Vulnerability: A Man’s Greatest Superpower | S01 E06

This is When Kings Unite, the podcast where we journey with our mantra, masculinity as medicine. In this episode, we're going to crack open the heart of vulnerability, not as weakness, but as power. So join myself, Smith.

Freddie.

Wes, and Chris, as we model, discover, and have conversations around what it really means to be fully seen and rooted in our truth. This isn't about oversharing or dramatics. It's just about choosing how we want to show up. And this is where the healing begins. Are you ready?

I'm ready.

Let's drop in. All right, man, it is nice to be on another episode with you all. Before we get going—

what was that, dude?

I was gonna say, so good to see you, brother.

Dude, love you, man.

It's nice to see you too.

I just thought you wanted to fight.

Uh, we can do that. I'm down for it.

That's perfect.

Well, wait a minute.

Yeah, you train, you teach people martial arts. I don't know if I want to throw it out with you.

That's what people usually say.

I'm gonna—

that's why I keep training. Well, uh, with that being said, today we're going to take a look at this idea of vulnerability. And one thing that I've been really excited by is a practice now, even in my human development business, is this idea of somatic work. Soma meaning of the body. And typically when I was really taking a look at like how vulnerability usually goes for people, I think the normal cadence is that people start to think about just their thoughts or Or how they express it. But also another way of expressing it and how it lives inside of us is our bodies. So for all the viewers and for all of us on the call right now, let's just take a moment. Close your eyes if you want to, if it serves you, and just take inventory. Notice what feels alive for you. Notice if there is a part of you that's heavy, that's filled with joy. Both can coexist. And as a means of tapping into our vulnerability, let's check in right now. What's one word that describes how you're dropping in right now?

Appreciate you leading us in that. In dropping in more, the word coming to mind is fluidity.

For me, yeah, thank you so much. Um, for me, the word is tension. Like, I— not a held tension, but it's holding those 2 polarities at the same time of the joy and then the, the anxiety, or, you know, all these things that are present within me, right? I feel that tension really acutely.

I am dropping in feeling full. Thank you for that, Smith. That was beautiful.

Yeah, thanks, man. How I'm dropping in today is full, feeling really full as I come in. And thank you, viewer, for also practicing alongside of us. I really have it that our bodies are the center of where we think, feel, emote from. And the more that we can actually get out of our own heads and into our bodies and integrate the two, the more that we're able to tap into vulnerability. And so as we're entering today, and as we're feeling our bodies and our thoughts and our emotions, let's figure out what vulnerability is together. So, man, when I say the word vulnerability, what comes up for you?

To me, it's being exactly as I am. This idea of, I guess, the opposite of vulnerability is being armored. Trying to protect something that I'm scared other people might see or anything like that. And vulnerability, it's— it can be associated with weakness, but it's— to me, it's also this like, hey, I'm dropping my defenses. Try and fuck with me if you want to. I'm good where I'm at. Thanks, dude.

That was awesome. Who else?

Yeah, for me, um, vulnerability carries with it this sense of the possibility of harm or damage. Like, there's a risk involved in, uh, in being vulnerable. That's the reason for the armor that Wes talked about, right, is to try to protect or keep ourselves from getting hurt. Might not feel safe. Um, and so for me, when I, when I feel When I'm feeling as if I'm in a vulnerable situation or feeling it's that sense of risk or unsafety and choosing to step forward into that vulnerability and to be courageous in that is a learned practice for me. It's something that I would avoid for a long, long time. Many, many years of my life would I avoid stepping forward courageously into the risky space. Because I was, I just wasn't willing to face that, you know, my own vulnerability head on. And so for me, it's a practice, man. Like I've been, I've been working on it. I've been trying to live it and trying to be it and to embrace the power of vulnerability in the past several years. And it's really benefited me.

Yeah.

Chris, thank you for sharing that. Uh, I echo the word that initially came up for me around vulnerability is risk. You know, the risk of allowing myself, permitting myself to be fully seen, all parts of me, the light and the dark. And then the other word that came up for me around vulnerability is intimacy. And we've talked about it in previous episodes, not only Into me see, but also into messy. It's my willingness and courage and bravery to allow my mess to be seen. That is, you know, there's the inherent risk. You know, what happens when I allow people to see the light and the dark? You know, the cleanliness and the messiness. So that's, that's what comes up for me initially when I think of vulnerability.

