EP 91: Stop Micromanaging Your Dog (And The Best Tiramisu Ever)

This is the first podcast a guest has ever refused to come on.

Yeah, but you can only assume that he's just got too big time.

Yeah, yeah, fair enough.

You gonna mention the name or not?

I don't know whether he deserves it.

No, it's almost like, uh, no, we've really created a monster with that guy.

Yeah, couple of world— yeah, yeah, he does.

Yeah, a few clues there.

Couple of clues. One, he's extremely fertile. Two, he has— Phenomenal chest. Three, he copied my haircut.

Copy cut.

Yeah, so.

Yeah, fair enough.

Yeah.

Clues are there. You figure out.

The proof is in the pudding.

Proof is in— Speaking of puddings. You had an amazing call on the way past an official Italian restaurant.

Yeah. So we're driving to Roundhay, which we'll come on to in a second. And we pass a small independent Italian restaurant.

Yeah.

Very busy.

Yeah.

Friday at midday.

Yeah. Which is a good sign.

Great sign. So I'm thinking they might do tiramisu.

Should do.

Turns out they do.

Turns out they do do. Did. And you went and got some.

Shout out to Serotto. Is that it?

Seriso, I think. I don't think there's a T in there anywhere.

Seriso.

Shall I see what you—

You best do, because if it's a great tiramisu—

Yeah, you got to give them credit.

Now, as I went in there, mate, it was full of genuine Italians.

It was the mob.

Yeah, it was giving mafioso.

Ristorante Sorriso. So we should probably get the guy with YouTube, if any of you could like—

hey, what does it mean?

I don't know, but it's spelled S-O-R-R-I-S-O. Okay, it's only 8 minutes from here.

S-O-R-R-I-S-O. Italian. It means girth.

Does it actually?

No, it means smile.

Oh, okay. Yeah, that's kind of nice, isn't it? Girth can make some people smile, I suppose.

Right. I could do with a bit. Not up me, on me.

Hey, Dearly. Fair enough.

I actually bought 3 tiramisus.

Yeah, brilliant, because we were supposed to have a guest. Like, fella, that's like all the ultimate respect from you to give him.

What the fuck did he say to you to say, no, I don't want to come on the podcast?

What did he dominate?

Too busy.

And what was your response to him?

He spit on him. Did you—

you said fine.

Should have spat on him. Yeah, that's mad, isn't it?

Yeah.

Kelly says we have to do something about eating on the podcast because it's— it turned the last one off.

Because we were eating.

Because we're—

yeah, but that's coming from fucking old swizzle tits.

Yeah, that's true. You don't trust an alcoholic. Yeah, if life's taught me anything so far is don't trust someone that can't put the drink down.

Yep.

So in fact, fuck off, Kelly. What are you— as soon as you stop drinking, right?

I'm supposed to give her one of the Mördingers, aren't I, and see if she can break it with her? Oh yeah, yeah, I'll do that next time.

Anyway, should we do the tiramisu now? Yeah, why not? Yeah, and then we'll talk about round table Roundhay Park.

Yeah, nice.

We'll talk about what we talked about at Roundhay Park.

Yep.

And then we'll talk about what we talked about. This is as far as I've got.

We'll talk about something. I hope it's amazing. I'm gonna be—

oh yeah, it wasn't expensive. Let me just put that out there.

It wasn't?

No.

All right, it wasn't expensive. I wonder how many— how many—

pleasantly surprised.

How many tickets?

What do you mean?

Where? Ah, it's just a moisture thing.

That's fine.

Yeah, that's fine. Oh, sorry. I bet they probably don't, um, sell too many takeout tiramisus, to be fair.

No, he was like, yeah, right, really?

So he probably didn't even know how to price it. Cream amount is high versus the sponge. Yeah, I'm into it.

Yeah, no, it's good. Really good.

Oh fuck. Yeah, it actually is, isn't it?

Oh yeah.

I might go there for my tea. Mmm.

I was looking at the menu. Holy shit.

Yeah, that is good.

Shout out to a random kid called Jake on Instagram who bought some tiramisu exclusively to watch our podcast. Well, maybe he already had it. Maybe his mum had it. I say kid, I don't know how old he is. I just—

he's like 3 years old, mate.

There's no adults called Jake, is there? No, Mom, okay, the boys are eating too. You know they're not your real friends, right, Jake? Yeah, well, it's really good. It's really good, isn't it?

Is this bad? Okay, it's fucking homemade Grandma's tiramisu. I don't know, it's not as alcoholic.

That's for sure.

Yes, you would. I genuinely felt a little bit woozy after I eaten that. And that's no huge statement because I'm a straight edge guy. Yeah, but this is great.

Mate, it's fucking really good. Mm.

Do you ask any questions about it? It was like homemade or— Nope. Bought in or—

Well, we had him who we do not speak of locked in the back of the car, so, um, I was in a rush. It's great. Well, very good. I'm almost happy that fucking wanker didn't show up to the podcast now. At least he's gonna eat his portion.

Exactly. And even if it wasn't good and I felt like vomiting, I'd still eat it.

Yeah, but I'll tell you what, we've not had a bad tiramisu.

No, we haven't.

It's like a combination you can't really get wrong, I guess.

Yeah. Is there such a thing as a bad tiramisu? That'd be a question. Without purposefully engineering like a— you know, you have to like poo in it.

Yeah, and that's like purposely engineering it because by the time you go coffee, sponge, cream, and chocolate dusting, yeah, any variation of those—

not going too far wrong, is it?

No.

Yeah, fair enough. Well, nice to see you around the park today. You got a few steps in, obviously, like, just recovering from the last time you got too many steps in and got calf strain. That's true.

Yeah, it is true. I walked too much and almost broke my leg.

It's true.

I felt like I've been shot. Yeah, for a wee bit. And then, yeah, yeah, weird. Yeah, we had a nice round walk around Round A.

Yeah, not too aggressive, no crazy inclines for the calf. We we kept it like decline or flat. That was good. Um, not even a crazy camber, any real true point either, so he'd be really trying to look after the— what did you just say? Camber, you know, like where it's like—

oh yeah, yeah, no, also good. Yeah, got a few of the stuff up. Fucking knock a couple of injuries, a couple of injuries on me.

