EP 90: Why Dog Trainers Are Actually Weirdos

All right, Adam, your week is coming to an end at the YCA round 3.

So somber. Didn't you finish the podcast somber last time? But yeah, don't start somber. At least, Christ, we're going to—

maybe I've got the saddies. Maybe I've got a case of the upsetti-wetties.

Okay.

All right, well, fucking hell, what do you want?

He's had a fucking great week.

Yeah, it's been a good week.

Yeah, basically led the boot camp for us.

Good week, lots of, lots of content, lots of YouTube videos, a shitload of, shitload of ads.

Yeah, yeah, another ad. This is your wife. Yeah, he's grafting away at home.

Yeah, give me a lot of shit as well for annoying her, asking dumb questions as usual. No, me asking dumb questions, like what? Just generally dumb questions and stuff that she already told me. Me not reading messages and stuff like that.

No.

If I scratch my ass and my finger goes through my boxers, do I have to wash my hands? Them type of questions.

Yeah.

Yes, Adam, probably.

Yeah, yeah, sometimes. And all right, but yeah, good week. Lots of dogs finishing, pretty much finishing up now.

Boot camp, boot camp is live as we speak. We'd get a little shot, but young man's just fucking completely fucked off 30 seconds into his duties. Just I thought you had some presents for us.

I just forgot. Yeah, he's gonna go get presents.

There's one here. Our sponsors, there's one here.

First one's the K9 Carpenter. If you want your canine carpentry needs such as bite boxes, position boxes, other wooden carpentry stuff for dogs specifically, check him out. We'll check a link in the description. Or if you want to get yourself a Lamborghini G-Wagon, something along those lines. Maybe a big Defender. Check out our friend Chris at 2211.

Bloody hell.

He'll get you a Lambo on Audi prices.

It's obviously no Forex, but it's isotonic. It literally says, "Your ritual after sport." This is actually alcohol-free? Yeah.

Oh.

Weissbier.

Yeah.

We'd get some from the UK, but any— Alcohol-free beer in the UK is shit.

Your ritual after sport, that's crazy.

Yeah, it tastes like beer.

Yeah, we'll take a sip. Even a satisfying sound, wasn't it?

Oh, it's nice. Yeah, it does.

Yeah, like a sweet bit of a sweet beer.

Yeah, it's nice. Well, I mean, it's a post-sport isotonic beverage, mate, so obviously you've grafted your tits off this week, you need Is that refreshing? It's refreshing hydration. There it is right there.

Sean, go through your highlights of the week before we get into topic of the day.

We should have fucking clipped a few highlights. Can we clip a few highlights?

What, Ping Ping Ping?

You're like on a fucking footy show where he's like, someone takes his highlight reel of someone's game.

Highlight. Oh, let's go. I'd say probably like one would be Custard, sausage dog. Oh yeah, yeah, very, very cute dog, um, but just yapping. Yapper.

He didn't—

he doesn't even know what he's— not anymore, but he didn't know what he was barking at. Just wouldn't shut up. Came in, yep, yep, yep. Yeah, but just been in the pub, round dogs. There was a few sausage dogs at Goldenacre that we went today. Yeah, sorry, Roundhay today. Yeah, went there today, a bunch of sausage dogs going off at him, not a peep.

Nice. Oh, nice.

So yeah, just cute, very good results. And the owners were saying to me, I don't know if it's going to work. That was—

this was day 2, like, we just don't see how this is going to have faith.

Yeah, have faith, see how you go. He's a handsome dog.

Yeah, he is, isn't he? He's handsome, big boy.

Um, both the Paterdales are really good as well.

They're noisy, noisy.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, one of them, maybe both of them, just As soon as you see them on the team sheet of the opposition, he's gonna have a bit of Billy Slater about him, a bit of a yapper. Yapper, yapper, yapper.

And then yeah, we probably have to go for the most spicy one that, um, came this week. Loki, German Shepherd. First 2 days really, really good. Had a little bit of a hiccup day 3, so I was a bit worried, but yeah, awesome results today.

Good.

Yeah, yeah, sweet. I was walking him Poppy Ping somewhere. Yeah, me, somewhere in the East, somewhere up here.

Yeah, nice.

Um, I was walking in next to me, um, he's sweet, took food off me in the pub. Yeah, just good transformation, still a little bit of work to do, um, nothing crazy, just make sure he's continuing on what we've, uh, instilled. Yeah, be good. Very good transformation. I think we'll speak to Ray soon, but Ray's very happy as well.

Nice.

Is Ray coming on, is he, or All right, we could just say Le Mans. Yeah, you can.

Yeah, I really love that.

Lucas said no, but fuck him.

Did you?

Did you say no? We can't get a fourth on. And I said, yeah, yeah, you can sit in my lap.

I'll sit on his lap, whatever. He can sit on— Kirkie's got a pretty big lap.

Maybe you can sit in his pretty big lap.

Yeah.

What about you?

Any other highlights?

Any good ones for you?

Anything? Um, No, a couple of interesting ones. Obviously Dobby has got history of redirecting, hasn't done it this week. Obviously took precautions so she couldn't. Um, they've got a little bit in them, haven't they, Dobies, and redirection?