Yeah, guys, like seriously, that in itself, like, I believe is how a lot of people in the world experience vulnerability or like want to experience vulnerability. And for me, like, vulnerability is just showing up fully as me regardless of the circumstance. I get to actually show up with my truest and most authentic versions. Of myself, all the parts of myself. And as we were talking about in the last episode, there's so much conditioning that happens. And so the idea or the definition around vulnerability sometimes can get conflated. And I think there's such a powerful opportunity for us to actually debunk some of the myths here. Like, what are some myths actually that we've learned about vulnerability that we have found not exactly to be true 100% of the time? And to kick it off here, one of the myths that I have around vulnerability is that I'll be too much. Other people can't hold me. It can be true sometimes, but it's not always the case. And when I lean into, oh man, I'm just going to be too much, it has me not sharing my feelings, my emotions, and then it has me not sharing all parts of myself. And I know, as you guys know, there's so many more myths. There's so many ways that we have learned around this idea of vulnerability that may not actually be true 100% of the time. So what is that for you?

I know one thing for me, and this continues the concept of risk, is that If I am vulnerable and allow, especially my messy parts, to be seen, at some point, that's going to be weaponized against me. Somebody's going to, you know, use that information and that data to hold it over me, to lord it over me, to use it against me in some way at some point in the future. And that is going to absolutely wreck me and destroy me. And so, having that narrative playing in the background or underneath the surface will sometimes keep me from permitting myself to be vulnerable. Because if I feel any sense of rejection or abandonment that, you know, just kind of tied into our last conversation around worthiness. It's going to somehow impact my sense of worthiness or my dignity. And so to keep that from happening, I would, you know, sometimes I would just rather not be vulnerable and not share and not show up as my whole and full self.

Yeah, I, I Totally can, can vibe with what you're saying, Freddie. Um, but I, I feel very much the same. And interestingly, Smith, I hold kind of an inverse myth to you. Um, you know, your, your core fear behind vulnerability being, being too much, for mine it's not being enough, right? That if I let people actually see all of me, um, that I'm not gonna measure up, that I won't be everything that I should be. Or that they think I should be, or in some way insufficient. And so that has me in the opposite of vulnerability, that has me putting on the armor in performance, playing the roles, like playing pretend on the outside, and not really being real. And that really so quickly takes me out of integrity to where I'm not actually being authentic. with the people around me. Um, yeah, that's, that's the biggest myth that I, that I hold around vulnerability is that if people actually see me, it won't be enough. They won't like me, and then I'll be rejected and I won't get love.

Yeah, really appreciate y'all modeling the vulnerability as we're talking about it. And mine is more aligned with Smith's of like, It'll be too much. Like, oh, here's like— yeah, there's some story in my head of like, oh, here's Wes going through some other shit again. So like, now I think it's being a burden. Like, I'm burdening other people with my, my problems, my vulnerability. So like, might as well just hold it all myself.

Yeah, really appreciate y'all sharing your really lived experience around it. And we all get to choose, like, how we want to use vulnerability. For any of us, we can all just say, fuck it, we don't want to be vulnerable, right? Anybody listening can do that as well. And there is always going to be an impact, costs and benefits, always.

So yeah, sometimes vulnerability can be hard.

I think we all can agree upon that.

So what's the point?

Like, why be vulnerable? There's this fear that's lingering. We may not be enough or too much or too little. People might weaponize it. So what's the point?

For me, it's, man, it's access to love. Like, when I'm wearing this huge suit of armor, I can't give someone a hug. This armor is in the way. You know, to really connect with people, to really build intimacy and to build relationship, real relationship with people, and not be so fucking alone on this planet. That's that's the payoff for me. That's why I saw the need to choose to to shift out of that previous mindset, to try to embrace vulnerability because I was tired of being fucking alone in every relationship that I was in, even my closest ones. I felt so alone, like. I was just by myself because I wouldn't let anyone in. I was tired of that. I'm still tired of that. And yeah, that's access to love. That's what I want for myself in my life. And that's how I have— that's the only way to do it is to be vulnerable and let people see me and run the risk of them holding whatever judgment they're going to hold. And I know it's a them problem. Intellectually. And then as you said, somatically, it's like there's that conditioned kind of thing, like, oh shit, someone's rejecting me, someone doesn't like me, someone doesn't love me. And learning to be okay with that and having the courage to be okay with that and not let it stop me from just being me and being vulnerable.

