EP 89: This Dog Trainer Shit Himself (Literally)

Shout out to one of our podcast sponsors, the Canine Carpenter. If you're after any canine carpentry in any way, shape, or form, this is the guy for you. We'll stick a little link in the description, um, that includes obedience boxes. We've got a few on the way. Um, what? You just—

it's not an ad.

This is an ad.

Oh, it's actually— yes, I thought you were taking the piss out of it.

No, he's an ad.

Cover him right up.

So if your dog's got 3 toes, give him a shout.

You got a 3-toed sloth?

Yeah, but jokes aside, this guy puts blood, sweat, and tears in every, every piece of craftsmanship he does. So nice, go and check him out.

What type of timber does he use?

I don't know. All right, I'm not a timber connoisseur.

We should be.

I thought that was a joke for half the time.

You're a joke.

That mustache is a joke.

Ginger.

It's full ginger.

It's not full ginger. In the sun it's full ginger. Yours is ginger. Strawberry blonde. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think it's a legit strawberry blonde. All right then, we've been joined by Adam Carl Hope that's making a lot of racket.

Sorry, sorry, these fucking lids in the UK.

Is that your full name?

Carl.

C-A-R-L. Carl.

All right. Yeah, Adam Carl Hope sounds like, um, serial killer or a sniper out of a movie that's killed the president or something.

Adam Carl Hope.

Yeah, yeah, he's got that in him, hasn't he?

Sometimes.

They do call him the sniper in the dog world though, because he's so accurate with his techniques.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, Adam Carl Hope, the sniper. Yep. Right, do you want to tell everyone why you're here?

No, no, I don't. Uh, yeah, so we came over from Australia because we're actually opening a Perth K9 Academy, you know, in Australia. We're rebranding our business, which I'm currently Freedom K9, but we're, yeah, opening the facility in Perth. Jacob, Kirky, myself, we're my wife Brodie, taking YCA worldwide. Yeah, there you go.

Keen rimmer, Brodie.

Yeah, yeah, maybe enjoy that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, we're gonna have our first— we'll call it a sister company, shall we? Yeah, over in Perth, Australia. Not Scotland, because there is a Perth in Scotland, not to be confused.

Yeah, yeah, way colder, I can only assume.

Much colder. Has beaches.

We went there, wasn't very good.

Did you? Have you?

Yeah, stop through. I went to Scotland just for fun.

And you're just like, just for the fuck of it?

Yeah, we went through one straight, we're like, we're leaving. Yeah, not for me.

Nothing like home.

Nah, nothing.

Fair enough. All right, well, well, that's very exciting news.

Yeah, it is. It's a bit different, but excited.

Are you nervous?

Uh, no, not really. But we've been doing the pretty much training the very similar to you after jumping onto the mentorship and kind of learning the ways from yourself, Kirkie, and everyone over here. So we just thought, why not just go the next step?

I see you run a boot camp basically this week, and it was just like—

yeah, it just slid right in. It's actually crazy. Yeah, we threw Adam in the deep, deep end, ran our boot camp, or in the middle of running our boot camp. And, uh, yeah, like a Duck to water.

Yeah, it's a good job because otherwise you would drown because it's short.

Yeah, I like to get a fucking booster seat to see it.

Yeah, he's got the booster.

Yeah, he's got the booster.

There's been a few small looking people. I'm quite small, but a few small looking people.

Yeah, nice. That's really the reason why we picked you, because you're one of the very few men on planet Earth that's actually shorter than I am. You see the last comments? Is that guy huge? And then someone goes, yeah, he's just fucking massive.

Was it?

He's massive.

Yeah, he is.

Put the comment up here.

Yeah, he's a big But to be fair, someone stuck up for me. They were like, ah, that guy's not super small, it's just the other guy's a fucking behemoth.

He's not that small, he's just not as big as most people.

He said— they actually said he's not Diddy.

What?

Like Diddy, as in Diddy. Well, have you found the boot camp, mate?

Yeah, it's been good. It's, um, exactly what I thought. Like, last time we came down here, it was much, much the same. A bit of a smaller boot camp last time, but be good to see loads of dogs, a few more spicy dogs as well. And got a few this week which we thought initially might be a bit challenging, but seems to all be going well.

I'm good.

Yeah, they'll be fine. Even the bulldog.

Is that your dog making noise? No. Yeah, yeah, put him on your lap, mate, because I can't fucking— can we do an episode on why your dogs all have separation anxiety?

Because I always tell people I want them to.

There he is. Happy Dada now. No cry cry. No cry cry no more.

There you go. 10 quid for someone who can guess what he is. Yeah, someone will already know though, won't they?

Greyhound.

Basically Greyhound.

Spaniel, Whippet, Cress.

Is he?

Yeah.

Sprocket.

Sprocket.

He's a Sprocket. Yeah, with the whippets.

Sprocket with a whippet. Sprocket, whip it, sprocket.

I don't know, is that a thing or do you make it up?

I made it up. Yeah, no, you can't make up sprocket and white chocolate cheesecake.

Yeah, white chocolate cheesecake.

My two claims to that— someone, someone messaged me saying that, um, they thought that white chocolate cheesecake did exist before me, and I said prove it, and they couldn't.

Well, there you go. To be fair, yeah, so you can't prove it, then go fuck yourself.

No. Exactly. Um, dogs, all similar issues to what you see over in Perth?

Yeah, yeah, less tanned. Or yeah, much of muchness really. Exactly. No, exactly the same, no difference. I was saying to Jacob, to be honest, it's, um, it's— I thought might be some difference over here of certain dogs, but it's all pretty much the same. Same kind of issues, same kind of owners. Yeah, we're gonna say same, like a little bit of, uh, what's the word that you guys learned the other time I was over? Unco. Sometimes owners be a bit uncoordinated.

Yeah, that's fine.

But the same, the same issues that people struggle with back home, the same, the same teaching, the same learning process, being able to, you know, get your hand out your pocket, do this, do that. Um, but yeah, it was like dogs need the same kind of training. It's not really that hard.

Yeah, it's quite simple. Um, Dave Norcross. No, no, no. Knock her.

Do you?

Dentist. He's in Perth, so he moved from the UK to Perth to be a dental guy. Dentist. Dentist. Doing really well. He had, um, a dog in Australia that wouldn't cross the road. Like, he's just lay down in the middle of the road. I think it was a bulldog as well.

Come on, Dave. Yeah, incredible.

Yeah, Church is over there. I think he's got pugs maybe in Perth as well.

I believe church is in Perth.

I'm pretty sure, yeah.

Oh, would he meet us when we go out there?

Yeah, of course he would.

He's a big fucker, isn't he?

He's a big cow.

Yeah, you make you look tiny.

Who is he?

Yeah, yeah, I played rugby with him and then coached him at least.

Oh yeah, nice. He's in Perth now?

Yeah, yeah, I believe so.

Big dude makes Kirkie look like a tiny little—

nice.

Kirkie look like me and you.

Yeah, how big is he?

Big Eddie Somerville, he's there.

I don't know who that is. No.

Fat Tom.

It's making names up. It's making names.

Right, I'll read him.

Church has the deepest voice in the world.

Yeah, he does. Yeah, it's a very sexy voice. Yeah, what about Joe?

Good eye, mate. Oh, very similar. If, if they had the same accent, you'd think it was the same voice.