Are we—

yeah, we've got a cankle. Oh yeah, Hawaiian's got a bicep injury. Yeah. Although he's not here, to be fair.

No, he's gone.

Oh, he's got a speech impediment. Does that count as an injury?

It's kind of a long-term chronic thing rather than a—

He's got a lisp.

I identify as short.

Turns out I'm taller than the Mutt Nut too.

Jacob. Yeah.

Yeah. Piece of it. Hang that up there. The little bastard. The little rascal. I've genuinely grown. I don't know how.

What beverage do you have there? Raspberryade.

Raspberryade.

Fair enough.

Bar. Bar drinks. Mm.

Go on then, how did you enjoy your Roundhay Park visit? We didn't see any parakeets. That was disappointing, wasn't it?

Yeah, because they don't exist. So apparently our local park has parrots.

Parakeets.

So I'm just like mincing around Australia going, wow, look at that bird.

Already seen it in Roundy Park, mate.

Just down the road.

Just down the road. Don't have to go far.

Maybe it's true what they say, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

But the parakeets are very green.

Are they green?

Yeah. Yep. I'll get a picture of them pinged up here.

To be fair, I have seen two at the old YCA centre.

Well, there you go, you see.

—so it's not too—

It's not beyond a stretch to think they might—

Venture out to Roundhay. Yeah. I don't get this about birds. They could choose to live anywhere on the planet. Some choose to live in Castleford.

I've never seen a bird in Castleford.

Fair enough. Alright. Well, London then.

They could. They could choose to live— There might be birds there. I've never seen one there. I've driven through it a few times. Alright, fair enough. Never recall thinking, "Yep, there's a bird there." You got some great options though, haven't you?

That's good. You can go anywhere you want. Far superior options. The Okavango Delta in Botswana being one, that's a nice place. Yeah. Shit can eat you out there though as a birdie.

Crocodiles and shit. Yeah. So maybe, yeah. Not too many preds out here taking out birds. A few.

Are there birds?

Sparrowhawks, peregrines. Will take a man down. Owls? More of ground feeders. Rodents. Really? And kites are, uh— Very much carrion creatures. Yeah, praying the dead.

Interesting. Yeah. All right, Roundhay Park.

It was good, wasn't it? Yeah, it was a big team, one big unit. I don't even know.

Jimmy Savile used to live there, so she kind of puts a dampener on it because it's a great joint.

I don't know, you can say that name anymore. Why? I don't know, people just—

maybe you can. Yeah, I'm not fucking advocating for him.

How many dogs were there, Lucas?

23, 24, probably more. I feel like more. Because we've got 17 on our boot camp.

Either 16 or 17 official, plus 3 additions. Yep. I'm lost now for maths. Mutton and I had 4, and you and I took a team of our own, one apiece, and you took Sheila, and Pabsy took Eliza. Oh shit, yeah. So what's that? I don't know, but it's got to be 40. Easy. Comfortably 40 dogs.

Comfortably 45 to 50 dogs. Maths. At Roundhay Park. And we only had a couple of shenanigans.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stark fell in the lake. Which involved our dogs.

Yeah, yeah, it did, yeah.

Yeah, Stark dropped his fucking dumb-dumb.

Stark doesn't really like water, but the ball fell in, so.

Yeah, so there's a good point there then, isn't there? Is that? He's not a mad fan of water.

He really doesn't like it.

My God, was he motivated to jump in there right quick. Yeah, he didn't think about it. No, he just looked and went, oh, there it is, look.

I feel like he might have regretted his choice while he was in there. Yeah, bobbing forward.

He had it though. Yeah, and they had to pull him out.

Yeah. Oh yeah, he had it.

Yeah, so he's already got the thing and then he's like, oh shit, I'm in the middle of Round Lake. I'll probably deal with it because I'm stuck, but Yeah, you mind giving us a lift out, would you, Dad?

Papi. Daddy. He got lost at one point and was looking like a child.

That was an interesting moment. That was an interesting moment to see his behavior at distance, like almost like the erratic nature of like, oh fuck, none of you are actually my dad. Yeah, he was just like looking hard.

It was cute. He likes me.

He did that right at the start. Did he? Yeah. Yeah, he was like, hang on, I'm sure he was stood there a minute ago.

What do they get out of us? I don't know. Eh. There's a study on monkeys done.

Have I talked about that study on monkeys? Go on then.

Bear in mind it's an Instagram reel.

Oh, I know the one you mean.

They separated monkeys from their parents. You sent me it, yeah. And they give them surrogate mothers in the form of like robots, to be fair.

They were almost like fucking doll things. Yeah, it was a bit creepy. It was, yeah.

One mother exclusively gave food and no comfort. Yep. And the other mother— so one mother basically hand-fed. Yep. The other mother cuddled, but like bowl-fed, basically. Yeah. And then they scared the shit out of the monkeys and watched their behavior of what they did.

Which is pretty fucked up, but yeah.

Oh yeah, this is very unethical. And they all went, ran to the mother that gave cuddles, not the one who gave food. So yeah, I believe that, to be fair. Yeah, I don't think hand feeding does fuck all for your relationship. I think it's a bunch of nonsense.

Yeah, not for relationship-wise. In terms of like a bit of like learning early doors and, and creating polarity, probably cuddling bollocking. Yeah, fair enough. Yeah, whopping together. Yeah, exploring together. That's what we did today. We did a bit of whopping. We did. Yeah, basically let them free roam it, free ball it, and we explored. Work out amazingly well.

Not against food by any means. No, no, no, no training.

Showing better choices early. Brilliant. But I definitely think it needs to be faded out.

Yeah, so I think you can be too transactional with the dog at times. Yeah, definitely.

You get dirty, like, overshadowing effect as well. Yeah, of what the true end goal might be. I think with some dogs, if they've hit the fucking ceiling and that ceiling's quite low, yeah, maybe it sticks around longer, but there's not— I think there's that many of them.

Nah, not that many at all.

Nah, some rabid bull breeds maybe, but Yeah, it can really like fuck up long-term gains, I think, if you, if you keep food around too long and you're fucking marking away from this and marking away from that and marking for fucking— like you say, we buy into the marking shit too, like at the right time.