Yeah, I've not seen a peep out of it really. I think he had one or two, um, tellings off on the first— on the second day. Yeah, that is it.

Yeah, but, um, she's really on it. So I'll fix it a couple of times. And good at the flip side where I saw a couple of dogs in the pub, had a little yapper. Look, you'll make custard. Yeah, she's really good at saying, yeah, nice one, you did well, because she didn't— you didn't eat it. So yeah, good. Not usually a big fan of dogmans, but that dog's gone pretty good.

I've enjoyed our commutes on the way to and from work.

Yeah, they've been all right, they've been good.

A bit of a chat. Sorry, I enjoyed the time.

Pulled away from dogs.

Brilliant.

Joking. Not joking, they were funny.

Yeah, yeah, pretty good.

Yeah, dog training questions and all sorts. He was—

yeah, I know, I got a few, few answers, a few. Yeah, it's like today, today someone goes asking about decoy work and he's like, ah, I don't know, I don't know about it, he does that. And one of those questions where he knew exactly what the answer was, I can't be fucked answering.

Oh my God, I don't know, I wouldn't, I wouldn't know.

Oh yeah, but you'd have to ask.

Yeah, sausage. I like sausage dogs these days.

Yeah, you can get one.

No, I mean this man. Oh yeah, yeah, I think you're either usually in Frenchie camp or Dachshund camp, and then you can't have both.

Yeah, talking about Frenchie camp, look at that one, a bit of a mix. Yeah, what is the mix?

Frenchy, which is a cool as hell.

It's a cool looking, right?

I'm gonna say I'm gonna say what everyone's thinking. Who fucked who? Oh yeah, yeah, come on, that's immediately what goes into your head, isn't it?

Yeah, because I don't know, you would—

oh God, you saw on Instagram, French is not getting up there, is it?

Yeah, I've seen a few French Malinois, French Dachshunds.

I think that's the best French I've seen to date. Nora.

Yeah, that's cute.

Yeah, like hearing about that, mate. Oh yeah, probably get pretty offended about it.

She wouldn't shimmy though.

I wouldn't cheat you. Well, you might do.

You finished that already? No, it looked flimsy.

That's because I had all of it. I see most things look flimsy when I touch them.

Yeah. Oh, great news by the way, like probably the most important thing, turns out I'm 6 foot 0.5 inches. Exactly, it's been verified.

I don't know about the 0.5 though.

Most people can now not call you little guy.

Most people.

Not everyone.

A few blokes around here still can, yeah.

Yeah.

Little fella.

The little guy, the little ginger bloke. Oh, come on.

Show me blonde.

Come on.

Show me blonde. Uh, leprechaun.

The leprechaun.

That's outrageous. I got called Dinky on the podcast. Oh no. Someone said I wasn't Diddy.

Yeah, Diddy or Dinky?

I don't know, which is pretty—

yeah, you can take that different ways.

Yeah, I'm the tallest person I think on the planet with a height complex.

Yeah, that's probably true.

There's no other person that's 6 foot 5 that has a genuine issue with his height.

Where does it stem from, Joachim?

Get abused online. Yeah, people think I'm literally like— I bite, I heavily bite.

Have you opted me out yet?

Yes, he won't even come on the podcast.

I don't know, does he listen to the podcast?

Oh yeah, he'd be listening right now.

I've been listening, right? Yeah, maybe listen to this live.

Yeah, I reckon call him out.

I mean, you've done— mate, he's tried.

No, no, full-length video, measuring tape.

Yeah, fine, get over here, Josh. Full-length video. Yeah, he, he did send me like a screen grab of just, just The measuring tape. 6 foot 2. It's like anyone could take a picture of a measuring tape.

Oh yeah, you could take a picture of the depth thing in a swimming pool and be like, there it is, look.

Yeah, give me a measuring tape, I'll take— that's like texting, like send it, like messaging a bird on Instagram. Getting a measuring tape, putting it to 8 and a half inches and going, you're welcome.

Men aren't very honest about their inches anyway, so yeah.

Yeah, what was it?

No point selling up a river, is it?

No, no, listen, this is where we're at. Yeah, this is the numbers. But like, like I said, he's a goer.

He's a goer.

Fast ass.

Yeah, and he grows.

He does a bit.

A bit. A bit.

He stands tall-ish and regular.

Yeah.

And regular. Yeah, yeah, he's consistent. Yeah, he comes up when he needs to.

He really steps up.

Yeah, he's there.

Sometimes when he's not needed, he'll still step up.

He's not gonna blow you out the park, but my God, he'll be there when you need him.

You could blow him out the park if you wanted to, if you really wanted to.

You okay?

Yeah, yeah.

What are you talking about, Bix?

Blowing someone out the park?

Yeah, I think so.

What was your best, um, what was your best work, uh, travel story? What'd you enjoy the most?

As a few I can't repeat, mate.

Can we tell the one with where he's basically a hero?

Oh yeah, yeah, go on then.

Yeah, we can get—

people love stories.

There's evidence with this one as well.

Um, eat tiramisu before as we hear the story.

Yeah, probably. Sure, go on.

All right, so one of our students, Kate, uh, Kate's grandma Diane I believe it's kind of— Diane, avid listener to the pod. How old is Diane? 78. I should listen to— of our podcast, actually.