You could easily— you could easily be a similar guy, actually.

If we message Joe and say, do an Aussie accent.

Yeah, perfect. Yep. And then we'll get Church to do a British accent.

My mate Cookie and I have got a mate who we reckon sounds just like you. The only problem is he's Australian, so we're going to need you to send us a voice note doing an Australian accent so we can have an accurate, like, comparison, like an even playing field. So whether you could just raw dog it or you need a little bit of practice, just let us know. If you get it back to us in like next 45 minutes, that'd be super helpful.

That'd be even better.

Yeah, no, You wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

Can Poppy ping videos up or audio up? Yeah, do one of those ones.

We can do fucking everything. Oh yeah, fucking anything, mate.

Ping it up if not. Oh mate, I don't know what you want me to say, but I'll give it a bloody good crack. Like, Steve Irwin's probably like my fucking idol. Uh, just love him. Um, I don't even know if this is Aussie, but, uh, this is the best I've got.

Hey boys, I hope you're well. This message comes to you from Perth, Australia, where me and the family now live. Just so you know, this year marks 10 years since we opened in Plexus, Kirky, and that was the last time we were all together. So happy anniversary. Congratulations on the podcast, I hear it's doing really well, and, uh, I'm glad you boys have found something that you really love. So keep up the good work, and, uh, hopefully I'll see you soon.

Yeah, yeah.

Did you—

was that— I saw some of the examples, pretty wild, right? Okay then, so we are merging, we're docking, we're Dog Trainer docking. Yeah, together.

Yeah, pegging.

Um, we're gonna do a big— by the time this podcast is out, we'll have officially Yeah, you think so? We're gonna get in a lot of trouble. Yeah, yeah, ball and chain, aren't we?

Yeah, she won't be happy.

Yeah, she's already been fucking on at you on the blowers.

I made this video.

I fucking delete that now, you silly fucking short mustache.

Yeah, ginger mustache.

Yeah, ginger mustache, needle dick.

No, yeah, it wasn't that. No, no, no, it was.

Yeah, probably could have been in there.

No, I made a video just coming over here, you know, doing a little bit of a me running out in my suitcases, a bit of hype. And yeah, nice.

Pubs with like wide open arms and that.

Uh, not that bit, no, no. But yeah, me and J-Rod, he was saying post it, convinced me, and I posted it.

And she—

yeah, she did a little bit. Yeah, so I'm pretty good at that.

Impressed you into copping a bit.

It wasn't much.

You should be fine. Anyway, you should be fine.

You just said, shall we do it?

Fuck it. Within 30 seconds she's ringing him. You could just, you know, one of them asleep. I told you not to Yeah, you do get people in bother, don't you?

Yeah, by saying that, you are also the reason I've got Flea, so that's good.

Yeah, I peer pressured you into— that was reverse psychology into Flea, I think.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I'm also good at that one.

Master manipulator, some may say. Anyway, uh, you've got a great story I'd like you to tell on the podcast. It might be a bit too soon for our audience.

Origin story? Yeah, yeah, that one. No, no, no, one from last night. Yeah, how do we get onto it in the beginning? Uh, so, well, I feel like I'm pissed out now.

I know you did.

Bit of context behind this though.

You come to the animal center? Yeah. Oh yeah, we should do that.

That's not shit, is it?

That's not a terrible idea, is it?

No. What, boy's not a cuddle?

I know he's both birds, one house, lads, other house.

Yeah, it's a good idea.

That's maybe like how—

hopefully if you're listening, you'd consider it.

Life would be so much smoother if that's just how it was though, wouldn't it? If you lived with your mates but then every now and again just, just go and talk to your missus.

Yeah, it's pretty good life.

Yeah, sorry, Brodie. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Did mean it.

Oh shit.

Fuck.

Anyway, yeah, back onto poo. So yeah, um, the concept was that Jacob was basically about telling emergency poo, but on the way he does— we're talking about these emergency poo situations and I said I've got a pretty good story for you. Yeah, I want to hear it.

Yeah, this is mental.

This is mental. It's too much for the podcast. Nah, it'd be fine.

It's fine. It's a good one though. So I was gonna be sick. No, he was crying. So I was driving to work. This must have been about, I fucking know, like 5 and a half years ago or something. I was driving to work, had a curry the night before, so already a bit tender. Yeah. So driving down the freeway. If you live in Perth, if you're hearing this, you'll know, you know, when you're heading north, which I mean you're heading south on the Mitchell Freeway, you get to the tunnel. We've only got one tunnel in Perth. When you get to it, the barriers come up to the side so you can't, you know, hop out and pull your car over. But as I get to there, I go, you know, you get that feeling in your guts, and it was, it was one of those immediate ones where you go, I need to poo, but right now. Yeah, immediately. Um, immediately. I could have pulled over.

Tell me what your dad said.

He's ready.

When I was growing up, tell them the life lesson.

When I was growing up, my dad's like, 'One day you're gonna get to a certain age and you should have shit yourself.' I said, 'All right, come on.' I said, 'You won't.' I said, 'How do you feel?' I said, 'You never need a wee, but like, you can't shit yourself.' And then, yeah, I hit 25. Apparently you can. But yeah, anyway, I was, um, hit the tunnel and this peak hour traffic, so I couldn't stop anywhere. And I got into the tunnel and I just thought I have to shit myself. I'm just gonna have to poo in my shorts and just deal with it. Just get on with it. But, you know, you had that mental, like, fucking battle with myself, the devil and the angel. And I was like, Adam, you can't, you can't poo, you know, you can't poo your shorts. So I pushed through, got to the end of the tunnel. I was like, if I just get through this tunnel, the next exit, it's a minute drive, I'm at work. Come out the traffic, uh, out of the tunnel, traffic backed up in a crash, traffic lights about 200 meters away.

And I was just see them in the distance.

Dead stop traffic. And I just thought, I'm not gonna shit myself. So I got out, opened the door, dead stop traffic, pulled my shorts down, took a shit on the floor. Cars behind me, cars to the side of me, dual lanes. Um, it wasn't a full— wasn't a full—

wasn't a full one.

It was a quick squeeze, back in the car, finish off at the servo. That's gotta be illegal, surely.

Yeah, yeah.

But I'll cop the fine rather than clean my shorts in the car. So yeah, it was a— had a few more after that, but nothing, nothing, nothing like that. Had a Tupperware one. That was back of the van in the Tupperware container. Dare Ice could be— you've had Dare Ice? You've been to Australia? Yeah, the milky, milky coffees.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get you straight through it.

Dangerous. Coffee and a cigarette, but yeah, yeah, just a milkshake version.

Oh, amazing. See, he told you it was good. I'm still thinking about that all day. Yeah, every time I close my eyes, I see him just squatting down on the freeway.

Yeah, but then we had this conversation and he had to sprint into Maccas to do his shit on the way home. Didn't— barely made it. Went to open the toilet and it was locked. Touch some cloth on the way through.

Oh God, he filmed it, to be fair.

Jacob just had a perfect emergency poo in the— in Macker's.

Yeah, fuck off vlogging.

And then emergency poo when it's needed. Mackie D's. Not him.

Oh yeah, get down the block.

Waddling in.

Waddling.

There he is, clenching.

Yeah, like speed walking Olympics, that kind of weird speed walking Olympics.

That was fun. One time I really shouldn't tell, this is awful.

All right, go on.