I've seen dog trainers do it. We had to go at that little shit for doing it earlier, didn't we?

Yeah, we did. I don't think you know us though. No, I don't know.

Yeah, what did he do? Yes, who's he fucking playing engage-disengage with his dog or something?

Yeah, walk past the kid.

Oh, that was it. Yeah, he said yes. But yeah, fair enough. Oh yeah, it's not, it's not wrong. No, definitely not wrong.

But I think it can have a negative effect though. You reckon?

Yeah, too much of it for too long.

Yeah, yeah. In what way? Detraction from environment and truly like, oh, I like exposure, habituating and stuff. Yeah, you get a good enough marker on a dog and you get too much engagement, don't you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they're like, oh, we're not even taking in what's around you now.

Life is now. Yeah, yeah, that's true. So I think it can like detract. I think early doors with a spicy dog, it's a really useful tool to get us to a point of rough neutrality. And then we need to start saying, all right, I'm not going to mark you away, I'm going to let you sit in the fucking point and I'm going to let you realize that that dog's not trying to fuck you up. And if you try and fuck them up, I'm going to tell you don't fuck them up. And then you're going to realize you don't need to trail, you're going to fuck them up.

Yeah, well, they do a bit of that, don't they?

Yeah. And, and it was good to see— this is gonna sound fucking weird, yeah, but it was good to see a dog get chinned by another dog in a very, very, very low-level way.

Yeah, it wasn't—

no damage. Yeah, no, it was just a— hey, you ran into my face, you pecker. Yeah, I'd rather people to see that and realize it's not the end of the world. No. It's how they do. And if the dog wanted to smash up— because it was obviously my dog Blue who got the rough end of it— if it wanted to damage— because it just kind of got him near the ear— if it wanted to bloody him up, she easily would have.

Dogs can bite really hard, really quick, and they've got really good aim.

Oh, it's things like Oldton and Cozzies. Like, yeah, yeah.

And this is why I'm like, oh, when people do get bit by their dog and they say it's an accident— one, it's not an accident.

Interesting. That at the Monday at 5 past 10, we'd only been in there 5 minutes. I go through the sheet and there was a couple of human bites, and I was like, okay, give me the context of the bite. And it wasn't a bite, it was a nip. I'm like, was there blood? No, there wasn't, but there was some bruising.

Bruising. All right, yeah.

So there's like, your dog's told you something with its teeth. That's— yeah, all right, maybe it's not tried to fuck you up. Which you may— anyway, still, um, it's like saying, that's not a punch. Yeah, what was it then? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they don't miss. They don't. Yeah, they don't miss. So I think like the—

remember I kicked that ball at Stark the other day from 2 foot away from him and he caught it like Spider-Man? Yeah, that's how good their reflexes are, how good their aim is, what they're capable of doing with their mouth. And you're like, oh yeah, he turned around and accidentally bit me. The things catch flies, man. In it, they have ridiculous reflexes. And so they know very well— yeah, I'll probably piss off a few people that have got chinned by their dog, but yeah, you gotta kind of accept you've got chinned by your dog and probably do something about it.

Exactly. Yeah, Donnie, when did you ever worry about pissing a few people off?

Yeah, that's true.

No, but it's just, it's an emotional thing, isn't it? You get wellied by your own dog.

It's like, oh, well, Darla bit me on the knee once. Really hurt. Yeah, it was a knee bite. That's terrible. Yeah, really sore right there. Oh no, that's nasty. I remember wanting to fucking kill her.

Yeah, but yeah, but yeah, I suppose fundamentally then the point, if we were to take anything from that 5 minutes of blurb, like when you get to a certain point, you don't have to micromanage. I just told you that I like— so I've seen a post by Chad Mackin, who's a very philosophical, smart dude, and he's homeless basically. He does look a little homeless, but I don't know, bastardize the quote if I try and do it exactly. So he was basically saying an off-lead dog that you're micromanaging is pointless to be off-lead. Like, yeah, which makes total sense, and we probably brushed on it before, but what's the point?

Oh yeah, what is the point?

Might as well have a dude on a flexi lead and just be like, all right, well, you're sticking near me. You can—

do you want to give it like divulge a little bit in an example of what you mean instead of presuming everyone reads minds?

Uh, yeah, so like as an example, like prey is a real easy one to use, isn't it? So like a couple of days ago I went to the park with Fleabag and he's chasing every single squirrel he can see. Yep. If I needed to recall him from one, he recalled from one. I didn't need to though. Like, he was just having a whale of a fucking time, like a proper good time. And I could see this guy with his Labrador and he's like— it wasn't a mega short lead, but the dog was just like bouncing towards in the lead, like trying to do the same thing, having no fun whatsoever. I'm just like, okay, fine. But if that guy took that dog off lead but then just didn't let him chase the squirrels, what's the difference? Like, capping it with a a recall if you've got a good recall, or aversive if you've got an aversive, or whatever. Like keeping them within that bubble. And it probably comes down to a couple of things, doesn't it? Like people maybe don't think they could ever recall their dog from prey, in which case they therefore can't let them chase it. Yep. Or sometimes there's a bit of a confidence thing. Like when we get boot camps, like you can see people initially when they let the dog off the lead, they're like, oh yeah, don't go too far, don't go too far, which I get. They've probably got a bit of PTSD or trauma or something, then they're just working through it. But fundamentally, in the end, if you, if you, if you're capping it, what's the point of getting them off lead in the first place? Yeah, yeah, you've got to put a bit of, like, um, a bit of responsibility on them in the end. Give them a bit of agency over shit and hope that they make some good decisions. And you're there, like, you're not— it's not like you're, you're gonna totally switch off. No, you guide them through it. But if you micromanage them through it, it's going to be Pointless. Yeah, interesting.

And we did that whole walk with the client and Ranger once, and yeah, that was a good example of that.

Very good example of that. Um, so was that one.

So we went for a walk with a client, I can't remember who it was. We took Ranger, and Ranger's just definitely not an obedient dog. He doesn't really listen to me. However, his good behavior is habituated now. And we went for a full—

I wouldn't say he doesn't listen to me.

