue stuff.

Oh, 40-20?

No, no, it's a kick thing in rugby.

It is, which we'll see a couple of those tomorrow from Walshy, probably.

Yep. Have a good run out tomorrow. Right, there you go. We'll wrap it up. This is going on far too long.

Mumbling.

Yeah, good luck editing that one, Pops.

Yeah, all the best. Dribble.

Absolute waffle.

Fair bit of dribble.

Unbelievable level of waffle. Waffle tits. Yeah.

All right then.

Okay, I guess that's it then.

Fine.

I guess this is probably the end of this podcast.

I think so. Could be the end of the podcast.

Could be. It may have just died.

Yeah.

Not just this one, but all of them.

Yeah, I hate that.

So we had a dream the other day that the YCA, we closed it, just decided one day to shut up shop, and she killed herself in the dream, and she woke up. Yeah.

Oh, that would make sense.

Yeah, she threw herself off a bridge.

All right. She said, I can't take it any longer.

And let him know we're living.

No, that's true. That would be true.

Who else can we slag off? Took home a 22-year-old student and smashed him, smashed him, sucked it off in his student digs, which I find amazing. She had to have a wee in the morning and she had to wipe herself with a Domino's menu because there was no toilet rolls. Yeah, because he's a student.

That makes sense. It's highly plausible.

I'm just making stuff up nowadays about things. What was the rumor I started earlier? Love starting rumors. Is actually shagging his mate's fiancée though.

Oh really?

Yeah. Do you want to hear about it?

Yeah, go on.

This will have to get cut out, I think. Not unless like girlfriend who's not his girlfriend listens to the podcast. Yeah, we'd probably leave it in anyway. Turns out it's not the end of the podcast.

Could be. I'm talking, we're back.

He's looking back in. Yeah, he's picked up his tiramisu. I'll even let back a bit. I got— I might even shift to my comfy chair.

Saddle up, man. What I also want to know is, where the fuck am I when all this—

this all happens in the engine room.

Susie knows about it, you know about the engine room. Oh, okay.

The back end team.

That makes sense. Maria, fair enough.

You keep eye on your training team. I like to keep those in, mate.

Tip of the spear.

You need to rein those in.

You're the shaft and I'm the tip of the spear. You launch me.

Yeah, back or front bum? Front bum. Yeah. Anyway, comes in the other day, he looks ropey as fuck.

He often looks a bit ropey.

He's got bags under his eyes. Anyway, I'm like, fucking, are you okay, mate? You need a day off? He's like, oh, I was out last night. Just to clarify, I've identified it within the first 3 seconds. That's the visual element, right?

Yep.

So just to be clear, he's consumed enough alcohol and had a good enough time that he's instantaneously recognizable, that he looks like shit.

Yeah, okay, right.

Important detail, I think.

Yep.

We're like, bruv, where you been? He's like, oh, I went— we're like, oh, you've been out? He's like, no, I went out with my friend's fiancée.

Right, all right, well, okay.

There's some, there's some tilting of the head going on in the engine room. Yeah, we're like, all right, obviously, you know, I'm like this then.

Tell me more.

Yeah, apparently I'm a gossiper. To be fair, apparently I am a gossiper.

The other day when I asked if he's gonna fuck his bird in the bush, you did, you did hurdle a baby gate.

I did.

Yeah, Commando roll into a stance of anticipation. Yeah, yeah, I think you might be living vicariously through these people, sir. Yeah, fair enough.

We have to. Anyway. So yeah, he's been out with his friend's fiancée. They've been friends for a long time, but they had Thai tapas, which I think is an intimate meal for friends. Oh yeah, it's giving Lady and the Tramp. Spicy, you know what I mean? It's like literally sharing, that's the whole thing. It was like me and that nice lady on the podcast earlier with the tiramisu, in a way. Yeah. Maybe a line was crossed.

Yeah, okay.

Obviously he didn't chop her or anything, or so he says. Oh yeah, they get in late. He's had more than 5 drinks.

Is he?

Yeah. I would like to know how many ones. Yeah, exactly.

Probably if I have more than one. What if I have one? Honestly, right now You know those like non-alcoholic beers where it's like half a percent? Maybe, probably that.

It's called blue balls. Yeah. So is that okay or not okay?

That's for him to do. Yeah, like probably depends on the perspective of the fiancé guy, you know? Like if he's like, yeah, they do this all the time, it's cool, and I don't really give a fuck, then yeah, fine.

Finish that off, mate.

I don't know if I can.

You can have to.

Well, I obviously— I can. Don't know if I should.

Okay, mate.

But, um, right, I just want to eat later.

So yeah, there's food for thought there, just whether that's acceptable. I don't think tapas with—

I think dudes and chicks can be friends though.