One time I was walking back from a restaurant because where Mae and I lived at the time was, I don't know, it was a mile away from the house. And it was emergency poo time. Bloomin'—

what's going on?

And I was like, fuck, I gotta get home. So I started running, and I was in my going-out gear, and I was running. I know, I overtook a guy that was actually out for a run. Yeah, competitive runner. He had the glasses on and everything. Like, past him, I'm in my chinos and Birkenstocks.

He had this like name on it, like Brownlee or something.

Oh yeah, proper cop. Yeah, right.

Yeah.

Do you make it? Yeah, yeah, nice.

I would have won an Olympic gold that day. Right, that's enough about poo.

Oh no, don't know.

The dog trainer— the— this dog trainer shit himself, in brackets, literally.

No, that's the whole point of why I went on the floor. Yeah. Hey, only one.

Yeah, no more than one. Yeah, it won't be.

Yeah, sure.

Why is that?

Yeah, mind over matter. Yeah.

For anyone listening, hiccups are truly a figment of the imagination. That's not quite it.

To be fair, psychological phenomenon, you said. And then, but to be fair, every time you've done it, you've actually gone through it.

Yeah, you proved it right for now.

Yeah. And I have to actually have like be called out on it. I've hiccuped multiple times when you just like let them happen. But if you just— yeah, so trust me, after you've listened to this podcast, it will change your life. You'll never hiccup more than once again because it's truly just in your brain.

So there you go, Dr. Morgan.

Where's he going then?

He's fucked off.

He's fucked off.

He's fucked off.

We've got a dog gone.

Oh, there he is.

Come here, go on Dada's lap. Good boy.

Good boy. Exploring, are you?

What else should we talk about, chaps?

I don't know, what do you mean? Do anything poignant?

Well, you're coming over, both of you coming to Australia.

Oh yeah, that's good.

Yeah, yep. Any, any plans in your spare time?

Watching your Mrs. bash them.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh yeah, nice.

Yeah, my wife Brodie's fighting. There you go, shout out.

Where that was gonna go then.

Yeah, watching your Mrs. bash already.

Oh yeah, yeah. And then I think, and your imagination went, yeah, yeah, um, yeah, we'll do that.

I don't know, no extracurricular planned yet. No, no church, I guess. Yeah, yeah, see if Joe's replied.

Yeah, might be all right weather still, so go to the beach. Best beaches in Australia.

Not going to be much worse than it is here, is it?

Nah.

Yeah, you reckon best beaches in the world, now you're saying Australia.

Oh yeah, yeah, I'll, I'll kick that. Best beach in the world.

Subjective criteria of what the best beach is.

Up in north, north of Western Australia, best beach in the world.

On what criteria?

Color of the water, the clearness of the water, clarity, right? Yeah, clarity, clearness, both of the world.

Fishies.

Where I was brought up Pebbles. Hole.

Yep, that's because the particular beach had unexploded ordnance on it.

Ah, not—

oh, and every now and again it'd go off.

That's pretty wild. Yeah, yeah.

So like, what do you mean?

Did someone die? No, that's what I was gonna say. One died.

Oh, like from World War II?

No, so you know the A-10s, the tank destroying planes that they used in the Gulf? I think we still use them now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's the fucking firing range for them just onto the coast. But then I don't know, obviously no one thought about, oh, hang on, some of these unexploded shit is gonna drop in the sea because there's erosion going on. So it happened in the water or on the beach, like on the, on the clifftop, but it's clay cliffs and the seas erode and the cliffs at an exponentially high rate.

Yeah, so then the stuff falls into onto the beach and as it hits, it blows up. Yeah, that's quite cool. Yep.

Yeah, so it depends what your criteria is, you know.

Yeah, if you're into explosives, exploded organs. But if you're not, then Perth's pretty good.

Western Australia, not bad.

Australia, okay as well.

No, no, it's a landmine.

But otherwise, yeah, yeah, I wouldn't go there for that. Yeah, you can hold a wombat in Perth as well. Catch on Wildlife Park, you go there, they put a wombat straight on your lap.

That is good.

He's a big boy as well.

Haven't they got chlamydia?

Uh, no, that's, um, koalas. Yeah, they're fucking boring.

I'll tell you what I did see.

Yeah, they don't really do anything.

They're cute, but they're just like, they're stoned dads just lying there doing nothing.

A few female humans like that.

Smackheads. What?

Yeah, heroin addicts, but like a smackhead. Like, what?

No.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, I've never seen a sexy heroin addict. No, not a problem.

The other day, didn't we?

Yeah.

Course of gas. Yeah, in York, of all places.

Of all places.

Like, oh, she's a good-looking chick. Is she a heroin addict?

Is that a needle? Is that needle?

Heroin addict fucking—

a cannula?

Fucking, um, physique or something.

It's mental. Very much so. Not a bad sort though.

No, not a terrible sort by any means. That's going to get us cancelled.

Wombat fact: is it true they've got a leathery ass and they stick themselves in the burrow and stuff can't get them out because they just stick their ass in the face. Is that true?

He's Australian, not a zoologist.

Yeah, he kind of looks like—

they're not all Stephen Twisted.

As we've discussed though, it's a bit of a Timu Aussie, so I don't—

he's not actually Australian either. Yeah, yeah, which is ridiculous.

There's a fact for you.

Yeah, this is not even Australian.

A bit of a shitty—

twice, actually born in the UK.

Gravesend in Kent, just letting you know if you live there, it's a shithole.

Um, and you moved there when you were like 10 or 12 or something?

Yeah, 12. Yeah, yeah.

How old are you now?

30, just turned 30.

Oh, so you've had 18 years.

Pretty more, pretty Australian, more Aussie.

Yeah, but can you do your original accent for the rest of the podcast or no?

No, I don't think so. My dad's still got it.

Is he?

Yeah, probably real strong. He was brought, he was brought up in like rules, like um, like Southeast London, so he's got a very strong accent.

Cockney?

Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, close.

Could you ring him or no?

My dad?

Yeah.

No, he'd be asleep.

What do you mean you can't ring him?

11 o'clock. Oh yeah, yeah, it'd be well out. It's like fucking like 90s.

Wait, go on, wake him up.

He's 90.

See if he answers.

He's fine, he's fine.

You could do.

I could try. Yeah, I don't know if I've got my phone. No, I haven't.

I know.

Next podcast.

What's his name? Craig?

Keith.

Keith.

There you go.

Tell them all about your family's shit names. Brother's called Craig.

Yeah, shit name. Dad's called Keith.

Yeah, Keith's a pretty good name.

It's not. I said to my—

I told you about my mate Keith Sandhu. Yeah, yeah, I'll tell that story in a second, but go on.

No, no, don't worry.

Paul.

Paul. Yeah, yeah, that's his middle name. Yeah, Brian, Barry.

Yeah, Leslie. Yeah, Leslie, less bloke-ish. Who is it? My mate's called Keith Sandhu, right? He's a Sikh, swear to fucking God. He's a Sikh bloke, um, great bloke. Real name, Sharanjit, right? Yeah, Sharanjit. I can't— I don't know his middle name. Sandhu. Um, he grows up in Bradford, but he plays rugby league. So you can imagine the fucking amount of stick he's copped. Yeah, from playing rugby. Yeah, he's a young Indian man.

Yep.

Right, so he gets to 16 and he goes, I'm gonna change my name.