She keeps listening to the podcast.

Nice one, Diane.

Um, all the way from the motherland, Wales.

I'm looking forward to this.

I mean, you fucking built it up a fair bit, Kate.

Yeah, I'm not gonna—

someplace free taste.

Good.

Yeah, yeah, not bad.

Smells good. Good aroma.

Yep, there you are, boys.

Yeah, thank you.

Thank you, mate. Oh, it looks good.

Oh, you're straight in. That was good.

Oh, I thought we were waiting.

Yeah, sorry.

All right, he's Australian.

You nicked it anyway, so same, same.

Is it?

All right, I just got that.

It's good though, right? Start your story then, and at the end of the story, we're gonna rate the tiramisu. Any good?

Yeah, that's nice.

Yeah, it's good.

Um, 2020, I was a full-time boxing coach at the time. Came back from helping one of the boys cut weight, um, for his fight, and I've walked out the front of the gym and, um, blokes came to the window and smashed his hand in the window. A bit of a moot, like a scary movie, and there's all blood on the window. It starts trickling down, so Run out the front of the gym and he's going, you know, a bit of a bogan bloke, and he's going, ah, I've been stabbed, I've been stabbed! And he's taking his shirt off and he's got about 2 stab wounds, 2 stab wounds in his back, one in his chest, his arm. Um, so we've sat down on the benches outside the gym that I was working at, and luckily one of the boys that was there, um, had an IFAC. He was one of the army boys there, so went and got them all sorted out. But as we were patching him up, the The stabby came up the road. She was very—

The culprit?

Yeah, yeah, the stabby, the culprit, came running up the road. She was, um, very intoxicated and a bit of a, bit of a cracky. Not a fit one even, not ones that you like. No, not non-sexy ones.

Yeah, in York.

Yeah, so she's—

York, let's go back to York.

So she's, um, came up screaming, shouting. Didn't know she had a knife on her still, but she's, um, trying to get her back. She pulls out a big old kitchen knife about this big, but she stabbed him with his bottle over it. She's going to charge him. So what do I do?

She charges at him?

Yeah, yeah, ran towards him with a knife.

How was she holding it?

Like more of like a bit fucking cockeyed, bit like weird. Yeah, she's not pulled it out off her head and was kind of holding it like this, but luckily I was to the side, so I kind of— I'm— Kirkie's hurt, she's going that way.

She's not a seasoned shanker then.

I think it might be her first time. Yeah, but yeah, gone to stab him, I dropped her.

May have dropped her.

Yeah, we need like clarification of exactly what the fuck that means.

Well, she's gone past the side, so as she's gone like this, the knife, I've grabbed her wrist, but I thought fuck it, so I tripped her over as she's gone forward, and she may have accidentally fell a bit fast and firm with her head into the floor. Um, well, she was trying to murder someone. Yeah, my point may sound a bit, um, abusive, but there's a reason for it. Stab— she had stabbed somebody 3 to 4 times and was attempting to take his life.

So you don't think that's fair enough?

Yeah, I think at that point it's whatever it takes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So tripped her over, she hit the floor pretty hard, but she was still trying to get back up. Took the knife off her, she kind of came to, did a runner, but we had the knife, so it was all right. And then dog squad came, TRG, so like the Australian top cop, uh, Australian SWAT came. Yeah, went and got her. But then it went on the news, so I'll try to find that link in the video, Megan interviews. Yeah, somewhere, ping it around somewhere here.

Yeah, be a good one.

Yeah, full news article you can actually watch. Highgate stabbing, boxing instructor. Should come up, Channel 7, I think. There you go.

I was impressed with that tiramisu.

Yeah, it was great. I feel a bit—

you can really tell it's been made with genuine dairy.

Yeah, Welsh dairy.

Welsh genuine dairy. Genuine Welsh dairy. Any more stories have we covered?

Oh, some good ones.

Yeah, yeah, probably not appropriate though.

No, no, we'll give it a go. It can always get cut out. I mean, I know there's— they're just gonna definitely be cut out. The one with the nugget of poo, that was pretty bad.

Oh yeah, yeah, we're just going straight into it. So my brother was like Yeah, we'll describe it in a way where it can stay in. Yeah, my brother was having an adult event, a consensual, consensual adult event with a young lady.

You can say of age.

Of age.

Does the rifle find itself? You've almost gone too far.

Like, no, no, I'm gonna need it.

It wasn't, it wasn't in the traditional area. It might have been in the going through the back door.

Okay.

During this time, he pulled— it removed himself.

He extracted.

Yeah, he extracted, to which a nugget of poo went and came out and went on, went onto the floor. My brother is a bit of a dirty bastard, so he's gone, oh, you need to pick that up. So his mom told her to go to the toilet to pick the nugget up off the floor. She's gone, flushed it down the toilet, and he goes, right, get back there. And he carried on because he can't say anything.

I think that's okay.

That's pretty good.

There she is, dropped her nugget on the floor.

There's no racism, there's no misogynistic nature.

No, it was all consensual. No, that's what I mean.

But the story's finished, so he's okay. Yeah, it was consensual.

Yeah, it was good, wasn't it?