Ah, yeah, you're right. Fair enough. He will listen when I mean it. Yeah. Yeah. I don't ask much of him, I guess.

That's probably more the point.

Yeah. I put obligation on him maybe once or twice a day. Maybe. But from getting up, he goes to the toilet on his own. That's pretty good. When I open the van, he like then goes to the van. I don't have to say like, get in the van. I don't have to say, get out of the van. I give a vague, this way, and then he like goes into the office. Yeah, I can't think of a time where I'm like, oh, you have to do this and continue to do this. So he's a good example of a very high agency dog. Whereas like Stark, to be fair, today he was really good on his walk and he didn't really need that much input. But out and about, yeah, he's a little bit more, um, well, even just around here, a little bit more. Input from myself, given he's more explorative.

But yeah, and that's something that comes down to the energy he brings, all right? And you being— and you probably being responsible for other people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he's not necessarily doing anything wrong. He's not even running over to a dog. But because he's got that, um, constant vibration about him, it can rub dogs the wrong way, can't it? So it's probably just more you being like, all right, I don't want to set anyone back or stress anyone out.

Yeah, yeah. Anyway, we went for a walk with— I don't know who was there, mate. It was clients, obviously. And yeah, did you have one of your— a couple of yours? I think I had Bloomons. Yeah, yeah, we had Range, and we were just hanging with the clients. And we did a whole lap around Goldenacre, and I didn't say one word to Ranger. He just kind of followed us. But we passed dogs, kids, squirrels, everything. Passed through the cafe at one point. He didn't even— didn't go on a lead or anything like that. And the guy was like, oh, he's really well trained. And I just made a point, he's not like super obedient, but you know, over time he's maybe been the ability to give him good choices. He's like a homeless person's dog, he's good. Yeah, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I suppose it depends on the definition of training, doesn't it?

Because a lot of people— well, this is what we're discussing, I guess.

Yeah, a lot of people's training is like skills rather than just how to live life. Yeah, and how to get through life.

Yeah, how to be Yeah, yeah. So it depends. Yeah, could do. We could probably define training at this point, right? Yeah, we'll come up with our own definition. Yeah, let's tell you what, dog training industry, we're about to define what you are. There you go. You're welcome.

It's one of my favorite things to say, so ever. Well, you're welcome.

You're welcome. 'Even though it's not something that—' Yeah, yeah. One of my favourite is 'No thanks, I'm driving.' Even though when someone's offering you something that's not alcoholic. Another good one is 'I met her on holiday.' It's good, innit? Yeah, it is. You're just like, 'Who's that?' 'You wouldn't know her, I met her on holiday.' With the shift of the—

Yeah. Yeah, that's good. That is a good one.

There's a couple of them, but yeah, yeah, fuck knows. I really don't know, mate. The boot campers impressed me a lot, so it was great.

Yeah, it was good. They're pretty good.

Fucking decent hoofer offers at the beginning of the week, and then next minute they're all just—

yeah, not hooping off. No. Yeah, and then to be fair, roundy was pretty good because we had a decent number of like rogue dogs. We had our two rogue dogs, but then there was plenty of other, like, little Teddy, the Frenchman fucking booing off of the tree.

That was funny. Yeah, it was the worst effort of trying to catch a squirrel I've ever seen. Yeah, the squirrel was genuinely fucking with him. Yeah, yeah, 100%.

He was cute though. Yeah. Um, yeah, there is other ones on the way around.

A couple of wolfdogs on this boot camp.

Yeah, don't see too many of those. No. I've got a crazy, um, he's probably just like a bit of a cauldron of shit really, because obviously wolf dogs can be a bit aloof anyway, and then they live in the Hebrides or something, I think, so they literally don't see humans. And sounds like an STI.

It could be, probably had it.

Yeah, recovered though, obviously immune system strong and all that. Yeah. Um, so yeah, a bit of a fucking combination of nature and nurture at play. It was lively. It was the geyser.

Yeah. How much wolf are they? We need to try and establish this.

I don't know exactly how many.

39% wolf, bruv. I'm sure he said that one was like part gray wolf.

Yeah, I don't know. Is that allowed?

I don't know. You can't have a pit bull, but you can have a wolf. But I don't mean that one, mate. Yeah. They're big though. Well, the boy's big. He's a big long thing, innit?

Yeah.

Windy though. Yeah, mate, you're a wolf. Yeah, come on. You're like the OG of dogs.

Yeah. You literally birthed all of these things around you. Even that little Maxi there, look. He's kind of like you, but not.

Your DNA is in all of these. Yeah.

You alright then? What else then?

What do you mean? Like on the pod? Yeah, I think today now.

Yeah, no, I don't know.

I think that was a really good boot camp we did. They did, they did, you did. Yeah, there's lots, lots of these days.

I don't really get the ball rolling though, and I, I'm into some like struggling ones. Yeah, yeah. But so they have done a good job. I gave them kudos on Thursday in the meeting because boy, and this is true, and this is mainly for Adam in Australia. Hopefully he listens still. Yeah, he's not too busy for it yet, but they did some proofing of e-collar on Tuesday, which is the second day of boot camp.

Amazing. Yep. All this, and there's Adam doing it in 12 weeks.

12 weeks?

Yeah, 12 to 14 weeks.

We're gonna have to fix that up for a moment in light of recent events and that.

That's funny. Now Adam can— does it in 2 days now as well. 2 days. 2-day ads, they call him.

He did at one point say he didn't think it was possible though.

He did, yeah.

But then he was like, actually, I can see how you do it now.

Yeah, yeah, he didn't say— I guess he did by proxy, but he said, I'll believe it when I see it. He said, you're not, you're not, you know. And then there you go, off a leash.

Yeah, I'll do that. He's adopted this thing, but that's the type of dude he is though. It's one of those dudes where you tell him how to do something, he just goes, cool, I've got that now.

Point and shoot type fellow. Point and shoot. Shout out to Harry Monaghan.

Oh yeah, another point-and-shoot type fellow. Yeah, he attacks hard.

Can't understand him, can't even say his name. No, my God, he attacks. Yeah, good lad. Elite canine.

And, uh, things go in one ear, they stay in, and then they come out as action.