Nice. And I'll fix it.

And you pick Cave.

He could have picked any name in the fucking world. And do you know what he picked?

Keith.

Do you want to know why you picked Keith?

Somewhere.

Keith Senior, brilliant. Big idol to him. Yeah, rugby player. He's gone on and we called Keith.

Nice.

That's me changing mine to John Cena. All Sikh men should have the surname Singh.

They have a shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, that's the rule. Okay, so I think some Sandhu is like his differentiator name.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, because there's so many Singhs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Very ignorant people are gonna just presume they're all related.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah, there you go.

So what about females then?

Uh, I believe, um, Kaur. Well, well done, good knowledge, Suzanne.

Yeah, so Bindi's name should be—

if she's a Sikh, yeah.

There she is.

Yeah, should be Kaur. Yeah, she probably is in her birth. Spell it out. K-O-R-R, maybe.

K-A-U-R. Oh yeah, that'll be it.

Yeah, you'll recognize that name. Yeah, cool.

All right, interesting.

There you go, facts.

So yeah, and then in, uh, Iceland, your surname is your dad's surname— is your dad's first name with son on the end. Yeah, Gunnarsson, Bjornsson. So you'll be Craigson.

Keithson.

Keithson. I'd be Craigson. You'd be Bobson.

Your dad's name's Craig?

Ian Bobson. That's a great name.

That's probably better than my own name.

That's a good one.

So yeah, we're heading to Perth. We're gonna go swimming in the beach, snorkel us maybe.

Yeah, all right.

Is it sharks? You got sharks?

Yeah, lots.

Yeah, brilliant.

So good.

Great whites?

Yeah, yeah. Swan River in Perth looks beautiful. Don't go swimming in it. Bull sharks everywhere.

No, no, no, mate. Not for one second are we bothered by that.

Oh, because you're some of them. Yeah. Hey, a fucking—

New South Wales, mate.

Me and last year, 14-year-old girl, boom.

Yeah, 14-year-old girl. Look at us. What do we look like, 14-year-old girls?

I mean, not him, but the hair's getting long, so maybe.

Well, she got fucking fully mushed by it. Yeah, that's awful.

A bunch of kids. Yeah, it's pretty sad, but yeah, well, yeah, I don't know.

I'm not gonna pretend to fucking give a shit. Yeah, it's probably some bloke died. That dead. Did you care about that guy? Dead. That guy?

No.

Dead. That chick, mother of three, just dead.

He's just making up.

There's people dying. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can swim in it if you want.

I will give it a crack.

That's only done as an average though, isn't it? So there actually could be a period of time where no one dies and then a bus full of people, right?

So we're gonna play a game Alright. We're all to say a word. We've played this game before. Any word in the English dictionary. Well, we're talking about nouns here, so things.

Yeah. And then—

we're gonna do it in rounds. So we all say the first word at the same time. Yeah. And the goal of the game is to end up saying the same word.

I think we've got it today.

Right, but you've got to take each word and find something in the middle that might be associated with those three commonalities. Does that make sense?

We'll give it a go.

So if I said—

no, no, I've got it. Yeah, you got it?

I think so.

If he said rain and I said walking stick, it might be umbrella. If he said grass and I said sky, it might be True.

I remember it not working out that well last time.

So what, just fucking guessing words? No, no, let's give it a go. All right, ready? I think. You got words in your head?

You're just picking a random noun to start, no theme to start?

No.

So you gotta say the letter after one that I say. Is that right? Is that what you're saying?

What the fuck's wrong with you? I know what you're fucking talking about. What the fuck? In 3 seconds. 1, 2, 3, you're just gonna say a word.

Yeah, it's got to be a word.

Like a thing, an object. Something.

Yeah, ready?

1, 2, 3. Bottle, lamp, car. Lads, fairly easy, I think. Yeah, fairly easy. Bottle, lamp, car. All right, ready? 1, 2, 3.

Headlights.

What'd you say?

Headlights.

I said headlights.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, yeah, it's a tough one.

1, 1, 2, 3.

Would you say wheel?

Wheel.

Warning light.

Warning light.

Oh, I was gonna say indicator.

What'd you say?

Warning light.

I was gonna say indicator. I said wheel.

Wheel. Warning light. Bonnet.

Yeah. All right, all right, got it. I'm trying to—

yeah, I can only imagine this is amazingly entertaining for people.

Could be. People might be playing at home. They could be one 2, 3. Windscreen. Oh, what did you say?

Steering wheel.

We've already said steering wheel. Have we? I think so.

Brain, brain problems.

Right, I got one.

Easy, fellas.

Come on.

What did you say on that last one?

Windscreen.

Both windscreen.

So we've had a 2 and a 1 and a 2 and a 1.

Yeah, 2 and a 1, 2 and a 1.

Windscreen, steering wheel. Yeah.

All right, ready?

Yeah. 3, 2, 1.

Windscreen wipers.

You fucking silly.

He went steering wheel, so I was like, oh, what'd you say before?

What was that? What did you say? What did you say?

Windscreen wipers. Then I went— then I went handbrake.

Oh yeah, you said windscreen. We said windscreen wipers.

Oh yeah, yeah.

So we got handbrake and windscreen wipers.

All right, we got this one, boys. Yeah, connecting, connecting.

Yeah, straight in between the two.

Ready? I think so.

1, 2, 3. Radio.

Oh, what you saying?

Oh, I think, I think, I think I feel good on this one.

I think I feel good. Yeah, I don't know, I'm trying to think of fucking anything else. Like, yeah, no, we got it, we got it, we got it. Straight in between. Ready? 3, 2, 1. Seatbelt.

Rearview mirror.

Oh, back. Yeah, this is going worse. We're backtracking here. We're backtracking already.

We're backtracking here.

We're diverging.

Oh, fuck's sake. How many times have you completed this?

Yeah, it's easier with 2 though.

Oh, it would be, yeah.

Because we've already done it like twice or 3 times maybe, haven't we?

So what were the last ones we said? I said aircon.

I said seatbelt.

Gears is more of a concept.

Yeah, sorry, it's not. You have an aircon thing, don't you? Like climate control?

Yeah, but I should have said aircon control, I guess.

Yeah, but you know, come on, I'll stick to a principle.

One more? Yeah, one more.

So I've had aircon, you were what?

Seatbelt.

Okay, aircon, seatbelt, gear stick.

Yeah, easy.

Ready? Yeah. Aircon, seat belt, gear stick. Yeah, yeah. 3, 2, 1. Bonnet. I've said bonnet. Seat and chair. Seat and chair. Yeah, seat, chair, bonnet. Seat, chair, bonnet.

It's fuck all left on a car, especially if it's a Tesla.

I've got it, I've got it. Straight in between. I've got it.

Well, you're in between.

Let's—

we say something. Fuck's sake.

One more for one more. Yeah, easy.

Ready? 3, 2, 1.

Brightons.

Oh, what did you say? Tires. Tires. We were close.

Yeah, we're gonna give up on that one. Yeah, that's pretty— I feel like we got there really quick.

Yeah, yeah.

And then just—

fuck, just fell apart.

Should we do another one? Nah, no, no. People at home might have loved it.

They might have.

All right, give us a finishing talking topic.

Have we spoken about anything dog-related?

Um, I don't think so.

Do you want to?

Do we have to?

Oh no, throw something in.