Yeah, I think that's it, boys. I don't know, I think he's gonna make it.

Well, you let us know in the comments, would you have picked it up?

Well, personally, yeah.

I told you about the 75-year-old lady that pulled me up the other day and said, I love your podcast, right?

No, no, no.

Well, tell us.

Or tell me.

Diane as well, 85. 78.

Yeah, you went up by 10 years.

Yeah, yeah, just adding years on.

78 years old.

How old is Joan? Hope Joan still listens.

Yeah, she does. She's coming up soon too.

Amazing.

She's in the 70s.

I've got an 80-year-old— she'd probably get mad at me for that, maybe. Yeah, an 80-year-old client. Human, human spicy, dog spicy, little Frenchie, 2 weeks out of hip surgery, on crutches, coming to my sessions.

It's a dog.

Yeah, nice.

Yeah, solid.

She listened to the podcast.

Maybe Hazel. I might have got your age wrong, but sorry, good work.

I'm 54.

Yeah, I'd watch his Paul Joe in the street and said, like, podcast.

I sat at the front desk on a Saturday and some lady walks past and she's like walking past the window like scowling at me. I'm like, all right, that was weird. And then she walks past again like scowling at me like this, and I'm like just working away. And then she goes one more time, like literally like frowning at me, and I'm like, what the fuck is their problem? I'm about to forgive her flogging in a minute.' You do look a bit weird! She walks past me one more time and then backtracks on herself— And she knocks the window glass?

I like to think that's moonwalk backwards...

Yeah yeah yeah yes kind of did it there.

Brilliant.

Whoa! So you're alright?! 'Yeah just let you know I am 75 years old' I love your podcast. Very funny, you and the, the big fella. Just thought I'd let you know. Could have been a dream or a mirage or something.

Who was it?

I mean, I don't know.

She came here though. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

So like a one-to-one or like a boot camper doing group class?

So a client that's finished up.

How can you dream?

Could have.

Nah, I'll spot her tomorrow and put her out with you.

You're on your own in the office.

Yeah, so I might have made it up.

Yeah, yeah.

So you think I made it up?

Maybe.

Oh, I had some weird dreams last night.

It's good, it's a bit like— it's really nice but hard to finish off.

Say that to Diane.

Yeah, look her in the eye, look her in the fucking camera and say it's fantastic. My belly is just not big enough to fit it.

—little fella. Are we giving it a rating out of 10 then? I'm giving that a good one.

I'd say it's only my second tiramisu that I've ever had, so I'd say like an 8.5.

I'm gonna go 9 with that one.

I'll go 9 as well. Yeah, easy 9. Really good. I think, yeah, we'd be close to our— is that main at 8 points?

The, the other one was the, the cheesy one, it was like a different niche, you know, the real heavy mascarpone one. I mean, yeah. Is there such a thing as a savory tiramisu?

It was borderline savory. Yeah, I think it's still kind of sweet. I don't know though. That's a good point.

That's a good point. You mind if I get stuck in this?

Honestly, there's a whole half a thing there.

Yeah, I know, but why, why, why break into it when you can just— Yeah, see off another man's tiramisu. Probably all sorts of connotations of that.

Yeah, you're picking it.

That's a good idea. Yeah, yeah, they're awesome.

I reckon it's possibly the best, um, your favorite beverage.

Why though? I get it, it's nice, but like, why? I just—

it's got like, you know, a bit like the better moments, the UPS guy. Yeah, I just got loads of memories of drinking that whilst outside the sun with my dogs just pottering.

I'm gonna give Kelly the Alcoholic Dog Walker a shout out and say maybe you should try these as a—

hey, consider these.

Yeah, like your own method.

You know what, since you sent me this shirt, I'll maybe send a few of those down.

You probably get some feel-good vibes as well from beers after rugby back in the day. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, the Sunday post-game.

I was never a big drinker though. No? No. Even back then?

I've heard about 2008 a lot.

So what was the big— two big events in 2008? Two big events?

I don't know, one or two. Another grand final, obviously. Yeah, that was really big. And then one of my best, like, one of the best characters in rugby league, whether he stayed over here in the offseason and we just went out too much. I got a really vivid memory of him. He had spinal surgery and we got like a black cab home. He fucking fell backwards out of the black cab and you know, just think he's fine. Yeah, gone. He was fine. Yeah, I think he wasn't pissed, he probably wouldn't have been fine. Yeah, rigid. Yeah, he was a good bloke, right?

Good rugby player. Yeah, very, very—

that's what I moved to Australia, 2008. Was it? Yeah, there you go.

That was it.

Yeah, I was thinking why that was important.

Oh yeah, comfortably up there, one of the best players I've ever played with. Probably. Well, I mean, he was one of the best in the world, wasn't he? So yeah, obviously he's gonna be cool.

Gobshite.

It's a fucking decent bloke as well. Yeah. Yeah.

Half Japanese, probably tiny cock. True. Yeah.

Yeah. It's not a bad thing to say because it's statistically true.

Yeah. How can it be?

We better double check. No, it is. If we're talking about compared to Western countries, it's pretty small.

Um, let's go.

Call it personally, mate. No, no.

Medium. I've heard penis size by country.

You're a medium or medium? The medium's like the middle value, right?