Yes, it's not like me where it just goes in one ear and out the other and then you never see it again. Plenty of people like that knocking about nowadays. Planet Earth. Yep. Not our mate Harry. No, are we?

Yeah, it's part violence here in North or South?

No, he's from West Belfast, mate.

That's the North. Yes.

Yeah, he's from the same place as the IRA. I don't think he's in the IRA though yet.

That was, that was fucking ominous, wasn't it? Why are you yet?

No, I think they catch him early.

I take turns. Well, like, hasn't the alternate, or like they have a funny turn?

He's in the YCA cult. Down though. I don't think he can be in too—

yeah, I think he'll be okay. Yeah, me shorts are getting short again.

You got any holes in this one?

Yeah, I do. Yeah, but I got the black pants on today. Pants on?

Ah, so people are actually looking at your shaft but not knowing.

Nice, mate. Secret shaft.

Should we one day just paint everything from waist to legs black? Yeah, like shorts. We'll get shorts painted on and see if anyone notices our fucking little wedgies. Yeah, probably not. Okay, fair enough.

Difficult to know.

He does get his shirts painted.

He does like a shirt.

Yeah, apparently he has a stencil. I would have— spray paints his t-shirt on every day.

If I had pectorals like that though, I do— you wouldn't wear a shirt?

No, I wouldn't. Straight up, you wouldn't be wearing a shirt? I'd be shirtless.

It might be raining, but yeah, but look at me though, dickhead. Look at me, look at me pecs, man.

Do a little titty dance.

I might just like get that section of my arms. All right. Yep. So I might just like get some like little sleeve things.

Put a picture of Jeff up here.

That section there.

Curkiest Jeff Hardy up here, please. Doing anything nowadays? Jeff. Yeah. All right. All right then. All right, what else then? Any more for any more? Oh yeah.

What's Mutnut's gender? Mutnut's gender?

I don't know. He's pretty sure he's a dude, mate. The nut seed. The mut nut daddy. The nut daddy. The nut. There's gotta be something there, isn't it?

He's like the oak and it's like a little acorn.

A nut nut. The mut seedling. Um. Anyway, he's having a little girl, which I'm devastated about because I was gonna bet that he was gonna call it J-Rod. Yeah, would have. I'm also kind of glad that he's having a little girl because he probably wouldn't have called it J-Rod and I would have fallen out with him.

Okay, yeah, I could see that.

Yeah, I can see you doing that. Yeah, yeah. So congratulations to the Mutnut and Brodie.

Friendship saved, huh? Friendship saved.

Yeah, he could call it—

I don't know, it's gonna sound awful. I don't really know any, like, no, I don't really know any trainers though, so it's not like a male-female thing. I just don't know.

Okay, now, yeah, shout out to Big Josh.

Yeah, because he's fucking shoulder press— he's in my head then, that shoulder press set. Is it? Yeah. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, but we've got crippled shoulders because we've played actual sport in our life.

Yeah, that's a good point.

I'll take that. I don't think he's done anything other than just talk online.

Yeah, yeah, that's probably true.

Yeah, I actually, to that point, I could not, and I mean this in a genuine way, 100%, could not give a flying fuck about what any other dog trainer is doing on the planet. And they all seem to be obsessed with each other.

Yeah, that's the bit that I don't like.

They are obsessed. Yeah, why are you all obsessed?

Do your own thing. So anyway, obviously I'm still involved in the practical side more than yourself, so if there was something to be learned—

yes, sound—

I'm happy to learn something and apply it. And if you told me there was a better way of doing XYZ tomorrow, I would 100% adopt it. But that's not what it's about. It's about just firing shots at each other.

Yeah, and just constantly like slagging each other off and shit like that. And I'm like, how do you even— what some that you'll never meet is even doing.

Either get on better or fight it out. Yeah, in a ring.

If anyone wants to fight either one of us, or both if you have a friend, we're fine with that. We are fine with that.

Probably don't have friends.

We don't have friends because you're all fucking losers and none of you want— and no one wants to hang out with you fucking sad, salty little dicks because you're too fucking busy telling dogs what to do, and then you have to interact with real people in the real world and you can't do it because you're a fucking weirdo. I know that's a large majority of our audience. I'm sorry.

I don't know if that's too far.

I'm fucking sorry. Is that too far? I don't know. It seems aggressive. It was meant to be aggressive. He can fuck off.

Yeah, throw a can of fucking bar in.

Yeah, straight to his fucking head.

Fucking eye, right in the eye. Knob. One-eyed schmoot. But yeah, basically, yeah, yeah, just try and hang out with me and stuff online and I ignore them.

Just get on better, stop bitching. Yeah, they love a bitch, don't they? Yeah, man, they love a bitch. And I don't know, I've got so many theories about it, but you can't— I don't know, you can't post anything of what you do online because if there's never perfect by anyone's measurement, you know what I mean?

Look, I've never trained a dog perfectly in my life.

No, I don't think anyone has. It's unlikely.

Just try and stick by a decent moral compass and a few ethics and try and get the dog to a better life.

That's subjective anyway, isn't it? Really? Yeah, of course it is. Fucking— it comes down to—

because some people think you shouldn't— you shouldn't—

you got to have fucking consent. People think that licking mats on a long line is a good life. Yeah, I think it's a prison sentence.

Yeah, fucking weirdos. Strange for this, but I agree with you. That's one of my dogs. Someone slid up that window.

There's Michael at the fucking food tin again. Is he? He's— that's why I quite like this place, to be fair. Turns out I don't mind this place.

It's okay, isn't it?

Yeah, it's quite inviting to people, isn't it? Yeah. How about Joan earlier on?

That was great, wasn't it? I know you got frustrated. I almost wound your neck in. With what? Because you were trying to do two things at once.

I was trying to do two things at once. Yeah, I was getting annoyed. Not at Joan, but I know.

Yeah, I know. You're almost short with Joan.

Yeah, fine, fine, fine.

Sorry, a little second there.

You almost karate chopped me in the neck.

Yeah, just shut up.

Anyway, you know, anyways, sorry, sorry, sorry, I was annoyed at the signal. I know you were.

I was equally annoyed at that signal.