Thank you. Thank you for that, Chris. I've— I'm thinking of a Another, yet another Brené Brown quote. You know, she's the queen of vulnerability conversations, all things vulnerability. But she said once, vulnerability is not weakness, but our most accurate measure of courage. So I think of vulnerability as our opportunities, beautiful opportunities to Embody courage. And vulnerability is inherently uncomfortable. Like, there's a discomfort that's there. And the opposite of courage is comfort. Courage and comfort can't occupy the same space. Right? When we call forth courage, what shows up is discomfort, because how else will we test our courage? So, uh, so that's one area where I believe vulnerability is absolutely imperative, because how else will we test our courage if, if we don't, if we don't have the courage and the bravery to show up and be our authentic selves and, and put ourselves on the line? And put ourselves at risk for however people are going to respond or react to us. You know, that's part of— you know, that's where the intimacy is. And intimacy is the essence of the human experience and human spirituality. You know, so I totally align with what Chris has shared. It's our opportunity to love. Like, that's what love is. Like, if I can love someone for, for, you know, what we call imperfections and flaws, then that's real love. Because it's not based on, like, I don't, I don't need you to be perfect to love you. I can love you and allow you to be free and to unfold and evolve how you're supposed to, because that's love for real.

It's beautiful. Yeah, I was thinking, I've been kind of thinking of this idea, but especially today where like people have often told me like, oh, I really, I really deeply relate to you. I really like resonate with your experience. And like, I don't think I'm actually like more relatable than like anybody else. I think I'm just vulnerable. And of course, people see themselves in me because, like, we're all the fucking same. Like, we're all experiencing the same colors in slightly different shades, and we're all just navigating the human experience. So, like, vulnerability allows us to, to see each other and build those bonds, feel that love, those kinds of relationships that can last a lifetime.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I love that it's not despite the imperfections, despite the flaws. Sometimes it's because of the flaws and the imperfections that draws people in, right? That's what's relatable because we all got our shit, you know? And so being able— for someone who's willing, you know, like, like you, Wes, you're a beautiful and powerful example of that in masculine vulnerability. In my experience of you, someone who's willing to do that and to say, hey, look, this is me, this is all of me, warts and all. I can identify with that because I know I got my own, right? I'm like, wow, you're kind of— you're a lot like me in all the ways we might be different. We're so very similar. Um, can't help but think of, you know, a lyric from one of my favorite songs. It's a powerful, powerful song about love. It says, and know that your scars are my favorite part.

Right.

So being willing to kind of show the scars and to show the flaws and the warts. Um, man, it's so connecting. Love that. Thank you.

And there's a freedom inherent in vulnerability as well. Like when we, when we can show up with each other in all of our mess and let our bellies out and just let it hang out. And then we can look at each other and say, oh, you got one too? Like, that— that's weird. That's real connection.

Mm.

Yeah.

You know, I'm— as I'm listening to you guys talk about it, I'm just, like, remembering all the times in my life where I've had a moment with somebody or, like, a group of people.

I'm like, oh, wait, you experienced that too? And logically, I know it, but to feel it is a totally different thing. To feel it in my body is a totally different thing. And those moments are like some of the most special moments in my life, 'cause I actually get to see someone for them exactly as is. They don't need to be fixed and I can just love them. And I also equally love it when I get to get the same thing moving straight back. So I'm wondering for like all of us, when we are face up against those risks, The judgments, the fears, the concerns, the complaints that are— we're creating ourselves or other people may be putting on us. What should we do about it? Like, and I'm actually taking a look at it as like, we're all in our own process. I know there's times where I kind of let those scary stories win, and I'm not committed to that, but I get to keep choosing, right, the level of vulnerability and the experience that I want. So how do we keep choosing vulnerability? I'm super clear that, like, I want to do it, and it gets hard sometimes.