The mean? Highest? Average? Sudan?

Yeah, like Congo or something. Congo.

Hey, Australia's not good.

I'm English anyway.

Averages. Oh no, let's have a look. I'll show higher averages. Okay.

Yes. South America's hard though.

Some regions often average around— wait a minute.

Median penis length by country's smallest. Are you trying to give us all depression?

I know, we'll be all right.

We'll be okay. So here it says Sudan, Dominican, uh, the Congo, um, Wales, obviously. Obviously. Cambodia's the lowest. Really? Yeah, Cambodia. Yeah, right, what's above that? Uh, 10 centimeters or 3.95 inches. Is that a raptor? No, no, I hope it is. I fucking hope it is. God, I didn't have to find out.

Swear to God. False theory. Is that a classic?

Meating penis high, my country's smallest erect.

Yeah, that's where the real— is the real deal.

Clarity, right?

I'm asking ChatGPT. Does it take into account rugby dick?

No, I don't know. What about if it's cold and they've just played a full 80?

Yeah.

Um, probably, probably gonna get all fucking PC on me, isn't it?

It's such a wet ass. Smallest penis size by country.

Did you say erect or flaccid?

Well, I'm gonna ask it to clarify.

Is he working on it?

Yeah, searching for average penis size by country. The data is very inconsistent. All right, different countries are much smaller than— oh, the differences between countries are much smaller than people think and there's a huge overlap, right?

Probably a really tiny overlap, right?

Yeah, it's in Thailand and Cambodia. Thailand? Yeah, yeah.

I thought like Japan and bloody like China would be up there, right? I don't know why.

Global average Why are you looking down and orienting to people's cocks, mate?

I'm just gonna ask.

Is that soft or erect? Oh, brilliant.

Those figures refer to erect. Stretched fully erect. Oh, good. Stretched fully erect. Stretched.

Full skin, whatever. Full skin or something.

Storing the fucking meat. They don't usually use soft measurements because flaccid size varies massively with temperature and stress.

There we go, thank you.

Grower, not a shower, yeah. Y ones.

And it's just far less consistent for comparison. Yeah, good news day, boys. Yeah, global average 5.1 to 5.3 inches.

There you go. That doesn't sound awful.

Doesn't make you feel too shit, does it? No, it doesn't.

I'm moving to Thailand. Yeah, we'll be the king of Thailand, boys. What do you think of this?

Hey, there's some fit blokes in Thailand.

Yeah, they'd be known as old Giant Cock. Yeah. Can you manage to walk over with your giant penis?

I'm still trying not to trip on it.

Oh God, actual alcohol in it. Oh yeah, yeah, it's like 0.01, isn't it?

Oh yeah, but the tiramisu—

oh yeah, more dangerous.

Yeah, that's true.

What alcohol is in the tiramisu?

You asking your nan?

Ask ChatGPT.

Coffee, liquor.

How much is in Diane's— Kahlúa. That's the thing. Yeah, bit of booze. That is the thing.

Bit of booze, be drink driving on the way home.

Something in the cream too, like amaretto or something.

Jesus Christ.

Could be— Oh, you feel all right? Yeah, it's really exciting.

All right, should we hop on to the topic of today's podcast?

There you go. I can't remember what it is.

Okay, we have to come up with our theories.

That's an easy one.

It's, uh, why are dog trainers all absolute fucking weirdos? It's a submitted question. That's the wording they used verbatim. So have a moment to think about it if you need, chaps. I've got my theories. You sure couldn't go in first? Yeah, go on.

Well, I think in Perth that dog trainers are generally trying to get into the industry to avoid people and just be with dogs. They think, I'm gonna get into an industry where I can just work with dogs every day, not be around people, because they're just not very good around people, usually a bit strange, a bit weird. But then they get into it and realize that they're only dealing with people.

Unless you're Border Collie Trainers, then you can just be fucking autistic as fuck.

Just trying your fucking dog and hand them over.

But yeah, there you are, there you go. Any theories?

I'd be probably on the same page as, um, young Adam. Yeah, I think a lot of people are like— I don't know if they relate to dogs better, but they— yeah, I think I do. Yeah. I have to work on it. Um, but yeah, I think you're right. I think they like it. On face— on the face of it, it feels like you're going to be working with dogs more, but actually you end up working with people more anyway, unless you just bought and trained. Um, we don't really do those anymore because they're not as effective as what we do do.

So I do do do do do do do do do on the floor.

Mm. Well, Nuggets, um, how many times do you reckon that we— I think I touched a dog once this week. That was today, Loki.

Grab the leash once, but apart from that, yeah, to my mentees the other day, we had a call about it and I was like, if you come watch boot camp, it's very rare you'll see a YCA member, a staff, handle a dog.

And they have to have a fucking good rationale if they do, because not because they don't want to or can't handle the dog.

Yeah, it's not helpful at all if you fix all the problems for the client.

So I remember back in the early days of the desolate forest of North Yorkshire. Yeah, where we were before. And I did it in a session and you fucking rinsed me afterwards.

Did I? Yeah, spraying whiteboard out, threw the pen on the floor and that. Yeah, yeah.