Yeah, I'd like you to—

I'd like you—

yeah, you throw something in the hat then, new boy.

A bit of an origin, why I got into dog training, maybe.

We'll do that next podcast. Yeah, you already told a shit yourself story.

Oh yeah, that's pretty rough.

You got some dogs, haven't you?

Yeah, I got dogs. Got German Shepherd, um, a bit of a Bitzer. She's like a bully staff, some staffy, something. Yeah, some kind of staffy.

Looks border collie coloring, but yeah, yeah, I thought she was a border collie cross.

Border collie coloring but looks like a staffy.

Chindervue or not?

Nah, nah, she's just like a nerve bag that we picked up a few years ago and then, um, yeah, she's good now. Sweetheart.

Nice.

Yeah, German Shepherd's a bit of a tosspot, but Big Floyd, yeah, he's good. Now he's good.

Just 2 dogs you got?

Yeah, just 2. I was gonna get 3 but got banned. Sorry, I was gonna get 3 but Mrs. said no.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Story of your life, really.

Pretty much, yeah. Happy wife, happy life. Yep. Or yeah, or fuck it.

Yeah, they leave you. Yeah, fair dinkum, mate.

Yeah.

Um, all right. Uh, yeah, we don't want to— do we want to talk about dogs? Anything else to do with dogs? What's dog culture like comparatively from Perth to the UK?

I think it's pretty— obviously your, um, your working dog scene is pretty big over here, but when it comes to pet dogs, like, it's all very much for muchness. I think it's there's not many people that sit in the, in the balance community. There's a lot of, um, a lot of, a lot of force-free trainers. Um, a lot of vets recommend them out to behaviorists to get chucked on meds. A lot of old school, you know, compulsion-based trainers. I have a lot of the— you've ever had like Bark Busters? Yeah, bag of chains.

Yeah, there's some, there's some around here.

Yeah, yeah, that kind of shit. So yeah, a few compulsion-based trainers, a lot Um, but bought straight as well. Some good trainers though in the balance community, got some good friends. And yeah, we're trying to improve the community, or improve the standard in the community a little bit.

Yeah, nice. Yeah, yeah, good. Yeah, can I have that sound bite please, Poppy, just for my text ringtone? Go on, what are you gonna say?

It's one of my favorite, like, exciting things on the fucking Physical 100 when they do that thing.

Oh, do you like that, do you?

Yeah, it's cool as fuck. It just takes a long time.

Subtitles, eh?

Uh, no, it's dubbed.

Oh, same. Yeah, same, same.

It's not.

God, it's really different. It's the one you could listen to.

Yeah, too annoying.

Read. Too annoying? In what way, mate?

Just weird accents.

You can't— you've got a weird accent.

You're not wrong.

Weird British kind of Australian, mate.

As soon as I click on Netflix and it's dubbed, I can't watch it.

Really? Yeah, actually, I'd prefer subtitles, to be fair.

Do you?

Yes, they are like wacky, over-the-top fucking Americanized, as opposed to—

Yeah, but like some of the Nordic noir, like, fucking series, they're pretty good. Series? Series.

What is it?

I can't remember the guy, but, um, On the Plain Over, good series if you want to watch it. Didn't think it was gonna be good. Uh, Jason Momoa, he does, um, about like the, the tribes in Hawaii. Going at it. Can't remember the name of it. Yeah, like going to war, tearing up. Yep, a lot of subtitles, a little bit of English after you get into a few episodes.

But what language do they speak in Hawaii? Haitian?

Hawaiian?

Haitian?

Maybe.

Yeah, Samoa.

Yeah, they are like Samoa.

Google it. Oh, Siri, I can't—

stitch me up again.

You got Apple CarPlay in your car?

Yeah.

You can ask Siri to play a song, it'll play a song, won't it?

Yeah, there you go.

No, true, it's a fact.

Well, it's like the voice. I don't know if it's Siri.

You say, hey Siri, play this song.

Oh dear. And he goes, okay.

Yes, this is Hawaiian.

There you go.

Creole English known as Pidgin, which is what they speak a lot in, um, Miami too. Lots of people speaking Creole there.

All right, but yeah, good show. Yeah, good show.

Yeah, yeah. All right, we'll give it a go outside tonight.

Probably won't.

You won't?

Probably not.

Why not? Just wasn't— didn't sell it enough?

No, just right out of the blue, wasn't it? It's like, do you know what's okay?

We're talking about series.

Yeah, but you think, oh, it's okay.

That's, that's good.

That's good.

Great.

No, not great.

Oh, it's pointless though, isn't it? It's not great.

I'd love to watch a not great show.

Yeah, good enough for a 13-hour plane ride. Yeah, yeah, there you go. That's what we're getting at.

Yeah, okay.

When your eyes are bleeding because you've not slept for—

yeah, yeah, between 4 kids.

There's actually a lesson in all of this, and I'm about to bring it to dogs, boys.

There we go. Yeah, this one from—

Yeah, when you're deprived of something, you will choose other options. For example, I wouldn't dream of taking a shit in McDonald's toilets until I'm almost shitting myself, and at that point it was like a fucking—

so you were deprived of a nice toilet or a toilet of choice?

Yes. And just like if you are stuck somewhere, like on a 13-hour plane ride, let's say you didn't have Wi-Fi you might even opt to choose a book that you preferentially wouldn't otherwise because of more— more boredom is the breeding ground for motivation.

Yeah, nice.

Yeah, that's good.

And, uh, man's downfall is actually down to the fact that he has an inability to sit with himself in a room in silence.

There's a little bit there.

Yeah, but yeah, maybe that's nothing to do with anything. Yeah, like, would you ever dream of taking your fucking kecks down when you just needed a slight poo and shitting on the freeway? No, definitely not. In that moment, you did something. So if you can see the correlation there, just let us know in the comments.

Yeah, and if you can't, that's okay too.

And if you've ever taken a shit on the freeway Yeah, or anywhere weirder.

Yeah, you let us know publicly on a big platform where is the weirdest place you've ever taken a shit.

If it's weird in the freeway, I'll do something, I'll buy you a pint.

Yeah, you'll buy you a— fine, we'll send you a t-shirt if you comment. Oh nice, just let us know the weirdest place that you've done an emergency.

It's got to be somehow like real though. Otherwise you'll just be getting— yeah, yeah, making sure just to get one of these sick t-shirts.

What kind of evidence do we want?

Yeah, footage would be good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, CCTV would be great.

Non-AI, you can blur out the genitalia or whatever.

Yeah, we don't want that, we just want to—

the exit.

Yeah, we've got to see at least, otherwise it don't count.

It's getting your ass out.

I was just doing a few fucking barbell squats.

You have to see something for verification.

Yeah, there was a lady in Perth that was going for a local run around and she was shitting in supermarkets. No, nothing like that though, but not in supermarkets, just outside a local shop. And she was doing the same shop every run every week, so they put it on, put her on the news. They got all the CCTV, they blurred it out, they put on news. I don't know, but there you go.

Why the—

yeah, Poppy, can we get some verification of that please? Just up here.

Might not have been Perth, might— pretty sure it was Perth, but if not, somewhere in Australia. One was going around taking a shit outside someone's property.

I never found out who this was. Someone once took a shit on my driveway.

How does he know it was human shit?

You know when you just know? And there was also a sock next to it that had been used to wipe, so I— oh my God, there was signs.