Yeah, of course they can, but go for a coffee, innit? Not dimly lit tapas.

Well, I got mixed feelings on that because that used to be my dating technique. Coffee. So like, for me, that's actually more of a date than going for food, maybe tapas.

Yeah, mate, it's called tap ass. Break it down. Tapping the ass.

I'm with you on that.

Hey, maybe there was just a fucking whole blurred line there, so he was like, you know what, she's up, and he said, hey, tap ass, question mark?

Yeah.

And she's gone, yeah, I know this good Thai place that does it.

Yeah, brilliant.

And he's gone, oh fuck, uh, all right, yeah. No, he confirmed he went for Thai tapas.

I think—

oh no, he might have actually tapped ass. Yeah, true. How was your night, tapas?

Good. Shit. So what's the—

I've actually finished it. Jesus Christ.

Um, what, what's—

just blur his name out, how about that?

What's it— yeah, what's the most platonic meal you could have then? Oh, Subway.

Um, yeah, something like that. Something real messy, maybe.

So if you've got a chick as a friend, you can go for Subway.

What's really— what would you not like to eat in front of a chick? Like something you have to eat with your hands. There's a few things. This gets heavily edited, by the way.

A few things that I'd like to eat on a chick.

Yeah, I thought Well, that's what I said. I was like, you might as well just suck whipped cream off her nipples if you're doing tapas.

Yeah, do you know what I mean?

It's giving Lady and the Tramp, like sucking spaghetti off and finishing off with a mooch.

Yeah, like a, like a whipped cream bikini.

Yeah, like a fucking— might as well be a set of pants made out of fucking little, you know, the sweet candy picture up there. Yes, yes, yeah. And it's just our undisclosed friend from the gym.

Yeah, so like tapas is basically like genuine candy pants. Yeah, yeah.

So what wouldn't be allowed? I mean, what would be kosher?

Well, you said Subway. Yeah, Subway in a garage, you know, when they're like in a garage. Yeah, there's usually a little sitting place.

Yeah, fine.

If you go there, that's probably okay, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

McDonald's or something, or Five Guys. Yeah, all right with that.

Nando's even, maybe.

Nah, Nando's too much. Okay, no, especially in Yorkshire, mate.

Yeah, that's true. Confirmed, it's multi-regional. Multi-regional code for tapping of the ass.

Yeah, do you want a Nando's? Oh, you bet I do. Can I get a roll with that?

Yeah, nice. Um, what else? What's messy? What is just messy? Spaghetti, like an Italian. That's datey.

Yeah, that's definitely dating. It's real datey because, yeah, some of them have live music and everything, singing people. That's really—

yeah, if there's a dude there doing live music.

All right, then what about Hickory's? I think you can get away with Hickory's.

Yeah, you can get away with Hickory's.

It's a bit—

yeah.

Hey, would you take a girl on a date to Subway?

Absolutely not. Yeah, so there you are. There you are. No, no, I'm just saying if it's like cool, if you've got a chick friend, where can you go without it not—

yeah, but if you've got a chick friend and you take her for a tapas That's not a friend thing, is it?

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, that's totally out of context. He doesn't know where that's come from. He's just saying— yeah, yeah, that's fingering.

Yeah, I did feed one of our clients tiramisu by hand on the podcast live, to be fair. That's got to be some sort of record. Yeah, classic. Now what? Should we end the podcast now? Oh no, or do you use any other?

That's probably good, is it? That's probably it.

What about an ice cream? Ice cream date, isn't it?

Yeah, what are the tiramisu bar in Melbourne? Would that be a date thing? I thought it was— do you? I thought it was quite casual, but it's tiramisu and that really does add—

oh yeah, no, tiramisu. I don't think there's a more sexual dessert.

No, because you just want to get in And yeah, fair enough. Yeah, I see.

Yeah, do you know what I mean? There's a bit of coffee in there, there's a bit of brandy, there's cream. There's plenty of connotations there. Just a dusting of chocolate and soaked biscuit. Dry biscuit, fair enough. Yeah, that's something you're gonna share with Grandma.

But moist, soaked biscuits.

But yeah, literally coffee-soaked biscuit. That sounds like chopping. Mm-hmm. So yeah, if you want to go on a date, ask him for tiramisu or tapas. If you want to keep it kosher, keep it friendly, um, you can go to Subway, which ironically do kosher options and halal. So all bases covered. Yeah, there you go. Right, we'll wrap it up there.

Yeah, probably should.

Probably. It's gone on fucking way too long. We have to pay Poppy double this week. Christ, we— yeah, fuck. All right, okay, right. Say bye, Ian.

Bye, Ian.