But it rung true with me and now I, and I, I pay that message forward. Yeah, verbatim. Yeah, so the rest of them, if they do it Don't touch the fucking lead.

Yep. Gotta do it with your words. Yeah. Don't deprive your client of fixing problems.

That's, that's the biggest one. Don't deprive them of that experience together. 100%.

Um, yep.

All right, let's go. Why dog trainers weirdos? Why do people think they're weirdos? Do they?

I think there's also an element, and then don't— and are we weirdos? Nah, just— no, but we're not dog trainers, bro. Yeah, we're just a couple of dudes who also happen to be involved in the dog industry. I would hope that—

I want that to be true really bad. A bunch of blokes who just like dogs.

Yeah, yeah, I hope so.

There's also an element, though, isn't there, of like— but like in certain factions with fucking pink hair, blue hair, blue or pink, and combo. Yeah, there's, there's a mental block with some of these fuckers whereby they put their problems and they use the dog as a conduit to, I don't know, vent them. Oh, I wouldn't like— the dog should be consenting to go to the vet, should be consenting to consent to fucking put on a leash.

Yeah, yeah, fuck off. One thing I was gonna say, there's a lot of— I've— what I've experienced in back home is a lot of people with, um, actual mental health issues. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, it's a certain type of mental health issue though as well. Wet assery.

Yeah, yeah, sadies.

Yeah, yeah, fair enough. There's plenty of like mental health issues knocking about, but it doesn't like— there'll be some out there like you're fucking horrible, like abusive trainer. I was gonna say compulsion, that's bullshit. Like abusive trainers, there'll be some out there venting their own fucking mental fucking through the door. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, all right, I'm fucking peppering some pink-haired folk, but also there's a fucking other side of that where there's dickheads hitting dogs. Yeah, pipes and shit, whatever the fuck that was in them, in the nether back then. But yeah, well, I mean, when we're, when we're trying to coach the people through this, we're basically like, even when we're teaching them to use like a calculated aversive. We fucking hammer them to not let their frustration get in the way. Yeah, this might be the 6,000th time your dog's kicked off at a dog, but you gotta treat it like the first, and you gotta stay calm, and you're just gonna deal with it rather than fucking hire fire and brimstone and smashing that fucking dog to pieces and getting frustrated. I understand it is frustrating, but Being able to explain to them that actually the dog doesn't see it like, oh, I've done this thing 6,000 times and therefore it's getting on your tits. Yeah, the dog just sees it as, oh, I'm doing the thing that I need to do, or I've always done, or whatever it is. This dude was done really well.

Oh sure. Yeah, yeah. What breed is he?

Spaniel? Yeah, yeah.

But he came in blazing on Monday, did he?

Really talkative. He's been really Chill, really good. Absolutely sick in the pub. Nice. Yeah, phenomenal. So we do agree dog trainers are weirdos. Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah. Because if someone visited us at some point in the last month, so like, as many people do, one particular person, I asked Kirkie, oh, how was so-and-so? And he's like, well, dog trainer, aren't they? Like, because it's a common personality.

Oh yeah, I got you. Yeah, yeah, of course. I was like, aren't we dog trainers?

And he's like, nah, we're dogs that so happen to train dogs. Yeah, I want to— I intend to keep it that way. That's why I don't hang around with dog trainers other than the Butner. He's not very dog trainer-like. No, he's not a bloke, but he sometimes talks too much about dogs and it icks me out a bit.

He's like, excuse me, 2 to 3 times as you walk.

Yeah, straight up, just fucking see ya.

How many questions?

He's asking a few too many. Yeah, I was gonna say, how many questions do you reckon you get A month of him these days, my quote wouldn't hit one a month.

Yeah, I've had like fucking, I reckon, 4 this, this week. Yeah, I'm fucked forever. That's me done. That's like a year's worth.

Yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong, like when we first started out, I had some like, I'd done a fucking shitty, um, it wasn't— that's unfair, it wasn't shitty, but a nuanced behavioral qualifications. So I knew some like fluffy stuff. So then when we first started out, he was the only one that could really train dogs. I had to get up to speed. Fuck me, did I ask him some questions. Like, as soon as it was like a break in the day, I would basically fucking be gnawing on his ear. You know, like when, um, dogs in that cob you and they're just like this, like, start when he's doing his fucking ball. Yeah, you must have felt a bit like that at times. So I kind of get why he like doesn't let me ever speak to him anymore.

You don't need to ask me anything. But, um, I commanded you the other day, Adam, to be fair, because you were very similar to Kirkie when you started, and you asked a lot of questions. You remember when you first come into the mentorship and you fucking hammered me a fair bit, didn't you? But all good questions. And you also, like, the, the good thing about you both, well, both of you, is you get the answer and you immediately implement it to test it. Which is great. Whereas like, you'll all— you'll have already experienced this, you'll have experienced it in your, your mentorship group. You— they ask questions and they ask another version of the same question over and over again, but hoping you're gonna get a different answer. Whereas like, there's one type of person which both of you fit into that category. It's like, that's funny, thanks for that answer, that makes sense, I'm gonna go do the thing. Yeah, yeah. Instead of like, yeah, but I bet you'll have experienced that, right?