What house is this?

My current house.

Oh, your current one? Yeah. Oh yeah, it's kind of like—

it's rural-ish.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's kind of out the way. So if you were gonna shit anywhere, give it still.

Someone's driving.

How do you know it's human?

No, you just know that.

Yeah, dog's not using a sock to wipe, bruv.

Oh, sorry, I missed that.

Yeah, fuck it.

Yeah, there's a sock, like an ankle sock or what? Look at you, right?

Yeah. Recently.

Sorry, recently.

Last year.

You've known— lived there long?

No, I lived there 2 years. Middle of last year, maybe.

Who'd you piss off?

I don't know, probably a lot of people.

Someone just desperate for a poo, I think.

Yeah, yeah. Pissed off a couple of dudes today, to be fair.

Did you?

You know, Bumble's not a great driver. Well, he doesn't drive, but he's not a great traveler. Yeah, I was driving down fucking Old Mate Road and there's like fuck big speed bumps in there, so I'm just like creeping over him. And this guy behind me is like in a Merc and he's like edging around, like trying to overtake. And I'm like, just like, mate, just honestly, it's like a 20-mile-an-hour limit anyway. Anyway, it gets to the turn, like to turn into where it was me and, um, Sam.

Road rage story.

Yeah, it is a bit.

It's great.

And I just kind of like slowed down even more, like I took the piss with my corner speed. He gets on the horn, so I get on the horn back. Yeah, you're going out, sticks his fucking arm out the sunroof. I'm like, I wish I had a sunroof.

You just fucking full honked it straight through the top. I should have. He would have shit his pants.

And then he's got a mate in a car.

I'm pretty sure transit customs don't have sunroofs.

That's fucking terrifying.

That's crazy.

Oh, fuck that shit.

His mate in behind, obviously he's driving a fucking Golf. He starts fucking—

How'd you know it was his mate?

I could just tell.

They got a cup and a string fucking to each other?

You just know, don't you? 2 assholes. I hope they listen to the podcast.

Yeah, fuck them.

Yeah, like totally unnecessary. I get a bit defensive when I got the dogs in the back.

Yeah, I'm, I'm— yeah, I'm worse with the dogs in the car.

Anything else? Do you come up beside you or anything?

No, no stops. And I waited and I would have— I was like a little— it's like Bumble, really. Yeah, it's like, let's go, let's go.

We're sorry, Bumble just fucking— yeah, yeah, that was it.

Good tear up. Yeah, that was it. But Pretty good story for Wednesday.

Yeah, nice. You got a road rage story? We've told someone, they were so bad they had to get cut out.

Oh yeah, now I'm pretty calm.

I took a guy's keys out of his ignition and threw him across the field.

Fucking hell.

Yeah, I went up and I was like, I'll dumb it down a bit so this one maybe—

this version maybe stay in.

Yeah, maybe stay in. Yeah, he's just extremely angry at me, so I went and just was like, hey, what are you so angry about? And then he was like, oh, I'm not. So I turned off his ignition, I unplugged his keys.

We're good so far.

And threw them into a field. And he went, oh, and he got out and I just watched him fucking sifting through grass. I said, yeah, I was like, well, maybe you shouldn't be so angry. And I just drove off. Ah, that one too bad. And then I got into a fucking big, what's it called, combine harvester and just fucking shredded it. Pieces. I'm joking, joking.

That's where your head goes at the time though sometimes, isn't it? Yeah. And that's also dog related.

It was the Red Mist.

You couldn't get punished for that, could you? Because you might be thinking about tearing that guy up in the car park because he's been a douchebag, but you didn't do it.

You make good choices.

So you didn't get arrested for it.

I don't think the key thing would have been legal.

Yeah, is it illegal? It's not assault.

Which is like, you can't fucking punish dogs for looking at dogs, right? Because they've not done a crime yet. Yeah, you get like forward action of behavior, but you get, you get— I think you were wrong. You start punishing dogs for looking at dogs, I think it causes problems anyway.

But yeah, a lot of that, yeah, a lot of that noise.

Do you?

Yeah, yeah, Morgan. A lot of, a lot of, um, like held into obedience. So, you know, here's a heel, you break the heel. Bang, or look over, even glance at a dog. Oh yeah, smash.

Yeah, yeah, that's dangerous shit. That creates a ticking time bomb. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's how you get bit as well.

Yeah, yeah, we're speaking of that earlier with the boot campers, and a few of them have done, uh, seen some, seen someone, same thing, got himself chinned. Yeah, just straight smashed them into obedience, turned around, said, you know what, oh, fuck you.

Yeah, crazy, innit? No, we do it entirely different.

We do.

Yeah, literally the opposite. Oh yeah, yeah, kind of.

Yeah, you do what you want.

Just not that thing. And then if you do these couple of things, it's great.

Yeah, see, how about that?

It's called disparity. How is that? How do you feel about doing those different things now?

I feel pretty good about that.

I feel pretty clear in my head right now. Yeah. Should we go for a wander? Absolutely.

Yeah, stroll.

Should we head to one of the best beaches in the world?

We've not— yes, hammered. Oh, today we should take him.

How long are you here for?

Another 4 or 5 days.

I'll take you for a dip over there.

I went to Wolverhampton. Oh, um, a bit of decoy work. Went there, stayed there.

Very—

I went for a walk around the town. Wouldn't recommend.

Yeah, stay in the hotel, mate.

It was fucking dodgy as well. Moved to an Airbnb very quickly.

Yeah, very nice.

Yeah, couldn't sleep.

Did you?

Yeah, junkies out the front.

Yeah, yeah, one or two.

Should remember to reprimand Owen for using the word stroll today.

I'm pretty sure you say strolls.

I've never said stroll. I didn't even know it was a word until he said it today.

No, you've definitely said stroll.

Yeah.

Should go for a stroll.

Yeah, yeah, you want to go for a stroll? I couldn't say it. Can I say that?

Can I do that? It's a white guy.

Yeah, yeah, he's white, it's fine, it's fine.

He's definitely white.

Whiter than me, so it's okay.

Yeah, all right, fair enough.

The whiter the accent, the more acceptable it is. Yeah, anything Scandinavian, you fucking sound What are you doing there? That's cute. Come on, get on that lap. That's a cute baby. We should talk about how many male dogs want to have sex with Blue, like he's a crossdresser, like a little femboy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've had— I have to warn— you know when we do the— well, back into the week we'll go obviously do a bit of like little femboy freaks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, crossdressing thing.

Back in the week, obviously we'll do like some resocializing stuff, getting dogs sniffing dogs and whatever. Yeah, I have to warn people that their dog is going to hump him, he's going to tell them off for it, and that's the only problem he'll have. But my dog's gonna try and kill your dog.

I'm like, no, he's gonna try and fuck him.

He's gonna try and fuck him. And they're like, nah, like his hackles are up, he's gonna try and fuck him. Dog tried to fuck him 3 times.

And weirdly, like, he's one of my dogs— he's Ranger's prison bitch. Yeah, he is.

Yeah, so Ranger won't let any other dog try and fuck him.

He's like, you're bad.

You're bad. Oh, there you go, we're on.

Comes up and has a sniff. Ranger gets in there and he's like, no, he's my ass. Yeah, that's my piece of ass.

He does.

It's crazy.

Weirder than Stark and Ranger's bit love relationship they do.