Joan just melts himself. But yeah, all right, fair enough, he's great. Yeah, sound right. A couple of little sausage dogs on the fucking boot camp as well, wasn't it? Yeah, there's always one or two, isn't there? Yeah, one, two.

There's always one or two that slipped in just to spice it up. Yeah. A big team of Shepherds, and there'll be a couple of sausages.

Yeah, yeah, 65% Shepherds, sausage dogs, and then some street dog, a Labrador. And then this week's Labrador though, this week's Labrador is not a real Labrador. No, but they have good papers.

He's long, and I believe them. I bet they paid a decent wedge of cash for him.

He's great, Nick. He's in good nick.

Like, he's the most fantastic looking Labrador. Labrador.

Labradoodle. Labial. Labial. A labial dog.

He's the most fantastic one of those I've ever seen, I think.

Yeah, he's great. We'll put a piccy up of him here. Old long-legged Johnson.

Big Monty Johnson. What's his name? Monty. Monty.

There's a couple of good names on this boot camp. Yeah. Hit me with one. Hebden Bridge, is that one? Is there a dog called Hebden Bridge on this list?

Is it the one in this one? Is this one with the one with Rocket, or was that last one? Yeah, no, this is Rocket.

Yeah, that's Which is a phenomenal name, especially because of the rationale behind it. Guardians of the Galaxy. Yeah, brilliant reference.

Great movie.

And there's a Hanuman. Hanuman.

Hanabi. Hanabi. Hanabi.

That's also a good name.

Yeah, it is. Yeah, yeah. Japanese, I assume so. But you know what, something, something.

Your dog's got quite good names, to be fair. Blue's shite, but Name him though. No, fine, it wasn't a dick. Why are you coming at me, bruv? But Mr. Bumble, yeah, that's pretty great. That is great. Was he already called Mr. Bumble? Yeah, then you don't get to fucking— no, I know, I don't get something about not picking blue then. Yeah, yeah, I don't get to get to Relish.

No, no, of course I don't, that's fine.

Um, but Fleabag's also good. Yeah, talk me through that one.

Well, how it came about. Yeah. Well, because I was trying to stay emotionally detached from him, so I was just like, oh, rather than giving him a name, I'll just call him the Fleabag because he's found in bushes and all that shit. Yeah, like, here is the Fleabag, look. And then it just kind of stuck. People were giggling, and then he started responding to Flea.

It's a very good name.

Yeah, and it's apt as well.

It suits him.

He is the bag.

He is the bag. That's so funny.

Yeah, funny dog. Very funny. Who else you have?

Lil Jon. Jon was already called Jon, wasn't he?

He was already called Lil Jon, yep.

LJ. LJ. Lil Jon, Mr. Bumble, and Fleabag. Good names. Yeah. Doesn't quite beat Sugar Plum and Puddle Dog.

No, it doesn't. I'll take that. Yeah.

Which staff dog has the best name? Well, which staff dog has the best name? Probably, bah, it's gotta be Bumble. Yeah. What else have we got? He's called Mister, for fuck's sake. Yeah, his first official name is Mister. Yeah, like, what? Yeah, fair. So no. It's a non-contest, really. Mister. There's two parts to his name.

Yeah, yeah, it's Bumble.

It's Bumble.

Bumble. Yeah. That's funny.

Got a funny video of Bumble this week, haven't we?

Oh, we do as well, yeah. Throw it up here. Yeah, he, um—

Putting Owen through his paces.

He got a little bit frustrated by Owen's actions.

Apparently one of the boot campers was like, don't you want to fix that?

Aren't you going to do anything about that? Yeah. No, not really. Nah. He'll be all right. Nope, he's a good boy. I'd probably put— well, he's useful. So people thought— people obviously say like, oh, how come you got so many dogs and how do you find having so many dogs? I'm like, well, and my answer this week was useful. So what do you mean useful? I was like, well, I've got a grading of like— got Blue is completely fucking indifferent and wouldn't even probably look at a dog if I get him out as a stooge. And then all the way up, Flea's probably in the middle. Yep, got Bumble. He's like a little antagonist, he'll stick his chest out, throw himself around a bit, eyeball dog.

So from that point of view, to be fair, mate, I give Bumble a shout out on one of my mentee calls this week. One of my mentees were asking, um, he'll be so proud. He would, I know, but he would never know, does he? I will. You're okay, he's pretty—

he's not thick.

Bumble, I gave you a shout out on my mentee call, 9 AM on Wednesday.

Yeah, nice. You'll get it. Yeah. Did you record it?

I'll— you send in the— yeah, but fathom, fathom them up, let them watch the playback.

Yeah, you'd enjoy it, I think. That's a good one. That is a good one.

Bring it here for a sec, just a quick one.

Bring it here.

I think it's the world's cutest dog. Come here. It could be. No, I, I molest it too much. Not in like a noncy way.

Oh, straight legged it over the microphone. That was great. Literally like pick the legs up to go over It does that and she doesn't like it.

She runs away from me in the office. He's gonna pick me up.

We love you. What was Bumble's shoutout actually for then? What? What was this shoutout actually for?

Well, one of my mentees was struggling with transitioning from doing stooge work around his own dogs. Good girl, go on.

Go on, be brave.

Good girl. Big jump. Bye. Was struggling to do stooge work around his own dogs. Yep. And then transition into real life whoppers and was like, oh, dogs are so out of control in real life. Yeah, fair enough. The jump between— yeah, fair enough. The jump between my dogs that don't give a fuck about him and then dogs that are like in his face is really different.

Jacob Morgan. Yeah, that's fair.

And I said you need a Mr. Bumble. Yeah, it was essentially a reactive dog. Yeah, if we had to—

if we had to put a label on him and was what he identified as, I think he— I think he really—

but it actually comes in very good use. It does. Yeah, think about it, it's a good—

yeah. And if I couldn't stop it, I'd be concerned. Yeah, but you can, you can You, like we were saying before, you can actually cap it with a Posi-Marker. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just like looking for something to do. Yeah. Oh, there's nothing to do. I'll wind this motherfucker up.

But yeah, even almost intentionally kept him untrained because it serves for such a good stooge.

I've never punished him before.

Replicate an out of control dog where he's throwing himself on the end of the leash. Yeah. It's actually so handy. Yeah. Because if they can tolerate that and then they go out and about.