Oh, aye, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's like probably the same in a lot of walks of life, right? But yeah, yeah, this is what we're doing day to day, so see a lot. Yeah, that's why you've become so aggressively successful in the last 6 months, mate.

And also aggressive. Yeah, tell them the one about the, uh, I don't know what it is, about the what, about the bogan, the crackhead that tried to steal the ute.

Oh, fuck. That's not that much.

We'll cut it out. It's a good story. Yeah, it's also bad.

So this was, this was on the same gym, different gym. This one I was still fighting. We was, um, we're trying the gym, used to train at like a converted shed, our coach's home. And this crackhead came down in the big stolen truck and he's reversed into one of the boys' like really nice utes. So we're, we're at the time sparring. Bangs, drives into the ute, speeds off. So we chuck our gloves off, start running down the road chasing him. As he gets to the bottom of the road, he stalls it. Oh nice. Yeah, yeah. So I've run over.

Imagine his heart sinking.

Oh God, he tried to get out.

No, no, because he was— the, the lorry was— the lorry window was open and he saw the little step beneath it. So I just ran up, jumped on the top, and then go grab my, uh, my hand in and put the keys out. Yeah, oh nice.

Yeah, but then I love that. Yeah, yeah, but key grab anytime.

There was a lot of us and some of the boys that I used to train with were a bit, bit rough. Um, yeah, so we took him out, kept hold of him while we called the police, and, um, just made sure that he didn't go anywhere. Yeah, yeah, nice.

Yeah, it's good. Anything else? Um, God, you're basically Perth's answer to Batman, aren't you? No, if you think about it, just think about it. Yeah, yeah. I've never seen you two in the same spot at the same time. Oh, I've also never seen Batman with a mustache.

Yeah, Batman probably wishes he had that mustache.

Yeah, he probably can't grow one, otherwise he would.

Yeah, that's true. Gets you into the mask, probably.

Talking of facial hair, I saw a picture of you, the big beard today. Didn't know your beard was that long.

Yeah, you stole it from YCA from years ago.

Yeah, I was trying to get pictures of him. He tried to tell me that Trying to tell me that never used to dye his mustache. I said bullshit. Did I? Bullshit. What is this one from that to fucking— it was black and has gone to that?

No, think about it, boys. I'm not gonna say no. It was the same color as this in the body picture.

It's dark now.

It is dark now, you're right, mate.

Thanks, mate. Yeah, fuck it, we'll leave it. Good hats, aren't they?

All three of us busting out.

Yeah, yeah, I think mine's a bit different to yours.

Yours is Desert Storm mode.

I'll leave it on the dashboard as well though. On the dashboard.

Oh yeah, that'll be it. That'll be it. No, it's not.

It was a different colorway. It was a different colorway instead. Look at the plastic. Potentially the greatest hats of all time.

Oh yeah, comfortably. Yeah, good hats.

Yeah, fair fucks. All right, dog trainers are weirdos.

Anything else? Yeah, don't ever commit a crime in Perth because— Yeah, you wouldn't mess with him.

Oh no, I'm not very tall.

You're taking down a full able-bodied person.

Yeah, usually disabled ones, easy ones.

Yeah. Oh, and there's another type. This guy, he's in a wheelchair, to be fair. Yeah, but he, uh, straight off a bridge.

Yep. Yeah, I could see that.

There you go, hoping he would float. Talking about guys in wheelchairs, we should get Tim on the podcast.

Is that the bloke with the lab? Yeah, that was the first time that I met you and— oh yeah, in person. And fucking hell, he's an impressive bloke, guy. Yeah, yeah, very impressive. We went down to Hickory's with him. Can't believe it. Okay. Yeah.

Oh yeah, yeah, nice. Cool, isn't he? Yeah, very cool. Greatest person I know, maybe know, bar you. But yeah, yeah, good bloke.

Yeah, you're fucking right, bloke.

Just very impressive.

Just— yeah, yeah.

You look at other people that are just fucking pathetic. Yeah. And I just think of Tim.

Yeah, yeah. Can't train my dog. Can't train my dog. Look at this bloke. Yeah, fucking hell.

Yeah, hands don't really even work, mate.

Yeah, he's a— for reference, his dog heals Next to his wheelchair, he's completely off the leash, recalls like a weapon, goes to the pub, chills out and downs.

He can roll his wheelchair down.

You can't say weapon like that here. These different things over here, like weapon in Australia is like a good thing.

Yeah, it's like a fucking weapon. Oh, not a fucking weapon.

He's very good. Yeah, yeah, he's great.

Yeah, he can get his dog to heel left, right of the chair.

So you can like chaperoning behind when he finds the keys and shit, finds his keys, turns his van lights on. So if he was the smackhead guy in your story and you took the keys out and threw them— or your story— into the field, it'd be fine because Sonny would just fucking dive out, get him, stick him back in the ignition, start the car, and put Sonny on the back.

Yeah, he would. Yeah, we get a picture of Sonny driving Tim's van here, please. It actually happens. So yeah, yeah, well, no pictures up here.

Left and right.

Because Tim has settings because of— Tim has, uh, like a special wheel and stuff, and his gear sticks are here because obviously his legs don't work.

Yeah, yeah.

And Sonny can drive. How is that that hard to believe? Why is he so—

it's like the eCall thing when he said— when he said it took at least 12 weeks to train.