For me, and this has been one of the most challenging practices of my life, and the most challenging, like, muscles to continually exercise, is idgaf. I don't give a fuck. Just— I just don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck what anybody else has to say about me. And I know that it's something that, you know, is easily said, you know, maybe easier said than done in many cases. And when I— in the moments when I allow myself to flex that idgaf muscle, It feels so good. It feels so good. It feels so freeing and liberating to not be held hostage by the potential of any kind of judgments or assessments. You know, I had a situation recently with a— and, you know, it comes from people Who we love the most. Like, I had a mentor recently share an assessment that she had about me and how I show up on social media. And the old me would have allowed that to really affect me. But I took what she said, I took it in and I shared with her. I was like, I'll consider that. And I did. I considered it and I slept on it. And I woke up the next morning with this visceral rejection of that assessment. I was like, that's her shit. That's not mine. So I politely returned to sender. You know, like that, that energy is yours, not mine. I'm going to continue and continue to show up how I feel best to show up, because that's my agency. That's my sense of worthiness. That's my dignity. So, so yeah, that's idgaf. Idgaf, man. I don't give a fuck.

That's nice.

Thanks, dude.

Love that. Yeah. And I mean, Yeah, you brought it back to dignity and worthiness. And to me, that's what staying vulnerable is really about. Or even, yeah, not giving a fuck. It's like not giving a fuck about what other people think really means giving the most fucks about what you think. Like, what do I really think about myself? How do I see myself and love myself? Because if I see myself in my power, who I really am, and And love that, then yeah, I'm gonna keep showing up exactly as I am, being vulnerable, even if there seems like there's signals out there that I shouldn't, that it's not safe. Like, as Smith said, I think in last episode, like, I create my own safety and I get to be that for myself.

Yeah, I love what's, what's been brought in so far. And I would add, for me, it's also about the accumulation of evidence, right? And that concept of safety is we have the— I have— I won't say I'm putting it on anyone else. I'll say I have these stories in my head of if-then, right? If I do this, then this is what's going to happen. And it's just stories. It's fear-based, right? It's risk-averse. It's avoidant. It's all those things. And so intentionally Choosing something that's relatively low impact to take a risk. Like, that's how, that's how I chose and continue to choose to get started, right? Oh, here's the thing that even if I'm wrong, the actual impact won't be that bad. It's not like I'm going to, you know, bare my soul, all my deepest, darkest, dirtiest secrets to my boss at work, for example, you know, something like that. But just to find a place. where I could practice vulnerability and build that muscle that Freddie talked about, right? Because it, it, it, you have to accumulate. For me, I have to accumulate that evidence and say, okay, this is actually not just a safe, but a powerful and empowering practice to take on. And then over time, you know, I could just kind of ratchet up the needle a little bit and move the lever a little bit and say, okay, that went okay. I'm building this evidence that actually I didn't die. When I did that, when I was vulnerable, that wasn't the day that I died. And okay, well, let's see. Let's try it a little bit more, right? So you can get a little bit more and more and lean heavier and heavier into this practice of vulnerability. And guess what? I haven't died yet.

Well, thank goodness, dude. I was worried for a second.

Look, I might be old, but I ain't dead.

Yeah.

Maybe we should start calling you a crazy old man or something. I don't know.

But just don't call me crazy. All I'll take.

So I think this is a really important topic. And I like, truly, everybody gets to decide if they want to lean into vulnerability or not. One is not bad, right, wrong, good, otherwise. The whole point of this is having a conversation to be like, huh, that raised up something for me. Did I get activated? Did I question that? Did I throw up a whole wall to it? Did I get excited about that? And then we actually get to get curious. We get to go in deeper. We get to go in deeper if we want to. And the thing that I would have anybody consider if they're looking at this idea of vulnerability is that anything that could take you away from it might just be that you're scared. It might just be that you're scared of getting hurt, scared of not receiving enough, scared of being too much, right? All the things that we've already talked about a couple times here. And the other way is possibly the truest version of yourself. And you get to decide, would you like to show up scared or would you like to show up as your real self? And again, by no means do you have to always show up vulnerably. But Chris, I think the thing that you raised up is such an important thing to talk about.

Yeah.