Yeah, it's just some more morotic.

You stuck a short dog the other day, didn't he? He was a Stark.

Yeah, yeah, Stark was coming over and Ranger just flew in and fucking nutted him. I was like, no, absolutely not.

Fucking crazy.

Yeah, he's like really defensive over Blue's ass. Yeah, he must be an incredible sort.

Yeah, he's a pretty boy.

He's a pretty boy, but in like dog world, he's just a crazy sort of guy.

Yeah, Megan Fox in Transformers.

He's like the one of those mbobs, you know what I mean? One of those handsome boys. So you're like, I don't know, but I find it attractive. Love knows no boundaries. You know Hanson?

You're a good boy. Yeah, yeah, I know the song. You got music over there?

Nah, we've got a fresh curtain too, which is actually a picture up of that.

Good idea.

A great addition. It was an okay idea. All right, I've seen better ideas. Yeah, you're right, it's Good idea. It's not a great idea, it's a good idea.

This idea, isn't it?

I think it is. Yeah, it's better than good.

I would say better than good. If it was a TV show, it would be great.

Could be one of those ones, it's not like curtain, you just pull like a bit of material out instead of a tin maybe or something. Say a bit better than a curtain. Dogs get through, get the other dogs. A bit more of a barrier.

No, it's for on-lead stuff anyway. What do you mean? Don't fucking— come on, you ruined it now.

It's good, it's good. Thank you. I was, I was turning it into reverse psychology.

Being fucking pretzels, cinched up mind jiu-jitsu.

Yeah, there you go, just turned around on you.

Yeah, fair enough.

Should we wrap it up? Because it looks like it might be 5 o'clock or beyond.

Yeah, I've seen a lot of people fuck off already, so it must be.

So Mal leaves on time, so yeah, he's like, uh, on time.

Yeah. He's like a canary in the mines. Yeah, yeah, you should get that reference. Maybe you don't need a watch when he's around, very punctual. All right, any questions? I don't know why.

YouTube. Oh nice. Yeah, I got loads of questions for you, just never let me ask them.

Yeah, he was pecking my head a little bit about dog training on the way back. We had some interesting chats on the way here and back.

Oh, he's a loud chat.

No, you know, because you, you know, when you, when you're nearly out of questions of him, you got— you ask one, you see the response, and you gauge it off there, and you go, that was pretty flat, and maybe I'll just get one more in about 10 minutes and then we'll stop. But if it's a bit of a, you know, peppy response, you know, fuck it, I'll try and get 3 more in.

That's really accurate.

What do you reckon about this? All right though, I think I must have worn him down so far.

I get it.

I say I don't know when I know the exact answer. I can't be fucked.

Okay, okay, yeah, just trying to get some more knowledge, you know, and you just—

yeah, I know.

Yeah, is he blocking it?

Yeah, he's fucking cockhole.

I'm not cockholing knowledge. I'm not putting you in the knowledge cockhole chat.

Yeah, a little bit.

There's something I know that you boys don't know, 100%. I've watched you too. I might have some perspectives. I give a new perspective yesterday on the, the, the, the superstition punishment thing.

Yes.

Oh, go on then. Where are you fucking sneaking it?

You explain it.

Uh, the question—

it's come out accidentally, to be honest, mate.

I don't believe in it, so I'd be interested to see what you're gonna say.

If I'm being honest, I was quite jet lagged yesterday, so I actually can't remember his answer. But the question that was asked is how much fallout from you—

you asked him this?

I asked him the question.

Okay.

It's pretty jet lagged yesterday, pretty messed up, so I actually can't remember the answer fully. But the question— why are you asking then? All right, well, I can ask it again now. I'm not jet lagged. The question, the question was—

I don't answer it again.

Go on, just, just for the audience and for Kirkie. Go on, go on. The question— come on. The question was, how much fallout are we gonna get by not conditioning a punishment marker? So just a bit of a frustration-based dog. So a bit of a hypersocial dog, just turn them off and say, no, cut the shit, without really conditioning the punishment marker. How much risk of a bit of fallout is there?

I personally think it's how well you can control the context, because you get fallout or superstition if the dog doesn't make contingency between the two things. So if you can control context enough times with that way it should still work. Yeah, the marker just makes it easier to control what the dog's going.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I don't know, I could be fucking wrong. But for me, superstitious, superstitious things come about when the dog's like— I know we're trying to stop him fucking chasing sheep and he happened to look at a crow as we fucking stung him in an e-collar. That's a superstition. Yeah, when they get funky about a thing, that's the whole point.

Yeah, I think it's largely down to chance, to be fair, because you just don't know what—

so you don't really, which is why the repetition's so fucking important.

Well, here was my take. I think the owner has chastised the dog enough times in different contexts, some of which have worked, some of which has not worked, and has like tried to correct the dog and probably even corrected the dog to some success in the past, even it'd just be a small amount of time.

Right?

And I think the dog a lot of the time is like, oh, I'm about to do something. And this is a little bit woo-woo, but I'm—

I don't mind.

Yeah, it was good.

It was real.

And I think the dog actually understands most of the time, Mum and Dad don't want me to do this particular thing. They just can't bring about anything that is actually able to stop me. And you— I think you can kind of see it in dogs sometimes too. When then you apply the punishment, you know, with the steps and all the rest of it, and the dog goes, 'Oh yeah, no, that's enough.' And it's just like clear as day in that moment with no superstition. It's seldom like an owner's never tried to not stop the dog doing anything.

Yeah, true.

That does sometimes happen, but like a small percentage of the time. So I feel like the dog is pretty clear that like, 'Oh, I know they don't want me to do this thing, but like they've got nothing in their locker to stop me.' And when you bring about the thing that's able to stop them in the locker, they're like, all right, I won't do the particular thing. And, and you see some, a lot of clarity. You do see sometimes when, you know, the dog has had a full, liberous life with nothing, rules and boundaries or fucking feedback implemented to it, that then it's like, and you see in those dogs that they're like, oh my God, the world's about to end. Yeah, because the first time they've been told no But then a lot of dogs, you're like, all right, won't do that, let's do that instead. So I don't think there's as much downfall. Of course, like, we have a duty of care as dog trainers to mitigate any superstitions developing or fallout or, um, that might happen after the fact. But I actually think there's a very low chance of it happening based off what you said.

If you—

as long as you get the repetition right and you have good control of the Test 1, and also from what I said of like, yeah, dog probably knows that's an unwanted behavior from the owner because of— they've given the dog emotional feedback a fucking million times before. Yeah, but the dog's just gone like, yeah, I know you didn't want me to do that, but I'm fucking doing it anyway.

Yeah, I don't know, be like us, be like us with our misses, and the opposite of Adam with his.

Yes.

I know you don't want me to do that, but look, here's another dog.

Here's the 17th dog.

Him?

Two dogs. Two.

Yeah, it's the brace of dogs.

Yeah, yeah, they're rookie numbers, mate. Come on.

I just didn't get away with it. She said I can get one soon though.

Is she?

Yeah.

You're not gonna like it, this one. No, I'm kidding. Definitely not.

Um, rip up the contract.

No, no, I was always, always wanted to, um, good working on but I was leaning towards a Fox Red Lab for a while. Um, good, good breed in Australia. I don't know if you like them. I think I've heard you talk about them a few times, a bit of, um, what's the word you use sometimes, can be a bit, a bit windy. Can be a bit—

we get some windy ones, but I think the windiness is also created. I don't think you'd have a windy one.