This has gone up again.

This has gone up again. It was like 2 weeks, I said. And you went, no, not 2 weeks. I actually, I put, uh, 12 weeks. I put a poll on my Instagram a few weeks ago asking how long does it take to get your dog off leash. Dog trainers, dog owners, good dog trainers as well, very varied opinions. Yeah, I bet. I put 5 weeks, I put 3 weeks, put 2 weeks, put what, 2 days. And there was dog trainers who selected every single one of them, and dog owners who have e-collar trained their dogs, not with me, in their profiles, all varying opinions. Madness. What was the most selected?

2 weeks. Yeah, fair enough. Yeah, all right, I'll give you that. Yeah, so yeah, so Tony can like— he can't fucking— he's not gonna drive down the motorway, but if he wanted it shifted on the— and it only drives like a fucking speed limit.

So yeah, I would—

I'm not apprehensive about it, just I'd love to see it. I think it was like me, I believe you could get dogs off leash in 2 days. I just went, fuck man, I need to see it. Yeah, yeah, fine.

Well, yeah, like I've seen him reverse it into his garage so he can push the buttons.

He can't drive it, but he can push the buttons.

Some fucking button pushing going on.

Oh yeah, he probably could. Yeah, if we challenged Tim to teach him.

Yeah, I actually think he probably would do.

So see you later. Message me when you get to Perth. Yeah, they're moving to Perth. They're moving to Perth? Yeah, yeah.

Taking the dog. Taking the dog with him, would you? Yeah, yeah.

Sick. So let's just pivot over to Perth CA. What's the latest on that, mate, since our last podcast?

So we got, yeah, we got the keys. Got the keys. Was it yesterday?

Are you texting? Oh. I was texting the Mudnut, to be fair. Oh yeah. Fair enough. Any news?

No, I'm asking. Ah.

Yeah, was it yesterday we got the keys? Yep. Yeah, so got the keys yesterday for— video, yeah, Brodie opening the doors. Yeah, Pabs gone to get his passport today.

Yeah, yeah, sending big Pabs over, sending the cavalry over.

Yeah, he's gonna be incredible, really doing the paint jobs, doing the floors.

That boy's been on some journey.

Scratching my back. No, it's not a bit weird. Sorry, I don't know. No problem. Would he?

Especially for 20 quid. I've actually not genuinely not found anything you wouldn't do for 20 quid, which is incredible.

Might get that list, might get the list later. Yeah, um, yeah, got the keys. Papa's coming over, just, uh, just trying to get everything organized now. Seminar, that's getting set up for you boys to come over, run that, and boot camp, trying to boot camp. That'll be fucking class. Yeah, and not the, not the best time of year in Perth, but we'll still get some decent weather, I reckon. All right, okay.

Yeah, I think you're fine for us too, mate.

Yeah, we'll take anything at this point. Yeah, yeah, we've basically been in weather prison for a long time. Yeah, a smooth ass is fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In 9 months you're gonna look like Beyoncé. Pretty much what we've been through weather-wise. Yeah, we'll take just a little ray of sunshine at this point.

That's right, a little ray, little ray.

I'd take a little ray.

Well, bull sharks don't get you anyway, so you can have a good swim.

Turns out we're immune to them.

Hey, we must give off some sort of sonar.

The Swan River would test you, I reckon. There's a fucking lot in there. It's more dangerous than going in the ocean, way more dangerous. Fine. Yeah, give it a go.

We'll get it. Yeah, fine. The thing is, the sharks are the least of my worries when I go in the ocean.

Awesome. What, your knee going out?

Everything else is much more of a concern. So it's like, well, a shark, all right, you're fine. What about everything else? Fucking knee fell off, had a paddy.

You did have a paddy, didn't you? Yeah, yeah. And we asked you for it.

You publicly outed me for it forevermore. To be fair, I don't know, I got a few mates in Perth already. Yeah, big church.

Yep, we got the voice note.

We did get the voice. It was all right, it's pretty good.

Yeah, they sound very similar, but that'll be in the last part, I think. Yeah, that's right, be pinged in both parts in that part.

All right, yeah, I like that dog.

Yeah, it's a good name.

Yeah, handsome boy as well. Yeah, he's a handsome boy.

That's funny, that's like you being called Bob. Colin?

No, like a little soft bitch boy's name. Oh, Teddy.

Like Lucas. Like if you were called Lucas.

You nailed it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, all right then. All right, anything else? Spoken plenty about cocks. I don't think we need to speak about cocks anymore.

No, no. Yeah, probably nothing.

You know, yeah, weekly dose of—

speaking a lot about cocks on this podcast, isn't it? I think we might have some pent-up frustrations there. Yeah.

Yeah, what do you do with pent-up frustration though? Just go have a play? No, I don't know. Yeah, I think you've done enough of that probably.

Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. All right, all right then, let's wrap it up. Say goodbye to the final boot.

Do you want to get around there or not? You just walk past.

Hey, Big Ray. No, he's dying.

Oh, okay. I'm gonna interview Ray. All right, well, we'll wrap it up then.

Yeah, yeah, fine. All right, pretty good.

See you. See you. Think— say bye. Bye.