Is great. You're excited. You're ready to be vulnerable. How the fuck do you start practicing it? Like, it seems cool, right? Like, that seems exciting. But how do we actually, like, go about, like, doing this in a way that can also honor ourselves? We can totally jump right in, which is a great way to do it. And We could also take it step by step, but we get to decide. So from everybody's experience here, what are, like, a few ways that all of us can actually start to lean into more vulnerability everywhere?

Well, what comes up for me is— and I was thinking about this particular word when Chris was sharing, and it's one that You know, if I can vulnerably share, has been another challenge for me, in addition to flexing the idgaf muscle, is trust. Self-trust. Remembering to trust myself that when I am vulnerable, and when I do show up fully in any space, no matter how anyone reacts or responds to me, I'm not gonna die. I will be okay. And allowing however I show up in that moment to be enough, even if it doesn't perfectly match up or align with whatever ideas or images that I had in my head about how I was going to show up in However I do show up, if I, you know, spill over my words and, you know, whatever, lose my train of thought and have a brain fog or a brain fart or whatever, you know what? That's part of being human. I'm not gonna die from that. No one has ever died from a brain fart. I will be okay, and I will learn from it, whatever I need to learn from it in that moment. If there is a lesson there, I will learn it. And Keep it moving. Keep it moving. So that's been an issue of trust for me, and just allowing my intuition, trusting my intuition to guide me through situations rather than simply relying on my intellect and getting stuck in my head and allowing my head to navigate me through situations.

Yeah, man.

Well, I feel also really called to share about my thing through what you just said is the thing that really helps me sometimes is what do I appreciate about this situation or what I just saw or what I just witnessed? To actually, like, ask myself that and then, like, to feel it all the way through. One of my— one of the things that has really captivated me This year is actually, uh, watching our brother Chris here share emotions. And one of the things that I just love about him is how he's so open and can be with his feelings and also is able to emote that through tears in his eyes. And the thing that I really appreciated about it is that he's showing up exactly as is. Like, he's showing up with his full authentic self. He's able to be— Full in many different ways, and I appreciate the shit out of it. And a little bit of acknowledgment for you, Chris, like, I really just love witnessing you in your feelings and your emotions, and a real-time example of when I actually get to look how that makes me feel. I get so much more access to vulnerability. Feelings is the way that I get my key to open up the door.

Thank you, brother. I can really let that in. And, um, at the same time, uh, I wouldn't say that it's a courageous choice for me. Um, I just sometimes I just leak out of my eyeballs and it's just what happens. Um, and, um, so it's so interesting just hearing you say that. I had this insight, this realization that For me, sharing and showing my emotions and my emotional state has never been a problem for me. I've never had a shortage of access to being able to share that in what I think many men would call vulnerability. Where I have traditionally or throughout my life typically gotten stuck is in sharing what I want. Asking for what I really want. That feels— that was— it wasn't just showing sadness or pain or anger or whatever in an emotional way, sharing real time what was, but, but really claiming what it is that I want with the people around me, um, was so, so freaking scary. And it still is for me. And that's a big part of my practice of vulnerability is Having the courage, which we've talked about a couple of times in this episode, just having the courage and the willingness despite the fear to just lean in and to say it. I'd love to share one of the moments that really, really solidified and kind of imprinted that on me was a couple of years ago. Monica and I were on a road trip. We were on a hiking road trip going all over the Southwest. We were in Zion, just an amazing hike up this. Beautiful vista, walking back down to where we had parked. And I will never forget this moment. She just kind of looked at me and she says, I'm just curious, when are you actually going to be able to share yourself with me? And this was a year after we'd gotten married. This wasn't like during the dating process. Talk about courage. This woman was willing to commit life to a man that she had this kind of feeling like, I know that there's something there, but I don't know what it is. And I don't— I'm curious when he's ever going to show it or let it be seen. And that hit me like a ton of bricks. Like, I was not devastated, but it was just like this big wake-up call of like, oh shit, this thing that I've done my whole life that I know had a big part in the way things went in my previous relationship and a previous marriage, um, like it's still there. As much as I think I'm doing work and still evolving, it's like there's still a part of me that's blocked from her that I'm not sharing with her, that I'm not willing to be vulnerable with her. And I realized that's what it was. willingness to ask for what it is that I want. And so we've— I've done a lot of work on that. We've done a lot of work together on that, um, which is a really, really long roundabout way of getting to the point of your question, Smith, which is like, how do you do it? How do you build it? For me, it's been invaluable to have a partner, someone, you know, someone in my life that I know I can trust. As Freddie said, trust someone that I know will always be there and have my back. that I can start to, to crack open the lid of this box and pull out things that are inside and, and show these things, hey, this is, this is a thought or a desire or a want that I've never expressed. Do you still love me?