Someone in the, in the group boot camp cohort was like, he's got— because a lot of the dogs hadn't reacted to another dog. I don't know who it was. And Moan was like, oh, can I make— can I borrow Bumble? I was like, yeah, it's sound. And then like, you just started notching up like 6 from 6.

I was like, oh yeah, he will be, he will be comfortably.

Weirdly, he's 7 from 6. I don't know how that works.

He's done it, but he has done it. He went back one and he can set a dog off. Yeah, he's fucking eyeballing.

She's like, what? I remember when I picked him up from the kennels and they were like, oh, he's like fucking dog spicy and that. Um, and I took Blue and they, and they got him out and I showed him Blue and I just seen him all wibbling. You know, you just like Okay, yeah, I think you'll be okay.

It'll be fine. Come on, you fucking idiot.

Went for a walk with him. You sound— but that's funny, isn't it?

Yeah, that's really funny. Yeah, sounds silly. There you go. There's been loads of dog value in this one.

Yeah, I think there is actually. We've almost like— this is probably too much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We can just talk about tits next time. Okay. Yeah, all right, fine. Yeah, I've got to go because I got a webinar.

Yeah, you do.

Yeah. And what have you got on Sunday?

Another webinar. Yes, he does. I've got another webinar, have I? No. Ah, nice.

We haven't mentioned, did you find out if Gary stitched us up or not?

No, he said to us, oh yeah, it was closed. I'm like, but you were going away from it when— do you know what I mean? Yeah. Go on, tell the story real quick.

So we got to the end of the road and you can go either left or right to the same place.

And I asked you, should I go left or right? And you said, doesn't really matter.

Yeah, I said, doesn't really matter, you hang it to the left. And as we were going down the road, and it's near enough a single-track road, we passed one of the booties coming the other way. Yeah. And we could see like lights, like yellow ones in the distance.

Flashing yellow lights in the distance though.

You pulled over, winds the window down. 'Is the road closed, Gary, or are you just—' He's like, 'No, I just, uh, went the wrong way.' And we were like, 'Well, it's not the wrong way.

You can go that way too.' But we're like, 'Right, he's already going that way now. Won't correct him. We'll let him go.' Yeah, because he's not actually wrong.

No. So he drives down the road 800 meters, big fuck-off road closed sign, truck parked across it.

It's not just happened either. No, it's not happened in the time between.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was well set out. Yeah, yeah, well, this is the thing. This is why. It's exactly why. And, and we, we said as we were turning around, 98-point turn in the road, we were like, if he did that on purpose, it's one of the greatest gags of all time.

Yeah. Oh no, boys, the road's good. Road's clear as day. I forgot something. Okay, Gary. Okay. Yeah, because there's not much in it, and sometimes just making your mate's life slightly inconvenient, it's just a great gag.

The subtle ones are the best ones, aren't they? It's no elaborate stuff, just like, oh no, you'll be fine going that way, boys.

So yeah, and then, so then I bumped into him after, and then he turned around to me and was like, oh yeah, it was closed. But he'd gone the other way.

He had to.

So I'm like Unless you've gone back again, which I don't think you did, 'cause you beat us here. Surely you— the only time period you have to establish whether that road was closed is the time period prior to speaking to us.

Yeah.

So what the fuck has happened here, Gary? It's gotta have been a stitch-up. Yeah. I hope so.

I do. Wholeheartedly. It was funny anyway.

You got us good, couple of dickheads. Just going, just fucking hurtling on towards the fucking roadblock.

At pace.

Just full fucking faith in Gary. Yeah. Thinking, oh, there must be a little, like, a little nook we can get through here. Yeah. Or we just pull out the, you know, oh no, we just work there, we just get into—

Nope. Nope. Access, mate. Access card. We need access. Yeah.

We need access. Oh, we need to unaccess ourselves. Apparently if you put high-vis on, you can steal anything. Yeah, I could see how that would work. And a badge and a lanyard. Would you question anyone doing really anything if they had a hi-vis badge and a lanyard?

Of course, it's not that funny as a story, but you can get into anywhere if you're wearing hi-vis and carrying around. Yeah, yeah, but yeah, they do do that in movies though, don't they? And movies are obviously based on real life all the time, so Mostly did question someone with a lanyard on once. Go on. You know Pato? Yeah, you live with me. He'd moved out maybe like 6 months prior. Yeah, I'm leaving my house, I'm like, we're going— we're even going for a fucking walk with the dog or something. Anyway, this guy's parked at the bottom of my drive in a van. It looks like a parcel van. He gets out, it's quite big, and I'm like, oh, you got a parcel for me, mate? And he was like, no. I've come to take fucking 600 and some quid from this house.

It was bailiff. Yeah. So your house.

Yeah. Bear in mind, but it was Patel's thing. He sorted it afterwards. I just fucking closed the door, locked it, stood there and just went, good fucking luck. Yeah.

No, what are you going to do, fucking wrestle it from me? Yeah. Oh yeah.

Anyway, fucking what happened? He just fucking muttered a load of stuff and I was like, look, he doesn't live here anymore, mate, so you aren't coming in my fucking house. Yeah, I don't think they're illegally allowed to break in anyway, are they? So as soon as I like locked it, he was just like— this wind came out of his sails and he was all right. He just started off narky, you know how they do about—

oh, they throw their weight around and it's like bouncers and coppers and bailiffs, they're all knobs, they're all bullied. Like dog trainers, bouncers, bailiffs, coppers, dog trainers, you're all fucking— That's a spicy one. Keep it but bleep it. And hopefully my point goes— yes.

Oh, keep and bleep, eh?

Yeah. Fair enough. Yeah, nice.

All right then, should we wrap her up?

Yeah, wrap it up. It's vibin' our time, right? All right, thanks for joining us. Yeah, hope you enjoyed some tiramisu on this fine Friday. Oh fuck, we didn't. It was good, mate. It was very good.

I'm gonna go 9. Oh, so here's our chart.

See how the chart looks? Yeah. We've done 4 or 5 now, and it must be up there.

Yeah, it's got to be. Has anyone had anything less than an 8? It's tiramisu, so it's hard to believe it would be.