No, good breed. Yeah, good breeder over in Australia, what, in Tasmania. Um, so I assume I get one of those. But one of the, one of the mentees actually, uh, Tyler, he, um, from Sydney. He breeds, uh, real nice black labs, so I might get one of those. I was gonna get a Mali, do some sport, but I thought, fuck it.

Yeah, fair enough. Yeah, nice.

Yeah, I get bit, don't need to get my dog to bite things. I'll get bit and then have a lab, do cool shit with it.

Yeah, fair enough. It's kind of boring, but yeah, fair.

What? Lab? Why?

No, you're probably right. You are right.

Yeah, go to the hikes, go to beaches, do some cool stuff, do some obedience with it.

Why not German Shepherd though? They're great.

I do like German Shepherds, but in Australia, not many good breeders. And then bringing a dog over to Australia is a fucking nightmare. Although over east they're producing some good dogs, but once again, maybe a bit too— bit, bit too much for what I'm looking for.

I think the German Shepherds— I don't know, I don't even have one. I think they're the king of all dogs.

I love them. I got one.

I don't think many can say otherwise.

I got one, love them. Wouldn't get the same one, but Showline.

Yeah, he's a windy fucking Showliner, isn't he?

Probably.

Yeah, he's a windy pissbag.

No, no, he's a lovely boy. He's just— it was, was shit. Yeah, but it's good now.

German Shepherd, there's not big sable.

Yeah, it's just—

what's that big fella that you had for when, uh, on a boarding train?

Harley. Yeah, nice. Yeah. Oh, you don't like them? You do like them?

No, I think that— yeah, again, this is me actually trying to be as Like, non-biased, I wouldn't particularly have one. I'm not biased. I'm biased to think they're the king of all dogs. Yeah, yeah, I think they are the true king of the jungle, and I don't think you'd ever fucking—

What do you reckon, Owen?

We've got the same king of the jungle a few times, haven't we? No, no, he's gonna say 65 kilo Rottweiler. 70, wasn't it?

It could be on a—

on a— how many podcasts has been in now?

5'6".

What, 75? 65 kilos? It goes up every time, the number.

72.5 kilo Rottweiler. Yeah, go on. King of—

like a non-biased best dog objective, like the king of all dogs, just all-around best boys.

Yeah, Frenchies.

What the fuck?

How?

He knows Bumble, mate. He's Matt Bumble. Anyone who meets Bumble is—

it would be on the bottom of my list, but that's, but that's only because they're not, not after making, you know, submit some good Frenchies here. The Frenchies in Perth, apparently French is different.

Fuck. And cockapoo is different over there too.

That's like saying I don't like tiramisu because I once had it from fucking somewhere shit.

Yeah, previous experiences. I like some Frenchies here, good Frenchies, but once in Perth, shitbags.

Go on, give us your all-time number one dog from a— try and be as non-biased as you possibly can.

Probably go Labrador. Yeah, or like you said, a well-bred working shepherd. Yeah, well-bred working shepherd or Labrador, black lab, working, working line.

You like the word working, don't you?

Say that a lot.

Yeah, no, fair enough.

Yeah, don't want to show—

you've grafted a lot today, to be fair. How many ads did you film?

Yeah, well, young fella didn't put the phone on charge, so we only got through halfway. But yeah, 4 free YouTube videos, did the podcast.

Yeah, 5 films, 5 YouTube videos filmed, about 15 ads.

Yeah, a lot of ads, got like 10 more ads to go.

And you ran a boot camp, to be fair.

Yeah, yeah, a little bit of it.

Yeah, yeah, fair dinkum. That's the kind of fucking grit you need around here.

Yeah, dinky.

I did 40 ads and 9 YouTube videos.

Yeah, he was saying that's a lot. He was even getting stuck on his words and he wasn't even bloody filming.

I know, he does a bit. He's got a lisp too, you know.

Really? Yeah, yeah. I stutter a bit though.

Yeah, all right.

Do you?

Sometimes you get nervous.

No, just talk too fast.

Yeah, unequivocal king of— or queen of dogs.

We've obviously discussed it many a time that when you get a chef on a resi, you always end up with best mates with them. But I don't want to say the same as you, but I easily could.

Fair enough.

I'd say a decent stuffy.

Yeah, that's true.

Their stuffy's different out there as well.

I was gonna say, yeah, like, as fuck horrible up north. WA country dogs come down to Perth bad because they're street dogs living in certain communities in, um, WA. They come down all fucked up and then they're just neurotic as, right?

Yeah, yeah, I've heard that a lot. Yeah, got a lot of Australian mentees and they're talking about these particular breeds of dogs and I'm like, I don't even sound the same. It's really weird how they are different over there.

Whereas like you say, when you boot camp or the, or the seminar, you more than likely you'll get a few real spicy shitbag staffies.

Yeah, there's a couple of them in that, um, the Eastside thing. They were pretty good, weren't they?

Yeah, uh, yeah, yeah.

What was his name?

That big one?

There was one that you had a little pedal with and then he was sound after that.

Oh, what was his name? Didn't he join?

Yeah, Ralph. It eludes me. I like Reggie or something, but I can't really remember. Brain damage.

Yeah, you could say stuffy. Uh, Kev's a good oldie dog, to be fair. Gotta give it to him.

Chloe's Kev. Yeah, he's a lovely boy.

You can recommend him to most people though.

No. Yeah, nah, that's true. But most people shouldn't have a German Shepherd, mate.

Yeah, that's true.

Maybe most people shouldn't have a Staffy either. Most people should have a fucking dog, really.

Yeah, yeah, that's true.

I'm not sorry to gatekeep, but like, there's some lazy people.

Yeah, you're right, it's true.

Okay, especially not Shepherds or Collie or something. Yeah. I bet some people would say collie to that question given on their previous— yeah, but I just—

what collies?

Yeah, what about these?

Look, what about cattle dogs? I haven't had enough experience. I would like to—

they're very, very much, uh, um, from my experience, very much a one-person dog. Not, not very— no, nothing's good. It's good for you, um, but for you, yeah, good, good for the people that own them. But, um, yeah, not overly like need to be No social drive, just want to be with their owners. But good, yeah, good dogs. Few spicy ones, but same thing as the Kelpies, the Collies, people just fucking put them in their backyard and do fuck all with them. Wonder why they're being dickheads.

Yeah, these cow dogs, good.

Rip, Rip, good name too.

Oh, Rippy.

I think they look amazing. Yeah, yeah, I think they look like just like a badger. Yeah, it looks so cool. But you shouldn't probably get a dog off looks, huh? I would though, I'd get one of those purely for his looks.

Watch this. Come on then, Hazel.

You want to come all the way up? Anky, anky, anky.

Come on then. Oh, I did pretty well there.

Nice.

Like a chin-up. Yeah, look.

Oh, you just used me as assistance. Okay, fair enough. All right then, should we wrap it up then?

We mentioned something. With a bit of avid editing, that'll sound like a dog training podcast.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, fair enough.

He's off, look. All right then, well, uh, what do we say at the end of the podcast, Adam? It's only a true Caffeine and Canine avid listener would get to this point.

Something about Ian, really, isn't it?

Yeah, it's all about me.

Buy in, buy in, buy in.