Right?

And the answer has always consistently been yes, because I chose a really, you know, just such an amazing partner in that exercise. Um, but yeah, so again, to answer your question, it's not something that's done Solo.

You can't be—

I guess you can be vulnerable with yourself, but it's, but it's really the practice of being with other people in a vulnerable state, uh, or in a vulnerable way or fashion. And for me, it's really been finding that right person to practice with, and then it expands from there. Then I find myself showing up much more openly and much, much more expressively, um, with you all, right? With other men groups that I'm, that I'm associated with, with With everyone in my life. It just kind of grows outwardly from there, just from having, you know, the courage to start with, with my safe person in a safe place.

Really beautiful share, Chris. Yeah, that resonates really deeply with me of like, the way I grew up. It's like I was always giving, but Receiving, asking for what I wanted just didn't feel safe. And I had this moment earlier this year where I was like, "Wow, I have kind of infinite capacity for other people, but not quite for myself." It was like if I really ask for what I need, am I then a burden? Do I have to keep up this role of like? Only ever giving so that people will find value from being with me. And yeah, it's become in many ways like this really crippling weight that I'm really realizing more and more, like, oh right, like people love me for who I am. And not just what I provide. And that allows me to continue showing up and being vulnerable.

Yeah. Uh, thank you for that, Wes. Um, and thank you, Chris, as well for your share. Um, I feel compelled to also drop into the space since we're talking about the how, how to be vulnerable. I, I am a firm believer that one of the most vulnerable and intimate things we will ever do in life is learn. To admit that there is something that I don't know is vulnerable. It's one of the most vulnerable things we can admit to ourselves or to anyone else. You know, that, hey, there's— here's this new information. That I get to learn about something or someone, maybe even myself. How vulnerable is that? You know? So, I just wanted to drop that in as well, that learning, you know, positioning ourselves to learn, granting someone, a mentor, a parent, A friend, whoever it is, a boss, granting someone the permission to teach us something. That is vulnerable.

Especially for men. Especially for men. Especially for men, right? Where excellence and expertise and knowledge is what's celebrated in the zeitgeist. That's the mythology of it, right? Is that men don't— we know it all. We've got all the answers. And the truth is, we don't. And so many men, myself included, go through life for so long making it all up, pretending like we know. Yeah, because we're expected to know. And if I admit, if I vulnerably admit that I don't know and I need to learn something, that's a failure. I'm not a man.

Yeah, because we're programmed with knowledge is power. Knowledge is power. It's like, no, knowledge is potential. What we embody, what we practice, that's power.

Hell yeah.

Yeah, this is, uh, such a beautiful conversation. Like, to understand how this lives, breathes, like, moves throughout us, society, like, that's already powerful, right, in itself. And I think we've done such a great job of intellectualizing this, and I think there's an opportunity also for us to go a little bit deeper here. And so we're going to change it up on this podcast today. We've been recently introducing experiences where we get to hold space for each other, play games. And honestly, the— how it occurs for most men, as it's been entertained so far, is like we're always in our heads.

Yeah.

And that's not necessarily vulnerable. We actually get to live it through our bodies and find how to integrate the two. And it is a process. And being vulnerable is a process. Being vulnerable is not showing up as perfect. It's showing up as is, even when it's messy. And a lot of it is an inside job before it's an outside job. So we're going to have an experience together, and we're going to connect with our bodies. And then we get to bring it back to our minds. And we get to see what is shifted when we get to do that. So take note of the energy right now. How does it feel for you? From the conversations so far, notice how it's left you. If you're excited, if you believe something's wrong, something's missing, whatever it is, all of it's perfect. And see what happens when we, and when you, get to be more vulnerable with yourself. So let's be vulnerable together. I invite you to close your eyes. And just notice. Release any expectations. Release any way that it has to go.