Yeah, we probably scored everything 9. Fair enough. Horny bastards. There you go. Depends how long you've not eaten tiramisu for, innit? Yeah, that's also true. 6 months, you're gonna look like Beyoncé. You get my drift? Yes, sir. Anyway, we'll leave you to think on that one.

Yeah, there was some good dog training stuff in there. You abused everyone, so yeah, go fuck yourself, dog trainers.

He's done it again. And then I'll like you. I'll like you if you pay me. I'll be your friend. How about that?

I don't think you necessarily all the way in friends, but you always help them. Yeah, to be fair, helpful. Sometimes I'm a bit of a—

how I help you. Sometimes that's more useful. Yeah. Sometimes you need it. Sometimes you need to pull your finger out. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, quick shout out to our sponsors, 2211 VIP. If you want to get yourself a Lamborghini but pay way less than for a Lamborghini or like a G-Wagon or even a big Defender, then reach out to Chris. We'll stick the link in the description. Or if you don't have the money for a Lamborghini, but you do want to do some extra obedience with your dog, reach out to the K9 Carpenter and they will build you anything out of wood. Anything that's for a dog. Anything. Obedience boxes, bite boxes, any of that physio shit you guys do on Instagram. Don't get it from anyone other than this guy. Comes with lifetime warranty. I've made that up, but hopefully it does. And, uh, yeah, it's a family-run business too. I don't know if that's true either.

Um, family-run lifetime warranty.

He's got a very sick child he needs to pay for, uh, bills for. So, um, you could give him— I've made that bit up, right?

Yeah, but check him out. Like, check him out at least.

Some of that could be true. It's not not true. All right, we don't know. God forbid it is. Touch wood. True until proven otherwise. So yeah, there you go. Uh, check out the K9. Carpenter. Bespoke dog training carpentry. He's actually got some stuff on the way to us. It's— I think he might run out of wood.

Yeah, he uses a particular type of hardwood from the, uh—

He uses a special dog training wood from the forest of Michael Ellis. Yeah, yeah, Michael Ellis Forest up in the NoCal.

It's a bit like when you get the fucking, um, The ones in Harry Potter?

Yeah, pretty much. It has to be a certain type of grain. Yeah, you get special dog stuff, so it's kind of hard to come by.

Flexible with some give.

Yeah, uh, it's not just your typical fucking ply shit.

Urine resistant.

He actually hand cuts it. Um, yeah, he goes out to, uh, Sweden twice a year. Uh, he cuts down some trees, that special type of tree.

I find it even more amazing that he preemptively knew he'd end up doing this and he planted them at birth.

Yeah, well, his dad, he comes from a long line of carpenters.

Oh, of course, I didn't think about that.

Yeah, it's a generational thing. His great-granddad— well, his great-great-granddad actually made Santa's sleigh. Even though they're reindeers, not dogs.

Yep.

But I think they pivoted to dogs later on. Yeah, they get more popular. But because they weren't obviously like reindeer sled dogs. Yeah, that makes sense. And, um, so yeah, long line of canine carpenters. You never know, he could be related to Jesus Christ as well. He was a carpenter. Yeah, not a canine carpenter. Niche down. Was it in Jersey? Yeah, I don't know, maybe. Well, either way, it's still a generational thing. So yeah, K9 Carpenter Jesus.

What is the difference between a carpenter and a joiner?

Um, a carpenter makes things out of wood. A joiner makes things out of anything. Let me just quickly have a look. Okay, sorry guys, I know we're trying to wrap this one up here.

Yeah, but it is— you're still here.

If you're still here, you're curious. Yeah.

Curiosity, at least. Right, 1 hour till webinar.

That's loads of time.

Should we keep going for now?

I've not finished my slides.

No, I haven't finished what I've got to do tomorrow either, so. Just been too busy galavanting this morning. Look out for ticks as well.

Okay, so joiners create wooden components, doors, windows, stairs, furniture in a workshop while carpenters install or repair those wooden structures on site. Fuck off. Alright, I don't know if that's true. Joiner's supposed to be—

So Danny Mitch is a carpenter, not a joiner then? Yeah. Well, he calls himself a joiner. His van even says joinery on it. So I think he's probably right.

No, this is nonsense. This is nonsense. Who did you ask? This is from Parsons Joinery website.

Yeah, they don't know anything.

Many people wonder what the difference is between joinery and carpentry. More to the point— Well, at least two of us. Yeah, and hopefully others. More to the point, when you need something made of wood, do you call a joiner or a carpenter? Thing is, there are lots of similarities between joiners and carpenters. Confusingly, in the UK, the use of either term is dependent on location. For example, in the south of England, people tend to use the term carpenter, where in the north, people prefer to use the term joiner. What the fuck? Joinery and carpentry are both wood-based construction trades. Yeah. Danny Mitchell isn't exclusively wood though, is he? Nah, he'll tackle anything. Simply put, a joiner constructs items by joining pieces of wood without using metal fasteners, screws, or nails. So fucking what?

That's pretty impressive though, doing like dovetail joints and shit. Dovetail and dowel. Dovetail and dowel.

A carpenter will then take these items and fit them on site. Using metal fasteners. I was thinking it's the other way around.

Yeah, me too. Yeah.

The carpenter makes the shit, the joiner fits the shit. I totally agree with you. And— Right, and fit them on site using metal fasteners, screws, and nails. And carpenter would also undertake tasks such as fitting locks and furniture, door furniture. I wouldn't— No. No. Well, Danny Mitchell's a carpenter then. One of the best too. So what's this guy? He's a joiner. Yeah. Sorry, K9 Carpenter, you know, the K9 Joiner. Yeah. Doesn't sound as cool. No, because this doesn't have the alliteration. Oh, nice. It's literally what it's called.

Okay. All right, fair enough.

Well, there you go. Yeah. You fucking find out something new every day, huh? Yeah. All right. I guess that's us, everyone. Yeah. Hope you have a great weekend with your dogs or like, well, I don't know, this comes out on a Friday, so. A great weekend with your dogs. It's also filmed on a Friday. Yeah, different Fridays. We don't have that quick of a turnaround. Anyway, bye. Say bye, Ian.

Bye, Ian.