Yeah.

And also recognize That if anything is taking you out of your practice right now with being with yourself, it's all okay. You just get to recommit. And being with yourself right now, Pay attention to your breath. Notice how it moves in and out of you. And use your breath as a gift to take inventory of your body. What's tight?

What's loose?

How do you want your body to feel? And you don't have to change anything. Just notice. And being with yourself right now, notice what you make it all mean. What's the stories that you create? Because of how it's going on in your body, in your thoughts, in your mind? Is it that you're powerful and capable? Is it that you may not be enough? All of it can be true. And as you're being with yourself right now, If you are willing and you're ready, allow your breath to expel any of those stories that may not be serving you. Take your breath in. Allow it to fill up your body. And as audibly as you want, take out the stories that aren't serving you. Beautiful. And as you're with yourself right now, let's connect to this question: If you really knew me, You'd know... See if you can come up with 1, 2, 3, 4, 5+ things to be able to share out into the world. If you really knew me, you'd know...

Blank.

And I invite you to write those things down right now.

Told you, bro, my eyeballs are fucking leaking again.

Thanks for being vulnerable, dude. Thanks everybody for your grace with the— with this exercise. If any of you all are willing, let's take turns. No interruptions, just presence, just intimacy, just vulnerability. I'd love to hear what you all wrote down.

I'll share.

Hmm.

Where my journey has been taking me is around embodying big energy, iconic energy, high frequency. And what I wrote down is, My highest frequency scares me. My big energy scares me. My lion energy scares me. And I'm tired of being scared. That shit is exhausting. And there's this, like, constant, seemingly endless war, fight, battle within me. And I'm so tired of fighting. I don't want to fight anymore. I don't want to fight anymore.

I want to be free.

I want to be fucking free.

Thank you.

Thank you so much, brother. Um, One of the things that I wrote down is I crave connection. It's not something that I want, it's something that I crave— connection. To be connected to myself and to other people. I'm not sure where that comes from, and I don't know that it matters. It's also the thing that I'm most afraid of asking for. The, the risk, the potential of being rejected is so scary, of someone else not wanting to connect as much as I do or in the same way that I do. And underneath that is just the story of what I would make that mean about myself, of my own worthiness and my own enoughness. I'm scared to find the evidence that I'm not enough, so I don't ask for what I want. I'm also, um, a big part of my A big part of my journey towards connecting with myself has been in my spiritual path. And I'm very clear that I'm unsure, I'm confused. It's not clear to me, my spiritual path right now. And I'm gonna keep swinging. Like, I'm gonna keep working to figure it out. Um, and I feel that that connection with, with spirit, with the divine, with the universe, with God, that is outside of me as well as that part which is inside of me, um, I'm not as connected as I want to be. And, um, You know, I'm willing to do the work. I am doing the work. And it's still— there's just a lot more for me there.

Thank you, Chris. Truly. If you really knew me, you'd know that I love others way more than I love myself. You'd know that I wonder a lot. If the impact that I create will ever be enough for me, for other people. You, you know that I crave being close, but I'm so afraid of being heartbroken. You'd know that I am so afraid of letting somebody down. You know that I carry shame for so many things I don't believe in anymore. Sometimes you'd know that I just, like, try to hold it all together, even when I feel broken. And you'd really know that The thing that I really crave most is community and intimacy. You'd also really know that I'm a crazy-ass person. I love to have fun. And, um, you'd also know that I have a belief system that if I have too much fun or have too much love, That something else will be out to get me, so I don't express it the way that I want to. And you'd also know that I would die for you if I loved you. You'd also know that I would work out really hard for you, that I would eat really well for you, that I would go to insatiable amounts. To make sure that I worked hard enough for you. Yeah. Thanks.

Really beautiful. And kind of taking in those last few things, Smidt, as a bit of a love letter to yourself and Yeah. Mirroring that love back to yourself. If you really knew me, you would know that no matter what, I tend to always feel like I'm failing. Could be firing on all cylinders, kind of chasing this high of holding everything in my life, all the people in my life with grace and love and mastery, and never quite feels like enough. That's not true. It often doesn't feel like enough. My ego says it's never enough. And as I mentioned before, like, that's been this kind of constant fuel for me of—

it's kind of—

it's worked out reasonably well. Um, it's gotten me some achievements in my life, um, and I'm pretty fucking over it. Um, it's just— it's just not sustainable because it feels like I'm constantly chasing this thing. That's like— it's like in a fucking cartoon where like they tie like a fishing rod with bait in front of it and some on somebody's head and like they're constantly fucking running after it and they'll never get it. Like, Okay. At what point do I just— is it enough? At what point am I enough? At what point can I just Let the love, this kind of boundless, infinite love around me in. It's this constant practice of. There's this saying I I've heard of like wisdom is chasing you, but you're faster. For me, it's like love is chasing me, but I'm faster. It's always been there. I've always been worthy. I've always been lovable. And yet I've always been running away from it. And if you really knew me, you would always— you would also know My essence of wonder, connection, play, leader, sanctuary. You would know that I love deeply and intensely and would really do anything to show up for the people I love. And I believe that love is always the way. Love will always find a way to win, that the universe itself is love, and in that, I am love. We are all love. And that's what I get to carry with me.

Thank you, Wes. And now, viewer, it's your turn. Pause if you need to and say it out loud. We're here for you. Welcome back. For our last few minutes, let's take a look at what we got from witnessing someone else in their vulnerability. I'll kick it off. I got connection, spirit. I got fucking excited. I also felt way closer to you all than I have ever in my life. And already, like, I actually feel so close to you. And I was like, holy fuck, I feel closer to you. Like, that's the experience that I got. I also got to feel a lot of remorse, like, for the things you all have been holding. And I also got to see a lot of relatability. I'm like, me too, for everything that you all said. I also felt, felt the immense amount of love that you all had to be able to share it like this.

Yeah, it's um. I am you and you are me. Like I see so much of myself in each one of you men. And um, to me that gives that gives like hope. That gives excitement and and kind of this positive energy because. You're all fucking awesome, and if there's a part of me that's like a part of you, that's a cool thing for me, right? And you know, the courage that you all show in working through all of this stuff, being with it, carrying it, sharing it—it's inspiring. Like I want to be like each and every one of you when I grow up. And, uh, yeah, I'm honored, deeply, deeply honored to walk this earth with you men. Thank you.

We've talked a lot in our conversation today about courage. And we did that. We did that. Um, I'm in awe. Of all of you. I'm in awe of myself. I'm in love with all of you and myself. I'm honored to be able to get to do this work with all of you. I feel the love. I'm full right now.

I'm full.

I felt full when this call first started. I believe that was my word. And as this conversation progressed, the room and the space within me expanded for more love, for more energy, for more intimacy to come in. So, I'm still full and expanded. And I love all of you.

Love all of you. Really appreciate you letting me see you, to see your souls and Yeah, we talked about these fears of if I'm vulnerable, if I show who I am, is that too much? Is it not enough? Will I get hurt? And like, it's a beautiful reminder of like, it's an honor to see and hold each of you, and in turn, it's an honor for people. For you all to see and hold me. And that's, that's the thing I'm letting sink in, is I can let myself be held, and that can be a gift to others as well.

Thank you all so much. I really hope, uh, everybody else listening into this gets to see the power of vulnerability and they get to choose it. I, um, I don't know if I've ever said this on this podcast, but, uh, one of my really good friends, Austin Walker, said this at our, our last retreat that we hosted, is the only reason you wouldn't do something is for 2 reasons. One, you don't know what it is. Or number 2, you're just scared. And then he said, if you're scared, just do it anyways, because you're going to be scared. And I think it's so appropriate for this conversation, is because if you're going to be scared anyways, might as well choose yourself, all of yourself. So I love you, Austin, wherever you are, and love you all, Kings. Thank you all for being here. And for being in vulnerability together. Just like any good exercise, please make sure every one of us takes good care of ourselves, and we get to see each other again on the next episode. So this concludes When Kings Unite, where we explore masculinity as medicine. And we get to choose the vulnerability that we want to step into. We love you all. We can't wait to see you all soon.

Bye.